Preparation for Yule
The chill nights of late autumn have settled over Palazzo Drachen Walde. Frost grows on the lawns and garden plants only to evaporate with the rising of the sun each morning, but for a few moments just after the sun rises, the world becomes highlighted briefly with glittering bits of diamond dust as I walk alone in the chill air. Yule is coming, and with it a deepening sadness that is settling into my bones as surely as the frost settles on the world at night.
Yule. That time of year when scores of people will gather with their families to begin the month long series of festivities. The Yule season is a time of year where merriment, and joyful reunions with friends and family will herald in the shortest days of the year amidst a flurry of gift giving and feasting surrounded by the glow of candles, and the chill winds from the depths of winter. It also heralds a generosity of spirit that somehow seemed to diminish with the returning of the sun.
My spirits should have risen at the prospect of such a joy-filled season; however, I find myself saddened and disinclined to remain in RhyDin for the season of lights. I would go home to Rigel instead. Find solace at my parents? mausoleum for a time and have precious moments alone with the souls of the two people I miss the most in this world. While my father had known RhyDin, my mother had never traveled here. She was loath to consider leaving the ?civilization? of Rigel for the ?frontier? of RhyDin she had always told me. She had loved the city of my birth, and at one time, so had I. However, time has changed my views of RhyDin, and it has become a place more tolerant of diversity; it is also less restrained by the past and painfully formal protocol of Rigelian Court. Overall, RhyDin has replaced Rigel as my home, but now I find a deep need to return to my birthplace to honor my parents during these candle lit days of Yule.
Klinton has been away again, and I do not know if it is because of the loss of our daughter, or the needs of his project. He has not spoken of what happened, and there grows a barrier between us that I cannot explain. I am uncertain I desire an explanation. Moreover, while Dyson and the staff into a Yule showpiece have transformed the Palazzo, it does nothing to bring me closer to the spirit of the season. I discover that my evenings are empty and lonely despite the number of people under the roof of my home. Loneliness is not something I had ever suffered from in the past, but find myself suffering now with Klinton?s absence, and the loss of our child. Alone, I feel totally alone amidst a house full of people. How incongruous.
Prince Mikhail and his intimates remain, but we have not seen one another much since my return from Auriga. Mikhail knows what has transpired, and I have shared with him what Gabriel had said about that being his last trip home. We are both worried that Gabriel was preparing to walk into the sun, and Mikhail had garnered a promise from Gabriel that he would not do such a thing without speaking with his Prince first. I hope that Mikhail could keep Gabriel from seeking the sun, and yet, I felt a weariness in him that I had never sensed before, a weariness that found a responsive chord in my own heart.
These mornings in the garden just as the sun rises are my time to let my emotions rule. They are those precious moments when I do not impose a strong will to keep them buried deeply, for the one thing mother taught me was that one could never keep emotions bottled inside. They must be given an outlet, or they will take over at the least appropriate time or place imaginable. And so it is here in the gardens where the statuary and the plants will not care if my decorum slips, or my tears fall onto the flagstones. They will not ask me questions, and they will not offer meaningless platitudes. The purpose of these gardens is to provide a soothing place for the soul, and to that end, they perform their tasks admirably.
This morning as I wandered through the courtyard, I saw the first blue bird I had ever seen in RhyDin. I had been told they were scarce here, on the verge of extinction in fact, but there it was, perched atop the marble fountain, just out of reach of the splashing water droplets. It was too early for him to sing, and so it sat there watching me as I studied its brilliant blue plumage with its contrasting burnt orange neck ruff. An old children?s rhyme came to mind about blue birds being the harbingers of happiness. Perhaps in time happiness will return, but I seriously doubt it will be due to the appearance of this rare little bird. It remained motionless atop the fountain as I resumed my stroll, as though knowing I could not reach it, nor bother it where it sat. It sensed it was safe in that protected garden. It remained there until I returned indoors, and when I turned around to close the door, I glanced at the top of the fountain. It was gone.
