It had been a long hike through the woods, lots of zigs and zags along the way but they looked to finally be making some progress. They were experienced in the ways of the forest, Rangers, at home with the trees. And they were lost. There was Chris with his head down, his face mere inches from a parchment scribbled with crude directions, trying to walk between dark trees with sunglasses on. Following a little further back were the caddy and the intern, each with their own pair of shades. None of them could see worth a crap. It was a necessary evil however; with the eyes covered it was a lot harder to be detected by spider monkeys. The blue ones eat the eyes.

Finally they found a trail and followed it all the way to the atelier, moving up to the door they stopped, staring at it quietly in between looks among themselves. This went on for a while with nothing getting done until the caddy, who was nervously searching the shadows for any sign of the blue horde, finally spoke up.

?Well? Are you going to knock?? The caddy asked impatiently. ?We?re like sitting ducks out here.?

?You knock.? Chris responded. He had heard stories about witches, the worst being about the one who not only controlled spider monkeys, but gave them wings. ?Wicked,? he whispered.

?Are you scared?? The caddy?s expression was that of amusement, a brief respite from the cold and paranoia. Which is not really paranoia when the creatures you are really paranoid about are really out to get you; so put that in your pipe and smoke it.

?She is a witch man! Hello.? Chris? tone was a convincing one. ?Haven?t ya ever read Shakespeare?? He was looking between the two faces to see if the underlying theme was getting through to them. ?Shakespeare?? The three witches?? Macbeth!? The last was almost a cry for understanding.

?Who?? The caddy had no idea what the RPS Guy was talking about and the intern just stood there with a blank look. They both shrugged in unison.

?It?s a freaking tragedy. Good god man! *Having a conversation with you is like a Martian talking to a Fungo.? Chris spoke with an edge of annoyance, but it was mostly frustration dripping from the words. ?Listen. All I?m sayin? is witches are bad mojo man. So stay alert and keep ya head on a swivel.?

?Head on a swivel. Got it. Now can you knock on the door so we can get the stuff we need and take care of those blue little bastards before they take care of us?? The caddy had gone back to being cold and paranoid.

?Swivel!? The intern chimed in, his English was getting better.

?Yeah, swivel. Good job Chewie.? Chris gave the intern an approving nod then turned to knock on the door. Hesitated, and then continued. Knock. Knock.


(*Bull Durham)

Chris turned back to the others after knocking on the door to point out the fact that the atelier looked like a giant pumpkin. The intern and caddy just kind of looked at him like he was an idiot. Or slow.

?That?s pretty observant of you there Chris. Hey look, the grass is green. It is dark at night. Oh and hey, there are trees in the forest?? The caddy was laying it on pretty thick as he pointed out the obvious and would have kept going if he wasn?t interrupted.

?Ya are hilarious! How about I kick ya?? The caddy had been asking for a beating all night with the poor attitude and Chris was about to oblige when the door opened.

Quickly he turned back around to see the witch standing there in the door way with her pretty smile; they all lifted a hand in greeting and answered ?hello? at the same time. It was like they were odd triplets or got the group rate or something. This behavior continued as they shuffled inside at the witch?s invitation and welcomed the warmth of the room.

?Woo. It is a bit chilly out there.? Chris was rubbing his hands together and blowing on them to warm them up. ?I sure am glad you were open because it is quite a hike out here and easy to get lost?for some people to get lost I mean. Not us though, we?re rangers. One with the trees, that?s us?yep.? He was rambling at this point, lying too, probably a little to preoccupied with keeping his head on a swivel and out of some bubbling cauldron of which the final ingredient is the ear of a postman or something.

?Eh?I?m Chris by the way and that there is the caddy McDoodles and the intern is Chewie.? He pointed to each in turn then glanced back to Elly. ?We all work at RPS. Well, Chewie and I do, McDoodles is my caddy?for golf. For when I play golf??

While the RPS Guy rambled on like some kind of coo coo pants the caddy was checking the place out, mostly the sweeping brooms. He was looking for the trick, the string, waving his hand over the top of one to bring the secret to light. When he didn?t find a string he began looking for some other explanation, even going as far to get down on the floor and look for the answer there. Magnets! It was probably magnets under the floor and in the broom. Opposites attract and all that good stuff.

