I'd been in Rhydin a week before I found what I was looking for. I should have went straight away to the house, but the sudden appearance of a former student and occupant might have been a bit unsettling for Ms. Millard. I met her at the Inn and she recognized me on the spot. She scared me, using her teacher voice.

I told her my intentions of wanting to help out at the house. She inquired if I might be interested in helping out Ed. Of course I jumped at the chance. Ed and his team have saved hundreds, if not thousands of children and I want to be a part of that.

When I got to Rhydin, I had a set of goals in mind. One was to visit the house, another was to make myself available to Ms. Millard to help out in any way that I could. Mom and Dad said the trust fund was for my use and I want to put the money to good use. I came back to give back to the people and house that had saved me. So that I may save or help to save children.

I met with Ed and he happily accepted my help. Though the question always comes up. How am I going to keep my hair from leaving a trail that would lead to Rose House. It's no wonder I keep soft, floppy hats in my pockets. I showed Ed how I can hide my hair and that was good enough. A shake of hands later and I'm already undergoing training.

I met Declan in the kitchen, Ms. Millard requesting that he give me a tour of the not so known parts of the house. The vibes that this guy was giving off were very confusing. I didn't know if he wanted to kiss me or ignore me. Either way, Ms. Millard said I should let him collar me. I had made a joke about leading Declan around like a puppy on a leash. I think I was missing something by Ms. Millard's remark, but I'm too embarassed to admit that I didn't understand. Declan and Ms. Millard seemed to think it was funny, but there was something in their laughter that just seemed... off?

Then Declan took me to a bar and I met his girlfriend. At least, I think she's his girlfriend. I got incredibly drunk. That's not something I've ever done before. It felt strange and I think I laughed a lot. I don't remember much, if anything. All I know is that I woke up naked and sandwiched between Aleyna and Declan.

They woke up a part of me that I truly didn't think existed. I'd never thought much about sex. There was always something to do that kept my mind from wandering down that road, I suppose. Declan and Aleyna insist that nothing happened that night, and I believe them. What happened that morning, though, is something I don't think I'll ever forget.

It's hard to even think about, so I think I'll leave the memory in my head and not write about it. I just feel so stupid and naive when I'm around Declan and Aleyna. I don't understand the need to be with more than one person. Love is meant to be shared between two people, right? We talked about it and Declan says he can't be satisfied, that one person will never be enough for him.

Part of me wants to be with Declan. It hurt Aleyna to know that Declan was were my interests lie. I feel terrible about hurting her. She'd been very kind to me and never asked me for anything. She's beautiful, she really is. But I can't help how I feel inside. I hope she forgives me.

Thing is, there's a part of me that's scared of Declan. I'm not sure I can be so open and able to share. Years of being taught that kind of love where bodies are shared, should be between two people with a strong commitment; that kind of ingrained doctrine just doesn't go away over night.

I told Declan that I'd think about things. He seems very into me, but is it good enough to me to share him? Will Aleyna and I end up hating each other over Declan? I don't know the answers and I wish I had somebody I could talk to. Somebody who doesn't know any of us that can give an unbiased opinion.

I came to Rhydin to work. I had no intentions of becoming physical with anybody. It's already murking up the water. Maybe I should stick to helping the kids and trying to be friends with Declan and Aleyna. She had him first, it just seems the right thing to do.

If I can only make myself believe it.