There was a burden on Skyler?s heart, heavy and oppressive. There was something between them, it seemed. What was it? How would he address it? She was right about her idea of secrets. They may not have been true secrets, those unspoken things looming in their pasts. A secret was some bit of knowledge deliberately withheld. Yet how much stronger would that make them, were they to know each other?s deepest darkest undisclosed histories, feelings, ideals? Could he really say what was on his mind about the matter? In the darkness of room seven, with his arms wrapped around Jewell, he found himself numbed by the burden.

Her question, drifting out of the darkness, washed the burden away in an instant. At first the question seemed so perfect, so welcome, he thought he had imagined it. He simply lay there and breathed, reflecting. It was the same thing he?d wanted to ask, but she had asked it for him.

Skyler knew that communication was the most vital key of any relationship. If a couple could communicate, the intimacy and trust and understanding and love would flourish. Everything was built on communication. On the contrary, if they couldn?t communicate, they were likely doomed. They had to be able to tell each other exactly what was on their minds, without compunction. If they couldn?t, those unspoken feelings would build up inside, slowly creating a wedge between them.

For a while Skyler had doubted his ability to communicate with Jewell. Yet, slowly but surely, as they grew to know and understand one another more, the communication was coming. Their conversations became more and more meaningful and deep. Now, with her suggestion that they share secrets with one another, he felt closer to her than he ever had.

?That?s a really good idea.? He sighed out this phrase in a breathy tone of relief. He snuggled against her, lying on his side facing Jewell. He traced the soft pad of his fingertip down the hourglass curves of the side of her body; beginning at her shoulder, down her arm, along her waist, over her hip, then down her thigh. ?Would you like to go first??

He laughed softly. "I promise not to hate you, no matter what you say." Her apprehension was cute. As if anything she could tell him would make him love her any less. On the contrary, the fact that she would be willing to tell him things of that nature was a huge attraction. There would be nothing he wouldn't understand and accept.

Of course, Skyler wasn't so sure if Jewell would feel the same way when he revealed his own past. There were so many instances of reckless sexuality, so many women, so much criminality, so much mischief and mayhem. He would tell her, though, anything and everything. He would put it all out there, in as gentle terms as possible.

In a way Skyler even looked forward to it. It would show him how much he had changed since Jewell came into his life. It would make it perfectly clear to both of them how the woman had helped to make him a better person.

He brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers, smiling at her in the darkness, waiting for her to begin.

It seems like yesterday
But it was long ago
Janey was lovely, she was the queen of my nights
There in the darkness with the radio playing low
And the secrets that we shared
The mountains that we moved
Caught like a wildfire out of control
Till there was nothing left to burn and nothing left to prove

-Bob Seger



He heard the shame and self-loathing in her voice and his heart immediately went out to her. Oh, Jewell.. She had so many misconceptions. She was blaming herself for something that was obviously no fault of her own. By the time she finished speaking, Skyler was gnawing at the bit, anxious to put the situation in perspective. He spoke to her in simplistic, caring, logical tones, those of a born teacher who loves his job and has a class of attentive, interested students ready to soak up his knowledge like sponges.

?This is what happens when you let a traumatizing situation fester inside your head for so long without telling anyone. The situation itself is so confusing and difficult, coupled with the fact that your emotions are a wreck ? it makes it nearly impossible to sort out, and it ends up distorting who you are.?

He paused, taking a deep, steadying breath. He slid his hand up her spine and neck, burrowing his fingers into her hair, gently massaging the back of her scalp. ?It wasn?t your fault. How could it be? You were so young and someone was taking advantage of you. If I go outside, shove some little kid in the mud and take his lunch money, is it his fault? Hell no.?

Again he paused, allowing some time for his words to sink in. While he waited, he softly kissed her forehead, pressing his lips against her skin for a long moment before drawing them back. ?I believe the whole purpose of you undergoing that situation was to learn from it. Mistakes are invaluable in life, because they teach us. Think about it. You have a valuable knowledge in your mind because of that situation, knowledge to guide yourself as you continue to live and knowledge to pass on to others. If you never went through that, you might still be naive in that way, then the next domineering jerk could come along and exploit you in the same manner.?

