Topic: Sisterly Love

Erinalle Dunbridge

Date: 2006-11-05 01:47 EST
The party had ended and they were tired. Arm in arm, the sisters(how strange that new title was!) walked up the stairs and to their room. Erin turned on the light and set to their door locking ritual(second nature now). After a few moments it became clear Lydia was having some trouble taking off the pounds of new jewelry she was given. The first one came off, but the second had a more tricky clasp, and it caught Erin's attention. She strode over and unhooked the second of Lydia's three necklaces, placing it out in a straight line on the dresser.

"So, did you have a good night?" Her back was still turned to Lydia, fussing with the necklace, making it perfect. She knew she wanted to talk, to bring up something more serious than a simple recounting of the nights merriment, but she wasn't sure how.. or if it were right. A small sigh as she turned again.

Lydia had grinned and nodded faintly, "Yeah.. a great night. I don't remember the last time I had this much fun..." She took a moment to take off other assorted things while Erin worked on her necklaces, such as a bow tied around her wrist, and that broach given to her by Antonio. Both were placed aside carefully before she plucked an emerald and silver dagger (courtesy of Hawk) from behind her waistband and set it along side the jewelry.

"Me either..." Erin said absently as she worked to take off the third and final necklace. Her eyes roamed down her back to the frosting filled mess there, "Gosh, you're a mess..."

"Yeah.. that seems to happen to me a lot," Lydia said through chuckling. She tugged on her sticky dress. "I wasn't the only one though. I think everyone got messy." It seemed to happen every time she was around though. By this point, she was convinced she was a jinx of sorts.

"We did.. it was fun." She let out a long sigh as she leaned against the dresser. One foot came behind the other to liberate a shoe and then was repeated. "It was nice to forget about things for awhile."

"It really was... " Lydia smiled to Erin before slipping out of her grip and ducking into the bathroom. Erin watched, still leaning against the dresser. Eyes were on the door then, waiting for her friend to reappear. Now was as good a time as ever to have this talk... perhaps in better spirits it would go better. She closed her eyes, steeling herself for when her friend would return. And Lydia did, in some cleaner clothes. She headed for the bed, plopping herself on it. Erin walked over to the beds as well, sitting on her own cross-legged. She reached over to grab her diary, pulling it into her lap. A hand gently pulls it open, pen dipped in the inkwell waiting on the night stand, before she looked up.

"Could we...talk now? Or would you rather wait for a less joyful time? " Erin was about to pour herself, all these thoughts, into the diary again. But she didn't have the heart. The writing wasn't helping anymore, she needed a human confidant. Lydia laid down, staring at the ceiling. She was tired, but not sleepy.

"Of course we can talk." Said as she was nodding. Erin had mentioned they needed to talk about various things, but she would never bring it up whenever they were in public. If it were something really personal or important though.. probably for the best. And now was as good as time as any. Lydia wanted her to feel like she could confide in her.

This reminded Erin too much of a slumber party. That the talk should be of crushes and mean mothers rather than of death and jealousy. She closed the book, putting both it and pen back on the bedstand. Pulling her hips further toward the headboard she sat up, leaning her back against the cool wood.

"I'm sorry I've.... been the way I've been..." Erin shrugged lamely, eyes searching the sheets in front of her. "Things have been off." Lydia pursed her lips, still staring up.

" It's alright... things have been off for all of us I think... it'll get better. You just... gotta be more careful, yeah?" She spoke softly. Erin's behavior had certainly been alarming, confusing... It worried her, and at the same time it kind of angered Lydia. To see her 'big sister' acting so carelessly and recklessly, to see her kissing other men when she... it was so confusing.

"...yeah." Erin paused. Where to start? She took a deep breath and started from the begining. "You know that Brian came to get me, right? When I was in London?"

"Yeah... I know. He told me right before he left that he was going to get you.. I mean.. I didn't even realize you had left like that at first.. " Lydia said through a frown. She heard Erin left town, but didn't know there was any danger behind it.

