They met in New Haven again, near the Heavenly Boutique. Jewell didn?t mind the walk. Even though she felt breathless after several blocks, it was beautiful outside. The sky was blue and the sun warm on her face and bare arms. It was better to accommodate Koy?s busy schedule by grabbing lunch close to the Fashionista since her own schedule was blissfully empty these days. It wasn?t good for business, but it was good for her mental state. The faerie could probably use the distraction of more work, but she had trouble focusing on anything for too long. She had trouble staying interested in anything for too long. Her thoughts started to wander to things she didn?t want to think about all too easily.

The lunch rush hum in the busy bistro was comforting. She could listen in on the conversations around her, eavesdropping on their lives to escape her own while she waited for her friend to arrive. The waitress had already brought her a lavender lemonade. Jewell stirred the ice in the glass with her straw, watching it swirl. Similar to every meeting she had with friends these days, there was a mix of anxious anticipation along with pleasure. She had not seen Koyliak, save for a brief appearance at the hectic Fashion Week kickoff event, since before. Her friends had been rallying around her and so supportive, but there was still a dread that one of them would judge her. One of them wouldn?t want anything to do with her.

Koy?s pink stilettos hurrying their way to the bistro were drowned out once she entered the bustling establishment. She caught her breath and weaved her way through tables and patrons until she found Jewell. The Heavenly Boutique?s main room frequently served as a rich (and sometimes petty) gossip hub. She had heard whispers about Jewell after the attacks but she paid them little mind. However Jewell carried herself now changed nothing about how Koy viewed the woman. If anything, it reinforced the strange bond they shared - even before they took the time for meals and long talks Koy felt connected to Jewell because she saw a kindred spirit. Beyond the cousinly kinship of fae and elves they both were women who paradoxically wore and hid their deepest scars at the same time. It?s what attracted them both to the rings.

A mixture of both guilt and understanding swirled within the fashionista as she saw her friend. Sure, she had sent flowers once she heard Jewell was in recovery but she had yet to call on her. The night of the attacks had left Koy circling around her own family unit, her main priority as the carnage wore on and the Welcome Center staff had their directions was to keep her own mixed children safe and sheltered from the depths of what raged on outside. Since then she had been keeping her family in focus with her business following. But she also did not think Jewell would wish for forced upon company. When the woman was ready to pick up her relationships she would come calling. Koy hoped that?s what this lunch date Jewell had arranged was instead of an instance where Koy had grossly misjudged what her friend needed and was about to get reamed out for her apparent negligence.

Jewell?s first act when she caught sight of Koy dodging tables and waitresses to reach her was an unintentional reassurance for her friend. It was really meant for herself. The faerie had always thrived off of physical affection, but since her untimely death and resurrection, she needed it even more. Every touch, every hug, every kiss was a reminder that she was alive. They were reminders that someone thought her worth acknowledging. The punches and cuts from the duels were nice too, but they were a different sort of balm for her wounds. She stood to embrace the lovely elf, ?So glad you could meet me.?

It was a brief embrace before she retreated back to her seat as she was incredibly self-conscious about how much weight she had lost and terribly afraid of becoming emotional over a hug. It happened so easily these days. ?You?re well? The kids? I?ve seen Matt here and there.? Jewell fretted with her napkin, keenly aware that while friends had been concerned about her after the events on Valentine's Day, she had barely inquired of anyone. Her friends were alive. That?s all she had wanted to know. That was all she could process.

Koy made no mention of the change in her friend?s appearance. It was to be expected. She hugged her instinctively with a little more care than she meant, not wanting to bring attention to it. In the months she had thought Matt lost in space and likely dead Koy had lost her own appetite for longer than was healthy - she could not criticize Jewell for how she chose to deal with the stress of all that had occurred.

That said, Koy did flag down a waiter to order several tapas plates for the table, more than she expected to eat herself in case anything suddenly appealed to Jewell. ?Aye, the kids are fine. Iffn anythin?, it?s likely me who?s still shakin? off tha ?xtra layer of residual concern. I?ve been keepin? pretty low profile, relishin? in as many mundane moments as I can.?

