Bound with brown leather and thick with the pristine white pages sewn within it. An expensive sketchbook that had been given to her by her father on her sixteenth birthday and quickly became her most prized possession. He told her to do something great with it, but gave no other instructions besides that. Although it wasn't meant to be such an intimidating task that's what it had turned into over the years. And that's why it was still as blank inside as the day she got it. She never felt any of her art was worth going into the book. She knew she would always improve over time and when she looked back years from now at what she had filled the pages with she was sure she would scoff at how remedial her talents were. Unfortunately, Lizzie didn't have many other talents that could fit onto the pages of a book.

But while she was laying about in bed lazing part of the day away in thought over her current state in life, things began to click in her head. She was far from home. Far from her Father. Far from everything she had known. But she refused to be scared. She was set on trying to make something out of her new surroundings. And the more she pondered the more the fog that had plagued her for years slowly dissipated until it was clear what she was to do.

She slipped off the bed to the floor. The brown leather sketchbook was withdrawn from it's home under her mattress. It was the only thing she owned that was worth hiding. She crossed her legs, the book laid open to the first page in her lap. One of the many pens lying about was picked up and sitting ready in her hand. She stared down at it for a moment, and then pen was put to paper. Although in her art pieces she used large sweeping motions, her handwriting was quite small and neat. She wrote:

Contained within these pages are accounts
of the life and times of Lindsey "Lizzie" Liddell.
A Geko determined to do something great.

Entry 2:

Yesterday was a no holds barred extravaganza!

Danny and I got together around dusk as planned and did some running throughout the city. Just one of our usual hang out sessions of jokes, mocking, and sexual tension so thick you could cut it with a knife (except I'm the only one that notices it apparently). I even made him carry my backpack for me a bit, but he didn?t seem to mind. Then we ended up going our separate ways. He had to take care of something (probably napping, that boy always seems to have bed head) and I wanted to go find Wise KazKaz so I could hassle her. Because that's what friends are for.

I came across her at the Outback and I don't know if it was my leftover buzz from tagging or the smell of sweat in the air, but I knew right away that it was going to be an awesome night. Or maybe it was the fact that Kazzy was wearing gorilla pants. I crap you not! She had monkey legs! I still don't really get it, but it seems like for every five things she does that I understand there has to be at least one that eludes me. Fair enough.

We decided to add color commentary to the fight going on. Jay and some chick were getting their hustle on in the ring and both were putting on a pretty good show. Though, Jay stole it when he started rocking some wrestling moves. I was afraid to sit next to Kazzy while it was going on because I was pretty sure she was getting so worked up over it that she was going to try to mack with whoever or whatever was closest to her. Jay put the smack on down and beat that girl like she owed him money, but she made him work for the win.

Danny had showed up and wanted to head into the ring. Jay was down and the funniest part was that the caller put them down in this pit of mud. It was disgusting which made Kazzy and I even more excited. Two hotties. Check. Dirty. Check. Sweaty. Check. It was the battle of the bulge as they went toe to toe with Kazzy and I rooting them both on from the sidelines. We were trying to direct them in the ways of man on man macking, but it didn't seem like the boys were having any part in it. We couldn't really blame them though since they didn't have any good props. Did you know in the mud pit there is no pizza, dishwasher, or a car that needs to be fixed?! How is anyone supposed to swerve under those conditions!

... Maybe Kaz is right and I'm a little too focused on macking as of late. I'm going with the fact that it's not my fault! I think I just have a lot of pent up energy right now. I feel like I'm going to explode at some point! HaHa. Gross.

The fight continued on. We did our part by cheering. Jay even took his shirt off! I think that the guys kissed a little, too, but don't take my word for it. I lie a lot. Anyway, when all was said and done J.J. took out Danny 5-4 in 12 rounds. It was a hard fought fight and I think we all came out winners. Especially girls that like to see boys mud wrestle. Which would be all of them that were present (Seriously! Pent up energy! Not my fault!).

The boys came out of the pit looking hot messes, but Kaz ran with a quickness to grab some buckets and rags to help clean them off. Yes, it was out of the goodness of our hearts. We got nothing out of it whatsoever. Though, KazKaz actually was a good sport and really did wipe Jay down.

Wait, total side note here. Kaz and Jay! Both are cool dudes. Both are wicked hot. Both are in need of some guy on girl wrestle sessions. Together maybe? Besides, what kind of guy let's a girl wipe him down with a rag if he's not feeling the charm? I was going to say that the same thing goes for a girl wiping down a guy, but this is Kaz we're talking about. She does whatever she wants, whenever she wants. No rules apply to her. She was wearing gorilla pants for maker's sake!

Back to the task at hand, I was not so helpful. I just snapped the rag at Danny's butt. And then he hugged me and nuzzled my neck and got me all muddy! I was so MAD (not really)! We ended up leaving shortly after that so we could get cleaned up and I'm pretty sure the party left with us. But all in all, it was a really great night that I'm stacking up with all the other ones I've had lately.

Oh! Kaz and I are going to start a car wash, too! I don't know when or how or if people here drive, but I think it's a good idea. Maybe we'll call it Two Girls and some Monkey Legs or something like that. Who knows? Speaking of Kazzy, I need to go find her to give her the down low details on my night and interrogate her about Muscles (Jay). I'm out for now.

Entry 3:

I'm still plotting my revenge against Stu. Nothing really spectacular has struck me yet other than striking him. But this isn't about him. I seriously just got home and I couldn't wait to write about the Ah-May-Zing night I had.

Danny had let it slip to Kazzy that at some point in the evening he was thinking of going to a local fruity tea shop in town to read. So, being the good friends that we are we decided to go add a little fun to his evening that you couldn't find in a boring old book.

Stix and Geko were on the case as well as the scene. KazKaz of course was going on about how hungry she was and eyeing all the sweets at the counter. I swear that girl could pack away the horse and still have room leftover, but she's the stringiest bean I know. Kazzy could possibly because the next new diet fad. You just sit her in your kitchen and she'll automatically devour all of your treats, like a Roomba for your fridge.

We found Danny chilling in a corner on a beanbag chair reading. The entire situation was begging for a dog pile and we quickly complied. Kazzy did the most ridiculous belly flop onto Danny and the bag then I plopped down onto both of them. We were like three very awkward peas in a pod.

Speaking of awkward, Kazzy then directed the conversation towards my enjoyment of being on top! The conversation quickly went to hell in a hand basket from there. Kazzy started telling Danny that I ways always trying to molest her and that I was worse than Stu! There is a big difference between tackling someone and pinning them to the ground while straddling them and a mack-out session!

... Okay, maybe to the untrained eye it's hard to tell the difference, but they are not the same thing! Straight up!

They kept talking about sex. My sex. The sex I have and I had to be honest that it's more like the lack thereof as of late, but whatever. I'm not down to just give it up to one of the chumps around this place. I have standards! Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude or anything even though it might have came off that way as I tried to get them to stop. But I'm sure there would be a ton of people getting flustered while discussing acts of swerve around a guy you're kind of digging on. Anyway, I was able to shift the conversation over to Kazzy's sexcapades, but Danny and I couldn't think of anything to say. Kazzy scolded us both and say that we wouldn't have the parts if we weren't supposed to use them. Leave it to Kazzy to make everything so black and white.

We joked around longer. Kazzy and I kept squirming around on the beanbag chair/Danny while talking about how often we make out. HaHa, Danny finally got to the point where he could barely even speak. He was just staring at us both in weird disbelief with his jaw hanging open. Oh! And then Kazzy said something about him going "stiffboard". So, I seriously just thought that meant he was in shock and like, stiff as a board. Uhm, come to find out that's not exactly right. Apparently it means Danny was... happy to be around us? But I didn't know! Kazzy ran out on us after that and left us both just sitting in the beanbag chair.

Oh man, do you remember that old bit "Who's on first?" We totally had one of those moments when Kazzy left. It was insane and went something like:

Lizzie: Sooo... These things are pretty comfy. (I was poking at the beanbag)
Danny: Uh, yeah! Just, uh, careful where your hands go right now... (Weird, right?)
Lizzie: Why? Is it ready to explode at any moment because we were all over it? (I was talking about the beanbag chair!)
Danny: Uh, you could say that, sure... (Was Totally NOT Talking About The Bean Bag Chair!)
Lizzie: Really? Wow! They don't make them like they used to I guess. I had a friend and he could just beat his up for hours without it going all over. (Beanbag!)
Danny: Well, uh. Your friend must have been very careful with it, then. (Not Beanbag!)
Lizzie: Phhbt. No way. He was so rough with it. He even let all of us use it. That thing would get all passed around at parties and everything. (And now I understand why he looked at me like I was the weirdest chick ever!)
Danny: He would..? Wow, that guy must've got a lot of play then.
Lizzie: Play? For letting people use his beanbag chair? Are they really that popular, because if so then I think I'm going to steal this one tonight?
Danny: His chair? We were talking about.. Oh! No, I thought we were talking about... never mind.

Finally, I realized what the heck he was talking about and I learned what stiffboard meant! It was very educational. But all joking aside I am about to spit some crazy serious stuff to you.

So, catch the scene. We're still both sitting on the beanbag chair. We moved around so we were chilling right next to each other. And then Danny reached over and started playing with the strings on my pants. Then he just put his hand on my stomach. And he was talking about how much he liked the way I dress. I told him that if he was messing with me and suddenly said "gotcha" I wasn't responsible for my actions. I even said that Kazzy had a shovel, which I'm not entirely sure about. I really need to check with her on that later today.

Anyway, we're sitting there and talking about how Danny makes the just rolled out of bed thing look good. He said he had to since he sleeps so much and I asked if it's because Kazzy and I wear him out. He said we're a hand full, but he hadn't been worn out enough. Oh-kay. Seriously? I was trying to act all sorts of calm and cool, but I was freaking out so hard on the inside. I was excited and had butterflies in my stomach, but I was trying to not get too worked up because that's just how he rolls. Danny said he was going to have monkey sex with Kazzy in the rain! So, this was just him being him. Just because I want the words to carry a bit more spark for me doesn't mean they actually do.

BUT! Ladies and gentleman of the journal! We finally got to the point where he asked me about being on top again. I mean, he's a guy. Whatever. That's fine. I sort of confirmed that Kazzy was speaking gospel and that I did like being in control and making boys squirm. He didn't laugh. He didn't chuckle. He didn't even snicker. He just leaned over and whispered in my ear that it sounded fun. Couldn't you just die here and now!? My stomach is still tweaked just thinking about it. But then I did a one up and I kissed him. No tongue, you pervs! It was really innocent! But I just had to and he didn?t sock me so that was a plus.

Right after that he said that sleep called. Before I could even get sad over the quickness in which he wanted to leave he asked me to come with him to his place. I mean, we've had sleepovers before. Either he stays at my place or me at his. Whatever's closest. But the way he asked was really direct. Usually we just sort of skirt around invitations. It was crazy. I, of course, accepted.

And that's where I leave you, handy dandy notebook. We left, went back to Danny's, and went straight to bed. Nothing happened though. The most action that occurred was me falling asleep with my arm across his chest and his hand sort of resting on that arm. I guess the funny part is that if I had to decide between falling asleep with Danny and having crazy sex with some random RhyDin riff-raff. I would pick Danny hands down.

Alright, now I have to go punch something so I earn back some tough points after gushing about all this. Maybe hitting Stu isn?t such a bad idea after all.

Entry 4:

Poor defiled journal.

I didn't write anything yesterday because every time I tried I just got irritated that Kazzy went through my stuff and read everything I wrote. Well, maybe irritated isn't the right word. Maybe flustered is. Embarrassed. But I talked to her last night and everything is fine with us. She was her usually KazKaz self and I really couldn't stay mad at her. She's the best friend I've got around this joint and I don't feel like losing that over something so stupid. Except I still don't know what the heck happened to my green tank top.

But while I fixed one problem I seemed to have created another one. And the worst part is I really don't know what I did wrong.

So, pretty much it goes that Kazzy, Danny, and I were hanging out in the arena. I was so upset that I was talking to her about what she did right in front of Danny. She kept tossing out comments about squeaking beds and things he wasn't doing for me. I don't know, maybe I was just hoping it would go in one ear and out the other? Kazzy headed out leaving Danny and I alone as per usual (do we smell? It always ends up with just us). We started talking and he didn't let what Kaz said slide. He asked me about it. I can't remember everything that was said, it was an awkward blur of stuttering and sweat. He was talking about how he could put her comments together with how I act.

