Topic: Visitations (closed)

Kruger · Date: 2013-11-24 19:45 EST

The ceiling in the nursery had changed in the few hours he had spent. From his arms the silence and a pair of amber eyes. He pointed out the nine different colored stars within the many he had pinned up. They were handmade, his own rendition of a constellation. Far off in the corner was a moon The smith had looked for what he thought was right, what would fit within the room and mean something. ?You see, those red stars Niko?they are Ara, the altar. They appear in Greece at the coming of winter. Winter is coming young one, cold and barren for some of us. Never for you though I think.?

He didn?t care how he sounded, he only cared that the world seemed smaller today than it had for a long time. He found a rocking chair and sat in it lightly. ?There will be many stories to come from me, and more about me I suppose. You have never been part of what happened, never let anyone make you believe it is so.?

The light cooing noise came from the lips of Nikolai as he tried to shove his entire fist into his mouth. ?Children?they forgive easily. I don?t ask forgiveness, or even understanding.? Kruger took one finger and slid it across Nikolai?s forehead. The callused digit couldn?t really feel the skin of the child save that something was there and offered resistance.

He rocked the child holding him there as the sun fell away and the light of the world darkened and went with it. The stars on the ceiling began their luminous glow of yellow-green. Nine however glowed red and were in a shape that the world would see as Ara, the altar. Kruger only saw it as what it was to him, the anvil and the place where Nikolai could always find him.

Kruger did his best to ignore the voices downstairs, he couldn?t hear them well enough to even speculate if they were about him. If he allowed that speculation he would convince himself it could be nothing else. Better to simply believe it and know that he deserved whatever was being said. He rose noticing that Nikolai was in a deep slumber. As much as he wanted to put him into the crib he left the nursery and slipped sideways through the door to the master bedroom.

It was bizarre walking in here, knowing the room so well and feeling like a stranger in it. Could it be otherwise? Nikolai went into the bassinette with no issues, Kruger straightened and looked out the window into the place where his forge once stood. The answer laid there in the emptiness. There was little need to pretend that he was anything close to the man who had built the forge. He resembled the scattered remains of the little building, an eyesore and a thing to be removed.

He laid a pouch on the nightstand that used to mark his side of the bed. It was heavy with the coin inside. He was sure she would find it, that she would use it as needed. It was true that she had more than enough wealth to go around, just as it was true he had never wanted it to be assumed that was why he was there.

Kruger looked down at the baby one last time and wanted to touch him. He knew that would wake him and resisted the urge. He slipped quietly from the room and down the stairs, the parlor was crossed quietly. He knelt to put on his boots, the voices were clearer now still he chose not to eaves drop. He pulled a coat round himself and ducked quietly outside. He knelt down to Sophie and whispered to her to let the lady know he had gone and that Nikolai slept. The silence of the road took him not long after passing through the gates. There would always be questions he figured, wonderings of what should be and what he had brought about. ?Winter is coming??

Shai Vevea · Date: 2013-11-25 11:42 EST

Keenly aware of Kruger being upstairs', Shai busied herself with Rochelle in the parlor and sipped at her drink. Regardless of anything that happened between the two of them, it did not concern their son and she was grateful he was in fact present.

Minute by minute. Anything more than that, she felt entirely overwhelmed. Her focus had to be within the present if she was going to make any strides forward.

Catching the looks from Rochelle every now and then, the Italian woman still did not know how to help the situation. Perhaps no one could. It simply was.

Minute by minute.

From the corner of her eye, Shai saw Kruger and heard his word's. "Oui, winter is coming. I wonder if it will snow early as it did last year. Walk safely." Her whisper barely audible, the front door closed silently and she finished off her cognac.

Making her way upstairs', Shai peeked in on Nikolai who was sleeping soundly and was going to close the nursery door, but something caught her eye before she could do so. Stepping inside, her gaze was drawn to the ceiling and she was stunned.

Venturing into the middle of the room, she could not believe what she was seeing.

Altars feature frequently in Greek legend, for heroes were always making sacrifices to the gods, so it is not surprising to find an altar among the stars. But this altar is a special one, for it was used by the gods themselves to swear a vow of allegiance before their fight against the Titans, according to Eratosthenes and Manilius. That clash was one of the most significant events in Greek myth.

At that time the ruler of the Universe was Cronus, one of the 12 Titans. Cronus had overthrown his father, Uranus, but it was prophesied that he would in turn be deposed by one of his own sons. In a desperate attempt to forestall the prophesy, Cronus swallowed his children as they were born: Hestia, Demeter, Hera, Hades and Poseidon, all ultimately destined to become gods and goddesses. At last, his wife, Rhea, could not bear to see any more children swallowed. She smuggled the next child, Zeus, to the cave of Dicte in Crete and gave Cronus a stone to swallow instead, telling him it was the infant Zeus.

On Crete, Zeus grew up safely. When he reached maturity he returned to his father?s palace and forced Cronus to vomit up the children he had swallowed, who emerged as fully grown gods and goddesses. Zeus and his brother gods then set up an altar and vowed on it to overthrow the callous rule of Cronus and the other Titans.

The battle went on for year's.

Ara was also depicted as the alter on which Centaurus is about to sacrifice Lupus, the wolf.

Shai wrapped her arm's about herself and it could never be determined how long she stood there, but it was a great deal of time before she found herself in her bedroom next door.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, his side, the side she always found herself upon, the sack was noted. It was not touched, not now. She knew why it was there.

Shai felt as if she may have been reading into the constellation cluster on the ceiling too much. She remembered a conversation her and Kruger had at one time. They had been having a midnight picnic on the backside of Belglade. As she recalled, they spent near the entire night out there, just talking and the matter of the Ara came up. Much like it did when they had traveled together to Greece.

It was all so very bittersweet.

Kruger · Date: 2013-11-25 23:59 EST

On the floor lay Kruger, though he was far from alone. The baby was there too, with an ear to his chest and the rumble of the smith?s voice in his ear. Time, he didn?t control time but how easy it was to use it to his own purposes. Tonight time was spent rather than gained. ?Listen Niko?and listen well, for the world will tell you many things. In heaven there are mysteries and stories. There are pantheons aplenty and enough myths that few can decipher truth from what is made up. Here is what I know?later, another time we will go into what I believe.?

?War is not, nor has it ever been the invention of man. We are a pale mirror to that which the gods created for us. I do speak truly, and no one shall gainsay me on this. Look to those myths my son, and see. One thing follows so very often, in heaven there was a war. Does it matter which heaven? Not to me, one and the same they all could be. What matters is the war itself, uprisings sons killing fathers and brothers killing each other. To say god is love is a lie, god is not love, god is power and jealousy. What makes them most jealous is feeling frightened of another?s power. So the gods warred amongst themselves, each to their own a leader taken, and in every case one side cast out.? Kruger shifted slightly one hand slipped from Nikolai to cradle his own head.

?History teaches, that is what the world will tell you but history is written by the victor. The victor can never see their own point of view as evil. Truth my son is subjected to scrutiny by those who will allow the telling. It is censored and written that those who have power will always wear the light of righteousness. I do not believe there is righteousness, there is no ultimate good because both sides are wicked. It becomes a choice Niko, a choice that is made by mortals. What do we do? Whom do we support?? Kruger?s fingers caressed Nikolai?s back through the bundling that Shai had put on him.

?It?s an interesting thing, I don?t know how many believe as I do. Yes I follow my goddess, but my decisions are based on what I see, and where I wish to place my support. There will be choices that you need to make, though you cannot understand yet. Decisions that none will understand and some will give you their own brand of hell for. One day the hammers will pass to you, I have no greater or more terrible legacy to give than Purgatory. I give you torment, but in turn it is the freedom to decide your own course. Follow not blindly my son?do not become the pawn of those who would rule. Be the balance, be the fulcrum and let realms rise and fall by your choices?Niko?be more than a simple sheep. Be greater than the hunting wolf. Be the forest, or the desert?be everything and nothing by your own choice?then live free.? Kruger?s eyes closed against the feelings that welled inside of him. He would not be governed by them here and now.

His gentle stroking of Nikolai?s back stopped, his hand was resting lightly on the back of the baby. With closed eyes and a bit of the exhaustion he felt himself drifting to sleep along with Nikolai. ?nil desperandum, Niko?nil mortalibus ardui est.? Never despair, Niko?Nothing is impossible for human kind. His breathing slowed, somewhere within him was the instinct to keep his hand upon the baby even as time and conscious thoughts drifted away from him.

Shai Vevea · Date: 2013-11-26 07:55 EST

Her bedroom door open, Shai took comfort in the fact that Kruger was in the nursery with Nikolai, not too far away. Unable to hear a lot of what was being said, she could make out certain things, but not all. That which she understood, causing her to pause in the task before her there at the writing desk.

There was a certain wisdom in what the Blacksmith was telling their son. It flowed so easily for him, unlike the hesitancy as of late in his tone, his words, his thought pattern's. They were scattered mostly, but this night, they were right on the line and one could not deny his heart was present and his thought's were clear.

