It?s dark. Too dark. Dark enough that I can barely see my hand in front of my face. Dark enough that I can barely make out the room I?m in. Checkers. Lots and lots of checkers. Black. White. Black. White. They litter the floor. Miles. Miles upon miles. There aren?t any walls. It?s all pitch black everywhere I look. Like the city I live in when the moons are high overhead like some kind of twin pearls.

I?m at a table. My table? It looks like my table. My little kotasu back at the apartment. But this isn?t my apartment. This isn?t my room. Where is this?

The air feels heavy. Cumbersome. Like I can?t breathe it. I don?t even feel like I?m breathing, though. I feel hot, and, at the same time, I feel cold. Like I?m frozen under the earth.

Did I die?

?Ahh, so there you are.?

A voice. A soft voice. A feminine voice. Where is it coming from?

?I thought you?d never wake up.?

Who is that? Where are you? Why can?t I see you?

?Hmm. You?re still a little delirious.?

A light. Far off, yet still blinding. I can see it. Like it?s at the end of a really long, winding tunnel. I can?t reach it.

?So you can see that. Allow me, then.?

Candles flutter by my vision, lighting up my surroundings. Their flame is bluer than the blue skies. The setting fills with color, emptying the void that I?m sitting in. The checkers littering my feet expand as far as the eye can see, up until the pattern meshes with the horizon and becomes one with the sky; an opaque, solid color. Like steel, or worm riddled old wood.

A small woman is sitting opposite of me on a bulky seat resembling a throne. She?s in a royal red dress. A c*cktail dress, I think they?re called. Barefoot. Her nails are lacquered a milky green. All her toes, all her fingers. Her face is faintly indistinguishable. But her hair is majestic. Endless as the space we occupy together.

She resembles somebody I know. Or knew?

?That?s better.?

Why can?t I make out who that is? Is it somebody important?

?That?s not very important right now, Mayu-chan. Do you know why you?re here??

I don?t even know where here is.

?Do you realize what you?ve started by eating human souls? Do you know what that means??

Souls? I ate one? I didn?t mean to actually?

?There are rules that govern us all. Eating one soul is no different than eating a hundred. A thousand. A million.?

What rules? What happened? What rules did I break?

?You?re a Handler. A wielder of souls. Just a wielder. You do not eat them. Especially not human souls. That is not your objective. That is not your way.?

I? I didn?t have a choice. If I didn?t do something to help?

?Had you left it alone, there would still be a future. Is power what you?re after? You shouldn?t be eating any souls unless you?re after more power. Rage? Anguish? Is that what you felt??

Rage? No? No, I don?t feel that!

?Anguish, then. You?re distraught over what happen.?

Why are you saying these things? What do you want?

?I want you to open your eyes. All you need to do is open your eyes, and everything will make sense to you.?

My eyes are open, though. I can see you. I can feel you. You?re not in that chair anymore. You?re in my lap, touching and caressing my face. I can feel your fingers running through my hair like its water, and tracing the path of veins in my neck. You?re at my collar, on my shoulders, against my breasts. You?re everywhere?

?Yes. You need help now, Mayu-chan. One soul will not be enough.?

One soul won?t be enough? What are you trying to say?

?One soul. It is only the beginning??

I don?t understand what you?re telling me!

Her indistinguishable face darkened, leaving only ivory white holes where her eyes should have been. She?s closer than I am to myself, turning all the air around me stagnant. I?m not breathing, but if I was, I?d be choking like a camel lodged in a sandstorm.

?You don?t have to, right now. You will, eventually. Regardless.?

?You?re back again. Hmm.?

Here? Again? I?m? still here? How come?? How come I keep ending up in here!?

?It?s better to ask why you wouldn?t want to be here. Everything is here. Everything you want is sitting right here."

I don?t know what you?re talking about. The only thing here is this crappy candle lit table. And you.

?Precisely??

I don?t want you. I don?t want anything to do with you. Just let me go!

?Hmm. You say that as though I?ve forced you here against your will. The only person who?s doing this to you is yourself. Don?t you understand that yet??

Why?? Why am I?? How do you know all of this? Why do you constantly tell me this stuff like you know what?s going on?! Just tell me already!