I panicked. All I knew was that that I didn't want him to think I was mad we didn't screw or something. Because I'm not! I really enjoy being around him and while I do have some deeper feelings for him I don't want to rush anything. And I really don't want to push him into anything if he doesn't want it. So I told him that I didn't expect anything from him and that I liked hanging around him as a friend. I figured that was the best way to go. But he had his hand on my knee as I was talking and right when I finished he took it off and looked really upset.

I just don't get it. I don't know what I said that was so horrible. I just wanted him to understand that him being my friend is really important and that I don't want him to feel like he has to do anything extra with me to keep it that way. I would love if we bumped things up a bit, but if he doesn't want to then I get it. I mean, I thought I was being pretty direct with things? I kiss him. I sleep in his bed and invite him to do the same in mine. Do friends do that sort of stuff? I didn't think so, but what the hell do I know? I just figure if he hasn't returned those feelings by now then I guess they're not there. Before I could continue on or try to fix anything that I unknowingly broke he got up really fast and said he had to leave. Had to go home and sleep. My heart sank. I didn't even get a chance to figure out what happened.

But what hurt the most was that I asked him if he wanted company. He said no. He told me to go protect my apartment from Kazzy. Said he didn't mean to put me on the spot. It felt like someone has punched me right in the gut. So, I just left. I came home. And I went to bed. I don't even know how I did. I thought I would be tossing and turning, but on my way home I was doing nothing but replaying everything in my head. I think I wore myself out trying to not scream.

So, that's where it is now. The Stringbean and I are cool. And I think Danny hates me.

I need to go find Kazzy and talk to her. And make her buy me cookies.

Entry 6:

A while ago I briefly talked to Danny about my Nana. I've been really stuck in the present lately, but I want to write a little bit about her. So, here goes:

Most would say my Nana was really whacked out when she lived with us.

It had been Dad and I for a while, about four years, and then Nana came to live with us because she was getting more and more looped as time went on. Papa had passed away maybe a year before that so we were all she had since my Dad didn't have any brothers or sisters. It was cool though. I loved my Nana and I was down to have her around.

So, I'm a kid and I have my Dad explaining how people change as they get older and telling me about how age can affect their mind and memory. I didn't quite get it, but it didn't matter. She looked like my Nana so how different could she be?

The thing I remember most about her when she lived with us was all of her friends. She would sit at the kitchen table staring out the window and talk to these people over coffee. Sometimes one at a time or sometimes there was a party going on and she would have three others sitting around with her. But they were people that my Dad and I couldn't see because they weren't actually there. She saw them though. Even late at night (I see where I got my night owl habits from) I could hear he tittering away about what she was going to do around the house when the sun rose. At first it scared the crap out of me, but then it just became a part of life. Besides, she spoke so highly of me to them I was pretty okay with it even if I did think it was pretty weird.

But now here I am in this cracked out town. I've talked to elves, been dissed by a dwarf, and I think a vampire tried to make out with me. So, what does this have to do with Nana? Well, I wonder if she wasn't as off as we all thought. I mean, what if she just saw things that my Dad and I weren't cool enough to accept? What if she had somehow swiped a VIP pass that gave her all access to the backstage of something really intense?

Or maybe she just liked making her coffee a little Irish. I don't know, man. She's gone now and I was so wrapped up in my own bag that I never sat down and had her introduce me to her buddies. I think I'll always regret that. But I guess it has taught me that... if someone is sitting around talking to a person you don't see, you need to seize that moment and have them introduce you to their friend. Because you never know when that drunken insane old person could just be a little more aware of what's going on than you.

Or they really could just be drunk and off the deep end. In that case you should run.

Entry 8:

When I was younger I had what I guess you could call a rebellious streak. I mean, obviously I've grown out of that now! Heh, okay. Maybe not, but back in the day I would do really stupid stuff for no rhyme or reason. At least the things I do now have some sort of Story behind them (or so I say). Anyway, I write most of them off to just being young and dumb. Stupid acts of a child with too much time on their hands. We've all done them and hopefully we've all grown as people because of them.

One of these stupid acts happened when I was around ten or so, I was bored. Couldn't think of anything to do to amuse myself so I just started walking around the apartment complex we lived in, my Dad, Nana and I. There's no one around and nothing that's grabbing my attention, I'm seriously goin' out of my skull. We lived on the sixth floor and I even took to going up and down to other floors. I ended up down in the mail room. It was just four walls with rows of little silver boxes that you needed keys to unlock, nothing too interesting.

But then I saw it. One little box that was kind of cracked open. It looked like whoever was in it last didn't shut it properly when they went to lock it back up. So, I look it over a bit and finally got the nerve to open it up. I was surprised to see there was a red envelope sitting inside there. I really should have just closed it back up and left it there, but why would I be telling you this story if that's what I did? Instead I reached in and carefully removed the envelope. I felt like Indiana Jones or something grabbing it. I closed the box back up and I shoved the envelope in my pocket before taking off to the stair well with my prize.

So, I'm sitting in the stairs and I'm looking over this red envelope. It was pretty flat except towards the bottom. It felt like there was something inside it. Nothing too big, but definitely something. My mind is racing over what it could be. I don't remember who it was from or what address it was going to, but I do remember the name of the person it was for. Mrs. Elsbrie. After all these years I still remember that name.

Finally, I slid a finger under the flap of the envelope and tore it open. Really slow and careful like I was afraid of it exploding at any moment. What did I find? A birthday card. Just something about best wishes and enjoying yourself on your big day. And the thing that was inside of it? An orange peeler. One of those little stick like things like the little hook on it so you could get the skin off really easy, you know? I don't know what I was expecting to find, but it all seemed so dull outside of that red envelope.

I wasn't amused anymore. I tossed the card, peeler, and ripped red envelope off to the side before going back to my apartment. I just continued on. Probably played some video games or listened to music, who knows? It's not important.

But I still remember that day. How I just tossed it all off to the side and left it there. We ended up moving to a new apartment and I never found out who Mrs. Elsbrie was. I don't know if she ever got that card and peeler. But I've thought about it a lot over the years.

What if Mrs. Elsbrie was really old? What if her hands were so bad she couldn't peel oranges without that stupid peeler and she never got it so she couldn't have them? What if that card was from a long lost friend that she fought with really badly and that orange peeler was a sign of truce? What if it was a lover from the past and that was a reminder of the oranges they would eat during picnics on a warm summers day in Central Park? Or maybe she was just a single Mom and that was a way to make her day easier when getting a snack for her kid?

Someone put the time and effort into sending it to her. And just like that, with one stupid act I ruined it. And out of all the stuff I've done in my life that's one of the things I'm really ashamed of. And I really wish I could have met Mrs. Elsbrie. I wish I could have told her I was sorry. That it didn't seem like a big deal at the time. And I would ask her if she would eat some oranges with me.

Entry 10:

Alright, I got so wrapped up in practice dates and playing tag that by Thursday night I still didn't give Kazzy her bat back yet. I figured it was all cool though. She knew I had it. It was safe. Well, I underestimated Kazz (the number one RULE of Kazzy is to NEVER underestimate her).

I head into the bar and no sign of her or Danny as I stroll on up to the bar. But Muscles is there. Her starts going on about... I don't know. He was just chattin' it up which was cool. That's fine. Whatever. Anyway, next thing I know I suddenly have a Kazzy growing out of my wrist! What do I mean? I mean that she jumped out at me and handcuffed her twiggy wrist to me! Pink handcuffs at that! After she had the bowling balls to do that she ended up hiding behind Muscles while yelling about wanting her bat back! This chick doesn't give up (and that's why she's my friend).

So, I'm in front of him. She's behind him. Jay is in the middle of a Smash Brothers sandwich! We're yelling back and forth and our wrists are hooked together. Mind you all of this is going down while Jay is holding a cup of coffee in his hand. Next thing you know, one wrong jerk of an arm and suddenly Muscles is wearing his midnight me pick up down the front of his shirt. He starts screaming about how it burns (who drinks hot coffee, really?) and he takes off like a bat out of hell up the stairs to his room. We felt sort of bad, but Kazzy and I do come with warning labels when it comes to interacting with us. Oh! And while he was going up the stairs he took his shirt off. What is with that dude hatin' clothes?

After burning someone's flesh with coffee you would figure the night would get boring, but that's not the case for Spazzy and I! We realized that we really liked being handcuffed together. It's kind of soothing to know you could say a bunch of horribly weird stuff and at least one person can't run away from you no matter how badly they want to.

We decided to take out freak show on the road and left the bar. We really got it down to a science on how to work those cuffs. We had signals for when we had to turn to go in doors and which side of poles to side around (that one took us more times to figure out then I would like to admit). We also found some kids and made them play Red Rover with us. We totally won hands down! Oh! and we realized it's really odd to go to the bathroom with one person outside of the stall.

When we got back to the bar we went upstairs to give Danny a wake up call (at like, eleven o'clock at night). We stood outside of his room with our arms stretched out across his door. Then we started pounding on it like mad women hoping he would come running out. But then he ruined it and just sort of poked his head out the door. We yelled at him and he just sort of sighed and closed the door again. We were kind of confused and figured he just realized that his sanity was not worth hanging out with two bangin' blondes. Then! All of a sudden the door opened and he came darting out and ran into our arms getting clotheslined just like we planned. Sure, it was all Matrix style slow motion, but it amused us to no end. And isn't that the most important thing in life? For Kazzy and I to be amused?

I think so.

Entry 12:

Alright, things almost came crumbling down in the life of Lizzie. It was NOT pretty.

I met up with Danny at the tea shop and we snuggled up in his favorite bean bag chair. The usual random conversation ensued and then he gave me a paper bag that was tied with the bandana I had used to stop him from bleeding after his run in with the lion man. Inside was a bunch of cookies! All different kinds! He has learned early on the best way to my heart is through my stomach, especially when it comes to cookies! I can't really remember anything other than the cookies. Everything about that night is sort of this wicked blur except for a few choice moments.

What sort of moments you ask?

Well, how about some girl strolling in and come to find out it was the Eye! I never talked about the Eye in here because I didn't put any thought into her really. Kazzy made some on the fly comment about Danny having a chick, but I had never seen her or heard him talk about her so I just figured it was KazKaz being KazKaz. She's called the Eye because apparently the only time Kazzy met her she was giving the stink eye.

So, Danny and I are kicking back in a bean bag chair. I'm all sorts of draped over him and then Ol' Stink Eye looks like I just kicked her puppy while telling her there is no Santa. AWK-WARD. Her and Danny are going back and forth while I'm sitting there feeling like a Grade A TOOL. She's goin' on about being busy and how he should come to the club and see her so they could talk. Then she looks at me like I'm supposed to be upset that she asked him to go to the club. Like THE CLUB was the part of this situation I had an issue with! Are You Kidding Me, Stink Eye!? I think I have more issue with the fact that the guy I'm macking on forgot to break up with his last girlfriend!

She comes in like a sandstorm and then grabs her bag and heads out. I'm at a total loss when it comes to what to say and do. Danny gets up and starts talking about how he's going to leave. I didn't want him to and I told him that. I wasn't mad. Far from it actually. Maybe I should have been? Maybe it would have made me feel better? Instead I just sort of felt lost. I went along the girl tip and told him I wanted to walk. That he couldn't just leave me alone with all that baggage. He understood. We gathered our things and left.

We walked for a long time. We laid it all out. It was kind of refreshing to be so honest with someone who wasn't going to laugh at me (Kazzy). He told me about this chick. How she was okay and how they didn't even get that serious before she sort of stopped coming around. How he just penned it to her getting bored with him or something. He told me how he really did like me. How he didn't want to hurt me. I told him I liked him a lot, too. How I just wanted him to be okay, but I was afraid of him not wanting to hang out with me anymore if she was back in the picture.

The air around us, let me tell you, it was thick, man. You could smack your lips and taste it. It was heavy with confusion and anger and sadness. All of this stuff that we were talking out but that uncertainty that tends to linger around us was still creepin'.

We ended up at my apartment. Both of us still kind of on edge. Kind of shook. And then (I have ALWAYS wanted to use this line) one thing led to another. We ended up in the bedroom and we got it all out there without saying a word. It was rough, angry, teeth gritting banging and it was delicious. Every bit of frustration got worked out and then some until we were two useless heaps of flesh.

