Topic: Ledger

Skyler · Date: 2006-05-20 15:42 EST

5/20/06

Man, I love hot dogs. Especially with yellow relish. I also like tacos quite a bit.

My all time favorite drink is chocolate milk. I could drink chocolate milk everyday for forever.

My all time favorite alcoholic beverage is Long Island Iced Tea, especially the ones that Jewell makes. After just one I?m always grinning like a fool. Maybe that?s not the only reason I?m grinning.

I don?t dislike children as much as I used to. I should apologize to Mystic for being such a butt. Wait a minute, I never apologize. I?ll just throw a pie in her face instead.

One time me and Tommy were kicking this guy?s ass. The guy surrendered his wallet, and Tommy tossed it to me and kept wailing on him. I flipped through his wallet, took out his picture of his little daughter, stuffed it in my mouth and chewed it up. He started crying and I laughed at him.

I can?t wait until the circus comes back to town. I want to eat cotton candy and torment the monkeys in their cages again.

I'm so glad I don't have to wait tables anymore. I love being rich.

Skyler · Date: 2006-05-21 02:50 EST

5/21/06

My favorite color is midnight blue. One time my friend Elle got crazy and stripped, and she had this slammin? hot midnight blue underwear on. Ever since then it?s been my favorite color. I wonder what happened to Elle. She was so cool.

Jonalyn is another chick I miss. I used to give her such a hard time, but she gave it right back to me. To me it says a lot about a woman?s character when she can see through my insensitive comments and not take them personally and see them for what they are, simply playfulness.

Anne is still one of my best friends ever, though, even though she?s dead. Even when I crossed the line and made those ridiculous accusations and perjured myself in court, she still didn?t hate me. Was I just so frustrated that she refused to hate me that I went so unimaginably far? Before Anne, there was never anyone who I couldn?t make hate me. But no matter how hard I tried, the woman refused. I was so frustrated by that! I wonder if she ever forgave me? If I had been there at her hanging, I would have redeemed myself. I would have rushed through the crowd, beat up the guards, slashed the rope around her neck carried her to safety. Wait a minute. No, I wouldn?t have. I am the Vile Villain! I would have stood there in the crowd pointing and laughing as she died! I need no friends, especially scurvy pirates.

Ledger, why is being bad so hard sometimes? Is a Vile Villain allowed to have friends? Tommy?s my friend. No, wait, we?re actually more like partners in crime. Is a Vile Villain allowed to have romantic and not only sexual feelings for women? There?s this lady I really like now. She?s so different from all the other fake, shallow chicks in this city. She?s real. She?s genuine. She?s so special, a true diamond in the rough, excuse the clich?. I actually like being around her and talking to her, not just wanting to get her in bed. I like to just hold her and cuddle her and whisper to her. Is something wrong with me?

Ledger, you?re the only one I?d tell these things to. I could never tell anyone else. Once word?s gotten out that a Villain?s gone soft, people stop being afraid, then it?s nothing but work, work, work all day long!

Skyler · Date: 2006-05-21 21:22 EST

5/21/06

I just slept for 23 hours! I can't believe how tired I was. When I woke up, I had all these haikus floating around in my head. I'm going to share them with you first, Ledger. Then I'll post them for the whole world to see!

Little butterfly
How I loathe your fragileness
I?ll rip off your wings

Long Island Iced Tea
Saturating my belly
Liquid ecstasy

Destre?s so happy
Entirely too cheerful
Take it down a notch

Panther is the boss
He made me hot chocolate
Ferocious black cat

Jewell is the Empress
Pretty eyes, curvaceous thighs
Bartending brilliance!

Keep right on crying
I?ll kiss the tears off your cheeks
Give your grief to me

Skyler · Date: 2006-05-23 18:25 EST

5/23/06

Hey, Ledger. This is Skyler again. :) Nice to see you. I'm in a good mood today and feel like writing. Here's a little more about myself . . ..

