He wore a canvas duster despite the heat. Nobody thought anything of it around here. F*cking posers dressed like him all the time, he'd seen it. The goggles were down over his eyes, gears and lenses and crazy lights studding his cheeks. On the inside, they gave him constant updates about his surroundings. Right down to the molecular level, if he wanted it. He didn?t need it, right now.
Down the street three men dressed like extras in Rawhide were strutting toward him, singing in unison. He called out in a rasp of black cigarillo smoke, ?Don?t give up your f*cking day job, okay, dude??
They reached the front of the building, warbling Oh my darling Oh my darling Oh our darling Madison in unison. They even tipped their hats back at the same time.
Realization hit. He stopped dead in the street. ?You are f*cking kidding me.?
Their eyes were dead. They stared through the window, turned to look at him, drawled a synchronous Howdy to yah. They weren?t human. Probably weren?t alive. The goggles registered them at ambient air temperature, claimed they were made out of wood or polyurethane or nothing, bleated, and gave up trying to figure them out.
He climbed the porch steps, spat the cigarillo back out into the road. ?You're the assholes I'm supposed to meet??
They flashed three sets of painfully white teeth at him. Bingo, Judah. Go fetch us the Jezebel.
He shook his head, shook back the dreds, shook entropy into place around himself with the duster like armor. ?Okay, whatever. Gimme five minutes. Sing to yourselves. Circle jerk, I don't care.? He muttered to himself as he shouldered the door open, ?F*cking creepy sonsabitches.?
In the room: three people in an orgiastic knot by the fire (and why the f*ck was a fire burning in August?), two men and some kind of cat-weasel-hyena cross; a few pretty boys and a woman behind the bar; a couple leaving by the back door; another goddamned cowpoke sitting next to a white-haired woman and a brunette. He?d scanned the picture in from the wanted poster and uploaded it to the goggles, and they called a match. The brunette was his mark.
He pushed the goggles up onto his forehead and grinned like a shark tasting blood in the water. He started walking. He could hear the lawmen singing outside, creepy warbling song like a badly tuned piano rattling the window in its frame. The words leaked in as he crossed the room.
Drove her ducklings to the water
Madison turned, looked blindly over the room.
Every morning just at nine
She said something to the cowpoke beside her, and he drew a gun. The goggles chirped a warning on his forehead, chirped again. Someone else was drawing down.
Hit her foot against a splinter
The white-haired woman was staring irritated at the door. The lawmen outside sang like wolves baying at the moon.
Fell into the foaming brine
Madison stood up. Her hands were empty. She looked confused, afraid, trying to hide it from him. She made eye contact.
Ruby lips above the water
?Hello, sexy! Got a minute?? He called cheerfully, and closed the gap as her gaze seared him.
Blowing bubbles soft and fine
?Are there a few men outside?? she asked him, as if the entire bar couldn?t hear them wailing.
But alas, I was no swimmer
?Some dudes out in the street. Why?? he asked her. He was right at her side, cuddling up. She smelled good. ?We can sneak out the back if you need to. I heard you were for hire, and I've got a problem only you can solve.?
So I lost my Clementine
The goggles double-beeped again, reminding him that he had two guns pointed at him. The cowpoke was watching him.
"Cal, it's okay. Can you look out the window? I think this gent just wants to talk."
Oh my darling, oh my darling Madison. The lawmen crooned, bayed, laughed like broken rattling bones.
?Something like that.? His hazel eyes skated over the room and back to her. The other gun was from the threesome over by the fire. ?Someplace a little more private, maybe?? He gave her an aw-shucks little shrug and grin. This would be so much easier away from the crowd.
From the window came a glow like wolves? eyes shining. Oh my darling Oh my darling.
Despite her nervousness, Madison gave him a warm flash of a smile. Sweet of her. It was a shame he was selling her out. "I'm afraid I can't help you. What was the trouble you have, though?? At least Cal the Cowpoke was walking off to look through the window. That was one less pistol pointed his way.
The lawmen saw movement at the window and called Hey sugar, come on outside. We're waiting, toots.
He sighed, shook his head, shook the armor a little more firmly into place. ?You're a stubborn one, aren't you??
"Not so much. Just a?this is a bad time, sir." She was still smiling at him. "We can head to a booth."
A booth was not going to work. Time to take her out. ?Okay. Whatever.? He said, drew back a fist, and punched her: a nice roundhouse to the side of the head that connected with a meaty thud.
