Topic: Redemption does not come easily

Ethan Kaiser

Date: 2008-02-27 12:35 EST
The constant meddling of other folks had driven Ethan outside to the Inn's porch. He?d nearly been pummeled twice by separate parties, narrowly escaping both. Outside was safer. Outside was quieter. He was alone with his thoughts, which wasn?t necessarily a good thing. Ethan had seen Maeve inside and in his anger, snapped at her in frustration. Now sitting on the porch swing, it was just another thing to add to the pile of mistakes to guilt himself over.

Inside the inn, Maeve had tired of the tension and drama as well. She gathered her books and after saying a few goodbyes, made her way outside. She passed Ethan tensely, unable to find the words to part with him and so, simply nodded.

She made it about halfway down the road when she realized she would never get any sleep tonight leaving things this way. He was her china! They were supposed to be the closest of friends. Friends. She simply had misunderstood how friends acted in RhyDin. Walking back up the porch steps, she crouched to place her books nearby on the ground. Maeve hoisted herself up so she could sit on the railing, her shoulders hunched over and both palms holding onto the space between her knees.

It wasn't the first time they had sat together in silence. There had been plenty of times during their work at the Refuge. But, this felt different. She chose to wait, not knowing where to begin.

"Do you hate me, too?" Came a whisper from the dark. Ethan couldn't stand the silence. There had been a time when he'd been content to just sit with her in the quiet.. but, not now. Not when his chest ached like this.

Maeve stared down at what little she could see of the wooden porch in the dark. Her legs dangled in the air. ?No. What izit I should be wasting the energy hating on you for? I am telling you the time last. It iz not for me to say a thing about what you do with the chickies.? That last bit needed to be said out loud her benefit as much as his. They had had this conversation before. Who was she to have any right to judge? Of course, she had thought she could take a decent guess at who she was to him over these last few weeks but last night served as a slap in the face reminder that she had much to learn about reading people.

She continued to swing her legs while she let him digest what she said. She sniffled a little, but it was because it was cold out. The waterworks were not flowing, even if she had gotten misty for a split second earlier.

For a long while, the only sound coming from Ethan's vicinity was the creaking of the porch swing. Her words brought heaviness to his already emotionally laden heart. "I hadn't meant to hurt you Maeve. My mind.. it has a stupid way of processing information and..." what was he going on about? None of that would make sense to her. "I thought I knew what I wanted, but I'm confused right now." He hoped that would suffice.. and that she would accept his apology.

Ethan Kaiser

Date: 2008-02-27 12:36 EST
She frowned because she didn't understand much of the explanation beyond the part that said he didn't want her to be hurt. She wrapped her arms around herself and sniffled again in the cold, balancing on the rail. ?Maybe it iz I am lost in the translation again. I may have things for learning still on what it means to be chommies. We are that, ja? If it iz, you are needing not to throw the tempered words at me when I am not knowing why. My dogs, as you are calling them, I cannot control what they are wanting to do. Just as I cannot control what you are wanting to do. You can not screech me out for it.? That last bit more stern.

"I'm sorry." Ethan frowned. "You didn't deserve to be snapped at. I was just.. frustrated in there. I've already been punched once today for hurting you." A sigh, then a shake of his head. "Oh, and spit on. Can't forget that lovely part." He stopped the swings rocking with one of his feet, body leaning forward to set elbows to his knees. "And we are chommies, tannie. But everyone knew the truth. I... wanted more than that. I didn't know how to say it. And now?" He gave a mirthless chuckle. "I don't deserve someone like you, Maeve, obviously. And contrary to what everyone will tell you, I am sorry for hurting you. I don't know what I was thinking. Let everyone think what they want.. my apology is genuine." Hey, what do you know? Caitlin had been right about this. Too bad he had to muck it all up first.

