Fate. There it was again... This time, however, she didn't shy away from it or feel as though it was just a play on words. This time, she accepted it for what it was and fully intended to embrace it. "... I believe fate may have been terribly absent on the day something happened to a person that I... was close with." Her hesitance was hard to miss but impossible to catch. She pressed on with the energy of a marathon runner. "He was a boy that worked here in the church and... I spent years of my life with him. He didn't deserve what happened to him, I wasn't there to... to be there for him the one time he needed me like I always needed him. ...If there is some way, any way, to make it so that didn't happen..." She trailed off at what seemed to be an inopportune moment, but never before had that sudden silence been so adequately placed.
"It is not for any of us to judge whether or not Fate's decision was just or unjust. If She made Her decision, then it is something that we must live with." She said it evenly, her eyes level on Elisa's face, the solid black of them fathomless, like the pitfall of an abandoned well; yawning and hollow. "A boy that worked here, you say. I believe I already know of whom you speak. He was not only close to you, but the others here, wasn't he? Is this the only reason you wish for his Destiny to be altered, or is there more?"
It wasn't fair of her to claim why fate did or didn't do something, and she immediately regretted saying it the moment it left her mouth. What was already done couldn't be shifted from, however, shaking her head to convey that she'd said everything she wanted to.
What else was there beyond selfish desires? Things she had striven to stay away from?
"...No. There isn't anything else that I could hope to say. He was a good person who went through a lot of terrible things. A lot of things that others did. A lot of things that I did. I could have been there beside him and none of this would have come out the way it did. ...I want him to have a fair chance, and I want to help him have it."
For the first time during the exchange, Joslin's black eyes flashed, lit up with a sheen of moisture that made them sparkle. She wound her hand tightly around the crystal next to her stomach, the leather cord it dangled from, and turned her face away from Elisa to the window. Outside, the sky was blue and clear, without a cloud or bird. Perhaps it was too hot for either. "You care deeply for him." The pressure in her chest was intense. She lifted her fist to her breastbone. "What caused his death?" She could only assume that this was where Elisa's earlier questions had been leading.
The air was thick with remorse and guilt, palpable every time she sucked in another wave of oxygen. Without knowing where her eyes should be, they returned to the floor, studying the way her boots gleamed the dull glow of sunlight. For a split second, they resembled closed eyes, slumbering peacefully while she idled. "I... don't know," she answered truthfully. "I know that somebody got to him while he was trying to protect me. He... showed up to either see me off or stop me from going away, but I was in danger. He willingly put himself in my place to stop something from happening." Her throat became difficult, unwilling to work with her and so incredibly tight, she couldn't fathom the idea of swallowing. She ignored it. "It was the last time I saw him. I never got to thank him, or tell him anything else. All he did was yell at the person who was there with me to take me and run. And she did."
There, finally, was a bird. No, four. They flapped their small wings, gnats in the great blue sky, and were gone too soon afterward. There wasn't much else in her surroundings to focus on and she would rather not look at the girl unless she really needed to. This story was, in fact, tragic. As were so many. It didn't matter how many times she'd heard one just like it, pain barreled into her like a wrecking ball. "If he did these things, he must have known the danger. He made a choice, as we must all do in times of great need. Fate..is a hard, stern mistress. Perhaps it was--" She blinked. Never before had it been so difficult to finish a thought, much less a sentence. Suddenly bolstered by this revelation, she sat straighter on the bed. She said nothing else.
"It wasn't," she snapped back, but without it being a funnel for her anger. She was set and determined to believe that which guided Joslin, fate, didn't have a hand in what happened to Toby.
Not her Toby.
The coiling of tension eased from her shoulders and relaxed around the exposure of her thighs, finally granting her an opportunity to move fluidly. She took that time to shake off the tingling sensation that was running laps in the soles of her feet. She hadn't realized until then that she'd become so rigid, she was unknowingly hurting herself. The subject was a sour one, mournfully so. "...if you're able to do something to bring him back to me, to all of us, I would like to ask for your assistance."
"...Yes, I see it now. I see--" She could have been speaking to another entity, the way her attention was fixated on nothing at all. Her bottomless black eyes were wide, all the whites swallowed up, two globules of obsidian in a marble face. She dropped her crystal against her navel and reached up into the air, the curve of her hand graceful as if she meant to cup the cheek of an unseen face. She caressed the empty air. "Found a way, already," she murmured, briefly smiling. With her hand still raised, Joslin turned her head to Elisa. She had known that the moment she looked at this girl, she would know the answer. And she did. Fate's voice was like the tolling of a million bells, the tinkling of chimes, the banging of gongs. "There is a price to be paid, Elisa, for this to happen."
