The Help Of Friends

Looking more tired than ever, yet determined to get his mind of his troubles, Bradley made his way inside. For once, his clothing wasn't pristine. Clean, yes, but looked as though he'd fallen asleep in them for a few hours. A broad, calloused hand rubbed over his face as he made his way towards the bar.

Eva was there, buying chocolate from the cigar girl, seemingly already settled in with an iced tea. Turning to set her newly acquired chocolate on the bar, she stops short, spotting Bradley, her smile faltering at the sight of him, and then rewarming.

Rena came back into the Inn shortly after Bradley, but through the alley door, having spent an hour or two with a good friend. Hands stuffed in the pockets of her jeans and a shirt tied around her waist, the tanktop was tucked into the jeans. Looking around, a path was taken to the bar. Seeing no tender, the break was walked through and a mug taken down, filling it with coffee and a splash of irish whiskey.

Eva smiled and waved a greeting towards Rena, then her eyes instinctively returned towards Bradley, lifting herself up onto a bar stool, her hand reaching for glass of iced tea, and turning it in circles.

Tired lines were etched into his face, giving him a weary and worn expression. Exhaustion and stress labored his breathing; frustration, anger, and whatever else could make a man upset quite evident in the way he carried himself. Silently, Brad moved behind the bar to get himself a mug of coffee, nodding numbly to Eva, Tara, and Rena on the way.

?Evening, Bradley,? said Rena, moving quickly to allow him passage. En route, she asked Eva how she was doing.

Eva swiveled to follow Bradley's movement, a glance to Rena as if searching for recognition at what she sees in Bradley, or looking for help with something to say. She reaches up and scratches a bare shoulder absently, her usual leather jacket gone for the heat.

The glassblower hunched himself over the coffee pot in a daze.

She nodded to Rena, a smile. In fact, she'd been just fine until Bradley walked in. She frowned at his back and then finally chose the direct approach. ?You look like hell, Bradley. If you don't mind me saying.? She says it, but she tries to keep her voice down so that it wouldn't reach many more than Rena.

Rena watched as Eva spoke what she was thinking. Ankles crossed as she got comfortable against the bar.

Bradley?s body jerked at the sound of his name but he managed not to spill any of the coffee from the brown glaze mug in his hands. Turning slowly, dark eyes lifted to where Eva was seated, then to Rena next to her. Mustering the strength, a smile appeared on his face. An empty smile, but a smile nonetheless. ?Well thanks.? He peeked into the mirror on the backbar and grimaced. ?Haven't slept but a couple hours in almost three days. ?

?I can see that.? She smiles in response and nods. There's no sympathy to her smile or understanding; just a polite smile to echo his.

?You know, I'm willing to sit with her for a while. She can come visit to give you a break,? offered Rena.

Eva was about to say something more, a different approach then Rena's, but she's too slow. Instead she took a drink from her glass, and then began to unwrap her chocolate bar. ?Chocolate??

A dark expression overtook the painful smile. ?I'm not sure she's going to be able to go anywhere.? Glancing to Eva, he holds up a hand dismissively to the Chocolate.

?I'll come there then.?

She breaks off a square of chocolate, and then slides the bar towards Rena offering it to her, silent now, her smile gone.

Though not really a fan of dark chocolate, Rena takes a square of it anyway, placing it in her mouth and letting it melt on her tongue. She continued to watch Bradley though.

He was appreciative of Rena?s offer, but the smile in his eyes never made it to his face. ?It would be nice to get some sleep. I'm sure Ethan could use it, too.?

A soft sigh escaped then a glance to Eva before turning back to Bradley. ?I'll be there around 8 or so. That's not too early, is it??


There was a small, appreciative smile for Rena. ?Thank-you. 8 o'clock is perfect. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you if she's not asleep.?