?History teaches, that is what the world will tell you but history is written by the victor. The victor can never see their own point of view as evil. Truth my son is subjected to scrutiny by those who will allow the telling. It is censored and written that those who have power will always wear the light of righteousness. I do not believe there is righteousness, there is no ultimate good because both sides are wicked. It becomes a choice Niko, a choice that is made by mortals. What do we do? Whom do we support??

No truer word's spoken. The quill set nearby, Shai was struck by the memory of her own father speaking to her and stating not exactly, but pretty close to what Kruger had said. It was true, all of it. We will all be under the scrutiny that is ill received. There is a control that some just seem to place down upon other's, without thought, without regard, all for their ultimate good of their own belief system. Foregoing the fact that we are individual's. So to which side do we lean? That is a personal choice, one that could be changed at anytime. In essence, does that make us as individual's, the victor? Perhaps', but oft time's, not.

While her father had thought his harlot of a daughter, hadn't listened to him, she had in fact heard every word he had spoken.

'The right action contains its own propaganda and needs no other", her father had said. 'It's the same with all these movements, societies, or sects, they waste their time and energies saying what everybody ought to do, but if they themselves were to act up to their own principles that would be sufficient and arresting propaganda. Truth needs no publicity other than itself and like a small stone thrown into a pond, its ripples will in time inevitably reach the circumference. The only thing to consider is the solidity and the weight of the stone...'

Lost in her own thought's, Shai was not certain when Kruger had stopped speaking, but suddenly it was very quiet. Generally, Kruger brought Nikolai back into her room's, but this was not the case. Surely, he didn't leave without doing so.

Wrapping a robe around her frame, Shai looked around the corner into the nursery and drew in a deep breath as she spied the sleeping duo there on the floor. This image she had seen in her own mind, many, many times before. It was near surreal in the witnessing of such an epic picture. They both looked so peaceful, so content and warm.

Pressing a finger to her lips, a long while was spent watching them before she turned to retrieve a thick blanket from the end of the bed. Careful to not wake either of them, Shai crouched down and placed it snuggly, atop the two and tucked it in to assure Nikolai wouldn't somehow roll off of his father, onto the floor.

Regarding them a moment longer, the door was partially closed and Shai retired for the evening.

Kruger · Date: 2013-11-27 07:50 EST

Kruger unlocked the door to the forge, and considered the keys before putting them away. He could have kept going, headed on through the city and found his bed in Warrior House. There was time though and he had already slept. It was perhaps best to get in a few hours of work.

Nikolai had woken him, Kruger shook his head as he realized what had happened. At no point had he expected to fall asleep on the nursery floor. The blanket over them spoke of someone having found them. He knew who it was, understood that it was by her will that the baby had stayed with the smith for that extended time. It still wasn?t right though. Flames rushed to life as he unbanked coals and fed new fuel into them. Nikolai had woken him, the thought went through his head again even as the shirt he wore came off. It was wet, but what could you expect from an infant? That had been the source of his discomfort, that and the empty belly.

Kruger had changed Niko quietly as he could though the room was dark. The cries must have woken someone. He heard shifting in the hallway. Rochelle perhaps, or Shai? He wasn?t sure he was ready for either. Not at this late hour, not in so familiar a way. The figure at the door was cloaked in darkness but he could tell it was Shai. Kruger licked his lips before beginning. ?He?s changed?but hungry.? There was little more to say as he handed Niko over to her and slipped past. He hurried down the steps as quietly as he could. Had she said something about he must be hungry too? He couldn?t recall if she had, he couldn?t recall if he was either.

When was the last time he had eaten? Regular meals were always a rarity for the smith but lately he just never really felt hungry. He looked at his hands, ones that hours ago had held the baby in them. Strange how the ache could go away in that little room with Niko on his chest listening as only the very young can. Be the forest, or the desert?be everything and nothing by your own choice?then live free. Kruger stared for a moment longer before reaching to pull down a hammer and tie an apron around his bare torso. ?Be what I can?t.?

Kruger · Date: 2013-12-03 09:19 EST

His return would come, it seemed to come more frequently now than it had for some time. It was Kruger?s silences that made the arrivals different. It was a single mindedness that had him spending time with Nikolai. It was here that the uncertainty of his path left him. Perhaps the reason for this was that Niko wasn?t a part of the path, he was the reason. It wouldn?t do to ask the smith, who had no idea about his life. What he knew was that the world was on the move and he was moving with it, except for here.

Nikolai?s eyes looked attentively at Kruger who couldn?t help but smile under that scrutiny. ?Lessons, Niko, life will be full of lessons. The funny thing is there are no right answers there is only what you are comfortable with and what you are not.? The nursery was empty save for the two of them, every so often he would hear things outside the room. Kruger left the door open purposely, he hid nothing from any who would dare look at his intentions.

?Already you have been told of my feelings on good and evil. Right and wrong have similar issues. It is hard to know what is right or wrong about a decision when you only have the moment to decide in. If you could look ahead Niko, and see all the paths that spread before this decision that would help.? He looked away from those eyes for a moment, judging his own recent decisions and still not knowing which were right and which were wrong. When he looked back his lips were pressed together with determination. ?The problem is Niko for every argument there is a counter argument.

The wise man sees them both and can decide. Not me though my son. I am no wise man, I am the passionate man who makes a choice because it feels like the right one. This has caused me no end of trouble I assure you. If I suddenly changed though, what would have been accomplished? Would there be an Abri nan syel lal or a Belglade? Would there be a Kruger?s Exotic? If these were missing what else would go missing? I do not ask forgiveness to any because the things I say are not confessions. I tell what I do that is all, and those who would condemn fall aside out of my path and into memory.?

If he worried over speaking to the infant this way it didn?t seem to show. The child didn?t react poorly to the intensity with which Kruger spoke either. He just kept those eyes on Kruger?s face looking at his lips as the moved and listening to the sounds that came from him. ?It happens Niko, decisions that seem right at the time give disastrous consequences. I have made my share of those, but I am no oracle, I am not a seer of the future. I will not decide coldly unless I have no other choice. Let your passion flow Niko?love so hard that every breath hurts...live in moments that are extraordinary and regret nothing except the endings.?

Kruger had to look away again this time he almost couldn?t compose himself. When his eyes closed the lashes were moist against his skin but he would not release that here. ?May you know what it is to feel everything, my son.?

Kruger · Date: 2013-12-05 21:15 EST

Silent promises, it was those that seemed to weigh on his mind tonight. The ones spoken aloud were broken so often. He barely trusted himself anymore to speak a promise aloud. The ones inside though, they hurt to even think on. He pushed thoughts like that from his mind though, it didn?t matter what was going on outside now, here in the nursery he had time right where he wanted it. He had Nikolai, and he had nothing to worry over but his words. There would be more warping of time when he made it back to the forge. There would be the bending and flexing of steel and the slowing of the clock to suit his needs.

?Belief, Niko, I told you we would find a time to discuss what I believe. The gods, there will be those who believe that they don?t believe in gods, but I tell you Niko, it doesn?t matter what you call them they are still gods. I may call to Brigid, or I may call to any deity in any pantheon. I am free to do so my son. Those who look at me and ask how I can know that I am right will get the same answers. ?Brigid is my word for your science, it is my word for your sorceries. I believe in her, I believe in the energy of all things. Others will look at their ability to see and to define, they will point at their discoveries and say ?see, science is everything.? I will simply look and see that every little discovery they name and exalt is simply another god in a pantheon. A smaller messenger, an angel to the Christian, or a javelin to the heron. Their need to prove themselves correct only makes them a zealot of a different sort.?

His face lit up as he looked down at the child in his arms and continued to rock. ?Niko, I am free to believe in their science, and sorcery as well. To see it for what it is and use it for my own. The need of men to say my way is the only way is one of the biggest problems you will ever know. Everything is energy Niko, time is limited, it flows in a circle and can be overtaken. What I believe my son is that the sphere is universal, and it touches all things. The forces that pull at everything need some kind of structure. When all is said and done, there is nothing out there to adhere to, and eventually everything adheres to itself, in a perfect balance. Blow a bubble it becomes a sphere. A single drop of water as it falls, before it impacts, is a sphere. This world we live on, the moons above. Don?t you see my son? When there is nothing left to cling to, we come back to ourselves. Each of us has such a sphere of influence. Others will call it an aura. They are all things of beauty.? Kruger?s callused index finger slid across Niko?s little hand. Tiny fingers grabbed hold of it and pulled it to his mouth.

?The maker can alter the sphere, and one day you will understand pearlite and martensite if that is your wish. For now it should be enough to know that with the right tools I could reforge the universe. With the right desire I could begin and end everything. This I believe Niko, the question isn?t if I could, but where would it happen?? The boy struggled a bit and gave an angry cry that there was nothing coming from the finger he had shoved into his mouth. Kruger rose with Nikolai and set off in search of Shai.