I?m eighteen years old and very wicked. I like caffeine and the scent of chocolate. The autumn is my favorite time of year, with the cool breezy evenings and pretty leaves, and, of course, Halloween. Winter makes me happy, too. So does teasing girls and giving them a hard time. I like getting random letters in the mail that make me smile and contemplate ways to murder the people who wrote them. I like finding new things. Looking at old pictures brings me happiness. I like dancing the night away and mugging people in dark alleys. Anyone who can cook me good Italian food has my heart. I have an addiction to shopping. I like tanning and hair styling. I have an immense adoration for expensive clothes of satin and silk. I like to laugh at others? misfortunes. I like bows, lace, rhinestones, ribbon, silk, sparkles, ruffles and velvet. I enjoy being mean to people. I like waterfalls and hot springs. I think helium balloons and birds are fun. Sleek black suits and expensive dress shirts are among my favorite attire. My prized possession is my long, pretty, shiny black hair. I like tanktops and flip-flops, too. I like to make other people angry. I like funny advertisements. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are wonderful. I am very calm and ponderous. I like soft fabrics. I like to run very fast through the night. I like skinny dipping and making out. I like good surprises. Good music moves me. I have a major sweet tooth. I like to draw stars and doodle. I think boardwalks and ferris wheels are fun. I like big dogs that bark at people before they attack them. I tap my feet and talk a lot when I?m nervous. Lip gloss and body lotions are wonderful. I?m a multi-taker. I like the sound of rain. I want to see snowfall on the beach because it sounds neat. I like items of clothing/accessories with crowns and stars on them. I like it when girls play with my hair. I?m good at getting things out of people. Talking in different accents and voices is fun to me. Candlelight soothes me, and that?s all you need to know!

Skyler · Date: 2006-06-04 15:08 EST

6/4/06

I love Sundays. I wish every day could be like Sunday. I slept until two o'clock in the afternoon today! Brilliant!

This should be a pretty relaxing day. I'm having a massage at three o'clock, a pedicure at four o'clock (all in room!), and a lobster dinner with Tommy and Gasher and Navajo Joe at eight o'clock. Man, I love being rich.

Maybe I'm drinking too much lately. My sword fighting skills are slipping. I lost to Topaz on Thursday ... it was my second loss in a row. Not that she's bad ... I mean, she IS the Baron of Dragon's Gate, but still, I should have beaten her.

Chris had the sweetest barbecue at the Red Dragon Inn on Memorial Day. I had three hot dogs and a pile of steaming veggies and a few beers. Chris is the man. I love barbecue's, especially in the summertime!

Too bad I won't be able to make it to Gav and Des' wedding. I guess I have to admit that I like those two. Those two were -made- for each other, I say. They're like male and female versions of the same person, both rediculously nice to everyone. As for me, my niceness runs out about half a hour after I wake up in the morning. After that, only a special few can get any congeniality out of me.

Jewell. I wonder how she's doing. I wonder if she's forgotten all about me. Nope! I -know- she hasn't! I can't wait until she comes back. I want to give her that present I bought her.

Anyways, time to get nekkid and have my massage. Later, Ledger!

Skyler · Date: 2006-06-09 13:36 EST

6/9/06

Ledger, I won the lottery . . . isn't that funny? A rich guy winning the lottery? That should be like illegal or something. Well, I'm certainly going to put it to good use. I'm gonna buy some new suits and some of that rare Sex Panther cologne!

Skyler · Date: 2006-06-13 14:23 EST

6/13/06

What the hell do I do now? She?s got too many secrets. I think her feelings for him run deeper than she ever let on to me. I should have known. I?m sure she just sees me as a visitor in her reality, not a permanent fixture. I wouldn?t feel so bad about this if I didn?t have powerful feelings for her, though.

I think I?m changing, and I don?t like it. I don?t like who I?m changing into. I hate emotions. I hate feeling. Why is it that some people don?t hate me nowadays? Before, everyone used to hate me. Life was easy that way. Now only some hate me. Wyheree doesn?t hate me. But if she really knew me ? she would. Brian and Charlotte don?t seem to hold any animosity. Even Icer seems tolerant now. It used to be when I walked into a room, I could feel the hatred on my skin. Oh well. They?ll come around eventually and see me for who I am. There?s only one person in this city whose opinion of me I care about.