He fell silent for a moment, took a deep breath and plunged into the story. It was obvious they wanted to know what had happened, but weren't willing to ask. ?She'd had a cough for several days... I wanted to call it a summer cold. I had hoped it was that. Then two days ago, her coughing stopped. I heard her whimpering, ran out into the hall and found her with blood coming from her eyes, nose, mouth and ears.? His voice was stone cold, as if this was the only way he knew how to deal with his grief; to pretend it didn't hurt him. ?She doesn't have that long. My wife lasted 17 weeks after she'd gotten to this point.?

Eva?s brows furrowed into a deep frown, shifting on her barstool, her glass of iced tea scraping as it turns around in circles on the bar. A million questions leap to mind, but she can't bring herself to ask. She looks over at Rena distractedly, then back at her glass, her wheels turning, adding these symptoms into her research, trying to figure out what could be going on with his little girl.

Remembering his coffee, Bradley drank from it deeply. His eyes peered at Eva over the rim of the glass, observing her distressed appearance. ?I'm sorry,? he said, setting the mug on the bartop. ?I shouldn't have spoken so matter-of-factly about my daughters symptoms. I forget that some people cope with things differently than I do. ?

She just shakes her head and looks up at him, completely incapable of containing the question. ?Don't apologize... look, when's the last time your daughter has had a Chest CT? Or an MRI? Do you have the film??

Rena sat back and listened; she would let Bradley and Eva talk, since that was more in her realm of things than hers.

Bradley stared at Eva blankly. ?A what?? He shook his head. ?Oh, like the x-ray. We come from a small, country town. Ada's been to a hospital once, but I don't remember receiving any film from the doctors. They aren't sure what the disease is called or how to diagnose it. The best they can come up with is that it looks like consumption, but doesn't respond to that treatment. Then there are the symptoms that don't match up like bleeding from the nose and eyes, and also muscle deterioration in the late stages. Hosts of this disease either die of blood loss or suffocation.? Bradley grit his teeth, trying desperately to block from his mind the memory of how his wife had died.

She shakes her head, looking away for a moment, then finally looks back at him. ?Look, I don't want to interfere, but your daughter shouldn't be suffering like that, no matter what she has. If they can't... if they can't figure it out, they should be seeing her every week to monitor her progress. Every week!? Her hand balls into a fist and bangs on the bar to emphasize the last words, making the glasses clink.

Rena gave a glance to Eva, not having seen her this emotional about something in a while. ?We need to talk to Piper.?

?There is nothing that can be done. My wife died from the same disease. I watched it eat her life away, her time consumed by doctors? visits and useless treatment. Adalia doesn't want any of that. She made me promise her to let her live as normally as she could until it was her time.

Though outwardly appearing calm, Bradley wanted to behave like Eva. He was angry and didn't enjoy watching his daughter suffer. A great many times he'd let himself go in the privacy of his room, but since Stephanie had died, he'd had to carry this burden alone. He yearned to share the heavy yolk with someone else.

?So what do you suggest, Eva?? asked Rena.

It takes her a long moment to look up at Bradley, practically ignoring him. In the years she'd actually worked in a proper hospital, she'd heard this attitude plenty. She looked up at Rena first, then at Bradley. ?Just one day of testing. I can... I'll figure out the arrangements...? she glances at Rena again, and then back. ?I'll figure it out... but just one day... one day.?

Were they taking over here? Sure seemed like it. Poor Bradley. ?Don't worry about costs...we can take care of that,? then ponders some more, sipping coffee.

Eva nodded, completely waving away the issue of costs with a flick of her wrist.

?You have to know that I'd do anything to make her more comfortable.. to know more.? He frowned at Eva, also knowing that look she'd given him. Many people gave it when they learned she wasn't on some treatment plan. ?But she went through months of torment; poking and prodding. She's tired of tests. I'll try to talk her into it but I'd rather her be happy in her last days, ladies.?

?Eva will be gentle with her...and so do we Bradley,? sipping more coffee.

