Journal Entry: Hisime, lempeer


a graveyard walk. no peace, no magic in the world


No magic in the world


Though it was years ago that I lost my father and mother, and years too that I lostAdaron my heart feels for Icer and Ty. The pain there is something I know of well, they hide it but I can see it, all I can offer is my company and my ear to listen if they wish someone to talk to. I now know the full sotry, or at least parts of it.

a great battle.

lives lost.


sounds very familar to me.

though i was young when my mother died, I remember the day still, and when my father was taken in battle, I rememeber that day even more so. The bloody armor that Jacob Evermore brought to us, his blade, the one Jinnalt had longed for so, protected by Salice , Shavyn and I...


the day Adaron left...and never returned....

my love, my sons father...


Now as I sit just beyond town I miss my son, and sisters so.

all my paryers are with Ty and Icer. Now as I walk through the garveyard again....hawk upon my shoulder, seems saddened as well.


that dark green claok of mine settles in the wind, as I think of Dae, my kingdoms symbol, that silver dragon.....


I had never known any other liek him, and now I have come to meet others, different from him in many ways, but I sense that some how Dae knows of this great battle... I have heard of it for weeks now dragons verse humans, evil humans, or beings... and I know now that no magic I behold, no magic int he world could heal Icer Ty, or their pain.... and no amgic in the world could heal.... my homesickness...


I offer my ear to to the wind as I enter the graveyard, softly walking, roses in my ahnd, a rose for every grave, unknown people.... passed on, someones loved ones... so I pay tribute, to them. and give my belssing that they find a higer place.... to rest in peace.

entry : hisime , lumpeer


The ride through unknown lands



Tomorrow I leave Rhydin, this time I shall not turn back, I have one day to make amends, one day to put things right again... yet i ahve not gotten the chance. perahps tis better that I am leaving rhydin.


Back to my home, back to Crendia, perhaps in all time things shall work out between me and my beloved paladin, perhaps he wrote that note in haste...

I can only hope that all will be well when I return.... perhaps the winds will will be back to rhydin when they can....


perhaps my duites here are not done, after fixing the bar last eve, my mind wonders now how i calle dupon that force so well, the force of earth elemental... the winds are at my beck and call yet I claled to the earth to heal that bar wound, perhaps after all this time after all the time i had speant with shavyn watching ehr work her earth elementals, perhaps soemthing rubbed off oor perhaps tis the will of a love lost for the powes did not feel elvish, as much as they nornmally do they felt different, perhaps adaron is with me in more ways than i once believed...


tomorrow I ride for the pass, and away for rhydin...


i do hope that i shall retrun...

for now i remain, ever faithful to my duites left here...


and perhaps before the day is done i shall put things right with Connar, for what knight would i be to lie to him, and to not tell him the truth.... my honor may fade, but i can not be a liar.

Journal Ringare-yeste'


My mind wondered as my fingers traced over the seal of the paladin, a letter from blahl..... I thought back to the eves before, Connar....I had not wished for him to be mad with me, I should have gone home weeks ago, perhaps I shoudlnt not have come back, then perhaps Rae would nto be hear wishing to hurt any whom might help her hurt me, i know connar can defend himself tis not a question of that..... its just that....


I have come to care for him, the foolish ehart of mine, back to feeling something..... for him, weve shared fine talks and some flirtations but... my wisdom leads me to think that he ...he could not ever .... we are cut to closely from the same cloth..... he hims elf said that to shay, she said he had told ehr something else, that if things were different that things between he and I would be different.... but i do not think that is so, perhaps i have been too bolding serching for soemething I can not find, that spark long gone.....


Adaron.....



more tears than ink seems to fill these pages as of late......



why do i live? what is my purpose here...? perhaps I shall never know.....



I go on i fight, i do what I can, tonight that was very little, i wanted to help but i was held back, by fear from the past, that past that darknes si s dead, but this new darkness that man from tonight, i just wish.... i could disappear sometimes..... if i were different i would not be me....


" I love you, just the way you are, your my elven goddess." Adarons words..... i wish that someone could like me like that again.....


perhaps i just wish for too much.....


::as shea signs her name she falls slowly to sleep.::

~Shea



thinking as I walked in the rain tonight of last nights events, a smile crept over my face, one of those goofy sort of smiles that I always got when I was first around lord blahl...one of those smiles that I rarely have, I try not to think to much of what shall be, I have had my dreams, they may fortell a bit, but nothing is written in stone.

Now, as I near the inn, I wonder what events shall happen this eve. tis raining not many usally come, and there is a pulse of magic int he air the nexus must be running wild tonight....


I hope to sit relax with a glass of wine, think a bit over things, things of the long lost past, things from not so long ago and things from just last eve.....


i have lived with danger in my life since I cant remember


there has not beena moment in time that i can remember my life with out danger looming over head, even now, here in rhydin things seem tense, danger lurks over the city as if it were a cloud....


perhaps I shall get some good new tonight, perhaps I can not think so much about things and relax in the comapny of my many friends, I am sure someone shall be there tonight



till more things arise to wrtie about


I remian.. every ready



~Shea

ournal Entry Ringare-yeste :undome ( December first, evening.)

Conversations with A True Goddess

I remember back in Crendia, when I had first spoke to the Goddess known as Willow. She had told me my place was beside Blahl, to give him time, I have given him time, time enough, to at least say that we are something more than friends. Yet in his note he wrote no words of love, only fain concern for my well being. Tis not much different with Connar. I know there is something there, but what? Willow had told me while I was being healed, that things were different now, she sensed something more powerful, ? you are Sul Val?istar, one of the few left in this world of both our realms. I long thought your place to be as a paladin your self under my order. But I now see something else, though he loves you. He will not ever have the courage to say it, or show it as you wish him to. You long for passion, more so than just another friend, there is a spark deep in your heart for Blahl?. But there is a fire in your heart for another man?. A man of Rhydin.? She paced as she spoke, shaking her head, ? the stars are unsure of your place now, yet you are still a valued warrior here in Crendia, I shall recommend that you go back to Rhydin. Speak with Shavyn, she will tell you what she knows, but as sisters often do she is leaving something?s out. So that the man him self may fill in the blanks. Go to Rhydin, and continue to heal, for until this is healed ,?:: she pressed her hand my chest over my heart.:: ?Until the wounds of your past are healed, your other wounds shall not heal fully, keep on your guard?though the dark forces may follow you to Rhydin.?


Now as I write starring out that open window I wonder? Am I bold enough to say anything? To make any sort of move? Or is he right are we too closely cut from the same cloth? I may never know, perhaps it is better that he didn?t know, perhaps after this I shall get some much needed sleep. For I have been weary, my reflexes slower, my magic feels drained. I remain ever hopeful?That some how some way my dreams, my deepest desires will come true. Is It so wrong for me to want to be loved again. I know I am deeply loved by my family and friends. But tis not the same, I look over Rhydin over all the couples, two and two. Hugging, Kissing, sharing moments together. Perhaps only in my dreams, perhaps it is only there where my love shall appear, is that my destiny to live out my long years fighting, and to never know that feeling again?




Ten'oio Tenna' san'. Forever until then. ::A tear fell and stained the page::


~Shea

::with that she puts her quill and ink aside, laying that black bound book at her side still open, and drifts off to sleep, now able to fully fall asleep after writing down her thoughts and feelings.:

ournal Entry Ringare-Edwen Andune


Thinking back to my days as a child, days I can barely remember any more. There were a few days I remember from my early youth, I remember the day my mother was taken by Keir. I remember the day my father came back with her body in his arms. I remember Iron-winds the day after we put my mother to rest. I remember the day my father died, the day when Jacob Evermore bought his armor and sword in to the throne room, and presented it to Ember and Salice, Shay and I were there in the back ground, even to this day Salice does not know that. I remember the first time we three sisters stood up against Jinnalt as a team. I was not that young then, I remember Adaron, how could I ever forget.


My mother taught me much of magic and love. She used to sing me to sleep with a old lullaby. That I can not recall the words to but every so often I find my self humming the tune. I remember when Aiden was born I sang him that same song, it just came to me as if upon the winds, whispered from my mothers own mouth. Adamina taught me grace, responsibility and love. As well as much more. Oh the things we forget as the years pass us by.

My father taught me strength and a warriors cunning. how to use a blade and bow. And he showed me love. He protected us, all three of his daughters with a love and compassions seen little else where.


For a long time after they both died, Ember took care of us: Salice and I as if we were her own, She taught me, of magic?s I had never hard before. I gained knowledge under her guiding eyes.


Also for a long time after my mothers death Salice took over not only as older sister but as someone to look up t o and learn from, Shay and I owe much of what we know of magic and blade work to Salice. Salice also spoke highly of love and peace, and their place in our word.


But Rhydin is very different from GreenStone, or even Crendia. I came here seeking adventure, to be more than just a knight, to be see as more than a friend or ally. I have longed for a long time for someone special to see me as Adaron had the eve we met at the Inn in GoldFeather. But I know now I can not expect that. I was young then, a rare beauty, and though I have aged some, I am not old by any means in the elven world. But in Rhydin for a man to learn I have lived over 100 years , is a bit much for most to hear. I look only as if I am in my mid twenties :;eyes gaze across the room to the mirror hanging.:: At least I look about that age, in human standards.

I have met many fine people here in Rhydin made many new friends, some whom Im very found of, and seeing as how the newest version of their news came out with that interview as they call it, with miss Jewell Ravenlock : whom I consider a good friend as well . But my talk with her has been put on paper, and is now out in the public eye, I should hope to make more friends.


I still hold some hope for romance, in Rhydin it is not uncommon: there are many fine men here, but there are many lovely women here?. I have seen the couples two and two walking down the streets or sitting cuddling at the inn. Wishing I could be one of those lucky women to land some handsome charming man?..My hopes have died quickly when considering my paladin. Perhaps it was just a dinner, and nothing more. For nothing more has come of it, but my fain fantasy like dreams.

As for Connar?I leave those thing up to fate be it as slow or cruel as it is. I can hope for more, but shall not be expecting it. Though I am very fond of his company, and the feeling he gives me? His touch, his kiss. :: while she writes this passage in particular Shea is smiling from ear to ear.::


Perhaps in time, I am not going any where, the pass to home has sealed up with snow. I can not ride to GreenStone or any where in my homeland, so unless the winds take me I will not be going back home or to Crendia till the first thaw. Which gives me time to figure out some things, and read up on these things Salice sent. I will start that book again soon, it intrigues me deeply . The binding is blue and soft like silk, the pages old parchment, upon the blue silk outer cover silver writing in elven, Sul Val?istar. Wind mage. Salice had said in her letter that she found it in fathers old study, along with the maps she sent. I am eager to find out what lies within the pages of that book. But for now more rest, I have not had nearly enough with the tension in Rhydin as of late.

~ Shea

::with that she folds her journal book closed and tucks it away in that side bag, that lays upon the bed spread, she lays back down, looking upwards? thinking very deeply.::

:;While Connar slept she wrote, all the things that had passed, their trip together. Every word she had ever wished to remember.::

this day has come all too soon. We leave today, heading back to Rhydin. Through we make a few stops on the way. HarpSing, FairWinds. Perhaps SilverWaters.. But we both do not return to Rhydin, from the pass on I will be alone, well V and I will be alone. Connar goes for the coast. Back towards where ever he must pass to head to his realm. I am already dressed and ready, but I am in no hurry to leave. Tis my nerves, they are shot. Though I slept well, there in his arms. I can not stop my mind from thinking the thoughts it would. This medallion ::her left hand would touch it:: I keep these things with me, his blade with the magic of the coin, my magic, and this a symbol of his home, I am his home now.


I am not good with goodbyes, I never say goodbye, I wills ay fair well, but not goodbye. I am more likely to say tis not goodbye tis see you soon, as I often have to my sisters and son. I can never say goodbye, to say it would make me feel like I would never see anyone I cared for again, never be able to say hello. I'll be back... I have heard those words before, I have been promised that before, I have waited before, and given up hope before. But not this time, yes I will wait as long as it takes, but I shall nto give up this time I will not let this curse that I have felt upon my love life take hold, there is no danger now from inside, no Jin or Alaric to take my love from me. Yes we may face battles, but I know Love will find a way this time it will. It has too.


I have never loved like this before have felt passion, and desire and love before yes. But not ever like this. I feel honored, respected in a way I have never felt. I have gained respect as a warrior a leader of the people, defender.

As a mage. Held high in accord with all others. As a mother held high in respect and love, as a sister, aunt and niece. But this love, is different from my last. The love I shared with Adaron, was passion filled, and yes he loved me, it was a strange beginning then. Then I was young, and feel in love quickly, and lost him to rage and death, but gained a son.

This new love with Connar, is also passion filled, but in a different way. I have not felt so happy in many years. I have not felt so content. So honored, loved cherished. I wish I could go with him, I would. If it was possible. I will return to Rhydin, and wait. As long as it takes, days, months, years. Love know no limits, I will not let this one be lost. I can not. I need him more than I can ever say. I love him more than he shall ever know. My mind is filled with many thoughts some I can not even place in to words here. For now, I will let my thoughts drift away, and enjoy the day ahead.


