I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...


She was tired of moping, tired of wandering around aimlessly while she felt herself left with the soft swell of her stomach to prove that there was indeed still life within her.

The mirrors were glanced at briefly as she looked at the state of herself and grimaced. Spade usually was always so well groomed and well kept that to appear such even physcially disturbed her.

"This has to stop."

A sigh as she shoved a hand through her hair and noted that the ink marks had changed and had remained as the black swan feathers.

Turning she moved to head for the shower to get cleaned up. Fresh and clean to face the day, the hot shower had come to instill some sort of determination in Spade's mind and heart.

"I'm coming for you, Truth... in some form or fashion...I will."

Exhausted again she twisted the ring on her finger before resting her hand on her stomach. She'd figure out a way to get to him.

A close of eyes... she'd only relax... just for a little while.

-------------------------------------------------- ----------------------

The room seemed different, smelled different. Tourmaline eyes flickered open as she looked to the room around her and then sat up sharply, startled that the scenery had changed.

Spade stood swiftly before she stumbled at the sudden swift lance of pain that went through her head.

A quiet look around once more before she picked up one of the magazines resting on the dresser.

"Chicago..."

Those eyes widened in shock as she realized where she was... a hotel room...in Chicago.

"Truth."

She had kept her word as he had to her once so very long ago. Ever and Always.

The Sidhe kept their word. Never to break promises for words held power.

Words were binding...

The words didn't elude her, the irony of them. Knock herself out. She wearily gave a once over of the hidden points of iron and steel. The major cities always seemed so fond of building in iron and steel like the place was meant to be a fortress then a tourist draw.

Her fingers coaxed out the first notes of the melody as she paused only for a moment to sip at the cherry coke with a faint smile at the taste. Fingers momentarily curled around the condensation at the glass as she felt her scarred palm twinge.

Ghost pains most like, she knew that bond was long broken.

A frown as her thoughts moved to Handsome and she set the glass aside, her soul poured in to those notes from the piano as her lips parted and in that near empty bar Spade began to sing.

Wretched, look at me I've lost it
Melting on the table
In parking lots and markets
I can't help it
I love you like a starfish loves the salty water
Like a selfish daughter

Yet I wrote the words to this swan song
The author of the wrong
And I said what I said and I meant it
But now, I regret it

She closed her eyes to restrain the tears as her voice came free to linger as a sweet enchantment in the air. She would always be a leanan sidhe, captivating to the artists of the brush, the song, the pen. Apologies and wishful thinking was poured out into the song, heartfelt.

Foolish, how was I so careless
Pawning off my treasure, the envy of an heiress
Now my dollars are crumbled in my pocket
How can I reclaim it?
What if someone's got it?

When I wrote the words to this swan song
The author of the wrong
And I said what I said and I meant it
But now, I regret it

A wistful smile curled her lips as she thought over the words of that song and how they related so well to her life. A life song, a soul song. Spade's treasures were those she adored... yet the two that mattered the most to her were so far away. Maybe she believed the song would bring them back to her like it had once before, maybe she believed it would bring them home. Yet they were home weren't they? Dean and Greg had gone to where they wanted to be... and Spade... had followed like a fool.

She missed them terribly, she didn't even know if she could do this alone... raise a child by herself. Her voice near cracked over the song as the emotion trembled in her voice. What if she found them again and they blamed her or loathed her for following after like a beaten dog. It was one of the faults and strengths of the Hounds of the wild hunt... they were loyal.

How could the world have turned so ugly
I am dying
Could you touch me again?
Touch me again, yeah

When I wrote the words to this swan song
The author of the wrong
And I said what I said and I meant it
But now, I regret it

As the song came to an end she lifted sharply from the piano bench, the shine of tears in her eyes like starlight as she noticed the tender watching her.

Uncaring of how it would seem she ran out of the bar and out of the hotel and into the streets of Chicago.

(Lyrics 'The Swan Song'-A Fine Frenzy)

This was ridiculous. A pointless ridiculous choice made. Why did she even come here?

Spade's boots hit the sidewalk as she couldn't help but frown even though part of her rejoiced in every little beautiful and amazing thing she found as she moved on, searching without success for any sign of him.

A pause before a church and a faint laugh there as she shook her head. So not happening.

Maybe it was best to move on, to head back. Maybe she should just smart and just give up.

"Stupid girl."

A mumble to herself as she turned her back to the church and tipped her head back to stare at the iron and metal beasts that towered above her, taking each and every inch of her spirit and energy out of her. Draining her dry.

It was obvious he had bailed out when she got pregnant. The obvious signs were there but she was far too blind, no... far too unwilling to see them.

It was time to go home.

Breathing out a sigh she shoved a hand through her hair and gathered herself together.

No big deal. Just another stupid mistake.

