"I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all"
It was such a small thing. A seemingly small and insignificant thing. A ribbon. It was black as the darkest of nights. Yet in her hands it felt better than anything she had ever touched. And was it just her or did it seem to glow? She felt she was given something...Special.
Her original idea was to make something for her future husband or keep it for herself. The first night with the ribbon in her possession was spent pouring over what she wanted to do with it. She couldn't seem to stop running it across her skin. She wanted to roll herself around in it. Much like a cat does with catnip.
It was subtle at first. Much like a cat playing with its prey. She began to feel drawn towards the one who bestowed the ribbon upon her. At first it was simply a feeling of being happier and more elated when she was around him.
Then she noticed little slips in her hardened control. Just a small slip here and there. An accident causing a few deaths. No one important. The undesirables and unforgettable ones that no one would miss. At least that's what she told herself so she could sleep at night.
When she wasn't busy he began to creep into her thoughts. Slowly like a virus that laid dormant and waited patiently before the infected began to show symptoms. She began to wonder if he would like this or that or what he would think if she did certain actions. Would he approve or disapprove? She would hate for him to not approve of her.
Did everyone around her notice? Wasn't she supposed to be doing something important? She was already promised to someone, right? Ven. Her love Ven. Her rock in the world. Then why did she think of the gift bearer in the way she thought of her future husband? It was so confusing and frustrating. She only loved Ven, right? Right. Or that's what she would tell herself.
But when she was around the gift bearer? The world faded away. Nothing existed except for him. She hung onto his every word and gesture. She would do anything to please him no matter what. What was wrong with her? The type of devotion she felt scared her to death. Yet at the same time it seemed okay. It seemed normal and right. She was drowning and there was no one to pull her out of the water.
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all"
It was such a small thing. A seemingly small and insignificant thing. A ribbon. It was black as the darkest of nights. Yet in her hands it felt better than anything she had ever touched. And was it just her or did it seem to glow? She felt she was given something...Special.
Her original idea was to make something for her future husband or keep it for herself. The first night with the ribbon in her possession was spent pouring over what she wanted to do with it. She couldn't seem to stop running it across her skin. She wanted to roll herself around in it. Much like a cat does with catnip.
It was subtle at first. Much like a cat playing with its prey. She began to feel drawn towards the one who bestowed the ribbon upon her. At first it was simply a feeling of being happier and more elated when she was around him.
Then she noticed little slips in her hardened control. Just a small slip here and there. An accident causing a few deaths. No one important. The undesirables and unforgettable ones that no one would miss. At least that's what she told herself so she could sleep at night.
When she wasn't busy he began to creep into her thoughts. Slowly like a virus that laid dormant and waited patiently before the infected began to show symptoms. She began to wonder if he would like this or that or what he would think if she did certain actions. Would he approve or disapprove? She would hate for him to not approve of her.
Did everyone around her notice? Wasn't she supposed to be doing something important? She was already promised to someone, right? Ven. Her love Ven. Her rock in the world. Then why did she think of the gift bearer in the way she thought of her future husband? It was so confusing and frustrating. She only loved Ven, right? Right. Or that's what she would tell herself.
But when she was around the gift bearer? The world faded away. Nothing existed except for him. She hung onto his every word and gesture. She would do anything to please him no matter what. What was wrong with her? The type of devotion she felt scared her to death. Yet at the same time it seemed okay. It seemed normal and right. She was drowning and there was no one to pull her out of the water.