?Wait... wait...? she holds up a hand, staring off for a moment, then lowers her voice, so that it could just be heard between the three of them, looking back at him, her expression gentle. ?Can you get a copy of your wife's medical records??

?Just one day?? Questioningly at Eva, wondering how he could have such luck. Dark eyes observed the woman across the bar from him. His chest felt tight for some reason. ?My wife's medical records? Yes, I suppose. I'll have to send for them, though.?

She nods to Bradley. ?One day. And with your wife's records, you could cut down on a lot of time for your daughter... I'll just... I'll diagnose your wife.? Eva glances at Rena, uncertainty in her expression. ?The sooner the better.?

?How soon can you get them? Or would it be quicker to go get them ourselves??

?Pembley is three weeks north if walking. If we hurried, someone could possibly get there in two weeks and back in the same amount of time.?

?Too bad there's no portal or something to get one there quicker.?

?If there is, I don't know about it. It's up past Yasuo, but you have to go through the mountains. That's what takes so long.?

Eva nods, turning her glass in circles on the bar, brow furrowed. She had no time to devote to this. She was starting a new job, and to take this on now. Eva shook her head, again, distractedly listening to them talk. But it horrified her that she wasn't being treated at all, that they had given up searching for an answer. Eva pushed a hand through her hair momentarily revealing the scar on her face, before it falls hidden again. ?Bradley, did they tell you to keep a journal of her symptoms??

?Yes, that's also back home with the rest of Stephanie's things.?

She doesn't hide her frustration now, simply looking away, then back again. ?What about for your daughter??

While they were debating back and forth, Rena's mind had wandered. She would need to find Erin to see how they got there...the other one she would avoid asking.

Bradley?s frustration was growing more evident by the minute. ?I don't write them in a book, but I know what has happened and when. I found it morbid and disheartening to journal the slow, agonizingly painful death of my only child.?

A glance to Bradley, hand going to his forearm and squeezing softly. ?We don't mean to bring up hurtful memories...we are only trying to help.? Rena then removing her hand.

Her expression softens, and without thinking, she reaches out a hand to touch his gently. ?No matter what, it shouldn't be so painful. That much, I can promise you.? Her hazel eyes try to look at him directly as she makes the promise.

His dark eyes flicker between Rena's touch and Eva's. His hand twitched faintly beneath Eva's. Moment's later, he pulled away from her altogether. Their genuine concern for his daughter and want to help was overwhelming. He'd been shouldering the burden by himself for so long now that it was almost foreign to share it with others. ?I hope you can make her comfortable,? he muttered, gaze darting away.

?I'm going to try to cut the travel time down,? Rena said, nodding.

She interprets his twitch, combined with his withdrawal, as dislike, and withdraws herself, her voice quiet. ?I'll do my best.? She looks at her abandoned iced tea and chocolate on the bar. ?Just... think about it... but whatever you decide.? She looks decidedly uncomfortable, glancing at Rena, and then tears off a piece of the outer chocolate wrapper. She retrieves a pen from her back pocket, and jots down her number and address, then slides the slip of paper towards Bradley. ?Just...don't hesitate, okay??

Fingers outstretched for the paper, nostrils flaring to keep the smirk hidden that threatened to explode from him. It was the most unwarranted and surprising reaction--and taken completely out of context. While he knew that Eva was giving him the information for business purposes, his mind couldn't help but point out that he hadn't received a woman?s number in 15 years. ?Thanks. I'll have a talk with Adalia tomorrow and see what she says.?

Watching Eva and Bradley, Rena drained her mug then wandered to the sink to drop the vessel into the soapy water to soak. She went through the break this time and paused by the pair. ?I think I'm going to head home and research some stuff. I'll see you at 8, Bradley.?

?Goodbye, Rena.? He looked up at her and smiled. ?Thanks. For everything.?

?Have a good night, Rena.?