::the words she would write before slipping out to that balcony to stand in the morning wind, it was there last day, they were leaving, she was ready, but in no hurry. The longer they took, the better.::

:;Shea stood out side the inn, cloak blowing in the wind, that hood pulled high over her features, she felt like a stranger, she'd been gone for days. She stood there looking at the door, then away. It just didnt seem the same::

She elected not to go in, just to stand there across the way for a while longer, not as if she could possibly know who was in or not. She had promised to give a few people Connars best, but now was ntot he time for her to think of that::

::she walked her way on tot he porch and sat elaning back to listen to the room inside, leaving that cloaks hood up, no one would even know she was back, if they even knew she had been gone that was::
She spawled out ont hat ebnch there, letting the wind grace through the strands of dark blue ahir that hung out of her hood. Rhydin had never felt so foreign to her as it did right now: you lave for a while and every forgets your alive,thats how it always had been though. She sat abck listening to the room hum with conversation, but she wasnt going in, not yet::

To the bar with asteady stride, to find a stool, she sat placing her elbows ont he bar top,another night in Rhydin.. why did she come back again.. she wondered as she looked over her drink choices::

::fingers tapped on the bar top. As she drew her welbows of to place ehr hands there. Thinking, to drink or not to drink. It just seemed different,she didnt care if she got a welcome back, she wasnt expecting that, but with every turn she'd look to the door, wishing Connar would coem in knowing he woudlnt, she tried to fix her eyes on the bar top::

::shea smiled, listening to the room. Busy as always, things never changed. She giggled under her breath,brushing strands of dark blue hair behind her ears::

Yawn, it just passed through her lips. she smiled dimly. Tired maybe, bored a little bit, she msised the antics of the inn though, but she'd had her fair share at home..::

and the results were in, drink it would be:: Sid..? ::jade heus moving to the tender::

::elven wine, and talks with Tara, who always forgets I know her, and she knows me, calls me fred? Beacuse she can not say my name, I am on her good list I suppose...who the devil knows::

I have not known many vamprys in my time, Raevyn, whos not really a Vampry, sort of something inbetween. Aurina and Kadri... also some where ebtween vampry and undead thing


:sitting that wine glass down, shea smiled listening to the room,
ahh it was good to be back in Rhydin::


I missed him already it was driving me mad at every turn I was half way tot he door and out and back to V and out to find hi, but I remained, I couldnt go, I wouldnt find him. My heart was with him, and he was with me.

:a longer drink of wine taken, ahh that sould help for now. She sat
the half empty glass down.And looked to the room:;


I have never been one to drink in excess... I dont hold strong drinks well, I tend to keep to Elven wine, beasue it is not all that strong.

;madness, pure madness. Shea slid a few coins on to the bar and
rose to ehr feet finishing off her wine with one long swig::

enough was enough, I had left madness to come to more madness, time for a walk. yes at night, yes alone, I am far too well armed to get hurt



:;a smile back to sid:; this palce has become a mad house in the
ays Ive been away...

to hell with madness, I needed air... air I tell you

:;shea smirked softly as she pulled her dark green cloaks hood over
her head:: I think I'll take my chances out there ::pointing to the door::


Why Have I come back again?

I could ahve staied in GreenStone... I could ahve done a thousand things, but I came back here... yes soemthing called me back here was it madness...?

:;to the door in long strides and out with a wave back goodbye to
the room::

::the wind were her company as she penned words on to a blank journal page::


Journal entry : Narvinye, Kinta, Du ( Jan,4th,night)


I thought I was dead, that it was finally over. That the fighting was done. I was saved, and brought back. I wonder if that is how he feels? he risked so much, and he still came back, in one piece. They are just things, yes I know that. Swords can be remade, cloaks and clothes bought?.

He said he needs not of them, that he ahs all that he needs here. I missed him terribly, even though I felt he was with me the whole time, and vise versa. I have never needed anyone like I need him, I love him, yes that is well known by now, but I need him? his company his presence. It was lonely here with out him. But I wonder : did I help him by healing him, or was it selfish, was I helping my self? should have I helped him so, yes to grieve me would he die? I do not know if I could bear it, but I would have to. I have not the chances to be at peace, not while that vision lurks in my head. My son dead?. I can not allow it to come to pass, I would stand between him and the blade that would kill him. I would have risked everyting for Connar as well: I do not regret helping him, healing him? I love him?I need him more than I dare tell any one?

I need a vacation.. Away from all this death and darkness? I know I shall not have that for some time? I am and always will be a knight, until my death. Just as I will always be the Sul Val?istar, perhaps even beyond death.

I have not loved so deeply in so long, I am cautious? I have been hurt before? greatly by betrayal ? Blahl.. And his terrible deeds. Adaron? my first love, he died to keep me safe? darkness took them both, I have begin to think I am cursed?. I almost lost Connar? perhaps I did?in some way?. I have opened my heart again?. But in the winds I feel as if something looms over my head?. I want to make him happy? but perhaps?. My duty as a knight will in the end be my down fall with him?


I have not felt so loved in ages?. And I fear ruining it?


~Shea

::she slowly signs her name feeling the wind spick up a round her she closes her journal lifts her self up and goes inside back in to her room. Sitting down on the edge of that bed, not bothering to change, she simply slips off her boots and belt with sheathed weapons, and slips her cloak over the bed spread, and slips in to the covers? closing her eyes, holding the lone pillow close? knowing she is weary? her eyes soon fall closed?::

Journal Entry: I have lost all track of time now, I know not what day it is, only the hour its late here in Crendia

We are soon to make camp so I am quick to write this.. I know not what tomorrow brings but I fear it much. So here I write my final words, if I shall die tomorrow or the next day.

In all the realms I have known, in all the time I have lived I have killed and seen death. It has come with what I do.

Killing and war, and battles. The way the life I choose long ago has led me.

You can kill your enemy, you can watch men die, but it really starts to sink in when you have this feeling that I have? I may die here. Tomorrow, or the next day. I may never see the sun rise over the Valley of Dae, nor kiss Connar or feel his arms about me again . I may never see my son grow up to have his own children, nor see my niece or nephews born . I may never turn a day older.. Nor ever be married to the man that I have come to love so dearly.

If I die today, tomorrow or the next day here in Crendia, my heart goes to be with Connar, every inch of me is already there with him, in Rhydin or his world what ever the case may be..

I did not say goodbye to many of my friends in Rhydin.. Only one knows that I am gone.. I do hope that everyone stays safe , and lives long?

My love..

Connar..

I know not if I shall see him again? but if I survive this.. I will no longer not tell him how I feel. If he and I both live still in the days to come.. If I return to Rhydin..

I will savor in our love. I will say everything I have held back from saying..

I vow that.

I love him with every breath, and if I die, I shall love him still even in death.

~Shea

:;She signs her name and tucks the journal away and slips the quill and ink away and sits there with her allies, son and sister by the small camp fire::

:; After bidding Connar goodnight with a more lasting kiss to his lips, Shea retired in to that small room. Laying some of her things down, she'd left her armor with Shay, told her to take it home. Shay ahd agreed. Shea had vowed to Kulbin and Shay to be backfor their wedding in April.::

::Shea smiled as she dug out that black bound journal
and began::

Journal Entry:: Back In Rhydin

The day is new The hour is dark.

Janurary is the month, the day is lost on me, the hour is night

I am back in rhydin, i cam here to find, more people have died.
Murder seems to run around here as water to the earth

Someone I knew, well I didnt know him, but I knew of him

he is dead, and I know the one who loves him, loved him

I hate using the past tense when death is concered even in death love is love

Love transends death

My heart goes out to my friend.. though we are not close

To lose the man you love, to death is something I have faced before

Adaron.... my beloved for all time, he is always in my heart

I also lost the man I loved, the paladin, to darkness

And soon enough Connar and I will be parted, he going back to do what he must, my love goes with him, for he is the man I wish to be with, even if we are parted, by time, death, or what may come, my love is his..

and I staying here, to do what I must, tomorrow morn I head somethere.. down a path I never thought to take.

But that is on the morrow, after my market place visit.

Till then sleep calls

~Shea

::Morning light drifts through the window of Shea room window, the night had been long and restless, but she ahd finally fallen asleep, after taking oyut that shirt that she had kept hidden, it was the only way she got sleep. To hold it close and take in what it meant to her, its wasnt justa shirt it was his shirt. She fell asleep with it held close in her arms. When the morning vame she was not up and gone with it, she would stay there in that room and write in her journal..::

Journal Entry: Feb,11th.

I have found some since of time,after losing grip with it. I ahd forgotten al about the time, the days hours, moments inbetween. What can I say, its over, is it ever over? Raevyn is dead, Blahl is dead, the darkness from Crendia is gone, the portals are closed, that missin those battles all behind me now. I regret fighting with him, feeling so weak and fearful. I let him go...I should not be jealous of something I never had... I thought he was gone for sure, those I sensed him still, for days now... waiting.. forever...

The weight lifted the moment I killed Raevyn, but the mission was not done till I checked to make sure every inch of darkness was gone.
I have allied my self with the Scathachian, those women there in their warded building, offered my aid to them, in these times in rhydin with all the blood and danger the city its people need all the help they can get, the battles ahead may be bloody, but I ahve faced bloody battles before, I do not fear them not at all.Everything I have done has led me here...
Connar..is here still in Rhydin I saw him this last night, at the inn, Mercy was there as well, though I should not be... jealous I am..she is allowed to kiss him.. to even flirt with him, and I the one who loves him so deeply can not even be close to him, I gave him up, I let him go...

I didnt go looking for him, but he found something I had left him, long ago now it seems there in that hidding spot where the portal to his world once stood I left that lock, thsoe locks of dark hair and that note... the words as true today as they were that day, I could wait forever, to see what this love might become, to see if I am strong enough to over come this sense of loss.


But I can not lie not to him not to my self, I had to will with every bone not to embrace him, not to kiss him.. No to let my self.. be in his arms, as I long to be. I sat on the roof tops, I have been keeping my self awke, and shutting out my feelings... I was far to cold with him last eve, but what else am I to do. Mercy is allowed to kiss him, and I am not...
Somethimes you just have to let the one you love go.. even if it means they will love someone else... thsoe are not my words, but perhaps Zorin is right...perhaps when my missions here in Rhydin are done I will go home,home and not turn back.. though it would be hard to elave Rhydin and never return, I have so many friends here, so many people I have yet to know...

I made an oath to them, but I stay for for than that

I met some new people sicne all the hell , Owen.. a man from the stars beyond, with things,machines I do not understand..I have seen much in rhydin, guns,pistols..blasters.. odd machines...great magics.. but I think I am glad to know these different people..like Owen... I may not udnerstand where he comes from or these things he has.. but it is nice to have another friend here, I can use as many as possible

I also met another man, another of the Ravenlock clan: Alex Ravenlock.. that makes for :: thinking as she counted:: six or more..from that clan, either amrried in to it, or what not... he seems different from Jewell or Brain...I am not sure how, though they are all unique, the difference lies some where else... I havent put my finger on it yet, but I owe hima competion , a contest I am always one to own up to my word

I write of these things to keep my mind off of the one thing I still dont understand... what have I become? I know now that i am more than just a wind mage.. more than just a Sul Val'istar, but not an Onna Istar... but what happened when I killed Reavyn, that light.... my mothers touch upon my cheek, was this what Cala spoke of? What Adaron spoke of, are my tests finished? Or just beinning? I feel different, as if I had been touched by the light of the gods, of the seldarine.. is that whats happened to me? have I ebcome like Ember and Anarya? Touched by the light of the gods to be something more , more than just elvish bound with magics? A goddess? In that light did I, die. as Willow did when she was killed with that great blade. and become something more, or like Ember and Ayana was I just changed, all I know is that in those moments my ahir became longer again, I could feel the grace of the gods go in to me,a light fill my eyes as I have only seen in heaven...
Magic.. is the one thing that he hates..though he understands it so much... with out him I wouldnt have gotten this far, hes my strength..my anchor... he keeps me sane..


I have always been able to count on him, as odd as that sounds.


I have always been able to count on the winds as a life long compaion...they lift me when i am down, the magic is in my blood, and Raevyn never took it from me, she just weakened me, I was not ready.. but the moment I felt the real wind the wind pushed by nature as it touched my cheeks as I rode to help my family... I felt it again as I always had. Then in that moment I knew it was time for me to stop fearing what I could not control and go and fight , as I had in Crendia, to keep my son, my sister, my family save, they matter more to me than my life.. its the same with Rhydin.. the people are good epopel, and they need a city that they feel safe in...I shall give that too them, I will do what ever it takes and protect them even until death and beyond. I shall live a long life, I ahve all ready, life led by my heart and my skills, i live so that i may seen my neices or nephews, my grand children, to see my sisters happy, my son become the rgeat man i know he shall become.. to see my kin, all those I consiter family be happy, and GreenStone, my home lands to ahve peace before the end..

and Rhydin to ahve peace, it may never have true peace for it is not easy to find but its worth fighting for...
as is love... I still believe that.. I always will... today I shall not hold back, not when it comes to him, or anyone I love...my will is strong but love is stronger...

I shall not forget it,or put it aside ot let it pass like a fall leaf in the winds... I shall catch it and keep it, even if it is only for a while....it is worth it, he is worth it.. rhydin is worth it...