A carafe of wine and a pitcher of ice water were also added to her order. ?I?m happy ta see ye, Jewell. I want ta ask how ye?re doin? but I want ta note tha ye don?t need ta broach anythin? ye don?t feel up ta discussin? or make small talk fer my benefit. I?m perfectly content ta jest sit here, snack, and bask in yer ever beautiful presence.? The last part Koy said with a crooked grin, hoping to put Jewell more at ease.

She smiled at the compliment, leaning back and tilting her chin up. ?Please, bask away!? It was good to be able to laugh again even if it was lacking some of its old strength and volume. The levity didn?t last long though. The faerie was a watered down version of herself, a shade left behind after Kal stabbed her in the heart and a team of doctors saved her life. The weight of the last two months was still too heavy on her shoulders, forcing her to lean forward. ?I appreciate the sentiment too, you know? if I don?t want to talk about things.? She shrugged, ?But we can.? Then she rushed to add on, ?If you want, I mean. I don?t want to burden anyone with what?s been going on, and you?ve got your hands full taking care of your family.?

Her teeth found the familiar groove on the inside of her cheek, ?It?s just... you already know what was at stake beforehand, and you know I didn?t get the stupid opal.? She resumed stirring her ice a bit sullenly. She was still displeased with the green opal. There was a part of her that believed that if he had just helped her, Kal wouldn?t have left. So maybe it was better that he hadn?t. It was all too confusing. ?My therapist said it?s good to talk about it too,? she smirked, not at all ashamed of admitting that she saw a therapist. Not to Koy. There was a hint of self-deprecation with a sarcastic edge in both the curl of her lips and her tone, ?So, if you want, I can tell you about my truly terrible Plan B, or we can skip ahead to having some wine while you listen to me say horrible things about my now ex-lover.?

?Ye?re not a burden, Jewell. Despite all tha happened I?m grateful ye let us in on it so we could at least try and be prepared. Though, mebbe I?m obtuse but is there still somethin? ta worry ?bout even now tha ye need a Plan B, terrible or not?? Koy helped herself to the first plate of ham croquettes that arrived from the kitchen. She took a bite and waited until she swallowed her food to continue talking, not wanting to be rude. ?It?s good ye?re seein? someone iffn it helps. I?m sorry ta hear ?bout ye and Kal, but I do think sometimes the best works spring out of tha kind of pain and emotion.? She refrained from calling it heartbreak. That felt not only like an assumption but too literal a term to use in this case. ?Why don?t we start with the truly terrible plan. I?m guessin? it goes beyond suggestin? everyone starts wearin? multiple clashin? animal prints as a new trend, aye?? Koy joked but poured a glass of wine, bracing herself for what came next.

?Oh no no no,? Jewell shook her head rapidly, face flushing as she realized she misspoke. ?My Plan B, it?s what I already did. There isn?t? I mean there shouldn?t be anything else to worry about.? She corrected herself there because she couldn?t be sure. There shouldn?t be anything else to worry about, but this was RhyDin. She had also been less than vigilant about hunting down any remaining members of the Temple of the Divine Mother. She had perhaps put too much faith and hope in Alain to handle that. ?Letting someone kill me. That was the plan without PathFinder.? Talking about it required something stronger than that lavender lemonade, so she nudged her glass towards Koy to be filled. At least she could drink again. Thank the gods for small favors. ?It worked too,? she admitted reluctantly, eyes on the ham croquettes, ?so no need for the clashing animal prints. Yet.? Maybe just one wouldn?t make her feel too ill. She snagged it, taking a small bite.

Koy filled Jewell?s glass obligingly, not giving it a heavy pour but a healthy one considering Jewell?s state. She nodded, ?Tha must?ve been a terrible burden ta bear, carryin? ?round an idea like tha in yer back pocket. It?s likely a wonder the stress of it all didn?t get ta ye first.? She took a sip of her own wine after pushing Jewell?s glass back towards her. Koy?s glance flicked down at the engraved bracelet covering her right wrist and more importantly the scar underneath it. ?Ye don?t have ta tell me, but is it morbid iffn I ask ye wha it was like? Dyin? tha is.? She darted a look back up at her friend hoping not to find judgement there.

