All the days that ended well into tomorrow
All the times I couldn?t lay it on the line
This old conscience that I could never follow
I hate to say it but I wish it wasn?t mine
PJ lay quietly on her bed, hearing only the sounds of the brewery at work. Reap had gone out, as she knew he would. He wouldn?t hide from Gage. He wouldn?t go looking for Gage, but he wouldn?t hide from him either. PJ wasn?t exactly as scared as she should be, but at that moment, she was feeling pretty beat up. Shot, knocked cold, stitched up. As much pain as Gage inflicted though, it wasn?t the root of her emotional garden right that moment.
All the broken hearts that didn?t see it comin?
All the tears that should have never hit the floor
All the lookin? back but mainly all the runnin?
All these reasons I?m standing at your door
Enough was already too much. She got up and took a long hot shower, letting the steam and the heat soothe aching muscles and get her blood moving at a human rate again. Her shoulder wound throbbed and hurt, but she took it as a reminder that she was alive and able to feel. Something she wouldn?t have been for long with Gage.
Dressed and made up, she left the brewery well armed. It was early enough in the afternoon that she needn?t worry about Gage, but she wasn?t going to take chances. She didn?t stray from her path; she headed right to the cabin on the lake Reap was building. Given the decent weather, she could guess it was where he?d be, working on it.
She?d had the same thoughts over and over for years. Sometimes admitting them to herself, sometimes denying them. She?d told Reap, of course, but he knew her so well, he had to know she held back something all the time. There was always that one little piece of herself that she?d never put on the line.
I think I?ve had enough
This time I?m givin? in
Without you it?s too rough
So I?m standing here again
I finally realize
It?s love that never dies
And I?m really not that tough
No I?m really not that tough
I think I?ve had enough
She?d loved him from day one. They had played it off as a game. They had toyed around with it, they had joked and laughed, and they had both tried ignoring it when it seemed like too much. But today, it no longer mattered to PJ if he felt the same way or not. What was true, what was real was what mattered.
Life is gonna be a circus
Rain or shine
Rides did always make me nervous
So if I?m gonna ride the roller-coaster, I?ll need your hand in mine
She looked up at the roof of his cabin when she had quietly arrived. There he was - shirt off, hat on, working hard on the roof. She smiled to herself, willing to bet hard earned money on the fact that he was wanting an ale and hating the heat up there.
?Hey Baby?? She called up to him with a smile on her lips and a flutter in her belly. This was usually where she?d make something up and chicken out. The urge was definitely there, but she pushed it back down.
?No, stay there. What I have to say might be easier if you?re not right next to me.? While Reap resettled on the roof, giving her a questioning look, she fidgeted about, trying to make herself look less nervous than she was. She crossed her arms, then uncrossed them. She stuffed her hands in her front pockets, then moved them to her back pockets. Finally, she just jutted her hip to the side, kept her shaking hands in her pockets and looked up at him.
She watched his face as she spoke, knowing it often said things he didn?t. She would have liked to have been closer to watch his blue-grey eyes, but this was ?safer?. She took a deep breath and spoke, strong and clear to be sure he heard.
?I?ve think I?ve had enough, This time I?m giving in, Without you it?s too rough, So I?m crawling back again. I?ve finally realized it?s this love that never dies. And I?m really not that tough, No I?m really not that tough. I think I?ve had enough.?
Once it started rolling off her tongue, it became easier. It was as if holding it back for so long had built up pressure and the relief valve was finally blowing it all open. Facing an honest threat of death had made her realize she didn?t want to die without this.
?No more games, no more pretending, no more hemming and hawing. I love you, Reap. I?ve loved you for years. I?m not scared of it anymore. I?m not afraid you won?t love me the same way. I hope you do, but it?s okay if you don?t, too. ?
Once it was all out, she let her arms go out to her sides and she settled herself down to lay back in the grass. She looked up at the sky and its soft, fluffy clouds. She felt a little dazed, a little drunk and a lot lighter.
?That?s all I had to say, go back to your roofing, love.?