Sheesh. Who is that Natalia? Everything inside me screamed to take her up on her offer. Almost everything. Then a memory of a grey-eyed woman with beautiful raven locks manifested in my mind, and I saw Natalia for the darkness that she is. Yep. A wolf in sheep?s clothing, that one.

Emotions are assholes. I need to find some super powerful mage to burn these emotions out of me. I wish I were older. It seems like most everyone in this city is in their twenties or thirties. Being a teenager is hard sometimes. Sometimes I just sit on the edge of my bed with my revolver in my hand and stare at it, for like forty-five minutes at a time.

Sometimes, Liam Farrell appears in my dreams. Last night he came upon me on horseback, emerging from a swirling mist. He loomed twelve feet in the air and gazed certain death down on me.

I won the Warlord?s Tournament last night. I won five straight matches against Rena, Vanion, Cory and Harris. Des was awesome, cheering me on most of the time. She?s one cool chick. I guess I?m a descent swordsman. Yet . . . among the blind, the one-eyed is king. The best swordsman I ever fought was the Lord of the Dale. I met him by a forest stream outside his estate at sunrise. I fought my hardest, yet he humbled me in two short minutes. It was like fighting a living ghost. I couldn?t touch him. His sword was as much a part of him as his hand and arm. He gashed my ribs and my fingers to debilitate me, but he left me alive. Why? I came to kill him. Why didn?t he put an end to me?

Ugh. It?s all out of my hands. I?m powerless to affect the way things will turn out. I didn?t have a chance to make enough of an impact. I didn?t have a chance to really reveal to her what?s inside of me. I didn?t have a chance to say some important things that needed saying. I have so much I still need to convey. Now I don?t know if I?ll ever have a chance. I have so many things to say, things she wouldn?t imagine?things that would make her blush, and then some . ?

?I?ve been awake for seventy hours. Time to sleep . . .

Skyler · Date: 2006-07-06 05:27 EST

7/6/06

Dear Ledger,

What a ridiculous night. Jewell?s first night back, we could have had so much fun. But no, a few assholes had to ruin everything.

I?m in bad shape. All that magic flying around gave me the worst headache and stomachache. Lucy's sword left a bloody gash on my rib. I?ve been dry heaving all night.

Jewell?s in worse shape. I?m watching her sleep right now. She?s in pain. Her breathing is labored. She?s a disheveled mess under those blankets?and she?s still so beautiful. I wish there was something I could do for her, to make it all go away?

I felt so helpless, not having any magic. I saw her thrust a knife into Alex?s heart, and the dude didn?t even seem to feel it. He just kept right on casting spells. Freak.

Lucy attacked me, and so did Lain. But I refused to hurt either of them. Jewell was all that mattered. I needed all my energy to devote to her. I had to stay close. Damn it. Listen to me. I sound like a whipped bitch. I gotta shape up. She took care of business better than I did. All I managed to do was get in the way.

I know all I did was make a fool out of myself. But at least I didn?t just sit idly by. I may have been just a kid with a sword amongst half a dozen mages, but at least I didn?t sit idly by! At least I didn?t sit idly by?like she wanted me to. She might as well have asked me to climb into tank of hungry piranhas. Not happening.

Wyheree was incredible. I don?t know what I would have done without her. She really saved my bacon. I need to thank her.

I need to sleep. I need to look at the bright side. Jewell is back, and now we can finally pick up where we left off. God? I hope she?ll be all right.

::Skyler closed his Ledger softly and stumbled toward the bed::

Skyler · Date: 2006-07-23 01:53 EST

7/23/06

Sometimes, when I look around, all I see is confusion.

Sometimes I say things that are so dumb. This girl named Amythst was in the inn tonight. I was told she had died, yet there she stood, as real as rain. So when I voiced my confusion it ended up being the totally wrong thing to say. I ended up sticking my foot in my mouth big time. Of course, Tara seemed to want to filet me for it. I don?t know when that girl is just going to realize that she doesn?t scare me, and that she secretly, deep down inside, wants to be my friend...