~Shea


::A penned name and a smile rose to her features as she closed her journal and placed it in her bag, she wa sin no rush this early am she would remain there sitting cross legged on the bed spread eyes closed, focused as ever before::

::Shea sighed and looked back to the house not knwoing if she wanted to rise and leave or stay there.Stay she did till the hours faded again to dusk...Jade hues looked out across the land,as she pulled her cloaks hood over her head and began to write by moon light in her journal::

Everyone has a destiny,or so they say. everyone is here for some reason in this realm in Rhydin.My purpose was to bring peace to my people,to fight for GreenStone for the Elven Realms...for my sons future my sisters my kin and country. I assume thats what its like for Connar,he wishs he could stay but knows he must go,our paths are not the same...though I wish they were.I stay here in Rhydin for my missions yes,to complete them and help Rhydin achieve some sort of peace.If that is possible at all ::shea spoke out loud as the thought were written,there was no one around...peaceful for her mind::

I stay for more than that,I stay not only for my missions my allies or friends or even eneimes...I stay beacuse if he does come back he will come here,even If I return home for Shay's wedding I know that I may stay a while there,celebarte even if I can not have him with me there beside me...I saw Adaron again ...:;she breathed his name as she wrote it::

I thought he was done with his visits to me...but I should know better,his love transcends his death,his love for me, and Aiden. I have felt alone very alone lately so many people counting on me,I want to help them all. But I do not know what I shall come up against next....I some how feel that fire again...Alaric....Jinnalt...the deamon....all of them.. I feel Kegan Alder the one good fire mage I have ever known...I feel the fire in me,unbidden and unwanted by the deepest part of my soul but its there...all of the elements,resting in my hands..wind,water,earth and fire....dangerous are they all...fire I fear the most. I know its dangers its chaotic nature its ablity to destroy. I also know my power the power Alaric thristed for to burn my realm to ash and dust...the Sul Val'istar....who I am... ::jade hues started to ebcome rimmed in silver as the moon rose higher::

Adaron said I was not alone to believe in my self and my allies or friends...I do trust in them, i trust in my skills and ablities...but not so much any more in my self... Adaron called me Seldarine en Suile....goddess of winds...am I? is that what happened to me did I some how transcend death like Cala,Ember and Anarya to ebcome worthy of the powrers of the gods of my realm? I have no one to talk to,save for V,the winds and many dead loved ones... I know Adaron is with me....listening to me even now ::those now silver hued eyes looked up:: But I wish I had one person to talk to...anyone...I wish I could tell Connar all these things, but he hates magic he hates it all...in sme part he hates what i am and who I am though he loves me....

::a deep breath passed through her lips and was lifted to the cold night air,behind ehr V nudged,trying to move Shea to her feet, but she would finish this entry first::

I will do..what i must....we all do what we can,destiny be damned,it is not written ins tone there for I can change it, I vowed to see my son become a great man... and I will even if I can not be amonug the living to do so.... will anyone ever come to understand me....

~Shea....

::a peened name and she slid her journal awaya nd mounted up on V:: lets go home... ::wishing she could go to ehr real home but speaking of that inn.. where she would leave off V and head on foot to the Red Dragon...a drink in mind::

Journal Entry: Nenime ( Feburary), Time: hour till Dawn Date: the 28th..




there are times in your life, where you loose your way where all thestars and lights have gone out and you must find your own light, to survive and keep going.

::Shea's oaths bound her to Rhhydin till her tasks at hand were done, she would stay till srping then go home for the spring fest but she would return again. Rhydin was not her home but it was well worth fighting for.Now in those predawn hours she sat crossed legged leaning back upon that tree. Thinking focusing. Training at hand, she had a hour at best before dawn the light of the sun was all ready casting it soft glow upon the sky, shea walked inisde to get ehr ink,quill and took them with her journal outside, if nothing else she could always write whats he was feeling in there, even if not a living soul knew.::

Slowly there she sat and began to write

My thoughts are all over the map right now, some half way to the moon by now, I sit here alone near dawn at that inn. I stay for oaths and duties I stay beacuse he may come back any day at any time. But I have begun to think he is right...he was right. We love each other, that is for sure, but we can not be with one another even if he returned now, I would greet him with a kiss but we can never be as we were so close yet ...so far away. I thought the curse had been lifted my curse..but it turns out its reached to a new level. Hes alive and well... I know that..and he loves me.. but those dreams those desires we may have wanted they will never be...I hate to sound so negitive...I am not so pety as to think that you must have the physical to be in love.. and to enjoy in it. I do enjoy in it... But we both hold back now, in love half the time, aand close friends the others...

it comes down to this I can not be in his world and be in mine and he can not be here and in his world... Some part of him hates magic the dark and the light.... I am magic... it flows through me like my blood in my blood...he was right for the begininng...

I am a wind mage more than that now...

My love for him will never fade but... perhaps it was all just some grand dream...that I am finally waking from I think he knew that when he left that he may just decied to stay away, for the good of us both....

I would wait forever ... ::a tear hit the page:: but being so close and knowing you can never be... that way again or anything more... to know that there is love but... that it is not strong enough.... to know that maybe there is som curse upon those who i come to care for...the men in my life..

the curse still holds... though he lives he has been takena way from me, not away from my heart but away....I am lonely...and I miss him. ::another tear crashed to the wet ink and ran down the page...it swriled down like the wind and water mixed... and witha gust of wind it blew across the page...making a long design..shea had seen it before here in rhydin... at that fallen hdiden temple of sul val'istar... the mark of the wind mage...her destiny.. her life...::

::shea didnt even sign her name she just closed the book and took the suppiles inside and came back out to sit at that tree she rested bare foot now boots propped up next to her bare fingers upon the cold slightly wet ground under her...she had to focus, no matter what...::


Training would sooth her as it always seemed to it put her mind in to focus, it was the effect battle had on her, right down to business. There was no time for anything else...

(continues in ramblings)

Journal Entry: March, the Fifth Day: Hour, mid-day Place: Roof Top

Aye me :;shea would slowly sit down upon that roof top in the market place and pull out her ink and quill and that balc bound journal it had been days since she last wrote in it::

In these early hours days ago I would have felt so alone...., now I do not...

though my thoughts go to be with Connar still from time to time... :: she would idly touch that medallion aroound her neck before she continued:: I've fallen in love, gods forbid, that word to slip so easily from my lips... I was shut up, so much ina some dark and shuddered room days ago, wishing I could change mys elf, so not to be elven, or full of blood bound magics....but now... I don't Connar left yes, I am angry that he ahd to go, but I understood it then, and I do now...

everything happens for a reason....

and now I know why....

he always said we were to closely cut from the same cloth but perhaps by different hands, he mortal and not , mys elf elven and full of magics, and yes we faced detah and darkness and I put him through hell and I was tortured by the fact that we couldnt be close anymore...or ever be....together.... I am not so fickle as to think being, intimate is the only thing in life worth living for.. but..I am but a woman, and yes I do have my desires and needs.....

the way I feel with Victor... ::a blush crossed her cheeks:: I ahve not felt this way in an age.. I wish only to savor it... I am just wating for something grand to mess it up, everytime I come to love some one, they leave me.....every man... who utters that he loves me leaves me....

I do not wish for that, I wish only to be happy, contently in love with some one who loves me, for me...

He does... my evening star....

I know it....

I want it to be, the one love to break this curse....

I need it....
::shea would smile softly and sign her name::

Shea

::the journal would be closed and shea would go off to do her guard duties::

Journal Entry: March,The Sixth day

They say alot can change in one day,that finding love can do amazing things to you,just as losing love can.

I never thought I'd feel this way again. Its been so long since I let anyone in my lfie fully. Even with...

::Her fingers graced that medallion,as she lifted the chain off her head:: I let my past with Adaron go,I left those things at home in Greenstone and when i go back,this will join them ::Shea would draw a little picture of that emdallion perfectly.:: He once told me his home was with me, if that ahd been true he would ahve stayed, and it may have been him,that I wanted to stay with forever.....but its not and I will put it all behind me now....

Victor and I. As odd as it mmay seem to some,we fit. He doesnt care about the facts that I am elven,immortal or that magic runs through my blood. Just I don't care that he is a vampire,and an angel... he is my evening star... and after fourteen years of being alone,being with out those passions I longed for. It happened,I wnated it to, he wanted it to. It was perfect just us, it took everything I ahd to control my magic, as I remember long ago it was hard for me to control my magic in times of passion.... it is thatw ay with most elementals I suppose, anger,rage....sadness and sorrow.... and passion and love... those stir my power,bring it to a height.

But I wanted it to be just us, as I know he did, no magic,no ands or buts. Now hat ifs.. just us, and it was passioante and loving and..intimate an beautiful. I can still feel my skin humming from his touch. I can still close my eyes and feel him... I see his smile when i close my eyes now. I do not know where it might lead,but I know that I love him. He has agreed to go home with me, perhpas new memories shall over take thos eold ones. I can never forget, Adaron, or Blahl or Connar.... but Adaron and Blahl are dead. And Connar is gone....

My love for them is in the past. I want to be able to be with Victor to love him, to be ahppy. And I am.

In the past I blamed mys elf for driving Adarona way, but duty called him and death took him...

I blamed myself for pushing Blahl too far... but some part of him loved me, until the darkness took him over....

I blamed my self for days on end every day for pushing Connar, as he blamed himself for falling in love with me and stringing me along. He ahd said often that he wished that thos enight at the inn ahd never happened he wished we had never grwon close it was easier for him to be the unknown travler....in GreenStone he spoke so highly of our love, he even let poor sweet Vanya .....I do not know what she will think, how do I explain any of it to her.... I dont have to explain to Salice or Shay,or even Aiden.

Salice has seen ehr share of loss, she nearly lost Devron, and in her past she gave up being with Dristan who she still loves, and I know even if no one esle does that there is something between her and Zorin

Then Shay: soon to be married to Kulbin, but it was not so long ago that she too lost Zel to Jinnalts fire rage.I often look at my sisters one married about to bare a child,and one in love about to be wed. Back at Winter fest,Shay gave me that Ivory night gown, to tease me,to make me blush.Beacuse above any other they know me best....And when I wore it for Connar he hid, he closed his eyes, he touched me with reserve....When we spoke at the falls in the mith forest.... and he told me that we coudlnt be close, I should have let him go then.. I should have udnerstood that he was saying goodbye.....I didnt want to ,I wanted to love him with every breath and I did.... but Atar.. his words, that medallion which i left in GreenStone....I gave it to Shay to leave for me in my room, to ahnd there int hat acabnet with that Armor that Adaron made for me, that platemail gauntlet of Blahls... and now... Connars medallion shall join those things... of my past. I burried the ring Adaron gave me ....but its taken me this long to finally let him go, I know he watches over me and will come to my aid should I call for him......

Then there is my son....Everytime I look upon him I see his father....Aiden has lived his life so long with out me,raside and born in toa world of war, he elarned to fight for it quickly.... he's been at my side in battle. He for so long searched for his father.... as I did.... after this long he has forgiven him, beacuse it was not his fault.

Sometimes its just fate.... We all forgave Jinnalt, for his tresspasses, it was a different world back then...now there is peace.....

I have peace, in my heart. No more tears of pain wondering when he might come aback, no more etars beacuse he couldnt love me as I wnated him to... no more.....If Connar did return,I would tell him,I would be up front and staright with him as I always was, we can never be, we could never be...

My road my fate lies else where.....

And I am with Victor now.. I am not goign to second guess him... hes been honest with me, and he cares for me,and he loves me, the way I want to be loved. Yes at some point we might have to see where it might go..... but I will keep my vows to Rhydin and home. I will protect the poeple in both palces, I will fight and I will led my hand to my friends.....

But I will savor in this love... some poitn may come where I ask him about his past, and tell him about mine... it may happen soon.... with every passing moment alone I think of him...feel his wings around me....

I am sure much will come out at spring fest....I still have to take Calen back.. Salice.. gave that horse to Connar, but I named it.....

I can not undo the past.... I remember what Willow showed me, I remeber begging the gods to save Connars life... I remember nearly giving my life for his, then seeing him so clsoe to death. My son even went in to aid him... But i am no longer that woman. I am more powerful now, more magic flows through me now....he knew it he could feel it.... he hated dark magic, he hated magic....

I hated myself for getting him involved.....

I often wonder now, after being with Vic....if back then I had not been with Connar but with Victor would things be different? I can not undo the past or rewrite it,I would not. Its made me who I am... I am still a knight, I am still a sister,and aunt and warrior and mother... more than just a elemental wind mage, more than Sul Val'istar....The powers of the gods touched me that day in the field when I killed Reavyn witht he rgeat sword of Crendia... I knew then as I know now, that I had mastered my wind element, yes I stillt rain to master the rest.. even the one I feared not so long ago... even the one that would have consumed me in its fires....I faced them,yes I faced the deamon by Connars side and he did give me strength....but he was right, he knew that if he stayed I'd have to chosoe between him or my son... if the fight turned to bad.....I would have chosen Aiden.... I amde a vow to see him a great man....I will not ket Mila live ehr life alone with out her love, I did that for far to long....

I will live and feel alive and love. Fully with out any thing to get in the way save for death.....

I love Victor,we made love... and I want him in my life, I want him to see my homelands to meet my family. I want them tos ee how happy he makes me, though I know my sisters and son can feel it....

long ago if Connar had asked me..... I would ahve said yes, even though I knew he wouldnt have asked me....we couldnt make love, it was forbidden, only an act for those amrried under the eyes of god he said...

my gods and his are different...

