This refers to Erin's thoughts as she waits for Bastian to wake up the night after she kissed Gideon. It just reminded me of all the fears she's having regaurded to herself and that he can't really handle loving *her* not his idea of her.

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I?d be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing?s true and nothing?s right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can?t change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I?ll believe
Lie to me
But please don?t leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It?s try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I?ve shown you that I just don?t care
When I?m throwing punches in the air
When I?m broken down and I can?t stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I?ll believe
Lie to me
But please don?t leave


-Sheryl Crow.

This song was chosen for Bastian and Erin's first time. It was hard for both of them but turned out swingly. So, here is a song for them!

I can see it in your eyes,
And feel it your touch.
I know that you're scared,
But you've never been this loved.

It's a long shot baby,
Yeah I know it's true.
But if anyone can make it,
I'm betting on me and you.

Just keep on moving into me.
I know you're gonna see,
The best is yet to come.

Don't fear it now we're going all the way.
That sun is shining on a brand new day.
It's a long way down and it's a leap of faith,
But I'm never giving up,
Because I know we got a once in a lifetime love.

Everybody's looking for what we found.
Some wait their whole life,
And it never comes around

So don't hold back now just let go,
On all you've ever known.
You can put you're hand in mine.

Don't fear it now we're going all the way.
That sun is shining on a brand new day.
It's a long way down and it's a leap of faith,
But I'm never giving up,
Because I know we got a once in a lifetime love.

-Keith Urban

My love song to Erin... I really think it fits her.

She's Always a Woman

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe
And she'll take what you give her, as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
But she's always a woman to me

Oh-she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh-and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

Oh-she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh-and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
But she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me

-Billy Joel

This is what I listened to when writing the Sebastian letter and following post. It's by Ani Difranco.

Dilate


Life used to be life-like
Now its more like showbiz
I wake up in the night
And I dont know where the bathroom is
And I dont know what town Im in
Or what sky I am under
And I wake up in the darkness and i
Dont have the will anymore to wonder
Everyone has a skeleton
And a closet to keep it in
And your mine
Every song has a you
A you that the singer sings to
And youre it this time
Baby, youre it this time

When I need to wipe my face
I use the back of my hand
And I like to take up space
Just because I can
And I use my dress
To wipe up my drink
I care less and less
What people think
And you are so lame
You always dissapoint me
Its kind of like our running joke
But its really not funny
And I just want you to live up to
The image of you I create
I see you and Im so unsatisfied
I see you and I dialate

So Ill walk the plank
And Ill jump with a smile
If Im gonna go down
Im gonna do it with style
And you wont see me surrender
You wont hear me confess
cuz youve left me with nothing
But Ive worked with less
And I learn every room long enough
To make it to the door
And then I hear it click shut behind me
And every key works differently
I forget everytime
And forgetting defines me
Thats what defines me

When I say you sucked my brain out
The english translation
Is I am in love with you
And it is no fun
But I dont use words like love
cuz works like that dont matter
But dont look so offended
You know, you should be flattered
And I wake up in the night
In some big hotel bed
And my hands grope for the light
And my hands grope for my head
The world is my oyster
The road is my home
And I know that Im better
Off alone

This is the song I picture Erin seeing to every guy she falls into bed with...

"Gotta Have You" by The Weepies

Gray, quiet and tired and mean
Picking at a worried seam
Itry to make you mad at me over the phone.
Red eyes and fire and signs
I'm taken by a nursery rhyme
I want to make a ray of sunshine and never leave home

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No, nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you.

The road gets cold, there's no spring in the middle this year
I'm the new chicken clucking open hearts and ears
Oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
But green, it is also summer
And I won't be warm till I'm lying in your arms

I see it all through a telescope: guitar, suitcase, and a warm coat
Lying in the back of the blue boat, humming a tune...

Everyone else is doing it, I'm going to join in. :D This song made me think of Erin at one point. It's Vast's "Pretty When You Cry".

You're made of my rib bone baby
You're made of my sin
And I can't tell where your lust ends
And where your love begins

I didn't want to hurt you baby
I didn't want to hurt you
I didn't want to hurt you
But you're pretty when you cry

And the moon gives me permission
And I enter through her eyes
She's losing her virginity
And all her will to compromise

I didn't want to hurt you baby
I didn't want to hurt you
I didn't want to hurt you
But you're pretty when you cry

I didn't want to f--k you baby
I didn't want to f--k you
I didn't want to f--k you
But you're pretty when you're mine

I didn't really love you baby
I didn't really love you
I didn't really love you
But I'm pretty when I lie

You hurt me baby

I hurt you baby

If you knew how much I loved you
You would run away
But I treat you bad
It always makes you want to stay

I didn't want to hurt you baby
I didn't want to hurt you baby
I didn't want to hurt you baby
I didn't want to hurt you baby

Not a Lydia/Erin song, btw.

My turn! A song about teh Erin:

The walls between
You and I

always pushing us apart nothing left but scars fight after fight

The space between
Our calm and rage
started growing shorter , disappearing slowly day after day

I was sitting there waiting in my room for you
You were waiting for me too
And it makes me wonder

The older I get
Will I get over it
It?s been way too long for the times we missed

I didn?t know then it would hurt like this but I think
The older I get
Maybe I?ll get over it
It?s been way too long for the times we missed
I can?t believe it still hurts like this

The time between
Those cutting words
Built up our defenses never made no sense it just made me hurt
Do you believe
That time heals all wounds
It started getting better but it?s easy not to fight when I?m not with you

What was I waiting for
I should've taken less and given you more
I should've weathered the storm
I need to say so bad
What were you waiting for
This could have been the best we ever had

I'm just getting older
I'm not getting over you I'm trying to
I wish it didn't hurt like this
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this.

The Older I Get, by Skillet

You may see a lot of Billie soon. She suits Erin's mood.

Billie Holiday
Good Morning Heartache

Good morning heartache
You old gloomy sight
Good morning heartache
Thought we said goodbye last night
I turned and tossed until it seems you heve gone
But here you are with the dawn
Wish I forget you, but youre here to stay
It seems I met you
When my love went away
Now everyday I stop Im saying to you
Good morning heartache whats new

Stop haunting me now
Cant shake you nohow
Just leave me alone
Ive got those monday blues
Straight to sunday blues
Good morning heartache
Here we go again
Good morning heartache
Youre the one
Who knows me well
Might as well get use to you hanging around
Good morning heartache
Sit down

Someone to watch over me
Gershwin and Ella!


There?s a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we?re often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I?m going to seek a certain lad I?ve had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven?t found him yet
He?s the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret

I?d like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There?s a somebody I?m longin? to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who?ll watch over me

I?m a little lamb who?s lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who?ll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won?t you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

(bridge)

Won?t you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Someone to watch over me

Oh, I love Lukas! I'm seeing him in a week and a half! ::Dances::