Then, as if that wasn?t enough, I made some stupid joke to Jewell that offended her. I mean, it wasn?t intentional. I was just trying to tease her like I always do. And don?t get me wrong, I don?t care who the hell I offend . . .unless it?s her. If I offend her, I want it to be on purpose. Not unintentionally.

I remembered something tonight. Something from the past, a lesson learned a long time ago. In a relationship, you can get by on lust and passion for a few months if you?re lucky. After that, you better have something else there to keep the bond nourished and strong. Tonight she ran to me and hugged me, and it made me feel really good, despite my horrid day. She always makes me feel really good. All I wanna do is make her feel as good as she makes me feel.

Ah, Ledger. You?re the only one to whom I could ever express these insecurities. It?s important to me to always appear confident and certain with whomever I interact. But, on the inside, I have my fair share of diffidence. You?re the only one who knows about these weaknesses of mine.

I saw Jewell healing my friend Wyheree tonight. That worried me. I?m going to go check on her as soon as possible. Except for Tommy and Gasher and Jewell, she?s my only true friend. I hope she?s okay ...

Skyler · Date: 2006-08-28 14:06 EST

8/28/06

So Jewell's been in bed sick this last week. Of course I paid her many bedside visits, bringing her medicine and such. Now she's back up and feeling fine and back to her old self. I'm glad. She also told me that Tommy has been denying that she is beautiful. He probably just tells her that because I'm always gushing to him about how hot she is.

Oh, yeah, Ledger! We got a new house! It's a mansion on the western sea, and we named the estate "Cosmo Beach." Tommy let me have the master bedroom. It's so awesome! Glass windows all around with a king size bed and a teriffic ocean view. I took Jewell there last night and we had such a great time.

The other day I spit a calzone in Rosie's face. It was great! She had chunks of mushrooms and cheese all in her hair. That's what she gets for throwing all those peanuts at me.

Taneth's having some party. I can't even spell the name of it, "mask-something." The funny thing is she still thinks my name is "Pepsi." I'm not going to tell her it's not -- I wanna see how long it takes before she catches on.

I got Issy laughing the other day. I was so proud of myself. Usually she feels she has to glare at me and project this image of toughness to me, go all porcupine or something, like I'm some threat. My counter to this is to just stare her down. That's what I do when Issy comes around! I simply "look" at her, switching between a variety of facial expressions, so she never knows exactly what I'm thinking. So the other day, after my usual "stare-down" I went over and told her a joke out of the blue -- and she laughed! Haha!

Des, once again, tried to send me some party favor. And, once again, it was returned to her. But not by me -- by Tommy. Apparently, he takes more offense than I do to her little gifts. I think that Des thinks she has something to worry about with Tommy. But that's just not true. He may be an evil, tyranical gangster, but he's not stupid. With all the protection she has about, he'd have to be a fool to antagonize her. And even if she didn't have that protection, I doubt even then that Tommy would do anything. Attacking weak little women is not his style, and Des is what? Like four foot nothing? Well, she did tackle me that one time and sprain my wrist . . . and beat me in an arm-wrestling match. But I won't be telling Tommy about any of that!

Skyler · Date: 2006-09-08 01:46 EST

9/8/06

Well, Ledger . . with Tommy?s urging, I went ahead and distanced myself from Jewell. It wasn?t easy, but it had to be done.

It was a great few months. We had some awesome times. But she just had this wall up around her that she would never let me through. And I couldn?t stand the way she said that she will always love Alex in a way. That hurt so bad, considering she never ever told me she loved me. Not once. I loved her. I should have just told her that. But I didn?t ? probably because I knew she wouldn?t say it back, and that would have hurt.

Despite what she said, it was a love triangle. I know what happens in those situations. He was her husband, he was her deepest love, the father of her children and what not, and for those three reasons, he?ll always have a place in her heart. How can we be as intimate as I want and need to be if so much of her heart is still reserved for him?

