The Sea Forging Cold
No More Heroes
"Devotion is as a double-edged blade. Mighty in its strength that exacts a high price."
He was trapped. Again.
And he was alone. Again.
He hadn't moved since he'd been put on the cell bed -- he hadn't dared try to move else he might try to escape. Which all instincts demanded that he do.
Harold was dead.
Not-dead.
Dead and not-dead.
He'd come to the Maritime and spoke of insidious things -- murders unremembered. Acts that disgusted him even if he couldn't remember doing them. The description was right but it frightened him.
He had written in his journal of ending up in strange places without the knowledge of getting to them.
And now, his hero -- dead and not-dead -- stood there telling him of things worse than ending up somewhere.
And that Home was not Home.
It terrified him. Confused him.
Still, in some strange way, he wasn't surprised.
He sat unmoving and were his eyes to see, it could have been said that he was staring off into space. He didn't care.
This wasn't home.
Even if he'd left a candle in the third floor window and cleaned the place 'til it shone, he wasn't there. He was here and this was not home.
Renne's mind soon drifted into the past -- the distant past, when he'd first run across the place.
It was rosy with its share of thorns.
And he'd have had it no other way except in one thing.
He could have been stronger.
Still, he came back.
Was welcomed back.
He thought on that for a while. Years and experience by then had both stripped away and given him things.
He no longer walked upright. His English had fallen into terrible disuse.
He looked like his true self. No longer could he put on any sort of facade to appear more humanlike.
That was all right.
He'd learned to be careful -- too careful almost -- and autonomous. He learned to be alone.
And that was not all right.
He was welcomed back in the cold of winter.
And told that Home was not Home in the warm light of summer.
It was wrong.
It felt wrong.
He kept on thinking. There wasn't much else he could do, really. So his mind wandered on and turned to darker, hazier paths.
There, his mind stopped.
He wasn't ready for an Analysis. Not yet.
It was too soon.
Far too soon.
-You will not Analyse?-
No.
-Why not?-
I cannot. It is too soon.
-You must.-
I will. Not now.
-Explain.-
His thoughts stopped again. Indeed, why couldn't he Analyse? Why couldn't he dissect the thoughts that so disturbed him? Why couldn't he pick apart and overcome the thoughts of abandonment and letting someone down?
He knew his own answer even as he remembered the night Harold had confronted him.
My hero is gone.
No More Heroes
"Devotion is as a double-edged blade. Mighty in its strength that exacts a high price."
He was trapped. Again.
And he was alone. Again.
He hadn't moved since he'd been put on the cell bed -- he hadn't dared try to move else he might try to escape. Which all instincts demanded that he do.
Harold was dead.
Not-dead.
Dead and not-dead.
He'd come to the Maritime and spoke of insidious things -- murders unremembered. Acts that disgusted him even if he couldn't remember doing them. The description was right but it frightened him.
He had written in his journal of ending up in strange places without the knowledge of getting to them.
And now, his hero -- dead and not-dead -- stood there telling him of things worse than ending up somewhere.
And that Home was not Home.
It terrified him. Confused him.
Still, in some strange way, he wasn't surprised.
He sat unmoving and were his eyes to see, it could have been said that he was staring off into space. He didn't care.
This wasn't home.
Even if he'd left a candle in the third floor window and cleaned the place 'til it shone, he wasn't there. He was here and this was not home.
Renne's mind soon drifted into the past -- the distant past, when he'd first run across the place.
It was rosy with its share of thorns.
And he'd have had it no other way except in one thing.
He could have been stronger.
Still, he came back.
Was welcomed back.
He thought on that for a while. Years and experience by then had both stripped away and given him things.
He no longer walked upright. His English had fallen into terrible disuse.
He looked like his true self. No longer could he put on any sort of facade to appear more humanlike.
That was all right.
He'd learned to be careful -- too careful almost -- and autonomous. He learned to be alone.
And that was not all right.
He was welcomed back in the cold of winter.
And told that Home was not Home in the warm light of summer.
It was wrong.
It felt wrong.
He kept on thinking. There wasn't much else he could do, really. So his mind wandered on and turned to darker, hazier paths.
There, his mind stopped.
He wasn't ready for an Analysis. Not yet.
It was too soon.
Far too soon.
-You will not Analyse?-
No.
-Why not?-
I cannot. It is too soon.
-You must.-
I will. Not now.
-Explain.-
His thoughts stopped again. Indeed, why couldn't he Analyse? Why couldn't he dissect the thoughts that so disturbed him? Why couldn't he pick apart and overcome the thoughts of abandonment and letting someone down?
He knew his own answer even as he remembered the night Harold had confronted him.
My hero is gone.