-Entry 1 *sparkle Sparkle*

Grey Daze - Drag

Torture me
Make me feel like I am real
Torture me
Drag me under you
Time lifts me up and down
Time makes me
SHUT UP

Life is much to short to be intoxicated
Life is much to short to be a drag

Please treat me
Like I am a fallen angel
Surpass me
Tell me
LIES

(You can tell me...lies)

Drag
Drag
Drag

Dear Spankin new Diary:

Mmm, I love the smell of brand new paper. Hi, how are you, new diary? I'm dandy, thanks for asking. Yep, a new diary for a new part of my life. Thriving motherhood. I've never been happier with someone in my long life. So thank you, Damien. Thank you for shedding light to everything. Thank you for showing how great I have it, without you - without love. No, I have love. It's perfect and pure; it's my daughter. That's something you could never give me, Damien. For the first time in a long time, I thank you. I may even forgive you now. I may even stop hating you. I may even stop thinking about you at all. But I'll tell you one thing, you better thank Claira for being the reason of all this.

I saw my lil Tina Monster the other night. She's getting so big. Oh, she has the wildest red curls that reminds me of Claira's hair. She showed me a few of the attack moves that she learned at magic school. All I gotta say is... Run for the hills! This kid blew up a chair with a lightening bolt from her fingertips! Egag!

So last night I hung out at the inn. Oh my gaw, big news here. We think Rhy is pregnant.. Oh my... god! I'm going to be an aunt!.... Again! Yay! Well, they said that it was just two nights ago... But damnit! She better be! Then they went into details and I started to freak out. Rhy is going to look soooo cute with a lil preggo tummy! I can't wait! Daniel is going to be a big brother. Awwww.

I spent most of the night with Casper, my lil man. He's about four or five. The poor thing is scared of just about anything besides me. He's even scared to come near me when there's a lot of people around me. He makes me want to have a little boy. He's so cute. He was all blushy around Ree. I asked if he wanted to talk to her and he said yea, but he mostly talked into my shoulder most of the night. He even talked to Lain a little. Lain thinks I'm growing kids, heh. Sometimes I think that's the only thing I'm good at doing... being a mother. I think that's the best thing I could only be good at. Casper has the whitest skin... even Claira has darker skin than he does. That's the only thing unnatural about that purely human child. I wonder if I could adopt him.

I don't want to tell Claira about Rhy might being pregnant. She'd go crazy and start poofing in baby stuff nine months early. Rhy and I agreed tht we should work on our potty mouthes. Maybe I should set us up classes. Hm. But I don't really slip around Claira. I say damn, but I don't really see that as a dirty word. Then again, if I ever heard Claira say that I'd prolly pop her one. Hm, ya give and ya take.

Oooo, and I talked Ryo into moving into the CZK house. Yay, no more boredom for Claira and I! Yea, Claira and I get bored. Ly has been gone lately, and Rhy is always with Dean... seeing as they are MARRIED. The other girls come and go... while Claira and I stay.... every night. I don't remember the last time I stayed away from the CZK house while I was in RhyDin. But now we'll have Ryo, our favorite gay man. Yea, I know we're not supposed to have guys at the house staying, but Ryo isn't really a guy. He's Ryo! My BGF! So one day soon I'm helping him move in.

But I guess that's it for now. Hm, I'm happy with my new found happiness. I'm totally and completely over Damien, and I don't even hate him anymore. Funny what spending time with a six year old can do for you. Well, not saying that it Damien messes with me or my friends that I wouldn't kill him on the spot. No, that's not it at all. Frankly, I wouldn't even think twice about slitting his throat. It's just that I have no feelings at all towards him. The part of my heart that he did hold is now a empty void. It feels good to be free.

I feel totally at ease. Not a worry in the world could drag me down. Traaaa-la-la-la-laaaa!

Kisses,
Jade Eli Ravenlock Rogue<3

-Entry 3

Godsmack - Temptation

Oh sh!t...

It crawls down deep inside
Without a pulse or a will to die
Not known to sympathize
And now it takes what it takes
And let's the feeling suffocate
It's nothing new it'll get it's way
Another thing that I see is how it gets inside of me
And tears away my life

It's time to love, It's time to hate
It's coming face to face trying to desecrate
No time at all to break away
Temptation, still got a hold on me

It's awake even when you sleep
It breaths without a heartbeat
Making me incomplete
And now I know what I know
Expect the demon down below
To surface through my mortal soul
And now it looks to be smiling as it's killing me
Day to day, eye to eye

It's time to love, It's time to hate
It's coming face to face trying to desecrate
No time at all to break away
Temptation, still got a hold on me

Dear Diary:

I think this may be short. The inn was dead. Like shoot me in the face dead. I spent most of the night talking to Lain. It wasn't that bad. At least I had a friend there to talk to. I didn't stay long. Just an hour or two. I put Claira to bed then went to the inn. I'm getting so attached. I can't be without her for more than a few hours or I'll start missing her. I'm going to hate it when she asks to go to Shiverport... or stay with her daddy. Oi, I'll hate that so bad. I wouldn't know what to do with myself all alone. Just thinking of the amount of boredom I'll have scares me. I don't know what it is not to be a mom anymore... to be my own person. Bajeebs. I just won't think about it. I don't think Claira's even thought about it yet... or at least she hasn't said anything. Oi.

So anyway... Lain and I talked about how she's dating this guy named Tenzo... after her dog like jumped me. It wasn't that bad. After all, Kota's dog Luke jumped me before. That kinda hurt. So if I can make it past Luke, I can make it past any other dog. And like Luke, Lain's dog just licked me to death. Ew, dog slobber. That's why I prefer cats. Less mess... besides a hair ball here and there. But! Anyway! Back to what I was saying! So we were talking and I found out that she was over a hundred. Can you believe it? Ain't that a kicker? Here I was always thinking that she was like twenty something! Bah. She laughed at me for forgetting that she was elven. Oi.

