The letter slipped from his hands twice on his journey up the stairs as Bastian fumbled numbly to the first floor of Isis Manor. The letter had jarred him and the tears ran freely down his face. He wasn't sobbing by any means, but the current running from his eyes was most certainly steady. Dear God, he had to find her! He had to find her right this second. "Erin!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. He stumbled into the foyer where his exhaustion kicked in and drove the boy to his knees. "Erin!"

Erin was doing much better, actually. And cleaning. It was soothing, somehow, the constant movement, the smells, etc. She was washing down dressers. Wood polish was nice. It was cleansing and comforting. The radio was on. Some jazz station or something, and she didn't hear him right away. She wasnt' really expecting him, either... The second call, however, that she heard. A quick omvement for the door and there she was standing at the top of the stairs. Rag with polish in hand. "Are you alright?" Her brow was knit, and really she wanted to run down the stairs, but she was stuck in place.

She was home. Sebastian nearly sighed in relief and forced his body to stand. With his heart racing a million miles an hour, he couldn't get up the winding staircase as fast as he wanted. As he approached, he held an arm towards her, his fingers tightly grasping the letter. "Please," he said breathlessly. "I'm an idiot..."

"No you're not.." She shook her head, eyes on the letter. It's funny how you can put something out of your brain like that.. the thing was painful and shameful and a million things at once. Her eyes snapped back to him. "You were right." She shrugged a touch, her head tilted to look at him.

He wiped at his face furiously on the back of his blue cotton sleeve. It would be more than obvious to Erin that reading the letter had been difficult and taxing on his emotional strength. "We should talk about this. Please?" His throat felt as if it were closing in on itself and his jaws clenched together. His heart constricted at the thought of her saying no... perhaps she'd had time to think about what she wrote. Maybe she wanted to take it back.

"Yeah, yeah..." She nodded a little, stepping back to let him come off the stairs. She was worried watching him. Eyes back on the letter. It wasn't that she wanted to take it back... but remember exactly what she wrote? That would help. He could probably tell reading it she just kinda rambled for pages and pages. "Sit down... " She probably looked fine. The cleaning had done that. And the sleep. Emotional breakdowns never last too long... she had shoved it back away, regained composure.

He didn't have his breakdown until reading the letter. Lord knows how long he had spent down in that basement but he estimated the length of time to be hours upon hours. "Thanks." He watched her closely, gauging her responses and body language. He was quiet for quite some time after he sat, staring at the floor. He couldn't even think of what to say. Rather, he knew what to say, but he couldn't will his mouth to move.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Sebastian cleared his throat. "I'm sorry." It was barely a whisper, but he was sure he had said it. Sebastian hung his head and raked his fingers through that shaggy hair of his. "My anger continually gets the best of me...as well as my pride. And I'm sorry." He shook his head, unable to look at her; ashamed. He really meant it this time and begged silently for her forgiveness.

"It's okay." She paused, watching him before sitting beside him. "I'm the one that should be sorry... I've been behaving like... god knows what, lately. And I didn't even give you the--" She sighed, propping her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. She sighed. It was long and tired. "I don't know..."

"We're going to keep on hurting each other if we can't change." He chanced a look at her, wanting desperately to reach out and hold her, but for some reason it seemed like she was out of his reach. He had asked her for a divorce, stupid him, and now was unsure how to tell her that he'd been out of his bloody mind when he said that.

Her mouth twitched. Half welt up in an almost smile, but it was far from happy. "....I know." Eyes closed for a moment as she took a long breath in and then let it out. She opened them again, thinking of what to say. It was hard to put words to feelings. That's what pens were for. "There are so many battles on so many fronts, that this one just seems to.... I don't know... I'm not good at being what you need me to be. I don't see that changing overnight."

"It's not going to," he stated with surreal finality. "It's going to take time...and I-" he swallowed, unable to continue. Sebastian set the letter aside and turned to Erin, determination in his eyes where hopelessness had once been. "And so I have to go away. I need to find the boy who got lost when we threw ourselves into a marriage that was premature." Sebastian was far from emotional..and even death, these days, couldn't seem to bring abotu a tear. However, sitting there next to the woman he loved more than he could ever think possible, his eyes were brimming with them. "And I'm terrified of coming back to see you've forgotten me."

"Forgotten you?" She looked at him with wide eyes. "Are you crazy...?" She shook her head slowly. "I'm not going to forget you... Go if you need to... I'd rather you left and came back than left forever... I..." She closed her eyes again to stop and think, hands playing with the hem of her skirt. "I'll wait for you if you ask me. As long as you'd ask of me."

Her words instantly put him at ease. This was salvable; their marriage. It was something he wanted more than life itself. "Erin? Will you wait while we find ourselves? I want to be the best husband I can for you..and I can't be that right now." He took a deep breath, unsure of what to say next. "I'll write to you when I get where I'm going. Probably to sea. When you are ready for me to come back, you let me know." Something was breaking inside of this seemingly strong longshoresman. He didn't want to leave, but Sebastian knew this was their last hope.

She nodded. Tears in her eyes came back. "You'll be careful? I couldn't stand to..." She trailed off, moving just a touch closer to him on the step. "When will you...." Her head dropped a little, she was looking at her bare feet. So many questions and so inappropriate. Too much to ask and it wasn't fair to demand. That's how she got here in the first place....

The saddness in her voice was like a dagger through his heart. So much pain they'd caused each other...it didn't seem fair that this had to be the way. Sebastian reached out tentatively and took her hand in his. "Will I what?"

She squeezed his hand a little. Hers were cold. they always got that way when she was upset.... "Leave. Are you going right now....?" Erin's voice was small. More unsure than anything else. Afraid of pushing or saying the wrong thing... causing more pain.