The chill nights of late autumn have settled over Palazzo Drachen Walde. Frost grows on the lawns and garden plants only to evaporate with the rising of the sun each morning, but for a few moments just after the sun rises, the world becomes highlighted briefly with glittering bits of diamond dust as I walk alone in the chill air. Yule is coming, and with it a deepening sadness that is settling into my bones as surely as the frost settles on the world at night.
Yule. That time of year when scores of people will gather with their families to begin the month long series of festivities. The Yule season is a time of year where merriment, and joyful reunions with friends and family will herald in the shortest days of the year amidst a flurry of gift giving and feasting surrounded by the glow of candles, and the chill winds from the depths of winter. It also heralds a generosity of spirit that somehow seemed to diminish with the returning of the sun.
My spirits should have risen at the prospect of such a joy-filled season; however, I find myself saddened and disinclined to remain in RhyDin for the season of lights. I would go home to Rigel instead. Find solace at my parents? mausoleum for a time and have precious moments alone with the souls of the two people I miss the most in this world. While my father had known RhyDin, my mother had never traveled here. She was loath to consider leaving the ?civilization? of Rigel for the ?frontier? of RhyDin she had always told me. She had loved the city of my birth, and at one time, so had I. However, time has changed my views of RhyDin, and it has become a place more tolerant of diversity; it is also less restrained by the past and painfully formal protocol of Rigelian Court. Overall, RhyDin has replaced Rigel as my home, but now I find a deep need to return to my birthplace to honor my parents during these candle lit days of Yule.
Klinton has been away again, and I do not know if it is because of the loss of our daughter, or the needs of his project. He has not spoken of what happened, and there grows a barrier between us that I cannot explain. I am uncertain I desire an explanation. Moreover, while Dyson and the staff into a Yule showpiece have transformed the Palazzo, it does nothing to bring me closer to the spirit of the season. I discover that my evenings are empty and lonely despite the number of people under the roof of my home. Loneliness is not something I had ever suffered from in the past, but find myself suffering now with Klinton?s absence, and the loss of our child. Alone, I feel totally alone amidst a house full of people. How incongruous.
Prince Mikhail and his intimates remain, but we have not seen one another much since my return from Auriga. Mikhail knows what has transpired, and I have shared with him what Gabriel had said about that being his last trip home. We are both worried that Gabriel was preparing to walk into the sun, and Mikhail had garnered a promise from Gabriel that he would not do such a thing without speaking with his Prince first. I hope that Mikhail could keep Gabriel from seeking the sun, and yet, I felt a weariness in him that I had never sensed before, a weariness that found a responsive chord in my own heart.
These mornings in the garden just as the sun rises are my time to let my emotions rule. They are those precious moments when I do not impose a strong will to keep them buried deeply, for the one thing mother taught me was that one could never keep emotions bottled inside. They must be given an outlet, or they will take over at the least appropriate time or place imaginable. And so it is here in the gardens where the statuary and the plants will not care if my decorum slips, or my tears fall onto the flagstones. They will not ask me questions, and they will not offer meaningless platitudes. The purpose of these gardens is to provide a soothing place for the soul, and to that end, they perform their tasks admirably.
This morning as I wandered through the courtyard, I saw the first blue bird I had ever seen in RhyDin. I had been told they were scarce here, on the verge of extinction in fact, but there it was, perched atop the marble fountain, just out of reach of the splashing water droplets. It was too early for him to sing, and so it sat there watching me as I studied its brilliant blue plumage with its contrasting burnt orange neck ruff. An old children?s rhyme came to mind about blue birds being the harbingers of happiness. Perhaps in time happiness will return, but I seriously doubt it will be due to the appearance of this rare little bird. It remained motionless atop the fountain as I resumed my stroll, as though knowing I could not reach it, nor bother it where it sat. It sensed it was safe in that protected garden. It remained there until I returned indoors, and when I turned around to close the door, I glanced at the top of the fountain. It was gone.