"Oooh a present for me?" she said with great surprise as the head servant came bustling into the gardens to deliver the basket she had received.

She was trying to mend the rose bushes Talomar fancied because they were trampled by that awful conductor's wife she had escorted forcefully off the premises the week before. What a nightmare that had been.

"I do so love presents, I do," she crooned and chucking the garden shears in her hand, behind her, the male servant who had been helping her, cried out in surprise as he narrowly escaped being blinded.

"Get to work!" she shouted to him and huffed. He was crouched down on the ground, cowering, and grumbled at her words.

"It came with a note, my lady. Would you like me to read it?" said the head servant with a warm smile.

"Oh yessum! Tara hates to read unless it's one of those alimony checks she gets from the remainder of her living ex-husbands," she said and flumping down on the ground, began to make snow angels on the grass where no snow was present, but when did that ever matter?

The head servant opened the letter carefully and began to read it. When she was finished, she looked to Tara who was now snoozing on the lawn.

"I wonder should we wake her?" the head servant asked the male servant who was trying to fix the rose bushes that were looking far worse than they had before Tara had touched them.

"Yes," he said and gently nudged the Countess with his foot.

"Good Gumdrops!" Tara cried and sat upright in alarm. "What happened!"

"You fell asleep, my lady," the head servant said with a chuckle. "Would you like to respond to your friend?"

"Yuh huh! She will dictate, you write."

And so she did and while Destre might be glad to know that she received the gift and the letter, she may not understand a damn word of her reply as it was written in the true spirit of the Tara.

Convoluted.

Complicated.

and unsung.



Dearest Miss Des,

We are in receipt of the wonderful gift you have given us and we thank you kindly. It brightened our spirits and was probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever given us, save for that time Spencer Pickawillow climbed up the cherry tree intending to throw us down some of the fruit and wound up falling down to his death instead. Do you know the sound a neck makes when it breaks? I should have to write a song about that one of these days...it's very charming.

I guess she should come clean and tell you that Lord Travanix is not a former business partner of mine hers nor was he ever a friend. You could say we was once like boyfriend and girlfriend but to be quite honest with you, we never did...how do you say...consummate? the relationship because Travvie had some difficulty in getting his gigglestick to salute. I don't know why this is but for some reason, unknown to her, a lot of the men she has had relationships with seem to suffer from this problem. Do you think that's like a pattern or somethin? Talomar has thus far not suffered from this terrible ailment and I hope he never does because then what would I do? Well, maybe I could go shopping and eat lots of icecream...

I like icecream now, I do!!! It is very cold and tickles my tongue.

In fact after I am done writing this letter to you I am going to have more icecream. Talomar doesn't know but I stole me a few drums of the stuff and I'm storing them in his wine cellar right next to the bottle of something called "Peenot Greegio" and "Bore-Dough", say, do you think that "Bore-dough" wine comes from the same place that is open at all hours of the night for gentlemen callers? That is so smart of them girlies to find a niche by not only providin themselves as companions for them lonely souls but to also get em drunk in the process! Very nice of them, she thinks. Tara doesn't know much about those sorts of places so today, after she grafted some scabs, she went down and asked the local baker what he thought of this "Bore-dough" place and he said "No, little Tara, you mean Bore-dello."

"Whassat?" she asked.

"A house of ill-repute," the baker replied.

"Oh, so why do it have ill repute if it be providin a nice service to all the menfolk, huh?" she asked but the baker did not answer her.

He got hisself a broomstick and he swatted Tara on her bottom a few times. She did not like that too much so she waited until he closed up for the night and then when he started to walk home, Tara went running into him and said "TAKE THA!" and she whacked him over the head with a shovel.

By the way, Miss Des, the sound that a head makes when hit with a shovel is not nearly as charming as the sound a neck makes when it breaks.

She thought you should know that.

Now she dun rightly know how to say this and she hopes she dun embarrass you or nuthin but why you be so interested in slaver's balls? Isn't tha a very private thing to be wondering about? She guesses if you really pressed the issue you could try an' make some of em show you but that's so boooooooring as isn't they the same as other men's balls? Say! She knows! You could go down to the Bore-Dough an' maybe the girlies there will show you what slavers balls look like an' then you dun gotta worry about them at the Red Dragon Inn cuz you could see em any time you liked! Yes, she likes this idea. Maybe Tara will come with you when you go if she's not too busy.

Oh guess what! Today, after she hit the baker in the head with the shovel, grafted some scabs, and drew Talomar and her in the sketchpad on their wedding night, she read yer letter again and you know that wax you sealed it with? Yeah! That is very tasty! She tried to eat the Blood Bank gift card you gave her but the nasty head servant confiscated it. I bet she was just jealous. She's going to have to tell Talomar about that, she is.

Bad, evil, trifling servant!

No icecream for her, nuh uh, no sirreee!

So dun worry about Tara, Miss Des. Ain't nuthin bad gonna happen to her cuz Talomar he takes care of her now and she loves him a lot, she do. He says that she is his angel and he protects her real good. She is sad she can't protect him in return but that's because she is little and he understands.

She will come back to the Dragon Red real soon, she promises. And when she do, we can play together just as you asked. Maybe you can come over to the clubhouse and Tara an' the girls can show you all the great stuff we have! You'd like it there, she thinks. It's a nice place for nice girlies and you is a vera nice girlie, this she know.

You just dont bring that nasty French boyfriend of yours cuz Tara don't like him too much! He try to poke out her eyeses with his little boomstick but it broke and Tara laughed at him. If you wasn't so much in love with him, Tara would probably want to hit him with a shovel too.

She wonders though...

What sound would a Jean make if he got dead?

Oh well, maybe when you break up with him, Tara can find out. I bet he'd cry like a little girl too. He's such a stupid boy, he be.

Bye now!

Da Cockroach Killa