Topic: Put It On Paper

Kaspar · Date: 2007-07-09 20:02 EST

07-03

Dear Journal,

It's been a while since I've seen Father, sometimes I wonder how he's doing. I'm trying to make sure his condition doesn't get worse. It's so hard to take care of him sometimes. It doesn't help that he was hospitalized when I was five and I've had to take care of him for so long. Mother left a year afterwards so I started stealing. I had to work two jobs as soon as I was old enough just to keep him in the hospital and cared for as well as have enough money to eat myself. Making minimum wage never cut it. It wasn't sufficient enough so I started sneaking things at work. I got caught and lost my job so no one would hire me.

I've had my fair share of encounters with police and the like, I guess I'm lucky that I can outrun them most of the time. Well, on occasion I have been shut at. I have also been cuffed and jailed several times. That's where friends like Mannel come in handy, I've known him since I was a child. He was my boyfriend when I was young, but now he's more like a brother. A sibling I never had, unless you count the sister that would be three years younger than me. She was murdered late one night. I really think my Mother killed her, but I have no substantial evidence and it happened before she left. When I was four years old if you want to be accurate.

Until I was seven or eight I used to pretend she was still alive, my Father worried about me because I would imagine what she would be like. Cheerful and hyper, able to get on my nerves at times. I talked to her for the longest time until others made me realize that I needed to let it go. We even fought... I do miss her something terrible. Mannel was the only one who ever accepted it as fact that she was dead and I needed something to cling to, especially with my father becoming ill and then my mother leaving. I didn't have anyone except her and of course, Manny.

I think that was a reason we both got along so well, we were both screwed up in our own ways... Me and my clinging to the dead. Is it my fault that I felt like I could actually talk to the dead. Some people thought I was insane, others just thought it was a sixth sense. I still do hear her talking to me and I try to ignore it. People would think I was rather screwed up if they ever found out, not that they don't already. He was messed up in the sense that he wanted to be a vampire, in the worst way. He sharpened his canines until they were points and he used to bite my neck so that he could suck my blood. I let him, it was his own thing and for some reason it was hard to push him away. I became so used to it and my lifestyle that it wasn't abnormal in the least.

I used to laugh the way he hissed when someone brought a cross or garlic near him. I used to tease him about the fact that one day I would stake him and he growled at me and then grinned. After we got to the age where we dated he told me I couldn't live with him being staked, I needed his body. I begged to differ, I never really found him appealing to me as a boyfriend. He was just the only guy who ever paid any mind to me at the time. To everyone else I was a thief or someone who talked to the dead. I wasn't normal enough for them and neither was he.

After a while Manny was put in an insane asylum by his parents, they didn't know what to do with him. I go to visit him once in a while, he's still my friend no matter how peculiar and estranged he is. He's convinced that the sun will kill him now... I don't know what they've don to him, but I want to get him out of there. He needs someone to be there for him... Manny said he was born to walk alone, he's going to be immortal and have to live his life never having had any friends for long enough to count. He said I'm the only one he thinks he ever will keep... And he's attempted to turn me into a vampire as well with all his beliefs and everything.

He needs a reality check, but I don't quite know how to give one to him...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-07-10 02:16 EST

07-08

Dear Journal,

It really has been a long time. I went to see Father and Manny the other day, but I don't know how now... I'm kind of stuck in Rhy'din now. I really hope that they're alright. I've still been trying to get money to them. Lieutenant Gabe, or that's what he calls himself, caught me stealing a purse. He arrested me and said something about a code of giving people second chances or something.

I don't think I've ever heard that one before? anyways, I guess that left me off the hook or something. Excluding him I've met a few other people, Wolvinator being the first of all of them. He's a really amiable guy, Dark and him both tend to make me blush a lot. I don't know whether or not they do it on purpose, I'm really timid and everything.

Taneth is really nice as well, she said something about a Charity Ball and doing some dress shopping with her. I'm sure she has other friends, I don't know why she picked me. I told her I didn't have any money and she pushed the idea aside as soon as I said it. I ran into Ryo when I was in the Glen... He ended up playing Truth or Dare with Wolvinator.

I played with Dark and him a day or two before actually, but I ended up daring Wolv to strip tease. That was the most embarrassing thing I did that day because he ended up making me watch... I'm blushing now just thinking about it!

Anyways... I saw Wolv in the Inn the next day and had to leave so I kissed him on the cheek. It was merely a quick peck, but I got dragged into Ryo's game of Truth or Dare and he got me to do it again... After Wolv took off Ryo started telling me that he likes me and he can tell by the way he looks at me. I really doubt any of that right now...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-07-11 02:03 EST

07-09

Dear Journal,

I saw Kistuneko from the game of Truth or Dare with Ryo and she started hugging on me. It didn't bother me, but it did kind of shock me. I wasn't really expecting that. Wolvinator happened to show up at that time as well and I was kind of stunned when he asked me to have dinner with him sometime. Kistuneko acted all over protective of me when he did. I thought it was funny in its own little entity.

I'm just not used to having people play a protective role, especially those I have just recently had the pleasure... or displeasure of meeting. After Kistuneko left Wolv started complimenting me. It caused me to blush a hell of a lot. His hand is warm though, he reached out to caress my cheek and I found myself nuzzling it without even realizing it. It was rather soft though and he asked me if he could kiss me.

In my life I have never known a man to do so... If they want to kiss you they just do it. Manny, he just randomly bit people and attempted to draw blood. But that's Manny for you... That reminds me of th time he took me out on Halloween. We were fifteen and he said he wanted to scare the younger kids. He asked me to wear all black and he showed up with this ridiculous cape.

Then when the younger kids turned to look he flashed those sharpened canines and hissed and then just grabbed me and jerked me into his arms. I was kind of used to him dragging me about so I just kind of ignored him and then he bit me and drew blood. The poor children immediately began running in the opposite direction. They were screaming and he only hissed at them when they started crying. I slapped him and told him to grow up.

It's one thing to cause a child to be daunted or something, but to make the m cry and make matters worse? Oh well, some things can't be helped...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-07-12 04:37 EST

07-09

Dear Journal,

I showed up at the Inn late at night and was kind of surprised to see Gabe and Wolv together. I was on the verge of leaving when I saw Wolv with him, I knew there was going to be some trouble. Gabe said my name and told me that my bounty had doubled so I ended up having to explain it all later that night. Some other guy managed to eavesdrop or something like that because he started bothering Wolv about me.

