Topic: Been Afraid: Reprise

Charity Case

Date: 2009-08-13 12:32 EST
When I had an actual home I was an only child with very loving parents all to myself. Surprised? I really wish you wouldn't be. My Mother and Father cared for me very much and offered me nothing short of the world. I did well in school and participated in a few extra-curricular activities, mostly drama club. At night we ate dinner at the table discussing our days and sharing jokes. If I had to offer proof that the all-American dream existed, we were it.

I don't want to go into details, even after all these years I can't think about it. I don't want to. But to put it quite simply I lost everything in a fire. Everything. I don't know how I managed to get out and they didn't, but part of me always wishes I had just stayed in bed.

Since I was only a teenager they wanted to toss me into the system with a foster family. I didn't want that for myself. The system was for kids who were abused. Maybe their parents were druggies or simply didn't want them. One way or another they couldn't handle the responsibility. I didn't want to be lost amongst those kids. I was better than that. So I ran away and never looked back. I was intelligent. Self sufficient. I figured I would make my own life.

I didn't do so well.

Luckily, over time I stumbled across Tonio and his family. It took some work, some sweet talk, and some spine, but somehow I found my way into his family. I couldn't do the things he expected of the others, it wasn't in me, but I made myself useful in other ways. Over time I became his consigliere of sorts. His right-hand girl. What I lacked in muscle I made up in tactics and I was able to garner our little army a parachute of associates. I helped bring a system to the chaos and it wasn't easy, but I did it and no one could deny that. Life was good.

I've never had a sibling, but if I did I have think it would feel very similar to when Zoe came into our lives. You think nothing of it. There's even a bit of excitement. You want to teach them what you know. Share the world with them. Then, when they actually arrive and get settled in you realize what a horrible idea it was. You are suddenly forced to share the attention you were so used to enjoying on your own and it takes every fiber of your being to not forcibly take it back.

I honestly thought nothing of her that night when I brought her home, at most she would become an adequate soldier. She had a mouth on her but I figured Tonio would straighten that out quickly. For some insufferable reason he liked it. It made him laugh. Sure, he would press his thumb over her enough to keep her in line, but overall he allowed her enough freedom for her to retain that fire. No one else paid much attention to what happened between Zoe and Tonio, but I had seen it coming after only a few weeks. There was nothing I could do, like being caught in the path of a semi. When it became public amongst the family that they were dating everyone was surprised and pleased. Everyone except me.

I wasn't surprised and I was far from pleased.

Charity Case

Date: 2009-08-18 13:22 EST
Tonio and Zoe became inseparable. He directed the best in our family to train her even though she seemed like a lost cause. Most people would have simply been tossed back out onto the streets if they had nothing else to offer. Perhaps he was bored? Maybe he viewed her as a blob of play-doh he could mold and adjust to better fit his own tastes? I don't know. It didn't make sense to me then and it still doesn't now. But she followed him like a love sick puppy and he had no qualms over that. It was his own personal audience of unabated adoration twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. His little Bluebird, as he finally named her once he found out about her interest in music.

I wanted to puke.

I put up with this for more than two years. After all my hard work and what I had done for the Family I was brushed aside. No better than a no name Soldier. By someone I had brought into the household, no less! It was unjust, but I kept my mouth shut. Zoe was still too much of a loose cannon to stand by Tonio's side for long. I simply had to wait. I befriended her, became her confidant just as much as I had been to Tonio. It was horrible, but I was patient. I would act with my mind and not with my heart, that was what separated from the others.

You can barely imagine my surprise when the New Year was brought in with a bang. Tonio and Zoe had gone out to take a haul since holidays are the best for our line of work. Everyone is drunk and confused, the definition of shooting fish in a barrel. But hours after midnight it was only one set of boots that came thudding through the back window. According to Tonio, Zoe had left. She wanted nothing more to do with us. No one was to speak of her again.

The soldiers held doubts, but no one aired their concerns. If someone was blacklisted then that was settled, it was as if they were dead. But when a family is run like a mob people should realize that no one gets out alive. Each time someone in the past had been blacklisted it wasn't as if they were dead. They were. Every family has their deep dark secrets, ours was no different.

I wanted so badly to know all of the juicy details of what had happened that night, but that was between Tonio and the dearly departed. But nothing could stop me now from once again taking up my rightful place at Tonio's side. It was like I had never left, my steps falling right back in line with his. He knew I would never hold his little blue haired mistake over his head and he in turn accepted me with open arms. I was finally at peace after two years of watching Zoe fall into Tonio's lap and claim it as her own.

If only I had known my peace was to be interrupted by that damned girl refusing to rest in peace.