Marraige is all well and good, maybe some day I'll get there at last, give Aiden a father figure though he ahrdly eneds it any more, he is arown up , in love with his love Mila,they are often together...He will also be a year older soon... very soon... makes me feel even older. I havent told Vic about what exactly I am going home fore, perhaps I will tonight... so he might know what hes getting in to......

I often imgained that Connarw ould go abck with me if he returned... not any more.....I shall hang this emdallion there in the cabnet enar the armor and the gauntlet, and take my fathers medallion out...I loved Connar and yes it was with every breath, but he did not love me with every breath... I think that is what my father meant when he gave it to me. I shall think about it, often that Connar refused that... that I knew he could not take it, he could not let me love him with every breath, so I stopped... thats why I asked Shay to take it home....there it will be clsoe to the memories so found I have of Atar. Perhpas one day, a man I love with every breath will tell me he loves me with every breath, and would want to be with me, to be my husband, a father figure to Aiden... perhaps a father.... I often wodner if I could have more children I always wnated Aiden to have a sister or brother....but that time may be long past... I may ahve to be content with being an aunt ...to young children....

Some day Aiden and Mila will have children and I shall be able to help raise them....

But it may eb that Aiden would be my only child.... he is Adarons son... and I shall always see Adaron in him...

But I am content I am happy, the tears in my eyes tears of joy and happiness....

I remeber being so jealous of Mercy.. ebacuse she would kiss Connar right in front of me and he would do nothing.... a kiss may just be a kiss... but when your with someone... perhaps that kiss should be resereved for them.. and them alone....


I do not claim to be a woman whho does not look and see, who does not on occasion think about other men, I have in the past...often more than not... and I have my dark secrets that i will nto even write in here....

I think i was jealous ebacuse some part of him was torn always between the two of us...

if I saw Victor kisisng someone else... as deeply as Mercy and Connar would, I would second guess him as well...

But I do not think he would do that.....even if he did kiss someone else, I know he loves me... he is not torn between two women....

::a sigh passed her lips:: I just hope, that i am the kind of woamn he wants to be with, we mad elove were in love, we say it...
we show it even in public.....I am not saying he would have to forsake all others for me.....what man can turna blind eyes to a beautiful woman...

what woman can turn a blind eye to a handsome man....

all I know is that I want him in my life, I want to eb with him. I want to know that when he is not ehre with me that hse is not off some where in the arms of some other woman....I often feared that with Connar and often, found it to be so....

once or twice...

I have bene heart broken...

love taken by death, by darkness, by duty...

please.... if I were to beg the god for one thing now it would be to let tis time, be it.... let thats curse be broken, let me be happy.....
::Shea would sigh and sign her name to the page::

~Shea...

::She would clsoe the black bound journal and leave that medallion there....she had taken ift off and would not again put it on, it was in the past, and this wa snow and now she was with Vicotr and would remain so, even if Connar came back... even if he came back a changed man.....shea had made her choice....last night when she said yes to Vic... she would be with him,for as long as he wnated her to be there...::

Journal Entry: The Eighth day of March. Du.

::Her eyes flickerd over to the sleeping Victor and shea began to write...::

Engaged...

I never thought I'd ever hear the words 'Will you Marry me...?' ever again

He surpises me, my Evening Star.

My dark and mysterious man, whos just one big teddy bear if you ask me.

My love...

I look down at this ring and smile. I think of him when we are apart I can feel him... everything he goes through as he does for me... magic or not.... we are connected....

My mind races with images I should not think of, we arent even married yet.....

Images that he sees, and sometimes...like tonight acts on..

but since that night we made love.... my body seems to hum at his very touch

longing for his caress... :;she smiled as she thought about that night,just before the alley way, his hands on her...:;

perhpas after we are wed, we cna spend some time alone,away from rhydin or my homelands, and have a long honeymoon...very long.. :;another smirk...:;

When we do go on our honey moon I do not think we shall ever get out of bed

When we,make love. The passion, the heat... the desire...

I love the feeling of his fangs in my neck, the sound of his purr when I touch those wings of his...

I also know that he knows how to push every one of my buttons, he can piss me off then turn me on...

I wish i knew more of his...I guess I will have to find them for my self...

::she smirked and slowly closed her journal and slipped it away and crawled back in to bed beside him::

Journal Entry: The TwelthDay or March. Near Morning



::Another night spent in his arms with less than restfull sleep though. No matter how much she wanted to focus on there ehre and now the happiness in her life the love. Her nightmares of old still haunted her. No matter he dates with death,or her training with fire. Those old nightmares stirred her from her sleep late in the night,in was the early morning hours when she slipped from his side. Bare feet padded across the floor to where her weapons,cloak and bag of holding lay. She sat there pulling out her journal,flipping through the pages tilla blank one was found,quill ready ink there too.::


My thoughts seem to be every where at once

on this new happiness

and on old pains and old times long sicne passed

I once said

?I try not to dwell over it to much, its left behind in the past... and I shall not forget it, but I can not let it run my life??

?Sage advice, if ye can manage to follow it...the past is part of what we are...but it does not make up our future, unless we let it.? Connar said to me then... I miss him, I have not morned him as most would think.my life has been moving very quickly.New loves new passiions, new hope.

But my past has been not running my life so to speak, but there always so present in my mind as of late

The training goes on with Assadar and hes doing quite well no mattter how cocky he mught get, he knows that if he over steps his bounds that I will not hold back from killing him. I had to do it before,I could do it again.

I am having those night mares againn, about the last day of that war, about knealing there on that mountian top,Alaics hands on my shoudlers the ground under me charred and burning. The pain, the suffering..

I forgave Jinnalt for his tresspasses I could never forgive Alaric even though I know that he was once agood man, once Devrons father....

I destoried the obsidian orb with Connars help, and the demaon from it is dead,as is Jin and Alairc, though Jin came to me to help me see that I could over come the fire.

In moments of pure rage or fury I can be at focus with that element,it licks at my fingers yet does not burn...

I can not explain what happened to me, when I killed Raevyn.

I wish so much that I could let the past die... so to speak

but I cant the past amde me who I am today,though it might have been painful....

I am going back to the cemetary today, when Victor and I part ways to go off to our duites

To talk to a tomb, I miss Connar. I know perhaps I should not... but I do.


Then Training will resume and perhaps I shall try and contact Jinnalt, for help with the fire training, after everything I have faced it seems odd to me even now that I would ask the man whom kille dmy sons father, my first love for help, but he has helped me in the past, so perhaps again he shall. If not I may have to figure out what i am going to do.... perhaps I ill have to contact Albreda, or Kegan.. the olny two other mages I know that have master fire, and who have never been evil....I will have to see, on the morrow...

So much business to tend to,The West End, Helping out Juri, nae I have not forgotten, I told him I needed about a day, its been longer than that, but perhaps that is good news, I may need fire to fight this master drow of his...

Perhaps int he days ahead much more will eb clear.I go home soon, for Spring fest. i look forward to it

but at the same time winter fest the memories flash in my mind now and again, tis another reason why i am going to that tomb today... I know he did not die in Rhydin and yes perhaps he can not hear me, but it will sooth me none the less

::A deep breath passed through her lips::

Till then...

I remain

stead fast

Shea

::After a while and a few very deep breaths she would clsoe that journal, slide it away and slip back in to bed beside him. She would not go back to sleep though just lay there awake her head on his chest starring at that ring on her finger.::

Journal Entry: The 13th day of March: Night Time Falls


::Shea patroled,for a while in that mid-day sun.Walking the streets talking to merchants and fellow patrons of the inn.Then later in the day she'd patrol the west end with little luck.Finally she'd return to that no name inn, and give V and Calena good brushing before taking V out on a ride. To the coast she would go,there beyond where mist would look to find her. She slid her cloak off and ehr boots and slid those things to V's saddle as the mare rgazed near by. She would roll up the bottoms of ehr pants and walk in the cool waters of the ocean. Witht he igh sea breeze in her hair. Thinkin of home, every so often looking down that coast line to that place from her long lost past, some where down the coast clsoer to the path way home, was whatw as left of that poratl back to Connars world, the trees were now but mere trunks burned,and the ground under them as well. Nothing more than a long lost memory, now she would sit feet in the rising and falling tieds, Hair cught high in the wind as the sun started to fade in the west.::

::Digging in to that bag of holding she pulle dout her journal, and read a few of the older entries, from what felt like ages ago. Then taking out her quill and ink she would open up toa fresh page and begin::

How do I begin to explain....

how much I wish things were....

I did my duties ,and now I spend time here,on the coast in the waters,the sands upon my bare feet.

My memories flash before me,long ago. Those many portals...those many battles,won lost,all the same...

I showed Victor that place from my past,and he made it..new....wonderful


why is it that I can not put the past to any sort of rest,is it just ebacuse this is all happening all so fast

we met,we wooed, now to be wed....

If there was ever a curse,perhaps it has been broken....

I want to be happy, to have everything every woman wants,well perhaps not every woman

it seems odd to me,like I am losing my freedom,he worries about me...when I am gone...

But I fight my fights alone if at all possible, and not everything can he be involved in...I know this...

Yes I do not deny that i worry about him,but I also know he can take care of him self, and if something did happen I'd feel it.

I've been thinking alot about Connar....wondering so, one thing, I asked my self, if I had the power to turn back time,and beg him to stay... would I? Would I change my future to relive my past...

No...I have come far to far now,and he is gone, where he always knew he'd be..some day....

:;a glance to that ring on her finger:: there is so much I want to tell him,so much I wish I could....even so just one last time....

but wishes are fools follies....

At some point I will have to tell Victor everything, past and present...things I keep hidden, for his sake, for mine...

you never know what tomorrow may bring,I live in the now as much as I can...

I think about the future... where will I be in five years time, still here in Rhydin,fighting the good fight, or at home fighting the good fight,to watch my son grow up, to see my nieces and nephews... my grand children...? Till the day the powers over take me and I assend to heaven, or will I stay like this forever,touched by the gods,meant for great things....

I stay here out here all alone,thinking,wondering...maybe even wishing...

::a deep breath taken:: I should return V to the stables... maybe I will ehed to the Inn after wards, maybe I wont...

there is soemthing I have long desired,and it may happen tonight....

one can never know...

Shea


:;As the last light of day faded, she did not move.east not to go toards town, only to grab ehr botos and cloak and put them both back on before leading her mare down the coast line.Finnaly she smiled to V. And would walk her mare back to those stables at that inn, but she wouldnt go in to town,though she knew she should...se would sit outside that no name inn,hood drawn boots crossed left over right, cloak pulled around her form, over that off the shoudlers soft lavender shirt with mid-length sleeves, the neck line dipped in U like fasshion, and there hung her homelands necklace, which she idly touched,as the winds rushed past her. .Her boots and pants were classic shea style,both black.If you walked by most wouldnt see her,sitting there so well blened in to the shadows...thinking long deep thoughts...::

Journal Entry: The 20th Day of March: MidNight Hours...


So much,so little,so many thing supon my mind as of late, who would bring back Blahl?

Is Crendia really in good hands with Darin?

Where is Willow?

What of all my worries about getting married?

what of the epace for Rhydin:

My duties?

I have been at home trianing getting ready for something I know is going to happen,not today or tomorrow but soon...my training my teaching my duties everything bleeds in to one


Shea... Walsh....

Shea GreenStone-Walsh...

it seems so soon, yet I want to push it back I want to be sure, I know he loves me and hed do anything for me

he saved my life...

I went to find something.. a ghost of the past maybe..answers

I went to the catacombs,Calen led me, and Victor saved me Calen is sfae back at the no name inn and I found my self safe again in Victors arms.. yet still worryed that the man he once was is just under that surface

I do not know what to do...

so much...


I think about Connar often still....

I went to find out something more than just to find out if that force from Connars world was alive and well hidding there,but to see thta palce Connarw as last...to know what he did to find it.... to leave...

I know he had to leave....

but I feel guilty still... is it my fault that he is dead? Its my fault he left.....and it was me who moved on....

I love Victor.... I want to be happy...I am just not sure I am ready yet,its all moving so fast....


I think about how he makes me feel his touch his kiss... his fnags in my neck... I feel as if I am a different woman, that Connar would not even recognize now,letting a vampire feed off of me,I have fought them,killed them, Raevyn her ladies... Darius... all the forces of darkness from Crendia....yet I let him bite me I want him too...some part of me yearns to know what its like... just for a moment...

hed do anything for me....

I know this... I wonder if hed be willing to wait a while longer to be married, so that I can be really sure....

why is it that I can not sleep...?

No matter how wonderful i might feel in his arms, something something else rosues me... calls to me....deeply embedded...hidden...I must seek it out... beofre too much longer

so everything just falls in to place and is not so hard....

::jade hues gazed to Victor as he slept,she singed her name slowly ::

Shea....::and then would close her journal::

Journal Entry: the 26th day of March,Mid-Morn

Victor and I have been at the fest for a full day now and its been so wonderful,last night we fell asleep on the ouch in the louge before the herath.This morn we ride to Golven Vine,but first Shay ahs something to show me up in ftahers study,I noted something in my room this morn, the dresser was gone the one witht hose totems of my past,I was going to put Connars medallion in it,I wonder if what Shay ahs to show me ahs to deal with that?

