Little Boys Need Their Fathers



When Skyler was little, his father was famous. Fredrick Chamberland was the most feared man in the Empire ? the Shogun?s Decapitator. He cut off the heads of four-hundred and seventy men, under the orders of his maniacal master. It was a bad time for the Empire.

His only child, Skyler, then age four, looked much the same as he does now. He was always slender, bordering on skinny, with long, shiny black hair. His face was purely his mother?s, her feminine beauty highly manifest in its male incarnation on the face of her son.

Late one night, when he was supposed to be asleep, the child lay trembling beneath his covers. The blankets were cold, and eerie moonlight shadows danced on the walls.

Afraid, he crawled out of bed and crept into the living room. ?Momma, when?s dada comin? home??

His mother lay on the couch, enfolded in the arms of her ?friend,? a man named Phillip. Skyler, being four years old, saw nothing odd about the way Phillip was affectionately caressing her. Laura Chamberland glared spiteful malice at her son from the cocoon of the man?s arms. ?Back to bed at once.?

Skyler lowered his head and turned around, shamed by his mother?s scolding. He wandered sadly back to his bedroom, where he went to the window and gazed outside, hoping to see his father walking up the lawn. He did not.

From his bedroom window, Skyler could see the castle where Fredrick served the Shogun. It was the tallest structure in the land, a towering masterpiece of Japanese architecture, hellish-looking and gothic, like a massive beast. The boy was always too frightened to go near it. It was lined with ugly demon statues and built with jagged angles. At night, many of the windows glowed red, like bloody eyes.

?Dada,? he pleaded. ?Just come on home.?

Snakes and Swords and Mystic Chords



When Skyler was six years old, he woke one night to angry shouts in the hall outside his bedroom. He went to the door and peered out dazedly. On one side of the hallway his mother stood in the doorframe of her bedroom, shouting at one of her ?friends,? a man named Sergio, who stood at the opposite side of the hall.

?You were supposed to be here three hours ago!? Laura?s voice was shrill and furious.

?Shut-up, you psycho bitch. I come and go when I feel like it!? Sergio shot back.

They both noticed the child at once. ?Skyler, go back to bed,? warned Laura, unconcerned with the fact that her little boy was terrified.

Sergio walked down the hallway, scowling at Laura. ?You?re crazy. You?re losing your mind, Laura. That?s why no one likes to be around you anymore.?

The woman took a fearful step back. ?Stay away from me!? She hurled a flower vase at Sergio. The man turned sideways and the vase shattered on his shoulder, water and pottery shards tumbling down his side. They stared hatred at each other for a tense moment.

Sergio seemed to be debating between simply walking out and throwing up his hands, and getting back at her for attacking him. He glanced down at the broken vase, his expression darkening. Then he bounded down the hall, seized Laura by her shoulders and began shaking her. ?You crazy psycho bitch! You maniac whore!?

Terrified, Skyler ran toward them and shouted. ?Stop! Leave my mom alone! Just leave her alone!? He reached up and took hold of Sergio?s arm, trying to pull the man off his mother.

?Skyler, go back to bed!? Laura ordered, her voice broken due to Sergio?s shaking.

The boy, torn between helping his mother and obeying her order, simply took a step back and began crying. ?I want dada!?

Sergio took one hand off Laura Chamberland and backhanded the six year old. Skyler staggered away and looked pleadingly at his mother through tear-blurred eyes.

Laura had no sympathy. ?I told you to go back to bed!?

Outraged and traumatized, Skyler turned and ran down the hall, the broken pottery crunching beneath his small bare feet. He threw open the front door and darted into the warm summer night, sobbing. Outside, he hid in a bush and watched the house, praying that his mother would come out to find him and see if he was okay. She did not. All the boy could hear was more shouting.

Trembling, Skyler turned his gaze to the Shogun?s castle, standing high on the horizon, its windows glowing red, like hundreds of evil eyeballs. It seemed to be his only option. His father would be livid if Skyler came to him at work, but the boy saw no alternative.

Beneath the light of the full moon, the six year old Skyler Jackson Chamberland plodded disconsolately down the dirt road that wound through the sleeping Japanese city. In the darkness around him, the night wind howled through the trees, unseen owls let out spooky hoots, and fireflies flickered in the mist.

As he came closer and closer to the castle, the structure looked even more imposing. If it seemed big and scary from Skyler?s bedroom window, it looked positively colossal and bloodcurdling up close. Yet as afraid as he was of the Shogun?s castle, it was not as frightening as the home he had just escaped. He came to the base of the ramp that led to the castle?s main gate. The two guards standing watch there looked down curiously as he passed, but did not challenge him. The son of Fredrick Chamberland was known throughout the city, and not unwelcome in the castle where his father served the Shogun. After all, he was only six. Skyler plodded up the ramp toward the main gate.

The two armed guardsmen at the main gate questioned him. ?Something wrong, boy??

?I need my dada,? was all Skyler could say. His long pretty black hair dangled sloppily down on either side of his face. ?Something happened at my house.?

One guard nodded to the other, and together they swung open a large, wide door. Skyler stepped inside, and they closed the door behind him. The boy found himself in a massive, empty foyer with elaborate furnishings and obsidian marble columns. Decorative torches burned on the walls, bathing the room in dim orange light. The boy had only seen this place once before. He did not know where to find his father.

A door at the side of the foyer swung open. An old servant woman slipped out and made for a broad staircase that led to the castle?s upper regions. She walked directly past Skyler without even seeing him.