?You both have good ones also,? hands back into her pockets and she heads out the alley door.

Dark eyes were back on Eva, now, as he toys with his coffee mug.

She glances back at Bradley, almost shyly, expecting him to split any second too, since she'd managed to make him so uncomfortable, or at least that's how it seems to her. ?I um... I... can't make any promises you know... but.. you just... you don't have to be so alone.?

Her kindness was almost too much to bear. Bradley sighed softly and wrapped his hands around the cold coffee mug. ?I'm trying to make myself accept that. After my wife died, I guess I figured I was on my own. I shut a lot of people out.? If he'd had more sleep and it wasn't 2 in the morning, Bradley would never have shared this. ?After a while, people learned to leave me to my own devices. Since moving here, I'm starting to see how much I miss conversation and interaction with other adults. Companionship isn't such a bad thing. I can't... I can't do this by myself anymore because once Adalia is gone, I'll have no one.?

?It's not... you know... wrong to try to deal on your own... when you're going through something like that... I mean... no one ever thinks that anyone else knows what they're going through... and... you know, it's true... because we all go through our own things... but...? she shakes her head and looks up at him. ?In the end we need each other... it took me a long time to learn that. Some sadness is too great to bear alone.?

?I don't pretend to think that no one knows what I'm going through, but more than most cannot say they've had to watch both their soul mate and their only child die painfully.? His fingers contracted, relieving some tension in his grip on the mug. ?But you're right. Some things are just too great to bear alone. That's why I'm glad to have friends like you and Rena who seem to care so much for my family.?

She blushed a little, looking down at the bar. She hadn't really thought of herself as his friend. As usual she was doing what she was comfortable doing. Trying to treat the problem. She was quiet a moment, and then looked up at him. ?I'll do what I can.? It's almost an audible difference in her voice. The doctor voice, instead of the understanding confidant voice from moments before.

Bradley's smile was waning. Fatigue was beginning to set in and his mind was drifting back to the little girl back home. He'd noted the change in Eva's voice... and even noted a slight shift in her demeanor. It was time for him to go. He'd either said something wrong or she was still uncomfortable with him. ?I appreciate that. I should be going, though.?

She nods, and looks around, as if noticing for the first time how the crowd has thinned and changed. ?It is late, isn't it?? She slides from her barstool, pushing a hand through her hair, exposing that scar of hers to the light again, then letting it fall into shadow again. ?I'll walk you out.?

She moved with him, appreciating the cool evening breeze on her shoulders out on the porch. She lead down the stairs, and then paused at the bottom, looking at him. ?Try to get some sleep. You'll need it.? she looked at him another moment, and then turned towards the direction of the Marketplace.

Nov. 5, Evening

He'd never sought Eva out anyplace but the Inn...so how did one go about finding a doctor's home? Bradley probably wasted several hours in attempting to locate the Doc, but because he was actually doing something other than waiting for his daughter to die, he felt it was time well spent. After talking with several people all over town, he was able to get an address out of an old woman who might know where she lived. All he found was a burnt apartment and no help from any of the neighbors.

In a last ditch effort, he thought to check the inn in case the burned down apartment actually had been Eva's; it was only logical that she'd seek shelter elsewhere. Bradley tore into the inn and quite rudely shoved past most everybody on his way to the bar. The register was found and studied before....aha! There it was. Bradley didn't even remember climbing the stairs, nor did he remember finding the room, but his senses returned about the moment he was screaming for Eva to open the door.

The pounding on the door startled Eva, making her stumble back from the room's small desk and stare at the door in horror. This room was supposed to be her safe haven, and she'd sworn to Tucker that she would be alright there. Her stomach lurched in panic for a moment, and then finally she recognized the voice. She crossed the room in two quick steps, unlocking and unbolting the door, and pulling it open. "Bradley?"