I suppose I shall find out


Victor met the family and friends and cmae out looking like a champ,Vanya seems to adore him.I cant imgaine what Audrey had to go through telling the poor thing about Connar,but sometimes in youth things are easier....some times they are not...

But seeing Victor with her,all my doubts are gone,the wedding will not wait,I will be happy,I will allow myself to be...

off to see shay then off to GoldenVine...

Shea

::A quickly penned name as she heard her sister calling to her::

Journal Entry: Spring Fest:Sacred Tree


Today w as the day for us ladies to head off to do that long time tradion that seems has not been done snce so many years again setting thsoe white fallen flowers in to the lake,we are all here, my sisters, my kin and friends.I set in two flowers one for tradion one for the future.I am married now and happily so,that pink flower is for the future.For Victor and I... for the future we shall ahveI know soon we return to Rhydina dn so i return to business with the sisters and west end, as well as training with Assadar... I am looking forward to the wedding we shall ahve there all of rhydin might as well be invited... I know so many and so many are my friends I do hope they all can come... I know that soon here I may be with child,I can sense it.. I do not wish to raise a child in Rhydin... too much danger, I wish to raise a child some where safe,so if I do come to bare a child I will have him or her to eb rasied some where peaceful, by my hand... and by victors, for he will be a grand father... I just hope that I shall be a good mother, the fight is not over in Rhydin, much must happen but for now for these last two days here I shall savor in the time... I am going to show Victor one of the rarest sights in my lands tomorrow, the Realm of the Dark Willow and that Black Dragon . I know the day will go quickly but for now I shall enjoy this picnic with my sisters and kin, and then return to my love.

Shea..

Journal Entry: April the 21st Day

Nosgoth is so lovely,it feels like spring,the winds upon my face. Darkmeres great castle,AidenMila and Victor and the baby. I think its going to be a girl. Its just a feeling. I have agreeded to take it easy as I can, no patrols late at night, only what I must do, those things for the sisters, and yes that meeting... which I wont even write about here...

I am happy I went back to the grave yard.... there was a mug if ale at that tomb I made for Connar.... I sensed him, as odd as it may seem....

I have brough the medallion bck with me,no one even knows that.Shavyn got it for me before I left,she and Kulbin are off to Crendia for their hiney moon leavinf Salice and Devron and Lona at the castle surely Audrey and Vanya will be there from time to time too. I expect word from salice any day now even though it has been very few ...

I am at peace with everything, and if he and I should cross paths.... then... well then I shall do when that time comes

but for now I am relaxed at ease and happy at thise new home here in Nosgoth

Shea

Journal Entry: The 26th day of April.Nosgoth.

Child Hood

I often wonder now as I watch my son and his love go off to their days,in love and alone if Aiden enjoyed his child hood, he didnt have much of one, with the wars and battles,he didnt have me around as much as I had wanted.He was raise by us all, by we sisters and ember. And now he is a young man soon to be another year older,learning his way through life and love. And I am married, and with child.I think he is happy for me,glad tos ee me at peace and happy.I often remember what we spoke of not so long ago. Those words that floated to me when I was between life and death.

?Death is what we make of it. It concerns us because we yet take in breath. When we no longer take in Breath, death will no longer concerns us.?

?When we cease to take in breath we will be dead.?

?My point , exactly. When we die, we have no more concern for the lack of our breath. We have other things to tend to even in death.?

?Such as??

?Ask your father the next time his spirit visits you. I do not fear death, not anymore. I have faced it more often than not. More often than many can say they have, at least those among the living.?

?What do you fear Atara.?

?Living in a world, a realm with out love. Dying with out fully savoring in life and love. I have lived my life by the skills and cunning of a warrior.?


?Life led by the sword.?

?Aye, and I shall die by that way. When my time comes I shall know it. I will go willingly then. For once I am dead, and in Arvandor. My sword can be laid to rest. I will no longer need to live my life by the sword. If everything in my life that I have needed to do has been fulfilled, then I shall not fight back that graces of Heaven. ?

?If everything hasn?t been fulfilled??

?You?ve already seen me come back from the brink of death before. In GreenStone, it was not my time. Dae saved me. In Crendia, I was found and healed by the graces of a goddess.?

?In Rhydin??

?Connar saved me. As he has many time since. If I shall come close to death again then we shall see. But I do not live my life fearing and waiting for death. Death comes to us all. When my time comes, only I shall know it.?

And now,I fill happy, I can live at peace and watch my son continue to become a great man. I can abre this child.And help raise it in peace, hoping that he or she will never know the troubles of war,but also knowing that Rhydin is right beyond and so close,so much death . The meeting was days ago... but it feels like I am still there standing before them all speakin what I knew. I am a warriora knight and a mage and yes I offer my help to them, but now I will not risk this life with in me. I will not risk this child.


I know this child will be far different from Aiden... for one fact being that Victor is far different from Adaron. Adaron was a druid and human...

Vic is well unique, a vampire and an angel.By birth I wonder what this child within me shall be an elvish angel? a vampric elf? or all three? Not that it matters I will love this child,as much as I love Aiden. As much as I love Victor. And he or she will have a wonderful child hood..I swear it

Shea :;she signed that page and looked up tot he sky,sooner or later she'd hear something from Salice::

All Things Come In Time,Someone once said I am not sure whom said such but some one said it first . I have been in Nosgoth for two full days now again, after going to Rhydin alone,back to the Inn. I saw Connar.... god its like seeing his ghost,the first night I saw him I fainted in to Victors arms,I didnt know what to say or do.I feel terrible for what I did what he must be going through beacuse of me.Rhydin citizens should chase me out with burning torches and pitch forks...

I know they would not I am still their ally,I will still fight,but not any more will I risk my life,or the life within me now.Any fight I ahve I will not do alone,which is why I was glad there would be teams for the council after the meeting, time will it take.

Time will it take to get used to seeing Connar as a friend....Its hard to know that after al my years of training and all my immoratl wisdom that I could not tell the difference between a vision of a living man and a vision of a ghost....

Adaron would laugh at me now.... Connar should hate me for what I did,all he must be going through is my fault... I have done all I can to set it right. But perhaps staying away from the inn is all better,the city I can belnd in to,focus on the work needed

I am an ally as much as I can be though I do not knwo what my place is,the council ahrdly ehard me, at home I am respected I ahve rank there here I do not I am just an elf a knight with some mystic powers.... they look up more to those with power real rank, people whom have ben here longer....or been there longer rather

I write this as I sit just beyond Darkmeres castle in Nodgoth.I do not know what to do,I ahve no one tot alk to in Rhydin thsoe friends I ahd before avoid me now or at least it feels like it.... perhaps I should seek my sisters out,but first i shall go speak toa wolf a freind a new friend whos widom run deep as I beileved mine once did...

I shall go speak to her see what she might have to say. Then I might seek out Salice ehad home for a bit,maybe Shavyn can be coaxed in to coming away from her honey moon. They will think I am crazy tis way I start with Jade....

Rhydin has changed,I have changed Im not the same woman I was when Connar left,losing him is the hardest thing ive ever had to do,Adarons death was hard.... my mothers death and fathers deaths were hard... to lsoe my son would be unbareable to lose Victor would kill me now... Losing Connar was like a knife to the heart. I know hes not dead,some how i always knew....in my heart I knew....

The way he looks at me now those hazel eyes filled with too many memories and questions that he dare not think over or ask.He said we took the paths we always knew we would... perhaps that is so,we can never know. He said he would not a dog at the heels of Victor,some shadow waiting int eh dark. He is not that,Connar is loved by me and will always be love by those I love,my family my friends... he is in some way family, he fought with me side by side againt the forces of darkness, he risked his life, he fought things Raevyn and those of Crendia.... for me.....for the freedom of my lands anf in some ways for Rhydin

I loved him...I still do... not in the same way.... but its like some part of me is still waiting for him to come back, beacuse hes different too a differnt man came back from that Earth bound realm.

We are both different.I have asked Victor to always be with me when I go to Rhydin not just for patrols and those duties I set forth to myself.But to just be there at my side.

Connar found it hard tos ee how I could be so deeply in love with Victor. He is a vampire but he is ore than that,much more. He is not evil,in his past he did things but we all have done things we dare to regret and punish ourselves over.

Victor is not like Raevyn,Aurina and Kadri. Nor like those vampires from that earth or any I have met here. He is different he is special he is my husband. The father to my child this child that grows with in me now.

He must hate me,Connar he said it isnt hard to be around me, akward but not hard,I do not think that is true.I have no right to be forgiven least of all by him. tis why I staya way from the inn.... for it feels as if those friends I had before all this before I said he was dead..... would hate me now... with all right they should......

I will go speak to Jade now....

Shea

::A peened name and a closed journal and she rose and went fo the castle::

Mid Day

It happened again I took my mid day nap and I had another vivid dream. I was back in that room and again he came my mysterious figure. I was waiting for him. He was clad in tight pants and boots and nothing more his eyes filled with nothing but me, passion for me. To finish and continue what he had begun. He moved too me and lifted me up effortlessly and kissed me deeply upon the lips, his hands drew down my back and off came that nightgown once more fluttering to the floor. "I desire you, I have desired this for far too long Shea..." His whispered his words against my lips. To the bed I was carried, I could see the chamber now more in focus from before as if I knew that place,perhpas not the room but the house in which that bed room sat.

He kissed me and touched me in ways not even Victor has. In ways Adaron never did. He did things to me that I have never felt things that riled me up and aroused me deeply. I felt his desire. Gods forgive me ... but I desired him as well. I wish it were real ... not just dream...

I soon felt the slow migration of his manhood against my bare thigh, as he leaned up and over me pressing his form down in to mine. He pressed his lips to my neck again again I felt the pin prick sharpness of his fangs sliding in to my neck and I felt him pressing him self within me, within my awaiting woman hood, slowly eagerly he made love to me, and fed off of me. I moaned with desire. The candle blew out as the magic in me rose and it only seemed to drive him on, he whispered thing sin to my ears, my name, and I begged him never to stop.

The night seemed to bleed in to a vast feeling of intense warmth and power that seemed to rush through me. And as the final climax came I moan his name but I didn't hear it only the sound of my moan coming back to me. I awoke In a deep hot sweat, my heart pounded and I went and took a cold shower I dare not say anything about these dreams, for I should not be dreaming them. Yet ... they don't feel like dreams. They feel real....very real.


Shea

The winds are eve chaning as I am. I had gotten that letter by chnace, for I know he never meant to send it.We talked, we needed to. So many question i know he must have. He said he is going to be the death of all that I love. I do not know what he means by that. How more ccan I be hurt? He left and we both knew that itnwas going no where,but i loved him none the less. The night before plays in my head as easily as thsoe dreams from night ago do...There we were in the glen....talking of everythign and nothing at all... when soemhting seemed to shift.....in him



::Not exactly the answer he expected to hear...leaving him
with more questions than answers:: Ye should know that I am at peace with how things turned out...I made an awful mess in my world, introducing the likes of dragons, were creatures and vampires...the which I now spend my time chasing out...but I am at peace...::His nightmares might argue against that last
statement. Vivid, crimson images flashed through his mind::

she rose again to her feet, slowly she paced towards the lake
and looked out over it.:; at peace? :: her brows rose and she looked back at him:: ye have always been the faithful wariror, and I know ye wills ee every battle through.... yet ye are troubled still I can tell....

:He relived the nitemare in a flash...chasing the winged
creature into the cavern...seeing Shea emerge from the shadows, and become the beast he hunted...He looked at her as she stood, standing himself...looking at the curve of the child inside her::

::It hit as if lightening...it wasn't Shea...in his dreams...it was
her daughter!...He staggered back as if struck by some unseen fist::

: ::Jade hues shifted to him, her stomach had gained just a slight
curve out,not much though, not even afull month in yet ;; Connar? :: seeing him stagger back:; are ye all right? : she blinked and stepped towards him just a touch:: ye are
looking at me as if ye see a ghost

That look he gave me was as if I had become his enemy....

:He set a knee to the ground, trying to catch his breath...mor
e flashing images in his mind...He raised his head, looking up to her. He
thought on some level that he was trying to come to grips with Shea having gone vampire, so to speak...but now it made sense...if Adamina bore any resemblance to her father...she would become hunted by Connar in his world:: I...I...::he couldn't speak::

::those winds brushed through her hair,graceful and gentle, her
steps towards him and she knelt softly, and placed a hand upon his shoudler:: Connar? :: she gazed in to his eyes:; whats the matter?

He recoiled from her touch...trapped between reality and the
visions in his head as he stammered to his feet:: Tis nothing...I will be fine...

: she blinked at him recoiling from her touch:: tis something :;she rose to her feet:: Tell me....:: she looked to her gloved hands in all their time togetehr he
had never recolied from her like that....jade hues saddned softly:: it is me....isnt it....ye cant stand to even....:;she backed away again::


There is naught to tell...tis only meaningless ramblings in an empty mind...::He turned to look at the lake...anything but her...He had become the enemy::


:: she shifted her hands over her stomach and lowered her
eyes:: there is somehting you saw, and are not telling me.... ::she rose her gaze those jade hues had gone softly sliver and she stepped in to his view he wasnt about to back down now:: do not tell me here is naught to tell Connar.. I know ye better than that ::she placed her gloved hands upon his shoulders:: one does not stager back from nothing in a empty mind.... ye saw something.... i know it....