Kruger · Date: 2013-12-13 09:24 EST

The child in his arms looked up at him, that wasn?t unusual sitting here with him in the nursery. Kruger was quiet though, that was less usual. Kruger seemed in deep thought over Nikolai searching his face for something though he couldn?t tell you what. The words would come, and when they did he wasn?t so sure they would make any sense to anyone, let alone the child. That was the case from time to time his mind working so quickly over a problem that he wound up asking questions in circles all the way around it over and over again.

?There is a barrier Niko, one that few understand. I do though in a strange way. I open the holes and things come through. Sometimes I wonder if the problems that arise have anything to do with that. I could try to justify, I could try to disseminate. The truth is son that I don?t know. Most of the time good things flow, and nothing occurs that could be considered out of the ordinary. Sometimes though without knowing things come back to you. I wouldn?t change what I do though, I have to see another do it in the same way... Ahnika perhaps though I haven?t seen her yet.? He shifted as he remembered the ebon warlock, his daughter though not. She came from across that barrier too in a way, though it wasn?t his tunnel that brought her here. This was Rhydin though, many were here that came from elsewhere.

?I worry sometimes, small things like is the hand I place this in going to use it? Will it take one that I love? Will it take me? I could live with that last one, you?ll pardon the pun I hope, Niko. I have fought before though, I will do so again. It falls back to choices though, I can do many things son. I can create weapons of great power, I can bring them to life in their owner?s hand. I have yet to be able to put the life back into a body. Any life I give to it will be nothing like what it was. I could perhaps find that forge that recreates the universe, there I can do all things. Here I am just a man, mages will claim the ability to bring that spirit back. I think it loses something in the transition. Part of it just stays where it went. Better to let them fall, and return once again only whole.? He paused for a moment in his ramblings.

?There is no pain like that which tears you up inside Niko. I am not afraid of it, I am however growing used to it. How many pieces do we get to have? One of me for every forge and a forge for every one of me? Niko, you will learn my legacy one day. If you wish to follow, I will lead. I will lead.? He continued speaking softly the child moving every now and then to get a better look at the speaker. Time was still moving, but he had made up enough that he had it to spare tonight. Time to finish speaking forges and quantum tunnels, Niko just kept looking, soaking in everything Kruger could say.

Kruger · Date: 2013-12-20 04:37 EST

Kruger laid Niko into his bassinette, the child was sleeping peacefully. The smith it seemed hadn?t finished though. He looked around the master bedroom from his place near the foot of the large bed. Niko?s bed was separated from the larger one, it was on the right side some six feet away from the bed itself. Not too close, not too far either. Kruger found a place on the floor to sit. He pressed his back next to the wall and looked at the white woven bed.

He listened for several minutes to the breaths of the infant within before speaking softly. ?Honor is a funny thing Niko. You will see it one day men who profess themselves honorable. Those words have never fallen from my lips. I do not understand honor. It has been pinned to me a time or two. Your mother once thought me honorable, I am not, I am simply flawed and unafraid of that flaw. I wonder what she believes now sometimes.? He shook his head and leaned it back against the wall.

Kruger let his eyes close while he concentrated on whatever it was he was trying to say. ?What is honor Niko? Some would say it was keeping you word?he honors his word. That?s something foolish though isn?t it? I promise I won?t tell the city that you plan to blow it up. If I were honorable then I could tell no one?of course if I tell then the people might call me honorable because I told. There is no truth Niko, honor is never what you believe, it is what others believe of you. A heavy yoke that will imprison you to the whips of masters you may never even get the chance to see.? He was on what felt like a roll now, thoughts coming faster and clearer.

Even with his eyes closed he knew where the baby?s bed was. His hand was on the outside of it, callused fingers were feeling along the weave. ?I would prefer you to be free Nikolai, though free men get no claim to honor. They get more though, the chance to choose their own way. Look one day critically at the shops lining the marketplace. That is the life of a free man, to be able to look ahead and say today I will have a gyro. You do not pledge to the gyro maker though that you will arrive everyday to have the same thing. Tomorrow you may have a meat pie.?

Kruger shifted uncomfortably the next few words out of his mouth were more hesitant. ?I am not speaking of marriage that discussion is for a later time. In it I will have more admissions, further evidence against me I suppose. I am cruel son, I am wicked as well. Some may even give me other names. Perhaps they are right. Yet unlike they who would, I do not rush away into countries unknown. I do not become absentee and then expect to walk in and take over. I am here Niko, everyday here though you won?t really understand for many many years.?

The man sitting on the floor talking hoped he would understand too when it came time to explain. ?I?ve never minded struggle Nikolai. I still do not, but a life where such doesn?t exist I can?t understand. Perhaps your mother is right, and I punish myself. Maybe I have done things that deserve such punishments.? He pulled his knees up and hugged them to him. His forehead rested on his knees. Had there been a shadow in the door? He couldn?t say, and in the end he didn?t mind anyway. His mind was eased, from that ease and the quiet he drifted to sleep still propped on the floor.

Shai Vevea · Date: 2013-12-30 18:24 EST

The storms are raging on the rolling sea...
And on the highway of regret....
The winds of change are blowing wild and free...

While it snowed quietly outside, the main house was full of scents and sounds that threatened to titillate the senses and wrap the body in a warmth that was comparable to none.

Kruger was upstairs' with Niko, Rochelle was in the kitchens cooking as she always was. Sophie was present that evening as well. The child had begged her father to allow her to stay over the night. You see, she was aiding Rochelle in the preparation's for their Yule celebration. Gio had finally given in with a chuckle and gave his princess what she so desired.

Perched atop the chaise, Shai was busying herself with a stack of paperwork and was immersed in the written word. It was getting late and as she rose, silk robing was pulled tightly around her frame and she headed up the stairs.

Over the last weeks, Shai's emotional status had become just that. A status. So, it was when she heard Kruger speaking to their son, she had leaned there just at the door frame and listened. He spoke to Niko with such passion, conviction, perhaps even a lot of misunderstanding of himself. Tragic and near fore lorn, it pulled at her very core that she could not take it all away and give him the peace he so required. So deserved.

Did she see her husband as dishonorable? Absolutely not. She saw him as having no choice but to fight with this inner turmoil, these deep rooted demons that seemed to take him over and left him gasping for life.

Many perhaps would never understand, why she stood by him, even through the mind piercing pain that seemed to come from him. But did it truly come from him? Or did it come from a place that could never be imagined, even in the most wild of all dreams?

Shai loved this man, loved him in such a way that bordered on the line of being almost masochistic in a sense, to the untrained eye. Those eyes bore little consequence to her. She would not change anything other than the pain and turmoil he always seemed to be blanketed in. She would be there at every turn, if he so chose to allow her such. When he stepped from the flame, she would shroud him and ride out the wave that threatened to consume them all.

Marriage was not picking and choosing what a person wished to deal with. It was the good, it was the bad. Through the bad, the bond either broke or it became so cemented in place that nothing could threaten it. So many, at the first sign of issue, tucked tail and ran. Refusing to even consider the fact that all is not as it truly seems. There was more. Peel back the layers, find what hides beneath and allow it into the open. Did this lack hurt? Not in any context. But there must be strength and resolution that it will be overcome regardless if that matrimonial declaration, remained intact.

When all went quiet, only then did Shai peek into the suite and noted Kruger asleep there against the wall, with a small smile tugging at her lips. Careful in her footing, she shut the door and closed the distance to the bassinet, peeking in on Niko. Sound asleep and suckling at his lower lip, a caress met his cheek and she turned to tug up the afghan from the end of the bed. Draping it carefully over Kruger, a pause given as he shifted slightly with a grunt.

Extinguishing each lantern's light, lest one, it kept the shadows at bay but offered just enough light to see as she prepared herself for bed.

Slipping between the sheets, what she wouldn't give to have his arms around her, just once. How she missed his touch, his breath across her skin. How she longed for him to fill every crevice of her, with his scent. Instead, it was his pillow she wrapped lithe limbs around and drifted to sleep as tear's left her own pillow damp. Perhaps, there would be peace and contentment this night.

They were together....

Kruger · Date: 2014-01-01 08:00 EST

tabula rasa (Blank Slate/Scraped Tablet)

He woke to the sounds of Nikolai stirring in the bed above him. Kruger's back was stiff and the lower half of him prickled from sitting in one position for too long. He rose anyway though, lifting the infant from the cradle and carrying him into the nursery. Here he could change the boy, and look once again at the ten fingers and toes. The rocker offered a cushion for him to sit on, and the bundled child was wide awake. Two pairs of wheat colored eyes looked at each other. "Tabula rasa, In older times my son the romans would write on waxed wooden tablets. When they wanted to erase the words they simply scraped them from the tablet. In time it came to mean blank slate."

