The chief qualities of a good confession are that it is humble, sincere, and entire. Lelah had absolutely no problems with humble and sincere. Entire, though, was another story. The last time she had been inside a confessional was the day before she'd gone into Last Chances Rehab, and that had been in February of 2004 ? more than seven years ago. She'd been in with the priest for the better portion of an hour as she confessed to every sin she'd committed since she was 14 years old. There was a laundry list of them ? pride, lust, and greed being the most prevalent.
And here she was again, lingering in the doorway of Perp Miz, as the locals called it, watching people coming and going into and out of the confessional booth. She wondered what sorts of sins they were confessing to, whether the priest inside really cared or if he was just going through the motions, whether she really had the courage to go and make a full confession. She'd spent most of the previous night lying awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling and finding it hard to breathe as the crushing weight of what she'd done to Ori, to Alain, to Gideon, but most importantly, to herself, settled in.
Finally, as dawn broke over the city and the sun climbed its way into the eastern skies, she roused from bed, dressed quickly, and took Oscar for a run. Her contrition, she decided was Perfect ? she felt deep, painful regret not because she was frightened of God's just punishments, but because she had offended Him, and in so doing, had hurt Him. She wanted desperately to be rid of her sins, to shed them like the ashes of a Phoenix and rise from them, new and whole and in God's grace once more.
After their run, she showered and headed off to Church. Her new Sato was there, on his corner across the street from the cathedral, and she could feel his eyes on her as she ascended the steps quickly. The need burned in her chest, setting her heart afire, and it was all she could do not to turn away from the promise of sanctuary, of acceptance and forgiveness, and go lose herself in the sweet numbness of the dragon's pearls.
The light above the confessional switched from red to green and she dragged herself from her thoughts and entered the dark booth. She peered through the grille, trying in vain to make out the priest's features. She thought she caught sight of sandy blond hair, a light beard, a hawkish nose before she drew the door closed behind her and knelt. She made the Sign of the Cross and kissed the knuckle of her thumb. ?Forgive me, Father,? she whispered, her voice harsher, more emotional than she would have liked. ?For I have sinned. It has been seven years, two months, and six days since my last confession.? She paused for a moment and then said softly, ?I cannot recall the exact numbers or sins that I committed before three months ago, Father, but I imagine that it was not greater than what I have done since arriving in Rhy'Din, in February.?
She glanced sideways, trying once more to see the face of her confessor. It looked as though his eyes were closed and he was listening intently. She took a deep breath and began again. ?I accuse myself of the mortal sins of lust, for I have fornicated with two different men, no less than twenty times, the mortal sin of pride, for I have thought myself better than others and have found great, pleasurable joy in my accomplishments on no less than ten occasions, and the mortal sin of anger too many times to count.? She paused again, wondering if he was going to speak, or ask questions of her. When he remained silent for an uncomfortable span, she said, ?For these and all the sins of my past life, I ask pardon of God, penance, and absolution from you, Father.?
The priest remained silent and Lelah began to panic. Was he dead in there? Was he asleep? Was he listening to an iPod and hadn't heard a damned thing she'd said? Finally, just as she was readying to knock gently on the partition between them, he spoke. ?Pray seven decades of the Rosary and meditate on the Joyful Mysteries of the Annunciation, the Visitation, the Nativity, the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Agony in the Garden, the Scourging at the Pillar, the Crowning with Thorns, the Carrying of the Cross, and the Glorious Mysteries of the Resurrection, the Ascension and the Descent of the Holy Spirit.? His voice was young, strong, gentle and caring.
?Thank you, Father,? Lelah whispered and made the Sign of the Cross once more before praying. ?O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee and I detest all my sins because of Thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to sin no more and avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen.?
?Dominus noster Jesus Christus te absolvat,? the priest intoned softly while Lelah prayed. ?Et ego auctoritate ipsius te absolvo ab omni vinculo sespensionis et interdicti in quantum possum et tu indiges.? He paused while making the Sign of the Cross, ?Deinde, ego te absolvo a peccatis tuis in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.? Then he took a deep breath and said in a slightly less solemn voice, ?May the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the merits of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of all the saints obtain for you that whatever good you do or whatever evil you bear might merit for you the remission of your sins, the increase of grace and the reward of everlasting life. Amen.?