I was startled when they started to fight, but they left and Wolv came back for me. We talked about it for a little bit, but I had to go unfortunately which brought our time together to a close. I did, however, get to see him later that night. We spent quite some time talking to him and we both got to know each other a little better. He said things with Gabe were cleared up for now and he made me promise him my honesty from here on out.

I agreed and he offered to help me out a little bit, I don't know how much he will or how much I would allow him to. I don't like having to depend on friends...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-07-12 20:47 EST

07-12

Dear Journal,

Yesterday was rather interesting... I spent the day with Wolv and I stayed the night at his place. It's rather small without too much there, but it's actually one of the nicest places I've stayed at to be honest.

I'm used to sleeping on benches and behind dumpsters. Yeah, dumpsters smell rather foul, but they kind of hide you so that cops don't interrogate you.

I got used to the police waking me up and asking me what I was doing there and why I didn't go back home. They mistook me as a runaway many times until I was older. Then they just thought I was into drugs when they realized that I wasn't quite so young. It got annoying so I resorted from sleeping where others might just happen to see me and started finding more secluded places to hide out at night.

During the day I went to school, often wearing the same outfit for days on end. I didn't have many clothes, just a duffel bag that I carried around until I found a place to keep it where it would be shielded from the watchful eyes of others. I'm not the only thief out there...

Kitsuneko offered to let me move in with her, but she's so affectionate... I don't know whether or not I could handle her incessantly hugging me. Not that I would have to stay there during the day, I could simply just sleep there and leave during the day. It's a start... I'm still debating on taking up her offer to be her roommate though.

I'm planning on making a visit to see Manny sometime soon and perhaps stopping by to visit my Father and see how his condition is faring. I kind of want to know if he's getting better or worse. I worry about the both of them sometimes and I guess it's good to talk to them. Father can't really respond back, he uses facial expressions and some movements as if his way of replying.

He's suffering from heart failure and has a tube that connects with his stomach so that they can feed him food. He can't eat anything solid so he has to digest it that way. Most people freak out when I tell them about his condition, not so much that he has heart failure as the other sundry stuff. I really need to make a point to visit him, I want to spend some more time with him before he passes away... I'm still surprised that he's still alive and I will be upset when he leaves me behind. I'll be expecting it though and I still want to make as much of it as I can.

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-07-14 02:00 EST

07-13

Dear Journal,

I saw Wolv again last night, apparently he decided to give me a key to his room at the Inn. I guess he chose to give me some communication device with a tracker or something which I attached to my under shirt so it wasn't really visible. I didn't really like having to wear it, but I guess the least I could do is please Wolv somehow. Especially considering all that he;s done for me, he;s too kind to me and too good for me sometimes. I felt kind of strange about taking everything when he insisted I did so I agreed without arguing it too much. I didn't think that it would do much good to decline when he told me he went through the trouble of getting me a few outfits and some roses, not to mention new boots. I guess he noticed that the soles on my boots were nearly fallen off, I don't know.

I went to the room about an hour or so after him after picking up my duffel bag from its place behind the dumpster in the back alley. I kicked it under the bed after entering the room and didn't really spend much time looking over the contents. I caught a mere glimpse of some of the things in there, but didn't take time to scan everything over.

Wolv looked rather peaceful and made the bed look more comfortable then I had remembered it, I didn't change or anything. I did take off my boots and then I lay in the bed beside them. I attempted to watch him sleep, he looked so relaxed and peaceful that I wanted to take in the moment and savor it. Unfortunately sleep came under me and pulled me down before I knew it and I slept longer than I think I ever have.

I felt a little awkward about wearing something he had bought for me so I didn't change into anything, I left my clothes from the night before on instead. I decided then to make a visit to Manny and put on my leather boots. Something Wolv bought for me may have been a lot more nice, but I was looking for comfort for the trip ahead. Plus I had a feeling that I would want to pry to see if he was sure the clothes would even fit and if so then how he managed to figure out what size I happened to be.

Manny and I actually argued, something that happens very rarely because we usually only fight when he does something completely and utterly stupid. I told him about everything going on lately, he wasn't too fond of the idea of my living with Wolv and seeing him. I could tell he was jealous and after he gave me all these reasons why I should stay away from him I told him to stop acting it. He said he couldn't help it, he was envious.

He told me I slept with him and that I loved him, he made it a statement of fact and not a question. I didn't admit nor deny either and told him whether I did or not had nothing to do with him. I think I hit a nerve because he lashed out at me and told him that I needed to be more considerate of him. I was used to Manny's tantrums about his obsession with vampires, but this had never come up at all. I left him behind and told him to get his act together, I would talk to him when he was more civilized.

After making the visit to Manny I spent the majority of the day at the hospital and asked about his condition before taking his hand in mine and sitting beside him. They said he was getting worse so I stayed longer than I normally would have. He seemed to take the news better than Manny about my being with Wolv. Well, it's kind of hard to say that about someone who doesn't really say anything back. He did beam at me though as though he were rather thrilled about my being with Wolv. The nurse came in the room to check on him as I was leaving and she said he was doing a little bit better.

I believed for a second that perhaps the news improved his condition, but I'm not superstitious so I ignored the thought.

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-07-17 04:41 EST

07-17

Dear Journal,

I've been spending a lot of my spare moments with Wolv, I tend to have a lot of those. I think I'm somewhat afraid to get to know him as well as I do though because I've never been very close with anyone except Manny. That and Wolv does so much for me that I don't know how to thank him. I'm trying to find a job to at least pay him back for all that he's done, but nothing ever shows up.

I went to visit my Father again, seems our time together is running to a close sooner than I thought. His condition has gotten worse by far. There was an unfamiliar woman in his room today, she spoke to me and said that I must be Zacharia. I nodded politely, but didn't do much else and found out that she's been visiting him for quite a long time. Ever since she found out he was in the hospital, that is.

She told me that no one had contacted her when he was put there so that she came to visit the house one day after no contact with him. She said I must have been sleeping or at school because she argued with my whore of a Mother on the matter and was denied the right to see him. She told me my Mother didn't like the fact that she was a voodoo priestess and could do magic revolving around the dead. Something about it being in her blood so she shunned her from talking to me.

Apparently the trait is passed through a female blood relative and she didn't want me to learn any of it. I asked her about my talking to the dead and she immediately beamed and acted pleased. She said I know more than she though I would... I didn't even know voodoo priests existed myself. She began trying to meet with me to get to know me better. I don't know f that's such a good idea though... But when she mentioned that people would pay to talk to those whom are dead for a rather large sum of money I was reluctant to go.