Kruger started to rock in what seemed to be a side effect of sitting in a rocking chair. He hadn't planned to begin, it simply happened. "That brings me to destiny Niko. Do not be fooled by anyone, you were born that blank slate. You will live and be filled as those ancient tablets. There is no fate as far as I can tell. I know that perhaps I could be accused of heresy for my thoughts, but I give them anyway. The Christians say that God has a plan for each of us. I don't recall asking him to give me one though. Maybe he should have come to me and asked if it was okay that I be led this way and that. I am singling out no one though Niko. To the North there are crazier gods than that. Odin who plucked out an eye so that he could see all. Half blind that would make him. In a battle he would have no depth perception. He would be easily flanked and I have to say Niko, I will not follow a man that flawed. How could I ever follow a god."

"Then there is Tyr, he gave up a hand, why? Because he was the only one that the great wolf trusted. Of course the wolf was the one that took it when he discovered the plotting of the others. A man can fight on with a single hand, certainly better than a one eyed god. But a man with one hand, his balance is off, always tilted in the direction of the whole arm. I believe that is a metaphor Niko, that Tyr can only see one side of any argument. I fear I need more flexibility than that. I believe you will too." Kruger spoke in a soothing baritone to the child. His voice in some places was easily missed. It blended with the things in the background and could become almost inaudible. In the quiet of the nursery though it had a lulling effect on any that, like Nikolai, might be listening.

"You ask of Thor? I can only believe that he gave up half his brain for his great strength. Professing his own greatness and then rather than think his way through a problem, he smashes it. I've done this myself from time to time. There is a certain satisfaction to it. It's no way to lead though. Flaws, it all comes back to flaws. How can I submit to a destiny created by a flawed being? Niko, this is not me saying that you shouldn't. It is me saying that now, right in this moment you are the very mold of potential. Yours though, you don't have to let your life be directed by the unseen." Kruger's callused palm covered the side of Nikolai's bundled head. He took a deep breath wondering if any of what he was saying would matter to the child in years to come.

"I know you don't understand my words. You have your own mind though Niko. It will flourish if you allow it to. Ask questions, develop beliefs, forge your own path. It may not make you as happy as following blindly, but you won't have to worry about low hanging branches either." Kruger's eyes slid from the child's face to the window. He would be out there soon, would leave quietly and find his way in the cold and dark. "There are difficult paths to walk Niko... Best to just put one foot before the other."

Kruger · Date: 2014-01-31 08:22 EST

"When I'm Gone"

There's another world inside of me that you may never see
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away, maybe I'm just blind ~ 3 Doors Down

Many things had kept him away, time the weather. Intentions to be there aren?t the same as being there. He was there now, always appreciative of the plate left waiting for him. The nursery was not so entertaining as it once had been, Niko thrived and like all children wanted to see more. There were plenty of things to chase though when dad would lay out on the floor and play. The dolls that talked in that odd voices as they came close to lick his nose were a particular favorite.

The taking of a bottle had changed some, Niko had grown and no longer wished to be swaddled so tightly. He would still lay there looking up, and Kruger still felt this was the best time to speak to the boy. ?Expectations, you will find them everywhere. I find them everywhere. I don?t always like not living up to them either. This place means a lot, though its meaning has changed several times. Most recently with your arrival.? Kruger shifted taking the bottle and putting the child to his shoulder to pat at his back until he burped.

?Part of me wants to say to you to avoid connections. The problem is that avoiding them is no life either. There will be pains Niko, bad ones and you will cause them as well as receive. It?s never good, or it always hurts. Still the way there is amazing, it will send you places that you can only pretend to know. I can?t say it son, not after telling you to live. A life with no connections is not a life. A life where you have failed to disappoint people is one that has no wisdom to provide.? The boy was drowsy, but his amber eyes still looked up at Kruger and smiled.

?I need you Nikolai, as much as you need me. That goes without saying. It?s funny, your mother she works towards this christening. I seek to walk in the darkness. I don?t want to be saved Niko, I never have. I am certainly unfit to save anyone else. I am unfit for so many things, I do one thing very well though Niko. I hurt people, whether through my work or through my deeds. I love you just doesn?t cover it sometimes.? Kruger looked at the floor, and gave a smile to his son before standing and laying him on his belly in the middle of a large thick blanket.

Niko wiggled up to his hands and knees even as Kruger was laying down with him and taking a brown teddy bear and placing it just beyond reach. The bear looked at Niko, and Kruger spoke gruffly as he made the bear dance and Niko reach for it. You?ll be standing soon, walking and getting into trouble. You may find it hard to get out of trouble once you begin.

"Maybe I'm just blind..."
http://images.usatoday.com/life/_photos/2003/2003-10/22-detective-inside.jpg
Image Credit: RDjr. The Singing Detective

Shai Vevea · Date: 2014-02-06 13:18 EST

The floorboards creaked, beneath Shai's step as she crossed from the master bedroom and then into the hallway, to come to a halt outside of the nursery. A slight lean taken on the door jam, she listened as Kruger spoke to Nikolai and cleared her throat when he grew quiet. Her voice that of a mere whisper, as to not startle him or their son.

"Kruger, before you leave this evening, I would like a moment of your time, if you're able."

Kruger, laid Nikolai in the crib, warmly bundled in his blankets. He had reacted to the creaking floor and the request with a nod and a curiosity that would only be satisfied once the moment came to talk with Shai. She wouldn't pull him from his time with Niko, that of course was good, but perhaps it said something else as well. He wouldn't analyze the reasons behind it. Who was he to even try to analyze her? The floor boards still creaked in all the same places. Despite their efforts that hadn't been found. Perhaps it served a better purpose as an alarm.

He couldn't figure out what to do with his hands. He stood in the doorway looking at Shai for a moment before his arms went across his chest. "Niko is sleeping, he took eight ounces and burped well. I changed him before feeding him, so he will likely need to be changed later tonight." He went quiet again, a little paranoid maybe, or was it something else? "What did you want to talk about?"

A light nod to Kruger's word's, Shai brushed around him and quietly closed the nursery door to step deeper into the hallway. She didn't make a move to walk into the bedroom, to do such would be unfair grounding. Instead, it was there in the lantern light that hung so precariously from the well draped walls, she stared at him, for a long moment.

Was this a declaration of defeat? Not at all. It was a declaration of what was factual.

"With all that has happened, I do not feel as if I belong here any longer." It was instantaneous, the tear's welling in dark eyes. "It is a constant reminder of all that I held to be true and forthright. Our marriage, our love for one another. While, I will draw my final breath loving you, all of you....I know it was a ruse on your part, I have accepted as much. You have said no different, as I thought you might."

Shai Vevea · Date: 2014-02-06 13:19 EST

This was the very last thing Shai ever wanted to do and all it would take, is for him to say anything to change her mind. Even though he had abandoned her emotionally, she felt horrid that she was in essence, now leaving him. Shai had thought, that if the Blacksmith was given a release of all that plagued him, he would realize he was in fact worthy of a happy life. He was worthy of the life HE had chosen, when HE declared his desire and passion to build a family, to build something that was rightfully his. With her.

"If you have no objection, I will be returning to Greece in the Spring, with Nikolai."

He wasn't sure what she expected, it was hard to see her cry. It always had been, she had rarely displayed it to him. "You want to take Niko?" It wasn't all he had heard, truth is he wanted to try and work backwards along this slippery path. "Have I not been coming to see him often enough to suit? If this place is not where you belong sell it, find your place. Perhaps you believe your place is Greece?"

His brows descended over his eyes angrily. "I've never stopped you from doing what you think you must. I can't really stop you now. You would say if I have no objection, except that I do and I am sorry if it isn't the one you want. How will I see him there Shai? I am not ashamed of my child, leaving him to be raised alone by you... that is for others." His mouth closed with an audible click as teeth set and muscles in his jaw locked it that way. He swallowed hard, and took deep breaths through his nose.

Kruger's hands came away from his chest quickly the urge to grip something tightly had them wrapped around the banister nearby. "I know I only make this harder for you. I also know you never seemed weak to me. Maybe you need time? Time away from here, from memories of... everything." He had been about to say 'me' but couldn't quite manage it.

"If you make this permanent for yourself, it will never be for Niko. I want him too... Is this meant as a cruelty Shai? Some revenge for walking out?" The hollowness just seemed to grow in him the more he considered what she was asking for. "I'm sure I deserve this and more. I'm sure I will pay over and over again. Spring... His christening... and then you go?" His eyes were burning, and no matter how hard he tried to keep the set to his jaw, it refused to obey him.

Shai Vevea · Date: 2014-02-06 13:20 EST

"Revenge? How could you ever think that of me. Perhaps another woman, but it is never about revenge for me, and you of all people should know this. Do not stand there, wrapped in your own martyrdom and accuse me of something that is blatantly ignorant."

"When I came back, it was business, Kruger. Yes, it was also about Belglade, but it was not supposed to have been permanent. And then you came along and that all changed. I no longer belong here. Do I know what the future holds, no I do not. But, I will not remain here, miserable." She knew he was angry, but it was not what Shai had expected really.

"No, I was thinking his christening would take place in Greece and I would then go back to Venice. You have said nothing in regards to his christening until now, even though I put it out before you several times. You say nothing until this moment about it. You keep your mouth closed and answer questions in riddles and not as it should be. What is it that you expect for me to do? Tell me...for once tell me, Kruger."