After that? We just fell asleep. We were content. Peaceful. Happy knowing that things would work out alright in the end if we wanted them to.

Sometimes it's good being Lizzie.

Entry 14:

I'm losing track of days, man. And it's not even because of brews or anything like that. Things have just been going full swing and a weird sleep schedule has made it hard to know what's what. So, I'll just toss out some highlights for you and take them as you will.

At one point I was hanging out with Kazzy and we started talking about skirts. Now, I hate skirts. I don't understand the point of them. Seems silly really. I haven't worn a skirt in years and I'm quite happy leavin' it like that. I knew things were going to change with derby, but that's different in my opinion. I got a skirt on, but we also wear leggings. The other point? I'm hitting people as I wear the skirt! You can't feel like a priss when you're shoving girls down even if it is in a skirt. Heck, even Jay and that Ashton kid were going to wear them! So Spazzy and I are going on about skirts and she says I should wear one and I bring up my theory on hitting people while wearing 'em. I asked her, as a joke, if she would let me hit her while wearing it. She agreed! That girl is a sucker for pain, I'll tell you what.

Danny showed up for the skirt talk and he got all sorts of excited. Started talking about "what kind of skirt?" There are different kinds!? Geez. Anyway, the terms come down to I have to wear a skirt (Kazzy is going to let me raid her closet for one). While wearing said skirt I am going to hit Kazzy. I guess a punch to the face or something? Afterwards, I have to give her a cookie. For some reason Kazzy and I can't make any deals that don't end with cookies. But that's like our peace pipe or something! Munch the cookie, man! Feel the good vibes! After all the skirt talk Danny just kept giving me these silly smiles. I think he's really excited about it. Maybe it'll be a nice change of pace for him to not worry if I'm going to wear the same outfit as him? HA!

Friday we hit up the arena in full swing. The beer was flowing like a waterfall of awesome. The air stank of sweat. Ear drums were pierced by Kazzy laughing at her own jokes.

She's been working at a construction site lately. She's all sorts of excited because they pay her to hit things with a sledge hammer all day long. At least it gets some of her destructive energy out before she comes into my place or anything. Anyway, Kazzy came running into the arena gripping a hose and a bucket she "borrowed" from work. We are SO getting our Anything That Moves Wash off the ground. We'll be washing everything. I've pretty much been scraping by around here anyway. I've been keeping busy by doing some odd jobs here and there. I painted someone's house even. Not the fun kind of painting though. Actual painting. With a roller. It was like making a smoker sit with an unlit cigarette hanging from their lips or something. So close yet so very far away. I think my next step is to rock a lemonade stand at Kesey. When I was a kid that got me all sorts of bank for ice cream cones and stuff. Maybe if I wear my bikini top Stu will buy all the lemonade since I won't let him loiter around otherwise.

Back to the arena at hand. Friday. Well, nothing really that crazy happened even though it was a really good night. Oh! Except Muscles and KazKaz dueled with nerf bats! That was hilarious! She kept swinging for the fences on his poor head! Danny and I were cheerleaders and did out usual BS act at the bar. One of these nights I'm going to get the stones up to hit the ring. I just don't really get the rules to it or anything but it seems like something I could do. I'm not saying I'm a force to be reckoned with, but I can hold my own in a fight. It just seems like there's a difference between duels and a normal fight on the street. Or maybe it's not? Maybe I'm just putting too much thought into things as usual.

Alright, I have to book. Speaking of odd jobs Kazzy let me take over her dog walking for the day since she's crackin' melons with a sledge hammer. Should be interesting.

Entry 16:

SundaySundaySunday in the Annex!

Danny and I had been hanging out in his room before deciding to roll out and hit the town for the night. I was seriously bursting with pent up energy. You don't even know. The moment we got there we spotted Muscles who gave me a been minus the roofie. I had made a joke to him but he didn't really smile. Seriously, he's so hot and cold sometimes I can't even begin to understand it. Sometimes it seems like he's cool and buddy buddy with us and other times it just feels like he's miles away. You're never quite sure which Jay you're going to get.

I declared that Danny had to drink since I was and he requested a fruity drink as usual. I don't know how to make fruity drinks so he ended up with a beer as well, but his had a chunk of lemon forced into the neck of it. Jay went off to fight leaving Danny and I to chat it up. We talked about a lot of random stuff including his love for fruity drinks. And then I got the best idea ever! I said we should buy a blender! Danny agreed it was an amazing idea and we both sat for a while just basking in the idea of living in Margaritaville. Oh, then realization totally struck that Kazzy would probably take the blender and use it for evil. So I'm going to go to Cheeky's to try to find her a toy blender. If I really have to protect the blender I might even go as far as buying her a glue gun. I just really want the blender and I don't want it to get broken!

Uhm, seriousness for a moment though. Jay by now had gotten done with his fight and was hanging around. Danny and I were talking about Kazzy's toy when Danny asked why we were being stared at. Wha'? Now, when I'm out runnin' the town I'm on guard. I've gone this many years without too much conflict and that's because I'm usually pretty good with knowing my surroundings and when to get out of dodge. When I'm hanging around with friends and kicking back? All that stuff is just on the back burner. I just focus on what's going on and call it even so I had no idea what he was going on about. He said that Jay apparently kept looking at us.

I wasn't really worried about it. I mean, yeah, Jay may come off a bit chilled at times but he's still our friend. Besides, Danny wasn't even able to confirm if it was stink eye or not. He just said it felt weird. I don't know. I didn't see anything so I can make a decision on it. I even tried cracking jokes and Danny was not feeling them whatsoever. He seriously seemed shook. It was a really rough moment, but I think Danny realized how uncomfortable I was getting and changed the subject. To my hair!

I was wearing my hair in pigtails and I guess now that is my official hairdo according to Danny. He said I look cute with them. well, no, wait... he said I look F-ing cute with them. Ha! So yeah, more pigtails. And out of no where Kazzy came in! I think her hair sense were tingling or something. She really enjoys doing hair and I think she gets mad that I won't let her floof mind up more. But what am I going to do? Strut around with curls in my hair while I'm covered in paint and marker? Weird.

Right off the bat she pulled her tub of goo out of her bag and started slathering it on Danny's head. She was going for a faux hawk which I don't know about her but I love! Oh, and Danny was totally blatant and asked Kazzy for her goo. Right in front of me even! JerryJerryJerry! We both hassled him and he threatened to tell Kazzy what we were going to buy. She assumed it was a glue gun, but I put an end to that fast. Lizzie: The Dream Killer! Hair styled and dirty jokes put out into the air (so. many. jokes.) Kazzy left in her normal quick fashion leaving Danny and I alone as usual.

Seriously, Kazzy can think I'm clueless all she wants. But after she left Danny touched on how she always shows up when he's trying to put the moves on me. Which I pointed out doesn't even count because he's always trying to put the moves on me! I told him that's why I can't take him painting sometimes because I'm afraid of him macking on me mid-piece. He got all excited over the idea. Such a pervo! Buuut then he started talking about the fountain in the Market Place. Truth time. I seriously can't think of the fountain without thinking of banging on it. I don't know why! I told him his temptations with public macking on a fountain were aaalmost working and he questioned what would tip the scale. I told him he had to carry me AND buy me a blender! He agreed!

So, there was a lot of wackiness going on but this is what Sunday gave us:

Beer
Fruity Beer
Pigtails
Faux hawks
Creepy looks
Killed dreams
Blenders
Sex on the fountain in the Market Place in the middle of the night

It was a busy evening!

Entry 18:

Tuesday I hit up the Outback. At first there wasn't really anything poppin' but Danny showed up with a quickness and it was all good. Briefly the subject of conversation was Jay and his outburst along with the resulting havoc, but I wasn't really down for that and luckily things switched pretty fast.

I offered to get Danny one of his fruity beers. Perhaps with a piece of mango in it. Well, this chick perked and was like "OMG! Mango!?" It was hi-larious. Her name was Myria and survey says she seems like a pretty cool chick. Oh! And when Kazzy showed up Myria checked out her butt.

So, the most interesting part of the night was having to explain Starbucks to Kazzy. I crap you not! I told her I would explain but first she had to say "I don't know what Starbucks is." I mean, it sounds weird, but seriously. Back home there was about five of them on every square block! The Starbucks had Starbucks! She whined for a while and I had to promise to buy her a shake from the Burger shack to say it. But it was sooo worth it! The conversation went something like:

Kazzy: I don't knooooooooooooow what a Starbucks is.
Lizzie: Totally worth it. A Starbucks is a coffee shop from where I'm from. Everyone is strung out and stressed so they drink more coffee to make themselves feel better. It doesn't help. There is one Starbucks on every corner.
Kazzy: Um, is this some kinda slang for drugs and drug addicts?
Lizzie: Yes. Yes it is.
Kazzy: So what do you call junkies? Starbies? And what the frick does this have to do with me being Iced?!
Lizzie: We call them CEOs and Managers. And they sell Iced things. Like Iced Chai. Which is slang for crack.
Kazzy: What does happen if you ice crack?
Lizzie: Do you have any crack we can put into the cooler?
Kazzy: Nooo. We should totally get some and see what happens. Then we should do that thing where you catch a bee and freeze it and remove its wings and unfreeze it.
Lizzie: I think we do. For science or something- What the hell? Bee Freeze?
Kazzy: You know the bee wanders around and is all like "Derr what happened to meeee?" And buzzing and stuff moving like this. (which she indeed showed us) I never did it but that's how Tommy told me it went.
Lizzie: Who is Tommy?
Kazzy: Only like THE hottest guy in fifth grade!

What a spaz. Shortly after that the mother ship called and she had to leave. While talking about Starbucks Danny revealed that caffeine gives him the twitches. So! I dragged him off to force feed him coffee. But... when it came down to actually doing it I didn't have the heart and we just made out. Whatever. I still had fun.

Entry 20:

Yesterday was... interesting. And I don't just mean there was one interesting part. I mean, like, the whole thing was just this wicked trip that I wasn't able to come down from.

I started off the day by going to the market to try to find a present for Danny. I knew exactly what I wanted and I was on a mission. I was looking for a candle for him to put in his room since he always says it sort of stinks. Something to make it smell good. In particular I wanted an oatmeal cinnamon cookie candle.

Oh! I forgot to write in my other entry about our date! Danny gave me a stripper name. I'm Cinnamon!

So, yeah. Oatmeal cinnamon cookie. Yum. I spent so much time going through shops trying to find this thing. I didn't even know if it existed or not. I really don't know a thing about candles. I guess there's not really much to know about them, but that makes it even worse that I know nothing. So, I finally hit up this one shop and I found the candle. It was perfect! It smelled just like freshly baked cookies. I was so stoked and I bought it right up. The lady that owned the shop probably thought I was a nut but she seemed really sweet. I had even told her it was a gift and she said she was sure the person would like it.

Okay, so I leave there and I'm wandering around. And... I don't even know. Something weird happened. Thinking back maybe I sort of went insane from the heat. I don't even think I'm going to write about it yet. I want to work this out in my head before I put down on paper. I know putting stuff down on paper is a way to work it out, but this was really... it was bad. Or maybe it was good? I don't know. That's why I need to think about it.

Hours later I ended up at the Annex trying to find Danny. Present in hand. I gave it to him and he seemed like he really enjoyed it. Gave me a thank you kiss and everything!

We didn't really get to revel in the moment for long though. Jay was there. He had sort of slipped in wearing a hoodie and sunglasses. Total duh on my part for not noting him earlier, but in my defense he had his hair covered and that's the Muscle's calling card right there. He went and sat at a table with Candy. Danny asked if I wanted to go talk to him and I said I wasn't sure. But Danny just stood up and pushed me along to the table saying we should be good people.

It was all okay at first. Jay said he was trying to find help to figure out what happened to him that night he went wacky (putting it SO lightly). But him and Danny started tiffing a bit. Danny brought up about the night Jay was watching us. Or staring. Or just looking. I don't know what it was. Jay said as long as Danny stayed away from him he wouldn't get hurt. Candy said there was a reason Jay was looking at us. It was just a bunch of people talking at once, but I got upset at the threats and talk of people fighting. I asked if we were all friends and no one really paid attention.

Jay said if he told me why he was looking at us I wouldn't believe him. And if I did I would be hurt. He said it was better he just keep it to himself and let us think what we want about him. Then he stood up to walk away. Just like that. Up and off.