This wasn't what she expected to hear. She lifted her head then and he would finally be able to see her cat eyes glistening underneath the army cap. She rubbed at her temples with one hand. ?Ethan, you have me more in a deurmakkar than before times. Whatizit you are meaning, you wanted and deserved? This iz...you may be knowing many people in a life but I am not before being in this city. I am not one who can see inside an oke's koppie.?

And here he'd thought that he'd been so clear. Ethan?s head dipped forward to rest in his hands, breathing heavily in frustration at his own inability to converse coherently. Why is it that every woman on the planet forced a man to spell out their feelings? It seemed that's how it happened time and time again. "I wanted -you-, Maeve." He looked up, chest tightening at her forlorn and confused expression. "And I didn't realize just how much until after..." he nearly choked. "Chase."

What was more shocking for the sheltered girl? A man admitting he wanted her or saying he slept with another woman to figure it out? She sat dumbfounded for some time until she gave her verdict. ?I may not be knowing how it iz with okes as much as you are knowing with the chickies but that iz a befocked logic, Ethan. So it iz you are going to go off with all the chickies to show me you are sweet on me?!? She wasn't fleeing. She wasn't spitting at him or hitting him. But she was frustrated because it made no sense at all.

"I didn't mean for that to happen," he pleaded with her, feeling utterly foolish to be having this conversation with a woman he hadn't even been dating. Maeve set his world upside down. He wasn't quite sure how he felt about that. "And I don't know how to explain it, but it was a mistake. I don't know what I was thinking.. I was.. I wasn't thinking. All I can say is that when I woke up this morning, I can honestly say I've never felt worse." He wanted her to yell at him. Needed her to.

Ethan Kaiser

Date: 2008-02-27 12:36 EST
Her heart swelled and her blood boiled all at once. She jumped down off the railing because she needed both her hands to help her talk as she began gesturing wildly.

Ethan stood as well, kicking himself for getting in this situation. He could have very easily just walked away when Cait had kissed him.. but no. Ethan had to prove her wrong. And then he had to hurt her. Why couldn't he have just continued on in his own way? Why did he have to allow his jaded heart to get in the way of something wonderful that had begun to blossom. Pride was a nasty thing and always got the better of him.

?Words are a hang of an ease to come by, Ethan! What kind of skelm says a thing and goes off to do the honeyed moon at every opening being tossed to him!? She wasn't screaming but her voice was raised. ?You could wish me all the stars in the sky but it iz the actions that speak to the heart and what izit yours are saying?!?

"They're saying I made a mistake and I don't know how to fix it. I want to fix it, Maeve." Taking a few steps towards her.

She stood her ground because she had been taught to do so. That said, she did give him a wary look when he came closer. ?This iz being new for me but even I do not skeem this iz how you are starting a thing. It iz in you to be wanting the quick fix as you are doing with most of your tinkerings. I am not for idle fiddlings, Ethan. I do not hate on you but your words are not as weighty as they should be when you speak. Howizit you skeem I am feeling, or any of your chickies, to see you kiss-kiss on all the rest?? She was little but those gesturing arms of hers were adding to the space she took up in the world right now.

Now this... this was worse than any damage that could have been done by outside parties. Ethan didn't care for the others' meddling, but Maeve's harsh words cut him to the quick. He withered as she ranted and chastised him, calling him out more-so than Caitlin had. There was no depth to his shame and anything he'd wanted to say fled his mind. Two words remained, but he doubted she believed him. Not after all she'd said. Looking utterly crest-fallen, Ethan gathered himself up straight. "I'll say it a thousand times if I have to, Maeve. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything and I'll do anything to prove it."

Guess he's made his choice. Ethan didn't wait for a response. Walking past her, he stopped on the first step, addressing her without looking back. "The northern section still needs some work. I'll be careful to stay to myself, but I'll be to work early." Now footsteps could be heard--Ethan walking away.

He left her with a rush of emotions. Now was one of the few times Maeve wished for her mother. Or her mother if she were clean. She watched him go and went to pick her books back up. She was grateful for once for the brisk air. She was flush with feeling and it would do her good on the walk home.