Kruger shook his head, again he heard a lot of things that he knew were true. "It's funny Shai, I don't think it, but I know it happens. I thought it best to find out for myself I suppose. I am ignorant, something I have never hidden. Still you were with me, this christening, you act like somehow I know what to expect or do. You would dedicate him to a god... he should be for his own safety's sake probably. It is a god I do not know, one whom I don't put my faith in. The same as any other that people speak about. What help can I possibly be with this?"

Kruger turned to look back at her. "Think what you want, it wasn't always ruse to use your word. Somewhere along the line I was scooped hollow. I'm not asking you to be miserable, though I know the fault is all mine. You go ahead finish your business, I do know what the future holds though. I'll come for Niko, he will need time with both of us. I'll be sure to send support, to him... to you if you want it. I know you don't need the money, you didn't need it when we began. I also know that I will need to do it."

Shai Vevea · Date: 2014-02-06 13:21 EST

Kruger turned away and started down the steps. He managed to get to the third on down before turning back and looking at Shai again. "You ask me what I expect from you? I never expected anything, and always got more than I hoped for. What do I expect you to do now? I expect you to live Shai, to make yourself happy when you can. I suppose finally, I expect the offer to be made to Niko of an apprenticeship when he turns seven. There are things only I can teach him."
"You leave all things up to me, Kruger and in my lap. You didn't wish to discuss your belief's in his christening or not. You are his father and have every right to state what you feel is best. I expect that. I require that. But you do not feel as if you should, or whatever the case may be. What has happened between you and I, as husband and wife, has nothing to do with Nikolai or is upbringing."

As upset as he was growing, so was she and when he turned his back on her to walk down the step's, Shai followed after him. "I am not scooped hollow, there are day's when I wish I was. I almost envy your ability to walk away, it perhaps would make it much easier."

"This was supposed to have been US making these decisions, TOGETHER. Not apart and not from opposite ends of the spectrum. That was what WE wanted. If you wish for me to remain here with him until he reaches a certain age, speak it. If you could give two figs, state it. There has to be some compromise, and walking away is not going to change that. But that is what you wish to do, you wish to walk away and not deal with it. I tire of the running you do. Turn and face this, as we have an entire lifetime of being in each other's lives because of this child we would give our very breath for. Give me something tangible, instead of what you think you -need- to do, why isn't it what you -want- to do. Is your heart that closed, even to your son?"

"Beliefs Shai? I have thousands of beliefs, all of them wanting to control what's left of this... Whatever it is I am. I can't pick one, and say any of it is right or wrong. I don't feel strongly about religion, I don't care much for gods who use us for their gratification. I do believe all of them are that way." He could feel her at his back, how long since they had been heated at one another. He honestly couldn't recall the last time. Not even when he had wanted her to be.

"I want to be with Niko, I can't make a move to Greece, or Venice. You speak of the word need like somehow it means something different to me. It is a need over a want, I wanted things Shai and I failed. Fine though, I want to be part of his future, I won't let it boil down into the meanings of similar words." He had never denied that all blame was his, this wasn't the same thing though. She wanted to leave, he felt guilty because she was simply trying to give herself what he sought. The ability to live with herself everyday and not be reminded.

Shai Vevea · Date: 2014-02-06 13:21 EST

"I'm not completely empty, you wish to take the one thing I have left of who I tried to be. You want me to give you a reason to stay. There is only pain left here for you, I know that. Stay and I come around as often as I can. Go and I take him for weeks, or months. Seven years with you and another seven with me if he chooses to learn with me. I won't force it on him." The heels of Kruger's hands went to his forehead and rubbed furiously as he desperately tried to gain control over his anger.

"I can tell you what I want Shai, but I can't make you do it. I can't make you want it. I can't make you promises for the future." He was cold, a chill coming as he spoke the words. That they were truth didn't make them easier. "I don't know if hollow is easier, but I am no philosopher either. It just is."

"I am trying to hold true to my vows and my commitment to you, Kruger. Desperately. It is not in me to just up and walk away, when our life together was destined. To do such would be the same as admitting defeat and weakness. To not be able to hold together our marriage, regardless of blame. The blame has no purpose in this. It never did, it never will. You hold onto that like it's some badge, and you ready yourself for the fall. But while you are so preparing yourself for that, you are missing what is swirling all around you." Shai slumped to the stair and wrapped her arms around her knees. "I...I don't know what to do..."

He watched her sit, shook his head sadly while taking a deepened breath. "I don't know what you should do... Perhaps I am preparing for the fall, there is no destiny Shai. There is only what we choose." His shrug was followed by a sigh. "I am leaving Shai, for a while. If there is to be no christening here I'll move up my schedule."

He looked at her softening his expression and trying to understand things from her side. Truth was, he only saw how he was hurting everyone that he was close too. "I'll look for you when I return, or leave word at the Warrior House. I'm sorry this isn't what you want to hear. I can't make it any easier. You will have to decide if you stay or go." He slipped from the stairs still looking at her in case there were more she wanted to say to him.

Shai Vevea · Date: 2014-02-06 13:22 EST

Shai stared at him like he was a complete stranger and by all account's, he was. This man she had shared such love, adoration, passion, fire, honor, loyalty and an unstoppable desire was unknown to her and in that moment, it became crystal clear. He would never understand what he did to anyone, much less his wife.

His words of moving up his "trip", if there was to be no christening of his son in Rhydin, only managed to infuriate Shai.

He was so cold.

He was so unforgivably selfish. "By all means, move up your schedule."

Finally, there was only one thing left to say. "Goodbye, Aristotle."

Kruger · Date: 2014-02-14 02:07 EST

It was true, visits had changed. They still went on though, Kruger coming to give time to Nikolai. Things were different though. Not between him and the baby. Those who had expected differently of him though were seeing that this was the way things would be. He didn't feel unwelcome, far from it. What he felt was more of a resignation from them. He did his best not to let that intrude on his time with Niko.

Kruger had played do whatever it takes to make Niko laugh so long that the baby was ready to rest a bit. One of Kruger's favorite times. He changed the squirming child and brought him to the rocker to give him a bottle. Niko was beginning to hold it for himself and showing his independence. "Heroes, the world seems full of them Niko, men and women all of them put forth this fa?ade of bravado. They speak with a confidence that says 'my way is the only way'. I doubt these people, you should doubt them as well. No one is so powerful that they can work out every possible answer. Mostly heroes make plans that put themselves in harms way because they haven't the strength to allow that others have abilities too. Fear of making a decision that will harm someone close to them. You don't need to fear this Niko, it is a decision that you should approach with some sense of logic. If I can accomplish this myself, then how much simpler will it be to have aid? Aid comes in many forms, have the fortitude to say, go and confront while I do what needs doing here."

The amber eyes that looked on him closed briefly as the bottle and activity were taking their toll on the child. "Try not to take over any situation, but don't let your thoughts and opinions be drowned out. Learn to be able to say to the hero, 'if you can do it all yourself, then maybe you should.' Walk away from those who are not wise enough to recognize what you can contribute. We all make decisions, love not withstanding. Do I believe myself capable of handling every monster that comes my way? To this I simply say what day is it? I move one way and another, my thoughts change as information becomes available. I am no hero to myself, though I have been called the word."

Kruger brushed aside fine strands of hair from Niko's face. He still smiled at the touch. "Know when it is prudent to say, if anyone knows how to do this better, they are welcome to take the job. Know also when your own specialties require it of you. You will not hear me claim that I am the best there is at anything. I will always say my methods are... different but effective. You are full of that potential, and you will be given the choices to do what 'you' want to do. I wasn't given a choice where I went that may be the reason that I look the way I do. Had I chosen to go, perhaps I would have been more willing to accept what was asked of me."

Kruger looked to Niko's left cheek and knew that he would never force anyone to take the same marks. The potential to be good rested in so many. For Kruger though, he would respect another person. He wouldn't ask an apprentice to take a brand he wasn't willing to take himself. He certainly wouldn't force it upon the child. He would always try to answer those questions that came up. The why of things had gotten him into so much trouble. "Why Niko, is perhaps the most powerful question in the world. When faced with those who 'know best' or the heroes point of 'My way is best.' It is why that will get you free of such domination, though the punishment of it can last forever. Don't let yourself be programmed to react in a prescribed way. React as you feel best and let the looks of confusion be your reward."

Niko had gone past the two ounce mark when Kruger had raised him to his shoulder. It wouldn't be the first bit of spit up on his clothes, and for a little while it wouldn't be the last either. "Things are going to change for us soon Niko. You and I won't have these in depth one on one conversations. Your mother needs time, don't give her a hard time over it. It isn't so hard to believe that it is so. I will see you as often as I am allowed to. Do not lose hope."

Satisfied that Niko had expelled enough gas, Kruger settled him back onto his lap and gave him back his bottle. "Do your best not to hate me for what I am. I know it won't always be easy. Just do what you can. Do it no matter who tries to convince you differently. I'll miss you Niko, part of me already does...."