So, we talked about how she was dating this Tenzo guy, right? Well, it turns out that he's only like... nineteen! Holy crow! And I feel bad when I date twenty somethings! But ya know, age is just a number. I've learned that. It's what's on the inside that counts. As long as you care for a person, its the only thing that matters. Think of no one else's opinions. Think only of yourself. I believe that'll be my new motto or something.

So I was starting to have one of my Claira withdrawls and I decided to leave. I told Lain that if she saw Kota to tell him I had to jet. Lain was kinda perplexed because I think she forgot who he is. But I know she knows who he is. She's got to. Though Wil, ya know - The Badsider ad model Wil, looked at me funny when I said Kota's name. Oi, is the mob starting even before we go on the date? Mmm, let the games begin! You know how I do love stirring the people of RhyDin up.

Sometimes I think I should just get out of the lime light and stuff... then other times I'm like 'screw it'! Hell, I'll never stop causing controversy. It just ain't me. I'll never stop getting attention. But screw what people think, ya know? I'm livin my life (undead life, that is) and their livin their's. I ain't causin them any harm. Yea, I'll ruffle a few feathers... but I won't hurt anyone.

But it's just a date. Jeez, not like its anything serious. We're both 'anti-serious' right now. Jadey doesn't want attachment. Jadey is talking in third person. How about we stop that, hm? So we're going to take things slooooow. The total 'anti-relationship' relationship. We're awesome like that. We were friends first. That's the key there. But that can't stop us from having fun, right?

Kisses,
J-Z

-Entry 5

Nine Inch Nails - Don't You Know What You Are?

tried to sneak myself through, tried to get to the other side
I had to patch up the cracks and the holes that I have to hide
For a little bit of time even made it work okay
Just long enough to really make it hurt
When they figured me out and it all just rotted away

Don't you ____ing know what you are?
Go on get back to where you belong!

You better take a good look cause I'm full of shit
With every bit of my heart I've tried to believe in it
You can dress it all up, you can try to pretend
But you can't change anything
You can't change anything
In the end

Remember where you came from, remember what you are

Don't you ____ing know what you are?
Go on get back to where you belong!

Dear Diary:

I feel like sh!t. Completely and utterly. I wanna curl up in a big blob of ew. Let's go over the high lights of the past two days, shall we? Yesterday, just peachy. Tonight? Not so much.

Let's start with yesterday. I took Claira to the inn and low and behold the lovely beau was there. Yadda yadda, flirting flirting. And Claira asked Kota some embarassing things such as "Mister Dakota, are you going to rock mommy to sleep?" Ack! Oh geez. And she went into us playing "dollies" and "Doctor" together. Baaaa-jeebs. Kota thought it was funny damnit.

I coulda killed Darky. He actually brought up telling Claira that she was cloned from me and Darky... while she and Michale were there! He didn't say it out loud... but gave me a note. Oh, I was soooo pissed! He wanted her to know because in his home kingdom, he's king. With her being his DNA... that'd make her a princess. Great. If she wasn't spoiled enough.

And OH MY GOD! You know Kota's twin sister he told me about? She's in RhyDin! They reunited right before my very eyes! She's eighty times more pretty than he could have ever said in words. She's a ex-model after all. Claira already is in love with her. She said that she wanted to grow up to be just like Aiyana. Though... Aiyana called Kota 'Shikoba'. Hm? I suppose that's his real name before he changed it coming here to RhyDin. I suppose. I listened as he told her about his 16 years away from her... His story... was so sad. His addictions... his exes... fighting and living with addictions. And at that moment, I made it my mission to save him from his demons... if he'll let me.

But it was so sad! The sweet sad! They both were crying. And I was crying because they were crying. It was a mess. If they saw me crying... they might have given me weird looks. "Why the hell are you crying for?"

Kota had to go and asked if I could show Aiyana where he lived because she didn't have anywhere to stay. I said yes, I'd show her and kissed him goodnight. When she wanted to go, I walked her to Kota's apartment. On the walk I told her I'd talk Kota into letting her stay at the CZK house. More room and more people of her same gender. You think about it.

Now onto the crap fest. I got into a fight with Tristy. If I didn't feel crappy enough not waiting for Tristy... we had to fight. I don't even really want to get into it, I feel so horrible. I treated that boy like all the other girls in his life. I tried to tell him that it was for the best that we stayed friends... that I was bad news. Hell, I'm pretty sure if I was him I'd never want to see my sorry arse again. I wouldn't blame him. Why can't he see that I'm saving him from all the bullsh!t that is me? Gods. But it hurts... that I may have lost one of my good friends.

And Char was there. We didn't fight or argue... but her looks killed me. I hurt her too. I told her that people change and that we (Kota and I) were at the point in our lives where we both know we muffed up and we're ready to change. She said to not get attached or hope for anything other than a fling because that's all he'll want. Neither of us want love at this point. Neither of us want total attachment. Just each other's company. Someone that was in the same boat as the other. Someone to fall back to. I mean, I might like more somewhere down the road when we're more than a date into the relationship.

I had to go because my motherly senses were tingling. Claira's blood was low. She was a little faint, but was okay after I fed her. She asked if she could stay with her daddy. That killed me. The first thing she asks for when she gets better while mommy was having a sh!tty day? To see her daddy. Ugh. I told her I'd bring her over to her daddy's in a few days after I talked to him. Oh, my nights just got lonelier. Though she did ask about Dakota and Aiyna. That made me feel better.

Ryo found a rose and a note behind the bar that Dakota must have left for me eariler. It did have my name on it after all. The note reads: "Hope you're having a beautiful day. I can't wait to see you again. Dakota." Too bad that it wasn't beautiful at all. Far from it. Maybe beautifully horrible. Though I did 'aw' at the note. Thoughtful boy he is. He's in his thirty's... Can I still call him boy?

I think I'll go rain the fridge for booze. I need a drink or fifty while Claira's asleep.

