Topic: The Super Duper Secret Sparkle Diary of Quinn Benoit

Quinn Benoit

Date: 2011-01-31 11:50 EST
Sunday, January 30, 2011

Dear Diary,

It feels weird to write that, yet oddly satisfying! You lucky little thing! You?re my new diary! I?ve actually never had one before in my whole entire life. I?m a total failure as a girl, eh? But it?s okay! You?re extra special because you?re from my BFF, Mack!

You see, we were at this ridiculously hoity-toity Gala on Saturday. Full blown fancy! We?re talking about floor length gowns, men decked out in dashing suits, and not a can of beer in sight, just champagne for days! We had an amazing time at the Gala and after we climbed back into our hot pink stretch hummer limo to drive off into the night (The Dolls have style), I told Mack that if I had a diary I would write all about that night.

Well, Sunday came and I was in full pajamas mode for majority of the morning and afternoon. I wasn?t expecting Mack to come over, but she did! And she brought you along with her! I laughed so hard when she first held you out to me. I?m not sure if you?re aware, but you have a unicorn and sparkles all over your cover and a little heart lock to keep out prying eyes (except Mack said she made a copy of the key so she could be nosy). Your paper is even pink! She also gave me a matching fluffy pink pen because no regular pen is good enough for you. I feel like a princess!

Anyway, down to business. I told Mack I would write about the Gala and that?s what I?m going to do.

Mack was kicking and screaming the entire time about dressing up, but in the end I think she had a really good time! That?s a plus. I?ll slowly pull her over to the dark side of sparkly dresses and stripper heels. It?s just a process.

At The Gala there was a date auction for some of RhyDin?s tastiest treats and can you believe it? I actually won a date! I know, I know. Paying for a date is so lame, eh? But it was for charity!

And in the end it'll just be for fun. That?s all I want right now is fun. I?m really not as wild and loose as SOME people make me out to be (COUGHTheRhyDinPostCOUGH), but I do know I don?t want to settle down right now. I fell into that game when I first got to RhyDin and we see how that turned out. Spoiler Alert: NOT GOOD.

Anyway, I should finish up here so I can get gussied up to go out! I?ll have more later!

XOXO
Quinn

Quinn Benoit

Date: 2011-02-09 15:49 EST
Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Dear Diary,

I've heard the saying "It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time". Well, considering I've had you for a while now and haven't had the time to write a new entry I guess that puts me into the bad girls category. But really? Tell me something I didn't already know!

It's just that things have been rather calm lately. Well, as calm as life gets for a Doll. Sparkly dresses, lots of chatting with the girls at the bar (can you say ESBA!?), whiskey, and boys. What more could a girl want?

Speaking of boys! I've had my eye on a fantastic fellow that has been deemed Fine Finn by Eless. The name? So fitting. He's not a pretty boy though! Nope! A little rugged and rough around the edges, just the way I like them! We've only been chatting. Very innocent. Yes, I know how to contain myself now and then. Shocking, isn't it? Okay, so maaaybe the first time I saw him I insisted I wanted to touch him and oil him down. But not directly and I didn't actually do it! That speaks volumes of my character, eh?

He's really quite interesting. All of his glorious physical features aside, he has a lot of unique talents. Ahem! By that I mean he's ridiculously strong and can fly! Did you go perverted on me for a second? Try to keep up! But yes, he can fly! He showed me one night after walking me to my loft and giving me a steamy little kiss on the cheek. I know! A steamy kiss on the cheek doesn't make much sense, but if you were there you would understand. Just think, if my heart was pounding that hard with a kiss on the cheek? well... I'm not even going to get into it. My imagination is running off and it's going to make it hard for me to finish writing!

Mack has set her sights on a guy, too! I know his name is Slate, but the rest of the details are somewhat foggy. He's a man of few words at times, but he bought Mack some Jack when he introduced himself so he's alright in my book. Watching them go back and forth is so entertaining. It's like this intricate tango of longing looks and witty remarks. It's intense and seems like waaay too much work!

I'll stick with my tried and true method of crossing my legs and giggling for drinks, thank you very much!

That's all I have time for today! I have to primp before hockey practice! Mack gives me hell because I go out of my way to look nice for hockey practice and games, but I don't care! I'm surrounded by a bunch of huge hockey playing men. Majority of them? Nines with an added point for having a stick in their hands! With numbers like that? Helmet or not, there's no excuse to not put on a little liner and lipstick. Plus side? It's probably that much more insulting to them to get blown little red kisses when I score a goal.