?Help,? said Skyler, between soft sobs. It was all he could think to say.

The woman let out a startled squeak and slapped her hand to her mouth to stifle it. She spun and saw Skyler for the first time. ?Little boy, I didn?t even see you there. What are you doing here at this late hour??

?I need my dada,? Skyler repeated, his cheeks shiny with tears.

?You . . . you?re Fredrick Chamberland?s boy, aren?t you??

Another servant, a much younger woman, appeared at the top of the staircase. ?Milli,? she asked softly. ?Who?s that??

?It?s Fredrick Chamberland?s son,? Milli answered. ?Something has happened to him.?

?I need my dada!? Skyler screeched at them, balling his small hands into fists and crying harder.

?You should take the boy to him,? the younger woman advised.

?I?m not going down there,? replied Milli.

?Nor am I.?

Milli knelt before Skyler and pointed to a door at the far end of the foyer. ?Take that door, keep following the steps down. Don?t take any of the side doorways, just keep going down the main staircase. Your father will be in the dungeons, most likely.? She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. ?Why don?t you come up to the nursery, child? We will make you a cup of warm milk and prepare a bed. It?s ... very scary down in the dungeons. Stay up here where it?s warm and cozy.?

?I need my dada.? Skyler drew away from her and walked to the indicated door, his bare feet cold on the polished mahogany floorboards. He tried not to look at the ugly gargoyle statues he passed, or the portraits of mean-looking men and depressing tapestries on the walls. When he stood in the right spot, he placed his small hands on the door and pushed as hard as he could. Very slowly, it creaked open, revealing a dark, narrow staircase. Having come too far to turn back now, he stepped into the blackness. He was afraid, but a numbness spread over him, and the thought of his father waiting in the depths below gave him the courage he needed to proceed with relative calm.

He descended the winding staircase that grew narrower at every turn. He passed many doors with eerie sounds behind them; sounds of labored breathing, sounds of mating (Skyler understood mating, having been subjected to it by his mother and her male callers), sounds of pain, sounds of sadness. Protests, pleads, sighs, growls; all these noises echoed in the darkness, as Skyler trudged numbly along.

The air was damp, cool, stale. The coppery stench of blood stung his nostrils. An occasional tombstone torch lit the way, creating a consistent pattern of light and darkness to elucidate his descent. The few steps just near the torches were illuminated, then they grew darker and darker, vanishing altogether until the next torch brought more light. Some of the torches had gone out, forcing Skyler to feel his way along for several long stretches in utter blackness.

By the time he reached the bottom, the boy was exhausted. He was more tired than frightened, now. A tall guardsman with a disfigured face stood watch before a gate of metal bars. Skyler turned his tired, tear-stained face up to him. ?I need my dada. Something happened at our house.?

The guardsman shouted through the gate. ?Lord Chamberland!?

A male voice replied softly from the shadows behind the gate. ?He?s with the Shogun in the torture chamber! They?re not to be disturbed.?

?His little boy is here. It?s some sort of emergency.?

The one who had spoken behind the gate came to the bars and peered down at the boy. ?How did you get down here? This is no place for a child.?

Skyler could think of nothing to say, except to repeat the same sentence he had repeated to every other guardsman he had encountered. ?I need my dada. Something happened at home.?

The two guardsmen looked at each other. ?I?m not about to go interrupt them and get my ear chopped off for disobedience,? said the one behind the gate.

?Nor I,? the disfigured man agreed.

?It?s my momma,? Skyler told them, weakly. ?She . . .,? he trailed off into tears.

Realizing the implications of this ? a possible situation with Fredrick Chamberland?s wife ? the guard behind the gate threw up his hands. ?Very well, boy. You will go see him yourself. I?m not going in there.? He pointed through the bleak corridor behind him. ?The door at the very end of the hall.?

Skyler moved forward numbly. They didn?t even have to open the gate for him ? he was small enough to squeeze through the bars. He passed many cells as he transcended the hallway, their occupants grunting and leering at the child as he passed. One man tried to press his face between the bars, sneering with rotten teeth. Another man sat far back in his cell, leaning against the wall, grinning the wide, frozen grin of a lunatic. Yet another man reached out for him, flailing an arm rich with scurvy blooms and other rashes. Skyler?s eyes watered from the reek of feces and rotting flesh.

A large oaken door loomed before him, the room in which Skyler would finally find his father. He reached for the knob. It was stiff, and a sharp metallic chafe filled the air when it turned. The door swung slowly inward.

The long room within was illuminated by red light, its source unapparent. Men in dark cloaks paced about, moving from table to table with bowls and implements and vials. Deep cowls covered their faces. None of the druid-like figures noticed the boy. A curtain of chains hanging from the middle of the ceiling served as a divider. Skyler could see figures beyond it, but not clearly.

Just when Skyler was about to pipe up and reiterate his plea for his father, a baritone voice boomed behind the curtain. ?It is time.? The cloaked figures gathered their items into their hands and passed through the curtain of chains, leaving Skyler alone.

Suffering from sensory overload by now, the boy approached the curtain, zombie-like. He got down on his knees and parted the chains just enough to poke his face through. His child eyes grew wide.

The sight before him would burn permanently into his mind, the image searing into his impressionable young psyche forever. It would be another of the many factors that figured into the delinquency and character flaws of his later youth.

