The scene is a stage in a bar. A Tri-D screen suspended from the ceiling onstage was positioned across from a chair where a woman sat in the shadows. A lively soundtrack roared to life from the speakers throughout the bar as the Tri-D screen flared to life. A chorus proclaimed the wonders of Ned while a neon starburst radiated from the center of the screen. A tiny speck at the core of it grew larger and larger, until Ned's striking, square-jawed mug beamed from the screen, larger than life, resplendent in a white tuxedo jacket and lavender shirt as his smiling visage cooed from the Tri-D.

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?Helloooooo Rhydin! It is ME! Ned Talkinghead! Coming to you LIVE from the fabulous Stars End Bar! This is the first in a monthly series of live recordings just for you, RhyDin. I'll be bringing you lively, FAS-cinating interviews with people you want to know about. And why do you want to know about them? Because I think you should!"

"Today's guest is someone really special, a woman that a viewer just like YOU suggested because of her incredible talents and interesting lifestyle. Her name is Yeardley Owens, and she's here on stage with ME, Ned Talkinghead, right now!"

His attention turned toward the woman in the chair as the lights came up on her and he gasped as if enraptured. ?And be still my artificial heart! YOU are positively lovely, my dear! How are you, Yeardley, and how excited are you to be my very first guest?" Heavy silence as he beamed, waiting her answer.

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Lots of white teeth flashed with the smile that was semi stuck in place, the only thing stopping her from falling into a laughing fit. "Hey, thanks. I'm thrilled." She even managed to inflect some excitement into her voice.

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"I am quite sure you must be! And we - and we means ME, Ned Talkinghead - are thrilled to have you here, my precious little microchip." He sucked in a breath for realistic effect. "Now, tell me, Yeardley - you don't mind if I call you Yeardley, do you? - Tell me, Yeardley, just exactly how long have you been so fast?"

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"So fast? It's always been a gift." Flashing a smile.

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"There are some who say you are the fastest woman in the mega-multi-universe, while others say it is absolutely impossible, and that you have to be faking it. What do you have to say to your critics?" Another breathless pause. ?All of the mega-multi-universe is listening for your answer.?

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"You should buy me a beer and find out for yourself."

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"Sukie! Quick! Get my little love flower a beer!" Beam, before he lowered his voice, confessing confidentially to Yeardley (and everyone watching the feed) "We pay her way too much."

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"You don't pay her nearly enough."

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"Shhh. She's union." He whispered and resumed his normal voice. "So, Yeardley. Am I pronouncing that right? Yard-lee?"

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"Actually, it's Yeard-ly." A studio assistant handed a beer up to Yeardley on the stage. She smiled gratefully and tried to take a sip but Ned was already jumping back in.

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"Yeardley," he repeated after her. "So in the biography you furnished, you mention that you're a landscaper. Isn't that a bit of a stretch? A landscaper named Yard-lee? Yard-ly- Yeard-lee. What do you really do, Yeardley? A girl as fast as you has to have another job at night. In the shadows, under the cover of night, so to speak." He winked broadly at her. "You can tell us. We're all friends here at NNHQ."

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"Well, considering I was named years ago, and didn't get this job until a few years back, yeah no, not really seeing it, Ned. I really am just a landscaper. Pretty good with a chainsaw." She lifted the mug again, trying unsuccessfully to take a sip of the beer.

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"I'LL just bet you are! I understand that things aren't all ships, blips and microchips for you, though. Besides that fantastic result with the Kessel Run - and honestly, I don't believe your critics, don't worry - tell us a little bit about what you do in your spare time."

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"Besides planning my revenge on whoever suggested me for this? I play football, frisbee, zipline, and I like to dance." After getting that out, she finally got a good swig of beer.

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"Oooh. I can salsa. And I, Ned Talkinghead, am deadly with the Lambada. That's the Forbidden Dance, you know." He was riveted on her. "Show us a few of your moves, won't you?"

Ned turned toward the audience. "We want to see her dance, don't we people?"

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Cheers and shouts of encouragement came from off-camera.

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"Yeah, not happening, Ned. How does a talking head dance? Come on, I'm sure they'd rather see you." She smiled a charming smile, one hand rubbing the side of her head, with one special finger extended toward the audience.

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Some spicy music started up and the lights flashing around Ned turned livelier as his head bobbed and weaved in time to the music. His shirt morphed into something unbuttoned to the bottom of the screen, boasting a lot of gold jewelry and a smattering of artificial chest hair. Manly.

"Come on, my little hot pepper. Dance with NED!"

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She stared at him like there was not enough beer in the world. "I am just so stunned at your moves that my legs are jello."

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"Mmmmm. NED loves jello. I hope they're straw-rasp-lingonberry." He spun in place and the tuxedo was back, the music gone.

"So, Yeardley. Spy... confirmed. Fast woman ... double-check. But let me ask you this...." A pregnant pause.

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"The answer is Taneth."

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He waved that off, his voice growing intimate again."Is it true that you are the ruler of all the pixies in RhyDin?" His brows fluttered encouragement. "Don't be coy. You can tell Ned." He snapped his teeth playfully.

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"Oh yes, I'm the pixie lord, but the one pixie is now dead, so I'm out of work." Rolling with it.

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From the audience came a shout.? Yeardley is being pursued by the great gnome lord!?

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"A gnome." Yeardley stared out into the audience.

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"A GNOME lord?!" Ned gasped, delighted and crestfallen. ?So the rumors of an upcoming happy event are true! I, NED, am too late. You're getting married."

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"I'm not getting married. But if there is a fight I'm going to be collecting bets on it."

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"Then there is still hope! I am so relieved. Tell me something, Yeardley. Have you ever been with an artificial intelligence? Because, I have to tell you, it's electric!"

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"Ned, sweety, isn't that most of the male population?" Stage whisper, with an amused thrum in the back of her throat and lots of white teeth with the smile.

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He posed for her, showing her all of his best sides. Of course, they were all his best sides. "Oh! You wound me, poppet. I, NED, am not 'most of the male population'!" The head fell back, as if flattened, disappearing briefly from the screen.

And popped right back up. "Don't cry! I'm still here!"

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Chugging from her glass of beer. "I'll keep your offer in mind, Ned."

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"And we're almost out of time. Yeardley Owens, any final words for RhyDin and the rest of the mega-multi-universe who are watching you LIVE right now?"

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"Yes, I think you should interview Taneth next. She's much more exciting." She gestured into the audience with a blinding bright smile.

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"You'll have to tell me all about her," he cooed to her before growing boisterous again. "But not right now! That's all for this edition of The NEDstream. We'd love to hear what you think - send your fan mail in care of ME, NED Talkinghead at NNHQ. Thank you to our guest this month, Yeardley Owens, spy, spacer and pixie lord. And really smoking babe, if I say so myself. And I do. This is Ned Talkinghead, signing off. Hasta la vista! and Get down with your bad selves!"

The salsa music picked up again and credits rolled.

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((A big THANK YOU to the player of this month's guest, Yeardley Owens, and to the players of the audience. For giggles that didn't show up 'on-screen', check the logs from 8/28 before they're gone.))