The days after..


It has been two days since the fight in the alley.
And since that event, I have decided that keeping a journal is a very good idea.
Seeing as how you never know what may happen tomorrow, or who you may lose. This will be for all to read, of whom care, in case anything should happen to me.
And in these entries I shall reminiscence on my life, and even up to current moments and events.
So, I will leave it at that for the moment.
I'm off to the Market, there is an Art Dealer I am to meet.





((OOC This is being transferred from Dean's live journal.))

Thoughts of the last night.

I went to see Rosie. It took all my strength to make it to her door. Even then I didn't want anyone to know I was standing out there, holding my breath, staring at the door, thinking of what to say to her.
I was afraid of how she would look, what she would say..
I had kept my cool, up until this point. I was the one that left the fight without a real word to anyone, I didn't talk to anyone else about it.
What could I say? Nothing. Nothing at all.
Besides, we all wanted to get over it. At least that is what I think.
Forgive and move on..
It didn't seem like that would be the case with Dakota and Brian.
The anger and pain in them.

That is beside the point.
As I was saying, I was outside the door. Maureen opened it, right when I had thought about turning and walking away. Rosie didn't need more sadness and anger brought to her. And I was angry, very angry. To see my friend in pain caused a tidal wave of anger to overcome me.
Which I had taken out on a man, a man that had the nerve to follow me the other night. I'm still ashamed, so much so I never did write it here. What would people think of the cool, and collective Dean,raging in anger, harming another being. Maureen, right. She let me in the door, telling me softly on the way to Rosie's room, that she was still weak, but healing. The door opened, and I saw my dear friend, laying there, covered in bruises. My heart sank to the floor. There was the woman that was so strong, so loving,such a wonderful being, lying on a bed,looking as if she was half dead. It took everything in me to not walk out of that room right then and there. She opened her eyes and spotted me. I care not to divulge on all of the details here. She and I know what happened.
I left the room with a kiss to her forehead as she quickly fell back to sleep.

I found Maureen in the kitchen, she was sipping her coffee and reading the latest copy of The Oracle. We sat and spoke of Rosie, of the fight I had witnessed in the ally just that evening. And even of the fight from the few nights before that had caused things to be as they were now. But once you get to know me, you find out I really don't talk all that much. I'm a rather quiet fellow, I keep to myself.
However this woman was very much trying to... Honestly as I sit here thinking about it, I'm not exactly sure what she was trying to do.
Even when Dakota showed up,and made his way to the kitchen, she started to mess with my leg under the table. Which made me more then nervous,I mean come on in front of Dakota? I tried my best to stay composed, which isn't easy let me tell you. I have never had a woman be so forward, it actually baffled me, she barely knew me! And when Dakota left, I was up and ready to leave as well. And then it happened she asked for a kiss goodbye. So as she wrapped her arms around my waist, I tilted my head to let her kiss my cheek.
And with that said, I once again choose not to divulge any further.




With a deep sigh and a grin he slammed the journal shut, sliding it on over to his table beside the bed. His hazel eyes glancing out the window of his small room for a moment. Laying back on the bed, his tattooed arms resting behind his head, he closed his tired eyes. A light nap is exactly what he needed.

As a boy.

I recall a time when I was seventeen, I had runaway from my family. I had had enough of my father's belittling, and my mother's sheer ignorance of it all. "Your father does his best." Always coming out of her mouth. She was so blind. As much as I loved her, I hated her for letting him cause us both so much pain. But in this time, and with society, you do not leave your husband. You are after all his property. How I dreamed of saving ourselves from him, finding a nice home in the country where my mother could grow old in peace.

I was quickly found, and brought back to my father. He stared down at me, his huge frame in the door, I knew tonight was going to change everything. The officer pushed me to my father, who in turn thanked him as he pulled me by the neck of my shirt into the estate.
Now understand my father at this time had at least another man's weight on me,I was after all a young man, still not yet a man myself.
He pushed the door closed, his grip on my shirt beginning to choke me. I could see my mother on the stairs, her long flowing night dress trailing as she made her way back up, was she sobbing?
He threw me up against the wall, which caused the most incredible throbbing pain in my head. Screaming, the screaming rang in my ears. I remember only a few words, because it was said so fast, and in such a tone that was ungodly for a child's ears.
I was, "A BASTARD,USELESS, GOOD FOR NOTHING, PIECE OF S***."
He slammed me against the wall until I blacked out, I'm surprised I remember any of this really.

Anyway, I'm not really wanting to write the rest, let us just say he made me wish I would die this night, the pain was unbearable that I had lost consciousness at least three times.
Which makes me look at this new letter I have received, my father is ill, it is from my mother. So,he is sorry now because he is dying. I should of known.

Entry 6

I've sat here thinking, within these walls of the Red Dragon Inn. And here I sit, on this bed alone once again. Just yesterday Rosie told me the news. In order for her divorce to go smoothly, we need to act as if nothing is going on between us. Otherwise, it could become quite messy. Of course I believe every divorce is a mess upon itself. So, I was shipped back to RDI, back to room 10.

And just the day before that, she had moved my things to the new ranch she had bought. She is indeed very sneaky, I had no idea she had done any of this, so when I saw "our" home, I was overwhelmed. This woman keeps me on my toes, making me love her more with each passing day. To know I can not be there every morning when she opens those beautiful emerald eyes, my heart aches.

