Topic: What kind of idiot carries a gun and a sword?

Skyler

Date: 2006-05-20 14:48 EST
Skyler veered off the dusty road and stepped onto the porch of the saloon. With him as usual were his weapons; a revolver holstered on his left hip, his samurai sword called ?Wang? sheathed on his right.

Slowly he pushed open the batwing doors, his long black hair and white silk shirt sparkling in the sunlight that shone down upon his back. He froze at the sight of a room full of men, who all seemed to notice him at once. Their lively chatter cut off abruptly. Chairs and stools screeched on the floorboards as their occupiers turned to look at the new entry.

?What kind of idiot carries a gun and a sword?? one man shouted rudely at him.

?Are you a girl or a boy?? heckled another.

Laughter erupted from the people scattered about the tables. They were folks with an agenda similar to his own ? they seemed to have nothing better to do with their afternoon than to sit around and get sloshed.

The disrespect they had so openly directed toward him was due to only one thing ? Skyler looked different. The men here were grizzled fossils; dirty, ragged, scruffy-bearded cowboys and miners and farmers. Our subject, a boy of eighteen, was clean and well-groomed. The dust that floated about didn?t seem to cling to him. Nor did he appear to sweat, although the temperature was high. He was also oddly lean, as though he hadn?t seen a decent meal in a while. Another oddity about Skyler ? while he was obviously a human of the male persuasion ? he had a tone of femininity about him. Smooth, tanned, imperfection-less skin, a perfectly oval shaped face, and such long shiny black hair.

After the men had completed their condescending ganders, conversation began to resume, and the boy made his way to the bar, moving warily.

?What?ll it be?? the bartender brayed sardonically. ?I ain?t got no breast milk. You?ll have to scamper back to your mama for that. Want some apple juice??

?Whiskey,? replied the boy.

The man snorted and filled him a glass, as though he thought Skyler wouldn?t make it beyond the first sip. When the boy emptied the glass with a series of consecutive swallows and asked for another, the tender reluctantly filled it and pointed to a small table in the corner. ?You sit over there.?

Skyler turned his head in that direction. There was a short table in the corner, where sat three strange-looking characters. ?Why can?t I sit at the bar??

That was when all the men within earshot who were currently sitting at the bar turned to glare at him coldly. ?That table over there is where the freaks sit,? replied the tender. ?You?re a freak. I don?t want you mucking up my bar.?

He was uncomfortably aware of approximately eight men, including the tender, still giving him the ?evil eye.? Offering no argument, he set a couple of coppers on the counter, took his whiskey and went to the corner table. ?Keep the refills comin?,? he muttered. The bartender sneered at him.

When Skyler reached the table where he was to sit, he gave the last remaining chair an uneasy look. The table and chairs were so short it was almost like sitting on the ground. The table was approximately two feet off the floor, the chairs but one. It seemed the proprietors enjoyed making a spectacle out of their ?freak? patrons, forcing them to sit at a table that invited ridicule.

The room had grown quiet once more. Another glance at the patrons seated on the main floor revealed that everyone was again watching him with great interest. Finally, as he sat down, one of the patrons muttered an unintelligible comment, and a roar of laughter rose up from the crowd. The boy ignored it. He glanced cautiously from face to face to face of the three folks sharing his table.

It was obvious the three occupants didn?t have a full set of wits between them. Dumbly, their mouths agape, they gawked at him as openly as the others. Skyler didn?t need an introduction in order to apply them with labels. Their roles in life were obvious.

To his left sat a woman who was obviously a whore, except she was the sort whose services a man only enlisted if he was extremely desperate. She had only one eye and only one hand, and half of her face was covered with scar tissue from third degree burns.

Directly across from him sat a retarded man, his dull, bug eyes staring vacantly at his toys on the table. A dead mouse was incarnated by the man?s left hand, while his right animated a cat?s jawbone. He used the jawbone to relentlessly chase the mouse from one side of the table to the other.

To his right was a man who was probably the saloon?s janitor. His hands were red and dry and chapped, most likely from constant contact with soap suds. The two teeth that remained to him were on the verge of rotting out. His face held a permanent, hideous, drooling grin.