The man looked as though he hadn't slept in days. Eva had seen him in similar states before, but this was different. He looked pale, sickly. Sweat covered his brow and his eyes were sunken and dull. It almost appeared as though he'd been doing drugs, but if anyone knew Bradley, they'd know that could never be the case. "Eva," he breathed, his voice scratchy and hoarse. "You have to come. You have to.. come help." He turned, pointing towards the stairs, panic beginning to choke him. Now that he was here, the urge to get Eva back to Adalia was overpowering. "Please, it's different from how my wife went."

"Okay, okay." Her eyes met his, calm and steady. "Go get the medical bag from behind the bar and meet me out front." She stepped back into the room, sitting in the chair to quickly pull on her boots. Her movements were fast and efficient, used to urgency without panic. The room key was grabbed off the side table with a metallic scrape, and she tugged her sweater on as she took the back stairs down, curving around the building to meet him out front.

Nodding quickly, he was dashing down the stairs before she could even get to her chair. It took a bit of doing in his panicked state, but Bradley found the semi-large black bag under the counter and clutched it tightly in one hand as he made his way outside. "You've got to fix her," Bradley stated as he drew up alongside Eva. "It's too early.."

"I'll take a look at her and see what's going on." Eva followed, glancing up at him. Even if they had known for years that the day would come, the parents of terminal children were never prepared for the death, and Bradley was no exception. "I'm going to need you to stay focused so that you can help me help her, okay? Now what's her condition?"

"Hi Adalia. Your dad asked me to come and see if I could help you feel better. You don't have to say anything, just nod your head if you can." She unzipped the medical bag while she spoke, organizing the basic equipment, a stethoscope thread around her neck, her hands curling around the metal disc to warm it.

Adalia had been asleep, but when the commotion of visitors arrived, her bloodshot eyes fluttered open. Looking more than a little dazed and confused, her eyebrows screwed together and her head turned towards Eva. When the woman's face swam into view, she smiled, but only for a moment. The sound of the zipper on the bag caused the small girl to start; a wheezing, labored breath as she struggled to cry out. "Daddy!"

Bradley inwardly cringed. A while back, Bradley made her a promise that they were done with doctors and now he was breaking the only promise he'd ever made to his daughter. Pushing by his brother, Bradley knelt by Adalia's side and took her hand. He brought it to his mouth to brush a light kiss across it. "Shh, sweetie. You'll feel better.

Adalia could barely maintain her grip on Bradley's hand, but she nodded faintly
and turned a terrified expression back to Eva.

Eva kept the gentle smile on her face as she looked down at Adalia, dropping her hands to set on her lap where Adalia could see them. Then she leaned in towards Adalia just a little bit as if she was about to share a secret. "Okay, here's the deal... I know you don't want me to be here, but your dad wants me to check you out and see if I can make you feel better. I can't promise that I'm not gonna hurt you, but I can promise that if I do have to do something that hurts, I'll give you plenty of warning... deal?"

She nodded weakly and licked her lips. "What are...you going to do, Miss Eva?"

The sentence was broken with gasps and wheezing. Bradley, still holding Adalia's hand was hanging his head. "I didn't mean for her to get this bad. It just sort of happened." The guilt flooded him mind, body, and soul.

Surprisingly, Adalia grinned. "Daddy doesn't believe it's time," she rasped.

It wasn't the first time Eva had seen a child more ready for the death than their parent, but it was still unnerving. She smiled, checking the temperature of the metal disc of her stethoscope. "Well, we'll just have to see about that. First I'm gonna listen to your heart, then I'm gonna listen to your lungs." She bent over; threading the stethoscope, then pulled back the sheet and pressed the disc to the little girl's chest.

Adalia held perfectly still, save for the erratic breaths she struggled to pull into her chest. "I'm cold.." she said as the sheet was peeled away from her sticky skin. While Eva listened to her heart, Ada turned to look up at her father. "...and I'm tired."