:He suddenly realized the duality of his existence. In rhydin,
creatures such as Victor...Shea's daughter...were but citizens to him...welcomed and befriended...yet place them in his world and his time and he embodied death and exile for all that were not human...mortal. He looked at her...not sure what to say::

:her eyes shown silver as she gazed back to him... in t those
hazel heus she had knwon so well for so long...:: Connar.... please... if we are to be friends... ye must be plain with me....I hide nothign from you even still ye could ask me anything and i would tell ye an answer... please... i want to know whats going on...

::He looked at her face, her eyes...that had so oft in the past
steadied his soul, brought him back from the abyss. The words came out
nearly a wisper:: I am death to all ye love, Shea.

;her brows rose:; what in hades name are you talkking about Connar, ye are death to onthing save for the wicked in your world... you pose no threat to me and mine ::her gloved fingers softly graced his cheek as she tooka step
back:: ye could never do anything to me Connar,nor those i love.... for your heart is all too good and big....

::He had seen in vision the darkness that would eventually
war in his world...but what if he took the battle here...staving off the encroach to his world. He looked at her as she touched his cheek:: Ye do not know me, Shea.

::her brows perked a bit:; I do know ye Connar.... yet i know not what ye might have seen.... but remember Connar be us friends or not, if ye do by some chnace come after me or mine, ye will ahve tod eal with me before the end... and I may love ye stilla nd may so for ever, but if ye does happen to come after someone i love I will hunt ye down Connar ye have my word on that :: she starred at him her eyes pure silver tone she mant it to every word:: we are still on the same side, Victor is not bad Vampire, he is
a good man, I still fight the good fight and slay the demaons i must... but not every deamon is evil, my daughter will not eb evil, she may be part vampire she may be part angel or she may not be any thing but elvish...

so we slay the same foes still though we wight in differnet ways in different wolrds... i fight in rhydin and greenstone,nosgoth and crendia.... and you fight in rhydin and upon your earhten soil i can not pass there and no one like me would be able to... even now as dragons and demaons pass in to your
world i can not....

he should know me well enough by now to know that i meant every word,thsoe who come after me and mine mustd eal with me before too long...

::She truly did not know him...he was on the verge of thinking
he had no sense of who he was either:: Side, Shea? What side is that? As he draws lifeblodd from your neck...what side is that? Were he to do that on my world...he would be no different that any other vampire I have had to vanquish....Where are the side ye speak of?

;her brows furrowed in ward::; Victor only drinks form me when I allow him to.... he is a good man besides the fact that he is a vampire, and i can not die Connar not in that manner.... he fights the good fight he slays the ones who would kill the innconets of Rhydin.... he is not in your world Rhydin is not your world either..... and I am not from your world Connar..... I am on the side of good Victor is on the side of good and the last time i looked the Conar I knew was ont he side of good of peace, of rightful justice, of sense.... ye of all people shoudl
no w that just ebacuse someone is different does nto make them evil, in your wolrd Connar iw ould be hung for magic use, as you were destine to do beacuse I healed you in your world Connar we would be eneimes i do nto wish to be your connar.... a friend an ally.... a memory at best but make me your enemy do not... I am not a vampire.... I am still me a mage an elf.... but not a vampire....:; she shot hima long look:: but in your world i would be seen as a deamon for my long ears and my way with magic my blue hair and all else...


I damn thsoe portals to hell,those portal that tore us asunder,those portal which i use now to go from palce to palce, but thsoe palces save for Rhydin ahve peace and thsoe things from Rhydin do not pass through those portals to my wordls..... I cna not undertsnad what he must go through, being seen as a saint and a devil I do understand....

I've no business being here, Shea. I am nothing but a
distraction to ye...an intrusion upon ye and Victor. I am not making anyone my enemy...I am just...::he stopped, looking at her::...I should not be here.

;she paced towards the lake her sliver gaze shifting to the water
now...:: ye are not a distration Connar... nor an intrusion.... ::she paced back towards him and palced her hands upon his shoulders once more:: ye are here beacuse ye must be here, should and should not have nothing to do with it... if ye leave again with out saying goodbye, if ye leave again.... it will crush me Connar, ye left once beacuse of me, do not do it again

He stood motionless, looking at her...though his mind saw
her wrapped in wings of black...as if symbolically she had left him for that which was the furthest from him:: I did not leave because of ye, Shea...It had nothing to do with you...I've a work to do...tis that and only that....It was before ye ever were and will be long after what we were is but a faint and hazy memory.

she stepped back again and took a breath and relaxed her
self when her eyes opened once mroe they were ajde in color once again:: aye tis what ye said to me then as well... yet i still do not beileve it.... honor and duty, aye i understand those well all too well....


Believe what ye will, Shea...but I did not leave because of ye. If ye know anything of honor and duty then ye know that some things are more important than what two people may share...

::jade hues rested upon him as he looked at her:: yet now ye look upon me with different eyes... as if the woman ye see before you is not Shea the woman ye once loved.... ocne shared so much with but as something else... some fowl creature.... I think i was right to say that ye were dead... for the man before me now is not the Connar I knew

Ye are not some foul creature, Shea...but ye are different...bu
t so am I.

aye somethings are....::she shifted backwards, shifting her hands through her hair...:: I wish to be friends with ye Connar,nothing more nothing less...I know we are both different than what we were....

The Connar ye knew was a fraud...hiding from his duty and
honor in your willing embraces...

the Connar I knew was the man I loved....deeply enough to risk my very life for, he was no fraud.... you are still that man yet ye do not hode from your duty.... and no longer do you hnor in my touch at all but recoil against it... I will leave it up to ye, if we can be friends or not is up to ye..... if ye say no then no it shall be, and ye will not have to even be ....ye need not even pay me any mind.... if no be the case...

I wasn't recoiling from your touch, but the visions in my
head...

:;her brows rose to that... she dare not ask:: I dare not ask, for ye will not tell me.... ::she summoned her
cloak to her and it fell about her form:: at least we got to talk...

If we are to be friends...then ye can't see me as the man ye once loved...else no progress shall ever occur.

::she gazed to him:; I do not see ye as such any longer Connar.... so progress has been made

:He nodded:: Tis how it should be.



Tis how it should be, tis how he always wnated it to be,I often wonder did he love me as he said he did..... or was i so blind that i was willing to risk my life for someone who didnt love me at all......? Memories I will never forget, but I stand by what i said,if he makes me an enemy it will eb the last thing he does, I loved him som e deep part of me may always, but he is not the man he was when he left the Connar I knew and Loved died in his world a vallent hero.....

For the man that i see now the man i try so hard to just be friends with is different for in hsiw orld if i could apss there i would hang,yet here in Rhydin I am....he says he has no reason to be there I think that is wrong... he fights for the good side still slaying those monsters that travel so freely from ehre to there... have i become one of thsoe monsters....?

I dont know what to do.... :: a tear splashed to the page making a water mark....:: All i wanted was to set things right and now they are even more confusing, ina few days we head back to GreenStone..... there are things i must see to before then

I dont know what is worse knowing that the man he is now is not the man i knew or that fact that i ened so despretly to befriend him.....

Shea

All time in Nosgoth seems to slipa way the beauty of this place,so much like home. Some part of em longs to be in GreenStne,beside Salice. In this time when she needs me the most,I do plan to return. I plan to raise this child there,and here in Nodgoth. I plan to staya way from Rhydin, the blood and torment of that cold city. Where friends are eneimes and eneimes are friends. Where the shadows lurk and i lurk with them. I like this new me,fangs and wings all of magc but now more real. I ahve become the one thing i never hought I would,now more powerful than mere magical bound allow. I have become the one thing that the one man I thought I knew would fear and hunt me for. Connarand I are friends if you can call us that. I dont speak to him often.I staya way from the inn when i think he might be there,but there are times I can not avoid him. He stays here to fight the good fight lost between ehre and the earth he fights so hard for the earth in which he left for me so long ago it seems. I am happy,its not what I had with Connar,nae its much better. No worry of if I'll come to find my beloved lying near death,no fear from torment from the otuside world,no eneimes who come after me and mine.

He is not the same, I am not the same. But I like who I am,thats the difference. In some ways I think Connar does hate me,for pulling hima way for so long from his world,for fighting so hard to save him,from deaths grip more than once, we are even now nothing owed. He saved me I save him, we loved,I lost, he lost.Tis over. I keep thinking about that night in the Glen, and one of these night when I see him I will get answers out of him,he saw something. and if he is to be the detah of everything I love Id like to get the chnace to stop him,I love him some where deep in my heart always shall, but if he dares come after me and mine,I will tear him apart,and if I do not Victor will.

Victor loves me,he wishes nothing else but to make me happy. Etten said hed given up being the dark knight he was to be with me, given up the fight. But I dont see it that way, he fights in Rhydin,he fights for me and mine. Maybe now that Etten has begun something with Salice he will come to see what I mean. Love is worth it,worth fighting for worth dying for. No matter how I change ovet the next hundred years of men,one thing will remain the same. I am a force to be recokned with.

Victor is the most amazing man I have ever known, his love for me is like no other,different from Adaron or Blahl,very different from Connar. Victor adores me, and my fmaily loves him.Aiden sees him as a father,after all this time of Adaron being dead Aiden finally has someone to look up to. He is so happy my son, so happy with his beloved Mila. Kulbin and Shay are going to name their Daughter Kaleigh Ember. Kulbin has a sister,who has grown ery fond of Shaun,Willows son. Willow and Ghallon make such a good couple so good to rule Crendia. Kahn and Audrey seem very happy, Vanya has sone one to take care of her and Audrey seems at last to be happy. Salice and Devron are Divocred I felt it the papers were finished,I feel my sisters pain but also that other pulse,that must be Etten I sesne.

Darkmere and Jade are well, they are so loving and his sons Raz and Gabe have fallen for two greenstone women,Anala Nirvelli and Aldaya Lorelle. It seems all over there are people getting together. In Rhydin Lady Jewell married Captain Kidd. Gav and Des seemw ell they speak so highly of their daughter. I have not seen Wyh ina long time or so it feels,I shall have to stop by he rhome one of these days to see her and her pirate king. I also ahve to go back to see the sisters soon,as well as do my nightly sweeps in west end with that group. Victor was pelased with the groups,though the only one I really know on the group is Storm, and she and I are like fire and ice,two sides of a coin. Very different coins.

But all in Rhydin is as it always is,chaos and blood. Nosgoth is peaceful,laying here in my loves arms as he sleeps is peaceful.

My mind is free of worry... all shall be fine.

Shea

It has been settled.I will pull back from fighting in Rhydin, and Victor has done the very same. He gave Aiden his swrods, the two swords one black one white,the night after his birthday had passed.

I can pull back, I will not step un to a fight unless their is no other option.I have not been to Rhydin since the night of the battle in the alley way. I will only go to the inn and never alone. I have surrundered my sword for now.

We go to GreenStone in the morn,all of us I am sure will go.Aiden and Mila,I and Victor we plan to stop by darkmeres castle before we leave,they may join us as well.

Everything has been set,Jade will take over for me while I am away. She is skilled and has a certian quality about her. We head home to see Salice, and I go to hear more about the goings on, rumors have been flying about Anala Nirvelli being with child,and I ehard also from Shayn that Audrey too may be with child, seeing as how I salice, and shay are all with child I have started to wonder if its the water. Devron is gone passed to Crendia for what purpose I do not know, but hed better watch him self, willow is one to quick action.

I ahve had dreams about Adamina,seeing her growing up before my very eyes, I know she will be beautiful. I feel better, wellr ested as if no weight now weighs upon my shoulders. Rhydin will rise or fall with out me,I can not risk my daughters life. I will not. I have everything I need in Nosgoth,I have Victor and my son, I have my family close at hand and my allies,I need nothing more. I can settle down and this time I will do it right.

Shea

I hace often wodnered what it is about Edhel Ndor that bring son the uge to mate and be married.

It seems every where I look someone is getting amrried. Its eems as so in Rhydin too.

Perhaps it is after all the water.

Or perhaps love has found a very strong hold with those willing to fall in it.


But in any case.


Audrey and Kahn are now engaged

As are my Son and Mila. For which I am very happy.

Lord Alcar and Jade also announced their engagement .

Audrey and Jade are both expecting, it seems many women in Edhel Ndor are there will be many little ones about

Salices son, lona.

Shays daughter

Adamina

Anala and Gabes son

Audrey and Kahns little one- which i think will be a boy.

Vanya- even though she grows older every day, she sill has the spirit of youth.

Then Jade and Darks little one.. or ones...


Then also Lady Felan is expecting, it seems every where around ehre there are new mothers to be. I know for some it will be hard to settle down. But I am sure once Jade gets used to the idea she will settle in.

Victor and I have been invitied to a party in Rhydin. I have not set foot there in some time.It will be odd to be there

Jade gave me word that Connar has again retured to Rhydin. She also me a well wish from miss Eless. Jade told me my name came up between Eless and Connar.

I often hope he is well. But nothing more. I know he has palced everything that was between us in the past, and forgotten all he could of me. Not that I am sad for that fact. I love Victor and I can not wait to bare our daughter and raise her.

But it does my heart good to know he is alive.

::Her fingers ran down her stomach.::

Adamina grows more every day to think by the time winter fest has come I will bare her and Shay will also bare her daughter. By the time spring fest is over Salices son shall be born.. and many more little ones to follow.

