It was a plain leather bound book. Nothing special about it. No pretty pictures. No fancy words on the front. But it was kept safely tucked away with a pen.


Huh. A journal. I've never kept one of these before. Never had a reason to before. I'm use to cruising through life without feeling the need to reflect on it by putting it down on paper. Someone once said I was going to worry myself to death over things I can't fix. Perhaps they're right. Now, even more so.

There was an election for governor here recently. At first I didn't think much of it. G'nort was the only candidate I had heard about, so I thought it was just some silly thing he made up to get attention. But then Talomar announced he was running too. I didn't think those two even knew each other. It's likely they hadn't until this. I tried to help G'nort, since I thought the idea of Tal having a position that had even suggested power deplorable. But the man was so infuriating! Trying to get him to actually get to KNOW these people was impossible! He appeared about as sincere as.. well.. a politician. When I shared my frustrations with a few of my friends in the Red Dragon, Alysia suggested I run too. I'm still not sure what possessed me to do it, but I did. Can't say I tried too hard. I'm lousy at speeches or wild campaigning. The idea of mudslinging made my stomach turn. All I did was hand out some buttons my sister had made up and then just continue my life as normal. And yet... I won.

I'm still in a bit of shock over winning. Truth be told, I don't know if I'm even qualified for this job. But then again, what *is* my job? I'm the first governor Rhydin's ever had. There's no prelaid out plan. I'm forging out a completely knew path. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to hack my way through a jungle with little more than a little pocket knife. The Oracle wants me to start sending them a report every month. I'm not sure how well I'll do at this. I have the journalistic skills of a rock. Thankfully Jewell has agreed to help edit and clean up the mess I'm likely to send her.

Taneth has been acting strange lately. I thought once I got her to go to sleep, she would improve. It doesn't seem to be helping. I'm so worried about her. I wish I knew what to do.

Tass is acting odd too. He's... cold. Distant. I'm not sure if there's actually something wrong, or it's just a part of him that's taken over so he can better protect Jewell in her time of need. But since nobody else has the answers, all I can do is wait.

Jewell lost Skyler. That Tommy guy killed him. Another thing I wish I could fix. Technically I could go down into the Land of the Dead and strike a deal with Beeze. After all, I brought him the caged spirits of two wyverns that were taking over dragons and one demon that was taking over that Fomir fellow. Haven't seen him in awhile. I wonder how he's getting along. He's the only other moredhel I've seen in this town that's not a relative. Anyway, if I go down and get Skyler's spirit to bring back... would he *want* to come back? I can't make the guy return if he doesn't want to. Chryrie could do the resurrection, but if the spirit doesn't wish to return to the body, it's pointless. At least, that's what she tells me.

In more pleasant news, I do have a boyfriend. How odd for me to be writing this. Boyfriend. Something I never thought I'd have again. His name is Vrastiel. He use to be the Mask, but after he had me break his mask, that changed. He's very sweet to me. It's nice to be romanced instead of simply playing. I was worried the fact that I'm not monogamous by nature would be a problem, but he said it wasn't. He said he didn't wish to change something he knew was a part of me long before he ever met me. The last person I was monogamous to was Maddock. Sometimes I still miss him. Even if we didn't make the greatest couple, he was still a wonderful friend.

Chryrie got married to that drow of hers. CKalb. I like him. He seems very stable, unlike his brother Knite. Hopefully this one won't die or disappear on her.

Now I have to go do governor type stuff.

It's been a long time since I wrote. I never was good at keeping up with these things.

My moredhel brother Kalentor had poisoned my coffee. It left me in this weird coma. I could hear everything that went on around me, but I couldn't move, speak, or even reach out with my mind. I was trapped inside my head. It sucked.

Luse and Icer killed Kalentor. Just as well. He was never any real brother to me. He wanted all of us dead anyway. Me, Chry, the kids. He was a purist and considered us an abomination of moredhel kind. Gorath of Ardania's betrayal and helping the humans against us only fed into his hatred of half breeds. Technically I'm not a half breed, but the changes I've gone through...

Chryrie got help from Rhaine to figure out what poisons he used. It was a mixture of things far more technically advanced than Midkemia has and silverthorn. Tass donated some of his marrow to help wash out what was in my system. Chry said it was in my very bones.

Tass... right after he helped me, he was kidnapped by the lawyers. They knew he was weak and they took advantage of it. I feel like it's my fault. Like if I had somehow managed to avoid all this, he wouldn't be missing now. I can still feel him in my mind. When I was comatose he told me he would never leave me. So far he's been true to his word. I'm hoping soon I'll be able to get a better grasp on where he is. Maybe he'll gather enough strength to give me a clue. I feel lost with him gone. This is foreign to me. Chry said he and I are bonded now, and it's only natural to feel this way. When the hell did she get so smart?

Something happened when Chry put that marrow into my system. I'm not sure what all the consequences are. Physically the changes are few. My eyes changed color. My claws are much harder to file down. Changing to full moredhel takes more concentration. But those are small trivial things. Ever since that night I've been having the strangest dreams. Visions of things I cannot explain. Perhaps it's best that I can't. I don't know. When I get angry I feel something building up in the back of my head. I don't know what it is. I'm constantly having to calm myself down because I'm afraid to find out. What if I just up and hurt everyone around me because I can't control it? Perhaps when we get him back, he can help me with it.

When. I must say when. There cannot be any ifs in this.

Vras has been acting oddly. He's gone for months at a time, and then he came back recently only to act strange. I thought he was being jealous, and yelled at him for it. Chry said she spoke to him and it's because he's lost his extra hearing, so he was confused. She said it would be similar to my losing my psionic abilities. I feel kinda bad now, but he hasn't returned so I could apologize. Although I have felt a distance there.

Darkmere has been unusually nice to me. He said he was tired of watching people pat me on the shoulder and that was it. He said I needed someone to hold me while I dealt with trying to find Tass. I suppose he's right. Although I don't think Tass cares much for him. Dark tried to give me a necklace that would let me call on him, much like my marbles. But when he tried to put it on me, I was filled with this.. feeling. Like I shouldn't do let him do it. And then I heard his voice.. Tass's voice. He said I don't need trinkets. I tried so hard to latch onto that flair and strengthen the link, but I couldn't.

I just want him back.

It won't be long now. Just a little over a month and I'll no longer be "Governor" Kitty Helston. I can go back to being just Kitty.

Not a moment too soon. My emotions have been going insane the past couple weeks. There was an old woman in the Inn telling fortunes. She could see how I almost died. She saw how Tass saved me. She believes my emotional turmoil is caused by his blood in my veins. She's probably right. I don't know.

What really picked at my brain was when she started talking about how dragons are territorial and how they mate for life. Him and I are not mates. So why should it be an issue? But it picked at me. After all, maybe mating is so different for dragons than it is for moredhel to the point I wouldn't even know how to recognize it?

We briefly discussed it last night. It wasn't a real serious discussion. He seemed more amused by the whole thing than anything. Better that way, I think. I'm sure it's not anything he'd want. My gods, who in their right mind would want to be mated to me?

And what the hell is going on with me that I'd consider this? I already did the whole marriage thing once.

I have indeed lost my mind.