It's... Complicated. It isn't about saving just me, Aquil. In fact, it's more about saving you then it is me. You've beaten your own darkness, but you have not yet tasted it from the depths of the Abyss...
There was something urgent and specific in her reference to him, a clear reminder of how close he'd danced with darkness himself, as if she knew, and did know, of his destruction of the village that had murdered his mentor. She continued to explain, hoping that every time she tried to tell him, things would be one step closer to closure for this nightmare, once and for all.
We've been here before, Aquil.. many times, even though you think it's only your first. It's not ... not for me. Sure... it can be expelled from me, but not without horrible consequences. Just simply kill me and the Abysmal Evil will flood from me like all the gates of every hell knocked off its hinges, wide open and flowing into the world, into you ... and you will succumb and lead the way to the destruction of everything... this world and anything connected. That's what happened the first time we went through this ... been fighting it ever since.
It's the strangest feeling, the sensation of d?j? vu felt twice over. Even as she speaks, he can feel it - the Force, a touch of it opening his mind to memories he both has and has not experienced, little random snatches that fit in perfectly with what she's saying.
It never occurs to him to question it for even a moment. Even as she reaches out to him, his hand finds hers, their fingers interlacing as though they had been dear to each other for years.
For her, he realizes, it very well could be.
He senses that protection weakening, the warning, the fear and urgency in her eyes, and in that moment he wants nothing more than to take her from here, to protect her...to fight for her, even to die for her.
Not as he would any other...this feeling is borne out of much more than a mere sense of duty, for with the feeling comes a sense of fierceness, a fire he had not felt since being very, very much younger, in a different time and place, though there is no darkness to accompany it this time.
We don't have much time. You have to destroy this body, all my connections to my soul have to be severed in order to free me of it. You have to destroy the copies first or the Evil will loop back through them again. They are why you fell the first time, though they are the means the time loop was first drawn because at that point you sought to destroy me entirely instead of saving me. We come closer to solving this every time we go through this, I think, but it's not over. I hope Alex sensed this. I hope he protects Lyndra. The Evil seeks her, too. She's the Avatar to Sharilis. If she finds her.... If the evil breaks her... Aquil... there will be nothing to protect me from it, or her or anyone.
Those words bring a rush of denial. How can he do it? Knowing what he knows, knowing the spark - the very powerful, bright ember - of light that remains here? His own hand comes up to caress her cheek in this vision, a tender touch that reveals to her everything he knows, everything he's seen, though she no doubt knows it all already - the Force vision at the memorial park in which his body now sits, safe and far from where they now touch in mind and spirit, the flash of understanding, the deep core of him and his own darkness that allows him to relate so deeply to her.
How could he bring himself to kill someone so...
Aquil, Lyndra must be protected!
Even as she told him, she saw the mistake it had been the first time they'd gone through this .... A flash of his memory came to her. It wasn?t taken, it just happened as it did every time. It was of the connection he'd had with everything before, the quick mental image of Lyndra and Voec in the midst of a tender moment and through that the sense of their surroundings.
It would be enough that Sha?uri knew where they were and knew the Evil would discover it as it had done before. As of yet, she hadn't figured a way around that one. But this was a new time, another chance.
In this time, she could do something to give Lyndra a fighting chance. She gave an image of her own memory to Aquil.
The memory of their conversation here from the time before, slightly different from the way this was turning out to be. When the conversation had ended before, Aquil had tried to make it to the moon with his fighter in time to save Lyndra himself ... but this time Sha'uri showed him how he had failed that attempt in the past. He would be too late. One of the copies would've gotten to her and as Aquil arrived She would vanish with Lyndra laughing at his efforts ...
This was Sha?uri?s warning to him not to go that way this time. He would never make it in time to save Lyndra.
There are too many things here, too many contradictions. Knowing what he knows, how can he just...turn away...how can he not go to save the person that needs it most, to protect the one before him...?
His hand leaves hers as they stare into each other's eyes, both hands resting against her cheeks now. Even as the tears bloom in his eyes, looking into hers, he feels something in himself stir, warm and sweet, and yet at the same time painful. He would gladly give his own life to protect hers, no matter the cost if he can save her, this beautiful woman that has managed to stir so much in a touch, in a memory or two...
The coppery eyes close, the tears spilling over at the thought of ending her life. Sha'uri...please...don't ask me to...I...I can't...
The memory that takes him next rocks him to his very core.
He sees two visions at once - one of utter destruction, chaos, a world destroyed and ruled by darkness, stripped of life, devoured by evil.
And in the other, he sees life. Hope. A future. A world made whole, and, for the very first time, his place in it - a temple that reminds him so strongly of the one he remembers from Ossus, grand and yet somehow simple. A place for this long lost, far-flung Jedi to begin bringing his life, lessons, and teachings that he has learned from so very many to a whole new place that has never completely known it.
Fresh grief brings new tears, even as he realizes what the vision had meant, what Sha'uri had been saying all along.
The first vision hadn't been showing him a world ruined by her, or rather, by her evil self...
...it had shown him the ruin he himself would bring, should things not be done differently this time.
Pain etches every word that she hears from him, the sorrow and reluctance clearly outlined in every quietly uttered word, and it is not until he has said the last one that he finally opens his eyes and looks back into hers.
I...I promise you, Sha'uri...I will do what you ask of me, when the time comes...I will...be the one to...kill you.
There could never have been two more difficult words for him to say than those. He can feel the weight of them like a physical thing, but he says them...and means them.
Alex will probably not be happy with his knowledge of what will happen to Lyndra and Aquil's failure to at least try to stop it, given the knowledge he has. Some may even think he was manipulated by the evil in Sha'uri now, may question whether he can truly be trusted.
With one, perhaps two exceptions amongst them all, they wouldn't understand - Aquil has been to the depths of darkness, and knows what it feels like.
And he feels nothing like it from this vision before him.
What comes next is borne of a strange impulse, and where it comes from he doesn't know, or care to question. That stirring of feeling, yes, and the want, the need to seal this promise with something...and to let her know that he does, indeed, intend to do as she asks.
His hands at her cheeks tilt her face tenderly up to hers as he leans in close, touching his lips to hers, a soft, tender, bittersweet kiss.