~~ The night of the Sadie Hawkin's Dance was one of the happiest nights I can remember in a long time. Ivan detests places like the Inn...he has always tolerated my going there, as a means of occupying my time while he is away.
I was relieved that David Dupres was not there. He would like to forget me all together, going so far as to tell me that we never existed. However, if that was the case then how did I go from being a terminally ill woman, to a healthy vivacious Vampire? I never expected Ivan to ever turn me. He had the opportunity so so many times...feeding from me till I was so weak I could not stand, only to carry me to his bed, where during the day he would sleep beside me, and at night care for me like a child, till he had built up my strength...my blood again...without giving me any of his.
No matter how much I begged, he refused me. As time went by I could tell it was getting harder for him to pull himself away from me. And each time he came to visit me, he was immediately upon me. My blood was all that could "satiate him", he would say. Being as old as he is, he can go for longer periods than I, without feeding. But he makes certain that I do. When he found me that day after I was wondering...feeling lost...frightened that some hunter would kill me immediately...in some gruesome way...that night that he found me, for the first time I saw that I could hurt him. I didn't even realize I had. I was happy...knowing that if careful I could live for an eternity with him now. He went crazy....he even gripped me by the throat. It reminded me of the day he brought a young maid to my cottage. I was confused by this, and a bit jealous. For he was fawning over her....kissing her...telling me to get her something to drink. Telling me he wanted to bring her to meet me.
She was truly beautiful and young and naive, and played right into his hands. He kept taunting me..."Isn't she beautiful Lasherette? So young...so tender...just now a woman." He then began to kiss her and molest her in front of me....the woman was intoxicated by him. Till he bit down into her artery in her neck. Then came the screams the cries, the begging, pleading....blue eyes staring wide at me as if to help her, as I sat there on the couch...merely an observer to this horrific dramatic play.
Finally, unable to bear her screams anymore, he silenced her forever. He picked her up, and then dumped her at my feet. "You could do that Lasherette? You DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ASK OF ME!!!!" "You are not a killer, it is not in you. You would starve before you would do such a thing. And he was right. Pulling me up to him he kissed me...biting my lip...sucking on it tenderly. I could taste the woman's blood in my mouth. Then proceeded to kiss down my neck, as his hands gripped then caressed my entire body...till he literally would growl and pull himself away from me. Taking the woman out, and dash off into the night.
That was the last I had seen of him before I was given the "gift". When I first saw him I tried to act as though nothing had changed. Fully unaware that he smelled the change in me before he even entered. We quarreled, we screamed, we wept. His rage was such he wished to kill me...his love for me would not permit it. He told me I was lost to him forever. That I belonged solely to my Maker. And that my little plan backfired as far as being with him, should David cast me out. I never saw it that way. I didn't. I thought Ivan truly didnt want me. He had so many opportunities. And that is what brought him around. He knew I would not lie to him. I would fall silent rather than speak a lie to him. He did demand to know who turned me. As he was truly upset, in loving me...that someone so cold, let me go the way I was. Like a fawn, in the forest of wild animals with no mother to show me how to survive.
But....he found away...he found away to make me his. He says there can only be one maker.....then I chose him.... regardless of what he says. He only says it to torment himself. Sort of a means of punishment for not turning me sooner. But as I told him of late, it also reminds me of David, and I need not that.
At the party he was on edge abit. Out of his element one would say. I can easily move in his circles...he has difficulty with the "Common Lasherette"...though he swears it was my innocence and love and beauty, that kept bringing him back to me. For all his evil, I was good. Truly good. He cherished me. And when the time was right he would turn me.
Perhaps he knew better than David. Perhaps I was not at "death's door".
Matters not now. Not to me....and one day as the days and years pass it will mean less and less to him.
That was why he acted the way he did towards me at the Inn. He wished to punish me. And he smelled the other vampires there. And he knew not if one was named David. No he was not there. No, I would not have pointed him out. No, he did not ask.
Ivan is a very jealous man. Jealous of all his possessions. I merely spoke to a stranger at the bar, and he told me in a surly tone he did not like the man. I told him in shock, that I did not even know him! Matter'd not. The man looked upon me. And he wishes to share no part of me with anyone. Not my friendship, looks, or dare I even say Love.
I love Ivan. I have from the first day I saw him all those years ago. He and I have gone through alot together. Now..he need not worry where I am, or who I am with, when I am lonely. I will be there in the castle waiting upon him....to return to me...to claim me over and over as his. Just as he did that night....wrapping his arms about me from behind. His lips skimming my neck, as he leans down and whispers repeatedly into my ear...."Mine."
I understand Ivan now moreso than I ever have before. And the affectionate change in him...I believe is due to the fact that he lost me. And was afraid he could never get me back. For I would always have been drawn to David. Never will I mention his name again in front of Ivan, and I have asked him to please...leave it in the past. I hope for both out sakes he can. For our future is going to be glorious together.
This I am certain of.~~