In medical school, one of her professors had likened treating a child as playing a clown at the saddest birthday party in the world. You had to smile and play your role, as if you were oblivious to the misery and terror of those around you. That's what was called for, so that's what Eva did.

"I don't know what I would have done if you weren't here," Bradley had sunk to his knees, gently laying Adalia back onto her pillows as her breathing returned. "Please," he begged quietly, desperately. "You have to make her comfortable. I didn't have to watch Stephanie go like this. My heart can't handle it, Eva. Please," dark eyes lifted and locked with hers, sheer desperation ringing true in his voice. "You have to fix her."

Eva looked over at Bradley, meeting his eyes. Hers revealed nothing but that professional look, locking away her own emotions so she could do the job. She gave him a nod, and then looked back to Adalia. Color had returned to her face and Eva pulled away the oxygen mask, turning off the flow, preferring to conserve what little there was. "Adalia, you're doing really well, I'm just about done. But... now I'm gonna do something that's gonna hurt. Gonna give you a shot to take your fever down, okay?"

"How long have you know she was a doctor?? Adalia was ignoring Eva now, but from the lilt in her voice, she sounded hurt.

Bradley frowned guiltily and ignored his daughter?s question, then nodded to Eva to administer the shot. "She needs to sleep, Eva." As if in agreement, the little girl nodded weakly and drew in another labored breath.

Eva had to admit to being a little confused by that comment. If he hadn't told Adalia she was a doctor, what in the world did he say about her? She glanced over at him, then turned back to her bag to start preparing a shot of acetaminophen. "This is gonna feel tight." She tied off Adalia's upper arm, then tore open a swab of alcohol and passed it over her arm. Then the sterile needle was torn open, the correct vial already prepared, she with drew an appropriate amount and turned back to Adalia. "A little pinch now, you ready?"

Bradley reached across, leaning close to Eva to hold Adalia's arm. "Go ahead, I'll hold her arm."

Eva nodded, though she suspected Adalia would be just fine without him, and gently inserted the needle. It wasn't that Eva never missed. It was that she wouldn't try until she was ready. So the needle hit its mark easy, and it was over in mere seconds, a cotton swab pressed to the spot as she released the tie.

When Eva was finished, Adalia closed her eyes. "I want Miss Rena," she whined, turning her head away from Eva.

"I'll send for her, baby." Distracted by a need for information Bradley looked up, searching Eva's face for some good news. "What's wrong with her? Could you tell?"

Eva looked down as she finished cleaning up, putting the used needle back in its plastic cover, and then putting everything used in a hazardous waste bag. She looked up at him when she was finished, rising from the bed. "Is there somewhere else we can talk?"

"We can go out in the living room." Bradley, too, rose, and then bent to press a kiss against Adalia's forehead. She mumbled something at him and he nodded. He then led the way out of the room. "Ethan," he'd reinserted the strong front into his voice. "Ada wants you to sit with her."

"What's wrong with her?" A calloused hand washed over his face as he stood from the couch. Dark eyes looked from Bradley to Eva and back. "How long?"

Bradley shook his head. "I need to talk with Eva alone. Go sit with Adalia." It was an order from the room and Ethan didn't argue. After his brother had left the room, Bradley gestured to the couch, inviting Eva to sit beside him. Expression grave, he waited until she was seated to speak. "What's wrong with her?"

"It looks like pneumonia. Without being able to run any tests, I can't say for sure... it could be pulmonary edema, bronchiectasis..." She shakes her head, and looks at him, "but considering her condition, I'd say it's an opportunistic infection... pneumonia.

He listened with as much interest as someone watching grass grow. When she'd finished, Bradley drew in a long, slow breath. "What you're saying is that she'll be miserable at the hospital, but if I keep her here she'll die of suffocation." His adams apple bobbed painfully as he swallowed the urge to break into hysterics. Bradley remained silent for several moments and just when he was about to answer Eva, Maeve arrived. Thankful for the momentary distraction, he smiled faintly.