?Amen,? Lelah whispered. ?Thank you, Father.? She slipped soundlessly from the confessional and headed home, to carry out her Penance.
And here she was again, lingering in the doorway of Perp Miz, as the locals called it, watching people coming and going into and out of the confessional booth. She wondered what sorts of sins they were confessing to, whether the priest inside really cared or if he was just going through the motions, whether she really had the courage to go and make a full confession. She'd spent most of the previous night lying awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling and finding it hard to breathe as the crushing weight of what she'd done to Ori, to Alain, to Gideon, but most importantly, to herself, settled in.
Finally, as dawn broke over the city and the sun climbed its way into the eastern skies, she roused from bed, dressed quickly, and took Oscar for a run. Her contrition, she decided was Perfect ? she felt deep, painful regret not because she was frightened of God's just punishments, but because she had offended Him, and in so doing, had hurt Him. She wanted desperately to be rid of her sins, to shed them like the ashes of a Phoenix and rise from them, new and whole and in God's grace once more.
After their run, she showered and headed off to Church. Her new Sato was there, on his corner across the street from the cathedral, and she could feel his eyes on her as she ascended the steps quickly. The need burned in her chest, setting her heart afire, and it was all she could do not to turn away from the promise of sanctuary, of acceptance and forgiveness, and go lose herself in the sweet numbness of the dragon's pearls.
The light above the confessional switched from red to green and she dragged herself from her thoughts and entered the dark booth. She peered through the grille, trying in vain to make out the priest's features. She thought she caught sight of sandy blond hair, a light beard, a hawkish nose before she drew the door closed behind her and knelt. She made the Sign of the Cross and kissed the knuckle of her thumb. ?Forgive me, Father,? she whispered, her voice harsher, more emotional than she would have liked. ?For I have sinned. It has been seven years, two months, and six days since my last confession.? She paused for a moment and then said softly, ?I cannot recall the exact numbers or sins that I committed before three months ago, Father, but I imagine that it was not greater than what I have done since arriving in Rhy'Din, in February.?
She glanced sideways, trying once more to see the face of her confessor. It looked as though his eyes were closed and he was listening intently. She took a deep breath and began again. ?I accuse myself of the mortal sins of lust, for I have fornicated with two different men, no less than twenty times, the mortal sin of pride, for I have thought myself better than others and have found great, pleasurable joy in my accomplishments on no less than ten occasions, and the mortal sin of anger too many times to count.? She paused again, wondering if he was going to speak, or ask questions of her. When he remained silent for an uncomfortable span, she said, ?For these and all the sins of my past life, I ask pardon of God, penance, and absolution from you, Father.?
The priest remained silent and Lelah began to panic. Was he dead in there? Was he asleep? Was he listening to an iPod and hadn't heard a damned thing she'd said? Finally, just as she was readying to knock gently on the partition between them, he spoke. ?Pray seven decades of the Rosary and meditate on the Joyful Mysteries of the Annunciation, the Visitation, the Nativity, the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Agony in the Garden, the Scourging at the Pillar, the Crowning with Thorns, the Carrying of the Cross, and the Glorious Mysteries of the Resurrection, the Ascension and the Descent of the Holy Spirit.? His voice was young, strong, gentle and caring.
?Thank you, Father,? Lelah whispered and made the Sign of the Cross once more before praying. ?O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee and I detest all my sins because of Thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to sin no more and avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen.?
?Dominus noster Jesus Christus te absolvat,? the priest intoned softly while Lelah prayed. ?Et ego auctoritate ipsius te absolvo ab omni vinculo sespensionis et interdicti in quantum possum et tu indiges.? He paused while making the Sign of the Cross, ?Deinde, ego te absolvo a peccatis tuis in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.? Then he took a deep breath and said in a slightly less solemn voice, ?May the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the merits of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of all the saints obtain for you that whatever good you do or whatever evil you bear might merit for you the remission of your sins, the increase of grace and the reward of everlasting life. Amen.?
?Amen,? Lelah whispered. ?Thank you, Father.? She slipped soundlessly from the confessional and headed home, to carry out her Penance.