Topic: All in Good Time

Sidonie Malloy

Date: 2009-12-05 07:02 EST
A soundless dance the moment of her fingers against the keys of the old piano in her loft above Cloud Nine.

Head bent leaving the neck of the Ace of Spades exposed for the taking. For the kill. It wouldn't be so easy. No not to take the life for Spade.

No Apologies. No regrets. Right? That's what life was meant to be about.

Lovers and Consorts and long red ribbons.

Make it a joke and spook him had been Reap's whispered plot on a liquor lovely night. Sharing shots with friends.

Sidonie wasn't impractical. Funny how with a swimming mind filled with intoxication she could still see the sharp blades and accusations of eyes.

She brushed it off in her normal carefree and casual way. No worries. No concerns.

Make him think he ended up married. That was the joke.

Seemed the joke was on her too. Or... was it?

Marriage was something she swore she never would do. Had even told Lang it was one of those things she never would get herself wrapped up in.

She saw how it changed people, saw how it twisted the relationship of her parents. Sidonie had no desire to get like that.

Things might be different.

Maybe things could change.

Sometimes the expectations and interpretations could be altered and placed in a new light.

Her hands lifted before setting to find a firmer resting place on the piano keys. Ivory and ebony impressed as the melody was found to be played.

Her fingers were not without decoration now.

The significance of a ring on her left ring finger never would elude her now.

It wouldn't be so bad. It wasn't so bad.

Consorts and lovers and red ribbons. Lovers maybe could find love in bonds unexpected in wild drunken nights.

Through it all Spade found herself smiling.

Sure... she had a bit of research to do... a bit of explaining to do... but that'd come all in good time.

Right now she was just going to let the cards fall and make her bets and bids and hope the river flowed in her favor.

Sidonie Malloy

Date: 2009-12-15 20:59 EST
Things might just happen for a reason. She believed in it more then ever as the winter season prowled and crawled closer to find a memory in Sidonie's mind that she wouldn't find as being that which she wanted to recollect on.

Family.

A bottle of wine nestled between legs as she sat in the window seat of her upstairs open window. Wine glass in her hand sipped at as she watched the passerbys of the Marketplace from her lofty perch above.

Family.

A close of eyes. The memories could haunt.

C'mon Spadey girl, show daddy that you know how to fight. Show him what the Dark Court taught you.

Memory of pain.

The myriad of tattoos that covered the scars beneath that even sometimes the glamour wasn't strong enough to shield.

It didn't matter the marriage was a drunken moment's passing decision that she didn't recollect.

It didn't matter that it wasn't what she planned.

Spade felt safe.

Had found of all things... family... that seemed as family was supposed to be.

The brother not that she wanted but maybe just the brother she needed all along.

Tears are a weakness Spadey girl. Never let them see you cry. Now stand up. You can be beaten but not broken. There's a good girl. The pain will go away, the blood will stop flowing... but a tarnished Pride of a Sidhe... well that you can't get away from. Chin up Spadey Girl. Take it like you should

Blades.

Her flesh had known them well.

Fists.

The brutal brandish of education by the way of hard knocks.

Looking out at a winter's night she felt reflective and wishful. Near wanted to ask Reap where he had been before when she needed looking after.

Cor wasn't who she needed saving from. Nor was it herself... no Reap wasn't there when she needed a big brother the most.

There now see... it's not so bad Spadey Girl. A broken heart will hurt far worse.

Sidonie Malloy

Date: 2009-12-19 09:51 EST
Keep out of the darkness and stay in of the light Spadey girl...

Tourmalines were wide with round eyed wonder as she felt the winter approaching. Felt it down to her bones. The night's passing events had shook her up. Not so much in the bad way but Spade just found herself wondering.

Reasons.

There were more then one.

More then likely a handful of them but even Spade's whiskey coated mind knew that there was more to it all then just that.

A night could have significance. Her true name had been given.

To a Sidhe giving the true name could hold power yet she had done so without concern or hesitation.

Trust found was a curious thing.

No the Mistletoe wasn't broken.

The wreath of it was taken from the black curls of her hair as she sat down on the window seat, curling up as she watched the snow fall. Even watching it made her shiver.

Sidonie had known well the abuse of her father, had known the cruelty of her sister when the boy Spade had loved as a girl had taken him from her... and then killed him.

Spade couldn't lie, would ever be honest... but so open.... well she found herself being that way with only one.

Significant nights. Important fleeting moments that didn't last far long enough.

But she kept her word.

It all mattered. It all had significance.

So long Sidonie had been Spade she almost had forgotten who Sidonie really was and where Spade began. That Spade was nothing more then a persona to protect and guard the girl. In the end there wasn't anyone else to look out for her.

Well... at least back then there wasn't. A faint sigh as she closed her eyes head tipped back and dwelling in her senses and those lingering sensations.

A moment that would stay with her forever. No matter if she ever spoke on it again or not it was something she couldn't let go of.

It all mattered.

Hands ran a torrent through her black curls as she moved away from the window and crawled into bed.

Despite the pending chill in the night she still felt warm and safe. Still felt that imprint of sensation to the very core of her spirit.

Somewhere through it all he'd got through the vision of Spade and found Sidonie.

Things had to be figured out but sometimes the reasons had to be known first.

Tonight though sleep would come. All in good time, she'd figure it out.

Hide where they can't find you Spadey girl... or maybe just where they never wanted to see.

Sidonie Malloy

Date: 2009-12-19 15:54 EST
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me
With my hands up
You got me now


Winter. Something about it's approach left her unsettled and cautious when she woke up missing that slow burn of whiskey in her belly. Or other moments that kept her warm. It wasn't just her body that felt that draw of warmth.