She was lifting up her glass, but paused at Koy?s question. She set the glass back down carefully, grey eyes meeting her friend?s forest green ones. There was no judgement in her gaze, but there was a moment of hesitation. Koy had broached the topic, but she knew she wouldn?t be able to take back what she was about to say. She said it anyway. ?It was a relief.? That truth sat between them as Jewell tried to put her thoughts in order. ?Waking back up again? I was furious. And scared. And really really confused. I wasn?t supposed to be here. And while I?m thankful that I am, because how else would I get to enjoy your company?? she smiled a little. ?I?m disappointed too. Because I didn?t want to live with this. Like this. It wasn?t my choice.?

Koy did not chide Jewell for begrudging her return nor did she frown. The answer made sense and so she nodded. ?I think dyin? tends ta be worse fer the livin? left behind so I can see tha.? She flicked another glance at her wrist and decided to speak the thought that came to her mind without going into too much detail about her particular circumstance. ?Once, when I was injured as close as I?ve ever come ta death, somethin? in me screamed fer survival. I was surprised ?cause the more appealin? option considerin? the pain I was in was ta let it all go.? The pain less tangible than what she imagined Jewell had experienced that night - Koy could no longer bear a world without her first-born daughter Lirisa in it and the injury self-inflicted. ?Fer whaever reason I held on. I don?t know wha Gods ye believe in, iffn any at all, but where I?m from they say we walk the path they have set us on at their mercy and those who may try ta outrun ?em will only find themselves called back in some manner, by cleric in this same life or by rebirth, set out once more ta learn the same lessons and meet the same purpose. Mebbe it?s lil consolation but at least ye get ta move forward then with new burdens but some familiar faces ?long the way?? It was a belief Koy had once been ready to disregard and spit in the face of herself but hindsight always allowed room for a second thought.

It was an idea the faerie clearly struggled with as a furrow burrowed its way into her brow. She didn?t reject it outright and Koy wasn?t the first person to say something along these lines to her, but it was difficult to accept. ?It?s been a long time since I?ve believed in anything, but maybe you?re right? I don?t know. It feels more like I?m just here because Ka--? she hesitated, biting her cheek before starting over, ?because of someone?s whim. And I also can?t help but think, and you?ll forgive me if this is awful or insulting I hope, that any gods who planned this out for me are just? they?re cruel.? Her breath shuddered a moment as she struggled to contain that monmouth amount of pain and hurt that lingered in her chest. It was the touch of iron, Kal?s abandonment, and the calling of her True Name condensing together into a slow bleeding wound that would not heal. ?Or maybe I did something to deserve all this and death was too easy of an escape for me.? It did feel more like punishment than a blessing. A punishment for not saving her children. For all the terrible things she had done after losing them.

A sip of wine steadied her nerves and the uneven beating of her heart, allowing her to shunt aside that swell of emotions. As she was sure her friend would understand, it was easier to lock it all away rather than deal with it. ?But I?m here and I?m stuck here because? well, I?m just not willing to do anything about it.? Her grey eyes flitted aside at the admission before searching for Koy?s again with a faint smile, ?There are perks to being alive I guess, and I am glad for the familiar faces. I don?t know what was waiting for me after all this, but I would have missed a lot of faces.? She picked up another ham croquette, ?And the food.?

As more tapas plates arrived Koy helped herself to a taste of everything - from sea scallops bathed in white wine lemon sauce to the chickpeas dusted with spices and paired with baked eggplant, blistered shishito peppers, stuffed olives, cured meats, toasted breads glistening with olive oil and thick slices of juicy beefsteak tomatoes. ?Aye, the food would be a shame.? She gave a grim smile and took a bite from her plate while letting Jewell?s response sink in. Kal?s name being on the tip of Jewell?s tongue didn?t escape the Masochistic Fashionista but she thought better than to speculate and defend his choices. She wouldn?t broach the subject more than following Jewell?s lead in what she wanted to discuss. Instead she glossed over the detail entirely.

?Ye wouldn?t be ?lone in thinkin? the Gods can also be cruel. I?ve thought it myself. My relationship with my Gods, the Immortals as we call ?em in Elanthia, is not ?lways an easy one. I was never cut out fer pure, blind and faithful devotion. But I try ta find comfort in whaever pains I feel are ta shape me, ta make sure I don?t miss soakin? in wha moments of sweetness I may also find ta counter it. Forgive me, ye seem ta have caught me on one of my more optimistic days.? Koy grinned and drank her wine. ?Call on me in the ?morrow though and who knows wha ye may find. Iffn I must accept wha the Immortals have set out fer me, they must begrudgin?ly put up with my constant questionin? of it.?