I don't know what got into me. I just... No, that's a lie. I know exactly what got into me. People walking away. I can't stand it. It's the worst thing someone can do. Sit. Yell. Punch me. Spit in my face. I don't care. But to just walk away? Like I'm not even worth the effort? It hurts. I wonder if part of what happened next occurred because of what I saw in the market place. It was really wearing in my head and I was trying to forget it, but him turning his back just didn't help.

I stood up and I slammed my fists on the table. I told him not to walk away. I told him we just wanted to understand and that he wouldn't sit and talk it out with us. Instead he was just being cryptic and leaving. I told him that if he thought that's all we deserve then that said plenty right there. I feel bad for saying it now. I wish I would have had one of those moments where I'm at a loss for words, but those only come at the most inconvenient times. I didn't know what I was expecting. I really don't. It all just came out.

He did stop. He looked back. It was weird. The hardest look I've gotten in my life really. I can't explain it. But then he just said "Good luck, you two" and out he went.

Candy stood up to leave. Jay didn't feel like sharing but she did. She told us that Jay's nugget of truth was that he had seen Danny kissing another girl. Now, handy dandy notebook. Before you get up in arms the girl he was most likely talking about in this chain of events was a girl named Lyssa. Danny kissed her to get some guy to leave her alone. We were barely a blip at the time if my memory serves me right. I had no claim over him and he told me about it the next day. But imagine it from Jay's point of view. He just sees a guy he knows his friend has the hots for mackin' on another girl. In his head if he told me Danny did it I either wouldn't believe him and would peg him a liar or I would and that would suck, too. I get that now.

Jay is my buddy and he was just trying to do the good friend thing. I just wish we could have talked it out and cleared the air before he left. But I know he was just trying to protect me and I should probably let that be known next time I see him. If I see him. Bah.

Candy left. Danny and I were alone. I was upset. He was cracking jokes I think in an attempt to make me feel better. I asked him if he ever got serious over stuff. He said this sort of stuff wasn't worth getting upset about then he kissed my forehead and told me he seriously adores me. I asked what was worth getting serious about and he said people getting hurt. I get that.

But I had to ask, "Will you make sure I don't get hurt?" And he gave me a look. As serious as his tone. And he replied, "I won't let anything hurt you so long as I'm alive." I really don't know if he was joking or not. Not for sure since we go back and forth between the two so much.

But I think he meant it.

Alright, I need to go clear my thoughts. I'm emotionally exhausted from everything that has been going on and I think I need a little paint therapy.

Entry 22:

This is going to be quick. In a second here I'm going to start hitting the pavement. I've been racking my brain and I think I'm pretty set on this now. I did this sort of stuff back home for chump change, but I think I want to make a name for myself doing some freelance stuff. I think I just need to get out there and see what's needed. I've been really slacking and just barely holding on by a thread. Maybe I can find a way to be a little more comfortable, you know? Let the cookies flow!

Anyway, I think I'm addicted to dueling. Tuesday I was able to slip one DoF in with some total chump at the Outback. I forget what he name was. Twiggy, I think. HA! I kid! Kazzy and I dueled and she beat me. But it was 5-4 in 7! So, I improved! She also got her cookies from that guy she beat. And after much thought I realized that the cream part of the cookie is the best part.

Alright, I'm out. I told you this was going to be brief!

Entry 24:

Okay, now I don't have a job to blame on my lack of keeping you in the loop. This is just pure laziness, but let's remedy that now!

Monday night I high tailed it over to the Outback since I hadn't been there for a while. My two P.I.C.s were M.I.A. but apparently I'm so lovable I made a new friend straight off the bat. I forget what his name was or I don't think I caught it. I just kept calling him Puppy because he called me a kitten. Doesn't know a Geko when he sees one apparently. Anyway, he was a big chunk o' man though and had pure attitude running through him. Any other time I wouldn't really have paid attention except he grabbed his crotch and told me to bond with it (Sartan laughed for days)! GagGag. Small object. Choking hazard. Whatever. He was glaring daggers at me the entire night and made a big production of flipping me off when he left. I have such a profound affect on people!

No matter what happened though nothing can get me down right now because there is an awesome move in the works! I'm not the one moving, Danny is! He's coming to Kesey and it's about damn time. I really have no idea how he stayed at the Inn for this long, but more props to him. It will be nice to have him close by because when I get insomnia at night I tend to truck all the way over to the Inn to give him a wake up call to keep me company. Now I'll only have to jog a flight of stairs. And this probably means there are more of his awesome pancakes in my future.

I talked to Kazzy about it and she assumed when I said he was coming to Kesey I meant he was moving in with me, but that's not the deal. He's got his own apartment. I thought on having him move in with me before, don't get me wrong, but I was too scared to bring it up when he started talking about his escape from his room o' stank at the RDI. Yeahyeah, stupid on me, I know. But what if he said that he didn't want to and things got all awkward? I mean, we haven't been dating for that long. Moving in together is actually a really big deal! I think people around RhyDin just view relationships and stuff differently. It seems like some people get together, move in, get married, and have kids all in the span of a few months. Makes you wonder what the divorce rate is like. Oh well, Danny and I work out fine together. We just sort of skirt issues like this until one day when we trip and fall all over them. Makes for a lot of bruised knees, but it all works out in the end.

Speaking of Danny's move I should probably hit the trail and head to the Inn to help him out. He didn't have much to pack up, just some clothes, but those boxes aren't going to carry themselves all the way over here.

Call me pack mule.

Entry: 26

Mrs. Lindsey Brooks Lizzie ♥ Danny Mrs. Lindsey Brooks Mrs. Lindsey Brooks
Mrs. Lindsey Brooks Geko + Stretch 4Lyfe Mrs. Lindsey Brooks LL&DB 4EVER
Mrs. Lindsey Brooks LL + DB Lizzie Brooks Mrs. Lindsey Brooks Lizzie ♥ Danny
Geko + Stretch 4Lyfe Mrs. Lindsey Brooks Lizzie ♥ Danny Mrs. Lindsey Brooks
Mrs. Lindsey Brooks - Lindsey & Daniel Brooks - Lizzie Brooks - LL+DB 4EVER
Lizzie ♥ Danny Mrs. Lindsey Brooks Geko + Stretch 4Lyfe Mrs. Lindsey Brooks
Mrs. Lindsey Brooks Geko + Stretch 4Lyfe Mrs. Lindsey Brooks LL&DB 4EVER
Mrs. Lindsey Brooks LL + DB Lizzie Brooks Mrs. Lindsey Brooks Lizzie ♥ Danny
Mrs. Lindsey Brooks Lizzie ♥ Danny Mrs. Lindsey Brooks Geko + Stretch 4Lyfe
Lizzie Brooks - Mrs. Lindsey Brooks - Mrs. Lindsey Brooks - LL + DB 4 EVER
Mrs. Lindsey Brooks Geko + Stretch 4Lyfe Lizzie ♥ Danny Mrs. Lindsey Brooks




Okay, that was straight up the most ridiculous thing I have ever done. I?m not exactly sure what the point of it was. Apparently that?s what all the other girls do in their journals? I don?t get it. Oh, but let me repeat that! JOURNAL. Handy Dandy Notebook, if anyone ever steps to you calling you a diary I give you permission to backhand them.

Lizzie Liddell does NOT own a diary!

Entry: 28

Well, it finally happened on Friday. After much pestering from Kazzy and (surprisingly) Danny I turned in my dignity for a skirt. Sad, right? This is what happened...

I showed up to Kazzy's earlier on Friday and she was acting extra bouncy (something I thought was impossible!). I just sort of brushed it off then told her we should go scoop Danny so we could head to the bar for a beer, but she said it wasn't needed and that she had already told him to meet us there. Uhm, alright? But what are we going to do for the couple of hours we had until he was going to show up there? No fears! Kazzy had a plan. She starts whipping dresses out of her closet and tossing them on the bed telling me to pick something out. *Spoiler Alert* Kazzy does not ASK people to do stuff. She just TELLS them and assumes they will. The fun part is that majority of the time it works! I don't have a problem with it when she uses her stringbean charms on others, but I'm her BFF! You would think I would get a free pass, but it's a no go.

I skipped the hour long fight I assumed I would lose and searched through the Kazzy approved dresses on the bed, but I wasn't really feeling any of them. They were all really nice, don't get me wrong, but they were more Kazzy's style rather than mine (do I even have a style?). So I start going through her closet myself which practically made Kazzy squeal in delight. She likes when I let go and have my extra girly moments, it makes her feel like she's done some sort of civic duty by reminding me I'm not a dude. Finally, I came across a simple jean skirt deal and figured I could make it work. Kazzy started bustling around getting ready herself. She said she was going to dress up really nice too so I didn't feel like a tool all by myself, but she was happy. Kazzy's got pizazz all her own and loves showing it off.

So, I ditched the track pants and my smelly purple hoodie (okay! I admit it smells! I have retired it until I can do laundry!) for the skirt. I already had some striped white tube socks on and decided to leave them so I wouldn't freeze. I left the wife beater, too. Kazzy came in the room and did what she does best. She laughed at me and said she would help fix what I did. She loaned me a pair of mustard yellow Converse and a dark purple track jacket. Oh! And some theater jewelry out of her HUGE collection. It was teal and plasticy. After that she dragged me into the bathroom and hit me with a curling iron for a bit and then she declared I wasn't a lost cause. When all was said and done I got to see Kazzy's outfit too which looked so amazing. It was a black number with this low neckline that had a creamy colored bow. She even slicked her hair back. She looked like a flapper or something!

So, after that we made our way to the bar to meet up with Danny. When I first walked in I wanted to turn and run, but Kazzy was having no part in it and kept pushing me along. I figured Danny was going to bust a gut laughing at me, but instead he kissed my hand! I don't think I've ever had a guy's lips on my knuckles in a situation where I wasn't socking him! He seemed really happy with my outfit and even said he owed Kazzy some cookies. He also said if he had known it was dress up night he would have done the same, but I told him we wanted it to be a surprise and that he could wear a dress the next day... and he said okay! Kazzy even went out on about stockings and high heels and he was just agreeing right along with it because he was distracted or something. *Note to self* If I ever need to get Danny to agree to something I know he won't... break down and wear a skirt.

And then when all was said and done we just went on like we usually do. Talking about how Kazzy wants to get in on some three-way action with Danny and I. She denied it, but I could see the twinkle of want in her eyes. Also, Danny doesn't drink anymore! He said he's worried about people taking advantage of him while he's sloshed. I just... uhm... okay. His choice! Kazzy and I will just have to make up for him.

And at one point this doctor lady gave us neon band-aids and... she gave me a glow in the dark condom. I was so embarrassed, but Danny was all excited about using it. I think everyone at the bar is in on this huge joke to see how hard they can make me blush. After a long night Kazzy left, but Danny and I weren't that far behind. We took off to his place and... well, everything was fun! Overall, I guess skirts aren't that bad? But don't expect for this to become a daily deal. I was too paranoid about flashing my crotch at strangers the entire night. Ha!

Later, Handy Dandy Notebook.

Entry: 30

Hands down last night was the worst night I've had since I dropped into this place. I'm still in this state of being shocked and numb, I don't know what to do with myself.

I couldn't sleep, but Danny wasn't answering his door when I knocked so I just figured he was crazy passed out. So, I dropped by the bar for a brew by myself. I get there and it's a small crowd, no big deal. But then I see that Tommy's there. I was trying to be laid back and said hey. Figured I could be nice and stuff. His reply was to whip a bottle cap at me, stung me right in the tit! And then he laughed like a little kid or something and told me to come over to his table. I'm stupid. I know this now. I'm an absolute moron and I don't disagree with anyone that says it.

I went over to him and kind of hung back out of his reach. He was sitting in a booth to be exact, big guy had to push the table away from him to make room so the other bench was out of service. He told me to take up space on the tabletop. I asked him what his game plan was, get on in front of him and then sock me in the face? But he said he was sick and not in the mood to hit anyone tonight. Maybe he felt bad for being a jerk those other times? Maybe he really was sick and not up to fighting with anyone? I don't know, but I felt like he was telling the truth and I hoisted myself up onto the table. I just folded my legs and sat back as far as I could without falling onto my head or something.