I think she knew that I needed the money and wanted it to pay back Wolv... I just don't feel right allowing him to pamper me the way he does right now. I figure when I tell him he'll leave anyways like my mother apparently did when she found out I possessed anything of the sort. She loved my Father and it didn't stop her from leaving. I guess if I convince him to let me pay hi back then leave I won't feel guilty...

It's not that I want to leave, I don't... but my Grandmother told me he dubiously would. She said all people are the same, her husband left her and the same with her Grandmother and so on. She also said that my Mother must have wanted to protect me from such things and when I started talking to my sister who wasn't there she found it to be useless and fled. My Father didn't possess the "powers" she talked about so she didn't care, but she couldn't handle it when I did...

Does this mean everyone's going to abandon me? I'm not really worried about anyone leaving except for Wolv, I do care about him a lot... He said to be honest with him so the least I can do is mention it to him sometime when I get the chance. I don't know when that will be, but I'll think about the whole thing... Maybe he's different? Maybe my Grandmother forgot to mention someone who didn't leave or something? I really hope the thing doesn't scare him...

It's not like I have to actually engage in practicing more than what I know. It doesn't hurt to learn some of it just to see what all these said arts consist of. I'm not raising the dead and such, she said that was forbidden unless the soul was trapped and had no where to go. Apparently my sister is in that category because I can talk to her when I want. All I have to do is whisper her name and she's there seconds later. If you want to talk to someone who isn't exactly there then you have to do some kind of ceremonial thing with bandages and this gooey orange ointment.

I talked to her about it when we went for lunch. She wanted to take me out and wouldn't take no as an option. She knew I must have been starving because I'm reluctant to use the coin and food Wolv left for me... It looks like I'm going to have to get Wolv alone though to talk to him, I don't really want anyone else finding out about this... And if he leaves... then I guess he leaves no matter how much I don't want him to, but I can't stop him. Perhaps I'll get lucky... and if he does leave, I guess I ave Manny left no matter how discomforting the thought is.

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-07-20 19:40 EST

07-19

Dear Journal,

I have enjoyed Wolv's company thus far, I talked to him about the things that had troubled me and he seemed to accept them. I was dragged into a water war of some sort with Darkmere and Icer, as well as two other patrons whose names I either don't remember or never received. Dark taunted me and teased me throughout the battle and I used him to tease Wolv.

When I returned to the Inn late that night I ran into Dark and Wolv was gone, apparently he felt the need to greet me with open arms. I found myself kissing Dark after a while and before I knew it his tongue was in my mouth... He offered to walk me home and I must have paled because he said he would be there for me should anything happen.

I really don't know how I'm going to bring this up to Wolv now and I guess I'll have to confront him on the matter eventually...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-07-23 00:50 EST

07-20

Dear Journal,

I ran into Wolv in the Marekt today, my feeble attempts at wearing a hat, scarf and glasses that took up half my face did well as a disguise to hide from him. Wolv knows my scent though... He knew it was me and I hid behind a magazine, but he was in too good of a mood. How could I break the news to him that I had cheated on him? When he played along I knew that it was going to prove fdifficult, especially when he asked me to give two roses to some woman and tell her he loved her... I knew he was referring to me... and the whole thing ended up pretty messy.

I don't know why I expected Wolv to lose his temper, maybe because everytime I've seen the touchy subject of cheating mentioned the thing always turns out with someone yelling or hitting another person. Wolv remained unusually calm compared to the others... it daunted me somewhat. Dark showed up and stepped to the plate, Wolv said he was leaving for three days and said something that kind of stung... If you're going to stab someone, do it in the front. You might be surprised at the results...

I was in tears after he left and allowed Dark to comfort me... He kissed me and being my submissive self I let him. I assumed that Wolv wouldn't take me back and used Dark to take the pain away... It hurt more than I thought it would... If this is what love is then I hate it. I had told him that... He said love could be a beautiful thing... I really don't know what to do now though...

Dark is mesmerizing and pleasant to an extent, his kisses are exotic even though I really shouldn't be thinking about it or speaking of it even... I just... can't help myself. Wolv loves me and he is comfort... Well, except for right now... I hurt him and he's gone. As far as I can tell. Who knows if he'll speak to me again or return?

Kaspar · Date: 2007-07-23 20:26 EST

07-22

Dear Journal,

I'm somewhat worried about how things are going so far... I talk to Araya earlier and went for a walk to get some fresh air. I ran spent some time with Dark as well... I felt kind of awkward because he was kissing someone when I saw him, but I saw Kitsuneko and ended up ignoring them for the most part.

I think he overheard me tell her that he mesmerized me and when I saw him later that night things were kind of awkward between them,, I talked to him about my Father's condition because he asked me how much money I needed. I lied to him, but when he forced me to meet his gaze I told him about the hospital bill... My Father's on life support now and everything so the bills are higher than they should be.

He doesn't really know who the bills are for, but he offered to pay him because I nearly broke down... I told him that he was the only person I wanted to take care of. He's the only one who's really been there for me even though he can't talk and I love him...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-07-25 04:48 EST

07-24

Dear Journal,

I talked to Araya today and I met some vampire by the name of Micajah, apparently he can see her... I finally ran into Wolv in the Inn, at first he seemed angry with me... the way he looked at me made me so nervous and weak that I nearly collapsed. I don't know how I managed to talk to him... I guess I was pretty distressed because Dark heard me crying and showed up to see what was going on. Wolv and him started arguing and Wolv told me he wasn't going to fight for me...

I told him fighting for me wasn't what I wanted, I didn't care about that... When Dark left the Inn Wolv took me upstairs to his room to clean up. We talked for quite a while... And said to promise me that I would tell him if I had a change of heart. I agreed, of course... He said he wanted me to move into him with a house he had constructed. I can't recall if he said it was done or not, it wasn't the house I was interested in at the moment... I missed him and wanted to fix what was wrong...

He said that if I broke my promise I couldn't have him ever again... When I asked him about being friends if we came to that bridge he said he cared about me too much. He didn't want to be friends if he knew that he couldn't have me... I was kind of shocked by that actually... I didn't think he cared quite that much... I mean, I knew he loved me... but... eh, never mind.

I wander how Dark is doing, he didn't look too pleased when he left... Maybe I'll make a point to talk to him if I see him in the Inn. I told Wolv I would avoid being alone with him for now. I don't want to do anything I'll regret... I care about Dark and everything, but a relationship with him wouldn't really work.