A vertical alter, like a stone crucifix, sat in the middle of the room, whereupon a skinny young woman with no clothes was strapped, her arms and legs spread wide. Her face was bloody and swollen, her hair a mess. She breathed slow raspy breaths, as if she?d already screamed her voice away and was now too tired to offer further protests. On the floor before her, there was a recession in the stones, a small pool filled with blood red liquid. The druid-like figures had gathered around the alter and the pool in a semicircle, on their knees.

A voice boomed in the shadows behind the alter. ?Begin.?

Each of the cloaked men held a bowl in their lap, each apparently filled with different grotesque concoctions. They began to chant. One by one they reached into their bowls, grasped handfuls of its contents and slung them at the naked woman. All manners of disgusting ingredients splattered her body: blood, garlic, maggots, earthworms, slugs, blood, slime, snails, eyeballs, blood, animal fur, human teeth, lard, blood. The ingredients covered her body from head to toe; nesting in her hair, splashing her eyes, nose and mouth, dripping from her breasts down to the fuzzy mound between her legs. The woman attempted to say something, but her voice was broken, weak and barely audible. Her head lay limply on her shoulder.

After their bowls were empty, the druid-like figures chanted louder, an ominous, hateful dirge that echoed off the stone walls of the torture chamber. A figure stepped forth from the shadows behind the alter, garbed in a ceremonious black and gold kimono. He was tall and dark, with a full beard lining his cruel face ? the Shogun.

?Come, Azrael!? His deep baritone voice rang out over the monotonous chanting. He spread his arms evangelically, gazing down at the bloody pool. ?Come forth, Lord Azrael! Rise . . . and feast!?

The pool of blood began to roil, bubbling, churning. Then, slowly, a black snake as thick as a man?s leg coiled up from the blood. With beady, malevolent eyes it stared at the woman, its serrated tongue lashing randomly from its mouth. As Azrael loomed amidst them, the cloaked figures chanted still louder ? harmoniously now ? haunting mystical chords, triumphantly heralding and praising their idol?s appearance. The Shogun gazed upon the serpent with greedy, lustful eyes.

Skyler had seen snakes before. But the serpent which emerged from the bloody pool in the floor could not be rightly considered a snake. It would have been like calling a grizzly bear a kitten. The boy felt as though he were caught in a nightmare ? a nightmare from which it was impossible to wake. Trembling, afraid even to breath, he watched in agony, praying his father would somehow appear, take him into his arms and tell him this was all a dream.

The snake stood erect from the pool in a black, slimy coil. Its head made one revolution, taking in it glorification with amused, malevolent interest. Then its eyes fell on the helpless woman bound before it, and Azrael slinked toward her. Faster than Skyler?s eyes could follow, the serpent lurched and bit the bronze, bloodstained flesh of her belly. Two fang holes appeared on her skin, and blood immediately gushed from them. The woman made a desperate effort to scream, but a broken, hoarse croak was all she could manage. She had screamed her last.

The druid-like figures chanted more rapidly. Skyler could see everything just over their heads, from his hiding place behind the curtain. The snake, as if dancing to the cadence of the chanting, dipped toward the naked woman?s middle.

She used whatever strength remaining to her to struggle franticly against her restraints, yet she could manage little movement, and she was unable to close her legs. Azrael flickered its tongue against her soggy mound, seemingly entertained by her writhing. Then, suddenly and violently, the black snake thrust its head into the hole between her legs. The woman?s head pitched forward and her eyes bulged. Her face froze and her mouth formed a scream of agony that would not ring out.

With slow, foul wriggles and revoltingly sick suction noises, the snake slithered further and further inside of her. The woman twitched sickeningly at each of its slimy jolts, head tossing, lips forming silent pleas. The chants were deafening.

?Lord Chamberland. Come,? the Shogun?s voice rumbled, deeper and louder than the chants.

Finally Skyler saw his father, emerging from the shadows behind the alter. The boy nearly ran forward and clung to him, but something held him back, some soft voice of common sense in his mind. Perhaps it was the fact that Fredrick held a battleaxe at his side, clenched tightly in his right hand. The man had a frightful look in his eyes ? one Skyler had never seen before ? a look of pending psychosis and fragile sanity. His aged face was lined with stress and fatigue.

By now the snake was entirely inside the woman?s body. Clumpy innards began to spew from the gaping crevice between her thighs. Her belly bulged grotesquely. Lumps appeared across her torso where they shouldn?t have been. Fredrick studied her for a moment with vague curiosity, then swung the battleaxe at her. It hewed clean through her neck and thudded dully against the alter. The woman?s head tumbled off her shoulders.

Blood oozed and bubbled from the woman?s open neck like an erupting volcano. Moments later, Azrael the snake slithered out of the opening, slick and shiny with blood and guts. Like a climber who?d just conquered a great mountain, it gazed about proudly at the chanting cloaked figures, the Shogun, and the headsman. The snake then emerged from the woman?s body, steaming, bloated, almost twice as thick as it was before. It dropped to the floor with a wet thud and slithered back into the bloody pool. The chanting slowly quieted, then ceased.

In the sudden silence, the faint whimpering of a small boy could be heard. All of the men turned in Skyler?s direction. Skyler didn?t think it was possible for his father?s face to get any darker, but it did.

Fredrick stomped to where he hid, swatted the chains apart and drew his son up to his face by grabbing the front of his shirt with one hand. ?The devil are you doing here?? He shook the boy, hard, but Skyler, traumatized and dazed, offered no resistance. His head swayed flaccidly. Despite being violently shaken, he was relieved to finally be with his father, and did not care that he was angry. ?Answer me!?