Then apparently his attitude got a second wind and he asked me why I dressed like I do. Said that a girl's job was to dress to impress men. I told him I disagreed and that it didn't matter what guys thought of me and how I looked. He was still acting like it was what all girls were just supposed to do. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and didn't I want to impress him? Said I couldn't impress him any other way besides with my body because I wasn't "overly funny or entertaining or bright." I got pissed, of course, told him Danny met me dressed like this and it doesn't matter to him. Told him he didn't have room to speak on me anyway because he didn't know me and all he saw was me fighting with him because he pissed me off so bad all the time.

He asked me if I liked it, him pissing me off. I got snotty, sarcastic. Then I told him his mood swings were killing me. I told him the next time I see him he was going to be back to his old games trying to pistol whip me or something. And then... well, he didn't wait until next time...

He got really mad, really fast. I was just talking. It was going back and forth but apparently I pushed a button. His big meaty mitt grabbed me by the throat and he pushed me down on the table like I was a rag doll. It all happened really fast. He was just loomin' right over me. His hand was still around my neck. His face right by mine, hissing about how I was an F-ing liar. And he had his gun out. Ran it up my leg and stopped right at my goddamn crotch. I lost it. I couldn?t even make a sound, because I was too scared. I was shaking and trying to dig my nails into his wrist. I didn't know what was going to happen. My mind just went blank and my body was freaking out on its own.

Then just as fast he let go and put the gun away. Kind of hung over me a second just looking ready to snap again at any moment. And then he left. Kicked the door and walked out. I stayed where I was for a little bit. I don't think my body could have moved if I wanted it to. Then I got up and when my feet were cooperating I left. I was still shaking as I walked. Then I started to go faster. I started to jog. Then I was all out running back to Kesey pushing myself as hard as I could. I barreled up the stairs and threw myself into my apartment locking the door behind myself.

And here I am. I've just been lying in my room the entire day. I can barely think. I feel violated and sick. I don't want to come out from under the covers. I'm an idiot.

I think I'm going to go back to sleep.

Entry: 32

Uck! I hate when I go totally rouge on my journal. Let's see what has been going on.

Through a weird Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon sort of way I got connected with this lady in town who owns a fancy-shmancy clothing boutique. She wanted some canvas pieces done up for her store which was pretty cool. She wanted wild flowers, dragonflies and things like that. I don't know, girly stuff. It's not my usual bag, but I got to use some oil paints I bought that I was itching to get my paws all over. So, I was stashed away in my apartment working on those. The problem with oils is that you can keep shifting things around and building them up. Adding on. How do I know when it's done? When I have to turn it in! If it weren?t for that I would still be here tweaking things. So, yeah, I passed the paintings off to her late last week and she was raving about them. She said she really loved my work and would recommend me to others! How cool is that? I impressed the heck out of that broad and I got a nice little wad of cash out of the deal.

It was perfect timing, too! Valentine's Day was on the fast approach and I was a wreck trying to come up with something for Danny. He never really says he wants anything, so what's a girl supposed to do? Head down to Cheeky's at the last possible second (it was Friday!) and just pray that an idea bites her. So, I'm wandering around Cheeky's with some dough burning my pocket. I saw rings, pocket watches, clothes, walking sticks, and hats. Lots of dude stuff, but nothing that really jumped out at me. I wandered around the entire store searching racks top to bottom for that special something. Then it happened! I walked through the furniture department and got straight up gnawed on! There was this awesome brown leather recliner just chilling. It was a little beat up, but that just added to the flair of it all. It was thick and cushy, but the leather was already broken in so you could just melt right into it. It was a man's chair. No wait, switch that. It was Danny's chair. It had his name all over it.

The other positive thing was that I got to flex my hagglin' skills Kazzy has been teaching me! I got a pretty good deal on it and somehow weaseled delivery out of them. Kazzy will be so proud! It took a bit of hoopla but I finally got the recliner to my apartment without Danny catching wind of it. That's what I was really worried about.

Speaking of not seeing Danny, I hadn't really gotten to hang with him since I was busy flexing my work muscles and he didn't really come around my place. So, once his present was safe and sound I decided to check out some haunts and see if I could wrangle myself up a Brooks. Oh, I found him alright! But he was all tore up! He had a sling and two wicked black eyes. A bandage on his nose and a bunch of cuts and bruises. I asked him what happened and at first he said he walked into a bar. BS. I knew it was BS but I was like, he'll tell me when he's ready. Whatever. So then a while later he in fact told me that he got jumped! He said he didn't know by who or how many or anything like that. I got really mad. And I'm still mad just thinking about it. I don't know what I could have done to help if I was there. Probably nothing. I would have just gotten swatted around and that's about it if we're playing the honesty game here. But it makes me sick to my stomach to think of Danny by himself with a bunch of thugs thinkin' they're something pounding on him. It's crap.

After that we started talking about something a little lighter. Football. Danny was talking about his glory days in High School of being an "All American Safety." Mr. Apple Pie being All-American anything doesn't surprise me in the least! I went on about our games were used to play in Central Park and stuff. No refs needed. Just tacks of steel and a prayer said for your liver! Well, we went at it for a while verbally until Danny said he wanted me to try to tackle him. So I did! I'm pretty sure I'm the worst girlfriend ever for worrying over him because he got jumped and then two seconds later trying to take him down to the ground. But he was asking for it! It took a lot of effort; I'll give him that. But by the end of it I had him down on his back! And I didn't even have to take off my shirt!

Then of course, like with everything we do, we turned how much we like each other into a competition. It started off small with sandwiches. To cookies. To murals and steamy love notes. To him saying he would get back everything Kazzy ever stole from me! I trumped him with a skirt, but then he declared it a tie because we were getting so sugary sweet we were going to lose all of our teeth. But he's sticking with that stolen by Kazzy thing! I told him if he gets back my green tank top that it'll be the next time I wear a skirt. Kazzy totally loves that tank top so I highly doubt I have anything to worry about.

After that we went back to his place. I left Saturday morning to take care of some errands and somehow the entire day went by without Danny and I catching up. We must have kept crossing paths or something. I don't know. Saturday night I decided I was going to take the recliner up to him or bring him down to my apartment so he could check it out, but it was so late so I changed my mind because I figured he needed all the sleep he could get since he was so banged up.

So, now it's Sunday and I have to get this thing to him. I'm pretty sure after the weekend it's just considered lame. This thing isn't crazy heavy, but Danny lives pretty high up in here. I saw a bum sitting out on the corner. He looked pretty strong. Or maybe he was just wearing a lot of clothes. Do you think a bottle of Jack is good enough payment for moving a piece of furniture up a bunch of stairs? I'm not sure, but I snagged a bottle from the bar a while ago and I guess I'm about to find out. So, operation Danny's Gift is in full effect! I'm taking this upstairs and I'll catch up with you later to let you know if he liked it! Cross your pages!

Entry: 34

Forgive me for ignoring you, but I have good reason! This is going to be an epic entry, hands down.

First, Friday was my birthday. I turned twenty so I'm officially no longer a teenager! Does that mean I have to stop acting like one? I really hope not. Anyway, at some point during the afternoon Two-Tone found me and I took him up to Danny's apartment for a once over. There wasn't really any bad news, but there wasn't good news either. It was really nice of him to do that. I'm a total fan of that guy and he treats Kazzy really nice. I don't know what they are, if they're officially dating or not. I think they're kind of at that in-between phase Danny and I were at. Except they're a lot less awkward then we were!

Two-Tone left so he could catch some leads and I decided to head down to Kazzy's. I was still down and out so then Kazzy asked me what was something I always wanted to do around the city that I hadn't done yet. I thought about it for a long time and I started telling her about this amazing high rise a ways down in the West End. It's huge! But the way it's all laid out it's begging for a heaven spot. A heaven spot is when you put a piece reeeally high up so that it touches the heavens. They're cool because everyone can see them and because they're usually in awkward spots it's hard for them to be removed or tagged over. But the other reason they're called heaven spots is because they're hard as hell. You lose your footing and you've got yourself a one way ticket to the legit heaven spot in the sky.

Kazzy said we should do it. We should hit it up. I wasn't sure. She said we have to do it. The day needed to be immortalized for all to see. Usually Kazzy has a lot of crazy ideas and while I go with some of them there are a lot that I just can't do. But this? A heaven spot on my birthday with my best friend by my side? It was too perfect to pass up. So, we suited up, tossed our gear together, and we were out the door.

I can't even describe to you the entire event. So much happened! We kept slipping and cutting ourselves. We were getting bruises all over. Kazzy got this wicked James Bond villain gash above her eyebrow. I slid and almost fell, but before I grabbed onto something I hit my face and got a raging bloody nose. Blood, sweat, and tears literally went into that work. We bombed the heavens.

When all was said and done we decided to hit up the bar for celebratory drinks over our success. We also needed some better lighting so we could compare our wicked battle scars. Two-Tone showed up at some point and we were all having an okay time. I really was happy about what we did. I was happy to have Kazzy and Two-Tone there. I was smiling and laughing, trying to shake myself of my KillJoy attitude I had been sporting all week. But it was hard because Danny wasn't there to share in any of it.

And then all of a sudden this bag gets held over my shoulder. I was like "What now?" at first, but then I saw a bit of green sleeve. Kept turning and then... There was Danny. He looked kind of beat up (Well, his clothes did. He actually looked just fine.), but he was smiling. I was in total shock. I really wasn't expecting him to be there! I threw myself at him. A moment later Kazzy was on us and it was a Kesey Krew reunion! It was the best gift I could have gotten.

Oh, except that aside Danny actually did get me some wicked awesome gifts. For Valentine's Day he got me some delicious cookies (can't go wrong with food). But the best was my birthday gift. He actually bought me a... *DRUM ROLL* Jeter Jersey! Can you believe it!? I was so excited and still am! I want to wear it everywhere but I'm so messy that I'm afraid I'm going to ruin it. I think the really amazing part about it though is the fact that Danny, who HATES the Yankees, actually went into a store and bought it for me. That was the cherry.

Now, don't think Danny got away with leaving for a week without a word and then coming back so randomly. I know you're thinking I'm letting him off the hook but I'm not! I promise! He even told me I would get an explanation but that night he just wanted everyone to have a good time and celebrate. I couldn't hold it against him. I didn't know what happened to him, but I wanted to revel in the fact that he was back before reality had to bite. So, for the rest of the night Kazzy, Two-Tone, Danny, and myself just hung out. The Four Musketeers. We laughed, drank, acted like fools. It wasn't about hanging out and getting happy because I survived another year. It was about being happy that our little family was whole again.

I'm sure you're dying to know where Danny was though, aren't you? Well, I don't have time for that right now! The Kevin Bacon Boutique lady passed my name along to her friend who hired me to paint a portrait as wedding gift for a couple she knows. I know it all seems really bland and boring compared to my usual stuff, but it's good because it forces me to improve on stuff other than tagging or random designs. Oh, and the other plus is that it gives me money! And a Lizzie with money is a happy Lizzie indeed!

I'll hit you up later to fill you in on the talk Danny and I had Saturday. It was so unreal.

Entry: 36

This place is going to stress me out before my time. Twenty going on fifty-two, I'm tellin' you! For some reason it's just impossible for me to have a nice normal night if I take a step outside my front door. Here's the latest bit of havoc from Kesey's resident Geko.

So, late last night I decided I was going to tag the town a bit, nothing all that interesting there. I do it all the time. It actually works out really well because that leaves Danny to do his nightlife bag, so we're both good. I suit up, gather my goods, and I'm out the door. It's just like any other night except I decide to head a bit deeper into the West End than what I'm used to. Just felt like a good night to try to spot something new, especially ever since Kazzy and I bombed the heavens. After you toss up one of those pieces every other alley and tunnel just seems like pre-school in comparison. But it's cool, I'm happy to put in the effort.

Well, after some searching I didn't really find anything that drop dead awesome, but you win some... majority of the time you lose 'em. So, I just set to hitting up an alley with something a little more intense than my usual throw-up. Figured I would up the ante on my own quality rather than the quality of canvas. I'm getting down to work and am at it for, I don't know, an hour or two. Mind you I started late so it was well past witching hours. It's just me, a wall, and a backpack full of some of the finest paint you can rack in RhyDin. Spanish Flyy. I'm hitting meditation levels by this point and am deep in my deal, but I start hearing these sounds. I go quiet and realize I'm sharin' the streets tonight.