I did finally admit to Wolv that I loved him though, he acted pretty surprised and then asked me to repeat myself... When I did he seemed rather happy, it was the first time he actually smiled at me that night... I really didn't mean to hurt him so much... The other night when I talked to Dark he said he never meant to hurt me and I said that he never did, that I hated him... At the moment I meant it... I've always heard that vampires can smell lies on you so they know when you're telling the truth... No matter how small the lie...

I wonder if that's how Dark always knows when I'm telling him the truth lying... Either that or he must be able to read me pretty well... No one else has ever picked up on my lies so quick...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-01 16:50 EST

07-31

Dear Journal,

I spoke to Wolvie before I left, apparently he wants to take me aboard his ship because he's been mentioning it for quite a while and keeps bringing it up. I asked him if it was important to him and didn't really get a definite response, but I have a feeling that it it is. I kind of do want to go with him in some ways....

Before I left I told him I would be gone for a few days. It seems like he can read me like a book because he automatically seemed to know that I was going to visit my Father. I have been visiting my Father quite a bit since my arrival, but I didn't really expect him to know where I was going... Though, now that I think about it... it really isn't that difficult to presume.

It was about there days since I had left Rhy'din and I had told my Father about everything that was going on, the fact that Dark and Wolv both seemed to want to help him somehow. Well, I'm not too sure about Dark anymore... We haven't exactly been near each other. Not to where I can actually talk to him without Wolv being there. It's not that I want to be alone with him, I just don't know how to confront him. I also informed my Father that I might be moving into Wolvinator's Estate, I don't really know the exact date yet though.

I turned to leave for the night and walked down the narrow alleys, I could feel a presence behind me and sped up. I don't know how I knew someone was following me, something just seemed awry. Out of place, you could say. I didn't see anyone, just a bunch of shadows and empty streets. Nonetheless, I began to panic and increased my pace when I heard footsteps near a dark car parked on the opposite end of the alleyway. I began to run when the car pulled up behind me and began to follow me.

As I gained speed, my thoughts almost went blank. Wolv said I could run over sixty to sixty five miles per hour. Maybe I could outrun the approaching vehicle? I had felt my hear pound inside my chest, thudding dangerously to the point that I could almost... taste it. When I reached the edge of a lake after much running I spun on my heel, I didn't see anything at first and thought the whole thing a figment of my imagination. When I saw a black Volvo, dark as the night pull onto the beach and head my way though I succumbed to my fears once more.

I shook as a palpable wave of trepidation washed over me and I was suddenly daunted by the figure in the automobile. When the door opened and closed, I blinked a couple times. Doctor Hawkins? Surely not. What would the man who looked over her Father be doing following me around town? He greeted me with a smile that could warm the coldest of hearts. He towered over me by about a foot with a mass of curly black hair and sable brown eyes. I would estimate his age to be around five years older than myself... He was gorgeous by human means but he seemed rather plain to me opposed to Dark and Wolvie...

I felt a little more at ease, but when he suddenly approached me and enveloped me in a hug I pushed him backwards. When he pressed his mouth over mine I bit down, hard and he gripped me suddenly. I told him I was seeing someone, but he shoved his body against mine, holding me close. His hands moved for my throat and he pushed me forward, causing me to land in the waves of the lake. Seaweed covered my legs as I moved to rise to my feet and before I knew it he was above me.

A hand pressed over my mouth, shiving me down into the water as if to drown me. I struggled for breath for the longest time and then everything seemed to go white briefly. When I was finally able to regain my breath I noticed that skeletal hands were reaching up and dragging him into the ground. The gold chain around my neck with the dragon pendant cut off my breathing a little and I reached for it.

My hand hesitated over the pendant, I was reluctant to use it so I moved the chain out of my way. I blinked as deathly white hands continued to rise from the ground and pull Doctor Hawkins against the ground so that he was gasping for air from the filthy water of the lake. I rose to my feet and pushed him away from the water, I didn't want to feel responsible if he died and then as I moved to do so the hands retreated into the ground. It was as though they were never there, had never existed. Like they were there solely for my aid and I didn't need them anymore. Or something to that effect...

I heard him call me an alien and he raced for his vehicle, driving off like a bat out of hell. I returned to the hospital the next day and he wasn't there at all. Or at least I didn't see him and the day following that I returned to Rhy'din. I saw Wolv and we spent some time in each other's company throughout the night. He asked me to whre something nice the following day and I agreed though I don't really know what he meant by nice. I guess I'll find something...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-03 15:30 EST

08-01

Dear Journal,

I dressed up as Wolv asked me to and we shared half a bottle of champagne before my departure brought our shared company to a close. I returned later that night to meet a man by the name of Selo, he's quite tall compared to me and gave me some enchanted dragon that I could call upon in a time of need and easily dismiss as well. I have no idea why he did so myself, I barely met the man.

I met a second man as well who showed up while I was conversing with this Selo, his name is Lang. I must say we have quite a lot in common. Both having been in England, but never really enjoyed it. He likes to run as well, or so it seems. Apparently he has a history of being an assassin which is comparable to my background as a thief. He's either shy or lacks social skills, something I can relate with as well. I do hope to see him again though...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-03 15:44 EST

08-02

Dear Journal,

I ran into Wolv in the alley, he gave me something to contemplate on... He said it was important he tell me he was married and had two children before we left to visit my Father. He also said he would understand if I didn't want to see him anymore, he seemed hurt and upset and I assured him that I would still be there for him. Though it is hard for me to accept...

I found out Wolv is old enough to be my Father and that he has kids who are adults... Would that make them my age? I didn't ask the latter of the two and he didn't really like the previous statement. It's tough to comprehend... I'm trying to get over the whole idea though...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-03 16:43 EST

08-01

Dear Journal,

I dressed up as Wolv asked me to and we shared half a bottle of champagne before my departure brought our shared company to a close. I returned later that night to meet a man by the name of Selo, he's quite tall compared to me and gave me some enchanted dragon that I could call upon in a time of need and easily dismiss as well. I have no idea why he did so myself, I barely met the man.