Jewell actually laughed, ?I could probably use a bit of optimism. I?ve been just a tad bit gloomy. Sapphire said she never knew I could be so emo, which is some new lingo the kids like to use,? she rolled her eyes, ?but Kal leaving? it felt like someone kicking me when I was already down as low as I could go.? It still did. All the other pain she could lock away, but that just hurt every single time. ?Fortunately, most everyone else has been kind and patient with me, and I appreciate it. And those who haven?t?? Her grey eyes were just a little sharp. ?I can do without them.?

Her stomach growled, prompting her to go after a sea scallop. Koy had been wise to order enough food for two; The Empress liked to pick when she could. After eating that, she chose one of those pieces of bread with the tomatoes on top. ?I?d still like to know why though. Why am I still here? What possible reason could there be? But I guess if the gods want me,? and there was truly some comfort in thinking that, ?then they?ve got me? a giant, broken mess of me. But still me. And at least you and I haven?t been struck down for our questioning. I hear that?s what some gods like to do.? She rolled her eyes, showing what she thought of that. ?It?d be nice if they gave more of a hint now and then, but I suppose I?ll figure it out in time.?

Without asking Koy topped off both their glasses with more wine from the carafe and chuckled. ?Aye, the Gods can be jest as vengeful and vulnerable as the rest of us when pushed too far. But fer now, I haven?t been struck down by lightenin? so I?ll take my wins where I can get ?em.? She glanced up at the sky for comedic effect. ?Heartbreak is a new and shiftin? beast no matter how many times ye ?xperience it. There?s no shame in feelin? the loss. It?s all right iffn ye?re gloomy. Ye?re supposed ta grieve a death, even of a relationship. And then ?nough time will pass tha ye can look back on it from more of a distance with a dull ache ?stead of a searin? pain.? It was an honest if too realistic take on the matter. She didn?t believe in sugarcoating and promising Jewell a future filled with something so much bigger and brighter she would forget Kal completely. It was possible and highly likely the memory would fade but Koy saw nothing wrong in allowing for some piece of us to forever recall what someone meant in another context.

?The beauty in bein? broken is the chance ta rebuild. They say the best works come out of heartbreak anyway. Perhaps ye can take up poetry or paintin?,? Koy grinned again, ?or mebbe ye?ve got somethin? even grander planned??

?I think I?m getting there. Slowly. To the place where it?s a dull ache instead of the searing pain?? She happily took another sip of wine. Unlike the days when it would take quite a bit of alcohol to loosen her tongue, the broken faerie was easily under the influence of spirits. ?It?s funny though, how soon you can forget all your own warnings. Told myself not to go there again, especially not with him. But it felt? safe. Mostly because I never thought he would care that I cared so much even though he didn?t care at all.? It was a twisted little web she had weaved for herself. A damaging one.

?But there is still pain, so I best find something good to do with it all, huh? Maybe painting again.? She swirled the wine slowly before drinking. There used to be a terrible squeeze to her heart every time she thought about painting. Kids trapped in paintings. Lost forever. But her kids were just dead, not in some faerie prison. ?Been a long time since I?ve painted. I suppose I could take that up again. Sapphire bought me a guitar, so I?ve been playing that. Any other suggestions? I find my business and life ambitions rather lacking these days, honestly. Nothing really seems worth doing.?

Feeling close to full, Koy still took a few more sea scallops, the dish proving to be too tasty to resist. ?The mind is often trumped by the heart and loins I?m ?fraid. On the upside, it keeps things interestin? doesn?t it?? She wasn?t making light of Jewell?s failed romance but found a central truth in what the Empress was saying. Koy herself had tried similar vows at different times and could only be grateful for breaking them - she would not have her life with Matt if she had listened to her own inner logic and fear of heartbreak.