The intern meanwhile had his face right up against The Pumpkin and was looking closely at the eyes as they made different shapes, nearly matching his own from squints to the wide-eye. He was poking his finger into the empty eyes at this point, wondering why it had tape on the mouth and smelled like peanut butter. "Pourquoi fait ce les yeux de potirons sentent comme le beurre d'arachide?" Chewie called over to Chris and Elly holding up the piece of tape he just removed from the pumpkin?s mouth. "Je ne pense pas qu'il aime la bande de conduit."

Chris always got that face whenever he tried to understand what the intern was saying, it made him look like he ate a lemon or was constipated. ?Why would ya want to put peanut butter on duct tape Chewie? I don?t think ya or the pumpkin will find it very tasty.? Shaking his head he looks back to Elly with an apologetic smile. ?Sorry about that, so where was I?oh yes, I understand it that you sell things. Magic things??

Chewie paused a moment, lighting a small grin and waved back to the polite Witch before turning once more to the Pumpkin, or what he thought was a pumpkin. Was it a French speaking turtle? He got real close to the orange head again, studying it. He had never seen an orange turtle before. ?Parlez-vous fran?ais??

The Caddy had moved away from the brooms, he couldn?t figure out how the trick worked and it was starting to mess with his head. Thinking maybe he was a little to close to the project to wrap his mind around it he continued his tour of the atelier, giving himself a little space so when he went back his mind would be fresh and he could continue his magnet theory troubleshooting. A drink sounded nice so he moved over to the portable stove and poured himself a cup of the sludge like substance. After a quick study, which entailed nearly sticking his whole face in the cup for a better look and smell, he shrugged and took a sip.

Chris tossed his gaze from her over to Chewie and the turtle then to the Caddy, who he watched pour then drink the black sludge. Blink. ?Um?? Looking back to The Witch, ?That?s not gonna kill him is it?? He shot another quick glance back to the Caddy who had by now poured another cup and was drinking it as he continued his tour of the place. ?I?m gonna leave ya in the woods if ya die man,? he called over to the Caddy then turned all his attentions back to the cute little redhead.

?It is nice to meet ya too.? He was smiling, he couldn?t help it; nodding too. ?I believe we?ve been in the inn together at least once. I remember I was going to go introduce myself, see if ya wanted to have a drink, maybe do a little dancing, make out a little?? He did a few steps of the white-mans overbite, laughing a bit. ?Then Geophrey came in, he is the huge giant crab by the way, and ya attacked him. Pumpkins blowing up and shite, ya remember?

?Anyway, when I left the inn that night I had pumpkin guts splattered on me, I even got some in my beer which gave it a unique flavor. It was quite good actually.? Shaking his head before he gets off track, ?That is a story for another time however. So I was walking home when I was attacked by a swarm of blue spider monkeys. See I had forgotten to put my shades on and that is how they could see me. Ya see, blue spider monkeys eat the eyes, they always eat the eyes. *And they can float above the grass in circles if they try a latent power I know they hide. They are my sworn enemy, those blue little bastards, and it looked like they finally had gotten me. I was done for as about twenty of them jumped me at once. I tried to fight them off but there were too many and just as they were about to eat my eyes one of them made this high-pitched screech and then they all scattered into the night.

?Now of course I got up, put my shades on, and high tailed it to the loft before they could jump me again. Once there I spent the next hour or so racking my brain trying to figure out what spooked them but couldn?t come up with anything until I was getting ready to take a shower. I took off my shirt and bam! There it was. Pumpkin guts. I think maybe they don?t like pumpkin guts. So I need pumpkin bombs. Lots of em?. Lots and lots and lots of em?. Pausing a moment, eyes drifting upwards in thought as he tries to remember what he was supposed to pick up.

?Avez-vous pos? des questions sur le shampooing??

?Oh right. The Intern wanted some of that shampoo too.?