XOXO
Quinn

Quinn Benoit

Date: 2011-02-14 14:58 EST
Monday, February 14, 2011

Dear Diary,

Oh, how things have changed in a year! To the point where I really can't even believe the state I was in a mere three-hundred and sixty-five days ago. It was then, one year ago to the Valentine's day, that I said yes to marrying my boyfriend of the time.

I know! Me!? Engaged!? I can barely believe it myself and I was there!

I think my problem... well, I won't call it a problem. At that point in time it was exactly what I wanted. Or so I thought. But I believe I was moving towards that mind frame because there was so much talk of normalcy between us, my ex and I. We spoke of marriage, a white picket fence, and children as if those were the trophies for dealing with so much bullsh*t in our lives alone and together. And, Baby, if those were trophies? We were going for the gold! Because we had somehow formed this plan that it was what we wanted and what we needed to prove that all of our struggles were worth it. And it was supposed to be the end of all the madness. The finish line to mayhem.

Well, he's gone now and I'm really okay with that. I'm stronger now on my own than I ever was with him by my side. It's not a slight against him. I would never change that time we had together. But him leaving was the best thing I got out of that relationship. I withered the day he left and was dragging along only half alive for so long. But I decided at some point that I wasn't going to let it hold me down. I refused to allow it kill me like I had let previous events.

It wasn't instant. It wasn't quick. Not even close. But over time I was able to heal. And it was all because of me and the determination to take control of my life.

Now I'm nowhere close to a white picket fence. I'm in a loft in the most run down district this sorry town has to offer. I'm nowhere near kids. I have my cats and that's all I can handle. I'm nowhere near having a husband, fiance, or even a boyfriend. I flirt like a champ and someone might cause a twinkle in my eye, but I'm still almost too damaged to knowingly saddle someone with myself. Behind the sky high heels, the batting lashes, and the painted pout I'm still as broken as ever.

The difference now is that I know I alone have the power to change that. A man won't mend me. I can only do it myself. And I won't shut down during this journey or rush to get to the end. I'm going to enjoy my life. Every single up and every dreadful down that the creator has in store for me. I may complain. I may cry. I may cuss. But this mess is my life and mine alone. While I currently have a lot of people around me that I would love to make happy and proud of me, in the end the only person I can answer to is myself.

I have to do this, whatever this is, for me.

XOXO
Quinn

Quinn Benoit

Date: 2011-05-21 01:00 EST
Friday, May 20, 2011

Dear Diary,

Doubt is a hell of a thing. For a while there I was so poised and confident with what I was doing. I thought I had a grasp on things! But how easily a little doubt can cause walls to crumble.

The issue I?m having, well, it?s complicated. It?s a boy issue, but in the end it?s more than that. This isn?t me kicking back with H?agen-Dazs and sniffling about my petty troubles. And even if it was like that? Who cares! You?re my diary! Shut up and take it!

I?m kidding. I love you.

Anyway, the issue comes down to Aaron. Sweet, sweet Aaron. I?ve been so busy living life rather than writing about life with you that you don?t even know about him. We?re? I guess we?re dating now. Not guess, I know. It just sort of came out of nowhere and it was never a very official thing. Aaron is awesome. He?s nice and we have common interests. You know, all that stuff that goes on between couples.

But he has a drawback. It?s a pretty big one. I try to play it down because he?s not happy about it, but it?s always looming there. He?s a vampire. But he?s not a massive beast of the night like some might be. He keeps it under control and he?s one of the sweetest guys I?ve ever met. He?s always amazed when I say that, but he?s never given me a reason to think otherwise.

But now, is it wrong that I almost wish he would be the monster most people expect? If he was like the leeches that Mack and I deal with, it would be easier. Black and white. But there?s all of this gray area. Which is great for him! I?m happy he?s not a monster! I would throw a party over that any day for anyone!

?You?re not a blood thirsty killer dead set on ripping out everyone?s throat with your fangy teeth? Confetti! It?s a parade!?

But the problem is that he isn?t like that. And it?s filling me with doubt that I can?t afford to have in my newly found line of work. Aaron is a vampire and he?s a good guy. But what about all of the leeches out there who aren?t? What about the ones who might seem like it and then at the first sign of a chance will end you without any remorse?

I can?t do what I need to do as a member of the Disaster Dolls with this doubt lingering inside my head, tickling at the back of my thoughts and making me wonder if the next leech I plan to take out is really an okie-dokie artichokie on the inside. It?s not possible. One minuscule moment of doubt on my side, because I?m debating if it?s a cuddle vamp or not, can make the difference between me, Mack, or someone else living or dying.