I?m sorry if I sound selfish, Ledger, but, I think with love you have to be selfish. I wanted all of her, all of her heart, and she wouldn?t give it to me. Perhaps she felt I wasn?t worthy of it, and perhaps she was right. Maybe I wasn?t. She simply didn?t make me feel like I was important. She didn?t ever talk about us moving in together, she would only kiss me on the cheek and not my mouth when she saw me for the first time of the day, and she completely turned her nose up at the prospect of having a child with me. Those things hurt me...it made me feel like I was nothing more than an accessory to her life, something she could use however she pleased and give little back to.

I guess there were just too many things working against us. Tommy, for one, hated that I spent so much time with her. And there was the fact that she was mostly fae, and, well, as for me, I?m just a human teenager. Maybe I?m just too young to understand love. Maybe if I had been closer to Jewell?s age, things would have worked out differently. Maybe for her, love isn?t like what it is for me.

One thing?s for sure, I hope things won?t be awkward now between us. They probably won?t. She?s an attractive girl and won?t have any problem finding a new male accessory for her life. The woman is a man magnet. She?s the best flirter I?ve ever seen, and she can reel in men as if she were casting a baited line into a lake of starving fish. She?s also pretty tough. . .and the loss of me probably won?t sadden her for long.

As I look around this beautiful ocean view bedroom, all I feel is remorse, remorse that we weren?t right for each other. We only got to spend one night together in this room....I wanted to spend so many more.

I?m going to sleep now, Ledger . . . . . my heart hurts.

Skyler · Date: 2006-09-20 16:59 EST

9/20/06

So, Ledger...

Last night I was chatting with Mack in the alley behind the Red Dragon Inn. We got to talking about space, and that brought back a lot of old memories for me. You see, she flies around space a lot, she's some sort of pirate. I've never told you this, but I've been in space, too. Back when I was sixteen, after I said my final goodbye to Erin on the mountaintop, I stepped into the Nexus and went for the ride of my life. An amazing thing, that Nexus. It took me to so many places . . . If everyone could only see what I?ve seen. I?ve seen things and been places no one would imagine! I?ve met amazing people a lot of this city's folk probably haven?t even heard of! People from Earth, mostly. Why? I don't know. I don't think anyone can understand the Nexus. But, through it, I transcended time and traveled through space! I saw . . . attack ships on fire, off the shoulder of Orion. I?ve watched fairies glisten in the dark, along the shores of Atlantis. I?ve sailed the Sea of Galilee at sunset, atop the bow of the Queen Mary, with the wind in my hair! I philosophized with John Milton and Galileo Galilei, next to the Fountain of Neptune in Florence. I walked Red Square at midnight, and once kissed the hand of Cleopatra beneath Ra?s cruel eyes. I piloted a Galaxy class starship along the spine of Capricorn, then set a course for Polaris. I drew pistols with Doc Holiday, crossed swords with Errol Flynn, and had a nightcap with Jack Kerouac in the White Horse Tavern. From the crow?s nest of the Adventure, I watched Captain Maynard ambush and behead the pirate Blackbeard and mount his head on the bow of his ship. I strolled the gothic streets of dreary London and placed flowers upon the grave of Samuel Pepys?. I even caught a ride on the Orient Express from Paris to Romania, and discussed strategies of war with Emperor Napoleon!

Ha! I bet you didn't know I was so cultured, Ledger! All before the age of nineteen, too. Why was I taken to so many places? Why, out of all times and places, did the Nexus finally leave me here, on this little planet of RhyDin?

Oh, well. Thankfully it's left me alone for a while, so I guess this is where I'll be staying. This is a nice place. I live in an amazing house, and there's an abundance of interesting people around this city.

Also, Ledger, I have a something interesting to report. Jewell slept over last night. It's not fair that I'm so maddeningly attracted to her. Still, to this day, when she's standing in the Inn amongst a crowd of people, my eyes just automatically gravitate toward her. She just ...sparkles. I don't know, it sounds silly. Jewell slept horribly last night...tossing and turning, muttering. She seemed to be having tormented dreams. I heard the saddest things come out of her mouth. I cuddled up against her, put my arms around her, but it didn't seem to help. I don't even know if she realized it or not. But despite that she was going through tumultuous dreams where I could not go, I was still right there, curled around her physical self, standing guard. I can't stop caring about Jewell, Ledger. I just can't. I suppose I can manage to stop loving her -- her refusal to purge her heart and life of Alex is all I need is all I need to manage that --but, damn it, I can't stop caring. Whenever I see Jewell in sorrow, I feel this gnawing need to make her feel better. Maybe I'm just a bitch, I don't know.