Jadden Elinore

-Entry 7

Jade's version of Miley Cyrus' "See You Again" ((LOL))

I've got my sights set on you and I'm ready to aim
I have a heart that will never be tamed
I knew you were something special
When you spoke my name
Now I can't wait to see you again

I've got a way of knowing when something is right
I feel like I must have known you in another life
Cause I felt this deep connection when you looked in my eyes
Now I can't wait to see you again

The last time I freaked out
I just kept looking down
I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinking about
Felt like I couldn't breathe
You asked what's wrong with me
My best friend Rhy said "Oh she's just being Jadey"
The next time we hang out
I will redeem myself
My heart it can't rest till then
I can't wait to see you again

I got this crazy feeling, deep inside
When you called and asked to see me tomorrow night
I'm not a mind reader but I'm reading the signs
That you can't wait to see me again

I got my sight set on you and I'm ready to aim

oh oh oh oh oh
I - I can't wait to see you again

Dear Diary:

Today was ... awesome! Compared to the last two days... Ch-yea. It was the bomb diggety. I spent the entiiire day with Kota. Squeeeel. I know, happy factor after I didn't even make it out of the CZK house yesterday. Oi. I was so bored ... and alone since I took Claira to her daddy's. I hope she doesn't want to stay for too long. I might die.

Anyway, back to the awesome-ous time. Guess who popped up on my (Okay, not mine. The CZK's) doorstep earlier this morning... when I was baaarely awake. Guess. I'll give ya a hint. Starts with Da, ends with Kota. We are putting two and two together, right? Dakota! He saw me in my PJs, no fair. Baaah, I should learn not to answer the door in my jammies, It's not cool and he laughed at me. At least I didn't look as bad as when Alex came over, and I was dressed then! Holy crow! My teeth were brushed and my hair was fixed (Kinda, it wasn't all pretty... just brushed), but I still had on those PJs I borrowed from Ryo. They are soooo cute! They are a little white Hello Kitty tank top and pink boot-ay short set. Cute! And he saw 'em! Oi!

I was all like 'Oh shizzit', but I let him in anyway. He almost broke my not there heart with cuteness. He brought Claira a teddy bear! Cuuuute. He nearly held a broken hearted face when I told him that Claira was at her daddy's. Someone's getting attached! I seriously love him for that. My not there heart wanted to jump out of my chest. He must have caught me staring in awe at him because he grinned and started looking over the house. I pinched his cheeks he was so cute. I think a lot of people in RhyDin would think I'm off my rocker for thinking that Dakota Steele is cute. Well, he is! Around me, at least. He pinched my cheeks back. I honestly would have thought nothing of it if Kota hadn't gotten me anything when he came over because that bear meant so much more to me alone. That he actually thought of my Bella. Squeeeeeel. But he got me something anyway. Another rose. Tee hee. I put it in the vase with the other two roses that are still magically pretty.

I gave him about a zillion kisses for the bear. All of which were verrry enjoyable, thank you. Mmm mmm. I put the bear right on Claira's bed so she'll see it the first thing when she walked into her room. My little Bella is going to be so happy that she got a teddy bear from Mister Dakota! Hee hee!

We went to my room so I could get dressed. Get your head out of the gutter, you dirty perv! He was actually scared to come in. "Dun wanna cross any special lines here." I gave him a look and he came in. I told him to go watch some TV as I got ready, then I ran into the bathroom - clothes in hand. I think he snuck a peek into my closet because I'm pretty sure I heard a mumbled "Bigger than my apartment" before the noise of the TV nulled in. I fixed my hair all curly and just threw on some raggity jeans and a tank top. Not like I was trying to impress him. Impressing is dor the first date! The clothing style just gets worse from here! Ha. Plus, he saw me in my jammies... can't get as bad as that.

He called for me to watch a scary movie with him. Big Scare-dy Cat Steele! Ha. I plopped down on the bed with him and snuggled. I guess he thought I was the type of girl that got scared at those movies. Ah, no. Vamp-ire. We are the things that go bump in the night. I laughed instead. It was some new zombie movie, or something. We didn't really pay attention all that long after he firgured out that I wasn't scared. We were both more interested in each other. There were no naughty bits out and about, nope nope. I was a perfectly good girl... aside from the kissing. I rate him and nine and a half. From a vampire, that's good. Waaaay good.

After the face sucking, we talked... during the movie. I have a feeling movie theaters would hate us. I talked him into letting Aiyanna stay with us at the CZK house in a spare room down the hall. Well, actually I didn't really. He said that she mentions something about it after I told her and thought it was a better idea then her staying in his wittle apartment. But I'd like to think I talked him into it, k?

And I told him about the past few days. He didn't seem too happy, but of course who would after hearing for one his ex wife was trying to ward me off and secondly that I got into a pretty heavy arguement because I'm dating him. He told me to pay no mind to Char, that she had no right to stick her nose in places that it doesn't belong. I know that much, but Char is my friend. Its not like I'm going to cast her out of my life. And he said that he wouldn't make it 'just a fling'. Aww.

So I told him about the me/Tristy fight. I even told him why. He's been frank and honest with me, so I'll do the same back. I told him that we fought about me not being able to wait for Tristy. I even told him that I liked Tristen before I started dating Kota. He just looked kinda sad... that he was causing so many problems for me. But I pinched his cheeks again and told him not to worry about it... that I chose him and that's all that matters. I'm a big girl, I can handle things myself.

He whacked me with a pillow (lightly!) for the cheek pinch. We got into a pillow fight/wrestling match/smooch fest. 'Twas fun. I convinced him to go to the tea shop with me when we were laying all sprawled out on the floor in a heap of feathers and pillow stuffing. It was a blissful moment... but I wanted some Starsmucks coffee, dernit.

We ended up walking around the marketplace for a while. I made him buy me some cotton candy. He laughed that I fought him for paying for dinner, yet I made him buy me cotton candy. I let him share. Tee hee. He talked about going on another date. He said we could go over to his place and he would cook me dinner. My jaw dropped and I swear I started to drool. I love a man who can cook! I said yes quicker than you could say "Nink Nink!".