A sigh escaped him. He probably sounded like a preacher, yet more things kept popping into his mind, things he had to say. ?I think it may be a good thing that it effects the things you do now. Because, for the record, I think you?re strong just about all of the time. I love that about you. Sometimes I?m awed and humbled by the strength I see in you. And, on the very rare occasion I see in you a moment of weakness, I love that about you too. Not everyone can be strong and impenetrable all the time. It only endears you to me even more. It shows that you?ve got your flaws just like everyone else, just like me.?

Enough. He could go on, but he would spare her. Besides, he was too curious about how she had gotten free of the situation. He?d clearly heard her voice hitch and trail off when her tale came to that point. That was where he wanted to go next. There was pain down that path, pain he needed to experience with her so he could share it with her, try to relieve her of it.

Skyler?s voice was a hushed, reverent whisper. ?Now, tell me ? how did you get free of the situation?? Waiting patiently for her to reply, giving her all the time she needed, he curled himself more fully around her smaller body, pulling her head against the warmth of his chest, still massaging her scalp.

He listened to her account quietly and soberly. He thought of more things to say, but he had said enough. It was time to just lay back and absorb the rest of the story. When she finished, Skyler continued to cradle her, rubbing her head in the darkness, quietly reflecting.

His heart ached for her the most when she told about the four children and six pregnancies. Having never had a child of his own, he probably couldn?t entirely wrap his mind around the pain involved for a woman who loses her child, but he had a fairly accurate idea. He?d heard that it was something she never forgot for the rest of her life, a pain and sadness and feeling of loss that never fully went away.

He listened with great interest when she described her feelings leading up to the arrival of her first baby. He?d thought a lot about children, though he never really told anyone. He had mentioned it to Jewell once, but she had shot him down, and she was right for doing so. He pictured himself as a father, thought about all the things about him that would make him well-suited for the role; his loyalty, dedication, his playfulness, his love of showing affection. But then he remembered all the things about him that wouldn?t bode well for a parent; his immaturity, his criminal career, his recklessness, his irresponsibility, the company he kept, his youth. Jewell was right. Parenthood was something he wasn?t cut out for.

Skyler was relieved to hear that Jewell?s story had a somewhat happy ending. Well, maybe not happy, but at least optimistic. The man who abused her ended up dead, and she had gotten free of him. ?I?m glad he got what he deserved,? he whispered. ?His control over you was the one thing he coveted over anything else. He saw you as a possession. When you fought back, his pride was so strong that he would kill you before losing you. He didn?t love you, he loved controlling you. He was a weak, pathetic guy who oppressed you to make himself feel more powerful. At least ... that?s the way it seems to me.?

Then he let the silence loom for a long while, holding her closely, allowing her time to recover from the emotional uproar she was most likely experiencing. Inside, he was dealing with his own emtions. His heart was aching for her, feeling her pain channeling through the invisible bond of love that connected them.

?Something true about myself...? So now it was his turn. Where to begin? There were so many things she didn?t know about him. Mostly bad things; bad things which had happened to him, as well as bad things he had done. But that was Skyler. His past was a part of him. If Jewell loved him, she would accept him for who he was, his unfortunate past included. However, just as she had feared that he would reject her after learning her history, Skyler feared the same from her. It would take a lot of bravery for him to recount the experiences, but he trusted her, and was willing to put his heart on the line.

He considered starting with something happy. But the problem was he couldn?t think of much at all that was nice. Just about all of the happy moments in his life were spent with either Erin or Jewell herself, and it was a little too soon to tell Jewell about the Little Girl Under the Eaves. That was a tale he really had to be prepared to tell. There were thoughts to gather and emotions to prepare for. Furthermore, her own secrets had been somber in nature. It would disrupt the mood were he to talk about something happy, not that there was much. Thus, he elected to start at his early childhood.

It dawned on him that he?d never told another soul in RhyDin about his parents. This would be the first telling of the tale, right here and now.