"He told you?" She furrowed her brow. A sudden sense of urgency came over her. If everyone knew, what would they think? Her abandoning them like that..what would Grem think? The way he had said goodbye.. the way those words had acted to cause her return. "Who else knows?"

"I'm not sure.. we were alone when he did though." She nodded faintly. "He might not have told anyone else." Lydia couldn't be certain either way though, but if it were something so important, she doubted he'd go blabbing it to *everyone*.

"I wasn't going to come back..." Erin mumbled, eyes still cast downwards. She had only told a few people that fact. The only indication it was permanent that letter sent to Gideon. It was a hard admission. She was worried about its affect. If it would make Lydia doubt their relationship, if it would cheapen it. Would Lydia doubt her? That she would stay..

"Why not...?" Lydia spoke quietly, frowning slightly as her brows furrowed. Erin left like that, didn't tell her, and hadn't even intended to return? Well.. it's not like they were so close before Erin had left. Certainly friends though, Erin was even there to offer some support to her when she thought she'd lose it to Renna.

Erin shook her head slowly, first right and then left. Her shoulders moved up and down in a slow motion shrug. "I was...behaving like a fool. Like last night. And I got called out... Shylah did it.. So, I was going to go home. Get a divorce and come back new... but, Gideon left me, and Miles told Grem... it just seemed like a better idea to fix the first set of problems..." She sat up further, the frown still on her face. Eyes wandered to the floor studying the grain in the hard wood floor. It was more complicated.. how she had felt. What made her leave. The series of events all coming down like dominos one after the other until there was no choice anymore.

"Why did you come back then...? What changed your mind..?" Lydia's voice was soft, she was biting her lip again. Erin's knees came up to her chest. The nightgown tugged down till it looped over the top. Her mouth opened and soft words floated into the almost silent room.

"Brian came.. with Icer and Ty and they talked me into it... said that people loved me here. And everyone there....they were terrible. Nothing on their minds but duty and obligation... it was like i wasn't even part of the equation." And the words. They would be left out at present. How the for now rattled in her head. The feeling that it had some meaning starting to falter. She was happier here. But it was hard to put into words with all the pain that kept raining on them. That she belonged and was accepted and lauded for what and who she was. A misfit among misfits.

((This is part one of a thread adopted from live play. It's collaboratively written, so all props go to LydiaMun as well. :) ))

Erinalle Dunbridge

Date: 2006-11-07 09:20 EST
She understood all too well, the feeling of being nothing more than a pawn, expected to carry out a duty simply because of the position born into. The way no one ever looked at you like you were a person. You just weren't normal, you couldn't be... "I can understand why you'd not want to stay... " Lydia nodded faintly "But Erin... people do love you here. And you're back.. you don't have to worry about them anymore, yeah? So... things are okay now, right? I mean.. I know there are things going on.. but.."

"I know... " Erin let out a long sigh, the air whistling through her teeth and then her voice lowered to a whisper. "They killed me, though... had my death faked. THe idea of Rhydin a little too much... too odd for the papers. " The last of her words were spit out with more venom than she realized she had. The pure hatred welling up in her like lava pushing to get out. She bit it back through. There was nothing worse than attacking her sister.

Lydia spoke quietly, her pale eyes drifting over to Erin. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry they did that to you... " She bit her lip. Losing family was hard, but gods, to have them just throw you away like that...

"It's... I'm getting used to the idea of not going home... or at least, of never being *me*. That's why Miles renamed me... " Erin replied, voice still lowered. She wasn't sure of herself, who she was and who she should be. Her new name seemed ridiculous, a game.. but also comforting in what it meant.

"But .. you're still *you*.. regardless of your name.." Lydia whispered very quietly. Titles, names, the 'whats' of a person. It meant nothing. It's *who* you are that mattered. This was one of the few beliefs Lydia held on to so tightly, kept faith in it.