About the time we were half into a "arguement" about AC/DC vs. Guns n Roses, we ambled into the inn. I love talking about music with him. He knows the old stuff! It was funny because he had on an AC/DC shirt and I had my old kick-tastic GnR tank top on. Grr, baby, grr.

We got into a petty sissy fight. He flexed and I swooned. Then the nexus ganked him, which sucked... a lot. The inn was just a null after that, so I just left.

I think I'll go snuggle with the Mini Kota bear. It smells like him. I swear I'll put it back! Funny thought here... I wonder if Kota snuggles with the Carebear I gave him... Ha! I wanna see that!

Kisses,
Jadey

-Entry 9

Tool - Stinkfist

Something has to change.
Un-deniable dilemma.
Boredom's not a burden
Anyone should bear.

Constant over stimu-lation numbs me
but I would not want you
any other way.

It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive.

Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.

I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we'll be
Well upon our way.

Blend and balance
Pain and comfort
Deep within you
Till you will not want me any other way.

It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive.

Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to.
Relax. Slip away.

Something kinda sad about
the way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?

How can this mean anything to me
If I really don't feel anything at all?

I'll keep digging till
I feel something.

Elbow deep inside the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax. Turn around and take my hand

Dear Diary:

I'm the only one up. Rhy and Dean smuggled me to the Pi house. THey and the rest of the boys are protecting me... against Romax. They wanted me to stay with them, so I didn't fight them. I hit Rhy... and almost killed Dean. It... it wasn't me, I swear it. I just keep telling them sorry.

He took me over. He's still taking me over. Romax. I keep telling them that I'm okay, but I still feel... that I am his... that I need to be close to him. That I need him to be a part of me. I haven't told them that I can still feel the changes in me. I can't remember how it started, just the taste of chocolates. The bitter sweet taste. I won't forget it. He gave me a pearl necklace then took me... over and over again. Such a pained pleasure. It was horribly beautiful. Forever etched in my memories. I was his. Alert, yet not me. Still not me.

Rhy and Dean were in the inn when I came in earlier. I don't remember anything at all from the time I awakened to when Rhy ripped the necklace from me. I'm glad they love me. I resurfaced to see a dark spindle from my finger choking Dean and Rhy holding her cheek. I had smacked her. My BFF. And I tried to kill her hubby... my friend for years. The spindle went limp and recoiled back into my finger. Damn spindles. They only come out when I'm really bad off my rocker. I am. I kept saying sorry... I keep saying sorry. They just kept asking if I was okay, because that's the only thing that matters. So selfless. I told them I was fine. Lil Rika held me during the whole thing. I love my little kitty. Well, she'd like a neko, but where she'd from her kind is called Nazdorians. She's staying with me at the Chi house.

Rhy asked if I wanted to stay with her and Dean at the Pi house. Dean even said it was okay. I told them I would, but I asked if Rika could come too because she was staying with me. They said it was alright, that we could have a big slumber party in the middle of the living room. Quick joke: What room can't a vampire go into? A living room. Ha ha, not true and totally corny. Anyway, Rika liked that idea. But I asked what would happen if Romax came after me. They said that all the boys would protect me. They don't know what he is capable of if he really wants something. I don't want anyone hurt over me, especially the boys. They've all been so good to me over the years. Rhy and Dean left, to tell everyone and so Rhy could take a short nap.

Michale litterally dropped in and I nearly killed him. He had forgotten that Claira as staying with him! He'd been gone for so long that he didn't know! Thank God Sarah's been taking care of her. I called her when I got to the Pi house then sent Claira to Ly so I'd know where she was. Though after I found out what's been going on, I kinda felt bad for Michale. He lost another job and been trying to find a new one to pay for the wedding. I tried to get him to take some money from me, but he said no. Stupid men and their God forsaken pride.

The nexus ganked him and I desided that it was time to ship out. So, out Rika and I went, her on my back. For twent, she is so much like a child. Heh, it was funny to see me in Dean's black shirt over something trying to pass as a dress. Seriously, it looks like I cut a few peices or cloth and put it on myself going, "I call you... a dress!" Whoa.

When we got to the Pi house, Matty let us righ tin and everyone was glad to see us. Rika loves Coley. Hell, everyone loves Cole. If you don't love Cole... you are the devil. I am in love with Coley's new husband. I mean, not like that... but you know. They are so cute together. Though, I don't think anyone will replace Dirk for Cole in my eyes... but alas, some dream are meant to fade. I will never know all the gritty details and it's for the best, but I'm just glad Coley's happy again.

I changed into some of Tristy's clothes and out of the lil cloth dress. He wasn't there... and I guess it's for the best. He would evade me at the slightest glance anyway. Everyone offered me their clothes (Rhy too, but there is NO way in hell I'd fit into her stuff), but I just chose his. No one fought me, or asked questions - they knew. He will always be a part of me though we never were. (Apparently this fact is unknown to Franco who said he was my ex!) I lingered in his room, looking. Not snooping, though I felt like it. I hate snoopers. I just looked. Taking in where he had been. His scent. Boy was that room a mess. I didn't want to straighten up, but I had to! I even found a shovel under a pile of clothing. Ooohhhhkay. I just cleaned a lil bit... I promise. Threw all the dirty clothes into hampers, folded the clean. My poor sensitive nose never smelled so much B.O in my life. And my life is verrrry long, mind you. Ugh. And stale pizza. Why do men do that? Keep boxes of pizza in their rooms. Grrrross. I nabbed a clean tank top and a clean pair of these ubber comfy silk boxers that someone is going to have to fight me for. I told the boys not to tell on me, to tell him that a maid finally fought her way into Tristen's room and the only reason I was wearing his stuff was because it was the first room I sneeked into. It is totally untrue because I think the first room I could have sneeked into was Ollie's.