?I could. But what fun would that be, hmm? You?ve got no choice but to figure it out for yourself. You?re in control of everything, after all. I?m the innocent bystander who watches and helps you along periodically. Nothing more.?

That? that doesn?t make any sense! If you were--

?Stop thinking so much about it. Just embrace it. Please, sit.?

Sit? It?s the only thing that I can do in this endless void of black and white checkers. The steel sky looms lower than ever, like a dense fog rather than some kind of ceiling that obstructs my escape. The large chair that resembles a throne sits opposite of where I?m standing, beckoning me into its confining embrace like the arms of a lover not quite there. It calls to me, whispering like a sentient apparition. Without choice, I sit. It?s unbearably comfortable, if I had to describe it. It?s unsettling, but pleasant, like I?ve been standing for weeks and finally have a chance to relieve myself.

I guess, thinking about it, it?s like going to the bathroom after holding it in for a few hours? unsettling, but pleasant?

?Charming. Are you always so beautiful with your words??

Geh? you?re still here?

?Have you thought any more about what I?ve asked??

Asked? Power. I still don?t understand what you mean by power. In this world, it?s so relative?

?Relative, but endless. Endless beyond your imagination??

You?ve said something like that before. I didn?t get it then, and I still don?t now.

?Just think: Everybody has something, don?t they? Something they use to protect others?"

I? guess. I had something like that. More than a few times?

That is true. You had that thing from Fuka Academy, didn?t you? But you lost it trying to protect the very thing you wound up destroying. Hmm??

?Yeah, I did. When we met that strange guy who was going to do her piercing. He? ate my power. I don?t know that anybody even knows that right now?

?What is it with everybody eating things nowadays, anyway??

I still have my powers from Shamanista. And my Exorcist abilities. My Remnants can be used to--

?Shamanista?s power will destroy you before you even consider being able to use them. They already have countless times, Mayu-chan. And your Remnants? isn?t it used specifically to destroy Reavers??

You? How do you?

?What I know isn?t important, hmm? What is important now is what you?re going to do without any known power. If somebody you care about gets hurt--?

Why do you keep saying that? Nothing?s going to happen.

?You say that now. Are you willing to risk thoughts like that, though? At any time, somebody you know could be hunted, chased, or attacked before your very eyes.?

That?s? That?s not true. There?s no reason for anybody to be chased?

?Hmm. Is that why Martyr?s by your side??

That?

?Tell me, would you be here now if you weren?t? weak? Hmm??

Weak. Weakness. I?ve? I?ve always been weak. Even back in school, I needed Wakana to keep me safe. I needed? somebody by me all the time. If I didn?t, I?d get ganged up on, picked on, ridiculed? I?

Before I knew Wakana, even she would make fun of me. She?d get her friends to beat me up to see who?d make me bleed first. They? they?d all plot and scheme. ?come up with ways to make me suffer when I? I didn?t do anything wrong?

?Didn?t you? By being an easy target and letting people get to you, weren?t you doing something? Something horrible??

To? to who? Why would? why would my trying to be friends with somebody? anybody?

?Nobody wants to be your friend, Mayu-chan. Not a single person. Wakana took pity on you for what was happening to you. Had she not, and the fights continued on, you were going to wind up dead. Do you think she wanted all that blood on her hands? For the rest of her life??

Pity?? No. That?s not true. She stopped that boy from doing things to me the day we first became friends! There wasn?t any pity there? She even helped me when the girls took all my clothes in the locker room one time by giving me her own uniform! I wouldn?t have been able to make it to my class! I would have been in the locker room for hours with nothing to wear!

?Yes, I?m aware.?

Wakana had to do it instead of me! She stuck it out in the locker room all day until I could go back to our dorm to get her something! ?she? she must have gotten some clothes, though. She wasn?t there when I went back.

?Mayu-chan? don?t you realize the uniform she gave you was a perfect fit? It wasn?t snug, or too loose. It was almost like it was designed to fit you.?

Designed to fit me? Well, she knew my size. What if?

?Do you understand now??

?she? she took my uniform??

?All those times that you were finding pictures of your underwear littering the halls? The times you?d see them taped up on your locker, or when they?d be hanging out the window? Who else do you think could have had an opportunity to do stuff like that??