Kruger · Date: 2014-03-18 21:28 EST

Little Talks

You're gone, gone, gone away,
I watched you disappear.
All that's left is a ghost of you.
Now we're torn, torn, torn apart,
there's nothing we can do,
Just let me go, we'll meet again soon. ~ Of Monsters and Men

Kruger didn't know how long he had watched Nikolai sleep. The children had worn out the toddler, that was to be expected. Niko in his infant pride did not know what was impossible for him to do. He would try until he succeeded and then never forget how to do the same thing.

"Pride, I am guilty of this. Pride in so many things, I will face whatever comes from that in the end. I wonder if that smile of accomplishment that you give is the same for you. If pride is a sin then it should be discouraged, when you hold to that grin you should be reprimanded. I can't though Niko, to do so would destroy your curiosity, it would hinder you in what is to come. Keep your mind, ask your questions and never let anything stop you from seeking the answers." Kruger kept his voice soft, as much as he wished to wake the child, he couldn't bring himself to ruin the perfect peace on Nikolai's face.

"I don't know what you will choose for yourself, I'll be proud of it though. You don't need to be the best. Be different and be of quality and you will make out well. There will be frustrations ahead for you, answers that won't come easily. All you need to do is be better than those blockades. If you are like me nothing will stand in your way. Still, that road won't always make you happy." Kruger paused, feeling the weight of those words, like he hadn't for a while.

"We all walk a fine line between happiness and despair. It isn't the direction you choose Niko, but what you do when you get there. The word why is the most brilliant and terrible word ever formed. It will lead you in directions you never anticipated. The answer to it is the key, how important the need to see it answered. Why, it has made me who I am. It has set me on paths that have destroyed those who cared. I can't find the answers here Niko. I can't break the need to solve the riddle. I'll take no apprentice until I can answer the questions. I will find the answers though son, will it just lead to more questions though? Is this you as well? In some ways I hope not, I want you to find that contentment that I reject and be satisfied." Kruger felt the beating of his heart in the hollow of his neck and tried to swallow it back into place.

"Maybe I am not the one you should emulate. Maybe I should be the one whom you are ashamed of. Maybe..."

http://i1306.photobucket.com/albums/s573/AKrugerAllen/KrugerNikolaiNursery_zps7a3cae42.jpg

Kruger · Date: 2014-04-21 12:07 EST

Wild Horses

I know I've dreamed you, a sin and a lie
I have my freedom but I don't have much time
Faith has been broken, tears must be cried
Let's do some living, after we die ~ The Rolling Stones

The gardens at Belglade seemed to explode overnight. Spring had a way of showing up without giving advanced notice, or caring what the people who lived there wanted. Kruger had lived there once, he looked across to Nikolai out there exploring the new growth and couldn't help the feelings of joy and sorrow.

He was as alone as he could get, voices of children playing were distant. He wasn't sure where Rochelle had gotten to, and had just managed to chase of Gio. "It hurts to watch you Niko." The toddler was to far away from him to really hear. This wasn't some lesson he wanted to teach though. Nikolai had become far to independent to be mesmerized by the voice of Kruger droning on. Those were simpler times.

"I haven't done you a blessing, stealing your balance from you. I'm still here, even when I feel my heart being ripped from me." Kruger covertly wiped the wetness from his eyelashes and took a deep breath to ward off the sensation. "What I have left to give, I wonder if it will be enough. I wonder if the distance will destroy us in the end. How can I give you balance when I can't find my own? My mind it still reels with chaos and disorder. This place... this life was always better than I deserved. This thing that makes so many happy only served to separate me from that thing I need to do. I didn't understand that once Niko, confusion took me and I just knew that there were answers I hadn't found yet." Nikolai broke the stem of a flower, his little fingers not knowing their own strength.

He dropped unceremoniously to his bottom and used both hands to investigate the flower in his hand. There was a moment when Niko looked over at Kruger and grinned widely waving the treasure he held. "It's time to move forward Niko. If you knew how much I had discovered, if you knew what I intended, would you still smile that way? Time is growing short Niko... so very short."

"Wild horses couldn't drag me away..."
http://i1306.photobucket.com/albums/s573/AKrugerAllen/KrugerNikoShaiwildhorses_zpsd80ecd6c.jpg

Shai Vevea · Date: 2014-04-22 20:27 EST

Shai smiled as she watched father and son from the window upstairs'. It made her heart swell to see them together. To see so much likeness in Niko to the Blacksmith, right down to the way he held things so delicately, between his chubby finger's. Gaze dipping between them both, it held on Kruger a long moment and her arms were suddenly wrapping around herself.

What do we have but illusions where one man's absolute is another's choice
Giving in to confusion, till love and hate both tempt with the same voice
Won't you take me to a higher ground, I need to see again the way I'm bound
N' choose the uneasy redemption, run by fear and the flaws of attraction

It would seem, this still married couple had reached a happy medium. They didn't talk much, simply in passing or if when he visited, Shai would inform him of thing's the miniature of them both had accomplished, not to mention the sniffles that came with Spring. It was comfortable and non pressured. In Shai's mind, Belglade would always be Kruger's home. The gates would never close on him or be kept locked. For if it wasn't for him, Belglade would still be the ghostly shadow it was when found.

If life itself has a meaning, is it anything more than what we choose to call it
Sweet words make appealing, but they only serve to mask the smell of what you buried
Is it worth your while to spend on a lie, even though you cannot see eye to eye
N' give in to the rumor seduction, run by fear and all the good intentions

Shai couldn't help but wonder of the Forge and remember the countless days and nights she had spent watching him wield his craft. She was proud of him, always had been, his gift was larger than life. Much like him. Even if he didn't realize it. She also pondered what road their son would take in his year's. Perhaps, only time would tell. One thing for certain, the child was surrounded by love and family.

If this is how we think we make amends
We're in for a race that never ends
Where is it we think we'll go
What is it we think we know
It'll never change until we change ourselves

The flower Niko held, his most prized possession for the now, was suddenly dropped to the ground and with that same wide grin, put hand's and knee's in motion to charge toward his daddy, as only a son can.

Rewind, I wanna go it again, light up the dark, halo on the side

Shai Vevea · Date: 2014-05-19 07:01 EST

The smile still twittering at Shai's lip's, she went downstairs' and prepared a large glass of lemonade for the Blacksmith and several small cookies for Niko to gnaw upon. With his teeth coming in, the child drooled a constant and was always in a search for relief and pressure against his gums.

Once outdoor's, a barefooted step led her through the side garden and into the clearing where she could still see the two of them. "I've brought you something to quench your thirst, Kruger....chasing after your son could put the strength of the titan's to the test, most day's..." Crouching down, her shawl was pulled from her shoulders and spread there on the ground. A moment later, she was seated there, and the glass still held.

"Niko, regardez ce que votre maman a.." Their son responded to French, not so much Greek, but French got his attention. Shai assumed it was the lilt of tone's.

On first sight of the sweet his mother was holding out to him, Niko tumbled free from Kruger and headed towards her on not so sure footing, opting to crawl the distance instead.

Kruger relinquished Niko, though he did so knowing the instability of the child and was sure to keep hold long enough for Niko to gain his balance. He took the glass from Shai holding the cool side against his face for a moment. As Niko crawled Kruger took his first slow sip. "Thank you Shai. Niko's a curious one, I suppose that's how it goes when everything is new."

"I'd considered taking him to the stream, but it looks like the path needs clearing. That and the though of his falling on the rocks put me off. Perhaps a trip to the beach next time I'm out." He traced circles in the condensation that coated the glass. "That path should be cleared too." Kruger looked to Shai, his smile faltering as he did.

"Those used to be something I would do. I..." He'd been about to volunteer to do it again, but lost the words. He drank again, hoping the sourness of the drink would bring him back to his self.

"I'll take care of it if you need. There's no sense in having you out there doing it." No sense, that was exactly what he was making in his own head. He needed to get used to how things were going to work now, through the winter it had been easy enough to lock himself away with the baby. Niko wasn't as mobile, as spring wore on though, he could see these visits would involve Shai more. Why was he so uncomfortable now?

Shai Vevea · Date: 2014-05-19 07:03 EST

Shai listened, intently as Kruger spoke. Took in his every word and never once stopped regarding him the way she always had...gently. She wanted to hear what he had to say, had always wanted to know his deepest and darkest secrets, but also knew there was a certain entity in place that would often refuse to allow him such a liberty. Himself. And that was okay. What mattered was, here...and now.

As his parent's spoke, Niko seemed content and was now fascinated, by the line of cookie encased drool that was precariously hanging from his mouth. Daring to drip onto the toe of his father's boot, where it would eventually leave something akin to a mud dollop there.

After a very long minute, Shai spoke in almost a whisper to the Blacksmith. "I believe, you push those closest to you as far away from you as possible, in order to protect them, from what you are unable to unravel about yourself, Kruger. That is something that is very pure, but it is also misunderstood by some as the opposite. These things about yourself, the bigger picture that is you, can be very scary when you yourself do not understand it or cannot put a finger on what exactly IT is. In turn, if it is worrisome to you, you by nature....the protector, are going to shove as hard as you can to spare what is dear to your heart, from any harm."