We all messed around a while and watched a few movies before we all passed out. I dreamed. I hate my dreams. So vivid. But this was different. This was real... so real. Romax was... beating me, punishing me, ravaging me... because I had betrayed him... left his side. I can still feel it. I awoke screaming, which startled everyone. Rhy, Rika, and Cole held me, calmed me as the rest of the boys watched worriedly. I hate being in trouble... because I can't stop it... and I can't help myself. I hate their looks. Like I'm pathetic. I calmed and everyone restlessly settled back into bed. I faked sleep so they would sleep. There was a pain in my right wrist. Nagging. The ribbon in my hair was gone. It changed. You can barely see it, but there is a think mark wrapping around my wrist. Black. Like the ribbon. And I swear to you it was glowong purple. It stopped and so did the pain.

I poofed in my diary and here I am. I think I'm going to try to sleep now. I miss Dakota... and my baby girl.

Jadden

-Entry 11

Motley Crue - Home Sweet Home

You know I'm a dreamer
But my heart's of gold
I had to run away high
So I wouldn't come home low
Just when things went right
Doesn't mean they're always wrong
Just take this song and you'll never feel
Left all alone

Take me to your heart
Feel me in your bones
Just one more night
And I'm comin' off this
Long & winding road

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home
Tonight, tonight
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home

You know that I've seen
Too many romantic dreams
Up in lights, fallin' off the silver screen

My heart's like an open book
For the whole world to read
Sometimes nothing keeps me together at the seams

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home
Tonight, tonight
I'm on my way
Just set me free
Home Sweet Home
Home Sweet Home
Home Sweet Home
Home Sweet Home

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home Sweet Home
Yeah
I'm on my way
Just set me free
Home Sweet Home

Dear Diary:

So after a surreal month, we're back. We think Romax backed out... or something. I don't think he's given up, just more so went on to bigger and better things. Normally if any other man said that about me I'd be mad, but now I'm only grateful. I really wanted to go home, and I'm pretty damn sure Claira and Kota wanted to as well. Even though Claira wanted to play pirates about every day, even she got tired of that. I think it was time.

Now we're back. We couldn't have been happier. Dakota and I both wanted Claira and me to move in with him, but then we agreed to wait until we got a bigger place together. Sure I have the villa, but I don't really think it's the best of places. It's not homey enough. I want homey, and I'm sure he does too. Something... together.

Everything is perfectly perfect. Well, besides the fact that Claira wants to see Eric. Ugh. I have to drive her over there tomorrow. That'll be fun. I had to explain Eric to Dakota and why Claira wanted to see him so bad. He seemed to take it... well. I mean, hearing that someone has been in love with your girlfriend for thirty some odd years isn't exactly something he'd like to hear. But he took it well and knew he had to share Claira, that he and Eric were like father's to Claira, and no matter what I was his.

We talked of marriage here and there and decided that when the time presented itself, that we would get married. I'm fine by that, because nothing can tear us apart anymore. Not even Romax.

Rhy almost fainted when I told her I was back for good. God I missed her. I even saw Rika last night. That lil thang is somethin, I tell ya. So Rika is staying with me again, where she belongs. There is so much that could break her fragile innocence and I want to protect her from it as long as I can. I met a creepy guy named Drii, but really he's harmless. Well, harmless to me now that I know who to protect myself from. He could read minds and it freaked me the hell out. He even knew... my mother's name. I haven't spoken of her since... my first date with Kota and before that it had been... God.... twenty years? The only people who know of her name are Cas, Eric, Kota, and Rhy. So hime knowing her name... is scary. I told him never to speak of her again... to forget he ever knew anything. I'd rather not remember her as long as I can.

Hm... I think that's all for now! Gods it's good to be back!

Kisses,
J

-Entry 13

30 Seconds to Mars - Attack

I won't suffer, be broken
Get tired, or wasted
Surrender to nothing
or give up what I
Started
And stopped it
From end to beginning
A new day is coming
And I am finally free

Run away, Run away
i'll attack
Run away, Run away
Go change yourself
Run away, Run away
now I?ll attack
I?ll aa WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I would?ve kept you forever
But we had to sever
It ended for both of us
Faster than a...
kill off this thinking
It?s starting to sink in
I?m losing control now
But without you I can finally see

Run away, Run away
I?ll attack
Run away, Run away
Go change yourself
Run away, Run away
Now I?ll attack
I?ll attack, I?ll a WHOAAAAAAAAAAAA

Your promises
They look like lies
Your honesty?s
Like a back that hides a knife
I promise you (promise you)
I promise you (promise you)
I am finally free

Run away, Run away
I?ll attack
Run away, Run away
Go Change yourself
Run away, Run away
Now I?ll attack
I?ll attack, I?ll attack
I will attack

Run away
I'll attack, I will attack
Run away
I'll attack, I will attack
Run away, run away
Now I'll attack,I'll attack
I'll a WHOAAAAAAAA

Your promises (promises, promises)
I promise you (promise you)
I promise you (promise you, promise you...)

Dear Diary:

So... last night in the inn was... interesting to say the least. Wait, what am I saying? This is RhyDin. Last night was very normal in RhyDinian standards.

Met a vampire slayer. He wasn't very scary ... and he couldn't take jokes. Kai always brings the worst and best out of men. His name was Darken Rider. He had a rough voice... I kinda liked it. And he seemed as though he took a shining to Tara... who is preggo... for the 15th time. Lord ta Betsy... Save us all. And she was all over that Mish guy... Isn't she married? Again? Oi, I can never keep up with her these days... or anyday for that matter. But I love her... simply because she's Tara.

And Skidly made... a vampiric cow.... Ugh! I gave him the idea! I mean, not really. I just mentioned vampiric cow tipping and he started to go on and on about how much he'd make from the idea. I tried to tell him no... but did he listen to me? NO! He went off for a while, then returned with a jug of vampiric cow milk. Much to my dismay, it actually tasted good. Milk with honey and a tad of vodka. Oi, he will steal millions... and cause RhyDin to go down in a firey pit of cow vampires. Oi.