A large hand came down on Fredrick?s shoulder. ?Something?s wrong with him,? the Shogun observed.

Fredrick seemed to have noticed this, too, and ended his tirade. He peered into his son?s watery eyes. ?What?s happened to you??

?Momma.? Skyler tried to pull his head up, but it only rolled loosely from shoulder to shoulder, no strength left in his neck. ?Fighting.?

The Shogun glared heatedly at Fredrick. ?You can?t take care of your own bloody family??

Fredrick Chamberland looked away in shame.

?Go take care of business. Don?t show your face to me again until you can show me you know how to keep your duty and your family separate.? The Shogun?s deep voice was full of malice and spite.

Fredrick?s face tightened as he gazed into the shadows, unable to meet his Shogun?s condescending glare. He tucked Skyler under his arm like a textbook and carried the boy away, the battleaxe still clutched in his other hand. He marched all the way back home through the black of night, through the dungeons, up the long staircase, through the castle foyer and into the city, carrying the lightweight child effortlessly under his arm. The boy?s long black hair dangled down with a sad lack of grace.

When they stood before the house, Fredrick seemed to have forgotten about the small boy he carried under his arm like a sack. He stood on the front walk, staring hatefully at the home. Skyler, sagging limply, peered up at the twinkling stars through soggy eyes, wishing the nightmare would end.

In the quiet of the night, sounds of frantic lovemaking drifted out of the home. Fredrick listened for long moments, seeming to grow calmer. Finally, he quietly open the front door and approached the bedroom, Skyler in tow.

Grunts and groans grew louder the closer father and son came to the bedroom. The door was ajar. Fredrick kicked it open. It flew into the wall with a bang so loud Skyler slapped his hands over his ears. He felt a great tension come over his father, and wanted badly to be released. Yet the man continued to hold him tightly to his side.

Several candles lit the room within. Sergio, who had been lying naked atop Laura Chamberland, lurched to his feet, staring at the Shogun?s Headsman with wild, terrified eyes. His half-erect penis waggled before him like some halfwit?s impression of a magic wand.

Without a word, Fredrick swung the battle axe in a high arc and brought it down into Sergio?s collarbone. It cleaved through his torso, clean down to his abdomen. Sergio collapsed, mouth agape, blood surging from the fissure. Fredrick wrenched the battleaxe out of his body with a moist crackle of bone and flesh.

Laura hadn?t managed a sound. She clutched the blankets to her chest and watched the scene unfold with a dumbstruck disbelief. But when Fredrick turned his gaze on her, she shrank from it. The man dropped Skyler. The boy hit the floor, spun and pressed his face against the wall, terrified of Sergio?s bloody body that seemed to be staring at him.

?I let you have your fun,? Fredrick rasped down at her ominously. ?All you have to do is keep this little maggot clothed and fed and out of my hair.? He slapped Skyler on the back of the head. The boy whimpered and sank down to his knees.

Laura couldn?t manage a reply. She stared up at him from the bed with fear and loathing. Fredrick?s cruel eyes returned those sentiments. He dropped the axe, and his hands dipped down to his belt buckle. Laura squawked indignantly and tried to roll away, but she was caught by one of Fredrick?s big hands. He clamped it down on the back of her neck and pinned her to the bed. He ripped the sheets back, exposing her naked body. Then he methodically began to whip her bare buttocks and thighs with his leather belt.

Skyler cringed against the wall, eyes closed, covering his ears against his mother?s incensed screams of shame and protest. As leather tore into flesh and Laura cried out, he retreated deeply within himself. The night?s events would leave a permanent scar in his psyche, and forever effect his behavior and demeanor as a juvenile.

When Fredrick finished beating his wife, he led Skyler back to the boy?s bedroom. ?Wait here.?

Anesthetized to where he could barely bring himself to move, the boy somehow found his bed and wilted onto the mattress. His father returned a moment later holding a long, dark object. Skyler peered up at him in silent trepidation.

?Don?t ever come to me again, filth. A real man solves his own problems.? He tossed the object onto Skyler?s bed ? Fredrick Chamberland?s samurai sword, the one he kept locked in a glass display case. ?That?s yours now. If your mother tries to take it from you, stab her with it.?

The boy glanced down at the sword, afraid to touch it. He had seen first hand what weapons like this could do. If his father hadn?t been staring at him, he would have kicked it on the floor.

Without another word, Fredrick Chamberland turned away. He went back to his bedroom and hefted Sergio?s body over his shoulder. The body dripped a trail of blood along the floor as Fredrick left the house and disappeared into the night.

When he was gone, Skyler listened to Laura sob faintly behind the closed door of her bedroom. As reluctant as he was to touch a weapon after seeing his father kill two people with one, the six year old, lying back on his bed in the darkness, eventually took his father?s samurai sword in his hands. He turned the blade over and over in the dim moonlight until he finally fell asleep, clutching the blade to his chest.

Little Girl under the Eaves



I remember.

There was a terrible storm the night she came.

She had white skin, like me.

And when she came inside from the cold, pouring rain . . . she was smiling. I remember thinking that so odd. Rain-drenched hair. Soaked, muddy clothing. Shivering. And she was still smiling.

She was a tiny thing. Five foot two, tops. Short, blonde hair. As the months went on, I would get to know her body well. It was lined with supple, feminine muscles that I found endlessly fascinating. I remember marveling at the shape of her; the way her bicep sprang upward when she flexed it, the way the muscle cords on her thighs seemed to ripple when she extended her legs. I was so captivated by that ? the way her body epitomized femininity, yet still exuded sexy, voluptuous muscle tone.

