The clubhouse came alive at night and the Harpie Clan of Wayward Girls were out and about. It was playtime.

There was a rustle in the branches of the trees that surrounded the clearing as the two men bumbled there way into it, lost and momentarily disappointed at what they found. The Forsaken Blades? Clubhouse was indeed no ?boobie bar,? although its inhabitants were not always inhibited by clothing and the RPS Guy had once performed a rather lovely strip tease for them all in the old clubhouse. Now, though, the rooms were dark inside, and there was neither hair nor hint of a Harpie to be seen.

That is unless one counted the persistent rustling in the trees and bushes, the occasional muffled giggle, and finally a little gasp when one of the men pulled out their ?paint brush? and someone?s indignant outburst in reply, covered up by smartly by the hand of another Harpie?s over the indignant one?s mouth. All of this took place under the cover of the men?s chatter.

Despite the obvious presence of someone or something in the woods around the building, it seemed like the men were going to go on, unchallenged, in their desecration of the most infamous clubhouse in RhyDin. That is until both were just about ready to start ?painting? their names.

When both paintbrushes were out and ready to be taken to the palate, there was an even greater rustling in one of the trees nearest the men before--tahdah! Jewell suddenly burst forth from her hiding place amongst the leaves to stand on the edge of a branch. Only it wasn?t really Jewell. Oh no, this was actually Warrior Princess Ikvania who just happened to look like Jewell, covered in war paint and some home-sewn leaf bikini that was possibly made out of poison ivy leaves. Warrior Princess Ikvania obviously was not aware of this slight problem with her wardrobe but she did stop, before making her grand speech, to itch at her side-boob and mumble something unflattering about her outfit. Then she was all business once more, pointing her acorn gun at the two men.

Sure, she had recognized them the second they had entered the clearing and when they had started talking, their accents had left little doubt as to who they were. She also recognized their individual paintbrushes, too. That mattered not! An intruder was an intruder and these intruders were about to commit a particularly heinous act. They must be stopped! Though, the ?stopping? had been delayed a moment as Tara had once more gawked at Stephen?s ?paintbrush,? her eyes doubling in size when she saw that Robert?s surpassed his in?well, in some ways! Their fearless leader had then wanted to change the kind of ?attack? that they would execute on the two men, to which The Empress had stubbornly put her foot down and marched out to apprehend them before any other objections could be raised. She figured they could get out the nets and have their other fun after they pelted the guys with acorns.

?Trespassers! No one is allowed to walk the hallowed grounds of our hidden temple!? She shouted down at them before adjusting the strap of her poison ivy bikini once more and scowling for a moment at it. Then she cleared her throat and continued, ?The penalty for such trespassing is,? she gave a dramatic pause, ?castration!? Everyone could hear the objection hissed out at Jewell from the tree and see her flick an annoyed glance over her shoulder before she looked back at the men, ?Err.. Or something equally painful!?

She struck a pose that was stereotypical of Xena action figure boxes and as corny as could be, ?Prepare for your doom!?

Stephen couldn't help but roll his eyes at the appearance of Warrior Princess Ikvania. Robert was surprised as well, but not at all in a roll his eyes kinda way as he looked over Jewell in her leafy bikini.

"Jewellsie, I though' we's 'ad dun talked about this. Ikvania can only come out if'n ye are going tae let me go out dressed as Plundar the barbarian. An' really do ye thin' anyone would believe ye would castrate me?"

Stephen looked to Robert "Him tha' I would believe."

Just then Tara made her entrance, and drew the eyes of the Robert, Stephen being to busy checking out his sweeties side boob itching.

"Reach for the SKY!" Tara growled.

Robert smirked as he let go of his paintbrush, and put his hands over his head. Stephen, knowing Tara as he did naturaly ignored her.

Tara...do I really need to say all this?


"Yes, dear, what type of unwitting and helpless male captive would you be if you do not play along properly, hmm?" she asks and her eyes go directly to that loincloth of his.

As the color rises in her pale cheeks and she starts to pant, feel lightheaded and beg him to take her behind a bush or three she remembers the task at hand!

She clears her throat and gets up to approach Robert who seemed way more pliant than Captain Sissypants, his brother Stephen.

"Come, Botswanna Bill an' help me with this prisoner!" she says as serious as she can and then she gasps and looks to her leafy bikini.

"Jewelsie! Somefin dun crawled up muh bunghole 'gain!" and now she's flipping her head forward to peer up between her own legs.

Jewell watched her grand leader?s slick entrance and sighed. They really all needed to work on their balance issues. At least Tara redeemed herself with her growl, though, and Jewell nodded approvingly, also looking to see if the men were now frozen in fear.

They were definitely not.

She frowned as her husband addressed her so familiarly, even stamped her foot a little. He wasn?t playing along! Then she regained her cool, tossed back her blue hair (that was, by the way, mingled with leaves, twigs, and flowers), and stared him down. ?Jewellsie? I know no one by this name! I am Ikvania, one of the high priestesses, warrior princess, and guardian to this temple! And you are not Plundar the Barbarian, you are an interloper!?

?As for castration?? she didn?t get any further than that, what between Cor?s grand entrance and her eyes gravitating towards Stephen?s ?paintbrush.? Whatever she had been about to say, flew out of her lustful little head and she actually?why yes, I think that was a bit of drool that was forming at the corner of her mouth.

Castration? Whoever thought of that ridiculous punishment? She was about to name several different forms of torture, none of which were actually torture but a few would require rope and hand tying, when somefin dun crawled up Tara?s bunghole??gain. The last time this happened, it was disastrous! They had to take Tara to a female doctor, whose head she practically took off when she told her to remove her clothes and put her feet up in those stirrups, and later they had to get her to take a bath.

The Empress sighed.

?Botswanna Bill! You must help our fearless leader and Queen of the Warrior Princesses remove whatever just happened to crawl up her bunghole. I will handle the prisoners,? nodding, her eyes gravitating back towards Stephen again. However, again her attention was distracted by Robert and his story. ?Ew! This is why I am never traveling on your ship, Robert Kidd. That is absolutely unsanitary!?

Ignoring the fact that it just might be the most unwise thing she ever did--who in their sane mind would arm a wiggling Tara who wanted to shoot something out of her bunghole?--Jewell stepped over to her fearless leader, picked up the acorn gun, and held it out to the wiggling, giggling, red head.

"Aim true, Tara. Aim true."