She disregarded the pit of blackness that Joslin's eyes became and focused solely on that small mouth which spoke to something or one; possibly her. Staring, she was suddenly transfixed, like she was hungering for a taste of something distant and forbidden and taboo. It only fell apart when Joslin mentioned a price to be had, snapping her squinting eyes back up. "What is it?" She already knew the power of time wouldn't come with a standard price tag. She kept her mind open and her offers to herself, focused only on what needed to be done of her. She implored Joslin to tell her straight. "Whatever it may be, it'll be worth it."
Joslin dropped her hand unceremoniously. "I have already explained," she began, feeling the tidal wave of emotion recede once she realigned herself with Fate's wishes. Periodically, her gaze flickered around the room, chasing something just out of her line of sight. "--had this event been recent, a simple procedure would be all that was needed. But this boy has died. His soul has moved onward from this plane into another, whether it be Fate's choice of reincarnation or simple afterlife." She set her feet on the floor, knees together. Both hands folded into the dip in her lap.
"What you ask is a great thing. Not only a Time Working, but a Destiny, a Fate. A Reality. To avoid this outcome again, we must decipher when and where this boy's life went horribly wrong, and rewind." She leveled her soulless gaze onto Elisa's determined one. "You will lose everything. As will he, and more. Because his existence will be dismantled and began again, your experiences together will be nothing more than obsolete and cease to be." She paused then, searching the girl's face. "You will not know of him, he will not know of you. History will be rewritten for all. There is no guarantee that you will ever meet again, or that Fate's newest path for him will not come without hardship. Is this something you are willing to accept?"
The more Joslin spoke to her about the fundamental requirements to this request, the more her face fell. She didn't fully comprehend every little thing that was said to her. What she did grasp, however, was the fact that they would suddenly be thrust into a time where neither of them knew one another. Their history together wouldn't have been. The person she was, today, would be altered drastically because he wasn't there.
Her mouth, dry from the emotional strain she was putting on herself, parted with a smack. "...wait, what? Why would... why would what happens between him and I be altered? I get that you would have to... shift time around, but... wouldn't this just be a thing where you're slipping around through time until you get him alive? Kind of like rewinding a tape in a VCR or a cassette tape?" Fairly understood, she hadn't an idea of what a cassette tape was. Compact disk was in its glory while she grew up with digital media immediately chasing it. That analogy might've overshot her own head. "I don't see how that would work. That's like saying you turning back his clock would make me suddenly go back ten years or more!" Which was a story for another day.
"Working Time is simple. It is, as you say, rather like a cassette tape. In that you can go backward and forward as many times as you like, but if the material of said tape has not changed, the outcome will be no different." She unfolded and refolded her fingers. "You would, essentially, be dooming yourself, this boy, and everyone involved with either one of you to an infinite loop of the very event you are trying to avoid.
"The material must be altered. Not only must we Work Time, but, as I said, Destiny. Erase those events which caused his life to turn from its true path. Without such outside meddling, Fate will grant him a new path. ...From your explanation, his choice must have been borne from great feeling. Deep reserves of affection, of courage, the need to protect and preserve something, or someone, he believed was worth dying for." She steepled both index fingers, and pointed them toward Elisa. "Without such events in his own life, the lives of those tied closest to him would ultimately be affected in the same way. A ripple, a refashioning of Reality and Existence."
"It is a heavy weight, Elisa, this decision you have before you." She lowered her hands once more to her lap. "The act is no less difficult than drawing breath. In your hands, this rests."
This was all well over her head. Having never experienced an event like this before, not even in her reading material, made it difficult for her to keep up. Her focus was lost back at the realization that they'd be back to a time before either of them met one another. Their lives would be altered drastically to the point that they'd likely be unrecognizable to the world at large. While she was already in that state -- and had been for several months -- it seemed like a brand new definition to the word "different".
She reclaimed her abandoned lean against the wall, crossing one leg over the other at the ankle, and pressed the toe line of one boot against the floor. It was her masterful attempt at appearing nonchalant. Unfortunately, the way her forehead crinkled with five thick hills of stress and the frown that developed killed the masquerade in its infancy. "What would that mean for me? How will this all affect me? I would lose track of him, I realize, but what else would I wind up losing...?"
Joslin's meager shoulders rose and fell. She was most comfortable with this sort of revelation, where she was the one imparting emotional weight upon another and not the other way around. She swore her spirit was like her body, flyweight and thread-like, thin, easily taxed. Like the makings of a bird, she could float and fly to wherever she wanted, whenever. But it left her without anchorage to Fate's machinations.
"...From your explanation, and the depths of your feeling, I can only assume that since he made this choice, his own care for you ran as deep, if not deeper. For you are here, and he is not, simply by his choice. He was a great fixture in your life, and if this is performed, that fixture will no longer be there. Events that had come about because of his presence or even his influence, individuals you have been in contact with for the same reason, or by proxy. Depending on where Fate decides to begin his second journey, you may in fact lose it all." She lifted her eyes from her knuckles to Elisa's feigned stance of ease.