?w-why? would Wakana do that? The Yasaki sisters were always? they were the ones that liked to pick on me the most. Wakana said?

?Wakana was always talking to them, wasn?t she??

She told me she was threatening them. They never got in my face after a few talks. She always ensured they kept really far away! They?d push me around sometimes, but when Wakana showed up, they?d always hurry off in a fuss.

?Do you believe that??

I? I don?t know?

?Let me ask you another question. Say what Wakana was doing was all for your benefit. What was she gaining from it? In the end, I mean.?

? I? still don?t know?

?Hmm.?

She never really seemed to get anything out of it. We lived together in the dorm room. She just one day started changing her tune because she felt bad for what she?d been doing to me?

?Have you ever encountered that before? Ever??

No. I? I haven?t? I mean, Tracy had been beating me up for a little while, but once Flora turned against her, she started looking after me instead. But I? Tracy?s a Lunar Rabbit who?s only known how to be under somebody?s command. She was a slave. I don?t think she understands how to live without somebody controlling her? It?s not really the same?

?I see, hmm.?

Why are you saying all of this stuff to me? What do you know about Wakana, anyway!?

?Nothing you don?t already know yourself, Mayu-chan. You?ve doubted your friendship with her since the day you met, haven?t you? You always kept her a hairsbreadth away because you feared what would happen if you two remained separated. Much like now??

How do you even know all this!? You haven?t told me a thing after I?ve been rambling on!

?Maybe you?ve been wanting to share this stuff with somebody. It?s not as though your friends would listen to you. When have they??

They?ve? They always listen. And for the stuff that I don?t want people to hear about, I use my tape player. I always have something to talk to.

?Hmm. That tape player of yours??

What about it?

?Nothing. I just find it strange that it?s more of a friend to you than your actual so-called ?friends???

?

I?m going.

Although this world is open like an auditorium, there?s a large black door behind me. Where it leads, I don?t really know. It has to be better than here, though. Anywhere but here has to be better. There?s a subtle grip on my shoulders, like somebody trying to console me gently to prevent me from jumping out of my skin. Is it her again? It feels like her, only welcoming. More welcoming than usual, anyway. When I look over one of my claimed shoulders, I can only feel something warm and moist, like breath, on my face.

When I look back, there?s something foreign in my hand. Rock hard, but slender. Confused, I look to see what it is. A key? I guess for the door.

?I?ll let you decide when you?re ready to return here. Door?s always open to you, Mayu-chan.?

When I look back, she?s sitting at the table again, giving me that sardonic grin that makes her face split in half. Her eyes? pale, full moons. I don?t like that look of hers. I don?t understand that look of hers. I don?t want to see that look of hers? At the same time, though,. I feel secure. As if? I can talk to her. She understands me, even if I don?t want her to. I?ve never wanted anybody to understand me, though. It?s easier to be misunderstood. It keeps the attention away, keeps me out of people?s lives, and especially out of trouble. When people only think they know you, they don?t ask questions. They don?t need to figure out your intentions.

They? leave you alone.

I turn away, unlock the door, and draw it open. On the other side is nothing more than a vivid white light. Its warm glow embraces me, telling me I should go forward.

I don?t. Not yet?

Before I leave? will you answer something for me? For once?

?What is it, Mayu-chan??

What happens? if I consider whatever this power thing of yours is? Will you tell me what it is? What it involves?

?Haven?t I made that perfectly clear up until now? You ate a soul. You broke the rules. Without something to help fight that, you?re going to break the rules again, hmm. And you?ll continue to break the rules until nothing is left.?

Nothing? is left?

?Your ?friends?. You want to protect them, correct? Even from something like? yourself??

Of? Of course. I?ll do anything in order to keep them safe. They?re everything to me. Minoko, Kingsley, The Crew, Alice, Chastity, Toby? all of them. But I don?t understand what you mean by power. Is it some kind of spell? Some kind of armor? Weapon?

?Hmm. No. I?m afraid it?s nothing like that. Those things are fragile. Weak, like you. Power is something strong. The name alone implies its worth. What is power if it?s weak??

I don?t understand?

?It?s not for you to understand, Mayu-chan. It?s for you to embrace. If you want to protect them from even yourself, you?ll have to. Soon.

Very? soon.?