Later.

Skyler · Date: 2006-09-29 03:02 EST

9/29/06

So, Ledger, what's new?

Not much here. Life's going pretty well I'd say. Let me fill you in . . .

Last night Jewell said the strangest thing to me. It was really confusing when I heard it, but, the more I think about it, the more confused I get. She said something about not having the time for someone, what with her kids and all, if they weren't going to be in her life. And I was so puzzled by that. Of course I'm going to be in her life, right? I love Jewell, even though love scares me. So the more I think about it, the more confused I get. Here's what I think . ..

Do you think that was some subtle way of trying to propose to me?

I know, I know, sounds silly, right? So I got to thinking -- maybe that's some strange fae custom, the woman proposing to the man? I don't know. I'm probably wrong.

Anyways, Jewell and I are back together now, so I need to tone my friendship with Sarah down. No more scantily clad dips in the hot tub, no siree. And not only will I do that out of respect for Jewell, but Gasher as well. He's been a good friend, you see, and I don't want to step on his toes by being too good of friends with the girl he likes. That's right. Gasher's finally into a girl! She gave him his first kiss, and I watched! He was a good kisser, too, because I saw Sarah sway a little afterwards. Oh yeah! And tonight he came home with Sarah! Things must have been going good between them because they sure were making a lot of noise downstairs! Ha! Go Gasher!

Wow, I'm up late tonight...I can't sleep. I miss Jewell. This bed is so empty without her. Every time the waves break on the shore outside, I think of my J-Bug. I didn't get to see her tonight, but I have an idea. Maybe I'll grab my coat and traverse the dark and foggy RhyDin streets, head over to her villa and sneak into her bedroom? I'll curl up around her as she sleeps and hold her all night long, then when she wakes up I'll be right there with my arms around her?

Skyler · Date: 2006-10-10 23:23 EST

10/10/06

Dude, Ledger, the craziest stuff happened tonight...

There?s this chick in the Inn named Renna. She looked interesting because she was all dark and mysterious and stuff, so I started talking to her. Yeah, I flirted a little, just for fun, just to see how she would react. Well, she didn?t react well. Turns out she wanted to eat me and torture me and stuff like that! So I got the hell out of there, went into the alley ? and she followed me out there. She?s so aggressive, like a true predator or something...I was about to freak out.

Then Jewell showed up. I don?t know what Renna?s intentions were ? whether she wanted to really hurt me or just scare me ? but I do know that Jewell saved me. She?s got some powerful magic in her, my beautiful fae lover. She can be pretty intimidating when she wants to be. Renna backed right down when Jewell showed up, too! What would I do without her?

The other night I wrote Jewell a poem. I snuck into her bedroom and left it on her pillow. She hasn?t said anything about it, though...so I don?t know if she got it or not, or if she just didn?t like it. I know one thing, though. I?m only really happy when I spend the night with Jewell. I don?t like spending the night away from her. I like sleeping right next to her throughout the night with my arm around her the whole time. I want to kiss her goodnight and put her to bed ?every- night and be able to gaze upon her pretty sleeping face whenever I wake up.

Skyler · Date: 2006-11-22 14:55 EST

Hey, Ledger.