Her stance of ease came with a heavy aura. More weighty than a thousand bricks all neatly stacked atop one another, ready to fall at the slightest breeze that brushed through the nearby window. She alternated between studying Joslin and examining the floor between where her legs met, unable to keep her attention more than several seconds. More and more, her focus was falling into tatters, a ship's sail full of holes from gunnery. "Everything. ...so you mean to say that, if I were to really want him back and among the living, not only would I lose the memories I've shared with him, but with everyone else since having met him? People like Evelyn, who I felt strongly for, Lorelei... even Saffron, who I was close to just recently?" It sounded unlikely, that everybody she'd remotely been tied to since her initial return to the city back in the year 2009 would be forgotten by the weaves of time.
Even so, Joslin didn't stutter. There was no guessing this important fact. The very moment it happened, if it happened, they would be gone to her. It clicked to her just then. She pushed herself from the wall in a panic, stumbling under the weight of gravity. "What about people like Katt?! I would lose ever knowing her, as well?" She realized Joslin didn't know a single one of these people, but it didn't matter to her. They were the important figures of her life--each of them shaping a very small part of who she was today.
"There is that possibility," Joslin agreed with a dip of her head. "If any one of these individuals was connected to this boy, if you met them because of your placement with him. Anywhere he touched, he will be erased. Your existence, Reality's perception of your own life's events will be drastically altered because the very cause of your existence in those certain places will cease to exist." She shifted in her seat. "What you must ask yourself is this, Elisa, for Fate has told me Herself that this request is something She greatly wishes to see to--but you must ask yourself..are your feelings for this injustice, for this boy worth the weight of all that you will lose? And he? How important to you is it that he be gifted a second chance at a life that you so vehemently described as unjust?" Her tone was gentle, a great contrast to Elisa's louder words.
Doubt didn't appear on her countenance when she lifted her gaze to Joslin for a split second before averting it to one side. She struggled to find the courage to meet her gaze, but it never happened no matter how hard she tried. "...when I came to this city, he was the one that I found. It was just by chance that I did, and I had to be here to keep me protected. I was supposed to go back home, but because he was here and willing to keep an eye on me, I never... I never wanted to leave.
"There were others here and there, people like Katt, who watched over me, but... but they were here because of him, too. ...I wouldn't have stayed here if it wasn't for him, because they wouldn't have stayed, either. They didn't. They haven't." She shifted to the side and moved with a lethargic pace to the window that oversaw the outskirts of the city's limits.
It seemed like forever since she just sat down and watched the skyline of Chaos' hub. It was majestic back when she found it; a wonderful escape from the mundane and the terrible that Earth had shown her since she was a child. Today -- it wasn't all that different from her home. But to forget everything... "...if what you're telling me is what'll happen, then... I will be rewound to a time I didn't know any of these people. I'll... forget everybody." With a glance, she wound her fingers around the pendant fastened to her neck. "...what about what I've become? Will that...?"
"Hmm. There are ways to prevent certain events," the voice answered her. "If you are determined to see that boy return to you, I will ensure there is minimal loss on both our parts."
Joslin followed Elisa's progress, with her eyes and ears. There was little else that she could add. The decision was out of her hands. Fate, she could feel, was like an angered bull ready to charge free of its pen and wreak havoc, or in this sense, mend a wrong. The silence dragged after the unknown voice spoke to the room. A brief crease of puzzlement marred her brow, wondering where it had come from, but she was not one to judge others speaking to voices that only they knew the origin of. "Fate has handed you this choice from the information you have given Her. She leaves this decision up to you, and I have been tasked with its execution. You need only say the words..and the rest will be left to Her. Take your time."
She wanted to laugh at the irony of Joslin's comment. There was no humor to be had in an irreversible, irreconcilable decision like this. While she appreciated everything the woman had helped her with, she couldn't rightly sit there and tell her that the people who shaped her, today, were any less important than a single boy from three years ago. Everyone had their importance to her, and she loathed the idea of losing any single one of them. Having lost Katt in her life was enough of a blow to make her feel sick in the stomach any time she saw her. That was the only other powerful figure in her life from a time when she first arrived in the world.
Now, it was gone.
It was what she clung to, the largest factor that kept her locked at an impasse. Was it worth clinging to, anymore? When she glanced back at Joslin with those squinty eyes and thin-lined mouth, she knew her answer. Katt had moved on ages ago and wanted nothing else to do with her. She didn't blame her, either. "...maybe I can do one last favor for her," she uttered under a balmy breath. She could bring somebody back that had been incredibly important to both of them, and, at the same time, finally let everything go.
With that reasoning under her belt, she nodded her head at Joslin. "...rewind us, Joslin."