There was a pause in the conversion then. Erin was thinking about what Lydia had said. It caused her to smile and nod faintly. "I guess... I just... yeah, more me... because I get to be who I want and not who they want.. " It was coming to her now. What Miles had meant by it, what it meant to her...

"Exactly..." Lydia nodded. "I was in a situation like that.. where all they cared about was duty and obligation. Tried to make me something I wasn't... it just doesn't work. And I guess.. now we can both start new lives.. things will be good here Erin. We can be *us*.. not what others try to make us, or what they think we are." This new life was still terrifying though. But if she had her sister with her? It would be okay. It really would.

"I know." Erin smiled. Lydia was such a help.. she had confided in her before all this. Before they had become close and sisters, and could tell each other everything. Something about her made Erin want to open up. "I guess.. I'm trying to figure out who that is.. and it causes a lot of fluxuation.. like last night." She stopped. She wasn't ready to go into more detail.. to share that self destructive streak.

"I understand... when I first got here I was.. I was kind of a mess too." Lydia frowned as she spoke, remembering those days. She was so naive now, childish, but back then? So much worse. "But it's fine.. you'll figure it out Erin. We both will..".

There's a long pause. Erin fidgets a little. Her hand reached to the nightstand for cigarettes and then set them back. That would have been rude... More fidgeting, and she tugged on the gown. Finally she opened her mouth to speak, it was barely a whisper."I have moods Lydia.. and they're starting to scare me... " That was the best Erin could put it.. the want, the need, to hurt herself or hurt others. To lash out in a physical way.

Lydia looked over to study Erin carefully. Her voice continued in that quiet tone. "Moods..?" She frowned. One moment Erin was one person, the next moment she was someone else entirely. She had noticed, but considering everything going on... "You're just.. things are just messy now Erin... yeah?"

Erin nodded slowly before she rested her head on her knees, facing Lydia. "Lyds... I'm mean to you sometimes... on purpose." Erin bit her bottom lip, chewing on it lightly. It was how she admitted that she know. Though, she was pretty sure Lydia wouldn't get it, or wouldn't let herself get it.

Lydia blinked, canting her head. She couldn't understand how that would be possible. Sisters don't do that kind of thing to each other.

"..why?" A long pause then.

"I'm jealous." Erin's voice lowered to a whisper. Barely audible. Jealousy was the death keel in so many female relationships.. but not sharing it was even worse. She was panicking as she waited for the response.

Erin was beautiful, outgoing, and people seemed to be so naturally drawn to her... Lydia? She was just a child compared to her, compared to anyone really. The idea of Erin being jealous of her was just so... ludicrous. "Why would you be jealous?"

"Grem..." Erin's response was the quietest whisper yet. Almost eaten by the silence of the room, and the murmuring from the inn bellow. Her bottom lip was almost bloody, eyes moving to the sheets in front of her. Lydia really did need to start paying attention.

Erinalle Dunbridge

Date: 2006-11-12 02:10 EST
Lydia froze.

Did Erin know? Gods...how could she? She hasn't told anyone, she wouldn't tell anyone. If Erin knew though, did that mean it was that obvious? She couldn't help it, she tried to ignore it, but did it really show through that much? If Erin knew, did that mean that...did he..?

Erin squeezed her eyes close. She sucked the blood off of her bloody lip as she chewed. She was waiting for a realization, an acknowledgment; when none came she took a breath and began to whisper. "It's okay... I think.. he may.. and it's okay.. I just... I can't stop myself from.." It was impossible to form full sentences at this moment. She knew part of her was lying... that it wasn't okay... but it needed to be, for the both of them.

Lydia turned her head away from Erin to mask watery eyes. Her voice was but a very quiet whisper."There is no reason to be jealous Erin... there's... I.. " Guilt. It tore at her for feeling this way, for making Erin feeling that way.

"You don't have to lie." Erin's voice came back up to regular volume. She wouldnt' have brought it up if she wasn't ready to talk about it. She felt the need to get it out there. That once it was it would ease the snark out of her actions.