She staggered back, falling into the bar stools. At the same time, the gay guy in the m?nage-a-trois in the chair fired his gun. Entropy reared her ugly head and the gun barrel was just dirty enough to throw off the guy?s aim. The bullet went wide. He pushed past his surprise that people really were willing to fire into a crowded room of their supposed friends?rednecks loved a fight no matter the venue, whatever?and grabbed her elbow. The white-haired woman on the other side of her tried to grab the other elbow. Entropy intervened, and a barstool that should have been pushed in neatly wasn?t; White-hair tripped over it, spilled her drink and went down like a cheap hooker.
Madison clutched at her head with her free hand, blinking like a hummingbird's wings. "What the fu?"
Pretty boys screamed and dove behind the bar as more shots went off. The goggles were pinging overtime. Madison screamed like she was Pauline and he was Snidely Whiplash, tying her to the train tracks and twirling his f*cking mustache. She struggled in his grip. Bullets whizzed by, ricocheted off walls and shattered mirrors. Someone got hit.
?No!? she shrieked. The lawmen threw open the front door. They had guns in their hands, too. Someone else got hit. Then he got hit from behind?someone trying to tackle or punch him?so hard that it shoved him to his knees and pushed both him and Madison ten feet toward the door. His knees ripped up with splinters and started to bleed. He turned the air blue.
She clawed at a table leg, trying to stop him. ?Yeah, good luck with that,? he snarled and kicked her legs out from under her. Her head hit a chair and she went limp. A look over his shoulder showed him the gay guy in the middle of a broken table, swearing like a hot night in a Tex-Mex joint.
"Hey, assholes, I'm trying to take a motherf*cking nap!" Someone bellowed behind him. The room was starting to stink with cordite and smokeless powder from all the shots fired.
Bring the Jezebel out. Let her go, folks. Show is over, yowled the lawmen standing in the door like they hadn?t noticed half the f*cking room was shooting at him. Let her go. The woman is a criminal. Back away. Come on, head home. Show?s over for the night. They were either stupid or they really were not human. He was betting on both.
?I will Jezebel you in the face!? someone yelled, and as one the people in the room turned and started shooting at the lawmen.
Step away, the woman is dangerous. Come on, back off. Come on, Judah, come on now, boy. Take her outside now. They didn?t even seem to notice the bullets ripping into them. Someone punched him in the head. Entropy broke down the flooring just enough that it crumbled underfoot, and the hit was a glancing one. But his ears were ringing, his head was hurting, and he was getting really f*cking tired of the circus show.
She was aware again, trying to pull her arm from his. "Let me go!"
?F*ck! don't you ever shut up?? He backhanded her and she went limp. Cal the Cowpoke loaded something that glowed blue into his gun and promptly emptied it into the lawmen.
Someone hit him again, hard enough that it pushed him through the lawmen?s legs and out onto the porch. He lost his grip on the hottie with the too-big mouth. Rasping curses, he turned back and grabbed her collar.
?Grab her and go in-between, Sal,? someone yelled. Tex-Mex?Sal?pounced on her. Just as the lawmen were beginning to fold up from the sheer number of bullets pumped into them, Sal yanked them all into cyberspace.
There was an advantage to being a Virtual Adept: ?in-between? was just another word for home. To his trained eyes, the space around them flickered out, went black. Blue lines sprang out of nothing, stretching off into limitless distances. He couldn?t breathe. It didn?t matter. He sighed happily, and went to work as Madison screamed around his choking grip on her collar and Sal did his damndest to twist her loose. Sal was swearing, all the words coming out backward.
He dug his free hand into his pocket, pulled out a metal potato studded with keys, and typed high-speed on it, one-handed. All it took was the right program.
IF Judah Bishop AND Madison Acony-Belle Rye
THEN Rhydin City, Red Dragon Inn, stagecoach
ELSE Rhydin, Red Dragon Inn, mens' bathroom
RUN
"Oh." Sal?s flaring rusty eyes widened, looked up as something roared above them, drawn by the fighting. "Sh*t!" He sprang loose and out of cyberspace just before the countermeasure program above hit, and just before Judah?s code could stuff him head-first down a urinal.
Guns were still popping and pinging outside as he and Madison were spat out into the coach. He pounded on the roof. ?Drive, you stupid f*ck!? Probably broke the keyboard in his hand doing that, dammit. It was a bitch to replace, too. Madison clawed at his leg, pinched it hard as the coach began to move and the shouts and gunfire began to fade. At least she wasn?t screaming anymore, but it hurt. He?d finally had enough. ?OW! Jesus! Knock it the f*ck off already!? he yelled, and hit her so hard her world turned inside out and spun off into the dark.
The stagecoach tore into the night, toward Lofton County and judgment.