Part of me has missed Rhydin. But the other part has been glad to be gone from it. I have missed my close friends, but I know that they are well.

I do not miss risking my life, I have gotten used to the easy way of things again.

I have been back and forth from Rhydin to Edhel Ndor and Crendia and Nosgoth. I have met many a patron and tender, many a friend and foe.

I have made many allies over my many years. And as the day comes closer to when my daughter is born. I know that all the fighting all thsoe years ago and all the loss has been for something.

I have seen through many loves, and may more failures in it.

Adaron- whom still comes around in his shadowy form- to see his son, to speak to me. As he ahs done for a very long time. The man whom I would have been with for all time. A man I hold deep in my heart.

Blahl- what can one say about a man who was something once then became the very thing he swore to fight against. The love there was once there... faded long before he died.

And I shall never forget Connar- we two were doomed before we even began, he from his earthly realm,he with his warrior ways and his ways of his own gods.. but no amount of time shall pass that I would forget him,I have immortal life to remember them all I sahll always remember two the most foundly Adaron whom shall never fade from my life, such is his way and Connar. He was much more to me than I could ever say, and part of me would still wait for him, the old me. The old Shea, wing and fang free. The Shea that would never surrender to anything or anyone, the one who would fight flights of deamons... for love and justice. I am not the same woman.

He had changed, but we all do. He had moved on. As have I. I may never see him again, for Rhydin I go to less often and he would never find me here, for he had said he had forgotten much of what was. But I do not believe that, when the sweeping sunrise of his heaven may greet him, I know he shall not forget what was. I know his day will come sooner.. than I would wish it. But immortal life is for we few, the elves and creatures unbound to earthly soils.

::A long breath:: I know in my heart that his sweeping sunrise over wild fields of grain may have come already.I remember the fields of Arvandor, the sweeping wild fields of gold and green the sound of voices I knew... I recall what it is like to die. I have done it... yet live on to tell the tale.

May graces of angels lead him in. May he find that peace he looked for. May he feel no pain, for when if it is his time his soul shall not fight the coming of death. For it is not the end.

My eyes turn tot he sweeping dark of GreenStone, the night. The winter fest is at hand,very close indeed. A wedding at hand for Jade and Lord Alcar. New life born Shay and I due as well as Lady Anala, then Salice.. then Audrey , then down the line Jade. My son to be wed,in the next few years. My life goes on, such is immortal life. Rhydin goes on, for that city could burn and be rebuilt so many times over the coming years,and I shall never leave it truly behind.

Shea

It was hard to sit there, though I wasnt alone. To just sit there and know what lied beyond those two trees.

V was with me,my ever faithful mare. And for once I bore a sowrd and dagger. I knew then when I saw the blood that Devron had gone far in to that world which I can not go. Or will not.

The power remains I will not will that portal to close. My heart will not allow it. My strength weins as the day gets closer Adamina will be a spit fire like me and a rogue like Vcitor I can see her now.

Twas most likely my last far trip to Rhydin. I have no reason to go so far any longer. With Winter fest close at hand and my hand being needed closer to home I venture not.


I once lived life from dream to dream. But all my dreams have come true. I can not ask for anything more. I can not linger in the past so I shall not. The future lies ahead of me...

Immortal life sounds good to those who do not have it. Most humans do not live to see one hundred. Where as I will live far beyond those meager years. I have seen the light of heaven, more than once. I have never surrendered.

I often think of who would understand me. The man- who lives his mortal life by the sword.

The elf- who is so like myself.Yet he is dead- and not fully elvish. Adaron- the man the mystery the Druid

The vampire-immortal yet something more.


I once told Aiden that when my time came I would not fight it. My time was not that day on the peek of GreenStone, my day was not those hours in which Blahl had nearly killed me. My time was not When Raevyn could have killed me. My time may never come. I may seen my children and their children grow before much more passes.

The world is always changing around me. I suppose after all my years I should me to expect the unexpected from Rhydin, my family and those places and people I hold dear in my heart. But I will say this one hundred and forty-six years and I still get shocked by the mortal coil, the ways of outsiders and strangers, the ways in Rhydin.


I wonder if that drink will ever happen. I will be in Rhydin a few more days. Then I head home. Radella keeps telling me to rest, and she is the advisor to the elves. As well as a trusted friend.

There are some plans you make that you plan to keep, then there are the ones you make that you know wont ever happen. I must admit there is some part of me that wishes I would surrender to something's. The Count was right in that area, I have never surrendered not truly. Not on anything or anyone.

I wanted to surrender myself to Adaron but then Jinnalt got in the way. Then Adaron was dead. I wanted to surrender to Rhydin, but home has a powerful pull. Some part of me wished I could have surrendered to Connar. But fantasy dwells not here any more. Long ago before Victor when thing s were so odd between Connar and I, I dabbled with the idea of surrendering to The Count.

It is somewhat odd that something I've fought and killed many a time would allure me so. Victor is that way too.

That darkness, the danger. Part of me yearns for it.

Perhaps that is why I undertook the fangs, though they are not real. Perhaps I wanted something I could never have. That is not the first time and will not be the last.

She sleeps now. My most perfect daughter.She has dark hair a mix od Victors and my own.Her eyes still that new grey blue all children bare.She sleeps soundlessly. I can hear the hum of the room downstairs and the fest goes on in our sted.Shay rests beside me so new to this motherhood. Anala too is resting.

Kulbin still sits by the window with his lovely daughter wrapped up in his arms. Gabe is ever attentive to his sons small cries.Victor has been a peach,tending to me and Adamina.The world seems different now, all to changed. I remember the day Aiden was born. He swore to me before that he would protect his sister from all harm.

Sucha nobel son do I have. Sucha beautiful duagter so new to this world. I can not wait to see her walk,hear her first words.

My life again is different,I never felt like I raised my son right.There was so much chaos back then with Jinnalt and the wars. But he turned out alright. He is strong and nobel and sweet as well. I can only hope that I raise Adamina right, there are no wars and there is no chaos here now.

I had forgotten how hard child bearing can be. Perhaps I too should rest.

It was nice to see Rhydin at a lighter side for a while at the market festives.

skating is not my fortay it has been too long since I skated. I miss Victor while he is off with Dark at some secret meeting.Jade and I seem all beside oursellves.Jade refuses to leave the castle in Nosgoth she is worried that if she comes back to Rhydin she will turn fully fearl and hunt.I do not blame her. She is mising nothing.

I am glad to say that I have spoken to Nicole and met her captain and father. She seems happy to be in port for a while.


Only Icer and Eless know that Victor is gone. I have spoken nothing else to anyone. I suppose my heart gets the best of me. Today I go to spend sometime witht he lovely lupine. Last eve may have been the last eve in a while that Rhydin shall see my face.

I may spend more time in Nosgoth with Jade and try to convince ehr to come to GreenStone with me again. Kayla and Johnathan said they would help as did Alces. I thnk with their help Jade can make it through this.

Over my one hundred and fourty-six years in Edhel Ndor .I have often wondered about the world I can not venture to. I can easily go to Crendia ,Nosgoth and Rhydin.All linked by magic. Portals and plains of existance.

And while GreenStone and Rhydin are only four days from eachother, few will ever know we are here beyond the mist of the mountains. What other realms lie beyond Rhydins great shores. One spoken often of is the earth bound plain. The plain where I can nvere go,but know many from. The magic of the nexus and other magics brings outsiders in to Rhydin. Perhaps one day it will too bring outsiders to Edhel Ndor. I know there is a portal in Crendia tot he Earth bound plain, for Willow can go there freely,daughter of an earthly house before she was of Rhydin.

Humans are not odd in the elven lands,Nosgoth or Crendia. But they seem odd in Rhydin. So few yet so many. Mixed.

Lycans,lupines,vampires,deamons and even a few angelic like creatures. Mix with the humans that dwell in the great city. I had not intended to go back there so soon after Adamina was born,I intended to stay at home for a while. And I may very well do that now. Aiden was forced to grow up fast, wars and battles and his mothe ron the front lines.

But there is peace here now,so why put Adamina through that. Aiden has become a strong young man,with dreams that abound. A love and life all his own. Adaron would be happy, and so proud of his son. Soon we shall remember those who passed, Zek and Adaron. Shay and I shall go to the lake to remember those long lost loves. We both are married and happy now with children to raise.

Kulbin by her side and Victor by mine. Immortality looks a little brighter knowing I wont be alone.

There is stilld arkness in Rhydin, as there always shall be. Everytime I go there my body pulses with power,and I can smell the blood and feel the howl of the wind more.Even the wind has been untameable even by me. Those I do not mind.

The lovely lupine and Lord Alcar are staying in the castle for their honeymoon. How funny that they come were when Vic and I went to Nosgoth for ours.


Jade seems distant and odd.She stays close to Darkmere when she can I have seen her sitting by the fountain in the gardens as of late,I sent aletter to Kalya and Johnathan to come with Tala.


Alces is already here and stays clsoe to Jade as well. I think she is worried about the child she bares with in her, a mixed breed of lupine,vampire and angelic features. Not that Adamina is not a mixed one with her dark hair and eyes but pale skin and pointy ears.

I have been to the inn and in the common of Rhydin many times now since the winter fest was over. Since Adamina was born. Nothing really chnages there,though new faces come and go and old ones may disappear. The inn is ever the same. A warm place where everyone knows someone.


Once upona time I was new there a new face but now most everyone knows me. They have heard my name or seen me before. It is odd being known somehwre else like I am known here at home and in Crendia.

In Nosgoth it is different, the wild world of the Alcar men. Small villages, wild at heart. Makes me think of Alstalders world before GreenStone was here beyond the valley.

I think now after all my years I have come to understand things so much better. Perhaps after one hundred more years I shall know even more.

I have never hidden sucha thing from anyone.

I know those close to me sense it.


Jade,my sisters. Willow.

Willow knows, she confronted me.I broke down,I had to come clean to someone. Of corse Adaron knows, he knows everything. But Willow was oddly comforting, shes had a tatse for darkness before, she told me we all have it in us. She has fought ehrs long and hard and finally decied that Magus was right, that she needed to elarn how to control it.

she also admitted that being that close to giving in to it and not was very hard for her. She also stated manya time that she loves Ghallon. I too love Victor.

Its not about love,its about something else.A desire a deep long desire..

tis odd that I would feel this way again.

Ive been torn asunder by darkness and those who have used it against me,.I have fought log and hard against those who would destory with it.My brother,Alaric,the smoke deamon from the orb. Raven and her vamire friends. To think how mnay times ive bene close to death and have died beacuse of it and now i yearn for it, but its so different.A desire for it, a taste of it.

I told Willow everything, and she vowed to never tell a soul.I think Salice knows as well, I am sure she will tug it out of me soon enough. Salice knwos all too well the lust of desire that comes with loving someone so dark and dangerous. shes in love with Etten, and will not say it. Shes with child and still worries every day that Devron will suddenly appear to take Lona and her son from her.


I think we are all on high alert. But my mind wavors... I feel as if I might break down and tell Victor, but then I knwo I wont. For if I do... what would happen?

Everyday of my life has been led looking forward.Then looking back.

Alaric is alive. I enver thought I would everutter or write those words again. Through his bones lie with my brothers at the foot of the greenstone mountians near the woods his spirit endures.

Lance Aelaryn once saved me from my death when the man whom Lance was still lived within side his own body.That body which Alaric took over. Yet thet man is long dead now, his spirit freeed the moment Devron tried to kill Alaric.

But in the end it was all for folly. Now after what I had thought was the end,that fight with nothing but smoke and mirrors. That winters day with Connar ages agao it seems when we smote down the deamonw ithin the orb.But it was not the end. Devron was posioned by the power of the fire mage. The mage won.

I fought with everything I had the day upon the tallest cliff of those mountains which I can see from my bedroom window. I nearly lost my life. Its took everything I had to not die that day,it took the strength of two to fight the smoke within the orb.

Now Devron has become his fathers worse fear. He has become worse than Alaric.. I dare to say it. He is like Keir.. the man , if one could calll him that that tore my mother from this very room,and was her death.

The man who killed everything my father stood for.

Devron has meddles in my sisters life for the final time. He tried to take her and Lona away again, while Salice was in mid labor I might add.

Magus stopped him.But Victor fought him.

And he survived. I do not know how. Thank the gods that Alric could not taint Victors pure heart,and his pure soul. Besides Victor is already a vampire, the fire deamon would have no hold.

Victor has also forgiven me as had Jade.

It willt ake time for Jade to forgive me fully. I udnerstand it fully.

Lord Alcar and I shall never be the same after this. We have been forgiven, but can nto forget. I love Victor, and want nothing more than to live out my days by his side.

Jade has taken on that power of Nosgoth,as it should have been from the beginning.

I have sworn on pain of death that what happened between Dark and I shall never happen again.I sowre it to Jade on my life and the lives of my children.

I have missed Victor. We were together and it was like the first time all over again.

He saved Salice from death, he also saved Adamina and myself as well as Novella form deaths hand.

Magus stepped in as well, i believe more for Novella;s sake than my sisters or myown.


We are the last three powerful wind mages,myself,Adamina and Novella. Though Novella is different from mysefl and Adamina, though elvish she was born a pure elemental. She reminds me much of lady Storm from Rhydin in that way.She has powers I shall never have.

I know Magus will protect Novella. As Victor protects me and Adamina.

