Dearest Female Guildies,
It was recently brought to my attention when I was visiting the Dragon Red that the season has changed once more and that by wearing my black muumuu that I was not exactly ushering it in with style.
Also, and this really has nothing to do with this memorandum, I just feel like telling you, reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated and the mass cards were a nice touch. Nick stacked them into a House of Cards of sorts and set fire to them while dancing with me in the nude all while our nosy neighbors, upon seeing us, reported us to the local authorities. Needless to say the constable did not taste nearly as yummy as vampire cohorts of mine have speculated. I would liken it to old shoe.
Ahem.
I digress..
I have taken some money from Nick, when he wasn't looking, and purchased an entire Summer wardrobe the likes of which your own money pouches could never compete with.
Being the most beautiful woman in Rhy'Din comes with a high price and I am not about to disappoint my fans now. My husband has expensive tastes as well and likes for me to look my best always, particularly when ex-schoolmates of his that used to taunt him, drop by the cabin, almost always unannounced, and he fancies getting even with them.
Their wives and insignificant others are most closely compared with overbloated warthogs and their perfume stinks the high heavens and I find myself spending weeks just airing the cabin out because of them.
Because most of you girlies are somewhat beautiful but not nearly as beautiful as I, I suspect each of you have Summer attire to wear as well. I would never wish to stunt your fashionable growth so I am not going to prevent you from looking your best either, all I ask is that you do not steal my thunder.
I've come up with a list of outfits that I ask you do not wear out in public. as it would put us in direct competition with one another. By no means is my wardrobe limited to this list, it is just to give you a general idea.
Withour further ado, Do NOT wear the following:
1. White, freshly clubbed, baby RhyDinian mongoose fur .
2. Neon green tutus and black combat boots.
3. Multi-colored RhyDinian Peacock feathered gloves.
4. Any colored muumuu with deep pockets for storing weapons such as one's wristrocket, model BFWR 421 with a fast-action sling.
5. Purple dresses that are slit up to mid-thigh on the side for easy access.
6. Amalgamated potato sacks that leave everything up to the imagination. (Note: I do not yet know what the word "amalgamated" means, I just put it in there as an adjective because it sounded groovy.)
7. Paisley short-sets that have coordinated socks and hair ribbons.
8. Red PVC bodygloves that are sure to make the men drool. (I have two and just because I'm pregnant and have a <censored> of a time fitting in them doesn't mean I don't plan on trying.)
9. Pink feather boas and yellow galoshes.
And finally....
10. Any painted-on outfit that can be done rather quickly with an artist's stroke of a paintbrush when all the clothes are in the river being washed by the "help" and an eight foot reticulated python draped casually around one's neck as an accent.
Having said that, I trust your individual judgment and hope you don't disappiont me.
In other news, the Bugberry Cafe is closed until futher notice due in part to the RhyDinian Moonbird nest that was set up there sometime in the last couple of days and because my cockroach supply has all but spoiled because of that freak flash flood we had.
I don't know if any of you are yet aware of this but I felt the need to inform you. Do not go near the Cafe as Moonbirds are notorious for pecking out the eyes of those going near their abodes.
I have an extermination team being sent from North RhyDin who assure me that the Moonbirds will be taken care of but until they get there, we are helpless to watch our money-maker stagnate.
Here's to hoping they all die.
Quickly.
Fondest regards,
Your Grand Commander
It was recently brought to my attention when I was visiting the Dragon Red that the season has changed once more and that by wearing my black muumuu that I was not exactly ushering it in with style.
Also, and this really has nothing to do with this memorandum, I just feel like telling you, reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated and the mass cards were a nice touch. Nick stacked them into a House of Cards of sorts and set fire to them while dancing with me in the nude all while our nosy neighbors, upon seeing us, reported us to the local authorities. Needless to say the constable did not taste nearly as yummy as vampire cohorts of mine have speculated. I would liken it to old shoe.
Ahem.
I digress..
I have taken some money from Nick, when he wasn't looking, and purchased an entire Summer wardrobe the likes of which your own money pouches could never compete with.
Being the most beautiful woman in Rhy'Din comes with a high price and I am not about to disappoint my fans now. My husband has expensive tastes as well and likes for me to look my best always, particularly when ex-schoolmates of his that used to taunt him, drop by the cabin, almost always unannounced, and he fancies getting even with them.
Their wives and insignificant others are most closely compared with overbloated warthogs and their perfume stinks the high heavens and I find myself spending weeks just airing the cabin out because of them.
Because most of you girlies are somewhat beautiful but not nearly as beautiful as I, I suspect each of you have Summer attire to wear as well. I would never wish to stunt your fashionable growth so I am not going to prevent you from looking your best either, all I ask is that you do not steal my thunder.
I've come up with a list of outfits that I ask you do not wear out in public. as it would put us in direct competition with one another. By no means is my wardrobe limited to this list, it is just to give you a general idea.
Withour further ado, Do NOT wear the following:
1. White, freshly clubbed, baby RhyDinian mongoose fur .
2. Neon green tutus and black combat boots.
3. Multi-colored RhyDinian Peacock feathered gloves.
4. Any colored muumuu with deep pockets for storing weapons such as one's wristrocket, model BFWR 421 with a fast-action sling.
5. Purple dresses that are slit up to mid-thigh on the side for easy access.
6. Amalgamated potato sacks that leave everything up to the imagination. (Note: I do not yet know what the word "amalgamated" means, I just put it in there as an adjective because it sounded groovy.)
7. Paisley short-sets that have coordinated socks and hair ribbons.
8. Red PVC bodygloves that are sure to make the men drool. (I have two and just because I'm pregnant and have a <censored> of a time fitting in them doesn't mean I don't plan on trying.)
9. Pink feather boas and yellow galoshes.
And finally....
10. Any painted-on outfit that can be done rather quickly with an artist's stroke of a paintbrush when all the clothes are in the river being washed by the "help" and an eight foot reticulated python draped casually around one's neck as an accent.
Having said that, I trust your individual judgment and hope you don't disappiont me.
In other news, the Bugberry Cafe is closed until futher notice due in part to the RhyDinian Moonbird nest that was set up there sometime in the last couple of days and because my cockroach supply has all but spoiled because of that freak flash flood we had.
I don't know if any of you are yet aware of this but I felt the need to inform you. Do not go near the Cafe as Moonbirds are notorious for pecking out the eyes of those going near their abodes.
I have an extermination team being sent from North RhyDin who assure me that the Moonbirds will be taken care of but until they get there, we are helpless to watch our money-maker stagnate.
Here's to hoping they all die.
Quickly.
Fondest regards,
Your Grand Commander