I met a second man as well who showed up while I was conversing with this Selo, his name is Lang. I must say we have quite a lot in common. Both having been in England, but never really enjoyed it. He likes to run as well, or so it seems. Apparently he has a history of being an assassin which is comparable to my background as a thief. He's either shy or lacks social skills, something I can relate with as well. I do hope to see him again though...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-04 21:51 EST

08-03

Dear Journal,

I met someone by the name of Syledra today, she seems rather amibal and I do hope to see her again. Unfortunately I got a little frightened and took off when someone entered the Market in a rather foul mood. It seems that I've been spending most of my time there lately... I don't know what it is about the Market, maybe because there are vendors so I don't feel completely alone yet I don't feel overwhelmed by people at the same time.

I spent most of the night talking to Wolv, it seems like we've been staying up late into the evening a lot lately. Most of the time all we do is converse, I never knew there was so much you could find to talk about myself...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-05 17:00 EST

08-04

Dear Journal,

I ran into Lang again yesterday and ended up messing around with him, unfortunately I underestimated myself and what may have been a playful knee to the groin... If that's what you want to call it ended up sending him to the ground... I regretted doing it then and to make matters worse Wolv entered the market and Lang stayed long enough for an introduction and left after I was rude to him about the whole thing. I really hope he isn't infuriated or anything by him, I do so enjoy his company and I have a feeling I'll have to make it up to him somehow...

As far as things with Wolv go, he told me that he had taken Miko under his wing and that she was like a daughter to him. Another little surprise he gave me, I may just have to get used to them... I ended up leaving for a bit, deciding to go for a run or something by means of releasing some pent up energy. I returned to the room later that night to see Wolv looking over some plans for the Estate before I decided to go to bed. Unfortunately, Wolv decided that I didn't need to sleep just yet for he wanted to spend some quality time with me...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-06 14:56 EST

08-05

Dear Journal,

I encountered Lang again and we fight like children quite often, or so I noticed throughout the time we spent together. I do enjoy his company and we are becoming quite close as friends - or so what I would call close, considering I'm more comfortable with him and Wolv than much of anyone else at the moment. I wouldn't necessarily count Araya because she's my deceased sister and Manny isn't around at the moment.

I should make a visit to go see him sometime when I have some free time, but I'll make it a point to do so after I leave with Wolv to see my Father. It will dubiously be after we leave and everything and then I'll probably be reluctant to return for a few days, but I do miss him...

I guess I change subjects quite a bit, not randomly - but I do. So back to Lang... I guess a part of me got jealous when he ignored me for someone else yesterday while we were in the Market. I don't even know why I did, maybe because he's one of the few friends I have right now? I did admit that I liked him and I also told him I was seeing someone which caused him to keep things to a hug here and there. Not that he would have done more... I really don't know how he reacts around members of the opposing sex too well, most of our time together has been spent alone.

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-08 18:35 EST

08-07

Dear Journal,

I ran into my Grandmother, she told me to call her Madame Schlage. I thought it was a bit odd, but apparently it's her maiden name. She also said voodoo priestess and priests alike use the title Madame or Senor, having come from a line of Spanish blood. I asked her about the priests and she said certain men do learn how to practice the art though not all contain the innate ability, unlike the females of the family line whom automatically recieve such an ability regardless.

I did confront her about trying to make my Mother look good for me, she said it had something to do with the fact that she didn't want to think my Mother simply wanted nothing to do with me. Which she did... I shrugged it off, not really wanting to talk about my birth mother. She gave me a rather large book that was probably fatter than I am thin, pretty heavy and old as well. The think is held together by a broken clasp of some sort and the binding is falling apart.

I have been spending a great deal of time with Lang and I would have to say we are probably getting closer. I have been enjoying the moments I have shared with Wolv as well and I'm becoming more at ease with both of the men. Lang is usually there to deal with the childish part of me, I tend to insult him and yell at him. He gets his two cents back though he just views it as joking around which is good. I don't want to offend him too badly though sometimes our playful fighting causes me to actually hurt hi which surprises me... I don't mean to...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-12 17:02 EST

08-11

Dear Journal,

I haven't been around the Inn much lately, I've been wandering around aimlessly for the most part. I guess I just wanted to get away from the headache of people for a bit, being around everyone is kind of nerve wrecking. All these deceased people constantly trying to talk to me... while I'm trying to ignore them and get a grip on reality. I can't see many of the people that talk to me, only hear there voices... and others I can, but those ones tend to come to me when I'm alone. It doesn't seem quite as fake, but it's often like I'm dreaming around them... Impalpable people who speak all airy and such...

I did meet a female by the name of Zephyr, she's the only one I can seem to recall encountering. That and some guy named Dusty who insisted on trying to talk to me, he kind of gave me the creeps.. He wore a mask and emerald eyes seemed to pierce through me. It was kind of disturbing and I felt like I had just walked into the street in the nude... I don't know what it was about him, but I wanted to get away more than anything... So I kind of said that I had to go and ran off without awaiting a response from him in return. I know it's rude, but I just couldn't bare to be in the same area as him... I needed to lengthen the perimeter between us.

Zeph was rather kind to me and I enjoyed talking to her, she appeared to have a vast knowledge where the subjects of creation and destruction touch. She explained to me the balance and told me how things such as hurricanes were actually helpful to our way of life. It intrigues me to say the least. She also told me that she hoped that I had many children or something like that. I asked her what she meant by many, like a couple or a few... and I was kind of shocked when she said at least a dozen. The thought of having one child is brain racking. I don't know whether or not I'm ready, but... at least a dozen seems a little excessive.

She told me about her way of life and I did start to disagree, but the subject was brought to an end. She asked me if I ever saw the city from a bird's view and I said no, but I didn't hear from her after that. Must have been something to do with the nexus. I ran into Wolv in the Inn last night and spent the night in his company. He told me he missed me in his sleep and going eight or so hours without me caused him to want to hug me as soon as he awoke. It embarrassed me to no ends... But Wolv tends to do that.

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-17 00:59 EST

08-15

Dear Journal,

A lot's gone on these past few days, one being the event that took place the other morning. I was attempting to converse with Wolv when I saw Macabre, a man I had met previously. I was kind of upset with this man because apparently he is able to read minds so I was kind of aloof about approaching him and him coming towards me as well. The man had apparently been "spied" on during a date with Miko. The two were arguing and I was beginning to get annoyed so I joined the dispute, Much to my luck I was tossed into the wall by some invisible wave.

I was more frightened by the prospect then worried about whether or not I was hurt, I've never rally been a fan of magic and having others read my mind is rather terrifying to me. You would think it wouldn't be a problem, considering that I "speak" to the dead. It is though, it is completely different to talk to someone who isn't there then to have someone invade your mind.

