October 03
So this is an exercise in grief management. The hospital provided these counselors to 'help' us once we found out about mom. I'm not grieving. I'm numb. Okay, so we found out that mom's got cancer. Mom's going to die. How is writing supposed to help? This is stupid.
December 15
Yeah, I got a lecture. Told the counselor straight up that writing was stupid and that I wasn't going to do it. He's cute when he's trying to convince me that it's okay to embrace my grief. I am not fucking grieving! People die. Mom's in pain. Let her go. I don't have to cry. It's just not me. I never have. Does that mean I'm somehow broken?
December 22
Another damn lecture. Told him to shut up and that I wasn't coming back. I have better things to do. If he wanted to talk to me, he could call me and maybe we could go do dinner. He just stared. He's real cute when he's surprised. Sammy put together a Christmas party for the family. I'm not sure how many will come. Most of the kids flew once they were able to. Not many seemed to want to stay. A few did, like Sammy. I'm still around but hell, she's my mom. I'm the blood kid.
December 26
Christmas was nice. Almost the whole brood showed up. Talk about a surprise. Sammy was all over it. I ended up in my room though. Too many people. It was like growing up. I don't begrudge them having mom's time. She helped them right? But I was always on the outside. Too much talking. Too many people in my space.
January 03
He called. He apologized for not calling sooner but the holidays got in the way. My turn to be surprised. Going to have dinner. Interesting. And here I thought he was married.
January 05
Stupid fuck! He called just so we could go talk in a 'less threatening' environment. I didn't even order, just left. He followed me. I hit him in the parking lot. Put him right on his ass. It felt good but not good enough. I had to pull it or I would have taken his damn head off. I ended up in jail though. Assault. Oh well. Heard about this club while I was in lock up. Going to check it out.
January 12
Not a bad place. Liked it. Didn't participate. Just needed to watch and get a feel for the place. Lots of hot bodies there, let me tell you. Especially this one. He was a maniac. Didn't approach him. Just watched from the sidelines. Maybe next time. Mom took a turn. It's like she's getting better. She's smiling a lot and says it doesn't hurt anymore. I'm glad but I'm not sure how long it will last. Sammy said I shouldn't say that. Sammy's too tied up in Mom though. He always was over protective of Mom. Probably because he was the last one in and she got him out of a really bad place.
January 25
Mom collapsed. Told Sammy 'told you'. We got into it. Juice had to get Sammy off. Juice knew I'd kick his ass if the little punk didn't leave me alone. Happy birthday to me, right? Yeah. Juice made me a cake at least. It looked good with Sammy's face plastered into it. Juice said that was no way to treat the cake. Sammy said it tasted good. We're all okay now.
January 31
Juice found this guy. She's all happy. He hurts Juice, I'll have to kill him. Nobody hurts my baby sister.
February 07
Was in jail again. Disorderly conduct. Juice came to get me. I told her it wasn't my fault but she doesn't believe me. Says I need to figure out my 'anger issues'. I told her I didn't have issues. She waved the release papers at me. So? Like she was trying to make a point or something.
February 12
Mom's doing okay. New treatments make her weak and throw up but she's starting to get a little better. Sammy's been a mess. Juice is not around much. The rest of the kids are off living their lives. Mom doesn't seem to mind it's just us three. She forgot my name the other day.
February 13
Juice's boyfriend got in a car accident. He's okay though. Messed up his car pretty bad. Juice wasn't with him. He was booked for DUI. I'll have to have a talk with him about that. Don't put Juice in a bad situation. Sammy said he'd take him. I'll have to work on Sammy. He can't take a kitten let alone Juice's boyfriend.
February 14
Mom died
February 15
Went to the club and worked out some. Feel a little better. Got to see that maniac guy. He's really hot. Didn't talk to him. He was busy. Maybe next time.
February 22
The family came in. It was strange. Everyone was quiet. There wasn't much of the old 'family' feel. Mom had a diary. They gave it to me since I was the only real 'kid' in the crew.
March 09
So yeah, mom's diary. She didn't have any real kids. Seems even I was adopted. Got me as a baby. I was the first. That's how come nobody new. She never said otherwise. I'm not sure what to feel right now. Going to the club.
May 23
Damn the diary. Seems that mom knew my parents. They came after her when I was six. The agency she used apparently sold stolen kids. Took years for them to track me down since they were from another country. Mom says she didn't know. They came with the cops. When they saw me, they decided that I was 'well adjusted' and then left me. They fucking left me! Mom said a part of her was sad but the rest was glad. She didn't want to lose me. Said in her diary she would have fought them to keep me - she didn't care who they claimed to be. Whatever, right? Mom's mom and that's that.
June 06
Juice is pregnant. Sammy's off on some 'mission to save the world'. The rest of the kids just sort of vapored. Don't know where they are or what they're doing. Don't really care. I don't need them anyway. Going to the club again.
June 30
Lots happened. Got a few good fights in at the club. The best one came two days later though. Ended up in jail again. Foreman came to bail me out. Juice wasn't around. Glad actually, she didn't need to be there in her condition. Sammy's back. He changed. He's quiet now. I couldn't figure it out. Took a week to find out he'd been in a bad place again. Talk about piss me off! I got the who and the where. Went to have a talk with the punks. Nobody died. Three guys wanted to by the time I was done though. Ended up in jail again. Managed to get Sammy to press charges. Juice is pretty mad at me. Oh well. Don't mess with my Sammy.
July 3
Charges against me got dropped when Sammy agreed to a deal to not press his own charges against the guys. I'm pissed. I would have taken it just to get the punks. Sammy said he didn't want to see me gone.
July 12
Going to the club. I'm done with this damn writing thing. There's no point to it.
July something
Don't have a calendar, sue me. I finally met maniac. Just .. wow.