Lydia was working on her own lower lip now, eyes watering even more. Her voice remained a whisper. "I'm sorry... I can't.. I just can't... control.. but.. it's not...he doesn't...." One of her hands that was resting on the bed began to tremble lightly. This was hard. Things would have been fine if Erin didn't know, if nobody knew. Things would just keep going the way they were, it's not as if she could act on her feelings. She couldn't hurt Erin like that, and it's not as if he felt them too.

"He does." Erin shrugged just slightly, sitting up against the bed, feet outstretched. "I think he does... " Both her head and voice shook. "I can't... be mad at you... I'm... too messy to.. and you're..." Erin lowered back to a whisper now. She really was happy that her friends could be happy.. during... despite. But, it stung. No, that was the wrong word. It burned. It felt like betrayal and it wasn't. The rational and irrational side weren't just battling. They were at war. "I just dont want to feel like this anymore." Erin's eyes focused on the sheets, now, picking off the little balls of lint there one by one.

" He doesn't.... he doesn't..I'm so sorry... I'm..sorry.. " They were back to whispers, Lydia's even more quiet than Erin's had been. She didn't want to lose her sister over something like this. Over something out of their hands really...

Erin waved her hand, dismissing Lydia's worry. Her voice still a whisper, "It's noone's fault... and I think he does..." She shrugged again. This was a stupid argument to have. Erin knew what she saw.. and knew that Lydia wasn't the type to believe it. Even if she had noticed. "Just... now that you know that I... it'll be easier."

"Gods... please don't hate me..." Lydia whispered very quietly. It was her biggest fear in all of this.

"I don't hate you." Erin's voice was almost forceful. Why didn't Lydia understand? "No matter what happens... I will never hate you. We're sisters and we can get through this." It wasn't like either of them was in love, right? This shouldn't be that bad. Just stepped on feelings and little flinches. Erin was sure about this. It was a worry she needed to purge herself of. That she would jab at Lydia. Like talking about Cricket. Or asking those questions.. and if she needed to get over Grem.. well then she needed to make it clear why she had suddenly changed course.

Not love, but even things like this could destroy friendships. Such matters came between her and her own blood sister once upon a time. She didn't want history repeating itself. "I just don't want anything to ever come between us... I don't want to lose another sister.." Lydia's voice stayed soft, barely perceptible.

Erin shook her head vigorously. She turned to look Lydia straight in the eyes, hers almost glowing green, only brown around the edges. "Nothing will come between us. This is a roadbump. As long as we're honest.. about everything.. then nothing could hurt us."

"I want to be honest...I've wanted to talk to someone about this.. I'm just.. I'm so confused by it all.." Life was like a rollercoaster as of late, ups and downs... tragedies struck, hope shimmered, tears fell, then laughter sang out. What she felt now came out of nowhere, she didn't expect to feel it again... and so soon too...

"Yeah.. me too.. " Erin mumbled. She was confused. Gideon coming in and out of her life, That feeling when she was around Grem, the sudden attachment to Lydia... it was a whirlwind of activity. Her voice lowered to a whisper. "I just don't want to... I'm a bad person inside... I can feel it.. and I don't want it to win.. the darker parts..."

Erinalle Dunbridge

Date: 2006-11-16 23:03 EST
Two peas in a pod, her and Erin. Both from backgrounds they had forced upon them. Both afraid of what lurks inside themselves..."You're not a bad person Erin...not at all... Everyone has darkness inside themselves... everyone gives into it sometimes.. but it doesn't make them..bad."

"I feel it bubble... I feel it come up and... make me want to hurt myself. Or someone else.." Erin whispered. She took a long breath in and out; she was ready to move topics again. A little smattering here and there to build on later? "I don't want to hurt Katarina because i'm afraid once I do it once...."