(Think I've Had Enough by Gary Allan)
All the times I couldn?t lay it on the line
This old conscience that I could never follow
I hate to say it but I wish it wasn?t mine
PJ lay quietly on her bed, hearing only the sounds of the brewery at work. Reap had gone out, as she knew he would. He wouldn?t hide from Gage. He wouldn?t go looking for Gage, but he wouldn?t hide from him either. PJ wasn?t exactly as scared as she should be, but at that moment, she was feeling pretty beat up. Shot, knocked cold, stitched up. As much pain as Gage inflicted though, it wasn?t the root of her emotional garden right that moment.
All the broken hearts that didn?t see it comin?
All the tears that should have never hit the floor
All the lookin? back but mainly all the runnin?
All these reasons I?m standing at your door
Enough was already too much. She got up and took a long hot shower, letting the steam and the heat soothe aching muscles and get her blood moving at a human rate again. Her shoulder wound throbbed and hurt, but she took it as a reminder that she was alive and able to feel. Something she wouldn?t have been for long with Gage.
Dressed and made up, she left the brewery well armed. It was early enough in the afternoon that she needn?t worry about Gage, but she wasn?t going to take chances. She didn?t stray from her path; she headed right to the cabin on the lake Reap was building. Given the decent weather, she could guess it was where he?d be, working on it.
She?d had the same thoughts over and over for years. Sometimes admitting them to herself, sometimes denying them. She?d told Reap, of course, but he knew her so well, he had to know she held back something all the time. There was always that one little piece of herself that she?d never put on the line.
I think I?ve had enough
This time I?m givin? in
Without you it?s too rough
So I?m standing here again
I finally realize
It?s love that never dies
And I?m really not that tough
No I?m really not that tough
I think I?ve had enough
She?d loved him from day one. They had played it off as a game. They had toyed around with it, they had joked and laughed, and they had both tried ignoring it when it seemed like too much. But today, it no longer mattered to PJ if he felt the same way or not. What was true, what was real was what mattered.
Life is gonna be a circus
Rain or shine
Rides did always make me nervous
So if I?m gonna ride the roller-coaster, I?ll need your hand in mine
She looked up at the roof of his cabin when she had quietly arrived. There he was - shirt off, hat on, working hard on the roof. She smiled to herself, willing to bet hard earned money on the fact that he was wanting an ale and hating the heat up there.
?Hey Baby?? She called up to him with a smile on her lips and a flutter in her belly. This was usually where she?d make something up and chicken out. The urge was definitely there, but she pushed it back down.
?No, stay there. What I have to say might be easier if you?re not right next to me.? While Reap resettled on the roof, giving her a questioning look, she fidgeted about, trying to make herself look less nervous than she was. She crossed her arms, then uncrossed them. She stuffed her hands in her front pockets, then moved them to her back pockets. Finally, she just jutted her hip to the side, kept her shaking hands in her pockets and looked up at him.
She watched his face as she spoke, knowing it often said things he didn?t. She would have liked to have been closer to watch his blue-grey eyes, but this was ?safer?. She took a deep breath and spoke, strong and clear to be sure he heard.
?I?ve think I?ve had enough, This time I?m giving in, Without you it?s too rough, So I?m crawling back again. I?ve finally realized it?s this love that never dies. And I?m really not that tough, No I?m really not that tough. I think I?ve had enough.?
Once it started rolling off her tongue, it became easier. It was as if holding it back for so long had built up pressure and the relief valve was finally blowing it all open. Facing an honest threat of death had made her realize she didn?t want to die without this.
?No more games, no more pretending, no more hemming and hawing. I love you, Reap. I?ve loved you for years. I?m not scared of it anymore. I?m not afraid you won?t love me the same way. I hope you do, but it?s okay if you don?t, too. ?
Once it was all out, she let her arms go out to her sides and she settled herself down to lay back in the grass. She looked up at the sky and its soft, fluffy clouds. She felt a little dazed, a little drunk and a lot lighter.
?That?s all I had to say, go back to your roofing, love.?
(Think I've Had Enough by Gary Allan)