Rain was splattering down loudly and the skies bellowed with thunder when there came a knock at our door. My mother, probably fast asleep, didn?t hear it. But I heard it. I sprang out of bed and ran to the window. The way our home was designed in a ?L? shape, I had a clear view of our front door from my bedroom.

On the doorstep stood a short figure in a bright yellow raincoat, streaked with mud. Locks of blonde hair stuck out of the hood, plastered to her face. She was hugging herself around the middle, trembling like a newborn puppy, pressing herself against the front door in an effort to remain beneath the eaves. Finally, in what seemed like slow motion, she turned her countenance to me.

I didn?t realize it then, but, from that moment on, when I pictured Erin in my mind, that was how I remembered her. As many different angles from which I would see her face in the time to come, that one image ? of her cringing beneath the eaves and slowly turning to look at me in the window ? would be the image that appeared when I thought of her. Erin ? the little girl under the eaves.

I fled from my bedroom and ran to the front door, carefully pulling it open to peer outside into the dark deluge. I never understood why my brain records memories so vividly, but every single nuance of that moment burned into my mind with bright, infinite clarity.

She had white skin, like me.

And when she came inside from the cold, pouring rain . . . she was smiling. Rain-drenched hair. Soaked, muddy clothing. Shivering. And she was still smiling.

As she drew her hood back from her face and shrugged out of her raincoat, water trickling down its length and pooling on the floor, I studied her with wide-eyed curiosity. She smelled like water and mud and lily pads. ?I fell in the mud,? she confessed with a giggle.

I grinned at the thought of that.

?Thank you for letting me come inside. I got caught in the storm.? Her voice was mousey and cute.

?Who are you,? I marveled.

?Erin. Who are you??

?Skyler.?

?Where did you come from,? I asked in a hushed tone. I wouldn?t have been surprised if she claimed to have fallen from the stars.

?I come from Kamono, a village to the south. You know of it, of course? My father sent me to the city this morning to trade our family?s grapes for coin. I could have made it back home tonight ? I make the trip once a week ? but the rain is so cold!?

I naturally believed every word she spoke. It wouldn?t be until years later that I would come to find out it was all a lie.

So,? she added, shyly, ?I saw your light on.?

?You can stay here tonight,? I happily declared. ?My mom?s asleep; she won?t even know. You can sleep in my room!? I went to the bathroom and brought a towel back to her.

?Thank you.? As Erin ran the towel through her short blonde locks and over her face and shoulders, she gazed openly at me, her brown eyes meeting my blue. ?How old are you??

?Fifteen,? I answered. ?How old are you??

?Seventeen.?

?You need some dry clothes,? I observed. ?I don?t have any girls? clothes, but you can wear some of mine.?

?Okay.?

We crept down the hall and disappeared into my bedroom. I hung her raincoat in my closet, then waited for her to remove the rest of her clothes.

Erin only watched me expectantly.

?What are you waiting for,? I wondered interrogatively.

?You?re looking at me,? she stammered, blushing.

?So?? I had no idea why she was reluctant.

?I can?t take off my clothes while you?re looking at me. I don?t even know you! Silly boy,? she teased.

?Oh! Right. Sorry!? So I spun around and immediately began grinning like a fool. What had I discovered here? That was something no one had said to me before. Usually females were eager to disrobe before me, as if doing so was their cosmic purpose in life. My curiosity flared anew. Listening to her undress and drop soggy clothing onto the floor, I instantly wanted to know more about this girl. In my dresser I found a clean pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. I backed toward her, grinning, thoroughly enticed by the mystery she had generated by not allowing me to watch her undress. I held the clean clothes out behind me without turning.

Erin snatched them away with a snicker. ?Thank you, Skyler. You?re a true gentleman.?

Finally I had in my lap what I didn?t even realize I so ardently wanted ? a challenge. This one didn?t seem to look at me the way most girls did. She smiled at me, yes; a constant, bright smile. But there was no lust or veiled desire in it. It didn?t even occur to me at the time that trying to seduce this girl was a futile endeavor. After all, that was all I understood how to do with the opposite sex ? seduce them. I had no sense of romance, and I didn?t consider them candidates for friendship.

?Okay, I?m decent now.?

I picked up her wet clothes and put them on hangers in my closet, so they would drip dry over night. Then I went to my bed and pulled back the blankets for her. ?Here you go.? Something interesting dawned on me. As many girls as I had been with, I?d never taken one back to my own bed. Many had asked and tried their best to sneak into it, but, until now, it had always been my own private haven.

?But, where will you sleep?? Erin looked reluctantly at the mattress.

?Right here on the floor.? I took and extra blanket and pillow from my chest and spread it out on the floor beside the bed.

?Are you sure??

?Of course,? I said.

?I think this bed will fit both of us,? she said.

?Nah. It?s only a twin bed.?

?Well, in case you haven?t noticed, we?re both pretty skinny.?

?Okay!? I exclaimed, jumping up and crawling under the blankets. I was willing to give her space, to try to be a ?gentleman,? even though I didn?t have a very good idea what one was. But I couldn?t resist the opportunity to get close to her.

?Skyler, I?m sure my sacred virginity will be safe if I?m sleeping in the same bed with you. Won?t it?? She peered down at me with playful suspicion.

