Stars End Bar had become a sanctuary to her, an escape and a place that was so far from redemption and one step towards damnation. She huddled in the corner feeling so small and yet so uncontained like one instant of false step or poor reaction towards her would have her snapping and the world shattering around her.
It was all so breakable. The words had sank in, cut deep wounds that would bleed black. The wounds that would seep from her heart and soul as she kept herself so guarded. Her actions had been to the watchful eyes as something assumed as a moment to take advantage of a weakness rather then Spade?s attempt to reach out and help someone. Tucker?s situation she understood more then she would let the common world realize. Not even Reap would get that insight of that part of herself that no matter if unmarked by the Muse, Sidonie?s Ink Exchange left her in far too similar circumstances.
No longer would she care or try to correct them. It just didn?t matter to her and there was no use in fixing it. No matter what she did or said she?d be seen as the heartbreaker and body taker rather then the flirt. Funny how those with the accusing eyes had broke more hearts and destroyed more lives then ever Spade and her Trouble wrought path had.
Her eyes stayed close, holding her knees as she rocked herself in the corner, feeling far too much her father?s voice in her head.
Oh looky there Spadey girl you?ve gone and done it again. Love? Really now. You foolish b*tch. You are unlovable. Take a good look Spadey, stare long and hard in the mirror? no matter how pretty that face is? you?re nothing but damnation. They cannot love you, only hate you? because they see the evil, the monster that you are. Nothing more then a worthless, used up doll? that?s all you?re good for. Why don?t you just play along Spadey girl. You deserve it.
The words fed the Black Dog. Those words from Serena, from Reap, from Tucker, and from her own father from so long ago? all those words were taken and devoured. The parts of her that were just plain and simple Sidonie, the parts of her that were the Blackbird? the Black Swan of the leanan sidhe were breaking, shattering into a thousand unrecoverable pieces as the shadow fire of the Black Dog took over.
Like a guardian spirit that Black Dog was becoming. Deep within Sidonie was falling apart and the Black Dog would be her protection to save her from that fragility of the heart.
Her hands stretched out on the floor, palms brushing not so far away where she remembered the blood stain once was. Where she and Wolf Eyes had killed the man she?d already forgotten the name of.
Palms flat before fingers arched into claws. A black stain of the Sidhe Ink Exchange crawled from nails and fingerprints and painted her onyx and hematite. Those marks spilled and grew to all but paint her flesh in dark colors.
Her stretch of frame as she knelt and stretched long and lean against the floor was something more feral then ever would be expected from Spade. There was no Black Velvet Glory of a Spade in that night but something more? savage.
The Glock was a comfort at the small of her back and Sidonie felt nothing more then a deep need and desire to have her blades back pressed at her skin. Wanted nothing more then to feel the nightmares awakened again so that she? and that pain could do nothing more then disappear in a pit of shadows and chaos.
Her eyes opened and the ink spread till there was nothing more then a pinprick of tourmaline. Time was not so infinite. Not so far away was the Black Dog. She could feel the beast?s inferno heat moving through her blood with every beat of her heart.
She knew now that if found? she could be the black mirror reflection of Wolf Eyes? and she wanted nothing more? then to feel? nothing but that inferno burn to sear away her emotions and leave her nothing but a void of all she once was.
It was all so breakable. The words had sank in, cut deep wounds that would bleed black. The wounds that would seep from her heart and soul as she kept herself so guarded. Her actions had been to the watchful eyes as something assumed as a moment to take advantage of a weakness rather then Spade?s attempt to reach out and help someone. Tucker?s situation she understood more then she would let the common world realize. Not even Reap would get that insight of that part of herself that no matter if unmarked by the Muse, Sidonie?s Ink Exchange left her in far too similar circumstances.
No longer would she care or try to correct them. It just didn?t matter to her and there was no use in fixing it. No matter what she did or said she?d be seen as the heartbreaker and body taker rather then the flirt. Funny how those with the accusing eyes had broke more hearts and destroyed more lives then ever Spade and her Trouble wrought path had.
Her eyes stayed close, holding her knees as she rocked herself in the corner, feeling far too much her father?s voice in her head.
Oh looky there Spadey girl you?ve gone and done it again. Love? Really now. You foolish b*tch. You are unlovable. Take a good look Spadey, stare long and hard in the mirror? no matter how pretty that face is? you?re nothing but damnation. They cannot love you, only hate you? because they see the evil, the monster that you are. Nothing more then a worthless, used up doll? that?s all you?re good for. Why don?t you just play along Spadey girl. You deserve it.
The words fed the Black Dog. Those words from Serena, from Reap, from Tucker, and from her own father from so long ago? all those words were taken and devoured. The parts of her that were just plain and simple Sidonie, the parts of her that were the Blackbird? the Black Swan of the leanan sidhe were breaking, shattering into a thousand unrecoverable pieces as the shadow fire of the Black Dog took over.
Like a guardian spirit that Black Dog was becoming. Deep within Sidonie was falling apart and the Black Dog would be her protection to save her from that fragility of the heart.
Her hands stretched out on the floor, palms brushing not so far away where she remembered the blood stain once was. Where she and Wolf Eyes had killed the man she?d already forgotten the name of.
Palms flat before fingers arched into claws. A black stain of the Sidhe Ink Exchange crawled from nails and fingerprints and painted her onyx and hematite. Those marks spilled and grew to all but paint her flesh in dark colors.
Her stretch of frame as she knelt and stretched long and lean against the floor was something more feral then ever would be expected from Spade. There was no Black Velvet Glory of a Spade in that night but something more? savage.
The Glock was a comfort at the small of her back and Sidonie felt nothing more then a deep need and desire to have her blades back pressed at her skin. Wanted nothing more then to feel the nightmares awakened again so that she? and that pain could do nothing more then disappear in a pit of shadows and chaos.
Her eyes opened and the ink spread till there was nothing more then a pinprick of tourmaline. Time was not so infinite. Not so far away was the Black Dog. She could feel the beast?s inferno heat moving through her blood with every beat of her heart.
She knew now that if found? she could be the black mirror reflection of Wolf Eyes? and she wanted nothing more? then to feel? nothing but that inferno burn to sear away her emotions and leave her nothing but a void of all she once was.