"I suppose I should start at the beginning, huh? Although, I'm not sure how much that matters. I mean, you can't really understand me, can you? You can't understand a real word I'm saying. You just look at me when you know I'm holding apples."
...
"Ow! Geez, okay, fine. You can understand me.
"You're real lucky I don't bleed."
...
...
"I met Shilo a few days ago. Like, honestly met her. I think I saw her once before that when I was bringing Marlena's order from the church. She sat at the bar and all she did was stare wide-eyed at the box. When I said something to her, it was like talking to a bird. She moved all jerky like she was scared. A few minutes later, she grabbed something and ran.
"As long as they eat. You know? Girls really do need to eat more."
...
"The next time I met her was actually the same night I had that huge talk with Nikia. She was sitting nearby, and staring at the delivery again like she wanted to take something and run.
"I started talking to her.
"I don't really remember everything we said.
"I think she asked me about St. Agnes' and what I do there. I remember talking about the wards and protections that it has and how sometimes it moves around the city. And it does. Sometimes the route you take one day isn't going to be the same route you take the next.
"When I first started working there, I remember the church moving around on me a lot. I'd follow the same streets and wind up on the other side of town or at a giant crater. Or on the banks of the river.
"I used to hate those wards. Now that I understand them and they don't really trick me anymore, they're okay.
"It keeps trouble out, and that's the important thing."
...
"Anyway.
"We kept talking.
"I kept asking her questions. I usually do, though, that's not strange. But from talking to Mayu..."
...
...
"Sorry. Uh.
"Right, Mayu. Um. Talking to her has kind of helped me see I don't really--let up. You know? I always thought that was a good thing. I don't mind when people ask me stuff, I don't mind talking. And when I make a new friend, I want to learn about them. I like learning about them.
"Shilo is from Earth. She said she wasn't allowed outside much, or not at all because she used to be sick. With something called 'high blood pressure.' I don't know what the heck that is. Maybe her blood hurts her veins or something, like there's too much of it in there. I don't know what it has to do with her getting 'excited' either.
"That's how she described it at first. That she was kept inside 'cause she'd get excited.'"
...
...
"Yeah, that's what I thought too. I almost freaked out. How many ways can you define excitement?"
...
"But. I kept asking her questions. And the more she answered, the more it seemed like it was getting harder to answer. You know? So I told her that she could ask me something.
"And that's when I knew she was smart."
...
"She asked me, or--told me, really, that I longed for something. Or someone. That I try so hard to help people, that even when I'm done, I'm still trying. But that she could still sense it.
"I'd never heard of anything like that before. Maybe an empath could do it, but--No, she's not one of those. It's not like I walk around parading what I feel. I try my best not to. I don't know where she got it from.
"But she wasn't wrong.
"It scared me. It still kind of does. She'd known me for hours. Collectively. For hours. And she could already see that much."
...
"I wouldn't tell her anything at first.
"When Shilo left that night, she told me that maybe, one day I'd tell her *her* name."
"I thought--holy crap. It can't be that obvious. I don't stare all googly-eyed at Mayu. Anymore. And I'd like to think that when we're together, all I do is tick Eri off."
...
...
"Sorry, I shouldn't laugh."
...
"I didn't know Shilo was longing for somebody too. I felt better. You know? I shouldn't, because this hurts. It's worth it when I can be near her and touch her, but without her here, it hurts. It's becoming--impossible to stay away like I am.
"Ah--But, Shilo said we were kindred spirits, and I thought that could only mean she had feelings for somebody too.
"So I asked.
"I told her I'd tell her mine if she told me hers. You know, incentive. So that she'd learn something at the same time I added what she'd told me to all the stuff she'd *already* told me.
"And you know what?
"She said it was her father."
...
...
"And I swear, I wished I would have passed out. I felt so dumb for hoping she felt the same way I did, the exact same way. For hoping that she had somebody too that was just out of her reach.
"I don't talk to people about it much. Most of my friends are happy and I don't know how many of them would resist giving me advice. I don't want advice.
"I had my chance and I blew it, but--you know now, now that doesn't seem so hopeless.
"So what if she has somebody? What kind of good could that relationship be doing her if she already--you know."
...
"Before I get ahead of myself, Shilo wanted to know who it was. I told her to guess, and she did. She thought it was lucky because she didn't know many people in my life, but I wasn't expecting her to get it wrong.
"She said Mayu.
"And I smiled."
...
...
"I won't let myself think that Shilo's wrong.
"I mean--I've been telling myself the exact opposite of what she said to me for... Hell, I don't even know how long it's been now. But it's been a while.
"I don't know why, it just--seemed natural to. I've never figured out why it took me so long to pluck up enough courage to even *plan* to tell her."
...
"I keep thinking, how happy would I be right now if I'd done it? And if she let me have a chance?
"What I'm feeling right now, right this moment wouldn't even come close."
...
...
...
"This world... And no offense to it, 'cause it's great and everything, but this world--seems so insignificant right now. There doesn't seem to be anything more important than the idea..."
...
...
...
"...that the girl I love might love me back."
