Some hours after Lelah had gone, Ori finally stirred from his seat in the chair. He?d spent all of that time simply sitting and thinking, going over the events of the day, and the few days before, ever since he?d arrived here in RhyDin. He?d told himself that morning that he should keep a journal of his time in RhyDin. He?d even gone and bought a blank book from the Marketplace. He?d kept a journal in high school, and it had really helped to write everything down, lay it all out and be able to look back at it later.

Well, no time like the present, Ori. Get to it. He stood, and walked through one of the doors on the right, into the study. There was the book he?d bought, waiting for him on the desk. He sat down at the desk, opening the book to the first page. At the top, he wrote ?Sunday, April 24th.? That was the day he arrived. Then he skipped ahead two pages, wrote ?Tuesday, April 26th? at the top of the third page. That was the day he?d gone to Inn, met that prick Gideon, and went home with Lelah. The night she?d kissed him. He smiled at the memory. Nothing much happened on the 25th, just him trying out his magic. Two more pages, ?Wednesday, April 27th.? Last night. Dinner. He?d go back and fill in the previous days later. Tonight?s events were too fresh in his mind to put off. He chewed the end of the pen for a moment before starting to write.

At first blush, the night?s events seemed like a near-catastrophe. As I thought about it, though, I realized that I was looking at things entirely the wrong way. She wants me. She wants me. All by itself, that?s more than anyone before. So what if she?s prioritized getting the studio running and the first movie out before a relationship? It?s not that long to wait. Even if it takes a year, it isn?t that long, compared to the emptiness of my life on the Other Side. It?s not like I won?t be busy, either. I?ll be working on the movie right there with her. Which is something else amazing. Look at me now. I?m starting a job, a real job, for a real studio, and I?ll be working on movies! And the most gorgeous woman I?ve ever met told me tonight that she wanted me. Me! She wasn?t teasing me, either. When we were on the bed earlier, I could feel as much desire in her as there was in me. God, she felt so good in my arms. I wanted to keep kissing her until it hurt. And?no, that?s enough of that. I?m going to need more than one cold shower already.

I didn?t much like hearing about her dating Rhys, or flirting with that mamzer Gideon. But that?s stupid. I?ve only known her for four days. We?ve been on one, count it, one date. She knew both of them before I even arrived in RhyDin. I don?t have any right to complain, and I won?t. Not to her, at least. But I?ve seen it before, people trying to juggle relationships like that. It always ends badly. Someone?s going to get hurt. I don?t want her hurting, she?s got enough pain and sadness in her life already. I don?t want it to be me getting hurt either, obviously. Do I have the chutzpah to fight for her, though? Will it even come to that? I don?t know the answer to either, yet. I guess we?ll just have to wait and see. She asked me if I wanted to go to this Beltane Bonfire thing with her on Sunday. Do I ever. It?s only three days away, but even that seems like too long. I wonder if she?d be upset if I called her later. Maybe we could get together, and talk about the studio or something. I don?t care what we?re doing, as long as I?m near her. Which reminds me?I need to ask her if she wants me to make a sign for the studio. Something magical, I mean. I?ve got a spell for permanent illusions that would be perfect for a sign. Wait, I have an idea for a present for her, something that?ll not only look nice, but will give her an idea of what I can do for the studio. She always wears some kind of tulip jewelry, it must be her favorite flower. I can make her a tulip. Yeah, I?m going to go do that now.

He pushed back from the desk and stood, looking down for a moment at what he?d written. It was a good start. He could put the rest down later. And it really had helped, just like he remembered. He felt way better now than he had just after she left. Maybe things were finally looking up for him.

Friday, April 29th

Didn?t do very much today. Walked around the Marketplace some more. I wanted to buy some of the components I saw when I had lunch with Lelah yesterday, but I have a definite issue of lack of funds. Since I haven?t actually started working for 21twelve yet?hey, I wonder if she knows that?s the name of a killer Rush album? I?ve never asked her what kind of music she?s into. Anyway, since I haven?t actually started to work, neither am I getting paid. I had all of two dollars and fifteen cents on me when I came over from the Other Side, and that got me lunch on Monday, before I figured out how the Magnificent Manse spell works. Talk about handy spells. No rent, no utility bills, no need to even buy groceries. It doesn?t help me to buy something like the spell components, or even a spell book, so I can learn some new spells, though. When this wizard I?ve become was just a character, on the Other Side, I?d chosen to give him three ranks in the Spell Mastery perk, which let me designate a select group of spells that he could prepare without the need of spell book. Turns out that was a really good decision, since now I?m him, and I don?t have a spell book. I?d be useless without those spells. Not all of my spells are like that, though. I have to be careful with the ones that aren?t. Once I use them, they?re gone forever if I can?t find a spell book with them in it, or write my own. I can do that, I think. The character had the knowledge, so I should, too.