I get my stuff together straight quick and am ready to book it out of there. I'm straining my ears to listen, trying to get an idea of the who, what, and where. It sounds like it's across the way in another alley. You would be amazed at how sound bounces around those walls. I hear the voices of men. Talking about, I don't know what. You ever have those moments where people just sound weird and you feel like they're talkin' words you don't know? It was like that. Knew they were saying something, but I couldn't make it out. Now, the sound multiple men tells me I should book it. But then I hear someone else. Crying. Sobbing. Pleading. It was a chick. I just... I had to see what was up.

I don't think I've ever gone so long without breathing. I held my lungs so tightly as I made my way towards the sounds. There are a lot of shadows in the West End at night. It's good because I was able to find a spot where I could eye them from, but... obviously bad because it's dudes like that who live in the shadows to begin with. My ears were buzzing as I tried to figure out what was going on. I could still hear her begging for them to leave her alone. I could hear the guys talking, sometimes all at once and other times to each other. I couldn't for the life of me understand what they were saying though. I was finally able to make out all the shapes. The girl didn't seem much older than me. Two guys were holding her, one on each side. There was a small group of other dudes around her; I couldn't get an exact count. Then there was one big hefty mofo standing right in front of her. He was doing more talking than any of them.

I wasn't sure what I just crept in on. My first thought was that it was gang related because it looked like all the guys were dressed the same. Except this wasn't any good ol' all American gang action we had going on here, with bandanas and glocks. I saw nicely pressed pants, dark button up shirts, weapons... and Badges? I did a double take! I swear, I saw badges and then I could make out the uniforms! I mean, usually when I saw those duds it was from over my shoulder while I was taking off like a bat out of hell. But the most important rule is to know thy enemy! And even in the dark and from a ways away I could make out my foes crystal clear. Those men were members of the Watch.

So, they think it's all fun and games to pick on some innocent girl? I mean, maybe she wasn't innocent. I don't know. But she was outnumbered and the way they were gripping her just didn't seem fair. And she was freaking out so bad, it just... it didn't seem right. So, in total Lizzie fashion I acted before I really put any thought into it. I reached into my bag and pulled out a can of Spanish Flyy. I set my sights on that burley dude who seemed like the ringleader of the Justice Losers and let it rip. Let me just say that Danny would have been really proud of my pitch because that thing blasted the dude right in the back of the skull! I stepped out of my shadowy haven, gave the boys in blue one good look at me and then I took off running. I could hear their footsteps behind me right off the bat. I had just initiated the most gnarly game of tag in a long time and they were all it. No safe zones.

My feet were pounding the pavement. I don't think I had run that fast in a long time. I was pushing myself as hard as I could while cutting around corners and down alleyways. I could still hear them behind me. I was so aware of everything. Of my own ragged breath. Of how fast my footsteps were falling. How close they would get until I would turn a corner. I could hear them yelling at me to stop even over the radical rattle of cans in my backpack. Telling me to drop to my knees and put my hands on my head. Not tonight, man. Just... not tonight.

I turned another corner. A dead end? Before I could put on the brakes I slammed right into a wall. A living, breathing, burley wall. That big dude I had pegged with the can came out of nowhere and I bounced off of him like I was nothing. Apparently he didn't know the rules of no tag backs. I fell flat, which killed since my back was loaded with cans. My head cracked against the ground. I was like a cartoon character the way I was seeing stars. It felt like that sudden stop let everything I was running from catch up with me. Not just the Watch, but also the burn in my chest and the ache in my legs from pushing myself so hard. The knot on my noggin wasn't helping at all.

Burley reached down and grabbed me by the hair, dragging me up to my feet like I was a rag doll. I was so out of it I could barely stand, but I had to try because his fat hand tangled into my locks was giving me a pretty convincing argument. He stripped my bag from my back and tossed it off to the side. Then he gave me a hard shake and hissed something in my face. I was coming to, but I still couldn't understand what he was talking about. I thought he said something about an offering. An offering for... someone. I don't know. But I was aware of the fact that his boys were showing up to the party. I finally had some sense about me that I needed to get the hell out of there. I reached up and grabbed his wrist digging my nails into it as hard as I could. He shook me again and the next thing I knew his other hand was making contact with my cheek causing my head to snap to the side. Dude bitched slapped me like I owed him money. Then he did it again. I yelped and brought my arms up to protect my face in case he had anymore bright ideas like that.

The other guys were closing in around us. My flight instincts were taking over my fight ones, but I needed to do something so I could get away. I grabbed Burley?s wrist again and this time I lifted my foot and sent a sharp kick straight to his stomach. The timing seemed off, but he let out a loud groan a moment later and released me. I was off balance and sank down to my knees. It was the last thing I should have done since it just made me a target and I looked up ready to have another open palmed kiss crash into my cheek. But it didn't come.

Imagine my surprise when I see that another guy was taking Big Burley down and out. He was dressed in dark clothing and boots, a mask covering his head from the nose up. Even in my fog I knew he was on my side. And I knew that wasn?t just any masked do-gooder! That was my masked do-gooder. And he didn't seem very happy at all that some Watch member with a God complex was roughing up his girlfriend.





Bet you?re wondering what Danny did to those goons. Well, that?s just going to have to wait until another entry! I?m still sore and all sorts of starving. Danny has been sleeping for a really long time to get himself back into peak condition, but I think Mr. Brooks is in need of a wake-up call A La Lizzie. I?ll hit you up with more details later!

(( Continued in Origins ))

Entry: 38

What's wrong, Handy Dandy Journal? Did you start to fret over my absence? Think I got nabbed by the boys in blue? As if! They wish they could get their hands on this.

Actually, things were and still are a little tense, but I've been trying really hard to not panic. Kazzy and Danny have been helping out a lot with that. When I last left you The Watch decided to do the twist and put out a totally (mostly) fake story about our brush. Well, since then they have put out these really gross wanted posters of a masked man and yours truly.

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a180/SugarlNlSpikes/LIZZIE%20ART/WantedOG.jpg
click image for full view

I look like a broke Jennifer Aniston or something. And not when she got smokin' hot towards the end of Friends. Oh no, this is the busted Rachel that worked at Central Perk and was going on about how "they were on a break" or whatever. I don't know. Yeah, I watched Friends. You want to fight about it? Anyway, I decided to perk up the posters a bit with my own Geko touch. I'm sure in the end the watch will thank me for making them so accurate.

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a180/SugarlNlSpikes/LIZZIE%20ART/WantedVAMP.jpg
click image for full view'

So, yeah, if you have any information concerning the whereabouts of Catwoman and Mr. Mister then you should probably phone your local Watch members and tell them what's happening, okay?

Now, I'm sure you're saying "Lizzie! How can you joke at a time like this?" Well, what else am I going to do? I understand how severe this all is, but I can't freak out on it. That's not going to help anything. Besides, like I said, my fellow Kesey Crew members have been doing quite the job of making me feel better. Kazzy was even talking about turning herself in instead of me so that she could work her mouthy magic on them, but I told her it wasn't even worth playing that angle. These guys are bad news and I don't know if quick talking is going to take them down. But it made me feel good that Kazzy was willing to do that for me.

Danny keeps telling me up and down that he won't let anything happen to me. That he'll keep my safe. Really, I can't doubt him on it. Not because he could level the Watch or anything like that, but because he's him. He loves me and wouldn't let them bring me in. Danny is a really laid back guy, but he gets these moments where he's dead serious. He'll look you square in the eyes and he'll get this tone in his voice. It's his tell. You know like, in poker when some people have a tell that they have a good hand? They twitch or rub their nose without even really thinking about it. Well, Danny just slips into these moments where he's crazy calm and whatever he says is gospel. Don't even try fighting him on it. I used to try, but in the end you realize you can't.

Kazzy and I pulled out our skates now that the snow has pretty much all melted away. Did you know that KazKaz used to do figure skating? Probably not since I just found out, but instead that crazy!? It makes sense since she likes things all bedazzled and stuff. It's the figure skater in her. Though, I will have to admit that when I was younger I was really down with the street hockey deal and during the winter my team and I would hit up some local ice rinks for fun. I always wanted to plow down those figure skaters in the middle. It took every fiber of my being to not slam into them when they did those spinning Moscows or whatever. I haven't told Kazzy that though. I might have been a little judgmental towards my fellow rinkers. I mean, Kazzy was one of those glitter girls and she's my best friend. So, they can't all be bad, can they?

Speaking of skating, Danny can't skate. Ridic, right!? I figured he was a pro at everything! Come to find out he's barely strapped on a pair of rollerblades and has never gone ice-skating. How do you do that!? We got him a pair of blades yesterday so he could give it a try. Uhm, poor guy. For real. He ended up on his back at one point. As much as I dig seeing him like that it wasn't so hot with him withering in pain. His head also got up close and personal to a mailbox. After that he ripped the skates off in a fit and I suggested that we should head to TnT's for some cookies to soothe his battered brain (ego). The rest of the night was us acting like goofs in a pile of beanbag chairs before wandering home in our socks. My tube socks were like, black by the time we reached Kesey. It was so gross!

I made a nice little chunk of change off that wedding gift commish I did, but I still need to get some more stuff lined up. I'm just hoping word of mouth keeps working its magic for me. Maybe I could get some business cards? Except I don't have a phone or anything, so it would be like "If you want a piece come to the run down apartments and meet me by the green pool." Calling it a piece makes me sound like a hooker.

Maybe Kazzy will let me be one of her hos!

Entry: 40

Just because I haven't been writing doesn't mean the life of the elusive Geko has been dull, Handy Dandy Notebook. Let me see if I can get you all sorts of caught up.

While Danny was out doing his do-gooder deeds late last month he found a puppy and brought it home! We are now proud parents! We named the little (he is so little) guy Dizzy. Not only is it fitting because he has this awesome habit of chasing his tail until he falls over, but it's a combination of the Kesey Crew Names!

Danny + Lizzie + Kazzy = DIZZY

He's really cute with reddish/white fur and he easily fits in my backpack even if he's been putting on some weight since we got him. We're not really sure what kind of dog he is, but we figure he can't get much bigger then what he is right now. He keeps me company at night while Danny is out and I don't feel like tagging. Though, he keeps getting into my paints so he totally takes after me in the talent department. And he sleeps all the time so that means he takes after Danny, too! Dizzy seems like he's pretty happy with us though.

Around the time Dizzy came around I got a commission out of town that was really exciting yet sad all at once. There's this bakery that was getting ready to be opened and they got a hand full of mural artists (myself included) to come do up the interior. It was an amazing experience to get to work with a bunch of other artists and compare styles. I had to pull back the urban edge in a bit, but I was able to slip a bit of the Geko in it so that was cool.

The reason why it was sad is because I was gone for like... four days straight or something! It was too far for me to travel back and forth so I had to just stay out there. Crazy to say, but I missed RhyDin really bad! This is like, my city now. So, even though I wasn't out that long I still was longing for home. I missed Danny, Kazzy, Dizzy, even Stu and the green pool! Okay... maybe not Stu. But you get the idea! I got a solid chunk of change out of the deal but when all was said and done I was just happy to be back at Kesey in my fume-infested apartment.

Bringing you waaay up to speed, last Friday was my one-year anniversary if being dropped in this joint. I can't believe it's been a full year. I remember when I first rolled in I was like "This can't last longer than a week, can it?" Then I had to get all settled in at Kesey because being homeless wasn't all that great. "I'll just be here a month. Another month at the most." Had to start scooping jobs to pay rent. And now... one year later.

Lately I had really wanted a tattoo and I decided not only would I get it on the day, but I would also get something to remind me of New York. Seemed fitting. I even dragged Kazzy and Danny along with me! Now I'm straight up wearing home on my hip since I got the NY Yankees logo in a deep blue. Kazzy didn't really know what the logo was and Danny thought I was just being a baseball nut, but I was pretty straight up with them. I just said something along the lines of "I love this home, but my other home sounds good sometimes, too." I think they got it. We didn't really talk about it much more other than that.

I never want them to feel like I want to leave them or something. I couldn't be without my Kesey Crew. But the Big City was my home since I was born; it's not something you can just turn your back on. Do I even have to mention my Dad? I'm kind of to the point now where I don't. It kills a little bit of me every time I think about him. A year of him making his own dinners. Watching games by himself. Coming home to an empty apartment. Does he think I'm dead? Or worse... does he think I just up and left him? Does he think I'm just like my Mom?

Anyway, step back from the depressing thoughts. Kazzy got a sweet swallow on her hip, too. It has to do with a quote but I can't remember it word for word right now. It came out really cool and I know it's got deeper meaning for her, too.