... Robert kissed me too. Made my head spin a good lot. Nothin that would make me leave Kota though. There ain't nothin that could do that. I just won't tell Kota that Robert kissed me. Then there would be one dead Pirate on our hands... and that wouldn't be good. But, it's not like it meant anything. He flirted with all the girls... gave us all notes too. Mine said 'I'd like to see you naked on me tonight'. He never gives up. Hmmm... that pirate.

Oh yea, Tara got Cor preggos. Baker was preggos, but Reap punched him in the tummy. The end.

Then I went straight to Dakota's. I miss Claira... she's with Eric. I wonder if Eric ever got my note from before I left... He didn't say anything about it when I dropped Claira off. But now I'm with Kota... so... I gotta go!

Kisses
Jadey

-Entry 15

Evanescence - Good Enough

Under your spell again.
I can't say no to you.
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
I can't breathe but I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough for you.

Drink up sweet decadence.
I can't say no to you,
And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
Can't believe that I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough.
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good.

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.
Pour real life down on me.
'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.
Am I good enough for you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me,
'Cause I can't say no

Dear Diary:

I take back what I said. I didn't lose him. I got him back. And we're ten times better now. I think we needed the split, no matter how much I wish it never happened. We needed to find the meaning of love... and how much it killed both of us to be without each other. But now I have him back and all is right with the world. Every last thing. All right.

Even though I want to hurt her for not telling me a single thing, I thank Rhy. She started everything up. She knows me... and she knows Dakota. She knew that neither of us would make the first move to healing. So she got up out of the CZK house, with her poor pregnant self, and marched all the way to his apartment.... the long walk that it is. I commend her for being smarter than either of us. Without her... I'd still be hiding from life itself. But somehow... my best friend in the world... convinced Dakota to see me.

But what he did... was something I never expected. I'll never forget how stupid he was that day. How caring. How unselfish. How adoring. How much he loved me. How much he loves me. Thinking he had to ask for my forgiveness when I was the one who had been so... ruthless. But he did. He sang to me. Even brought out his old guitar. Got it all wet too. His voice alone woulda been enough to make me melt. He sang me a old country song that was so true to us... Who'da thought that I'd fall for a country boy, right? Funny thought. It makes perfect sense, because it's him.
It was raining, that glorious rain that I love so much. It was slow, but held a steady rhythm. I've always wanted to believe that rain could wash away everything that was wrong and it did that day. Everything wrong disappeared as we embraced. I wish I hadn't cried so much. Stupid crimson tears went everywhere. Vampire curse number twenty-six. We stood there in the rain, even as it slowed, for seemingly hours. It didn't matter, time could have stood still that day.

That night all we did was lay in each other's arms. And we talked. Promised each other that it wouldn't happen again. But we also both know how we are. We're so much alike that we click... just fit together, but it also has the reverse effect when we are around each other too much. In our case, sadly, too much of a good thing is bad. So, we decided when we feel that it may happen we'll tell each other. No hiding it again. We don't want to lose each other again.

The following day was... eventful to say the least. I went back to the Chi house in the morning. He was asleep, surprisingly. It's a odd thing to watch him sleep. I'm the first one out and he's the first one up. He watches me most of the time. I suppose I'm amazing? Not really. But I guess the stress really got to us both... and he at least got one good night sleep. Good thing he doesn't snore or I would have laughed, which probably would have woke him. I couldn't spoil such a good thing. All of the little wrinkles that I love on his face smooth out when he sleeps... and he looks positively innocent. Okay, I'm not saying that he's horribly old or anything that he has all these wrinkles! No! I'm just saying that for him, it's nice that he shows age. Especially his laugh lines. They are so deep, which means even though hard times... he found ways to keep him happy.
I know, I know. I think too much. I'm immortal. It happens. I probably wouldn't ever tell Dakota these things. I mean, for a human he might think I'm nutso. Maybe I am. Prolly. I wish to have wrinkles... age a bit maybe? Isn't that crazy? To have ever lasting life and wish to age... just a bit. To have wrinkles? That's the craziest part! Not like... crazy elderly lady... but to show... I've lived. Actually lived.

But... BACK to the eventful day! I get so side-tracked talking at times. My hand is hurting already from writing. So, I wrote Kota a note saying that I was going to go out to get Rhy something pretty from the both of us and I'd probably go out to get a drink. I think he knows by now that I only go to the inn. Sometime later... maybe thirty minutes after I got there, guess who walks in the door acting like he's the shizz? Dakota. And he is the shizz, thank you very much. We just eyed each other a while, acting like we didn't know each other or something. It didn't last long. I got him a beer and sat right in his lap. He whispered things in my ear that made me get all hot and bothered, causing me to drag him out of the inn. He knew he was the shizz.

Lemme put this out there right now and I'll drop it. He's a ten. Out of five stars. Yea, you heard me right. That good. Oh sweet Jesus if I thought he was a keeper before, this was it. Icing on the effing cake. I mean, gods, you know me. We did it before... but... Lord have mercy. We need to get Claira soon, but... after that I plan on having another "Mommy and daddy time" before that.
I think I was so worn out that I was knocked out half the next day. All I remember was Dakota coming back home, murmuring things about his sister to me. Said she wanted him to see his mother and father. And how his sister is so stubborn. In other words, she's just like him. Maybe he should see his parents, he never really talks much about them. I wonder what they'd think of me... I know the immortal aren't really anyone's parent's cup of tea. But... since I'm a day walker... we won't really have to tell them, right? And the no aging? Dakota likes the young ones. Ha ha ha. He'd go for that.

I'm thinking about talking Dakota into buying a place with me. Just him, Claira, and me. Wouldn't have to be anything huge like he might think I'd want. Just something for our little family. I like the sounds of that. Our. I've never been so hopeful in my whole life... the long life it's been.