I looked away from her, grinning and whistling innocently. I had no intention of coming on to her. In my experience, all I had to do was smile a certain way or use the appropriate body language, and the girls would find themselves drawn to me like magnets. It would usually start with playing with my hair, then turn steamier. Some were harder to seduce than others, though, and I found myself wondering just how much this one could withstand.

Erin joined me beneath the blankets. We lay on our sides, facing each other, a foot of space between us. Rain drops pattered on the roof and coursed down my bedroom window in lambent rivulets. Thunder rolled across the sky. We watched each other without speaking, hands at our sides until we fell asleep.

Truth We Learn in Pain and Sighs



"Truth we learn in pain and sighs..."
George William Russell



The last time Skyler saw his father was at age sixteen.

He hadn?t seen the man in over a year. The youth had moved out of his parents? home and was living with friends in an apartment, waiting tables and competing in sword-fighting contests for a living. Fredrick had somehow discovered his address and sent a letter with instructions on where to meet him. He?d given no reason for wanting to see his son.

Skyler and Erin went to meet him. They met at sunrise, in a foggy glade at the foot of Dreaming Peak, a tall, wooded hill outside the city. When the boy arrived, he asked Erin to wait at the tree line, requesting these moments with his father to be private. She complied graciously.

He sat on a rock and waited, steeling himself against his emotions, determined not to let them betray him. The morning was chilly. He hugged himself and shivered, glancing about for his father. Maybe now he?s finally ready to do stuff together. Maybe now we can begin anew. Perhaps I can ask all those questions I?ve had for so long. Perhaps we can go fishing and I can show him how I can bait my own hook, Skyler allowed himself to think, knowing he was wrong.

Fredrick soon emerged from the fog in silence and stopped ten paces from his son. They gazed at each other through the mist for a long time. The elder Chamberland looked positively ancient to Skyler. His father was in his mid-fifties, but he looked at least eighty that morning. There was a sunken in look about his face, with deep crevice-like wrinkles around his eyes. This man had seen stress, and a lot of it.

The Shogun?s headsman wasted no small talk. ?You were a mistake. An accident. I stopped loving your mother even before you were conceived. I never loved her at all. Not really.? Fredrick?s words issued out with venomous cruelty, to the accompaniment of early morning birdsong. Vile and candid, they knifed across the glade and rented Skyler?s heart.

?Why not?? The boy?s throat constricted and his mouth tightened. Tears threatened to flood his eyes.

?She was just a pretty face. She had no depth, no devotion.? Fredrick seemed to be enjoying this. He seemed to sense that Skyler was about to cry. He seemed to want that, just so he could laugh at his son?s weakness. ?There was a demon inside of her.?

?You knew she was having more affairs?? Skyler watched him numbly.

?I have known for fifteen years.? Smug satisfaction.

?Why didn?t you intervene?? The question was weakly asked, as if posed from far off in the cosmos.

?By the laws of our land, she would have been executed. If that had happened, I would have had to take care of you.? He sneered the pronoun with distaste.

?And what would have been so bad about that,? asked Skyler, tears filling his eyes despite all his effort deny them.

?You look exactly like her. No son of mine would look so unlike me. No son of mine would look ... so much like a woman.? Fredrick?s words were raw with spite.

?I hate you,? Skyler whimpered.

?No, you don?t. You wish you did.? One dagger after another, piercing him with relentless, terrible truths. Skyler loved his father, even now, even amidst the insults. He was the only father he had.

Inconceivably, with unfettered hatred, Fredrick continued. ?You will never be a man. No one has taught you how. You will never know how to love a woman or a child of your own. No one has taught you how. You are doomed to a life of shallow misery ? just like mine.?

?You?re wrong, dad. I have love in me.? Quickly Skyler thought of Erin, thought of how he felt about her, trying to dwell on that emotion. Suddenly he longed for her, prayed she wound sense his frailty and rescue him.

?I?m sorry for bringing you into this world. I?m sorry for giving you life. I sincerely regret it.? Raw malice rolled off the old man?s tongue.

?Why?? Skyler howled at him with frustration and sadness. ?I?m your only son!?

?Wrong. I have a new family now. With children like me ? strong, true ? and a wife I don?t mind coming home to.? There was a small smile on Fredrick?s face. The man had been waiting to deliver that line. With that, Fredrick turned his back on his son and strode away into the fog. The two would never see each other again.

When his father was out of sight, Skyler collapsed from the rock, sank down to his knees in the foggy glade, hung his head and sobbed. His shoulders quaked, his nose sniffled, he whimpered. His electric blue eyes ran with what seemed to be a bottomless ocean of tears, streaming down his face is salty rivulets, dripping into his mouth and down his chin. He simply wasn?t capable of believing that Fredrick?s lack of love for him was the man?s own shortcoming, and not Skyler?s. The boy thought it was his fault, that for some unknown reason he was utterly unlovable. After all, if your own father couldn?t love you, who could? Not even Erin loved him. After he had spilled his heart to her, she had shunned it.

Skyler was soon aware of Erin?s presence. She hunkered on her knees beside him in the grass, her slender arm draped over his shoulders, leaning her head against his arm. She whispered to him. ?I?m so sorry, Skyler.?

?He never did love me,? he lamented from a hole of infinite sadness. ?No one ever has. No one ever will.?

?I do, Skyler,? she murmured.

Suddenly he was angry. ?No you don?t!? He stood up abruptly and twisted away from her, glaring at the girl. ?I don?t believe you!?

?You mustn?t blame yourself,? she reassured him. ?His inability to love you wasn?t your fault ? it was his!?

