If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....
> >
> > Deer Santa,
> > I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all
> > yeer. Yer Friend, Billy
> >
> > Dear Billy,
> > Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How
> > about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm
> > giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
> > Santa
> >
> > ************************************************** ***
> > Dear Santa,
> > I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
> > peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
> >
> > Dear Sarah,
> > Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa
> >
> >
> > ************************************************** **
> > Dear Santa,
> > I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
> > mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
> > Love, Teddy
> >
> > Dear Teddy,
> > Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
> > hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
> > frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
> > dream. Let me send you some Legos instead. Santa
> >
> > ************************************************** **
> > Dear Santa,
> > I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog,
> > a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis
> >
> > Dear Francis,
> > Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set
> > you up with a Barbie. Santa
> >
> > ************************************************** **
> > Dear Santa,
> > I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
> > for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan
> >
> > Dear Susan,
> > Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face
> > when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a
> > bottle of Scotch. Santa
> > ************************************************** **
> > Dear Santa,
> > What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
> > toys? Your friend, Thomas
> >
> > Dear Thomas,
> > All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I
> > spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
> > drinking myself silly and squeezing the a$$es of cocktail waitresses
> > while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
> > Santa
> > ************************************************** **
> > Dear Santa,
> > Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
> > awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica
> >
> > Dear Jessica,
> > Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
> > skipping your house. Santa
> >
> > ************************************************** **
> > Dear Santa,
> > I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,
> > PLEASE could I have one? Love, Timmy
> >
> > Dear Timmy,
> > That whiney begging sh!t may work with your folks, but that crap
> > doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa
> >
> > ************************************************** **
> > Dearest Santa,
> > We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
> > Love, Marky
> >
> > Dear Mark,
> > First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
> > ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house; you live
> > in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
> > like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams,
> > Santa