Tomas had sent her back from the Refuge with a brown bag filled with a random assortment of food from the Compound. Her bru had it in his head that without his cooking Ethan might never eat. Maeve let herself inside, already sliding her muddy boots off and leaving them outside the doorway before they could muck up the place.

"Maeve... he's in with her now. She's asleep, but I think he needs you." Tears pricked his eyes, threatening to spill out onto his cheeks. Bradley envied his brother in many ways and wished his wife were here to stand beside him in all this. "Thanks for coming back..."

Eva looked up as Maeve arrived, unable to make even the faintest of smiles appear on her face, she simply nodded to her and waited until Bradley was ready to return to the topic, sitting stiffly on the couch.

"If I decide to keep her home, will you..." this time a sob did escape him. His entire body was shaking in efforts to keep his emotions under control. Voice shaking, he continued. "Will you stay here? You said.. it wouldn't be long." He paused, exhaling sharply. "I just want her as comfortable as possible. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I caused this and her last days were filled with more suffering than she had to go through."

The cold air clung to her skin and reddened her cheeks. She had started to smile at the both of them but even without being able to pick up emotions in people as she could with animals the Myobian understood things must be worse than usual by looking at them. She only paused long enough to reach for Bradley's elbow with a faint touch. ?It iz as it has always been being, with all things being in their righted time.? They were Zeke's words. The cat eyes held him for a moment before dropping her arm. She nodded once to Eva and went to find Ethan and Adalia.

Eva looked away and considered a moment. With everything that was happening, she wasn't sure it was wise to stay, especially in the Marketplace. But she couldn't say no. She'd send word to work if need be. She turned back to Bradley and nodded. "I'll make her as comfortable as I can."

No matter how he was feeling, Maeve always managed to say something that made Bradley calm down. That coupled with Eva agreeing to stay on let him breathe easy for the first time in days, even in light of what was to come. "Thank-you," he said breathily. "Money won't be an issue. I'll pay for your time and resources.. just make her last days easier."

Eva nodded, then finally reached out and gently touched his shoulder. "Don't worry about it." She stood then. "I need to make some calls. Going to get some more supplies." She tilted her head towards the door, intending to make her calls just outside, to spare him the medical jargon, and to give him a moment alone if he needed.

"That's fine. I'll keep the door unlocked so you can let yourself in when you get back." He stood, setting his jaw forward, the muscle clenched tight. He gestured to the door, then moved to open it for her. His only need now was to be alone. "Let me know if you need anything in advance; anything."

Eva nodded, pausing in the doorway to look up at him, as if she might say something, then all she says is, "I will." Then she stepped outside and headed down the stairs. She took deep breaths of the night air, looking up at the sky. Once her wits were re-gathered, she pulled out her cell phone to call some contacts. She was going to have to call in some favors.

He watched her go until she reached the bottom of the stairs, then closed the door quietly. Now alone in the living room, Bradley's emotional defenses finally failed. Tears poured down his face as his body was wracked with silent sobs. Covering his face with his hands, he leaned on the closed door and slid to the floor. Bradley slammed a fist into the carpet, then again. Lost in the moment, Bradley let himself go.

...and the Lord Taketh Away

There?s nothing in the world that can prepare a parent for the death of their child. Even still, I thought I had everything under control. Each day Eva was here I couldn?t help but wish that some miracle would take place. Doctors fix people all the time, Adalia could be fixed, too, right? Why I let myself have false hope, I don?t know. I know now that it only made the end worse when it came. Each smile, each labored laugh? each tiny breath my daughter took gave life to that hope. After denial set in, it became easier to ignore the way she struggled to get air as the days went by.

Denial.