Hand smoothed through the black curls of her hair, tourmalines shifting out a window as she wondered if that comfort and warmth would already be around.

One once said that the leanaan sidhe and their nature was near addictive. Never once did Sidonie believe that she could become addicted to anything... but she was learning what it was to draw to something, to rely on someone. More then they ever realized.

A hidden gift. This her secret that only her sisters had known of save for maybe Avery once.

Spade sat down on the piano bench, fingers in a loving stroke against the ebon and ivory. Deep sigh breathed out as those first notes were played out.

Secrets. She had them too. She wished she could know of the other reasons that left the confirmation that mistletoe was never broken. But more so... she wanted to know the hows and whys. Wanted to know everything.

That raw curiousity consumed her. Never had it been like this before.

As the notes stirred the air around her , Sidonie's voice added to the melody and found the first lines of the song.

Snow can wait
I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose
Get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart
When I think of winter
I put my hand in my father's glove

I run off
Where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice
"Your must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I can't always be around"

He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind

Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear


Tattoos once had been nothing more then another guard another safety. No matter how much she could put herself out there to trust. Solitaire. You could only trust yourself. Right? Right.

But even now she wasn't so sure that was the case anymore for her. Part fascination, part terror for that realization that maybe she didn't have to face everything alone. Dad was long gone and hopefully never going to show back up.

The first man she loved was dead. Perhaps her trust had been buried along at his side. So she thought.

Fingers traced that tattoo that decorated the side of her ribs. There once was a little girl who never knew love until a boy broke her heart

A return of hands to keys as the song continued and she sang with her eyes closed, in hopes of crushing and closing out those memories.

Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by and I'm here still waiting Withering where some snowman was
Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace
But I only can see myself
Skating around the truth who I am
But I know dad the ice is getting thin

When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Hair is grey
And the fires are burning
So many dreams
On the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself


Times were changing. Her fingers faltered as she cast a side glance to the ring on her finger. Was this what she wanted? Was this what Cor really wanted. She wasn't sure. Didn't know.

Happily Ever After seemed a funny thing. An odd elusive curiousity.

Ever since last night Sidonie just couldn't get her head straight. Couldn't wrap her head around any of it. Her thoughts kept drifting.

Just one kiss... just one. For now

A shuddering of lashes. Once so long ago all of it would be meaningless. Every kiss. Every touch. Every lusting glance. All of it would matter not. Just part of the Con played.

This time though. It was different. Sidonie didn't know what to do only knew that she wished and wanted to know more. Everything and anything.

He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses have gone ahead
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change
My dear


The song fell in silence and tourmalines looked away from the familiar black and white.

Things did change.

Maybe when you least expected things did change... and gave you something to believe.

Someone to believe.

A feeling like... this.

(lyrics- Tori Amos: Winterand borrowed lyrics from Kesha' Tik Tok )

Sidonie Malloy

Date: 2010-01-08 22:27 EST
(Lyrics- The Bottom Line - Depeche Mode )

Like a cat dragged in from the rain
Who goes straight back out and do it all over again
I'll be back for more


Confessions and truth. Revelations and the heavy weight of burden on the soul. Old habits never died. No matter what was said. It was not a hard thing because old habits did not die hard... they remained. Just well hidden. Locked tight away just like that hidden box of emotions Sidonie kept from the world.

Late hours. She paced to and fro. Back and forth. Darkened tourmalines resting on the ebon and ivory of the baby grand. Haunted with the apparitions in her home of moments when she was... happy. Content.

Restless. The Glock was taken from its resting place at the small of her back and set on the top of the baby grand with the dark blades and the bottle of whiskey.

Something that is out of our hands
Something we will never understand
It's a hidden law
The apple falls
Destiny calls
I follow you

Like a pawn on the eternal board
Who's never quite sure what he's moved towards
I walk blindly on

Denial was something she could not do. The sensation he brought stirred within her again. Awakened. Something she could not suppress. Had he seen it there in her eyes? Fragmented shards of all felt.

Her fingers pressed to to her temple as she closed her eyes. Dusky fingers outstretched. Tentative and then finally one or two keys pressed, tested. Wondering if the feeling would still be there.

A shudder tremble as she felt that ghost like touch over her own. She knew it was but a fragment of a memory she clung to but the sensation of it in linger still shook her to her core.


And heaven is in front of me
Your heaven beckons me enticingly
When I arrive it's gone
The river flows
The wise man knows
I follow you

I'm yearning I'm burning
I feel love's wheels turning

Emotions. Affection. Least when she expected for the notion of such a fierce, wild emotion it came back to her. Full force and near sending her to her knees like a weakened lovelorn frail.

Her hands played in dark patterns in her hair as she stared solemn at the baby grand.

Bittersweet wishes, hopes and fading dreams weighed in gentle caress at her heart. Her soul.

This was all she had.

Like a moth on love's bright light
I will get burned each and every night
I'm dying to
The sun will shine
The bottom line
I follow you

I'm yearning I'm burning
I feel love's wheels turning

Perhaps he never would know. No matter how obvious. He was everything to her. All that mattered... and losing him... was breaking her.

It was time to put on the face of a gambler. Wear the Poker born mask and let the pain not show through. Lest those emotions betray her and she was mocked... or destroyed by it.

He could shatter her.

And she... she would let him.

If that was what he wished.

Everything... he had everything of her...

and she didn't have the words... or the right to tell him so.

Like a moth on love's bright light
I will get burned each and every night
I'm dying to(o)
The sun will shine
The bottom line
I follow you

The sun will shine
The bottom line
I follow you

The sun will shine
The bottom line
I follow you