Even Danny got some ink! Can you believe it? My sweet apple pie guy is practically a ruffian now. Though, he didn't get it at the same time we did. He went back the next day because he wanted to surprise me. See, I had done up a few of my own designs in the last couple of months. I was pretty much decided on this gecko I had drew up, but at the last minute I changed my mind to the NY logo. I showed the gecko to Danny and Mr. Ninja apparently ganked the page from my black book and took it back to Loomus (the guy who did my tat). So, Danny has a gecko by his heart. I know! I was speechless when he showed it to me. Now his Geko is always with him. Not diggin' the squish factor? Well, it's my journal and I can be as squishy as I want!

Alright, I need to head over to Cheeky's. I had this really wicked black hoodie that fit me all sorts of bomb, but someone was impatient over the weekend and tore it to shreds. NO, I'm not talking about Dizzy.

Entry: 42

Well, I totally lived it up for my last weekend of full fledged freedom. Friday I went out and did some tagging. Had a really great time on this one piece. I tried something new with it and it was kind of beating my butt! But in the end I was totally satisfied.

The rest of the weekend was pretty much just spent relaxing and gearing up for today. I know I'm acting like I'm on death row or something, but having a legit day to day job isn't that far off! Other than the commissions I would scoop other random tasks to help keep me out of the red, but I never really had a day to day grind. Except Burger Shack and you know I am not looking for a repeat performance of that!

So, today I started at Fortunatova's Flower Shop with Yaya. This lady is still all sorts of Russian and an absolute trip to be around! Except when I said she was looking for a flower donkey I guess I wasn't that far off. Today I was hauling flats of flowers all around the store and cleaning up the outside so all those flats could be moved out into the sun once this lingering chill goes away. Here's hoping that the summer brings me some muscles and a tan! Then I can strut the beach and ask ladies if they've seen which way my volleyball went. You know? With the massive pointing and posing!

I should probably write more about the adventures that happened throughout the day, but I'm tired. I'm sure at some point I'll have an entire entry dedicated to nothing but Yaya-isms.

Entry 44:

You know, I really need to work on my positivity. I know I just got done saying I'm not really one for blindly looking on the bright side, but I think I'm just drawing more negativity in towards me by being such a stick in the mud. I never really thought that was possible, but Danny always talked about Chi-Chi's or whatever it is... is that what it's called? Oh man, Mexican sounds so good. Anyway! Danny always talked about our energy and stuff so I'm wondering if my bad mood is becoming a bad juju magnet. Now jujubees sound really good. I think I'm hungry.

Back to the story, I've been getting back into dueling lately because, well, what better way to let off some steam then knocking someone around a ring as they, in turn, knock you around? So, I actually went out last night and was slumming around the Outback. There were some good fights going on, but I sort of flaked out and ended up leaving before stepping in a ring. I know, I'm lame. You don't have to tell me.

I got back home and... I could just be overreacting, but this is what it comes down to. My apartment is usually a mess, this is just a given. But it's an organized mess. I have my crates of cans, supplies, clothes, and canvases all kind of chilling around, but if you were to ask me where something is I could tell you exactly what pile it's in. So, I get in the apartment and head off to put on pjs since I am apparently a fifty-year-old woman with an early bedtime, but something just feels off. I don't know what it was exactly, but it just felt like everything was a little shifted. Okay, if you had a face I know you would be giving me a weird look, but I'm serious! I'm no Nancy Drew, but I know when my stuff gets moved around!

Maybe I'm just going insane. Maybe I'm overreacting? It's possible Dizzy just went on a rampage while I was out and knocked a bunch of stuff around, but it wasn't even trashed. It was just... different. I wouldn't be surprised on that Dizzy tip though. He was all sorts of geeked last night for no good reason. No matter what I did he wouldn't calm down! He wasn't growling at me or anything like that since I'm his Momma and he knows who has the treats in the house, but at one point he straight knocked me over because he was jumping all over me and barkin' up a storm.

Oh yeah, did you catch that? Dizzy knocked me down. Danny and I always thought he was going to be a little tubby bowling ball, tops. Come to find out that Dizzy is something called an Akita and he's about four feet tall now. He's huge, but still a puppy a heart. So he gets all excited and knocks me around trying to play catch or tag. Also, he goes through footballs like they're goin' out of style. So, I have a whacked out apartment on my hands and a dog that won't chill out. Frickin' great. That's all I need. After about an hour or two I finally get Dizzy to calm down enough so I can go to bed since Tuesday is my late day at work.

Yup, today was errand day. I pretty much just run around town like a loon for Mama Yaya fetching this and that before I come into the store and put in my usual hours of being a flower jockey. It sucks to be stuck at work late, but as Kazzy said... I'm getting paid to shop for a few hours. The other amazing part of the deal is that to run the errands Mama Yaya lets me use the company vehicle since I'm her most trusted (only) employee. But don't get it twisted and think I'm rollin' in a Benz or anything. First of all, I don't even have a license and have never driven a vehicle in my life. I'm a child of the subway and the closest I've come to a driver's seat is sitting shotgun in a taxi-cab. Luckily you don't need a license for a motor scooter! Well, you might, but I still don't have one and Yaya doesn't care. Mother Russia spits on your license, ptoo! This thing is so ridiculous, too. It's a bright eye burning yellow with a basket on the back. Kazzy is in love with it and threatens to steal it from the shop every time I bring it up.

As if last night wasn't bad enough, I had such a moment of panic at work today, it sucked! I handled the errands and showed up to the shop. As I'm unloading stuff and Mama Yaya is chatting my ear off she lets it drop that someone came looking for me before I got in. My heart sank right away because I thought it was Zee since it's her calling card to bother me on the job. Apparently I wasn't as excited about her coming to see me again as I originally thought. But Yaya flailed at me and was like "Nono! Caller vas a man!" She didn't have much more for me than that. She said he seemed kind of on edge and when she told him I wasn't here he just walked out without a word. She said he was taller and had brown hair, so I figure it was Jay since I had told him I could try hooking him up with a job. I don't know why he wouldn't have straight talked to Yaya, but Jay can be a little intense at times, so maybe he didn't want to give it a go until I was there to have his back? I mean, the poor guy just got out of jail so I'm not surprised if he's a little ticky right now.

But yeah, I know that's not too weird, but it just sort of freaked me out when Yaya said someone was looking for me. Woman needs to learn that having some random no-name person on the prowl for you is a little panic inducing. Especially around here! It's all good though. I kicked out the rest of my day at work even if he rest of the town is going batsh*t crazy and now I'm at home ready to grab some food before I hit up the outback again tonight. Maybe I'll actually get the gonads up to ask someone for a duel!

It's like Sadie Hawkins except instead of dancing we're punching each other in the guts. How sweet.

Entry 46:

What's wrong, Handy Dandy Journal? Did you think I pulled another RhyDin famous Liddell disappearing act? Well, I know I kind of did, but not for the same gloomy sad reasons as before! I can't believe I let you sit around and gather dust while so much stuff has been going on, but I guess I was just too busy living my life rather than writing about it. I have to find balance though. Memories are too important to let slip by and we all know my gray matter can?t grip them all. Okay, so, let me get you back up to speed!

First and foremost, Danny came back. Now, trust me, words can't even express how happy I was. I tried to keep really solid in front of him and everyone else, but when I was alone after him showing up I just... cried. Like, I don't ever cry and it felt like I was making up for lost time. But it wasn't because I was sad! It was just a release. It's like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and the sanity I had to force myself into fell away into this crazy crying fest.

Oh my god, don't ever tell anyone I said that. I would feel so stupid if people knew I bawled like a tubby kid that got tagged out in dodge ball.

Anyway, back to Danny's return. You would think it was all rainbows and sunshine, but it wasn't. Danny went through some messed up stuff while he was gone and I was trying to hold my own back home. We didn't mesh well when he got back. At all. It's like, our thought processes just weren't clicking like we normally do. And it was really upsetting and it made us both act really stupid. Like, stupid to the point where we were seriously on the rocks. Kazzy got really mad at both of us over it and I think we deserved it. I can barely even write about it because I'm so ashamed. I acted like a Grade A Tool.

Thankfully, we found our swing. It took a couple of days. It took some harsh words and some sad looks. It took a lot of sleepless nights and finally... it just took some cheesecake. I showed up at Danny's apartment one night while he was eating cheesecake and we talked over a piece. I think for a moment I just lost my Geko flame. I've always said I was strong enough to stand by Danny and face whatever comes at him. His trials are mine. I let doubt get into my head. I somehow lost that drive and I let myself think I wasn't able to anymore. Well, to hell with that!

I'm Lindsey Olivia Liddell and I can do any damn thing I put my mind to!

Things got mended and we decided we needed a vacation, STAT. I went into work on Monday ready to beg and plead with Mama Yaya for the week off, apologizing all the while for it being such short notice, but there was no need! In that thick Russian accent she told me how happy she was to see my spark was back. She's such a weird lady, but I totally love her. She calls me her little Lesbiyanka. I'm pretty sure it means Lizzie in Russian or something? And she calls Danny pretty. That's weird, but he likes it so whatever, I guess?

Not only did Mama Yaya give me the week off, but she also let Danny and I use her dope cabin North of here. She said I worked really hard transitioning the nursery from Summer to Fall so that was my reward! Danny and I packed the bare minimums in some duffle bags and were on our way. The cabin itself was really odd though. It was nice! Don't get me wrong! And FREE! But there was all of this Russian stuff. Danny had to put one of the flags over a picture of Stalin because he kept watching us.

After our week away we got home and THAT was when the big thing happened. The like... biggest thing you could think of ever that could happen between Danny and I! We decided that we were going to live together. Can you believe it!?

It started with a bet, because if that's not the best way to progress a relationship then I just don't know what is! We were calling our shots on who was going to win the World Series. I said Yankees and Danny said anyone but the Yankees. If he won I had to wear some other team's gear for a week or something like that. But if I won Danny had to move in with me! I Dunno. I just wanted it and I decided I had faith in the Yankees so I was going to toss that out there.

A couple days later when we were hanging out Danny decided he didn't want to leave the next big step in our relationship up to the Yankees. I bet he didn't want to have to thank Jeter for having such a cool chick to live with! Ha! Anyway, shortly after that Danny packed up what he had and moved into my apartment. I even cleaned it for him! He's a total neat freak. I'm the total opposite, but I didn't want him to spaz out and not want to touch anything in our apartment.

Isn't that awesome? Our apartment.

It's taking some getting use to, but I'm happy! We've been under the same roof now for a couple weeks, I think? Maybe not. It seems like forever, but I think that's just because it feels right. I never lived with anyone besides my Dad and Nana. I mean, my Mom for a while, but I don't really remember a lot of that so it doesn't count.

Anyway, Danny and I have been good. Dizzy has been destroying footballs. Kazzy has been dressing up for work. Last night she was a bee! It was pretty amazing and she kept threatening people with her stinger. I guess what it comes down to is that no matter what trials the Kesey Crew goes through in the end we'll always pull through and make it work. It's not always pretty. It's not always nice. But we'll figure it out.

That's all you can really ask for, isn't it?

Since she had received the journal it had been protected with her life, her dedication to the task only growing when she began writing in it shortly after her arrival to RhyDin. It had either been kept on her person in that backpack she carried around or hidden away at the bottom of her boxer bin. Until now. While nothing else seemed out of the ordinary in apartment 2D, there was the book laid out on the kitchen counter opened to the latest entry.

Entry 48:

Danny,

First, I'm sorry, above and beyond. This has been on my mind for a long time now, but it wasn't something I could talk to you about. I didn't want to hurt you. I've never even brought it up to Kazzy, really. But I do know it's the most selfish thing I've ever done, I'm not lyin' to myself about that. RhyDin has been my home for a long time now. Well, going on two years pretty soon here, but it seems like longer. I've met you, Kazzy, Dizzy, and a whole bunch of people who I now hold in a very special place in my heart.

But I left another home behind and someone who didn't deserve that. I know I don't talk about my Dad that much, but it's only because it eats at me to think about him. He had one Liddell woman walk out on him without a glance back and he did the best that he could to carry on for me. And how do I repay him? I never meant to end up here, but I never put enough effort in trying to find my way home. I didn't think it was possible. Or I just let myself think that because I was having such a good time finding my way in the world universe. I've grown a lot since I've gotten here. I don't think I'm the same punk kid that fell down that rabbit hole and I know it's because of the people I've met here.