Denial became my best friend those last five days. In hindsight, I wish I had let myself grieve. I ended up setting myself up for devastation?devastation that I can?t even begin to explain. She was so frail. So small. So delicate. Just like the flowers she was named after, the Dahlia and the Rose, my little Adalia Rose was wilting before my eyes and there was nothing I could do about it. Why did I pretend everything would be ok? Why not accept the pain and learn to work through it? Why set myself up to hurt even more on the afternoon I noticed she no longer struggled to breathe?

It?s been nearly a month, but I remember it like it was yesterday; the pain is still so near. I sometimes wonder if I?ll ever be able to breathe, myself, again. Sure, a day will come when the first thing to enter my mind when I waken won?t be Adalia, but like with Stephanie, I know that a day will never go by when my precious baby isn?t far from my mind. Some would say it isn?t fair?that the sorrow, more often than not, outweighs the good. The only goodness I?ve been granted in this life is gone. I?ll never be able to forget what could have been. The bitterness of it all poisons my heart.

That afternoon, five days after Eva agreed to stay, is burned into my memory. Everything.. I remember everything as it was. I close my eyes and I can picture the light filtering in from the window, washing the room in a hazy glow. Dust floated lazily through the air and everything was quiet. Adalia?s breathing was so shallow I could barely hear it, the cats were both curled up at the foot of the bed sleeping soundlessly. Ethan, Maeve, and Eva were all elsewhere. I remember sitting next to the bed, holding Adalia?s hand in my own and leaning down to lay my head on the edge of the bed. When sleep took me, I was thankful it was dreamless. How long I slept is unknown, but I remember jerking away as a pitiful mew broke the silence. I looked at the cats; both were still asleep. My head turned to find Adalia peering up at me, her lips moving wordlessly. I leaned close, her lips brushing my ear.

?Water,? she said.

I could barely make it out. I kissed her and left the room. The hallway seemed longer than normal, like my vision was tunneled and everything was spinning. Something wasn?t right as I entered the kitchen and reached for a glass. Through the half wall, I could see Ethan and Maeve together on the couch. It looked as though my brother and his girlfriend were both asleep. Eva was in a corner with her head in her hands. She could have been asleep, too, because she hadn?t looked up when I entered the room. Idly, my thoughts drifted back to Adalia and that was when the cup slipped from my hands. The ceramic mug shattered as it landed in the bottom of the sink; my heart leapt in my chest painfully.

I couldn?t tell you how I knew. I simply did. Leaving the kitchen in a panic, I tore through the living room, down the hallway and to Adalia?s bedroom door where I stood with my breath held dramatically. The room was just as I?d left it. The cats were asleep, the light filtering in from the window still cast its hazy glaze over the room and Adalia lay asleep on her bed. No? not asleep. I blinked, staring hard at her chest. It didn?t move. ?Breathe,? I thought. Silently, I willed my daughter?s chest to rise. ?Move? take a breath.? My words were but a whisper, but after standing there for what felt like eternity without sign of life, reality set in.

I felt someone crowd around me, a hand brush against my back. ?No,? I said, voice shaking. Tears had already begun to pour down my face as I began to scream in agony. It felt as though my heart was literally being ripped out of my chest. My baby? I was supposed to protect her. I grabbed my hair and pulled in frustration, turning aside so Eva could step into the room. I couldn?t watch, but I heard her pull the stethoscope from off of the nightstand. I held my breath again until, ?I?m sorry. She?s gone,? was heard.

As I rushed to the bedside, Ethan and Maeve came into the room. After that, I wasn?t aware of anything but my pain. As I knelt on the floor with my body draped over Adalia?s, I remember thinking to myself that she was still warm. My mind took over, thinking things it shouldn?t. She wasn?t dead? I could feel life. I could feel warmth. ?No,? I shouted angrily to no one in particular. There was a scuffle of feet as I pulled Adalia from the bed and wrapped the sheet around her body. Frantically, I searched for a heavier blanket because it was cold where I was taking her.

My brother said he tried to stop me, but I don?t remember anyone getting in my way as I took my daughter from the room.