Topic: Regret and Remorse.

Erinalle Dunbridge

Date: 2006-11-22 00:43 EST
Erin slinked up to Cassie and Bastian's house. She sat on the porch a long moment staring at the letter in her hand. She wasn't sure it was the right thing.. that he would even read it. But she had waited for him to come to her house.. what she was begining to think of as their home for hours now. Sure, he may still be at the doctor, or perhaps he had gotten lost... No, it was all wishful thinking. He was done with her. She had made sure of that. A long sigh as she looked at the small white envelope. What did she have to lose? Nothing... not anymore.

Erin stood and went to the door. For a second she thought of knocking, but she couldn't say what she needed to. Couldn't express it as well as in the letter. The envelope in her hand was dropped in the mail slot before she turned to walk back down the steps. One last look over her shoulder and she skurried into the dark, a hand on her holster.




Bastian-

I'm leaving this for you because I can't sleep. Can't eat. I can't stand for things to be like this between us. I can't think you're mad at me anymore. I need you. More than I've needed anyone in the world. Ever. I just need you to be there, to look at me and let me tell you the inconsistencies of my day, and the stupid things that have happened. I need you to eat dinner when I burn it, and let me bring you a meal when you're working. I need the Bastian that was on that cargo crate with me; while in my mind I was begging that that moment would never end, begging that I could freeze time so that you would never look at me any other way.

What I said the other day... I meant it. I love you. This is a stupid thing to come between us. I just.. I don't want you to hurt anymore. I really don't care about the magic. Just the pain... and I'm scared. I'm scared of rejection and of your fear. I'm scared that you think I'm not good enough for you anymore. I'm scared you'll realize that this place really isn't for you, and you'll leave me. I'm scared that you'll find you really love Truly and I was just a passing diversion.

God, I miss you. I miss talking to you and *being* with you in a way that makes me feel alive and wonderful. I love that you hold me at night, even when I cry and that you're there for me. I do. I miss the closeness we had.. before this. That I could tell you anything, and you could see what I meant just by looking at me. I miss your eyes. I want to be your partner, I want us to discuss and make decisions.. not be silent or yell. Have dinner with me. A date. A real one.. with candlelight and I'll wear a dress. You can wear a suit. We could drink wine and dance and talk... be together. Courting. Like back home. Please, come to dinner with me tomorrow, Bastian? Can this be normal? Just for a night? If fit has to end.. and please don't say it does... give me at least one more night.

Love Always,
Erin

Sebastian

Date: 2006-11-22 10:05 EST
It was probably one of the worst nights of his life. Yes, even more so than when Erin was attacked. At least then he still had her then.

But he ruined it.

He lost his temper, and rightly so, but that didn?t excuse his childish behavior afterwards. After the shouting match with Erin, Bastian stumbled down the alley and towards home. He was upset that he?d allowed his fear of magic to get in the way of their relationship. He was also angry that Erin did, too. It hurt that she pushed and pushed their argument so far as suggesting a break up. Over his hand? That blew his mind. It really did.

That?s not to say she?s the only one who was to blame. He just had to get all defensive?to hide his fear. That?s what it really was. It wasn?t that he just didn?t like magic, Bastian was actually afraid of it. That?s how he was raised. He can?t help it. Geez, Cassandra doesn?t even use her magic and he was scared of her for years. So, because he was too proud to admit that simple fact, he had allowed her fussing concern over him escalate into a fight. And now?he was alone. She?d broken up with him?but he?s the one who walked away. He should have apologized. He should have hugged her. He should have relented. He should have-??.. should have done a lot of things. But you can?t change the past.

He stopped to see if a doctor was available, but there were none. He?d have to live with his foolish choice for another night. When he finally reached home, anyone with eyes would be able to tell he was in pain. The throbbing in his hand was mind numbing! He took a few pain killers and stumbled upstairs to get some sleep, but it never came. He just kept thinking about how much he missed Erin. His bed was cold. There was no one to cuddle up against.

Well on into the night, Bastian found himself gasping in pain. Gods he?s so stupid. He struggled from his bed and stood by the window. There was Erin! Luckily, he was on the top floor so she probably wouldn?t be able to see him. He smiled, despite the hurt he was feeling towards her right now. He waited by the window until she stepped onto the porch and out of view. From there, he slowly made his way into the hallway, down the length of the house, down the stairs and over to the front door. Didn?t want to wake Cassandra. Didn?t want to jostle his hand too much. He had to be careful.

He made it downstairs just in time to see the letter slipping through the letter slot. His heart sank. Letters were never good. Not this late at night. Not after fights?.and definitely not when she didn?t even knock. She didn?t want to see him. She didn?t want to talk. He frowned as she slinked away and he bent to pick up the letter with his good hand. Sebastian held it for a long time, just staring at the envelope. He couldn?t deal with this tonight. He didn?t need anymore bad news?the letter probably said something terrible. Something he didn?t want to read.

With a sigh, the letter was tossed onto the mail stand and he went back upstairs. The letter wasn?t opened until the morning.

*Now* he felt like an asshole.

Erinalle Dunbridge

Date: 2006-11-22 10:57 EST
It seemed like eternity. The wait. Perhaps Erin slept... fitfull sleep, if anything. Lydia had given her a wonderful outfit, and she had tried it on three, no four times now. Doing her hair, messing with makeup. Lydia had come back and gone to bed hours ago. Erin wasn't sure if she was in there with Grem... if she could wake her up. So, she kept pacing. The length of her room, the length of the hall, up and down the staircase. Back again.

When morning came Erin dressed as if in a dream. Motions were automatic. One after another... first she pulled on a shirt, then a skirt, then combed her hair, then washed her face. She grabbed her purse, pulled it on, then slid on shoes. She was walking down the hall, down the stairs, and out the door. Feet kept carrying her further and further from the house. Was it six? Was it seven? She wasn't sure. But she was headed towards his house Not that she knew that... she had no idea what she was doing.

Slender fingers drew a cigarette from her pack, replacing it in her pocked she withdrew the lighter and lit it. She paused before she passed Bastian's house again. She frowned at it, biting her lip. This was too much. She was coming on too strong. She had to stop.. her letter said it all, and if he still...is he wanted her... he would come. So, she turned on her heel and walked away, slow steps back towards home.