A glance down, Shai splayed her finger's and looked back up at him as she continued. "I think there are layers of you, that are being discovered every moment of everyday, the purpose in which you are meant for. At times, your own psyche brings you back, so you can speculate and pick apart every instance that you have discovered and keep forging forward to the next step in your journey."

"I think you will reach the top and while what is waiting for you there is unknown, it is the way it was written and has to be. But, you cannot allow your strength to falter in any capacity. That does not mean, you should not seek out the haven which embraces you tightly until you are ready to take another step forward."

"Aristotle....at whatever consequence, you will not rest until you have those answer's and it gives you the direction that is required. It is who you are...."

Kruger could only nod at her assessment of him. He lowered his brow at the final words, Niko was looked at and there was a reluctant smile on Kruger's face. "Maybe Shai, but I am about to do things that while necessary, won't be understood either. There are some things I need to complete my work. How I get them, that is going to be tricky." He pulled Nikolai into his lap, which only lasted for a moment before he squirmed away and set out on a new adventure looking at an ant that crawled into view.

"I wish I could say things will be different when I am done. The truth is I think I will end up being different." Was it possible to know too much? Kruger picked up a stick and started to draw a formula in the earth. "There is an anchor, a series of them really, but the most important is the beginning. I'd been missing it before, a flaw in my thinking. Using the wrong point of origin, something gleaned from the notes of a man who is far... far away." He traced out a musical scale and started placing notes. "Think of it like trying to play a song you know well, but starting on the wrong note. When that happens the rest of the notes fall wrong as well."

He hadn't really discussed the how of his work with her before. In truth, he wasn't really trying to now, except that he continually came back to the work and needed to set his thoughts down somewhere. It stopped mattering who was present or how much they understood.

"The end result I suppose is you get a song, it just isn't the one you wanted. I need to fix that, to always have it right. In the last year or so I've made leaps and bounds, but I've done all I can with the tools I have. Now I need new ones... or perhaps more accurately old ones. The Altar was just the beginning."

Shai Vevea · Date: 2014-05-19 07:04 EST

Those stars on the ceiling were little different than the things he was drawing in the dirt.The only real difference perhaps was his own understanding that made these conscious and the design on Niko's ceiling an unconscious message. "I can see further than I ever have, Shai, and yet I am still blind."

Gaze passing between Kruger and their son, Shai was perplexed by all he spoke. And yes, she did understand a bit better now, what plagued him. No one would ever truly know all that entailed, none other than Kruger. For it wasn't for an untrained eye to recognize, as was clearly apparent. This was his war, his battle, and no one else's.

She would never claim to know the answer's, or to even be able to comfort him in his struggle's. To do such a thing, would to admit perverse arrogance.

"Sometime's, we try too hard, Kruger to understand and make sense of things that are not in line as of yet, to be understood. In time, it will come together like a puzzle that we pour over, in what we think is the proper piece to finish it. When all the while, it was that lonely piece off to the side that we all but ignore. I can only hope that in the end, you find some sense of peace and resolution to the life long wondering that consumes you right to your very core. There is one key, one specific key....and you will find it."

Kruger laid back looking up at the clouds. Once he would have seen wonders in their movements. Now he saw forces that could be harnessed for his work. "I'll find it, though I think I may lose more in the search." He turned his head and looked to where Niko was studying the insects before turning back to Shai. "I keep coming back though, I am drawn here for reasons that are obvious. Niko needs to know I am not just some shadow who was here and gone. It wasn't always this way, it wasn't meant to be this way when I first met you."

He rolled onto his side, propping his head on his hand. "I'm sure this is far more difficult on you, even with the support of the others." She'd been left probably when she most needed him. He hated to think of himself as selfish, but it happened all the time. Kruger fought the urge to reach for her, it would be cruel, like promising something else he had no power to give. "I haven't done anything to win your words."

The sun was high in that near painted sky, it always was for the most part. The midnight storms could be dreadful, but were sublime in their own right. Tilting her head, the curving of a smile wandered across her lip's, attention moving between Niko and Kruger, but coming to rest on the latter entirely. "Kruger, you won me a very long time ago. That moment beneath a street lamp, in the middle of the night, the sound of our conversation and laughter ringing true into the air around us. That does not just vanish, nor does it diminish."

She would not comment on thing's being difficult, such matter's were kept close to her and guarded entirely, even from her husband. It served no purpose to expound on them like some banshee done wrong. It was ridiculous and perverse.

"You are a good father....that is entirely clear. You love your son and you will guide him, as it should be. If you were to vanish or perish from our world, you would not be a ghost, I would not allow such a thing." She spoke the truth, perhap's as strange as it sounded....it was the truth.

Shai Vevea · Date: 2014-05-19 07:05 EST

"I'm not sure what I am." Kruger sat up and looked at Shai seriously. "There are things that he should know, even if he doesn't follow me into the trade. I'm documenting everything I am learning. Someone should know it, benefit from the mistakes I make. I am not saying that I will perish, but someone should at the least know that every thought I have is waiting to be explored by those who understand."

Kruger sat up then stood. He bent down and picked up Niko who protested at being removed from his latest scientific endeavor.

"How bout we give him a bath, maybe eat a little?" Kruger was looking at Shai, he wore the smallest of smiles as he offered to be the one to get soaked by Nikolai. "I'm betting he can find a thousand ways to sink his toys beneath the water."

Kruger · Date: 2014-07-21 20:38 EST

It's My Life

Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down ~ Bon Jovi

Long days, Kruger spent this one with Niko?s little fingers wrapped around his index finger. It didn?t matter that his knuckles were swollen from his most recent fight, or that there were abrasions spread across both hands. Few would understand the man or the reason he walked into armed combat rings weaponless save for a pair of taped up fists. Niko didn?t care, from time to time his little hand would reach to touch the places where the skin had been removed. It hurt, but not more than some of the other things he?d been through recently. Kruger understood that the boy was curious about the injuries.

Tournament fighting, the night before twenty five rounds and only two matches, the first had covered eighteen and left him mentally exhausted. He reached down and lifted Niko before heading deeper into the woods. Maybe he should have been worried, his last trip into these woods had left him near dead at the mercy of the more ferocious wildlife. He didn?t blame the wolves though, they did what they did and Kruger was too stubborn to let himself be run out of the place. He carried his weapons though, that pair of highly carved light war hammers he?d appropriately named Heaven and Hell. Their weight was strange, not new he carried hammers often in the loops at his belt. That was while working though, he had taken to not carrying the weapons on him anymore.

Purgatory, that was what he called the pairing, angels and demons attached to his hips and leaving him somewhere in the middle. He?d always felt in the middle of something. He still did, the shirt he wore was one of those promotional ads he?d had made up for the line of Phoenix that Jake was putting out from the brewery. Sure it was part of the deal, but it was true that he believed in the energy drink. Kruger didn?t mind keeping up that appearance when he wasn?t working the forge.

?Mama.? Niko?s voice sounded in Kruger?s ear and the boy was pointing over his shoulder towards the house. The smith turned enough to be able to see behind them. He caught a glimpse of Shai looking down from the window of her bedroom. He?d offered to let her come, but when she saw where he intended to go she?d turned back. He understood, or thought he did but like entering the woods, he would stubbornly step into places that held far more intimate moments for Niko?s parents and face down those memories too.

The shade was cooler the deeper they went into the trees, down an embankment that had been cut by the stream that tinkled below. He let Niko down and pulled his shoes, socks and little pants off so that he could walk in the water. Kruger took his boots off and rolled up his pant legs, his hand collected Niko?s once more and together they stalked the rocky shores. The smith bent down and moved a rock, his hand shot forward and a crawfish was extracted from the water.

The lessons hadn?t stopped, even when Kruger was stuck in a bed at Gio?s place. Niko would be brought and Kruger would be left with him to impart whatever new wisdom had come to him. ?Life exists in many strange places Niko. It comes in odd forms sometimes it is small and hidden like this little guy. As small as he is though, he can inflict a lot of pain on any who might invade his home.? As if on cue the crawfish latched a claw on to the skin between Kruger?s thumb and forefinger. He released the thing which hung there for several moment before letting go and dropping back into the water and scurrying beneath another stone.

Niko sent his hand into the water, trying to mimic his father?s grab of the thing. He was too slow, and the wetness of the water distracted him. He pulled his hand out of the stream and watched the droplets of water fall from his fingers. He held that hand up to Kruger his fingers spread and contorted as if he wanted Kruger to be able to see all of it at the same time. Kruger?s eyes were swollen some but he had no problem seeing what Niko was trying to show him. ?Wet.? Niko was learning new words all the time.

Most of the time Kruger wouldn?t hear them until well after the boy had figured out how to say them and exactly what they meant. It was his fault, it always be. He smiled at Niko not that face he wore for the people in the stands, nor was it the greeting offered to customers who came by the shop. ?That?s right Niko, and sometimes when you are after something you find yourself in something you didn?t expect. Do you let it distract you or keep going for the goal?? In the brush he spotted Gio?s daughter, she?d taken to following them around. He didn?t call attention to it, did nothing to indicate that he even saw it happening.