Last night I did something bad. I guess I should feel bad about it, but I don?t. Well, maybe a little bad, but not really. I resent the way Jewell has subtly changed me into a ?nice guy.? I?m not a nice guy. I?ve never been one. I guess a leopard can?t change his spots, isn?t that what they say? Nope, I?m an asshole till the very end. I guess the sooner she realizes that, the better. She?ll probably never forgive me for what I did last night, and that?s fine. I don?t want her to. She shouldn?t have tried to control me. She should have asked me what happened instead of immediately tossing out threats and warnings based on some crap Grem told her. And I?m sick and tired of people invoking Jewell?s name when they make threats about my bad behavior. I should be entitled to behave badly without being afraid of people telling Jewell about it. She?s not my mother! It doesn?t matter. She will always care more about how her friends feel than how I feel. They?ll always be first, with me just a little accessory to her life waiting in the wings. This is actually perfectly timed. I can tell she?s been wanting to get back with Alex, so now is her perfect opportunity. I?ve given her the perfect Segway. It will be so easy for her to walk away now, I?ve given her ample reason to. Hopefully she?s seen who I really am, and will decide she wants no more to do with me. I'll never be who she wants me to be. Ledger, I'm heading out of town for a few days. I need to get away.

Skyler · Date: 2006-11-27 11:13 EST

11/26/06

Well it's about ten o'clock and I just walked into the Red Dragon Inn. I grabbed myself a bottle of vodka from behind the bar. This girl named Erinalle was back there but I ignored her. I ignored everyone. All I did was come to the couch and open you up. I plan to lay here and get drunk by the fire. I was hoping Jewell would be here, but I don't see her. I wonder if I can drink this whole vodka bottle in one hour? Man I'd probably die of alcohol poisoning if I tried. Vodka is some serious stuff, especially straight. I don't know why I like vodka straight, it just really does it for me I guess. I don't know what it will be like or how it will go if I get to talk to Jewell tonight. I'm really not in the mood to get chewed out. Frankly, I'd rather get beaten up than chewed out. Getting chewed out feels worse. Oh, wait. Someone's coming over here . . . crap! It's Jewell. She just appeared from nowhere! I'll continue later . .

Skyler · Date: 2006-12-11 10:52 EST

12/10/06

Wow, Ledger...if you only had eyes...you would have seen a lot from your spot on my night stand last night.

Jewell asked me to come home early, so I did. She was waiting for me. In my room. In my bed. Dressed in this...dress.

It was like I entered into this trance as soon as I saw her... she had candles burning, music playing ...and that dress.

I felt kind of hypnotized. Then my clothes just started to come off. I don't even remember making a conscious decision to take them off. They just sort of . . . fell away.

I don't know how I could ever be skeptical about her committment to me when she does things like that. There was that ... plus the fact that I haven't seen her talking to Alex in a long time. She did go home with Tass the other day but that never really bothered me. Like I would be jelous of that old coger. It doesn't really matter to me which men she talks to or hangs out with . . . except for one.

Anyways. It's a good thing no one was home last night. I'm sure there was enough noise coming from this bedroom to wake everyone in the house. And Molly did give me a funny look this morning . . .

Skyler · Date: 2006-12-14 11:53 EST

12/14/06

Hey, Ledger. Last night, Jewell asked me to move in with her. You know what I said? Hell yeah. It's gonna be awesome. I get to hang out with seven fun playful kids instead a house full of assholes. And of course, I get to sleep next to Jewell every night instead of just every once in a while. I'm also going to make a concerted effort to be home earlier. Some nights I just won't be able to help it. Maybe on those nights I'll just go back to Cosmo Beach so I don't wake her up or disturb her. But I should be back at a reasonable time for the most part.

So last night I had to tell Jewell why I acted distant the other night. I didn't think I was being that transparent or acting different at all, but apparently she saw right through me. I told her the truth as to why. I'm just not the social butterfly type. Most people I'd rather glare at then talk to. Especially strangers. Jewell can talk to a complete stranger like they're her best friend, but I'm just not like that. There was something I didn't mention, though. Something selfish I'm not ashamed to admit. When she's talking to those other people, she's not talking to me. When she's looking at those other people, she's not looking at me. When someone says something funny, it's not me who makes her laugh. That's all peachy and all, but I couldn't be a part of it. I'm not gonna be arm candy while she's sitting on her throne and holding court. Nope. I don't compete with others for her attention. I'll just politely withdraw, wait till we're alone, then surround her with my flames.