~~Lasherette's servants had decorated the castle in the most beautiful decorations. Hand blown ornaments from Germany hung on the boughs of the huge tree in the main parlor, fresh fir wound up the railing of the double staircase, there were red and white candles and fresh pinecones everywhere you turned.
Yet, their Mistress was not very "Merry". She had heard from Ivan. He was in Ireland. And didn't even know if he was returning to Rhydin. As soon as Lash received that letter...she hadn't been the same. She wasn't surly or angry. She was depressed. She would lie in her bed night after night. Gregory tried to cheer her up, but she was having none of it. She did have him go to the orphanage with a rather large bag, containing toys for the children, and a sack of money for the Administration. His telling her of the childrens faces, and how they lit up when they received their dolls, trikes, teddy bears, trucks and stuffed animals...didn't even bring a smile to her lips.
She went out every other night to feed. She was discovering she could go longer and longer without feeding. And that the bloodwyne would hold her over till then. Warming it made it go down a bit easier. On those nights she would go to the Inn, where she didn't seem to fit in anymore either. She didn't care. It was a place to go after feeding, where she could warm herself before her ride home. Then there was the issue of still needing a bodyguard. She never did hire one. Cilian almost considered the job, then rescinded his decision. She didn't know why.
She did know that there was talk about her behind her back, by women in the Inn, and some men. One would think they had enough to worry about....but for some reason, whether they looked at it this way or not...she was some form of threat to them. Yet, she never outwardly acted anything but socially polite to them all.
Odd how men would be attracted to her, wishing to call on her again, sending her notes and such...only to suddenly have them break off all connection to her. One wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of some of those in certain cliques, or families. But thing is, they knew Lash could care less...she wasn't a sheep...she didn't kiss any one's ass. This made her unpopular...with the "in" crowd of Rhydin.
She thought and even asked about a Christmas Party at the Inn. She never received an answer...and Monday night they have dueling still scheduled.
Where she came from Christmas was a Holiday that was more like Halloween. The poor would come to the wealthy people's doors and be fed the best of House's foods and drink. Caroler's would comb the streets being welcomed in to different homes to sing and then be fed as well. Then there were the MERRY MAKERS...they ran about the streets causing mischief...singing, playing their instruments...drunkeness and all forms of sin were abundant.

Sitting in her chaise before the hearth in her room....she sat staring into the flames. Memories of Christmas' past ran through her mind. From the earliest as a poor small child...to last year. They all had one thing in common...she was not alone. She was with someone she loved. This was the first time in her life, she was alone. And receiving the letter from Ivan did nothing to improve her spirits. She almost told the servants to take all the decorations down, but she saw how proud they were...especially this being her first Christmas back in the Castle in many a year...she didnt want to disappoint them. She gave them all Christmas off. Those with families were to be with them. Those who wished to remain at the Castle were free to do so. Thus far only Corinne and Gregory would be remaining there with her on Christmas Eve and Day.

Corinne kept going on about preparing a feast...which Lash had to squash her idea of a menu. Lash wanted a simple dinner, nothing as big as a usual Christmas meal. Gregory understood...and Corinne, well she was just confused, as usual. So lounging there in her chaise....the reflections of the flames burning in her beautiful peridot hues...silently she wiped away a single tear...and let out a long sigh.

Most of all she missed Drake. She imagined then what this Christmas could have been like, had he not been slain. Again she wept for her child. Sobbing...not allowing even Gregory in, as she wallowed in her grief. Crying herself to sleep...she dreamt of him....and the Christmas that should have been.~~