Abby was amusing herself in her new digs; wallpapering with the local newspaper and watching some weird sattelite news feed from some other world...on mute. She stood atop a rickety stool, tippy-toeing and nearly falling on her rump.

The final piece was pasted, phew. No more blank walls to stare at her and mock her. Now it was a myriad of words, pictures, and a slurring of editorials; a glimpse, if you will, into her own mind.

She knew no one noticed her, nor paid a damn about it her here, and that was okay. She was able to move throughout the Inn and Common room unnoticed and ignored.

Turning off the small box that broadcasted the latest drivel from the locals, she layed down on her already newspapered floor, and slept. Abby was content. For now.

He keeps looking at me with his groping, watching eyeballs: gross!
We women, we are supposed to just drop our eyes and be quiet.
Just don't look at the gross, gross man and hope he quits ogling.

Believe it or not, I want to flip him the bird ya know?

But I don't, cuz we women don't. once I gave the finger to a bunch of
construction dudes, but they were yelling really bad stuff about my "cookie."
It just got 'em all riled up, and then they yelled, "Lessie!"
and I had PMS so I cried all the way home.

Gross, gross man still gawking as I sit here writing... what's he thinking?
Gee, maybe i'll invite him up to my sex den and he can fondle my boobies...
yeah, right!

Stupid gross man, quit staring! Gosh, he just won't let up.
It makes me feel really uncomfortable I wish I could just crawl under a rock!
'cuz we women are supposed to just feel bad about ourselves:
like we're doing something wrong. I'm not! I swear!
Being "we women" sucks sometimes.

Valentine's Day For The Love-Lost And Jilted

10 GREAT WAYS TO CELEBRATE SINGLE-HOOD

The Newly Single (or Soon-to-be Single) Person?s Guide to a Great Valentine?s Day
Edited by Madelyn Miller, the TravelLady

Paul Simon?s famous song says ?there must be fifty ways to leave your lover,? but actually lists only lists five. ?They say that breaking up is hard to do,? sang the Partridge Family, but these B&Bs make Valentine?s Day a little easier for jilted lovers and the 89 million single people living in America today.

1. Best place to say ?sayonara? -- Austin Folk House, Austin, TX: Just about every inn has a romance package, but this inn also features an ?unromantic? package, better known as ?I?m dumping you?. This tongue-in-cheek promotion includes everything from ?crappy beer? to street vendor roses ? all designed to say ?I don?t care anymore?.

2. Best place to celebrate being single -- Laurel Hill B&B, Atlanta, GA: No need to worry about being single here; there?s plenty to do with downtown Atlanta and the entertainment districts of Decatur, Little Five Points, and Virginia Highlands within five miles. Best of all, single rates start at $105 for every room and suite in the inn, some with whirlpool tubs to soak your cares away. Who needs him/her when there are teddy bears to hug and nightlife right out the door?

3. Best place to drown your sorrows -- 1811 House, Manchester, VT: Wander into the 1811 House Pub if you feel the need to forget about him/her, and you'll find one of the most exceptional watering holes along with the widest selection of single malt whiskies in New England and probably the U.S. Those who prefer wine, beer or other spirits will find a full complement of those, too. If innkeeper/owner Bruce Duff is around you?ll never be lonely; he?ll regale you with stories and entice you with recommendations for the best single malts.

4. Best place to forget about him/her -- Avenue Inn B&B, New Orleans: Take advantage of the ?Breaking Up is Hard to Do, But I?ll Get Over Him? package, where farewell recovery-time is estimated at one fun-filled New Orleans weekend. This package includes three night?s accommodations in a quaint room that will accommodate you and a platonic friend in two beds, along with two pints of Ben & Jerry?s ice cream and a voodoo doll with permanent marker to indelibly blazon his or her name, pins included. A copy of ?He?s Just Not That Into You?; best seller by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo is also included along with shopping coupons, massages, the Southern Comfort Cocktail tour, and much more make this the perfect way to spend Valentine?s Day or another weekend forgetting about your ?ex.?

5. Best place to pamper yourself when (s)he won?t ?

For gals -- Captain Lindsey House, Rockland, ME: Take advantage of the Girls Only Pamper Weekend, designed to offer the ?Valentine-less? something to brag about at the water cooler on Monday. February 9-11, 2007, open the inn?s red door and ladies will find pure indulgence from massages to pedicures and chocolates, beer tastings and even take-out food. No boys are allowed, so ladies, grab a girlfriend and forget the lack of romantic boyfriends or husbands in your life. This two-night package includes premier accommodations, breakfasts, choice of massage or facial, pedicure, wine and brew tasting, all topped off with ?love on the rocks? -- locally made chocolates.