So this is an exercise in grief management. The hospital provided these counselors to 'help' us once we found out about mom. I'm not grieving. I'm numb. Okay, so we found out that mom's got cancer. Mom's going to die. How is writing supposed to help? This is stupid.
December 15
Yeah, I got a lecture. Told the counselor straight up that writing was stupid and that I wasn't going to do it. He's cute when he's trying to convince me that it's okay to embrace my grief. I am not fucking grieving! People die. Mom's in pain. Let her go. I don't have to cry. It's just not me. I never have. Does that mean I'm somehow broken?
December 22
Another damn lecture. Told him to shut up and that I wasn't coming back. I have better things to do. If he wanted to talk to me, he could call me and maybe we could go do dinner. He just stared. He's real cute when he's surprised. Sammy put together a Christmas party for the family. I'm not sure how many will come. Most of the kids flew once they were able to. Not many seemed to want to stay. A few did, like Sammy. I'm still around but hell, she's my mom. I'm the blood kid.
December 26
Christmas was nice. Almost the whole brood showed up. Talk about a surprise. Sammy was all over it. I ended up in my room though. Too many people. It was like growing up. I don't begrudge them having mom's time. She helped them right? But I was always on the outside. Too much talking. Too many people in my space.
January 03
He called. He apologized for not calling sooner but the holidays got in the way. My turn to be surprised. Going to have dinner. Interesting. And here I thought he was married.
January 05
Stupid fuck! He called just so we could go talk in a 'less threatening' environment. I didn't even order, just left. He followed me. I hit him in the parking lot. Put him right on his ass. It felt good but not good enough. I had to pull it or I would have taken his damn head off. I ended up in jail though. Assault. Oh well. Heard about this club while I was in lock up. Going to check it out.
January 12
Not a bad place. Liked it. Didn't participate. Just needed to watch and get a feel for the place. Lots of hot bodies there, let me tell you. Especially this one. He was a maniac. Didn't approach him. Just watched from the sidelines. Maybe next time. Mom took a turn. It's like she's getting better. She's smiling a lot and says it doesn't hurt anymore. I'm glad but I'm not sure how long it will last. Sammy said I shouldn't say that. Sammy's too tied up in Mom though. He always was over protective of Mom. Probably because he was the last one in and she got him out of a really bad place.
January 25
Mom collapsed. Told Sammy 'told you'. We got into it. Juice had to get Sammy off. Juice knew I'd kick his ass if the little punk didn't leave me alone. Happy birthday to me, right? Yeah. Juice made me a cake at least. It looked good with Sammy's face plastered into it. Juice said that was no way to treat the cake. Sammy said it tasted good. We're all okay now.
January 31
Juice found this guy. She's all happy. He hurts Juice, I'll have to kill him. Nobody hurts my baby sister.
February 07
Was in jail again. Disorderly conduct. Juice came to get me. I told her it wasn't my fault but she doesn't believe me. Says I need to figure out my 'anger issues'. I told her I didn't have issues. She waved the release papers at me. So? Like she was trying to make a point or something.
February 12
Mom's doing okay. New treatments make her weak and throw up but she's starting to get a little better. Sammy's been a mess. Juice is not around much. The rest of the kids are off living their lives. Mom doesn't seem to mind it's just us three. She forgot my name the other day.
February 13
Juice's boyfriend got in a car accident. He's okay though. Messed up his car pretty bad. Juice wasn't with him. He was booked for DUI. I'll have to have a talk with him about that. Don't put Juice in a bad situation. Sammy said he'd take him. I'll have to work on Sammy. He can't take a kitten let alone Juice's boyfriend.
February 14
Mom died
February 15
Went to the club and worked out some. Feel a little better. Got to see that maniac guy. He's really hot. Didn't talk to him. He was busy. Maybe next time.
February 22
The family came in. It was strange. Everyone was quiet. There wasn't much of the old 'family' feel. Mom had a diary. They gave it to me since I was the only real 'kid' in the crew.
March 09
So yeah, mom's diary. She didn't have any real kids. Seems even I was adopted. Got me as a baby. I was the first. That's how come nobody new. She never said otherwise. I'm not sure what to feel right now. Going to the club.
May 23
Damn the diary. Seems that mom knew my parents. They came after her when I was six. The agency she used apparently sold stolen kids. Took years for them to track me down since they were from another country. Mom says she didn't know. They came with the cops. When they saw me, they decided that I was 'well adjusted' and then left me. They fucking left me! Mom said a part of her was sad but the rest was glad. She didn't want to lose me. Said in her diary she would have fought them to keep me - she didn't care who they claimed to be. Whatever, right? Mom's mom and that's that.
June 06
Juice is pregnant. Sammy's off on some 'mission to save the world'. The rest of the kids just sort of vapored. Don't know where they are or what they're doing. Don't really care. I don't need them anyway. Going to the club again.
June 30
Lots happened. Got a few good fights in at the club. The best one came two days later though. Ended up in jail again. Foreman came to bail me out. Juice wasn't around. Glad actually, she didn't need to be there in her condition. Sammy's back. He changed. He's quiet now. I couldn't figure it out. Took a week to find out he'd been in a bad place again. Talk about piss me off! I got the who and the where. Went to have a talk with the punks. Nobody died. Three guys wanted to by the time I was done though. Ended up in jail again. Managed to get Sammy to press charges. Juice is pretty mad at me. Oh well. Don't mess with my Sammy.
July 3
Charges against me got dropped when Sammy agreed to a deal to not press his own charges against the guys. I'm pissed. I would have taken it just to get the punks. Sammy said he didn't want to see me gone.
July 12
Going to the club. I'm done with this damn writing thing. There's no point to it.
July something
Don't have a calendar, sue me. I finally met maniac. Just .. wow.