He stayed quiet for a moment, weighing her words. She didn't want him to leave, that much was obvious, but he had to. Carefully lacing his fingers and hers together, Sebastian quickly said a silent prayer for God to give him strength. "I'm afraid that if I stay too much longer...it'll be that much harder to leave."

"...okay..." She brushed her thumb across the back of his knuckles. "Be careful..." A simple way of saying she wanted him to come home to her. She was a little afraid that he wouldn't. That time to think would only confirm the fear that she could only bring this pain. She blinked back tears. She was surprised she still had them, really.

"I'll come back, Erin." He said reassuringly, as if he'd been able to read her mind. "But tell me you understand." He blinked back another onslaught of tears that threatened to spill over his cheeks. Stop it, he told himself. "Please, baby...please tell me you know why I'm going." He moved closer to her with the intent to draw the lithe woman into his arms.

"I understand." A look up and over at him. "You're going because we're not ourselves anymore... neither of us. We did too much too fast and there's just some things that need to be found. Rediscovered. You're going for you. Not to punish me. I know." The corner of her mouth tugged up in the almost smile again. "And I'll be here when you get back..."

"Will you?" It wasn't so much a question of whether or not she'd be here physically, but if the real Erin would be there.

"I hope so." She'd gotten the meaning, and her voice lowered. A quiet almost mumble.

The dam finally broke and Bastian could stand it no longer. His arms were thrown about his wife and his hold on her was nearly crushing. Surprisingly, he didn't feel like crying anymore. "I hope so too," he whispered into her ear.

She squeezed him back, but her grip wasn't even half of his. She snuggled in, her eyes clenched shut. Time to remember. A sniffle, but no crying. Not anymore. She wasn't ready for him to go yet, but really, would she ever be?

"I'll leave in the morning," Sebastian let his grip lessen but not break entirely. "I love......I love you. This is going to work." It was a statement, and for the first time, Sebastian believed it. He'd been telling himself this for months and months now...but it was here, in this moment, that he actually let it consume him.

She lifted her head to catch his eyes. Another half smile. "I love you, too." A firm nod. "Yeah... yeah... I think it could."

He drew away from her and touched her cheek briefly with his fingertips. "I want someone to stay with you..."

"I'm not going to stay here..." It was a quiet admission made to her feet mostly. "It's too... big." She shrugged her shoulders.

"You'll let me know where you're going by morning?" He let his gaze travel from her head to her toes and then back. He was trying to make sure he had every ounce of her memorized. Who knows how long the separation would last?

"I'll probably just stay in my room at the inn..." Another shrug. She was looking him over now. "For awhile at least..." That was when it dawned on her she had no idea how long this was going to last.... how long before she saw him again. It took everything in herself not to throw herself at him again, wrap her arms around him and refuse to let go.

The look in her eyes was almost too much to bear. Sebastian had to look away lest he steal her away into the bedroom and not come out until morning. Hell, even the hallway floor was sounding mighty inviting. He looked pained, eyes shut and elbows on his knees now. "Do you want me to sleep in the spare room tonight?"

It stung. How real this was, how they weren't going to stay together... every fight had always landed them back in the same bed. The difference stark. "I can. If you want... Or I can leave tonight... let you do your thing without my being around."

It stung him as well. He let his breath out slowly, surprised to find he'd been holding it. Oh how he wished she'd have asked him to stay with her one night. Just one more night. He wanted her. He needed her. But it was not to be. Sebastian simply shook his head. "No, stay. I want to be able to see you again in the morning to say...." he looked over at her. "goodbye."

She sniffled a little more. Averting her eyes. It's funny... they were thinking the same thing. She wanted nothing more than for him to stay with her that night. But when he asked about the other room...

Her breathing got a tad heavier at the use of the word goodbye. She shook her head. "It's not goodbye." Almost forceful as she said it. "It's just see you soon... or something..." A look away, and a look back. "I want to ask you not to go. I know I shouldn't. I won't. I just... wanted you to know that I..." She trailed off, completely unsure of her point.

"I don't -want- to go, Erin, but..." he let his sentence trail off, lifting a hand to grasp one of the spindles to the staircase railing. He smiled sadly and looked back over at her. "It's bittersweet for me too, love."

"Do you.... need anything? I could run to the market, or if you need me to make something, or..." Mind going a million miles a minute, she suddenly wanted to do nothing but help, but wasn't sure what help she could be. This had to go better, had to be less awkward, had to work.

"No, I don't need anything. Well, nothing..." he couldn't finish that. He did need something and she could most definately give it to him. She was the only person who could; only person he'd want to. Sebastian just shook his head again. "No, love. I...just need to pack. I'll be fed on the ship. Don't worry."

"Nothing what?" She tilted her head, a brow raised a little.

"It would be wrong of me to ask," he said tenderly. He meant it, too.

"I don't mind." There was really nothing he could ask at the moment that she'd mind. She gave his hand another little squeeze.

"I can't," he whispered, the words torturing him. He dipped his head to kiss her cheek. "I want it too badly." Sebastian sighed and pulled away, head hung low and heart laden with emotion. He stood.

She let him stand. Watching him for a long moment. She decided to stay there on the step. She didn't want to intrude.... didn't want to overstep. So she just waited and watched for now. Wait for him to ask her or tell her what to do.

He moved towards the bedroom and paused in the doorway, turning his head back to look at her sitting there. "I just need a moment to pack." He left unspoken that he'd like to do so alone. Like she had done the night before, Sebastian had wanted to gather a few things...things to tide him over. Things he needed in order to survive (or so he told himself). Disappearing into their bedroom, Sebastian closed the door slowly and gently behind him.

She leaned her head against the railing, and waited. Thought. Eyes closed.