?You da purtiest gal I eva seen!? squealed the janitor in delight, squinting at Skyler.

The boy fought off a grin. ?Thanks,? he answered, taking small sips of his whiskey.




To be continued . . .

Skyler

Date: 2006-07-12 09:12 EST
Still, he couldn?t help but feel a little degraded for having such company forced upon him. It didn?t take his mood long to darken. ?Aren?t you a bunch of stereotypes,? the boy muttered. His companions only gaped at him, confusion and wonder evident in their eyes. ?A retard, a ?dumb janitor? ? never thought I?d see people like you in a place like this.? He glanced at the disfigured woman. ?Who are you? Let me guess . . . the ?whore with the heart of gold? How many clich?s am I going to encounter today???

Still, Skyler felt a wave of sympathy for the trio. Banished to this ludicrously small table, they were unaware of their role as the laughing stock of the saloon. Making a gesture of unfathomable good will for such a mean-spirited lad, Skyler slid his whiskey glass across the table to the janitor and offered him a sip. The old custodian stared at the glass for a few moments as if he suspected it might somehow explode. The boy didn?t know whether to laugh or take offense. Finally the bent old man lifted the whiskey, drained its contents into his nearly toothless mouth, swished it around, then spat it all back into the glass.

?Sick!? Skyler accused, glaring at him. His dumb eyes found the boy?s, unaware of any wrongdoing. Just when Skyler was about to demand another drink, he heard footsteps approaching from behind.

?You must not have heard me the first time,? spoke a gravely voice from over his shoulder.

Skyler saw the eyes of his three companions shoot to the source of the voice, grow wide, and slowly rise higher and higher, as though they were looking to the top of a tall building. The boy ignored the comment and kept his eyes focused forward, in hopes that a humble, meager attitude would help him avoid trouble.

?I asked you,? continued the hateful voice, closer to his ear, ?what kind of idiot carries a gun and a sword?? Then there came a sharp, glancing blow on the back of his head that sent his long, pretty black hair into disarray.

He struck me, the boy realized, incredulously, so shocked by the blow that he simply sat there in bewilderment. An intelligent verbal retort came to him at once. As hard as he struggled to keep it to himself, it came out nonetheless. ?Big, stinky, hairy thugs like you usually offer a few more taunts before you start throwing punches.?

?What was that?? The man leaned down close to Skyler?s ear and shouted. ?I didn?t quite catch it! Come again?? The guy was roaring drunk ? his breath could have wilted an oak tree.

Skyler rose slowly, taking the combination whiskey and janitor spit in his hand. He looked across the crowded room, which had grown silent as everyone turned to watch the scene. Finally he turned his humble, yet unafraid gaze on the man who was trying to pick a fight. The ruffian?s beard was moist with saliva and beer, and the skin on his cheeks was slick with sweat. He had an ugly square face with a round, bulging forehead.

?The smart kind,? replied the boy, cheerfully.

?What?? Spat the man.

?You asked ?what kind of idiot carries a gun and a sword?? And I replied ? the smart kind.?

The ruffian gawked at him as if the boy were speaking Yiddish, his stupid mouth forming a perfect ?O? shape. Perhaps the man hadn?t expected a logical reply. ?How?s that,? the oaf managed to ask. The boorishness was gone from his voice, replaced by confusion, if only for a moment.

?Well,? Skyler replied, ?if my gun jams up, I can still slice your throat with my sword.? His tone sounded quite amicable, as though he was commenting on whether he thought it might rain on Sunday.

There was a ridiculous, amusing silence as the man and the boy stared at each other. The former held a look of blind shock; the later had a crafty little ?no-expression.? The many pairs of eyes watching them shot back and forth from face to face, unsure of what drama to expect next.

Finally, after what seemed like an hour of awkward silence, the man began to chuckle. It was light at first, then it grew louder, and before long it became a full-fledged guffaw. The crowd behind him quickly joined in, and peels of deafening drunken laughter filled the saloon.

Skyler hoped he had just made himself an effective escape opportunity. Therefore, while the man before him rolled his head back and held his belly, the boy modestly tried to sit. Unfortunately, the man saw what he was about and seized his arm before he could descend.

