Melancholy and sadness are the start of doubt... doubt is the beginning of despair; despair is the cruel beginning of the differing degrees of wickedness.
--Comte de Lautreamont
Melancholy
Sigh.
To be caught up in a sea of people and to wonder?am I good enough? People hug, tug, fuss, and smother but what does that all mean when one is blue? How many words are there for this feeling? She did not know them all, but they were there wrapped up in a pink dress, blonde curls, and blue eyes filled with the barely contained grey clouds of storm. The rain had not yet broken free to run down rosy cheeks.
Sigh.
These emotions have overtaken her before, but that had been unexpected and she had been unprepared. The dreams of Rhydin had been let loose from the asylum of the minds of the populace?only hers had not been dreams. Something inside her, the core, had been broken. Her emotions that had only manifested in small ways but that had mostly been held in check or hidden had become free. The emotions took over the asylum and ran rampant through the streets. Each one looked just like the keeper, but each was just a different part of her. Some never even left the safety of the Little Cottage. Eventually they had all returned and she had been made whole again knowing now what real emotion was.
Sigh.
She had learned that some emotions really cause trouble. Is that why I am not good enough? Glum. Dreary. Gloom. Lonely.
Her friends Fin and Jigglypuff had stayed the night to snuggle and keep away the gloomy chills. She had pretended to be happy for them until they had to leave. Everyone has to leave. She did not venture outside after they left. She merely shut the door, shut the windows and blocked out the sun as she sat and stared at the mirror. Wide stormy blue eyes threatened to let the rain fall. What she saw did not match what was in the mirror. A mess. She saw someone better for darkened corners and unworthy. Someone no one needed or wanted.
Sigh.
Melancholy was one of those emotions she never did really understand. She remembered the feelings of intense sadness, the tears on her cheeks, and the wish that it would all simply go away. We could have stayed gone. Some emotions, however, simply had to run the course and eventually pass. But does it ever really go away?
The sun had eventually passed and she never ventured outside. She simply sat and stared at the mess she saw in the mirror. Her flowers whispered of the gloom lingering over the Little Cottage and of their mistress within. The flowers shared the gossip among all the flowers that Taneth had planted and grown through the town. Some, if they were ever so careful, just might catch a bit of the gossip. The flowers notice me.
As the sun began to dip and the moon began to rise, she thought of the story Aoife had shared of the love between the sun and moon. I might fail them as I do everyone. Even she had doubts and insecurities. The storm clouds broke and the raindrop tears slid down rosy cheeks into the pale pink fabric of her nightgown. Her hands wringing themselves into knots. The gulping swallows of breath as she tried not to lose herself completely to desolation. So lonely. Teardrops caught on her eyelashes and created a crystalline vision as she stared at her Melancholy and sobbed for the heartbreak she felt.
Sigh.
The moon was high and she needed to venture out eventually. Everything had to look perfect and normal. I am not like everyone else. She knew she was different and knew she was treated differently. No one understands. She knows the looks and knows that not everyone is truthful. She was highly more aware than she wanted others to know.
Sigh.
The weeping continued as she lethargically rose from her chair and began to ready herself for a night in town. No one will see me. Surrounded by so many with hugs and cheer passing through like a tidal wave, yet Melancholy can barely feel it. Lonely. She sucked in a breath and the last bit of weeping. No one liked to see her cry and often they cried too. Because I stole their happiness away. She could not cry for the sake of those that needed to be happy. She could not be Melancholy. She had to be Taneth. She had to be happiness, love, and cheer for them.
Sigh.
As she stood at the threshold of her door, she glanced back to the safety of her home. Lonely. She drew a breath in, wiped at the last few tears that had sneakily escaped and turned to exit as she shut the door behind her. Inside of herself, she wept for the heartbreak she felt. The heartbreak of not losing the love of another but of losing the love of herself to Melancholy.
Sigh.
--Comte de Lautreamont
Melancholy
Sigh.
To be caught up in a sea of people and to wonder?am I good enough? People hug, tug, fuss, and smother but what does that all mean when one is blue? How many words are there for this feeling? She did not know them all, but they were there wrapped up in a pink dress, blonde curls, and blue eyes filled with the barely contained grey clouds of storm. The rain had not yet broken free to run down rosy cheeks.
Sigh.
These emotions have overtaken her before, but that had been unexpected and she had been unprepared. The dreams of Rhydin had been let loose from the asylum of the minds of the populace?only hers had not been dreams. Something inside her, the core, had been broken. Her emotions that had only manifested in small ways but that had mostly been held in check or hidden had become free. The emotions took over the asylum and ran rampant through the streets. Each one looked just like the keeper, but each was just a different part of her. Some never even left the safety of the Little Cottage. Eventually they had all returned and she had been made whole again knowing now what real emotion was.
Sigh.
She had learned that some emotions really cause trouble. Is that why I am not good enough? Glum. Dreary. Gloom. Lonely.
Her friends Fin and Jigglypuff had stayed the night to snuggle and keep away the gloomy chills. She had pretended to be happy for them until they had to leave. Everyone has to leave. She did not venture outside after they left. She merely shut the door, shut the windows and blocked out the sun as she sat and stared at the mirror. Wide stormy blue eyes threatened to let the rain fall. What she saw did not match what was in the mirror. A mess. She saw someone better for darkened corners and unworthy. Someone no one needed or wanted.
Sigh.
Melancholy was one of those emotions she never did really understand. She remembered the feelings of intense sadness, the tears on her cheeks, and the wish that it would all simply go away. We could have stayed gone. Some emotions, however, simply had to run the course and eventually pass. But does it ever really go away?
The sun had eventually passed and she never ventured outside. She simply sat and stared at the mess she saw in the mirror. Her flowers whispered of the gloom lingering over the Little Cottage and of their mistress within. The flowers shared the gossip among all the flowers that Taneth had planted and grown through the town. Some, if they were ever so careful, just might catch a bit of the gossip. The flowers notice me.
As the sun began to dip and the moon began to rise, she thought of the story Aoife had shared of the love between the sun and moon. I might fail them as I do everyone. Even she had doubts and insecurities. The storm clouds broke and the raindrop tears slid down rosy cheeks into the pale pink fabric of her nightgown. Her hands wringing themselves into knots. The gulping swallows of breath as she tried not to lose herself completely to desolation. So lonely. Teardrops caught on her eyelashes and created a crystalline vision as she stared at her Melancholy and sobbed for the heartbreak she felt.
Sigh.
The moon was high and she needed to venture out eventually. Everything had to look perfect and normal. I am not like everyone else. She knew she was different and knew she was treated differently. No one understands. She knows the looks and knows that not everyone is truthful. She was highly more aware than she wanted others to know.
Sigh.
The weeping continued as she lethargically rose from her chair and began to ready herself for a night in town. No one will see me. Surrounded by so many with hugs and cheer passing through like a tidal wave, yet Melancholy can barely feel it. Lonely. She sucked in a breath and the last bit of weeping. No one liked to see her cry and often they cried too. Because I stole their happiness away. She could not cry for the sake of those that needed to be happy. She could not be Melancholy. She had to be Taneth. She had to be happiness, love, and cheer for them.
Sigh.
As she stood at the threshold of her door, she glanced back to the safety of her home. Lonely. She drew a breath in, wiped at the last few tears that had sneakily escaped and turned to exit as she shut the door behind her. Inside of herself, she wept for the heartbreak she felt. The heartbreak of not losing the love of another but of losing the love of herself to Melancholy.
Sigh.