For guys ? Allaire Timbers Inn, Breckenridge, CO: Come here if you want to make a pass or stay in a room named after one?mountain passes that is. This rugged all-log inn is anything but rustic. Close to Breckenridge?s Main Street, fabulous skiing is around the corner by day and hot tubs and river rock fireplaces are here by night. The nightlife of Breckenridge is just a stumble down the hill, offering great options for a guy?s getaway.

6. Best place to get on with your life - The Verandas, Wilmington, NC: Take a four-diamond inn and combine it with spoil-you-rotten hospitality, great restaurants, nightlife within walking distance and nearby beaches, and you have the formula for a satisfying ?get on with your life? getaway. From the hand-ironed linens to the garden-sized soaking tubs, this inn offers the perfect respite for the wounded heart.

7. Best place to throw the ring back -- Casa Laguna Inn & Spa, Laguna Beach, CA: If you?re really, really sure it?s over forever, pitch the ring into the Pacific. Then, gently renew not only your spirits but your skin with an invigorating Papaya Salt Glow Scrub at the in-house spa. Spend the rest of your getaway healing the heartache with luxurious surroundings, gourmet breakfasts, exquisite scenery, and artful amenities. .

8. Best place to sleep in separate beds -- Boston Yacht Haven, Boston, MA: Located at the end of Commercial Wharf, in the heart of Boston?s trendy North End and surrounded by views of Boston?s harbor and cityscape, you could be sleeping on the couch (again???) and still be happy. This B&B offers rooms with two queen-size beds, leather couches, big screen TVs and Boston?s attractions all within walking distance. Balconied rooms overlook Boston Harbor and the marina surrounding the B&B -- the ideal platonic getaway.

9. Best place to get out of the doghouse if you reconsider ? Woodstock Inn, Independence, MO: This B&B is located in Independence, but if you decide you don?t want yours, consider this inn?s ?Honey, I?m Really, Really Sorry? package. Featuring a teddy bear holding your ?fill in the blanks? letter of repentance, bubble bath to wash away the regrets in the double whirlpool spa tub, and a CD of songs of love and remorse, plus champagne and more, this two-night package will do just about everything short of holding the olive branch for you, for just under $60 plus the cost of the suite.

10. Best place to get the cold shoulder ? Ambrosia House, Key West, FL: If the conversation turns cold, at least the winds will always blow warm in Key West. Privacy is the key to this inn, offering the ideal setting for those needing a little of their own. Suites and cottages with come complete with balconies and private entrances to make a break if you really need some time alone to brood. And when you kiss and make up, the romantic amenities will come in handy too.

Madelyn Miller is a food and travel writer who loves being single. She goes everywhere she wants and no longer worries about people who snore.

((I didn't write any of this one folks, but I thought is was a riot and had to share. Well, at least in theory. I'm pretty sure I am the only one that reads any of my stuff, but oh well! How many of us haven't at one time or another NEEDED one of these places?))

I posted your card today, my old friend. I sent it on it's way with well wishes and caviar dreams. The address was smudged, a bit like our rocky road was.

I sat in a coffee shop today, my old friend. I was complimented and sought after. I had the urge to call you, but didn't. Must play by my own rules, right?

Happy Valentine's day, to you, my old friend. I don't know if you read any of my ramblings, but your in them today. May the Goddess of love have shined upon you, finally. May the mead fall from the heavens on your wedding day. May flowers in Spring sing her name, and the rain force you both to go running for cover, giggling and kissing like high school kids.

Best wishes for you, my lost friend, from one who is truly lost.

Tattoos. I love tattoos! I think I'm addicted.

I saw his last night, for the first time. I giggled like a school girl and traced it with my newly manicured nails. Guess what it was! C'mon, guess!

Give up? It was a dragon. How perfect is that?!

I won't tell you where it is. It's private!

Oh, okay. You twisted my arm. It's on his back. Way wicked, and I wanted to stare at it all night, but that sorta creeped him out, so I pretended to be joking.

I want another tattoo. Anyone have any ideas? I think I'm addicted.

Addicted to his smile, his rough touch, and his deep voice. He sings to me, you know. No one has ever sung to me before, not just for me.

He smells faintly of Lava soap and motor oil when we meet for lunch. His jeans are grubby, but his face and hair and hands are always freshly scrubbed, smelling of glycerin and cars.

He draped his leather over me last night, sinking into that cow hide and man smell. We drank cup after cup of coffee and I still haven't been to sleep. I think it's the lust in my system.

She called me this morning, in tears again. Told me to make up my mind. I think I already have.