I don't think I can take you with me, Ledger. What if she saw you and picked you up to read you? Well, no, I doubt Jewell would do that. But I can't speak for anyone else. There are children and housekeepers. No, I'll just have to leave you here at Cosmo Beach. I'll be sure to come back and continue spilling my deepest thoughts to you on a regular basis, though.

Skyler · Date: 2007-01-01 02:32 EST

1/1/07

I like this new house, Ledger. It's nice here. I feel very welcome, for the most part. I love playing with the kids. I get to be a little kid myself when I play with them. Devyn is the funnest because she's so easy to vex. I always tease her just enough to get her worried, then I totally do a 180 and do something to make her smile. Eva Jade is the coolest. She seems to understand the way I interact with Devyn and she seems to be highly amused by it. Oz, Kerrick and Raven are sooooo easy to impress. I showed them my sword and my guns and showed them a few moves and had them eating out of the palm of my hand. After I showed them the moves they found toys in the playroom to use as swords and started having play sword fights between themselves. They all definitely have potential, I'd say.

It doesn't go that smoothly with Moradin. He seems to not know quite how to act around me, and vice versa. I'll talk to him and he'll talk back, but he sort of hesitates to really open up. He did tell me his first name was actually Brian, though. It's almost like there's a voice in his head warning him not to fully accept me.

Now, about Amanda....if looks could kill, I'd be dead. That kid seems to genuinely hate me. When I first met her in the inn several months ago, she seemed totally cool and pleasant and happy to meet me. Now it's like...she seems to wish I was dead. The fact that I know and understand why she feels like that surely helps me deal with it. Hell, I'd probably feel the same way if I was her, so I don't blame her. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing - smiling and waving politely when I see her and steering clear whenever possible. Maybe in time she'll start to be less mean to me, but I'm not counting on it.

OMG, Ledger, Alex came over the other day. Can you say awkward? I got the hell upstairs and hid. One thing's for sure -- I'm definitely not here to play dad. I'm here to be with Jewell and love her and support her. So when dad shows up, it's time for me to disappear. I think he and Amanda talked, which is probably a good thing. Kids that age need their fathers big time. I can certainly attest to that.

Anyways . . . Tommy made me work on Saturday night, when I was supposed to go to this party with Jewell.

That son of a bitch.

Skyler · Date: 2007-02-03 12:01 EST

::the following entry was written into the Ledger by the ghost of Skyler Jackson Chamberland, who did not know it was a ghost. It was undated::

My beautiful J-Bug,

I love you so much.

I?m still so amazed by all the things we?ve shared together. The memories are so vivid and powerful. I remember playing in the summer rain on the front lawn of the inn. I remember playing in the snow with you and the children. I remember swimming with you at night, in that pond...and in the ocean. I remember dueling through five bloody sword matches, and each time I would take a hit, I would look at you outside the ring, and find the strength to continue in your eyes. I remember sitting on the couch in the Red Dragon Inn, holding you in my lap, kissing, drinking, chatting. I remember the very moment I began to love you, that night you came inside the inn looking rumpled because your search for your friend Ammy did not go well. I remember seeing you in that moment ... and needing you. Somehow, I needed to take some of your pain into myself, to share it with you. To share everything with you.

Something strange is happening, Jewell. I can?t seem to get through to you, for some reason. Every time I touch your face, all you do is cry. Every time I put my arms around you, all you do is shrink up. I want you to know that you don?t have to be sad anymore. Whatever?s the matter, I?m right here. I?m right here beside you. Even now, even in this strange situation, just remember ? there is no place on this world my love cannot extend to. Do you understand? You can feel me when I touch you. You?ll see. Where ever life should take you, I will be but a footstep behind you. When the wildflowers bloom in the Spring, they are my fingers reaching out for your embrace. As you stand upon moonlit shores and gaze across the ocean, know that I am gazing back, from the other side of the dark waters. Even when the wind flutters through the forest leaves around the Villa, it is my whisper that I love you.

It?s so powerful, J. This love inside. I take it with me, where ever I go. It is how I will always be with you.

Skyler