For context:
http://rdi.dragonsmark.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=27534
Once upon ago, she had made her sleep beside other misfits that had too found their kindred home in the West End, or at the edge, at the Penny Moon. At times, Madison deeply missed what had been simple days in between chaos and iron. The last strains of that time had played out, and even though they were always to be looked back on with some regret, and a formidable guilt (and one that had transformed her on a fundamental level) she missed them. For what they could have been, and for what made them so special - their brevity. She had thought, for that period, that she may have re-captured what she had shared on the road with other men and women. Though their directions and reasons varied, they were still of a similar ilk, and bred through heritage or experience or tragedy, for that way. The road had been their friend, and when all was done, and farewell was tipped in a hat, what had been was always. Some things don't break.
But then the Hexx had done what they did, and Elison Blue had re-appeared, a living dead man, or a man who had never really lived (..in the terms she had believed him to) and again, her life had been plunged in another direction. There was more regret, more shame. The failure of a marriage, and with it a dream of home and children, still haunted her. It was a thought she little engaged and mostly put to bed. The only inkling of it was the curious tinge, when staring at the night's fire in the field, throwing wood on to burn, as thoughts would yield from their hidden doors, and she might imagine what Elison was doing or thinking and if he felt guilt and shame for what had been lost. She had wondered whether it had had to have been lost at all? But what could they do. Both had changed. The only thought left for Elison, was an unending thanks that he had seen her special to save. That he had not let a hungry past eat her whole. That he had given up all he knew, to ensure she did not. Love did not wear the way we sometimes think it should. Besides her lessons on trust and time and their fickle natures, and those who give it to you, she had learned that love was often in disguise. At its most true and honourable, it rarely arrived packaged as you expect. And sometimes, it is doing for you favours that seemed so natural, that you thought you had done them for yourself.
Say, the time Glenn Douglas had slapped her ego across the room. In all that rust and guilt, regret and whiskey, chaos and iron, Madison had been clinging onto her pride like a triumph. But it, like Elison's blue old life, was a phantom, and in the right light, a lie.
Some things are all in the way you look at them. The angle of the world. How much darkness is in the way.
For the better part of a year, her and Douglas had been roaming. In and out of prairie, their violent storms, towns that had no name, or names that had fallen off their signs, and making sleep beside one another with restless dreams. The journey had knotted back in on itself. The time before that year, was when they joined their force to see to the past that had been chasing them both. After the fall, there was no great release, or redemption. What had been left was wide, yawning emptiness that pieced them both to the edges of their souls. They felt changed, but not certain of the way in which their efforts had made them changed people. Much like love, Madison figured, watching the flames stroke like red fingers against the shadows in their barrel, there was no certainty for how to find that release. Maybe it would come to them to finally sleep sound, or stop looking at the stars and the skies like maps. To one day ignore the insistence of the wind tugging at their hair and shirts saying run. But it seemed that the change was more quiet than this. It too, like those old forgotten towns disappearing into the weeds and hill, no longer wore a name or held identity. It was to be a passing notion of completion. They both longed for the next adventure, it was the inscription upon their very natures. They were starved without it, for they had been both different people before they set foot into the dark. In the right light, they were the same as before. But in the shadows, they were lost. Thick cloud cover came crawled across the sky, deepening the night. Madison sat forward, stared good and hard at the flames, then pushed to her feet and walked around to Glenn, squeezing his arm, rousing him from sleep. He'd fallen asleep an hour ago. His hat covered his face, and his boots were half-fallen from his feet. "Time to go in", whispered to his jaw, as she scratched at the side of his head. "You'll get a kink in your neck if you keep fallin' asleep like that."