Niko gave a grunt, and it was clear to Kruger that it was more than an answer to his question. ?Someone needs to be changed.? Niko looked up innocently and shook his head no. There was no doubt though from the aroma that had risen in the area. Kruger?s shook his head and chuckled. ?I think someone does.? Niko pointed at him which had him all out laughing. Kruger collected their things, the rustling above them in the brush an indicator that the girl had figured out that he was coming and disappeared. He might need to ask her why she felt she needed to hide from them. It could wait though, so far there was no harm in it.

The grass had been freshly mown between the woods and Abri nan syel la, Haven in the clouds. It prickled the bottoms of Kruger?s feet, another irony perhaps. His hands were toughened to the point where he could, if he were fast enough, pick up an errant hot coal and toss it back into the fire. His feet however were soft, and far too sensitive. Thankfully Niko had wanted down and at least there was distance between the soiled bottom and Kruger?s nose. Then the toddler saw Shai, and raced ahead towards her. His hand was up, like it had been to Kruger when the water was dripping. Perhaps he was trying to tell her about the water as Kruger could hear him saying the word ?wet? even though his hand was clearly dry now.

http://i1306.photobucket.com/albums/s573/AKrugerAllen/KrugerShaiNiko_zps05ac1090.jpg

Kruger · Date: 2014-09-19 05:38 EST

No One Knows

We get some rules to follow
That and this, these and those
No one knows ~ Queens of the Stone Age

The smile which slipped across Shai's features was instantaneous and with much animation, she crouched down and nearly squealed much to Niko's delight. "Did you get wet, mon amour...!?" The child's head bobbed so fast, his mother laughed softly and couldn't help but be enamored by him. She found herself so, many times per day.

"Dah....wet....too..." Pointing with a chubby finger in the direction of his father, Shai's mouth went wide. "He got wet too!" The word's their son picked up, came flitting akin to lightning bugs. It was constant. Beginning to string words together at such an early age, an amazing feat all in itself.

Catching his hand, Shai pressed a single kiss to his palm before Niko went racing off again, round and round his Daddy's leg's. "Wondrous, is he not, Kruger?" Hushed in a whisper, she was so very proud of this creature they had created. "Every day is a new and glorious world for him, for us. To see it through his eyes, takes the breath from me..."

Walking slowly behind Niko, Kruger found a stopping point when the child began to circle him. He stood with his legs apart because Nikolai had his hand on Kruger's leg and was turning circles under him. He wouldn't be able to do that for too much longer, not without ducking anyway. Kruger lifted him up, and moved forward towards Shai, nodding as she whispered. "He is indeed wondrous, smart and curious about everything."

Two pairs of shoes hit the grass, Niko's poking out of the tops of Kruger's boots. Kruger settled himself onto the grass next to the shoes and looked up at Shai. "Not my doing, maybe the curiosity, but you're doing a superb job with him." Niko wasn't ready to settle yet, he squirmed his way out of Kruger's arms and started to circle him again. The boy's energy seemed unlimited, though Kruger knew that it would come with a crash at the end. Niko would go from full speed to falling asleep on the floor if you didn't keep a close eye.

"Has he shown any signs of..." He wasn't sure how to describe it, Niko's heritage shared the smith's but so much more of him was human. It worried Kruger that the boy would hear things as he had when he was young. Perhaps he was trying to prepare Shai, clue her in on what to look for and maybe what it meant. His own ties were far weaker than they had been before Nikolai was born. It took great concentration to find those voices, at least when he was away from his shop.

Kruger · Date: 2014-09-19 05:40 EST

Sitting down as well, she tucked her legs beneath her and remained amused by Niko's Toddler Antic's. At one point, he rounded his father and pressed his palms to Kruger?s cheeks. Nose to nose, he pressed in and a moment later, fell onto his butt, a puddle of giggles.

With Kruger's question, Shai inwardly cringed. While she had known it would be coming, she wasn't exactly prepared for it, at that moment. Truth be known, she tried hard to not think about it? not yet. With the roller coaster ride that had been non-stop since the child's birth, literally...she was enjoying the peace and doing what she could to pull the pieces back together.

However, the question was there and she would not shy away from it. Shai, understood a lot more than Kruger ever gave her credit for. "No, not as of yet, he has not..." Her gaze meeting his, it lingered there and she continued. "It is something, that we do need to discuss, before too much longer. Regardless, of anything, we must be on the same page and make the other clear of intention's, when and if it does begin."

There they were, the two loves of her life. One already she had lost, and now the possibility of the second. Shai was never one to pity herself, but at that moment....she hurt. Right into her soul. Her expression never wavering, her lips twittered into a smile. "When would you like to speak about it?" That of course meant, Rochelle would have toddler duty, so that they could talk uninterrupted.

Kruger laughed along with Niko, but this was going to be something perhaps more serious. He wet his lips before responding to Shai. "Now would be as good a time as any." It was true, he hadn't exactly been putting off the conversation, so many of the little things he did were tests of his own. The boy was still young, but the smith knew from his own experience that age mattered very little to the elements. He wasn't sure what Shai expected out of this, but he let her signal to Rochelle to come and tempt Niko away with some sweet biscuits. Only after they were gone would he begin.

"I'd be lying if I said I know what's going to happen, Shai. If he inherits my..." He didn't know what to call them, not gifts certainly. He wasn't the one who had words, that had always been Shai. "...my affinity. There will need to be precautions taken. Within me the four elements were in balance. Niko is far more human than I am.?

Kruger · Date: 2014-09-19 05:41 EST

It was true, and logically that meant he would lean towards fire, these things had a tendency to avoid logic. ?I don't know for sure that I am right, but there are very few who find their self with the four. If it does come to him, I fear it will be the flame that speaks to him. Watch him around fires, see if he reacts differently than Antonio's child. If you suspect then you should know, the fire is always hungry, always calling out for more to consume. Many children burn themselves, but they learn. The fire, if he hears it, will lie to him though. It will make promises with only a single intent, to consume." The smith pulled his heels inwards and crossed them. His fingers laced together and found a place where his legs crossed.

"It is as likely nothing comes to him, or I could be wrong about what manifests. Each element has its danger. The air would tell him that it knows so many that can fly, and perhaps he is one as well. The water would wish to know him, to surround him and it would fill him given the chance. The earth is probably the least deadly, but it can easily lead him astray with what it knows. It will say things to him like in the dirt ahead of you is a shiny stone, and just beyond the bank of the creek rests a piece of granite as old as time." The smith kept his gaze on Shai, trying to read her as he told her of his own experiences.

Shai, was intent on the Blacksmith. Entirely so. She held onto every, single word he said and while she was by far an intelligent woman, this was something way beyond her...comprehension. Not in the way most would think, however. While she understood the fierceness of the element's, she was never so threaded into the destruction they could cause. The deepest of places. The unchartered territory that myths are made of. It was there. In all of them. But this.....

This was something different. This was her son. This was their son. It had already taken Kruger, from her. Would it take their son as well...? The chances of that were enormous. "You sound to me as if you are reading from some great book of literature. But this is not fiction. This just is."

Kruger · Date: 2014-09-19 05:42 EST

Her words softly spoken, she finally looked away towards those same woods and then back to him, eyes clear and bright. "If he is touched, as you say...perhaps....will he be positively tortured, like you Aristotle? Or will he live unhindered? There is no way to know, only speculation." The questions were rhetorical, which was obvious as she continued. "I will watch carefully, as you say I should do. I will tell you of anything, I notice." Literally pulling her sight from him, that was torturous in itself by definition.

"Then what, what shall happen to him then....he shall live a life of lies, of feeling he is not worthy of love that is bestowed upon him...? A battle he can never truly see, in hopes to somehow win at the next turn, the next assault. There is never to be a winner, there is never to be peace. He will walk, tortured...by his own inner turmoil, of something that he himself did not create." Slender brows furrowed sharply, her lips going thin.

"To what end?"

"He is not me, Niko has things I never did. He's got you and Rochelle, he's got Gio, Marcus and Antonio. He has the children, and he has me." The smith smiled as he began, though the inclusion of himself was subdued and barely audible as though Kruger weren't sure this were a blessing or not. "He may not develop any of this. The truth is that if he does he simply needs to be educated, to know that he is not able to fly and why. To know that there is a distance too far to go, or a reason that he lives on land. Fire will always be hot, even for him."

Kruger shifted again looking towards the house and narrowing his eyes a bit at the ironwork. "I can mend many things, Some are easier than others. Some are all consuming. I haven't found a way to mend myself. He doesn't have to be me Shai, I've had to figure it out on my own. Was told that I was somehow broken because I wasn't what was expected. Stifled for asking questions, because the person I asked had no answers. That's something I will do my best to give him, answers."

(tbc)

Topic: Visitations (closed)

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