(*The Shins-Phantom Limb)

Caddy McDoodles turned as he heard the Pumpkin cough up a loogie, a disgusted look given to the spot on the floor near the Intern?s feet, a twisted sneer that was quickly engulfed in another sip of the black sludge. The sip brought the smile back, the drink was quite delicious and its aroma reminded him of some distant childhood memory that he couldn?t quite put his finger on. Something about grass, wet grass, and the wet grass is itchy. Damn! The Caddy was already beginning to scratch all over his body, little itches here and there, though having no clue it was the drink causing the problem he continued to enjoy it.

When the pumpkin head spoke, extending it's hand, the Caddy took that as an offer for more sludge and happily accepted, handing the mug back over for a refill. ?Don?t mind if I do. This is a tasty beverage and I think I would like the recipe. What?s it called again?Bababa juice? Betcha? this stuff will put some hair on your chest.?

Waiting for the refill he turned his attention back to Chewie and the Pumpkin, eyes glancing briefly to the phlegm on the floor then back up, he was thinking the Pumpkin might make a pretty good ally in the fight to come. He rubbed at his face as he thought, maybe the Pumpkin could projectile vomit on command, or maybe?maybe?what the hell? His face felt like it needed a shave already and he had just done so a couple of hours ago. He began looking around for a mirror, the projectile vomit forgotten for the moment.

Meanwhile, Chris was nodding in agreement with the fine Witch, his eyes were wide and showing his concern. ?Yeah, I know. I didn?t want to die.? He was returning the small hug, or was so halfway, a hand patting her back softly, reassured. ?They had their chance, but I still got my eyes and now its payback time. Gonna kill all the little suckers, even if it means going back through the doorway of goo.? He had turned his head and was watching the Caddy drinking and now scratching, wondering if he would be getting werewolf hairy when that stuff kicks in. Maybe get some of the blue shampoo and make him a giant blue spider monkey to infiltrate the? snapped from his thought as he gets tugged.

?Ooooo. Nice.? Chris had already grabbed the bomb from the top of the pyramid stack and was holding up to his face in study, letting it set softly on the finger tips as he turned his wrist to get a look on all sides. ?It?s got a good weight to it. Ya can really put some stink on this thing and throw it for some distance.? Starting a wind up like he was about to have a session of long toss but stopping before release. ?I like it! How about a demonstration? I wanna see what kind of damage this thing does. It?s like orange death or the like, an orange crush.?

He was tossing the orange bomb softly in the air when he looked back across the Atelier to the Intern. ?Chewie!?

?Ce qui?? He was looking past the index finger he held up in the air, now covered in pumpkin phlegm, towards Chris.

?Good god man! Do ya think ya can stop playing with the spit for a moment and find a bottle of shampoo with a blue label??

The Intern nodded, wiped the goo from his finger onto his pants then began to look around for the shampoo, all the while mumbling something about not getting to have any fun around here. Chris then waved the Caddy to come over and turned back to Elly, flashing a big smile, a butter-her-up-smile.

?About the payment, that is a very generous offer to give us half off; very generous. The problem is we are pretty much flat busted. I?ve been putting all my money back into RPS Enterprises, trying to get that off the ground, and well with all the spider monkeys killing the contractors, funds are low. The whole situation has become fubar. Now...? holding up a finger, a pause as if to say: Hear me out. ?I was thinking maybe we could make a trade of goods and services?

?For instance, free postal service. I mean ya have a shop way out here in the woods and I can deliver parcels to ya for free. It doesn?t matter that ya place is deep in the forest, we can still get em? out here to ya, that?s what the intern is for. Right, Chewie?? He gave a glance back over his shoulder to the intern.

?Oui??

?See? Also I was thinking maybe ya would like to join our little party and go on the journey to rid the realm of the spider monkeys with us? Ya would get equal share of any treasure or items we find of course, and for our part it never hurts to have some kind of badass witch on your side, especially a hotty like yourself. Not to mention that even as we speak those little blue bastard are running around in your woods! And they multiply. Fast?like rabbits. Before ya know it they will own the forest and all your customers will be dead or blind.?