"..that it'll be easier to do it again?" Lydia frowned, her whisper even softer then. "That's the case for some.... but with every person I kill it only becomes harder and harder." Her gaze fell. It was true. Any time she needed to react now, there was always that hesitation, and that hesitation always cost..something. "I used to have that feeling...of something terrible inside me.. sometimes I still feel it.. but I'm sure we can fight our demons ..if we have each other, yeah?"

Erin noded. "Yeah." Voice barely audible, the silence of the room absorbing it. Another deep breath in and out, a reach down to hold her knees, folding herself in half. She held it for a moment, before rising again, half way to sitting up. "But sometimes... I want to." It was a relief to say it. To admit it. That she had sought it once.. asked Alain to teach her.. that she almost slipped into that life.

Lydia looked over, studying Erin thoughtfully as she chewed on her lip. A frown played on her lips before she laid back, head resting against pillow as she stared at the ceiling. "Me too." Again barely heard. How alike and how different they were! An aspect of their upbringing, most likely. Erin smiled a little. Happy that she wasn't alone.. wasn't crazy. "I know you would never do it unless you had to." Lydia nodded confidently. That she was certain of about her sister.

Erin's lips curled into a smile. She wasn't ready to argue this. To insist there was something wrong. "Lydia... " Her voice lowered yet again "If something did happen.. between you and Grem... you wouldn't leave me? Feel too guilty or busy or... I don't want to lose you to that..."

Lydia's brows furrowed as she turned her head to face Erin. "You'd never lose me Erin.. and nothing is going to happen." She's getting ahead there, just a little? It's not been that long after all... but still.. "Everything's going to work out.. no one is losing anyone.." No matter what happened, they'd have each other. They had to. Her, Erin and Grem.

"Cause before.. before we were close.. I think.." Erin whispered quietly. A cigarette was drawn out and lit automatically. It was rude and she had nowhere to put the ashes, but she had no control over it, desperate drags taken. "I'm better for knowing you. And I need to stay better." Erin was desperate to hold onto the good parts of herself, keep that dark away. She felt bad misbehaving around Lydia and she needed to feel guilty.

"We're still close... " A hint of doubt to her voice maybe? "I'm better now too... whenever I panic, you keep me together. When I want to give up.. when I'm about to run away.. you stop me." Erin nodded in agreement. Lydia the only thing keeping her in place.. and Erin was a runner.

"We're close. I meant before we were close.. like before I left." Clarification out of the way Erin plowed on through her list of topics.. stones to be lifted. "John wants me there.. when you talk to Kat.. to be your rock.. and I told him I could.. and I can.. but, do you want that? Do you want me to force this? He just.... took over... and..." She shrugged. "I wanted to talk to you and Grem first. Mainly you... I mean.. I'll stand with you, if you want me to." Erin was worried that Lydia didn't trust her anymore. That she had acted out, been unreliable, one too many times.

"Of course I want you to... I want you there with me... " Lydia said softly. There was another she wanted there too, for support, the situation though... that could be tricky. "And John.. We can trust him.. I can trust him. I have faith in him and his plan.. it's gotta work.. I mean.. he made a lot of sense, yeah? I think he did.."

Erin nodded again. John did make sense, she was just sceptical of his timing... when he arrived, what he said he was... and his motives. Erin just wanted to make sure he wasn't grinding an ax from his other world. She opened her mouth to whisper very quietly, "If one of us... one of the three.. has to...hurt her." Or kill her, but that went unsaid "I'll do it. For you... to save you that..." Erin went back to biting on her bottom lip.

Lydia frowned faintly, her voice lowered to a very quiet whisper. "If me or Katarina is to die it should be me rather than her... it has to be..." The situation now was entirely different than it had been with Maria. She had been driven to a point of no return by power and insanity, she was relentless. Katarina? There was something else going on there, she wasn't...like Maria. She couldn't fight Katarina, and she couldn't allow anyone else to either.

Erin didn't argue the point. Just rolled over and pretended to sleep. It was clear that was a point on which they would never agree.