I like to keep the majority of my thoughts to myself and when they become close to me then they shall have the opportunity to ask me about what they would like to know. It is one thing to question something about a certain topic and another to invade their mind without permission. It makes me feel so exposed and violated...

Apparently Wolv was upset by the way Macabre treated me and the two engaged in a rather intense fight before taking off out of the Inn. I don't know what happened outside of the common room, but the man came flying in and landed on the bar. The counter was needless to say... covered in blood. I was surprised at the amount that covered it and in an attempt to do something with my hands I grabbed a rag and washed the counter off. I was rather nervous and Wolv told me it wasn't my job and that I had done enough... I was rather shaken up, but I listened to him and reluctantly pushed the rag away.

A man whom I did not receive the name of ended up questioning me about the brawl, but I wasn't much for help. He ended up leaving shortly after so I never really had the chance to ask for it anyways.

I saw Macabre later that day and he was running into the Inn with his skin hanging off his bones and his entire person engulfed in flames. He managed to get the fire off of him and I was too daunted to do much of anything, I started questioning him about what he was and he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He took off running upstairs and I chased after him to help him... He forced me to rip the skin off of a large teddy bear.

My hands were covered in cuts as the end result and he began to scream for blood, I wanted him to shut up so I pressed my mouth to my skin and tore the flesh. It hurt quite a bit, but I managed not to react to the pain. Apparently it was cut by the right blade so the wound ended up being opened further before Macabre would drink from it. The wound stung as he lapped at the crimson pooling out of my arm and I fought off the urge to yank it away. After Macabre fell asleep I left him in the Inn and took off.

That was the last I heard from the man before being questioned about his murder from another man the next day. I told him as much as I could before he asked me about some claw marks found on the makeshift skin I had assisted him with the day previous. I was rather flustered and told him that I couldn't help him because I really didn't want to help put Wolv in jail should he have actually committed the crime. I heard him mutter the name after I said that and took off, I didn't really want to help with his investigation and wanted more than anything to get away.

I ran into a man named Victor whom I haven't seen in quite some time, he shared some unsettling new with me about Darkmere before my leave brought our conversation to an end. Apparently someone has been investigating him and invited him to a dinner of sorts, I didn't catch the name but it kind of made me cautious about this man he brought up... I might have to ask for the name later for future reference because I don't know the man personally and would like to keep my eyes out. Just incase I might happen to encounter the person...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-19 20:22 EST

08-17

Dear Journal,

I ran into Vivo yesterday, he was drunk off of his rocker and made a complete and utter fool out of himself. I felt somewhat sympathetic towards him despite the previous days encounter. I forced him to lay down on a couch and placed a damp rag over his forehead, he soon fell asleep and I departed him there.

Today, however, was different because a lot had happened and everything. I saw Zeph when I entered the Inn and we had a long conversation on the topics of mates. Apparently she's never been with someone and looking for someone to spend her life with is never a priority. It was never one with me either, I just happened to fall in love with Wolv I guess.

Zeph ended up taking me flying despite whatever fear of heights I had and it was rather amazing and extraordinary. I am grateful that she shared the experience with me now and perhaps it will help to alleviate my fears. Later on our flight if that's what you want to call it was brought to a halt and my companion taught me how to skip rocks across the lake. It's something I had never witnessed before and it piqued my curiosity thus I asked her to teach me...

That night I met a man by the name of Kalis, he approached me and somehow knew my name. I spoke to him for a bit and Wolv showed up while I was talking to him. Speak of the devil. Kalis was telling me how Wolv had spoken to him of me and referred to me as his girl... I guess Wolv must care about me a lot if he talks about me and people know who I am just by looking at me, right?

I mean... people talk about their lovers quite often, but that doesn't mean they describe the person...

After Kalis had left I departed for the Market where I began to dip my hand into the water. Apparently Lang thought it would be funny to push me into the water and get me drenched. I attempted to hug him and get him wet in the process, but he merely embraced me in return. He began to torment me and I started to get sassy with him only to have our argument interrupted by some Q figure. Apparently he knew Wolv and persisted on calling me Zacharia... something I'm not really fond of.

The man ended up leaving and I was using Lang's coat to wamr myself up while I curled up next to him. Rather intimately if I do say so myself, but I've always been affectionate with my close friends. Now that I think of it... I don't have many close friends. As of now, they include Lang.. Wolv and then Manny if he counts. I guess he does, but he is in an asylum so I'm not too certain.

I ended up kissing Lang, but it was more of a dare than anything and I did flirt with him... I guess there's no harm in flirting with a man though or hugging him even because it's not like there is anything between us. We're just friends and the kiss meant absolutely nothing...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-19 20:54 EST

08-18

It was rather uneventful day... It started off almost as normal as any other day, but there was a lot of drama... More so than I would have liked. I encountered a man in the Market and we shared a long discussion on the topic of lovers and such. I was trying to assist him with some relationship problems he had been having... I ended up asking him about what he did for entertainment and he mentioned breaking horses.

I asked him about it and he took me for a horse ride out of the Market and into a pasture while we talked over the hooves of the horse. I rather liked the horse we rode and found his name to be Scratch. The whole thing was rather enjoyable and exhilarating. I ran into Wolv at the Hall not long after, telling him of the whole thing and he seemed to act rather... jealous. I told him Val would like to meet him and he lightened up a bit, apparently he had to leave so I told him I would meet him in the Market.

Lately I'm always in the Market when I'm not at the Inn which is probably how people know where to find me when they're looking for me. I saw Lang when I returned outside and he couldn't have been there long for I hadn't been gone for too long of a time. We both ended up acting rather childish as we tend to do... He's the only one I can ever really do that with. I guess because we both never really had one, we both grew up at a young age and were there to be responsible.

Our wrestling ended up in the both of us cuddling together... which it usually does and I remembered Manny then. How when we were little we used to just lay out on the ground in the middle of the park and nap together... or anywhere for that matter. Manny always watched out for me like an older brother would. I guess that's part of the reason I am so emotionally attached to Lang.

I had forgotten I was supposed to meet with Wolv and when he showed up and took off I didn't see him. I didn't think much of it until Lang said something to me. I took off after him and panic washed over me in a palpable wave. I felt like if something touched me I might just shatter like fragile glass. I tried to tell him that nothing happened, but somehow Q knew of the kiss and decided to tell Wolv just that when he interrupted what we were going over and everything.