Chris paused again, smiling at her and lifting the brows. ?Or?? he was going to break out the big guns. ?I know someone who knows someone that knows someone who knows The Great Pumpkin and can get him to visit your pumpkin patch this year.? He was nodding, what he said was true. ?Ya heard me right?The Great Pumpkin.?

Chris listened quietly, nodding his head occasionally as his thumb and forefinger strummed at the tuft of hair beneath his lower lip, what the kids like to call a soul patch. He tried to get a word in edge wise a couple of times when a question came up but she was on to the next one before he could even open his mouth, so instead he just listened and smiled, nodded when required and allowed her to finish without trying to interrupt again. Once she was finished Chris waited a moment, lifting the gaze to her, both brows elevated slightly at the pin as she attached it thinking that must have been a pretty close race between her and Tara for the title. Another smile appeared, he was glad she was on his side.

He was happy to hear that money would not be an issue as well, being broke sucked but it was nice to be able to trade goods and services and it would help them both. She would probably double her income and he had another ally in the fight against the blue horde, another piece of the ka-tet. Plus there is candy involved and that is never a bad thing. As for the Great Pumpkin, he would explain later how she needs to fix up the pumpkin patch so that he will show up on that joyous night with presents (candy) for all the boys and girls.

?Ya are right about that, Amthy definitely would have a problem with getting a scar. It would be a terrible thing indeed. Terrible.? He said with a chuckle and emphatic nod, it was something he wouldn?t want to be around for. With that he turned and looked at the Intern and pointed at the Scare-Pumpkin, ?Chewie. Grab the Pumpkin and bring him with ya outside, we are about to get a demonstration in pumpkin warfare.?

Chris then turned to the Caddy who was off in the corner scratching like crazy and staring back suspiciously at the pumpkin holding the shaving blade staring at him. ?Chris. I think that I have been poisoned and that thing is just waiting for me to die so he can carve me up.? He stopped scratching long enough to point at the freaky little pumpkin. ?Look at it! It just sits there, unmoving, waiting, like some kind of orange ball of death. Well he isn?t going to take me down that easy, not without a fight, no sir-re-bob.? He was pointing at the pumpkin again, ?Do you hear me? Not without a fight! What is this some kind of pumpkin karma thing? Revenge for all the pumpkins I?ve carved in my lifetime? Well I?m sorry alright! I?m sorry I ever? Damn! Why am I so itchy??

Chris was shifting his gaze between the Caddy and the pumpkin, which was pretty creepy looking by the way, as he listened to McDoodles go on and on. Finally he shrugged, ?I dunno man." Of course Chris was lying, he knew exactly why the Caddy was itching so much, he just didn?t want to tell him that he would soon be werewolf hairy and dyed blue like a spider monkey. He didn?t want to tell him this because then he would have to tell him why and that would lead to more unpleasantness of which there was just no time for now. ?Listen, we are going outside for a demonstration so why don?t ya chill out in here for a bit and keep an eye on the place. Oh and, clean up that mess ya made in the corner.?

?I didn?t make that?? The Caddy stopped; Chris had already turned and was heading out the door so his attentions went back to scratching and staring down the crazy pumpkin.

When he got outside Chris slipped on the shades and took in a deep breath before letting it out with an audible sigh. Even though spring has nearly sprung, the nights were still cool, crisp, and it felt good to take it into the lungs. It felt clean. ?Sup y?all.? He looked to his right where Chewie was standing with his shades on and the Pumpkin tucked beneath an arm, staring out into the darkness for any of the blue plague. Next he turned to the Witch and nearly gave out a cry as he saw her, ?Oh shite Elly! Good god where are ya shades?? He was fumbling in his pocket for another pair and quickly handed them to her. ?Put these on before ya get ya eyes eatin? and ya ain?t a hotty no more.

?Aight. Is everyone ready? Let?s see what these bad boys can do then we will have ourselves a little palaver and then get ready for the journey to the doorway of goo, or as I like to call it, The Dog.? With that Chris looked at the pumpkin bomb in his hand then over to the Witch with the biggest grin. ?Let?s boogie.?