I took a ride two hours outside the city just to have lunch with my eldest daughter. I miss her since she?s gone away to school. I know it?s better for her there, that I?m opening up countless opportunities for her by making sure she receives a good education, that we still communicate a lot through letters, but I still miss her. I miss her presence in the house, the way she bursts into my room to tell me something without knocking, even our screaming matches. She?s not just my daughter, she?s my friend, my companion for the last eleven years and eleven months.
The noon light filters through the peach colored curtains in the caf? we found to eat in as I look across the table at her. She looks so big sitting there, so old already. Wasn?t she my little baby just a few years ago? It used to be just her and me, all by ourselves. Her posture is so good. Is it silly to notice something like that? She holds herself better than I used to, like she knows she?s in control of herself and nothing can take her down.
?So what?s his name?? She asks without preamble, breaking the companionable silence we had enjoyed as we ate our salads.
?How do you know there?s a he?? I?m amused but I try not to show it, her depth of perception?especially when it concerns me?is unnerving at times.
?Because you?re smiling again,? and she levels one of these looks at me that my four year old has also mastered already. It says, ?I know you better than you think.? Her comment makes me feel badly, too, because it means she noticed that I wasn?t really smiling for a while. She can tell the difference between the smiles I wear.
?Maybe I?m just happy?? It comes out as a question, because I know I can?t fool her. The look she gives me in return clearly states this.
?What?s his name??
?Stephen.?
?Am I going to like him?? She?s arching her brow at me; I can?t believe she can pull of that look already! She?s going to be trouble for poor defenseless males soon. Sometimes I?m proud at the aspects of my personality she?s picked up.
I rolled my eyes a little at her; we?ve been giving each other attitude since the day she learned how to talk. It?s how we coexist. ?Well, that depends on you, doesn?t it? You seemed to like Skyler enough until he moved in and you absolutely flipped out like the little brat you are.? I probably shouldn?t have mentioned Skyler and the way she treated him, I know it makes her feel guilty. I can?t resist though, there?s so few people I feel safe mentioning him to and sometimes I just want to talk about him so bad, even just to hear his name out loud.
I know I?ve definitely said the wrong thing because she mumbles something even too softly for me to hear and is suddenly focused on pushing the remaining pieces of lettuce around on her plate. I sigh; the girl can change moods quicker than a pregnant woman sometimes. I?m so not looking forward to when she?s actually a teenager. ?Yeah, darling, I think you?ll like him a lot.? The look she gives me presses for more and I indulge her, she?s my friend. Who else am I going to gab about my ?crush? with if not her? ?Well?? I draw it out to purposefully antagonize her, it?s worth it to see the exasperation on her face, ?he?s a pirate.?
Amanda?s smile makes it clear that Stephen is off to a good start in her opinion already. It gives me courage to keep going, chatting amiably with her. ?He?s a vampire,? she appears to be thinking that one over a little more so I push on, ?a really good story-teller. He likes to sing too and it?s nice to listen to. I won his hat from him at cards. He helped me one night when I was a mess in the Inn.? I give my daughter a wry smile, ?You know, weeping, totally flipping out?that whole routine.? Amanda nods, she knew. She?d dealt with it before. ?He?s kind of got this tough-guy, I?m-no-good, exterior and all but?he?s sweet.?
?So, what?s the catch?? She eyes me cynically. It?s that cynicism in her that really has me worried sometimes. Why is my little girl like that so young? What have I put her through to make her view life so pessimistically at times?
I have a mental list of my sins, to answer those questions, that is never ending.
?Well, he has some problems but??
?So do you,? she finishes for me.
?Right.?
The noon light filters through the peach colored curtains in the caf? we found to eat in as I look across the table at her. She looks so big sitting there, so old already. Wasn?t she my little baby just a few years ago? It used to be just her and me, all by ourselves. Her posture is so good. Is it silly to notice something like that? She holds herself better than I used to, like she knows she?s in control of herself and nothing can take her down.
?So what?s his name?? She asks without preamble, breaking the companionable silence we had enjoyed as we ate our salads.
?How do you know there?s a he?? I?m amused but I try not to show it, her depth of perception?especially when it concerns me?is unnerving at times.
?Because you?re smiling again,? and she levels one of these looks at me that my four year old has also mastered already. It says, ?I know you better than you think.? Her comment makes me feel badly, too, because it means she noticed that I wasn?t really smiling for a while. She can tell the difference between the smiles I wear.
?Maybe I?m just happy?? It comes out as a question, because I know I can?t fool her. The look she gives me in return clearly states this.
?What?s his name??
?Stephen.?
?Am I going to like him?? She?s arching her brow at me; I can?t believe she can pull of that look already! She?s going to be trouble for poor defenseless males soon. Sometimes I?m proud at the aspects of my personality she?s picked up.
I rolled my eyes a little at her; we?ve been giving each other attitude since the day she learned how to talk. It?s how we coexist. ?Well, that depends on you, doesn?t it? You seemed to like Skyler enough until he moved in and you absolutely flipped out like the little brat you are.? I probably shouldn?t have mentioned Skyler and the way she treated him, I know it makes her feel guilty. I can?t resist though, there?s so few people I feel safe mentioning him to and sometimes I just want to talk about him so bad, even just to hear his name out loud.
I know I?ve definitely said the wrong thing because she mumbles something even too softly for me to hear and is suddenly focused on pushing the remaining pieces of lettuce around on her plate. I sigh; the girl can change moods quicker than a pregnant woman sometimes. I?m so not looking forward to when she?s actually a teenager. ?Yeah, darling, I think you?ll like him a lot.? The look she gives me presses for more and I indulge her, she?s my friend. Who else am I going to gab about my ?crush? with if not her? ?Well?? I draw it out to purposefully antagonize her, it?s worth it to see the exasperation on her face, ?he?s a pirate.?
Amanda?s smile makes it clear that Stephen is off to a good start in her opinion already. It gives me courage to keep going, chatting amiably with her. ?He?s a vampire,? she appears to be thinking that one over a little more so I push on, ?a really good story-teller. He likes to sing too and it?s nice to listen to. I won his hat from him at cards. He helped me one night when I was a mess in the Inn.? I give my daughter a wry smile, ?You know, weeping, totally flipping out?that whole routine.? Amanda nods, she knew. She?d dealt with it before. ?He?s kind of got this tough-guy, I?m-no-good, exterior and all but?he?s sweet.?
?So, what?s the catch?? She eyes me cynically. It?s that cynicism in her that really has me worried sometimes. Why is my little girl like that so young? What have I put her through to make her view life so pessimistically at times?
I have a mental list of my sins, to answer those questions, that is never ending.
?Well, he has some problems but??
?So do you,? she finishes for me.
?Right.?