She headed for the house. Left him to douse the fire. She liked the tingling warmth of it reaching through her blouse to scald her back as she walked away. Fingers chased through the taller grasses as she moved. When she undressed, her skin was red, and she would slip into the sheets nude and toasted. Eyes stared at the ceiling. Wondering what was next.
http://rdi.dragonsmark.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=27534
Once upon ago, she had made her sleep beside other misfits that had too found their kindred home in the West End, or at the edge, at the Penny Moon. At times, Madison deeply missed what had been simple days in between chaos and iron. The last strains of that time had played out, and even though they were always to be looked back on with some regret, and a formidable guilt (and one that had transformed her on a fundamental level) she missed them. For what they could have been, and for what made them so special - their brevity. She had thought, for that period, that she may have re-captured what she had shared on the road with other men and women. Though their directions and reasons varied, they were still of a similar ilk, and bred through heritage or experience or tragedy, for that way. The road had been their friend, and when all was done, and farewell was tipped in a hat, what had been was always. Some things don't break.
But then the Hexx had done what they did, and Elison Blue had re-appeared, a living dead man, or a man who had never really lived (..in the terms she had believed him to) and again, her life had been plunged in another direction. There was more regret, more shame. The failure of a marriage, and with it a dream of home and children, still haunted her. It was a thought she little engaged and mostly put to bed. The only inkling of it was the curious tinge, when staring at the night's fire in the field, throwing wood on to burn, as thoughts would yield from their hidden doors, and she might imagine what Elison was doing or thinking and if he felt guilt and shame for what had been lost. She had wondered whether it had had to have been lost at all? But what could they do. Both had changed. The only thought left for Elison, was an unending thanks that he had seen her special to save. That he had not let a hungry past eat her whole. That he had given up all he knew, to ensure she did not. Love did not wear the way we sometimes think it should. Besides her lessons on trust and time and their fickle natures, and those who give it to you, she had learned that love was often in disguise. At its most true and honourable, it rarely arrived packaged as you expect. And sometimes, it is doing for you favours that seemed so natural, that you thought you had done them for yourself.
Say, the time Glenn Douglas had slapped her ego across the room. In all that rust and guilt, regret and whiskey, chaos and iron, Madison had been clinging onto her pride like a triumph. But it, like Elison's blue old life, was a phantom, and in the right light, a lie.
Some things are all in the way you look at them. The angle of the world. How much darkness is in the way.
For the better part of a year, her and Douglas had been roaming. In and out of prairie, their violent storms, towns that had no name, or names that had fallen off their signs, and making sleep beside one another with restless dreams. The journey had knotted back in on itself. The time before that year, was when they joined their force to see to the past that had been chasing them both. After the fall, there was no great release, or redemption. What had been left was wide, yawning emptiness that pieced them both to the edges of their souls. They felt changed, but not certain of the way in which their efforts had made them changed people. Much like love, Madison figured, watching the flames stroke like red fingers against the shadows in their barrel, there was no certainty for how to find that release. Maybe it would come to them to finally sleep sound, or stop looking at the stars and the skies like maps. To one day ignore the insistence of the wind tugging at their hair and shirts saying run. But it seemed that the change was more quiet than this. It too, like those old forgotten towns disappearing into the weeds and hill, no longer wore a name or held identity. It was to be a passing notion of completion. They both longed for the next adventure, it was the inscription upon their very natures. They were starved without it, for they had been both different people before they set foot into the dark. In the right light, they were the same as before. But in the shadows, they were lost. Thick cloud cover came crawled across the sky, deepening the night. Madison sat forward, stared good and hard at the flames, then pushed to her feet and walked around to Glenn, squeezing his arm, rousing him from sleep. He'd fallen asleep an hour ago. His hat covered his face, and his boots were half-fallen from his feet. "Time to go in", whispered to his jaw, as she scratched at the side of his head. "You'll get a kink in your neck if you keep fallin' asleep like that."
She headed for the house. Left him to douse the fire. She liked the tingling warmth of it reaching through her blouse to scald her back as she walked away. Fingers chased through the taller grasses as she moved. When she undressed, her skin was red, and she would slip into the sheets nude and toasted. Eyes stared at the ceiling. Wondering what was next.