?There?s a country on Earth called Japan. That?s where I was born. I told you about that, right?? He let out a great sigh, his body deflating. He rolled onto his back and stared sadly at the ceiling, gathering himself. When he began to talk again, he spoke with a sort of remorseful reluctance and grave reverence, as if he was reading from a forbidden storybook whose words would corrupt anyone who heard or read them. ?When I was little, my father was famous. He was the most feared man in the Empire ? the Shogun?s Decapitator. He cut off the heads of four-hundred and seventy men, under the orders of his maniacal master. It was a bad time for the Empire. It was a bad time for my family.?

He paused and closed his eyes, sending his mind back to those times, searching for the words to accurately describe them.

?Since my dad was hardly ever home, my mom had lots of men over. She wasn?t exactly a prostitute in the conventional sense, but she was quite ?renowned for her hospitality,? if you get my meaning. From as far back as I can remember up until the day I moved out, she entertained men at our home. I don?t know if she was lonely and did it to feel better, or if she did it to spite my father. She hated my father.?

The tale didn?t seem to be painful for him to tell. He must have come to grips with the reality of the situation long ago, for his voice flowed out in smooth rhythm, although that haunted, grim storytelling tone persisted.

?One night she got into a fight with the man she had over. He hit me and I ran out of the house, all the way to the Shogun?s castle where my father worked. I . . .? And here he paused long enough to make a conscious decision to omit a segment of the story. Surely the trauma of that episode would shatter his composure, and he had no wish to crap on Jewell?s mind with those grisly details. Besides, what happened in the dungeon had no effect on the outcome of the story. ? . . . I found him, eventually. He was not happy to see me, and he marched me all the way home. When we arrived, my mother was inside in bed with her lover. My father killed the man in front of me and whipped my mom with his belt until she cried. Then he took me back to my room and gave me his sword. I learned to use it pretty well, with no help from him."

He paused briefly and took a big, steadying breath, steeling himself for the last part.

"As I got older I saw less and less of him. The last time I saw him he told me that I was accident, that he never loved me or my mother, that he knew she was having affairs and he didn?t do anything about it because she would have been executed and then he would have had to take care of me, which would have been the worst thing ever to happen in the whole universe. He told me he was sorry for bringing me into the world, and that he didn?t love me because I looked like a girl and because he had a new family.?

That about summed it up. He spewed out those last few facts in a flat, matter-of-fact tone. Apparently, the pain of that final meeting where he learned the truth about his father had long since stopped effecting him. There were more details, yes, but he was giving the abridged version to Jewell. Hearing most of the details would be about as pleasant as having her teeth pulled, so he spared her. He had gotten the point across. His childhood had been less than grand.

?The only happy memory I have of my father is when he took me fishing. Otherwise, he was a distant, haunted man. I have no happy memories of my mother. I never saw her again after I moved out of the house. About the only thing she ever taught me was that sex was a casual thing to engage in whenever possible with whoever was available.? His tone with that last sentence was one of embarrassed vexation. ?Of course, I know better now. But, for a time, I admit that I shared her ideology.? Suddenly he snapped his eyelids closed. Even though it was dark, he was embarrassed and ashamed to have her look at him. He had to tell her. Some how, some way, he had to tell her. He struggled to find a way to sugar coat the next morsel of truth. ?So, like, um, I?ll spare you the exact number, but I?ve defiled myself pretty thoroughly.?

It was morbidly amusing. Before he met Jewell and started to change as a person, he remembered that the exact number of women he?d pleasured had been something he once bragged to Tommy about. Now, because he was in love with Jewell, it only shamed him.

He lay frozen in the darkness, afraid to turn his head sideways to look at her, afraid to see the look on her face. What expression would her face hold? Revulsion? Disgust? Skyler was afraid to find out. He kept hiding behind closed eyes, waiting for her reaction. One bizarrely humorous thought surfaced in his mind as he thought back on the story he?d just told. Boy, when I come clean, I really leave a ring around the tub.

