On the Nature of Autonomy
Malum in Bonus Nomen
"Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after
One tin soldier rides away."
One Tin Soldier; Lambert-Potter, sung by Coven
He was still in some shock as he prepared for an Analysis. It wasn't hard to ready himself for one -- it only took a moment of slow, deep breathing and a change in brain waves. It was easy, second nature now.
Aside from the Hunter, it was.
-His mind unfolded as he slipped downward. Back into the decrepit fortress he went, walking on cold bone-marble floors. He had to step carefully as always, but this time around he was wary.
He had to be completely logical -- he didn't dare let emotion in this time.
The Hunter laughed from somewhere far away.
Renne shut it out and walked onward. Occasionally he stopped and listened to a few memories but he moved on quickly. There was too much to figure out and make sense of.
He turned down one cracked, falling hallway and ignored the flying wraiths that let out great howls and keening wails. He marched on until he came to an old, familiar door.
It was an oak door with some years of age showing on it. And it was never locked. Beyond, he heard voices overlapping one another.
Renne almost smiled.
About then, the door slowly opened and the Hunter walked out.
"Come to see me?"
Renne's useless eyes glared.
"I have not. I come to understand."
"There is not much to understand. It is gone. It is not yours to call Home."
"Yes it is Home. It is my Home too."
"It is not yours."
"You do not need to own to have Home."
"It is gone."
"And I wish to find out why. I should not have my candle."
The Hunter sneered. For the first time, the Hunter reached out and struck Renne across the face. The blow knocked him down, but he got right back up.
"I will understand. And I will make you go away."
The Hunter only laughed and struck him again. This time, his foot came down onto Renne's chest and effectively pinned him to the cold, dead ground. He didn't struggle against it -- he didn't let small anger get in the way.
He couldn't afford to.
"I control you."
"You do not."
"Explain why you are here then."
Renne fell silent. He closed his eyes and remembered the night he was brought to prison. Again the Hunter sneered but that sneer turned soon into a grin. His face was always most hideous when he grinned.
The dead are not supposed to grin.
"You told of me."
"I did."
"Do you think he believed you?"
"I do not know."
"If he did, would he have so willingly disappeared, never to show his face?"
"I do not know. I think -- "
"It matters not what you think! You are a monster to him now and you no longer Belong. I am doing my job well, I think. Perhaps I shall tempt him to destroy you."
"I do not believe he would do that."
"He has already begun."
The Hunter lifted his foot and backed away. Renne stood up and shook his head. He was quite oblivious to the fact that Harold was his prosecutor but that wasn't what the Hunter had been meaning.
The Hunter had meanings that were years deep.
Renne turned his back then and rounded the Hunter. He needed to go beyond the oaken door. The Hunter was on him again in a flash, pinning him against his own goal. He didn't raise his voice. he didn't do much more than grin that disturbing, flesh-decaying grin.
"Such trust. Why have it for a Human who has left you behind?"
Renne didn't answer. He turned his head away and bit his lip.
"And not once. Twice. You remember."
Now, Renne spoke.
"I remember. I do not speak of the Thunder Night. It is behind. It is done. There was much fear, much confusion and much that none understood. I understood very little then."
"You came back."
"Yes. I learned that I was bound."
"Not Bonded."
"No. But bound. It is a strange thing that I cannot understand entirely."
"You always came back. How precious."
"I always will."
The Hunter backed up again and let him go. He kept that eerie grin on his rotting face and as Renne moved to go beyond the door, the Hunter followed. He stalked like the predator he was.
He followed as Renne journeyed deeper into this place beyond.
He laughed when Renne tried to slam the door in the Hunter's face.
Renne walked onward, forcing an analytical mind to dissect one memory singled out.
Ffyniant...
He forced himself to listen. He didn't care that he cried again. He let the tears fall and kept the stoic, hardened face.
He moved from that to another; finding his candle.
He transitioned to it smoothly and without hesitation.
He asked questions out loud in a tone that more than suggested distant autonomy. It more than suggested a valiant strive for perfect neutrality.
He vanished, then reappeared. Why?
-He chose to.-
Vanished. Reappeared. Vanished. Why?
-He chose. You are the past. The past is walked away from with ease.-
If this is so, why did the candle come?
-Home is gone.-
The candle came. Home must still live. Truth?
-Possible truth.-
Explain.
-Bright-hot that came with the evil carriers of Thunder-Makers. It almost destroyed Home.-
And all within it.
-Yes.-
Query.
-Speak.-
Does 'Goodbye' mean eternal Parting?
-Unknown.-
Query.
-Speak.-
What is the binding between Self, Home and Family? It is not T'hy'la, or is it?
-Unknown. Possibly a form Outworlders understand.-
Query.
-Speak.-
Is it still there?
The Hunter came up behind Renne now and laughed, cutting off the sterile Analysis. He lifted a rotted, skeletal hand and gave a swing.-
----------------
The camera had an advantage over a living eye. It never blinked. It watched the prisoner without end and without the hindrance of emotion. It watched as the creature gained the cold, stoic posture of Analysis.
It listened as Renne's voice echoed in his broken English his questions.
"He go ah-way. Th-en ah-pearrrr ah-gain. Why?"
"Smahll ligh-t. It hee-rrrre. It noht go ah-way. Ho-me s-till hee-rrre. Is trrrrue?"
The camera kept watching as from apparently nowhere, a bright cyan bruise appeared on Renne's left jaw line. It peered in at the lone creature that spoke to no one the outside world could see this time.
Not once did the camera react. It didn't need to.
The camera just kept on rolling.
It didn't need to blink.
It kept watching as the prisoner fell flat on his back.
~<>~
(( This Analysis and subsequent...event...is intended to occur after the most recent psychoevaluation and retrospective journal entries. It leads up to another branch I hope to get going soon. ))