Wandering the Marketplace aimlessly gave me a chance to do some more thinking about what?s going on between Lelah and I. There?s definitely a connection there. She told me yesterday that she felt safe with me. Is it sad that it was one of the nicest things a woman has ever said to me? I?ll be the first to admit my experience with relationships is all but nonexistent; the last girlfriend I had was in the seventh grade, and I?m pretty sure she only let me call her that because it kept one of my friends from trying to hit her all the time. Even so?I feel like there?s a real chance for us. If I don?t do something idiotic to screw it up. Or she doesn?t decide she?d rather be with someone else. In the interests of protecting my feelings, I shouldn?t really expect much to happen?but I can?t help it. I like being around her. I like it when she touches me, when she kisses me. I like that she?s interested in me, and God knows I?m interested in her. Not just because she?s amazingly beautiful, either, but because we really seem to get along. I feel good when I?m around her, and I think she feels that way about me. I guess the best thing to do is just keep taking it a day at a time, like we?ve been doing. I don?t have a right to complain if she sees other guys, and so I won?t. And if she wants to keep seeing me, well, you can bet your tuchis I?ll be willing.

Sunday, May 1st

I can honestly say that I have never in my life woken up to a better sight than that of Lelah?s face a few inches from mine, smiling at me. It was a while before we managed to get out of bed, and then there was a long, hot shower?

We had breakfast, pancakes and bacon. (I know?) While we were eating, she confessed to me that she?d bought some heroin the week before I got here. I was scared?I thought she was going to tell me that she?d gotten hooked again, and that thought scared the hell out of me. But it turned out that she?d bought them, but hadn?t used them yet. I can?t even imagine how hard it must have been to know that she had the drugs right here in her house, and still stay away. The strength of will that took...it blows my mind. I told her she should probably get rid of them, and she agreed to, if I would be there with her. I said yes, of course.

After breakfast, she went into her bathroom, and I watched as she flushed the heroin down the toilet. She said it was just desperation, but it was bravery. She was amazing. It was so hard for her to do, and she cried like mad, but she never stopped, until they were gone. I held her until the tears stopped.

We decided to take a walk, just to get out and do something?get her away from the house for a bit. It was nice, just walking along with her, holding hands, chatting. Doing the things that normal people do, you know? It didn?t matter that she?s an award-winning director and movie star, or that I?m in a body that wasn?t my own a week ago. We were just a normal couple, out for a walk. Holy crap?we are a couple, aren?t we? Wow. Please let all of this be real. Let Lelah and me be real.

Now for the weird part. During our walk, Oscar found some bones. Human bones. I think it used to be a wizard of some kind. I used the ?Move Earth? spell to dig a grave for the bones, and buried it. There was a book under the bones, and it turned out to be a wizard?s spell book. I can use it to both write out my current spells, and to study some new ones I found in it. I hope the wizard I buried doesn?t mind me using it.

Lelah was kind of freaked out about finding the body. Hell, so was I. I said I?d come back later and put a marker over where I buried the wizard. Before we left, she called me azizam, which apparently means ?sweetheart? in Persian. When she told me that, I got that swirly, tingly feeling in my stomach again. I really think I?m falling for this girl. I asked her to come back to my place, and when she agreed, I cast the spell right there in the woods, much to her delight. I really like how fascinated by my magic she is. I also didn?t tell her I?d changed the look of the place this time, into my best approximation of an ancient Persian castle. I thought it would be something special to do for her. She loved it. She asked if we could eat in the garden, and when I said yes, I called her ?darling?. I think she liked that, too.

Wednesday, May 4th,

I missed a couple days here, but I was pretty busy, settling into the new work routine, and, of course, spending time with Lelah. It?s a very new and different thing for me, being with a woman almost all the time like we?ve been since Saturday. Not just any woman, either, but a beautiful, smart, funny and talented woman.

We had some trouble today, though. Not anything I did, thank God. Someone leaked several pages of Lelah?s script for the movie to the local newspaper and their version of the internet. Lelah was furious. She called all of the studio heads to an emergency meeting, and I think the entire building could hear her shouting. It was torture, waiting for lunch before I could talk to her, but we?d both decided to be as professional as possible at work. It?s hard enough getting a business like a movie studio off the ground without people spending all their time in your private life.