?I don?t believe you.? Skyler furiously wiped his eyes. Although he wasn?t angry at Erin, it was so easy to take it out on her. ?My mother never did, my father never did, and you don?t either!? He didn?t truly believe that last part, yet he couldn?t refrain from shouting it at her.

?Skyler . . .?

?Leave me alone.? His voice turned soft, distant, haunted. Slowly his hand crept to his side where his father?s samurai sword was sheathed. His slender fingers coiled around the hilt.

?Skyler!? Erin got to her feet and shouted at him.

The boy turned his eyes back to Erin and stared her down with cold fury. ?Go away,? he hissed. ?I don?t want to know you anymore.?

?I won?t.?

?You will.? His voice broke. More tears blurred his vision. Then he absolutely screeched at Erin, lunging at her. ?GO AWAY!?

She studied him forlornly for a moment, then turned away from him. With that last glimpse he caught of her face before it spun from view, it looked as if she herself would cry. Good. Good, he thought. Now you know how I feel!

Skyler watched her walk away. After she was out of sight, he sank down to the earth and let his sorrow consume him. As his tears dripped into the cool green grass, his face twisted into an expression of ultimate misery. The pains and sighs of a broken heart croaked out of him and drifted desolately through the foggy glade.

He wasn?t able to gauge the amount of time he lay there. Minutes? Hours? When he finally looked up, Erin was nowhere to be seen. He would have to find her and apologize. She was, after all, the only person alive who cared about him, even if he didn?t believe that she loved him.

As he got to his feet, Skyler heard a faint rumbling sound in the distance. He perked his ears and listened fiercely, trying to discern it.

Thunder? No . . . horses.

Hundreds of them.

Moments later he heard a noise he hadn?t heard in many years ? the massive gong bell atop the city?s northern watchtower. It was only rung to announce emergencies to the citizens. The few times Skyler had heard it was when a storm was pending. Yet today there was no storm. The skies were clear and blue.

Even with his mind in its current confused and broken state, he was able to understand what was happening. The city was under attack. From the volume of the sound of the approaching horses, the aggressors possibly numbered enough to break through the city?s defenses. Whether or not they would succeed would entirely depend on how much of the army was deployed elsewhere.

How could that many horsemen get this close to the city without warning? Why hadn?t the patrols and scouts reported that a hostile army was on the march? It should have been impossible for an army of that size to get this close to the city without warning.

None of it mattered. Skyler dropped into a full sprint, running toward the city as fast as he could.

Erin.

I Believe in Faeries


Clinging to his back as they galloped up the mountain, Erin told him where to ride. ?We must get to the summit, Skyler. Time is short. Ride fast.?

?Why?? he shouted. ?We should just keep riding south, as far away from the city as possible.?

?No, that is not what we are meant to do. The Nexus is waiting at the peak of the mountain, I can sense it calling to us now.?

?What?s the Nexus??

Erin didn?t answer him, yet he dutifully rode the horse up the winding mountain path. As they went higher, the wind grew more intense.

Some time later they emerged onto the summit of the mountain, and Skyler?s eyes went wide when he saw what shimmered there in the clearing. It was a giant orb of bluish light, glowing and pulsing and crackling.

?That?s the Nexus, Skyler,? Erin said to him as she slid off the horse?s back. ?You have to walk into it. It will take you far away from here, to some place safe.?

?How?? he wondered, dismounting the horse and moving toward the glowing blue orb.

?It?s magic. It?s a portal. It will transport your body to an entirely different place.? She followed him in stride, eyeing the Nexus warily.

Skyler wasn?t at all intimidated by such a prospect. He felt the Nexus beckoning him, urging him to step into its grasp. He wanted very much to let it take him away. ?Well, what are we waiting for? Let?s go.?

Erin stopped, drawing up to look at him. ?I can?t come,? she sighed.

?Why? Why can?t you come with me!? Skyler trembled with frustration, the Nexus flickering behind his back. ?All you have to do is step through with me. We can leave this place behind. Why won?t you come?? His hands were balled into fists at his side. ?And how did you know what this is? How did you know it would be here? Who are you? Who are you really??

Erin sighed resolutely and came toward him. The wind was absolutely howling now, gale force gusts cascading over the mountaintop. Their hair streamed to the side, lashing their faces as they looked at one another. ?Skyler,? she called to him over the wind. ?I?m not who you think I am.?

?I know that! Are you finally ready to tell me?? He had been suspicious of this all along. Now, he was actually about to find out.

Her answer was to extend her hand, palm facing out. ?Take my hand.?

Skyler reached out tentatively, twining his fingers and pressing his palm into hers. He felt a sharp spark when their hands touched. Then, suddenly, his eyes were seeing images and his ears were hearing sounds that seemed to be coming from somewhere else. Amidst it all, he was inundated with insights that were, he knew for a fact, absolute truths.

***

Golden light beamed through the clouds, down into a forest glen. A mother faerie lay there among the ferns and fruits, singing softly. All around her, her little ones? heads popped up; some laughing, some crying. Then, at the mother?s feet, one final little head popped up, followed by a pair of lilac wings. Unlike the other fairies, who had pastel colored skin, this one was white. She was a special little girl with short blonde hair whose name was Erin.

The mother faerie bent down to kiss Erin lovingly. The other faeries looked at her in wonder. No one knew the reason why, but this little faerie had a very special power. Wherever she went, Erin had the gift of teaching all living things how to be happy.