?Hmm, iffn this sounds trite ye can tell me, but ye could ?lways volunteer with The Welcome Center. Even though the worst of the threat has gone there?s still lingerin? tensions ?tween some humans and the rest of us. Thia?s still dealin? with gettin? teased fer her ears in a smaller ?xample. Mebbe there?s some kinda outreach or other awareness program ta be done? Or iffn tha?s not yer bag, workin? with newcomers at the Center itself and the culture there could be upliftin.?

?My heart is quite literally broken this time, so perhaps I shouldn?t listen to it going forward. The loins on the other hand?? she laughed at her own somewhat dark joke. ?Should be enough time at Beltane to be figuring that part out at least. We?ll see if I win May Queen and need to marry a Green Man for the night.? She had some ideas on that front which turned her cheeks a little red. ?The Welcome Center though? it doesn?t sound trite at all. I?ll have to think about what I really could offer there,? she didn?t sound wholly convinced that she had much (if anything) to offer.

Something else Koy had mentioned grabbed her attention more thoroughly. ?Do they really tease Thia?? Her brow had furrowed at the idea, finding it both caused her some distress and made her feel incredibly defensive of the little girl. ?When I first had Amanda, I decided there wasn?t anywhere else I wanted to live because I wanted her to be free from stuff like that. I grew up with it, and I didn?t want her to have to deal with the same.?

Koy smirked at the Beltane musing. ?There?s a reason there are so many sayin?s ?bout the way ta start dealin? with gettin? over someone is ta let the loins take the lead so it?s certainly not the worst of ideas.? She patted at her lips with the corner of her cloth napkin, her lipstick a miracle in itself for not leaving a smudge behind. ?Think it over, but iffn ye feel like even comin? ta spend the day with the ole Gripe Men who hang ?round the Center tha?s an option too.? Koy nodded with a small frown at the last question. ?Aye, unfortunately it started when the Temple was stirrin? up so much distaste fer diversity. We?ve talked ?bout it with both Thia ?lone and at the school. It?s a lil better but not gone completely. It?s tough ?cause as ye know I?m not ?bove throwin? a punch fer myself but I can?t have my daughter knockin? out classmates. So we talk more ?bout wha makes her and her brother special, wha makes other folks she can see in town special fer bein? different and keep ?xposin? her ta as many varied people and creatures as we can. But, aye, tha?s somethin? I?ve generally relished ?bout RhyDin too. It?s ?specially stingin? ta me havin? been a Minister of Cultural Diversity here when we had Ministers in the government. Makin? the Welcome Center jest tha, welcomin? ta all, helps but I?m ?lways wonderin? wha more can we do??

Now Koy really had Jewell?s mind whirring. What more can we do? There had to be something more. The real question was did she have the interest, the desire, the energy, the want to do more? She felt lifeless, deflated, apathetic until she thought of little Thia being teased about her ears. Then she felt angry. She had helped defeat the Temple of the Divine Mother in RhyDin by giving up her own life (which sounded a lot more noble than it actually was), but they really hadn?t been defeated, had they? The attitudes that bred them and supported them were still alive and well. The faerie appeared lost for a moment, staring at something over Koy?s shoulder as her finger tapped against the side of her wine glass.

When she focused back in on Koy again, her grey eyes were sharper than they had been. More alert. ?I?m not sure. But I?m going to think about it. I have a lot of time on my hands these days, might as well use it for something good, right?? When the waitress came over with the check, Jewell snagged it and sent her back with money right away. ?And maybe I?ll come visit with the Gripe Men too. Just for fun. Put on something pretty and make their day,? she laughed, sounding a lot more like herself.

Koy laughed, pleased to see the idea spark something in Jewell that had been missing when they first sat down to lunch. ?Aye, they?ll like tha. I?m sure they?ll keep houndin? me ta invite ye ?round more iffn ye do tha.?

?I?ll walk you back to the boutique if you don?t mind? I?m supposed to get as much exercise as possible.?

?Of course. ?Tween this type of strollin? and whaever ?xercises yer Beltane festivities may include,? Koy winked and stood up, pushing her chair in, ?it sounds like ye?re on quite the road ta recovery. Ye?ll be the picture of perfect health in no time.?

Leaving the darker bistro in a flush of good wine, good food and good company, the bright light outside made both women squint and chuckle as they started back for Benson Boulevard.

((Always honored and pleased to write with the brilliant Koy <3))