Wolv told me that he was upset over the incident with Darkmere considering that he was a friend and it hurt him to know that I kissed a man who he barely knew the name of. Lang was a stranger to him.. He asked me what I would do if I walked in on him and another woman. I wanted to answer and tell him that I didn't know which was the truth at the time... but now that I think of it... I probably would take off runing because I would be hurt... Just as I hurt him... It pains me to know that I caused him any pain at all. But to do so twice?

Wolv left me there in the alley and I was crying until my eyes were puffy and red, purple at the edge of the lids as though they were bruised from wiping at them too much. Lang stayed with m in his attempts to comfort me, Q showed up and I hadn't realized it. I confided that I wished Wolv would have hit me.. I felt the need to grip something or tear something apart. Whether it be myself or or others... that or I wanted someone to hurt me... Q told me that Wolv would never hit me and didn't say much else for he left.

Lang attempted to get me to relax by embracing me, but it was solace I sought at the moment. I just wanted to scream and yell, I wanted to break something. I thrashed against Lang and was glad that I hadn't hurt him... I was screaming at Lang the majority of the night before I finally let my guard down and let him scoop me up in his arms. He cradled me like a child and sang to me. Apparently in the process the subject of love came up and I had agreed to it without much realization at the time. When he brought it up I denied any of it... but now I don't know.

Is it possible that I do love Lang and that's why I allow him to get so close to me? I don't want to care about him, I can't... I'm seeing Wolv and I love him... but at the same time... I couldn't go home and I told Lang that. He told me I wasn't to sleep in the streets and when I assured him that I would be fine he refused to leave my side... I allowed him to sing e to sleep. Not much you can do in a Market anyways so I figured we were fine? Besides... any physical attachment between me and Lang remains minimal. Sure... I use him to cuddle next to, but that's as far as it goes. I woke up and left Lang there... sure that he would understand if I didn't wake up at his side.

What I wanted was to talk to my sister... I tended to look for her when I was having troubles and this to me... was a dilemma that I wanted to share with her. Who was I to ever try and offer any assistance to Val on his current relationship when I was seeking help on my own?

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-24 16:01 EST

08-24

Dear Journal,

Over the course of the last few days I have spent my time in the company of Lang and continue to sleep on a bench in the Market. I know it's not really all that safe and everything, but it's easy for me to get used to. I'm more accustom to sleeping outside than anything else. And beds tend to make me claustrophobic because I find myself on the floor of Wolv's room at the Inn at random hours of the night and have to get back in.

It was actually kind of hard to get a decent night's sleep when I was staying at Wolv's, considering that I'm not yet used to it. I felt like a slight insomniac, laying in the bed until later afternoon sometimes in hopes of falling back asleep... Anyways, everything between Wolv and I has pretty much been solved and I've moved back in with him. Apparently the Estate is finished as well and it was a little different than I had expected...

There was a pretty bad storm the night he took me home and the day that followed it, which just happened to be yesterday, showed the same signs in weather. It was raining pretty heavily when I entered the Inn and when I was confronted with a crowd I chose to turn around and head for the Market. I happened to notice Lang and we did engage in conversation, but the nexus decided to drag me off at an inopportune moment.

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-30 02:43 EST

08-30

Dear Journal,

It's the end of August and oh, what a week has it been? Ive got a real head full of stress... Every time i turn around someone is mocking my love life without really knowing anything of it... Kiah and his visiting me at the state with his daughter, some mysterious priestess who wouldn't give me a name... Every time I turn around, there's someone talking tome about carrying Wolv's children or telling me that I'm in love with another man...

And apparently I am in love with another man... Lang. I've tried so hard to hide it and deny it to everyone as well as myself... But... well... I opened a can of worms.

Everything is tense now... It really is a long story...

Wolv and Lang don't really care for each other and a lot of arguments have come up between Wolv and myself lately. If I keep it up then I will lose him... I would go into details, but I think I'll wait until later... I'm upset and I have a huge migraine... I just want to take some sleeping pills and sleep in...

-Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-08-31 13:10 EST

08-30

Dear Journal,

It's over... Everything with Wolv and I... We've been arguin all week because I spend more time with Lang than him and he realized that I enjoyed Lang's company more... I don't think I can handle it right now... He left and I don't know if he's coming back... It hurts so much... It doesn't help that I fell asleep in the alley... but things seemed to take a turn for the worst.

Aaron, whom admitted he loved me last night out of the blue and showed up at the Inn today while I was with a new friend named Emmie. He attacked me and bit my neck, Dark examined the wound and everything. Aaron's nearly trying to kill me was just the beginning of a horrendous day.

Basically... someone approached me, claiming that they loved Wolv and called me a stupid little brat. She began to hit me before Wolv and Kalis showed up. I was topo upset to think about it and stalked off to get away and get a drink for the headache I had. Unfortunately... they followed and Wolv left me there, the others left sometime before that for the most part. I was alone then... I was with Lang before the whole thing happened and he disappeared from me sometime during that.

I grabbed a bottle of Absinthe, it's been a while since I was persistent on having th drink... I haven't been drunk in a long time, but I was quite insistent on doing so at the moment. I didn't expect to see Wolv or Lang there and something inside of me immediately snapped. Wolv and Lang both scolded me to top it and Wolv attempted to pry the bottle away from me. I slammed the bottle into the ground because I was sitting which caused Wolv to get hurt by a shard of glass in the process... Thankfully he heals well.

Wolv and I talked and he said he was leaving after the longest time, he tried to kiss me and I couldn't bring myself to react. It's not that I don't love him, but our relationship isn't working I don't want to give him false hope... So I let him leave, I didn't want to argue with him and I didn't want to pretend there was nothing between Lang and I...

After Wolv left I curled up into a small ball and lay there until I felt I heard Lang's voice, he comforted me and sang to me. I was somewhat relieved that there was someone there to comfort me. I told him I wanted to go home that I was tired, I was rather drowsy.... but I had a headache and too much on my mind to fall asleep. I think he knew that even though he had asked me if I wanted him there a while and I said for a bit that I wanted to be alone.. My emotions were sporadic and the next thing I knew I told him that I didn't want him to leave me too...

I was a complete and utter wreck, not just emotionally... but physically as well...

-Kas...

Kaspar · Date: 2007-09-01 14:25 EST

08-31

Dear Journal,

Wolv's gone now... He left and a part of me is tearing apart because of it... He was the first person who looked at me as a person. Not a petty thief, not some kind of alien or someone who must have lost all sanity for being able to talk to those whom are dead. It was uneasy for me to be myself around him at first and that changed quicker than I would have thought.