The image changed. It showed Erin playing. She fell down, played with little bugs, flew around, struck poses, slept, cried, laughed, ran. At one point she even looked at herself in the mirror. At last she appeared to walk away with a little blue ribbon tied in her hair.

The imaged changed again. This time, Erin?s powers were displayed. There was a picture of a war raging. Erin ran around the soldiers, her wings fluttering, and by the time she was gone all of the men were hugging one another and smiling. There was another picture of an angry man, a sobbing woman and a sad looking gentleman. Erin appeared on the scene, flew around happily, and when she was gone all the people looked overjoyed.

One last image appeared. Erin swung on a swing set in the middle of a sunlit forest outside of a great white building. She was surrounded by both animals and humans who just stood there and watched her swing gleefully.

But as hard as it was to believe, there were some who didn?t like Erin and her powers ? the gods. They didn?t like the way that, where ever Erin went, people started laughing like complete idiots. They believed happiness should only be the reward of a lifetime of hard work. They agreed that she must be stopped, because people were losing their respect for the gods. Some of the gods wanted to kill Erin, but others insisted that the gods were supposed to be merciful. So they came to a compromise. They called for the West Wind, and the figure a beautiful woman made of clouds and white blue light appeared before them, gentle music playing in her wake. They ordered the West Wind to find the faerie girl Erin, carry her far away and cast her onto the Hill of Oblivion.

The image flickered back to the forest glen, where the mother faerie was sitting with her children. Suddenly the mother and her children were frozen as still as statues. The West Wind appeared and picked up little Erin, who was sound asleep. ?Poor little one. I must steal you from your mother and take you to a place where you'll be forgotten forever.? Cradling Erin close, the West Wind took her up into the air, her trail glittering against the night sky.

The night sky was littered with storm clouds. The West Wind, glowing brighter than ever before, was still traveling, and Erin was still tucked in her arms asleep. ?No, I cannot do it. No matter what the gods say, I simply cannot abandon you to the Hill of Oblivion.? She looked determinedly up ahead. They were approaching a stormy forest with a creek running through it. ?Here in this land of mist, this place at the edge of the earth, far from the sight of the gods. I'll leave you here.?

The West Wind deposited her on the bank of a creek in the forest. Erin awoke, trembling. She looked up at the Wind with frightened eyes. ?Why have you taken me here??

?Poor innocent creature. The gods are angry with you. As the West Wind, they have ordered me to abandon you on the Hill of Oblivion, but I cannot do it. Instead, I will leave you here. And pray that the Gods don't find you.?

?Why are they angry with me??

?I can?t tell you now. You?wouldn?t understand.?

?Why here?? asked Erin.

?There is where you are needed, Erin. You must now use your magic to conceal your wings at all times, so the gods will not be able to find you.?

In a burst of blue dust, her wings vanished from her back. She began to cry. ?Why am I needed here? I?m afraid.?

?There is a boy living in the city who needs you.?

?How can I help him??

?He doesn?t understand how to love. He doesn?t know how to use his heart. You must show him how.?

?A boy that doesn?t know how to use his heart? That?s so sad.? Erin began to cry louder.

?Whatever happens, don?t fall in love with him. Your time together will be temporary. If the gods discover where I?ve hidden you, they will come for you.?

With one last look at the little faerie girl, the West Wind faded away. Her voice swirled in the wind. ?Farewell, Erin.?

***

Skyler lowered his hand. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. Whether it was from the lashing wind or something else, only he knew.

Erin melted against him, her skinny arms clinging around his neck. ?Skyler, I wasn?t able to heed the West Wing?s warning.? She muttered against his chest, barely audible over the swirling wind. ?I have fallen in love with you.?

He hugged her back, a dreamlike numbness settling over him. It was hard to move.

?In these last few seconds we have together, there?s something I have to give you.? She looked up into his blue eyes and searched them for a long moment. Then she raised up to her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his. In the fierce, bellowing wind they clung to one another and engaged in a fervent soul kiss.

Where the boy?s arms were circled around the faerie, he felt a peculiar movement on her back. He opened his eyes to see lilac wings rise over her shoulders. Bitter tears continued to course down his cheeks. ?Stay with me,? he pleaded. ?I know how to love now. And I love you.?

?I can?t, Skyler. The West Wind is coming for me now. There are other people in the world I have to help.? Still she clung tightly to him, unable to let go. The wind fluttered through her wings, flapping them wildly. Erin broke into heart-wrenching sobs. ?The Nexus is about to take you many places, but at the place where it will finally leave you, you will find another whom you will love. I can see that very clearly. She is a very special creature, and will capture your heart summarily.?

She barely got that last out before the wind grew so strong that her body was torn away from him. Erin was drawn into the sky by a whitish blue cloud, shaped in the figure of a beautiful woman. Both the West Wind and the sobbing faerie girl Erin hovered there in the sky above the mountaintop, gazing down at Skyler for a breathtaking moment. Then they simply gusted away, into the golden sky.

The sixteen year old Skyler Jackson Chamberland fell to his knees on the mountaintop and wept for several long, sacred moments. The wind did not relent. It swept through his long pretty shiny black hair and streamed it out beside him, like a windsock. Behind him, the Nexus hissed and crackled, bluish tendrils of magic creeping out and slinking along the ground toward Skyler. They encircled and caressed his legs, urging him into its magical embrace.

After one last glance into the sky, the boy turned and wandered into the blue depths of the Nexus. It immediately flickered out, and the mountaintop was empty.