Dear Diary,

He called me again. You know who I am talking about, The Guy. I sit here typing as he takes care of a customer, he works today. I wonder if he ever reads any of this? Probably not, although he knows it's here.

She called me again, too. You know, The Girl. I know she reads this because she cries about it every day.

I cried again, today. I miss him. I heard his voice just yesterday, and it was fine. I wonder if I will ever see him again?

It's nearly what would have been our anniversary. I wonder if I will cry then, too.

I have the urge to paint, today. Not the simple, lady-like pastels, but with bold, strong strokes. Dark shadows and perfect depth of feel. I took the camera out with me on my daily walk and captured a ray of sun streaming through a break in the clouds. It turned out perfect, I had forgotten that the film was black and white.

I am in a very film noir sort of mood, right now. I wish I had someone to talk to, besides you, my dear Diary. I wish I had a best friend, one that was open minded and sane. I wish I had someone who would bring my head back down out of the clouds, but be tremendously happy for me instead of trying to guilt me or make me feel miserable about everything. I wish people could just be happy for me. Why do people pout and whine so much?

I should talk. I pout and whine worse than anyone. Oh well, I guess that's what I get. But you know, if she were to find someone, I would be ecstatic and help her pick out her dress and do her hair and offer to do her nails! I can be a girl, too. He brings it out in me.

I have to go. Time to make dinner. Talk to you later, dear Diary. Thank you for listening and making me feel like sh*t for being happy.

Well, it's that time again. Time for misunderstandings and grave mistakes. Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, you always end up in the dog house? Even when you haven't really done anything? Like, no matter what you say or do, your friend finds some reason to be pissed off at you.

I'm kinda tired of it. So, I have a solution! I am sewing my lips shut. Yes! You heard me right! I'm developing a new form of reconstructive surgery for the perpetual offender. I don't know what to call it yet, but I am having it done. It will sew the lips shut of anyone who seems to always end up in trouble, no matter how hard they try to be a good person. I think it will be most effective for those suffering from "Foot in Mouth" disease, as well.

I know, I know, your thinking..."Why such a drastic move?" Well, this way, when I don't say anything at all anymore, I can't be accused of being rude, ignoring people, or anything like that. I can point to the sewn shut lips as if to say, "Look! It's not that I don't want to talk to you, I can't!"

Problem solved. Or...maybe not. Maybe I will just become a hermit crab. Yes! I will move far away from all civilization, forsaking all friends, family, and luxeries such as running water and an indoor toilet. I will live off the land, pee behind bushes, and speak to nature only! Yes, converse with the little creatures and eat what I can forage.

So, if some day you are out hiking in the wilderness and come across a woman clothed in poison ivy and eating those little berries that cause you to hallucinate and amp you up like ten cups of expresso, don't stop and talk to me, please. Especially if I am deep in debate with a chipmunk. I wouldn't want to make a faux pas!

Someone named Sera got flowers today. What a nice thing to do! They were beautiful. I wonder who Sera is...

Tonight, tonight, tonight is the ball! I am looking forward to it.

::Abby hummed away as she bathed, combed and dried her hair, and readied herself for the ball. Her dress stood in the corner, ready for her. Borrowed paste jewels hung about her neck, and a large, fake emerald ring hung heavy on her index finger. She loved it, and casually made a mental note to inquire about buying the ring. Abby sat before a her mirror and carefully applied sublte make-up. She performed a slight shifting spell to her eyes, making them appear more human. Her usual pupil-less eyes would giver her away, and were often disturbing to people. Tonight, she looked human. Tonight, Abby actually looked quite beautiful.::

I hate jerks. I was in the Red Dragon the other day, and this total A$$ scared me to death. What was worse?? He thought it was FUNNY!! Jerk.

So now, I have no choice but to go incognito around the bar, for fear that he will try to trap me in that place again. I mean, really, the guy could obviously read my mind (withOUT permission, I might add) and he for some stupid reason threw a watch into my hands. (I don't really know what the hell he thought I would do with a friggin' watch) And THEN he threw a bowl of cherries at me! So, being a fairly intelligent girl, I ran for the door.

You know what he did then? Do you wanna? He shut the lights out, locked the door, and wouldn't let me out!! I was petrified! And he thought it was FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, screw him. He's always there, now, but I have fooled everyone. No one will know it is me in my welding helmet!! Muuahahahaha!

Or, maybe they will. But it doesn't matter. At least this way I don't have to look at the jerk. He his making a huge mistake, though. NEVER F*CK WITH CRAZY PEOPLE!!

I'll get him back. Just you wait.