~~Night Time is the (not) Right Time~~
~El Jardin Rehabilitation Center~
Nights at El Jardin were the worst. It was entirely too quiet out in the country for the Rhydin born and raised, street brawling, drinkin?, druggin? city girl. It left her mind far too much room to wander. And wander it did; towards the future and worse, back to the past.
This night found her recalling her conversation with Gavin prior to her departure?
PJ held Gavin's gaze as long as she could. Yet, before she could speak again, she had to drop her eyes. The kids playing on the floor was at least a good excuse. ? What do I have to do, Gavin? Beg? Beg you to do one little favor for the sake of them?? She asked quietly.
Gavin's eyes fell with hers before rising again. He pointed toward the bedroom door and stepped around the two children to lead the way there. Of course she would get the wrong idea, he knew her well enough. Then again, Gavin always liked to see what people were willing to do when prompted without knowing the full details
She hesitated, getting the wrong idea. Then in a quick rethink, she didn't believe he would go so far with the kids in the next room. She inhaled deeply and let it out slowly to calm her nerves. Sheesh, she wasn't in rehab yet and already she was jonesing for a drink. Then again, Gavin had that effect on her. She stood up off the couch and followed him to the bedroom, she closed the door behind her, all but an inch so she'd still hear Liam and Laci, and be able to peek at them.
?Of all people, you are the last one with any right to even attempt to get what you want by hiding behind them.? His tone was actually kind of heated, along with a point over her shoulder to the door. ?What changed this time? What's so different now that all of this is for the right thing, as opposed to all the many other chances before this??
PJ looked at him and tried to think of something he'd buy, some reason that would make a difference. In the end, she just shrugged in defeat, dark eyes focused on the carpet. Even his angered tone didn't bring up PJ's ire like it usually did. She answered him quietly.
?I dunno. I dunno what's changed or why. I just know... it has.?
?I want them full time until further notice. If you're doing what you say you're doing, fine. I think you would understand if I want to make sure you actually stick with it for a while afterward, though. Before anything changes.? His eyes were narrowed, his voice terse,
?Look at me, if you're taking this seriously.?
She looked up at him on command, with just a quick flick of her eyes to the gap in the door.
?You'll have them full time while I'm.... there.?
Rehab still wasn't her favorite word. She was slightly confused though. Of course he'd have them full time, she was going to be gone. It seemed like sort of a "Duh" kind of thing to her.
?When I get back, then we'll go back to joint custody, like it is now.?
?No, when you get back, it will stay full time until you've shown me this is not just a temporary fix that goes back to relapse.? His arms were folded over his chest as he looked down at her. ?
?I'm taking them to Talsiny until you are finished. After that, I'll decide if I bring them back here, and then after that we talk about sharing.?
?Whoa, whoa... wait a minute. So, if I don't go to rehab, nothing changes. Joint custody and all that like it is. But if I go, you're... You're taking the kids away?? He could have just stabbed her straight in the heart, it would have been easier to deal with. ?
?If I go to try and be totally clean... You're going to punish me.?
?If you don't go, I will go to the courts. How is that?? After letting that drop, he took a look through the crack of the door. Liam was busy watching a video and Laci looked asleep. ?I bet you get phone calls at all hours of the night, don't you? All of your friends who don't realize that you have bigger responsibilities because of the way you act when you don't have those responsibilities right in front of you.?
Courts and authority, she thought. Damn, he knew how to hit her. Better an informal agreement than a formal one, she supposed. She sighed and pushed her fingers up into her hair, giving her own head a slight squeeze to stave off tears she could feel behind her eyes.
?No, I don't.? Not that he'd believe her. She rarely went out anymore, even when she didn't have the kids. ?Fine... take 'em to Talsiny.?
?If you write to them, I will read it to them.? He looked her over. He looked out the door again, but didn't open it yet. He seemed to be giving her time to collect herself.
She nodded and took another breath, silently thankful for the time he gave. She was calm and cool again. ?
?Thank you Gavin, for being so good... to them.? Lord knew he could still be a raging prick to her.
?Shut up, Paige. Don't treat me like I'm doing you a favor by caring about my own children. You can't seem to accept the reality of me. You never could.? Gavin rolled his eyes.
That sparked a little bit of temper, but she choked it back down. The only hint of it was that her voice wasn't quite as soft as it had been.
?I didn't mean it that way. I just ... never mind. We don't need to get into it. I should get them home. I'm going to pack up a few extra things to send along.?
?Do you need help?? He started to push the door open, but hung back to let her leave before him.
?No, thank you.? She started for the door, then stopped to look at him. Her eyes were narrowed just slightly as she stared at and studied his face. Maybe if she looked long enough, she'd see something there she hadn't before.
He looked back at her. As good as he normally was at keeping his mask up. PJ knew him well enough to pick out small pieces of hurt here and there among his features. She could only wonder what she had done to put that look there. She blew out a breath and brushed a fast, faint kiss across his cheek.
?I'll see you in a couple of days then.?
She couldn't take the close quarters any more. Too much emotion, her heart still too broken, it would be all too easy to fall into Gavin's arms, if he'd even take her, that is. She shimmied around him, only to see that both kids had fallen asleep there on the floor. She smiled at the sight and was still smiling when she turned back to Gavin to whisper. ? Why don?t I get them in the morning. There's no reason to wake them up... I mean, unless you have plans for later.? It wasn't his night for the kids, after all.
?Nothing is planned tonight.? He was looking at her instead of the kids. ?Morning isn't that far off. You can sleep here with them.? Unexpectedly, he amended his statement, making it seem more innocent. ?I will go to a hotel.?
She looked at the kids, then back at him, shaking her head no. ? I'm going to head home. I can probably get more packed in a couple hours tonight than I will all day tomorrow. ?
She watched as he moved and very gently lifted Laci from her seat and held her against his shoulder, he'd never been more careful of anything than he was of waking the little girl up. His look to PJ was one of understanding. Gavin looked at Laci's sleeping face, seemingly waiting for PJ to go before putting the baby in her bed.
PJ knelt by Liam first and gently kissed his brow, then stood and moved to Gavin and kissed Laci's cheek. She looked up at Gavin and mouthed "Good Night". She headed for the door, thinking yet again how hard it was going to be away from Lace and Lee for so long. She let herself out and shut down her brain. No more thinking tonight.