Jewell said all the right things. Hearing her words put him in a state of astonished awe. Suddenly, he could almost physically feel his trust in her growing and solidifying. She?d heard some of his innermost feelings and hadn?t shunned him or acted disgusted by it, as he feared. Instead she accepted it and opened to him even more. Skyler knew it was genuine. He could feel her love, pulsing strongly with every word, every touch. It was humbling. Now, that last meeting with his father caused even less heartache than it ever had, because Jewell?s love rendered his father?s lack thereof meaningless. Someone could love him. If such an amazing creature as Jewell could love him, it really was Fredrick?s own shortcomings that made him incapable. Not Skyler?s.

Her thoughts on sex gave him a lot of food for thought. Her first description sounded like the way his mother had utilized it, and, in turn, the way Skyler himself had learned to use it ? for a brief period of pleasure. Her second description, after being more than two years removed from his former lifestyle, seemed to him as the ?right? way. It seemed that it would make the act so much more significant and special and glorious to use it as a method of expressing love to another person.

Lying in the darkness with Jewell?s arms around him, he became certain of one thing. It soared to the forefront of his mind quickly and powerfully, a marvelous realization that he simply had to share with her. He turned his head to the side so that his face was almost touching hers, and whispered. ?I have no desire to have sex with anyone but you ever again.? She might not find that as incredible as him, but there were times when Skyler would walk into a room and make it his goal to have sex with any female he thought was attractive. Nowadays, however, Jewell was the only one he was interested in being with in that manner. Now that he thought about it, he hadn?t felt attracted to anyone but her for quite some time. The way he felt making love to Jewell . . . he had never felt that way with anyone else. Maybe that was love.

Wow, what a confession that was? He braced for a lecture about how forever was a long time and things might change, but Skyler had no regret about telling Jewell that. There was no room in his mind for the possibility of things changing. He loved her and saw nothing wrong with sharing his sentiments with her when they came to him, especially as clear and vividly as that last one had materialized. ?I suppose that doesn?t really bother you, does it, J-Bug? My life will probably go by in a blink of your eye, being immortal and all. I can say things like that, having such a short time here on this earth compared to you. I know you couldn?t say the same, and I wouldn?t want you to. Just know that I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart. ?

He grew quiet, listening to the sound of his breathing.

No response immediately came to him. It was a surreal moment, exchanging sentiments of that magnitude. It was amazing to him that he was able to spill out something like that and have it reciprocated. Her nipping of his ear spawned a grin on his face and a little wiggle of contentment. Skyler wondered if he?d ever had a more intimate moment in his life.

He was surprised at how good he felt after telling Jewell the story of his childhood, or part of it. He?d never been able to tell that to anyone, to really get it off his chest. Now that he had, it was like he?d undergone really intense, helpful therapy, like a huge burden had been lifted. He felt light, airy, elated.

Suddenly, something odd dawned on him. He?d been in RhyDin for two years, but he didn?t really feel any older. He was eighteen years old . . . or so he thought. Had he actually forgotten about his birthday? Funny, he didn?t feel any older. He didn?t look any older. Maybe there was some magic on this planet that miraculously preventing him from aging? Whatever the reason, it didn?t really bother him.. He wouldn?t mind staying young forever.

Somehow, though, he doubted that was really the case. Surely he would start to show signs of aging eventually, right? Grinning, he asked, ?Jewell, what will you do when I?m eighty and all old and wrinkly and shriveled up with all my hair and teeth gone??

Chuckling, Skyler ran his hands back through his long pretty shiny black hair. ?I don?t know what I?d do without my hair. I?d look pretty horrible bald.? As his laughter tapered off, he turned his head and looked directly into her eyes, feeling an instant craving for her. It was a hunger, a fiery need of animalistic nature, coming out of nowhere like a bolt of lightning. Perhaps it was the emotional intimacy they?d shared, now followed by a burning physical desire. ?I better put this body to use while it?s still pretty,? he whispered. Then, purring lustfully, he pulled the blankets over their bodies and aggressively rolled on top of Jewell.