Kisses,
Jade

-Entry 17

Flyleaf - There For You

Sometimes I'm a selfish fake
You're always a true friend
I don't deserve you
'Cause I'm not there for you
Please forgive me again

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to
Runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
I wanna be there for you

Swirling shades of blue
Slow dancing in your eyes
Sun kisses the earth
And I hush my urge to cry

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to
Runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
I wanna be there for you

'Cause I hear the whispered words
In your masterpiece beautiful
You speak the unspeakable through
I love you too

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to

I wanna be there for you
And be someone you can come to
The love runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you

Dear Diary:

The past few days have been eventful. Lots of Kota and Claira playing now that she's back. You should just look at the way he looks at her. It melts me everytime. I try not to hold that face anymore... but sometimes I can't help it.

A few days ago Kota and I were at the inn. Oh yea! Julie had her baby! It is a girl and she named her Mira! She's sooooo cute! Looks just like Julie! .... If she was a baby and all... Anyway! Oh... again! I saw DAMIEN at the inn before Kota got there!! I think he's with Bree... but they both have really wacky time frames... so you know how that goes. But! We actually gave each other... a hug! Not like mushy-mushy... but the 'Don't hate you, don't hate me' thing. So... I suppose we're on good terms now. Anywho! Then Kota met Hina! Hina was acting all cracked out.. because she hadn't slept in a while. So, we took her home... er... Kota's apartment and we played drunky truth or dare. Remind me to beat Dakota. He's soooo meeeeean! I won't even tell you why, it was so bad!

The other day Kota and I went house hunting. It was a loooooong day. But the last one was a keeper!! Two stories, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, one car garage, living room, dining room, kitchen, and a pantry. But we can NOT forget the hard wood flooring... in the entire house! SQUEEL! We loveeeeee it! We called the agent when we got back to Kota's and she said she'd give us a few days to really think about it and that she would give us the estimate then. Of course I told her that we were sure we wanted it... but nooooo... she wanted to give us time to think over it. Arrrgh. Pushy sales agents, pushing you through the house.... forcing you to want to buy it... then making you wait! Gosh!

But, the good thing is that we are just a step away from having our own house together! Isn't that just wonderful?! I couldn't be happier!
Well... I 'could' be... but... I'll wait until he thinks it is the right time. I mean, I can't make him propose to me. Well... I probably could, but that wouldn't be too nice. I'll throw that idea right out the window because I want it to be a surprise. Heh heh, I want to see if he cooked anything good up. I know he has! I see that look in his eyes at times, plotting.

Kisses,
J

-Entry 19

Silverstein - Still Dreaming

2 a.m., I lie down deep in slumber.
Feelings are falling downward.
I want to forget.
Waking up, I hear the way your voice sounds.
My heart starts to pound, now...
To the rhythm of yours.
You're so angelic. Your words so symphonic.
Touch your lips to my soul, eat this sorrow away.
How am I so lucky, I found you?

Sometimes, I feel like I'm still dreaming.
It seems like everyday, you're always on my mind.
This is how we stay so connected, so connected
over space and time.

When we talk about all my old drama,
You look at me and wonder how I'm not insane.
Every week the days seem to get longer.
But you know our love gets stronger with every word we say.
Stronger every day.
You know I would do anything for you.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm still dreaming.
It seems like everyday, you're always on my mind.
This is how we stay so connected, so connected
Over space and time.

If you are feeling down, you know I feel it, now.
We give each other strength to make it through the darkness.
You take me to a place I never want to leave.
I'm in my deepest dream, I don't ever want to wake up.
I'll fight till I die, I won't say goodbye, and I won't let this pass me by.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm still dreaming.
It seems like everyday, you're always on my mind.
This is how we stay so connected, so connected
over space and time.

Let's run away, run away, run away now.
Let's go away, go away to some place safe.
I want it all, now I want everything.

This is how we stay so connected, so connected
Over space and time.

Dear Diary:

Oh jeez... I never realized how hard this super mommy crap was going to be. Its just wow. I mean, I've always known that without the CZK nanny it was going to be tougher, but gosh! Not like this! I don't even have enough time to put my thoughts into words in this thing anymore!

Chaotic is what it is. I thought that when Claira went to school it would get better, but no. Well, some, but not enough. Seven and in the second grade. Oh my! She grows so fast! Litterally, and I hate it! Worst thing is that we never know when her heart is going to beat again. Ugh. While Dakota is at work and Claira is at school, I rush around shopping. Okay, sometimes it's just for me. Then I have to clean clean clean until Dakota gets home if I'm not out, because when he gets home... I get side-tracked. Just listening to him talk is amazing.

Mornings are crazy though. Claira and I listen to Dakota's show while I cook breakfast, listen to about half of it, get her ready around 7ish, rush her to school, stop and get stuff here and there, then try to run home before Dakota gets home. I hate not being there when Dakota gets home since I never get to see him in the mornings until then. We just eat lunch and chill until Claira gets home. It's pretty great.

In a way I'm grateful for Dakota's job. I know, I know it sounds bad that I'm glad he's away from me, even for a little while, but as we found out before - we need time away. It does us good. Plus, I get to tell him of my daily adventures. He likes to hear them... well, at least he seems like it.

Then when Claira gets home... she has about a million stories of her day to tell us. I love to hear them more than Dakota's ramblings! And... that's a lot of love right there. They are just so.... beautiful! She has a wonderful mind when she gets to actually talking. The way she talks about everyone... everything... oh my! But I can NOT help that child with homework. I think I AM in a second grade level! Jeez, I know just enough to get me by since the 1800's... but all this math crap... Oh my god! Crazy! That's Dakota's job. He teases me often about that. That stinker!