I missed laying in Victors arms. I missed his soft glances and his sweet kisses.

Perhpas all this Alaric busines sis over we can celebrate the birth od Dalryn, a summer fest would be nice.It would lift everyones spirits.When the grasses are golden.But what if that is what ALric is awaiting,summer.

He still wishes to burn the world. To end us all.

I am amazed at Victors strength. He lives,and he seems fine.
I thank the goddess for that. For I need him, Adamina needs him,Aiden needs him.

Victor has gained so much since gaining my fathers sword. His wisdom and power in battle as well as many elemetal things. Perhpas that alone helped him, my fathers ghost looking down, aiding the man i love.

These day will be hard.

Aiden is still very cross with me, and has left to Crendia to stay with Shaun and Sira.He took Mila with him. I know he is cross with me, that will take time as well.

Everything in time.
One day at a time.

One thing I know for sure, I amrried the best man. A man whom I love with my full heart. I see him as if I am seeing him with new eyes, i know now what i would have lost, and what now I will hold on to with all my life.

Victor is that man.

He is everything to me.

I will eb sure to make sure he knows this with my every waking breath.

Battle is never easy. Nor are the deaths that follow those battles, this time we were lucky only the enemy has died. Though Willow came so close. She still ahngs on her bretah here with int he great counsel hosue in the Mith Forest. I spoke to her. After she was done visiting with Shaun and Ghallon.

She looks different changed. I should know death can chnage a person. I have been with in death veil many times, and I knwo what it is like to be called home. Willow knows that too, she has been close to death before.

But it is something that Alfreda told me that sticks with me now. Now as I sit here watching Adamina sleep. "She is different now. Chnaged. Did you sense it?" And I did. Though I know not how to describe it.

"I feel different." She told me. " Less Immortal" It makes since death makes you feel mortal,I know I felt it when I stood int he veil of death when I was nearly kileld in the field, and on the mountian top.

But in her eyes I saw something, something that makes me worry. I will speak not of it here. Ghallon should know though. I bet he saw it too.

Here I am again, remembering what had happened and what will be.

Death has been so close for the last few motnhs to so many of us, my great family .


And I move ever closer to what I shall become. I think more people know about this slow chnage than I would like to believe.

I am sure its easy to note how I have changed,my hair is going silver , my eyes are more often silver now than jade tone.

I can sense more things than ever,my wind powers have gianed,as have my others. I tried to help Hera througha mind walk, and although she burned me, the wounds are already healed, where before it would have taken many weeks to heal.



We will surely plan some day to celebrate what Lang did for us all. And Yes I still owe the demon for saving my sons life. Also.. on the fact of Aiden, he knows whats happening to me, he also knows that likely his daughter will follow in this line.. the line that Mina some how got free of, perhaps its the fact that Mina is Victors daughter,more like him than me, and Aidens more like me, though hes more and more like Adaron, but theirs power in his blood, and in Milas so he knows that one day his child will become what I am setting out to become.


I am glad Mina will not follow this pat, her path will be very different from mine.

I know Victor knows whats going on, I have noticed it, the toll it take son him, our link,his dark hair going white like Ghallons. I know I will not see my dayghter becoome a woman, least not in the way i have long hoped. I will still be here, apart of this realm, yet not apart of it.

I will die,technically. I will pas son to the world of the goddess,to Calas,Embers and Adronas realm, beyond the physical.

Like Cala I will balance the light and the dark.I will see all that was, and all that can be. I will guide my fmaily, my friends should they need it and watch them, as they grow.

Then one day like Cala will, I will assend to join my father and mother in Arvandor. Though that may be centuries away.

This change has caused me to be moodier than i would wish. I ahve been short with many people, and done things I can not undo.I can only move forward not back, but I know one day the thing I did will cause a fight. Jade had been waiting for the day.


I do not blame her, I did after all sleep with her husband. I have often wondered if Victor and Dark ever burried the hatchet between them.Or is Darks sons ever forgived him, Aiden seems to have forgiven me,though he is distant,he and Mila were here, taking care of the children with Radellas help but he returned home soon after.

I also know Mila is expecting their first child. A boy. How I know I can not say, but I know it will be a boy. I wonder how I will be when that child is born...

the idea of beinf a grandmother used to scare me, but now with everything that has happened.I would welcome it.


The future is becoming clearer,slowly. Soon I assmue everyone will know whats going to happen to me.

I have not had the will to tell my friends those who remain at least ... those in Rhydin..

I am not sure any of them could understand, not even those with magic.


Rhydin will eventually be a memory. As will those in it, but until then I will continue to go there...


for now I am going home, to see my daughter.

The passage of time.

Ive lived many long years now and yet it still amazed me how things change. With every passing day . Adamina grows bigger and smarted.Shes a lot like Victor. I can see it in her eyes, that rogue way that he has.

I was thinking back tot he night Victor and I met that night in the market place, his old motor bike that sued to scare me to death. How he was flinging daggers at an old wodden plank and how I, how I was longing to see Connar again .

So much has changed. Salice seems much happier now, thans he was then. Shay is happy always, she and Kulbin and Kaleigh are still in Rose-Whip.I miss having her here. Audrey and Khan have gone to fairwinds with Vamnya and Joshua. Duchen seems very happy to have his sister there. Hisime and Cerime have takena little trip. I wonder if like Rhun and Hisime if they will return. Duchan and Mia have Fairwinds well in hand and their daughter Faina, is growing very day. I sometimes hear from Dristan and Hope at Amyethys Rose soon, we all will go see them.



All is well ehre and in the allied kingdoms.I have heard nothing but good news. And that is good. V tells me now and again of Rhydin. And I have been back but once so far, and it stays ever the same.

Someday, somedays oon I will say goodbye to the friends I have made there. For once the time has come and I take Calas place I may nto be able to return. Or if I do, I will not be the same person.

I am one of those ghosts of Rhydin.

I have become quite content with GreenStone. And Edhel Ndor. I go to Crendia now and again. I staya way from Nosgoth still, for only one true reason.I will only go if I know why I am going.

Every time I am there I can feel the lan like I feel Edhel Ndor, pulsing through me with its power.

So I stay away. It is better that way. Tempt not the tempted.

I just set my mind tot he days when Victor and I were in Rhydin, the ngihts there, the dinners, the time at the inn. I remind my self that I love and adore him, more than my own life. And I know still why I married him.

my evening star.

I have not had much time to write. My daughter , my life has come first. Thing have settled now that everyone is where they should be. Salice with Etten, thogh it tookt hem long enough. Though I may never be sued to calling him king. A king on the throne of GreenStone, a proper king a king ordaned by the ansestors has not happened since Jinnalts time.


While I sit here looking at the palce where Jins sword used to hang, I think of my brother.Long dead. If he had not be swayed by evil what a life he might have made. But then.... things would be very different.


I would not change things. Oh yes I am due to be an aunt again, Salice with child. That three chidlren..oh and Aiden and Mila had a baby girl Amaleigh. Adaron is already nearung a year old and Mina is nearly five.Shes walking and talking as is Lona and Dalryn. Azura and Angel are often about too. Along with Warner. Maewena nd MAx have been about now and again on breaks form Crendia with their son Max. So many new little lives.

I have been to Rhydina few times.I have seen old relics and beenw armed by good friends. I dont know what to say about it more than that.

I retun home when I go, as quickly as I am able. My heart lies here with my family, my beloved. I think back tot he night Victor and I met, how much had changed since that night. We;ve both hung up our swords and daggers, there has been peace here, and we do not seek out a fight any where else. Though I doubt he or I would need a weapon to aid us in any fight.

The alliance stays strong. I hear good enw from Willow and Ghallon about Emily. I also heard about Captain Aurdon and his new lady love. I am happy for him. May the wind fill their sails. Sira and Dameina re to be married, and Vanessa and Rune ..I hear are going tot ry for a child. Radella didnt fill me in too much on that, just that the hope is good.


I am happy for them all.


I watch Mina grow with every day. Her eyes so much like Victors. Her hair darker than my own, shes such a beauty. If I had not faced all the trials before I would not have her.

Tension is gone between Jade and I. Witht he slow changes I feel pulling me towards a different state.I know that she and I will come to terms. Perhaps we may have it out yet. I try not to dwell on it.


What was ,was, and what is ,is.



I feel as if the bond forged so long ago between Victor and I is even stronger now. Every time I glance to my left ahnd and see that ever lasting symbol of our love. Now and again I let the magic take em over give me back those fairisk wings of blue and silver, and now and again fangs. Though I much perfer the wings.


I wonder what Minas powers will be? If she will one day have fnags.Part elf, part vampire, part angelc creature, part mage .With the power of GreenStone behind her, the power the blood intales.

But how I love her. It makes me recall when Aiden was small. His son looks much like him.But with Milas bright green eyes. Their daughter seems to be getting silver hair, and her eyes yet still remain gray toned. When i look at my son, I see Adaron still. Though Aiden has now out shot Adaron and I in height, he is much his father son in manor and magic. Though I know now his manors ae becoming more like Victors.


Aiden has known many men.I have loved many in the time that passed after Adarons death. Many died, or betrayed me or were not for me. Victor has out lasted them all, to become the father Aiden long needed. To become the man I long needed beside me.


He saved my life. That is how I put it. With out him I could not go on, and could not see myself now with out him. I have tied every fber of my being to him. My heart and soul. My beloved and champion.


We have grown together, changed and come out still together. If my mother had lived past Keirs fires I would think she and my father would have lived on forever like I hope Victor and I shall. But all things happen for a reason, and if she had not died, then my father would have never met Ember and Shay wouldnt have been born... and so much more good has come from things ...



I will end this entry with a hope. That my daughter grows up strong, and I know she will be beautiful, ut I hope that she finds a love ever lasting a man to love her, at her best and worst... to save her if she needs it, to let her save her self at times.. and a man who would do anything for her... and if this should be I will be happy, no matter who the man is...

this is my hope

Change
It seems to eb and flow like the winds.
More than an age, and I have too much and nothing to say.
Cadaria and Drake were wed, a few days past. The wedding was lovely. Their love seemed to spread throught he lands,through those here.
There was no big party this year for the solstice, witht he battles and wars, and then the slow peace. The wedding paries have been enough. As always there will likely be some party at the ending of this year, where once more we will all gather.

The mighty family.

So long ago, it seemed as if it was just us three. The three GreenStone sisters. Its been manya year since father died, many more since mother. So long from the wars of their time, to new wars of ours. How the fmaily has grown, how we all have changed.

How the family has grown.
So many little ones, and more sure to come.
Lori gave bith ehre at the castle to a lovely baby girl. Celaniel Aurdon . She will be belssed with ehr mothers beauty and her parents shared love of the sea.
Radella is expecting.Which seems odd knowing the woman is ancient.Seven hudnred years and change, but age seems of ltitle matter. It is good for her ahs been alone for so long after Alfreda and Albreda were killed. Kraven brought new life to ehr and now, it seems there will be an heir to the seer's of Edhel Ndor.
I wacth my son and Mila parent my grand chidlren. I wacth Adaron and Amaleigh grow everyday, as I wacth Mina walk and run. It seems with in so sort a time many of the children who were onee so small are now walking,running,talking.

No longer just the three of us. No longer three girls who's hearts were broken, and laid bleeding from the loss of their mother,their father and all they knew. Shay knows that Embers time is slowly ending, though its nott he same as it was for Salice and I when we lost our mother. She knows her mother must part this realm soon.

I watch Salice and Etten. The two so different as they raise their children. There is no talk of Devron, his name is never spoken. Nor thought of. Dalyrn and Lona are his,as much as Etten Micheal is his. Though they are not his blood, he loves them and cares for them. Dalyrn is starting to look like a very young Alcander, our father... he would be so proud.Lona is a raven haired beauty. And Etten Micheal looks already like his father, with my ownf athers eyes starring back out at you,knowingly.
I watch Kulbin and Shay raise Kaleigh. The beauty with a destiny laid at her feet. She will grow up knwoing where her live lays.How she shall spend her ending years. It is a burden to Shay I am sure. To know that one day she will pass and ebcome soemhting else. I share her fate,though mine seems closer. But I do not dwell on it..

I watch my beloved Victor. My eveing star. I watch him with Aiden and our grand children.With Mina. He is a wonderful father. I think about all the little moments that led me to Rhydin. That led me to emeting Victor and falling in love with him. No atter what we went through,we surrived and became stronger for it. I have never knowna love like his, he is willing to go with me,when it s time. To rule in a relam not of this one but still part of it..Lord and Lady of Light and Dark. The first.. yet not likely the last. One day.. Amaleigh will take that place,my dearest granddaughter.

There will be more battles ahead, more wars even. There could be sorrow and loss.

But there will be joy and love as well. The Alliance is strong.It grows with every passing day and who knows what the future will bring, what the children of the alliance will bring to these lands.

I think back some night on how close I have come to death. How many times has it been close tot aking me and I was saved. Seems odd and funny that Victor Death Walsh sould be my beloved. A man so used to death, where it was said that his life would be full of it.

Yet side by side we have seen through so much. I still remember the night we met, and our first kiss. I recall our vows,and the first night we spent together. There are long years ahead of us yet I know,I am granted tos ee my daughter become a lady,a woman in her own right.. To watch my grandchildren grow, to wtach all the children grow in to their own..

As the year comes to tis end,I look forward to the enxt and all that could be.