After that... I met Lang and was unusually drawn to him, becoming jealous of anyone who gained his attention over mine. I showed hatred towards him, taunted him, denied to myself how I felt so I wouldn't have to admit it... and then we developed a close bond that would later take a drastic turn in my life.

I didn't get any sleep the first night and I managed to get a very brief nap in, but waking up to Lang at my side made me feel rather awkward. Someone must have let him in, but Miko and Wolv are the only ones who were there... Then again he is a former assassin and I'm pretty sure if I looked close enough I could figure out how to sneak in myself somehow.

Anyways... He insisted on carrying me a we walked back to the Inn and I ignored his offers and resisted, he smiled and laughed at me. When we arrived at the Hall he removed my boots without any indication he was going to do so and massaged my sore feet. After which he worked out the kinks in my back and massaged each vertebrae with tender care... I probably needed it anyways, considering how tense I've been.

Lang offered to take me home and I allowed him to carry me off this time, I chose to sleep on one of the leather couches so he could crash on one of the others if he chose to. That and I don't feel comfortable sleeping in Wolv's bed... I know there are other rooms, but I was quite content sleeping where I did. It's not as bad as some places I've slept, some of which were pretty horrendous... I've slept everywhere from a sewer to a fancy manor, kind of like I am now... But... I don't know... Everything has been pretty hectic, I get migraines more and my emotions are sporadic so I can't even make out what I want all the time...

One minute I don't want to be alone whatsoever and the next I don't want anyone to see me...

I think I'm going to start going by Zacharia, simply because I don't want any reminders of Wolv for a while... Maybe I'll get used to it or something, I just want to clear my thoughts... It's not that I want to quit being called what everyone refers to me as because I'm running away from everything... I just... I'm confused and it's hard to get my mind off the past week's events, but I want to focus in on what's going on around me more so than the reason I'm so upset lately... I probably sound pretty pathetic, it's probably the alcohol intake.. At least I'm not drunk enough that I'm slurring my words yet... I've just been drinking Absinthe more lately to get rid of all the headaches and to loosen myself up more...

God knows I need it... I really am quite glad that Lang's sticking with me through all of this no matter the situation... Speaking of which, he left Rhy because he loves me apparently... I told him now wasn't a good time, I needed to get over this thing with Wolv before I actually did anything with him. He was very understanding and said he could wait until I was ready for something like that.

Wolv had some female apologize for hitting me the other night and insulting me. He asked her to join him on his mission and I hate to admit it, but it bothered me to extent... Like I have room to talk, but she said she loved him and I'm having an anxiety depression attack about it as well as everything mentioned previously... Man, I feel like I'm in a spanish Soap Opera where I can't make out what everyone is saying and at the same time... There's all this drama.

-Zacharia James Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-09-01 14:26 EST

08-31

Dear Journal,

Wolv's gone now... He left and a part of me is tearing apart because of it... He was the first person who looked at me as a person. Not a petty thief, not some kind of alien or someone who must have lost all sanity for being able to talk to those whom are dead. It was uneasy for me to be myself around him at first and that changed quicker than I would have thought.

After that... I met Lang and was unusually drawn to him, becoming jealous of anyone who gained his attention over mine. I showed hatred towards him, taunted him, denied to myself how I felt so I wouldn't have to admit it... and then we developed a close bond that would later take a drastic turn in my life.

I didn't get any sleep the first night and I managed to get a very brief nap in, but waking up to Lang at my side made me feel rather awkward. Someone must have let him in, but Miko and Wolv are the only ones who were there... Then again he is a former assassin and I'm pretty sure if I looked close enough I could figure out how to sneak in myself somehow.

Anyways... He insisted on carrying me a we walked back to the Inn and I ignored his offers and resisted, he smiled and laughed at me. When we arrived at the Hall he removed my boots without any indication he was going to do so and massaged my sore feet. After which he worked out the kinks in my back and massaged each vertebrae with tender care... I probably needed it anyways, considering how tense I've been.

Lang offered to take me home and I allowed him to carry me off this time, I chose to sleep on one of the leather couches so he could crash on one of the others if he chose to. That and I don't feel comfortable sleeping in Wolv's bed... I know there are other rooms, but I was quite content sleeping where I did. It's not as bad as some places I've slept, some of which were pretty horrendous... I've slept everywhere from a sewer to a fancy manor, kind of like I am now... But... I don't know... Everything has been pretty hectic, I get migraines more and my emotions are sporadic so I can't even make out what I want all the time...

One minute I don't want to be alone whatsoever and the next I don't want anyone to see me...

I think I'm going to start going by Zacharia, simply because I don't want any reminders of Wolv for a while... Maybe I'll get used to it or something, I just want to clear my thoughts... It's not that I want to quit being called what everyone refers to me as because I'm running away from everything... I just... I'm confused and it's hard to get my mind off the past week's events, but I want to focus in on what's going on around me more so than the reason I'm so upset lately... I probably sound pretty pathetic, it's probably the alcohol intake.. At least I'm not drunk enough that I'm slurring my words yet... I've just been drinking Absinthe more lately to get rid of all the headaches and to loosen myself up more...

God knows I need it... I really am quite glad that Lang's sticking with me through all of this no matter the situation... Speaking of which, he left Rhy because he loves me apparently... I told him now wasn't a good time, I needed to get over this thing with Wolv before I actually did anything with him. He was very understanding and said he could wait until I was ready for something like that.

Wolv had some female apologize for hitting me the other night and insulting me. He asked her to join him on his mission and I hate to admit it, but it bothered me to extent... Like I have room to talk, but she said she loved him and I'm having an anxiety depression attack about it as well as everything mentioned previously... Man, I feel like I'm in a Spanish Soap Opera where I can't make out what everyone is saying and at the same time... There's all this drama.

-Zacharia James Kaspar

Kaspar · Date: 2007-09-05 23:34 EST

09-04

Dear Journal,

Nothing much has gone on lately... Just that I guess Lang and I are officially together... Everything with Wolv is still upsetting me lately and Lang and I are practically inseparable at the moment. It's not that I want to be around him per say... I just don't want to be alone to deal with the stress and it's easier to contain my emotions when I'm with one of the two of them...

Well, I had a meeting with Kiah and his boyfriend and his daughter is going to start showing up in a little bit for me to watch over. And... I accidentally resurrected Aaron somehow... I was just messing around and the next thing I knew he was living.

Lang actually moved in the house and everything, I guess I'll see how things go for now...

-Kas