What is comes down to it that I have been in contact with Zee. As much as I hate it and I know she hates it, too. But I told her what my plan was and she seemed pleased enough. As pleased as she could be anyway while helping me even if she likes the end result. That girl has lost her happy somewhere over her years. Or maybe her corset is just too tight and it makes her grouchy. Hell if I know, but Zee has agreed to help me get back to New York. Don't get mad at her for keeping you out of the loop, I told her to. Besides, there are so many other reasons to hate that chick that who really needs a new one?

I am going home. No big productions. No tears. And no goodbyes because I know I will be back I just don't know when. I have left too many wounds open at home for too long and it is time I do the adult thing and go fix them. Can you believe it? Me being an adult.

Don't think that this decision comes lightly. It doesn't. It never could. But this is something I have to handle. You've had your missions before. Mine might not be as big and I may not have an army backing me, but it's still just as important and something that I have to do. Tell Kazzy I will miss her and take care of Dizzy. I know my boys are strong and you will both be okay while I'm gone.

Hang on to my journal for me. I'll need it for when I get back so I can continue writing about our lives, but for now I want you to have it. Read over it. Laugh at how silly I am. But know that with every page my feelings for you have only grown and still will even while we're apart. I love you will never be enough to tell you how much I care and how much you mean to me. By time you come home and find this I will already be gone. I just hope that you understand that and will be able to forgive me for what I have to do.

Love,
Your Lizzie

Entry 50:

Since I've gotten back, well, I haven't really been doing much of anything. I know I should be heading to Yaya's to talk to her about my job and reconnecting with everyone I suddenly left down and out, but I sort of like just layin' low in the apartment. I'll get to all the stuff I have to do, it's just takin' me a minute to get warmed up.

Danny has pretty much been stickin' to the apartment with me, but that night he had to run out to handle some things and pick up some stuff. So, while he was out and about I was goin' to write in my journal. I flipped open to a blank page and stared at it for a while while gnawin' at my pen. I wasn't sure where to start. So, instead I began flipping through pages until I got to the beginning and I started reading. I haven't sat down and actually read what I've written for a minute.

A lot of it was about Kazzy and Danny and all of the chaos we create. I mean, I don't have to tell you. You're here for my entries. But it was still cool going over what we had done and just laughing up a storm at our antics. It was also fun reading about Danny and I and how awkward we were when we first started hanging out. Dopes in love and we didn't even know it at the time.

Danny showed up a little while later with his arms full of bags. I could smell the Chinese food right off the bat. And he had a bag from TnT! Danny, Chinese, and cookies. What more could a chick want?

Now, usually if Danny shows up while I've got my journal out I dart off to put it in my super duper secret hiding spot (bottom of my boxer bin), but instead I kept it out and I started pulling out old memories. Like how he would play with the strings on my pants and he remembered how I would scratch his side. And I still do that! We also talked about when I lived in Kesey and he lived at the Inn. I would walk across the city in my pajamas at like, four in the morning because I couldn't doze off. I would wake him up out of a sound sleep and he was fine with that. Just the little important things.

Well, I decided to get all sorts of bold and show him my silly entry I did where I wrote like... Geko + Stretch 4Lyfe. LL&DB 4EVER. Lindsey & Daniel Brooks. Lizzie Loves Danny. All that super silly stuff, except I meant it. I told him he couldn't laugh and he promised he wouldn't. And he didn't! Instead he told me it was one of the most romantic things he had ever seen. Can you believe that? Lizzie Liddell is totally romantic and stuff. I could be on the cover of one of those sleezy romance novels Kazzy reads or something! Hair and joggin' pants blowin' in the wind!

We keep havin' these really squishy, but what do you expect? We've been away from each other for a few months, but it felt like so much longer. But we're doing okay.

Next step? I need to track down the Stringbean and squeeze the straw out of her! I bet she?ll get all mushy on me, too. Probably start feelin? up on my butt.

Entry 52:

Friday night Danny and I decided to hit the town for our first official date night since I've gotten home. And what do we do for a nice romantic evening out on the town? Hit up the duels, of course! Danny and I have always been down with the duel scene, but now we're really puttin' some effort towards it. It seems we have a lot of pent up energy and as much as we (happily) try to get rid of it through other means, sometimes you just gotta sock someone in the face to chill the hell out!

Straight off the bat Danny and I got into the ring for fists. I'll admit it, I was a little rusty! Okay... a lot rusty! Thankfully Danny took it easy on me since, and don't ever tell him this because I'll never heard the end of it, hands down I think he could easily whollop me. But that's only because I'm usually so bouncy and waste my energy and he's so chill! He's just like... the Hulk! Watching and waiting until he can smash stuff and be all RAAAAWR! True story.

Anyway! Danny ended up kicking my butt 5 - 3. At least it wasn't a total shut out! I'll take anything that's not a total shut out. I don't understand how he won though, considering most of the time when Danny and I duel with fists it's just him hopping around and trying to grab my butt. Tricky Brooks!

Oh! So after we got out of the ring that's when some super hilarious jive went down! I was trying to find another duel and Danny decided the best way to do this was by pointing at me and yelling "Easy chick!" at the top of his lungs. Oddly enough, no one seemed to notice! Apparently slores are too common in RhyDin.

All the same, I reminded him that he's the manwhore of the relationship and he denied this considering I never pay him. He said he was going to get Kazzy on my case for her cash. I said it wasn't my fault! He was supposed to remind me to put the dough on the bedside table, but he said he couldn't do that because I could be vice. It had to be implied.

But seriously, my attention was gone the moment he said I could be vice squad. I started pulling out my best Charlie's Angels poses and whippin' my gun (fingers) around. I was the law! I started kicking in doors (for pretend) and getting hookers on their knees! Danny said I was mad with power but I said I was drunk on it! That I was like a sorority sister during rush and power is jell-o shooters!

Then some dude huffed at my totally intimidating gun (fingers). I didn't catch what his name was, but he seemed to think mine was Insane. I was talking sort of fast and he asked what language I was speaking. I said Lesbianese, but I don't think he got it. But then he started talking about his double sided vibro and asking me if I was really the law! He wanted to know if I was as fake as my gun and wanted to see some proof!

I said I didn't have a gun because I was too wild. And Danny said I didn't have any credentials because I had to turn in my badge. Because I'm a loose canon! The guy said he was glad someone as insane as me was not on the battlefield at his side. That I would get him killed. I told him I liked being his friend, too. Apparently he didn't want to be my friend, but seriously? Do people really think they get a choice? Ask KazKaz!

After that Danny and I decided to book it home. He said he wanted to violate the law. HEE!

Entry 54:

Sunday night it was back to the duels with me! I haven't won a damn match since I've gotten back, but there's just somethin' mad satisfying about waking up in the morning with some bumps and bruises from a good night. I guess that just means I've been hangin' around Danny way too long!

Wait, what? I mean because he's a frickin' super ninja and stuff that runs the streets at night fightin' crime. What're you thinkin', perv-o!?

There was this smooth dude there who was lookin' for some fisticuffs, except when some chick offered to get down he said he didn't swing on girls. Can you believe that? I told him he'll learn real fast that all the girls here swing back. And to make an even better point I asked how he knew he would even get a hit out on her? Maybe she would just be that good!? He just wasn't buyin' it.

A moment later Danny showed up and he looked all sorts of heated. Apparently, he wasn't that happy with the fact I asked him to race after tying his shoelaces together. But really!? I think it's fair game! It's not my fault he gets all sorts of fuzzy when I get down on my knees in front of him. I tried to act innocent, but I'm only slightly more believable than Kazzy is. Which doesn't say a whole lot for me.

So, before he could get his hands on me I decided to get roughed up by someone else! I hit up that chick that the smooth dude wouldn't hit on and she was down to duel. And Danny got in the ring with the Smooth Dude! The chick's name was Sarah and she was pretty cool. We kept going on all Double Mint on each other and throwin' the same moves. And when we didn't do that she was launching me straight across the ring. So sweet of her, right? I ended up goin' down (HA!) 5 - 3, but Danny snagged his win against Smooth Dude 5 - 4.

After that I was trying to find someone else to knock me around the ring, but I wasn't having much luck. So then I talked Danny into dueling some swords with me! Except I don't actually duel with a sword. I use a cricket bat and he used a stick. Yeah, a frickin' stick! And of course, since it's us we decided to lay a bet down on it. If he won I had to wear a Cubs jersey all week. If I won he had to wear a bedazzled Yankees shirt cooked up by Kazzy! That chick loves debazzling anything she can get her hands on, so I'm sure she would do it up for me.

Well, sadly for Kazzy I couldn't hold my own in the ring against a frickin' ninja with a stick! But as of me writing this entry I still haven't worn the Cubs jersey! I don't know how I've gotten away with it this long. I'm just waiting to go searchin' around for my clothes and all I'm going to find is a pair of red shorts and a Cubs jersey. And a very guilty yet happy lookin Danny.

I would be so mad, but I would seriously have to respect his tactics!

Entry 56:

I was at TnT playing Solitaire... until I realized I didn't really know how to play Solitaire outside of a computer. I mean, they tell you the rules and make angry bling-blong sounds when you do something wrong. And you can even select this cool feature where the cards light up if you drag them over the right spot. I rule at Solitaire on the computer! But it's pretty boring in real life.

So instead I decided to build a house of cards. Oh, except for the fact that it's pretty much impossible! I think all the people who do use glue. Maybe that's the trick I'm missing? I could barely even get some tee-pees going! And people are pretending to build castles and mansions with decks of cards? I CALL BULL!

So, I was getting all enraged over that when out of no where I got a cheering section! I look up at the doorway and there's Jeter! Oh no, wait! It was Danny wearing a Jeter jersey! HOMINA, HOMINA! Safe to say the cards were quickly forgotten. It's not even the fact that Jeter is my boy that got me so excited. It's the fact that Danny doesn't like the Yankees and he was wearing it. He was doing that for me. Now that's something to get stoked over!

Danny then told me to close my eyes. As if this could get any better? Eyes? CLOSED. And when I opened them, Danny was sporting a straight bill Yankees cap. Get this! Tilted to the siiiide. Danny tries SO HARD to hide his inner thug, but he's rattlin' in there somewhere, whether he likes it or not!

Also, he had one more piece of Yankees clothing on. No... not a shirt. Think lower. No... not socks. A little higher. You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? After some dope investigation skills (I almost pantsed him) I was totally right!

And well, once you're checkin' out boxers the rest of the night is pretty much just in the gutter. So, I'll just keep the rest to myself.

YANKEE YUMYUMS!

Entry 58:

So, earlier this week on Monday I finally sucked it up and decided I was going to stay true to my word and sports the Cubs jersey I had been telling Danny over and over again I was going to wear. Lizzie Liddell is true to her word!

Sometimes.

But once I got out the door of our apartment to hit the town I lost my nerve! I ended up running through the streets and hitting every back alley I know so I didn't bump into many people. I don't even know if a lot of people in RhyDin know who the Cubs are, but that doesn't matter! I was rushing like a bat out of hell and decided to hit TnT first to try to find Danny. I was just HOPING he was there because it's always pretty calm when we show up there late. If we was at the bar I probably would have just about died having to wear it in front of a lot of people.

Thankfully, luck was on my side and I found Danny! Except he seemed to be putting some major thought into something. Come to find out he was furniture shopping for the apartment! Yeah, don't tell, but Danny is sort of a clepto when it comes to the bean bag chairs at TnT. I mean, they're super comfortable and... wow, you can do a lot on them. But Danny LOVES sneaking them out the joint. I think he's hung around me too long. My hooligan streak has rubbed off on him a bit. I'm just waitin' for the day when I find him in a back alley taggin' the walls. Though, considering how sneaky he is he would probably be really good at it. DAMMIT! I want to be a ninja tagger! Gah!

Anyway, from the butt imprints on the chairs it looked like Danny was being pretty serious about which one he was going to take home. It was between a black one and a dark red. We never ended up making a decision though because we started randomly BSing. Surprising, no? At one point I covered Danny's mouth with my hand and he licked it. I, in turn, wiped the spit on the Cubs logo. Danny then decided he wanted to kick my butt at the Outback in front of everyone while I was wearing the Cubs jersey.

But I promptly used my super seduction skills (I was accidentally cute) and got Danny to forget all about that idea! One day down in the Cubs jersey and so far, so good.