The laughter from the room began to taper off as the man affronting Skyler resumed the conversation. ?You know, boy ? you look like a woman. In fact, you?re prettier than most of the women I?ve seen. Do you know what me and my men do to a pretty woman when we come across one??

?Watch her go and enjoy the view?? the boy suggested.

?Nope,? said the man, proudly. ?We bugger her, one by one, until she don?t know which way is up.?

?What a lucky girl,? Skyler mused.

All humor departed the ruffian?s expression. His face turned redder by the moment, and his slobbery slips drew back from his teeth. ?I?ve had enough of your mouth, little boy.?

?Me too,? he replied. ?Why don?t I close it and return to my drink?? Regrettably, the kid was fully aware that this matter would not come to a peaceful resolution.

?Too late,? croaked the man, his hideous breath cascading into the boy?s face and causing his eyes to water. His hairy hands clenched into fists, and a vein emerged on his forehead, throbbing diligently.

Skyler passed the whiskey glass with the contaminated liquid to his left hand, while his right hand crept down to his hip, the slender fingers coiling around the hilt of his samurai sword. He was vaguely aware of the effects of adrenaline pumping into his bloodstream: his throat constricted, and his limbs became rigid with tension, as if some mysterious power was feeding them strength. ?By the way, would you like to know the name of my sword, before it penetrates you??

To be continued . . .

Skyler

Date: 2006-07-12 09:17 EST
?This is my Wang,? Skyler informed him.

An iniquitous, metallic rasp cut the silence as Skyler drew the naked length of his Wang from its sheath and plunged it into the man?s shoulder in one fluid motion. Then, out of spite, the boy tossed the contents of the whiskey glass into his face. The mix of whiskey and janitor saliva soaked his beard and bushy eyebrows. The ruffian?s body froze, except for his rapidly blinking eyes. An audible, unanimous gasp sounded from the saloon?s patrons.

?Oh, you bastard! Oh, you bastard! You stabbed Orville!? A scruffy lumberjack dressed in faded overalls came at Skyler with huge, grotesque strides, just as Orville finally toppled over.

There was a flash of steel, and then the tip of Skyler?s Wang was protruding from the back of the lumberjack?s thigh, expertly thrust by the warlord's skilled right hand. For one sacrosanct moment in time, every soul in the saloon was frozen in dumbstruck awe as incandescent rays of noonday sunlight filtered through the grimy windows of the saloon, elucidated inbred faces, bathed spit-stained wooden floors, revealed elaborate patterns of bullet holes in the walls, and kissed the exposed length of Skyler?s hard and dangerous and beautiful Wang where it stood boldly embedded in the fat quadriceps of some foolish lumberjack. The samurai sword shimmered in the shafts of light like a holy relic.

It was not a mortal strike. However, like the previous blow delivered to Orville, it was severe enough to immobilize the fellow for quite a while. Skyler put his foot on the man?s stomach and pushed him back. The woodcutter moaned in pain as Wang slipped out of him.

Three tables of men lurched to their feet and glared at the boy. Skyler faced them all, still brandishing the long, exposed steel of his Wang. The two disarmed men lay writhing on the floor at his feet. Don?t show them your fear, Skyler thought, passing his gaze across the crowd of at least two dozen angry drunks. There?s so many of them. They could overcome you with ease, so you can?t let them know it! Power is in perception. Power is in perception . . ..

The boy saw motion in the corner of his gaze. One man with a pistol was reaching down to draw it. Skyler?s left hand dropped to his hip, drew his revolver, took aim, and blew the man?s cowboy hat off his head before the fellow could do so much as clear his holster with his own weapon. The man?s stupid eyes bulged in resentful disbelief, both of his hands zooming to the top of his head to make sure it was still intact. Twirling his revolver confidently, Skyler holstered the weapon, took his Wang in a two handed grip and assumed a fighting stance.

He must not have been intimidating enough. They came at him, all at once. His Wang was held straight out in front of him, erect, powerful, lethal.

Behind him, the occupants of the reject table stirred.

To be continued . . .