Dear Dr. Figmund,

Is that like, you like to eat figs, or, that you're related to a fig? It's not so ridiculous.

I heard you help people who aren't in their heads. I mean, are in their heads but their heads are not correct. I mean, their heads are on their necks and everything, and it doesn't look like it'll fall off, but something is not right on the inside. It's like these people have other people living inside of their heads, and I heard maybe you could ask some of them to leave. Nicely. Like, not hurt their feelings, because if you did hurt their feelings, they'd just explode into a thousand angry darts sticking to my insides. Or, if you ask them to leave and they won't leave, maybe you could just convince everyone else that everything they say and make me see is really real in reality.

I really hate writing letters. I hope you don't hate reading them.

- The Princess Victoria Alexandra Chylde etc.

P.S. I have a friend who signs his name esq but I don't know what it means.