Do I want to be happy? Of course I do. But I am happier and more fulfilled knowing that I have a chance to make a difference than I am by simply knowing I have someone?s arm to linger on. Aaron is a hell of a guy and it?s not an easy decision, but it?s a matter of priorities.

Besides, it comes down to the age old lesson I?ve learned time and time again in so many different ways. Sometimes people come into our lives and they affect us in such a profound way. But it doesn?t always mean that they are supposed to be with us forever. Sometimes we have to take the lessons from them and carry on. Aaron has taught me that I can?t judge everyone right off the bat and I appreciate him for that, but it?s also a lesson I can only take so far if I want to keep Mack and myself strutting around.

And that all aside, I wonder about something else. Sort of unrelated and? sort of not? If you feel like someone is stealing your heart when you thought you had given to someone else, did that person you passed it to in the first place really have it at all? I don?t think so. Maybe a part of it that they were keeping safe and that they?ll always have. But it?s not about the pieces in the end. It?s about the big picture.

I know that was vague, but I?m still figuring it out for myself. I guess it?ll just make for another diary entry down the road! Until then, it's just another day in the life of a Doll.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llbd01cAo91qggmkto1_400.gif

XOXO
Quinn

Quinn Benoit

Date: 2011-06-03 13:54 EST
Friday, June 3rd, 2011

Dear Diary,

Oh my gosh! I can?t even believe it! Tonight I am officially going on a date with Daigh! I don?t care how girly and idiotic I seem right now laying on my bed writing in a pink diary about how excited that makes me! I have no regrets!

Daigh and I have been hanging out for a while now. No one introduced us and we didn?t really have any mutual friends. I was at the bar one night and he was nearby. I complimented his outfit and he returned the favor. Ever since then we?ve been slowly getting attached at the hip. We chill at the bar, the tea shop, and a little at his place, too! He?s walked me home to The Dollhouse, but hasn?t really come inside yet. I feel oddly frightened for the first man to step foot inside these walls.

And you know, it?s weird, I?ve heard of the people who said that they felt like they knew someone before they met them, but I never experienced it for myself and I didn?t realize it could be so damn literal. I really do feel like I?ve known Daigh my entire life. We might have our awkward moments, but that?s only because we were sort of dancing around how we felt about each other. When it comes down to it, I feel as close to him as I do with Mack or as I did with Natalie. Like, we were just destined to have our paths cross.

Oh, vomit! I re-read that last paragraph and it sounds so dopey. It?s not like I?m saying Daigh is my destiny or anything! Hellooo, we haven?t even had our first date! I?m just saying that Daigh has never felt like a stranger to me and it?s something you won?t understand unless you experience it for yourself.

The way he asked was very sweet and really unexpected. Mack, Daigh, and I were BSing at the bar? OH! Side note! Mack seems like she?s okay with Daigh which makes me so happy! I know she wasn?t a fan of Aaron because of the whole ?he?s a vampire? thing and she put up with my antics because she didn?t want to crush my little heart. But she seems to genuinely be down with Team Daigh and they have been clicking really well! The fact that my BFF and my? Daigh can get along so well is awesome!

We were BSing at the bar, drinking beers and Jack! Keeping it classy, obviously. Well, something came up about boyfriends. Daigh and I were giving each other the eye, and then Miss Mack decided it was the perfect time to holler ?Just ask her already!? Guh! I was so embarrassed, but the fact that it turned out so well makes it impossible for me to tell Mack to think before she speaks. She can be more straight forward than I am, which is saying a lot! She says what?s on her mind, no matter what. I do that, but only to a point. Sometimes I?m jealous of her that she can do that.

Daigh gave this stern nod and he asked me out! He said he had been waiting because I had just broken up with Aaron, which was my problem too because I don?t want to be a ho, but he said ?Screw that guy!? or something and he asked me out for tonight. Obviously, from this entire diary entry, I said yes!

So, I have been wracking my brain since last night about what I?m going to wear. How can I have a closet overflowing with clothes (and access to Mack?s even if she doesn?t always know about it) and still have nothing to wear!? Guh! I know what you?re going to say. ?Oh, but Quinn! It?s not about the clothes! It?s about you two hitting it off and happiness and blahblahblah!? I know that, Diary! But I don?t care! I want to look bangin?!

So, now I?m off! To continue my search for what to wear! I?ll fill you in with all the details about our date later!

XOXO
Quinn