Oh, and now Friday and Saturday nights are Dakota and my nights together. Like, just us. It's... wonderful. Those nights he doesn't have work in the morning nor does Claira have school, so we can stay up later. I mean, sometimes we don't even do that much. Just stay with each other. But sometimes the poor thing gets tuckered out from being used to going to bed early and Dakota will fall asleep. I don't get mad or anything, because that's just mean. He's a hard little worker and muh love muffin, I can't ever be mad at him! But I don't have to worry about that a lot, and I mainly know when he's going to do it. I just learned how his face looks when he's tired and trying not to be. Shhh, don't tell him I know that because he'll never admit it. He stays up most days though, so it's all good. Sometimes we do our "mommy and daddy" business, and I thank the lord that Claira is a heavy sleeper. Oh my gosh, that sounds HORRIBLE! I feel bad now!

This super mommy crap is giving me... modesty. Who'da thunk!? I forgot to mention that we added a pool into the backyard. It's a in-ground pool with a little fenced in part so Claira can't get in without me knowing. Mmmm, magical wards blocking out a magical child. Booyah, mommy ten points! We all have fun... but it's starting to get chiller and the pool is a wee bit cold. Should add on a heating thing. Gotta remind myself of that...

But I think Dakota's age is really getting to me. Or, more like mine and my lack-there-of of aging. Like if we stand in the mirror beside each other... I always feel so... out of place. I don't know the right words... not human. It doesn't bother me enough that I'd throw a fuss over it... it's just always at the back of my mind. I know what I am, and I've been that way for the last two hundred odd years. But I guess that was before Dakota... before I wanted something. I don't want to be without him, I don't want him to be without me. I'm not saying that even if he was old and grey and I'd still look forever twenty-three that I wouldn't love him the same, no... I'm not saying that. I'd love him just the same, but I'm sure the thought would probably kill him. And I'm sure he's probably thought this. He's more of a deep thinker than he puts on to be, it's something that I learned well. But that's another secret so shh.

I'm not sure what I'll do anymore on that subject. Wait, I suppose. Time will reveal itself, yadda yadda. Not much else I can do. Well, besides bask in the perfect-o life I have now! It's graaaand. More than I could have ever asked for from the two best people in my life! But I need to see that Preggo BFF of mine. Haven't seen her in a week or so... even though we talk everyday on the phone. I just need to see that tummy!!

Kisses
Jadey

-Entry 21

Foo Fighters - Everlong

Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong

Tonight
I throw myself into
And out of the red out of her head she sang

Come down and waste away with me
Down with me
Slow how you wanted it to be
I'm over my head, out of her head she sang

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang

Breathe out
So I can breathe you in
Hold you in

And now
I know you've always been
Out of your head, out of my head I sang

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang

And I wonder
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when

Dear Diary:

Oh gees have I been busy lately! I often forget to write in here. I even forgot to talk about Claira's first real Halloween! She's seven and this was her first Halloween, oh my. It was also Dean's birthday. That kid is getting old! I'm jus' teasin'. We had this big ol' party for him at the Skulls', then we went trick-or-treating with Claira and Daniel. Rhy and Dean were, of course, Jack and Sally. Daniel was a lil ol' cute pumpkin! You shoulda seen his lil green stockings! Rhy told him to be a vampire, but I just gave her that 'look'. Ha ha. Dakota and I, as cheesey as it sounds, were Dracula and his vampiress mistress. We were running out of ideas at the last minute. I didn't even have to dress up! Claira was a fairy. Her little costume was so cute! Thankfully, she didn't think of her magic so she didn't exactly fly.

Preggo Sally (whom needs to pop, and soon) only lasted about an hour or two, so we let her and Dean go back to the Skull house. we let Daniel and Claira trick-or-treat some more until we finally went home. I stole some of Claira's candy when she went to bed. Then Dakota acted like he was trying to drink my blood. It was about the funniest thing I've been a part of. That man is plum crazy, and I love him.

Oh! Can you believe we're going to be married in nearly a month!? I hired Ski to help me set everything up. Actually, I met him last night at the inn to talk about the plans. Dakota don't know what I have cooked up, so he just thought I went to the inn to get drinks while I had a little free time. Ski has this really wonderful winter theme thought up, which we had already planned on seeing as we want the wedding outside in December. And Ski found this perfect lil place where it's goin' to be snowing! Not like... heavily... just a light snow. It won't be TOO cold either, because I know how those humans just freeze. Pansies.

Ski is tryin' to talk me out of having a white dress, but by Golly - I'm having a damn white dress. A white dress would just... complete things, ya know? Make it extra perfect. I just have to pick out the best one ever because Ski said that he's going to base a lot off of the dress, which puts lots of pressure on me to find the perfect dress. I've seen a few that I like... but not anything that screamed out at me.

I plan on making this big trip to New Orleans or somewhere near home to go dress shopping with the girls. Maybe have a blue-ish dress theme for them? Like the Bride's maids and the flower girl? I don't know. I'm how old and I still have no clue what I'm doing?! It makes me extra nervous because I know this is for real... nothing bad will ever break us apart. We're.... epically perfect. Whoa, that sounds... grand. I wish Rhy would pop that baby out so I can tell what to throw on it. Okay, I don't mean to sound selfish. I know I want the baby to be here just for the fact I'm going to be a Godmother and see the bundle of joy, but... damnit... I need to get the wedding together! I feel a Bride-Jade-Zilla moment coming on.

Okay, there's just mindless crap around the house I could talk about... but it's all the same. Not in a bad way though. It's all about how wonderful my family is. I love them SO much. We're wonderful.
Well, but there is the whole 'possesed Lain fight' I should touch on. I think we both think of that more than we intend on, or even try to give away. The far off looks, yea, we both can tell. But it's not the lovey far off looks either. Yea, it's odd that I can tell different far off looks, but I'm good like that. We just.... don't talk about it. We did for a while, but nothing has become of it... yet at least. So, in order not to frighten Claira or ourselves, we've put it out of mind. Or at least in the back of it. Not exactly the best course of action, but I'd rather that then see him in pain like that again. Just about killed me.

Should probably put this up before Dakota goes snooping and tries to read this damn thing over the radio again. If I ever get time I should tell you that story. But for now, I'll say bye bye, sweets.

Kisses!
-J