I think I helped her feel a little better at lunch time. She gave me a copy of the script. I was touched by the trust that showed, right after this leak. She wanted to take a long lunch, to relax after getting so mad, so we went back to her place.

Over some truly delicious sandwiches and soups?she?s a great cook, I?ll have to ask her where she learned it?I told her about some of the things my magic can do for the movie. She got really excited when she found out I can make entire sets that?ll look and feel real. No need for soundstages and matte painting, or any of that stuff. She was stunned, said it?s going to save the studio so much money. I love the idea of being able to do that for her and the studio. I also think I came up with a good nickname for her. Butterfly. I thought of it when she was making the food, watching her move back and forth around the kitchen, never holding still for long. Like a butterfly moving from flower to flower. She liked it when I called her little butterfly. She asked if I could make creatures too, and when I said yes, she had me make a unicorn in front of her hearth. I think I just about gave poor Oscar a heart-attack when I cast the spell. I?d wanted to make it look real for her, so I used one of the more powerful illusion spells I have. It?s not just sight and sound, but has real smell, and the heat of a living body. It was good enough to fool a dog into thinking it was real.

I can hardly believe what happened next. Without much warning, or any significant prompting, she confessed that she was falling in love with me! Once she said that, I knew it was time to tell her that I was feeling the same, had been feeling the same for several days now. It doesn?t matter how fast it?s all been, I can?t pretend the feelings I have for her are anything else. And now I know she feels it too.

A little while later, she recited some poems by someone named Rumi for me. They were beautiful and almost painfully romantic. I?ll have to look Rumi up, and see some more of his stuff. Maybe I?ll surprise her by reciting one to her.

Saturday, May14th,

I should have known it was all too good to last. That she?d realize I don?t have much to offer her. I?m not rich, or sophisticated, or dangerous. Why would she be interested in me when there are people like him around? Why did it have to be him, though? A goddamn phone message. She?d didn?t even tell me herself, instead sending a message through Jenny. I really thought we had something here?something special. Did it really mean so little to her? Was I just blinded by my own feelings? I can?t believe it. I won?t believe it. She told me that she loved me. Why would she do this, after saying that? We shared so much?I told her things I?ve never said to anyone else.

It hurts. God, it hurts. I thought I knew what it was to hurt, after spending so long being ignored and rejected. I was wrong.

When he came back to the journal later, he read over the entry he'd written last and sighed. The things he'd said in were true; the way he'd felt before she came to talk to him, but everything had changed between then and now. He almost wanted to tear out that page, pretend it never happened. But he didn't. A real journal should have the good and bad, not just pretend everything was always good. He nodded firmly to himself, and wrote the next entry.

Sunday, May 15th,

Whoever said things get worse before they get better hit right on the nose. She came to see me after... She's said she would, but...I wasn't sure if I really expected it. But she did. And then she told me she'd had sex with him. I'm afraid I almost lost it, then. It was like someone took my heart in a vice and squeezed. It wasn't done, though. Then she told me she thought he'd drugged her. I did lose it, then. The magic almost escaped. I..scared her. She ran from me. In spite of what she'd just told me, when I realized I'd scared her away, I felt like crap. Like the worst person in the world. I had to go see if she was okay, no matter what was going on with us. She was...physically, at least. But scared...of me. It was painful to see. I almost left right there. But she stopped me, said we had to talk.

And then...then she told me that she still loved me. That she didn't want me to go. She told me she was scared. She meant she was scared that whatever Gideon had given her would get her hooked on it, like the heroin. I said I'd help her if I could, and I could see in her eyes that she thought I was pulling away from her. I took the plunge, then, and told her that I was still in love with her, that I couldn't stand to just be her friend. When I told her I didn't want to lose her, she literally threw herself at me, and broke down crying in my arms. I held her, and tried to tell her it was okay, that I forgave her.

She asked me if I would stay the night with her. As if I could possibly say no. Even without sex, I love being around her. I remembered the poem by Rumi I'd looked up for her, and recited it. She cried again, but it wasn't the same kind of tears this time. She kissed me, and then we went to sleep, holding each other.

I don't really know exactly what happened last night. If she was really drugged, if she just made a mistake, or even if she just wanted to do it. I know she went willingly to dinner with him. I'm not sure how I'll react if I ever see him again. I know what the magic wants me to do. It scares me a bit. I think...I think it's okay, though. Maybe okay is the wrong word. I'm still hurt and upset by it. But she's worth fighting for, worth a little pain. Forgiveness is a true sign of love, right? I forgive her. I forgive her. I love her.