She felt so dizzy, the world was spinning around her too fast and she just couldn't catch it...she just couldn't hold on.

Exhaustion and the weakness that iron posed to her had her sinking down to her knees before the curvy frame of Spade was sprawled out on the sidewalk as the world flew by around her.

~Court~

"She is home, love?"

The full richness of that voice is a perfect counterpoint to the sweetness of the music of hers as she answers.

"She is home, and safe, my King."

"I tell you that you should not be so formal, my Queen."

"Should I not?"

"You did not always speak so to me in the past."

"I was not the same then as I am now...I am the old Queen, yes...but now with a touch of something new."

"Ai'nati." The name is said with soft reverence and gentle mirth in equal parts, before it trails off into a sigh. "She will be marked forever by this."

"She will heal...given time and tender care."

"I truly hope so."

"You care a great deal for her."

The rich voice holds a new note - sadness, regret. "When you were...taken...I could not find you, no matter where I looked. If I were to move on, she would have been the one I chose."

"I know. And you did choose."

"Foolishly. For her talents I wished her to ride in the Hunt...and instead that evil old crone twisted it. She punished her for my choice."

"You are not at fault for..."

An impatient hand waved. "I did not commit the injustices done upon her...and yet they are my fault nonetheless." The voice is sad, but angered as well, though not, she should know, at her, but rather himself. "I do not know how you can look upon me with such love in your eyes after all that I have wrought."

"Because, my King, you were lonely, and bereft of me. I was not gone, but I had been lost. I am the one all love, that all wish to be close to, while you, they hold in awe, even in fear, and wish only to hold your wrath at bay." The soft chuckle from her lips is as pleasing as the notes plucked from a harp. "It is I alone that knows your wrath can be diverted by the softest of breezes in the right direction."

"And you alone should be the only one that does." That mirth and affection returns to his voice for a moment, only to drop to notes more grave again. "He is gone, Ai'nati."

The note in his voice, the way he says it, is what gets her attention swiftest, her eyes widened, stricken. "You...you mean..."

A nod of his head, the horns gleaming in the glimmering of dawn now so near. "He took his own life, that the darkness he might have brought to the light of the world would be averted. He...sacrificed himself."

Silence then. Without a word, she steps close as dawns first fire touches the horizon, her head resting on his shoulder. "She cannot know, not...right now, if ever. Give her time, let her think he has gone but may yet find his way back."

She nods against his shoulder, her eyes filled with tears. "Who can say? Such a thing may yet come to pass...this is Rhy'Din, after all."

Like a ghost she would walk down those steps to move towards the room that kept her piano. Sinking down in that exhaused defeat of all offered to her in this life. The first notes plucked out from the ebon and ivory before her voice joined the sound. Dark melancholy and broken hearted nostalgia lingered within her voice as she sang out into the night.

And no, I cant take one more step towards you
Cause all thats waiting is regret
And dont you know im not your ghost anymore
You lost the love
I loved the most

And learn to live half a life
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are
runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So dont come back for me

Her fingers were damp with her own tears as she played on, that aching emptiness that filled her spirit with every word sang out, here she assumed she was fresh out of tears and yet they came again. Eyes closed as her body trembled as her voice broke over the notes before she pressed on to play that melody. A flash of memories of sitting on a dumpster bin with Reap watching the stars, spending time with Harris and Dean, and then the recent moments... the intimate adoration between her and Truth.


Who do you think you are
I hear youre asking all around
You find anywhere to be found
But I have grown to strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And learn to live half a life
And now you want me one more time

Those words were born and bred with anguish and suffering inner torments as she played on, eyes blinded by tears as she thought of everything lost ... so many of them gone...

Who do you think you are
runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So dont come back for me
Who do you think you are
It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put the light back in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all you're promises

And now you're back
Youre looking to get me back
And now you want me one more time

How was she supposed to survive this when she should have been the one as the sacrifice. The one who had should have been trade of life instead of her child...instead of Truth. Her fingers moved of their own violation now, her voice a shattered beautiful sound as she sang out into the night still as if in silent plea.

Who do you think you are
runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So dont come back for me
Dont come back at all
And now you want me one more time
Who do you think you are?
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Dont come back for me
Dont come back at all
Who do you think you are... who do you think you are... who do you think you are

The song fading into notes and the piano's lamentation she couldn't help but think of how far she had come, how close she had ben to having a family... and all of it taken from her again.

Her finges curled then into fists as they pounded into the keys in frustration, cacophony of notes to mix and meld before it was lost in that hollow scream of frustration that ran into a howl of pain before she shoved herself away from the piano and ran out of the room, out of her home...out into the night before the woman gave way to the hound... and she ran... ran as she never had before.


Lyrics Chrisina Perri-Jar of Hearts http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HH7WXlf9WLk