Once again I will hide my love for her, act as if she is just a close friend. How does a person go back? I'm not sure if it is even possible, but I have to try. I know she believes that we can still be together behind closed doors, but I need to distance myself. I can't be close to her without feeling the urge to kiss her, hold her.. I have promised her I will do what it takes to keep her safe, and if it means to remove myself. So be it.
I can only hope she will understand.


My little Rose Petal, I love you. Keep that clover close, and never forget.

When I see your smile.
Tears run down my face I can?t replace.
And now that I?m stronger I?ve figured out.
How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul.
And I know I?ll find deep inside me I can be the one.

I will never let you fall.
I?ll stand up with you forever.
I?ll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

It?s ok. It?s ok. It?s ok.
Seasons are changing.
And waves are crashing.
And stars are falling all for us.
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter.
I can show you I?ll be the one.

I will never let you fall.
I?ll stand up with you forever.
I?ll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Cuz you?re my, you?re my, my true love, my whole heart.
Please don?t throw that away.
Cuz I?m here for you.
Please don?t walk away,
Please tell me you?ll stay, stay.

Use me as you will.
Pull my strings just for a thrill.
And I know I?ll be ok.
Though my skies are turning gray.

I will never let you fall.
I?ll stand up with you forever.
I?ll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven .






(Lyrics from The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus-Guardian Angel)
(If you care to listen. http://www.purevolume.com/theredjumpsuitapparatus )

Well, I didn't leave her alone like I said I would.
And boy did I pay for it. We had some fight. Our real first fight.
Now that it is days after, which I'm very happy it is over, it seems silly that I didn't just give her a heads up before I did anything.
She was right to be mad, but luckily it is all over.
We made up and everything is good again.
Gage is here for one more night, he has found his house and moving out tomorrow.
I'm going to miss that kid, he was a moody little punk but fun to live with.
He knew how to get to Rosie too, they are just as bad as me and Sadie...Sadie....
I'm not even going to talk about that woman right now, she might find this..

Anyway,
I heard a little rumor going around. Turns out some guy hit Julie in the Inn a few nights ago.
I can't even believe it. I told Rosie and she told Sadie who then told Gage.
Now Gage has it in his mind to find the guy and teach him a lesson.
The boy is asking for trouble, even brought his friend Dirk into it.
They are going to cause more bad then good, but once teenagers have it in their minds to do something they do it.
So, what can I do?

Ah well, time for dinner.

More thoughts..


I have been keeping to myself lately, I haven't been around the Inn in a while. I was there for the start of Icer's birthday, but left before the party actually started.
Nothing against her, she is the sweetest dragon in the world but I just needed some time away.
Jade, Brian, Jen, Rosie and a few others were there for a while too.
Of course I put on my happy face and kept up with it, though inside I'm just not feeling right.
And as usual I keep it all to myself.
But then that is what I always do, keep to myself. Keep quiet, don't burden other people with your problems.
Everyone else has there own, why should someone place their own on them as well?

Maybe if I open up and talk to Rosie I will feel better. I know she will understand me, she always has.
I need to marry that girl, maybe we will even set a date.
She doesn't want to get married with that little belly of hers, I think there would be nothing more beautiful then her in a wedding dress and showing it off.
Or maybe I will just carry her off and elope somewhere.
Who knows..



Dean Ryan Santiago

So I was kidnapped and taken over to the Frat House for a birthday/Halloween bash.
We had a terrific time though, I should of seen it coming but it was a great surprise.
Rosie was no doubt involved, my girl.

It was great to have all the Brothers around, heck even some of the "older" brothers showed up and then the party was really on its way.

I had a blast.
Thanks guys, I needed it.
Too much happened for me to write it, but man I had the best time. Best birthday, that is for sure.


Dean Ryan Santiago

Last night was interesting to say the least.
It was Kiss Day and auction result day.
So I was oh so pleasantly surprised to find out Sadie not only bid for me but won me for the day. I mean what the hell is that?!
Maybe she is still sore about the orange dye in her lotion or even the green in her hair. It was Halloween, I thought she might need help with a costume, nothing like a pumpkin you know. Even Rosie thought it was funny, so this is payback is it?
I mean, what could she really do to me? Nothing. Yeah...nothing.

And last night I saw everyone giving kisses here and there. It was interesting to say the least. But Brian kissing Renna.. that was nuts. Man you are nuts. No Jen in sight either, I'm sure it was nothing but Brian being Brian. He is one crazy dude, but we all knew that.
The night was all in good fun.
Though I think Gage is rather mad about Evi winning both he and Dirk, I wonder how that will go.
I have to remember to call him.

And now to Rosie, I came home last night and she was in the bedroom.
I tried my best to sneak in quietly, must remember to take of the wallet chain next time, she knew I was there the moment I was in the hall.
I slid right in to the bed with her, laid my head on her stomach. I can just lay there and feel the baby move for hours.

So long since I have written in this thing.

I went down to Miami to see Cole, it was only for a few hours but for the few hours I held his hand and told him to hang in there and that it wasn't his time. Healing him.. it took everything in me but I don't think anyone saw that I did it. Gage and Dirk had went off to talk, so it was just Cole and I.
Drained me pretty bad but I heard not long after he was awake. Not walking yet, no that would take time. But not long after he was up and walking.
I won't tell them I did anything, better that they don't know, let them believe it was a miracle, it sort of was. The kid has other blood in him anyway, all I did was kick start it. He even has healing powers, so many things the kid doesn't know about himself. I'm sure he will figure it all out soon. Sometimes we need to figure this out on our own, sort of like figuring out who you are or what your purpose is..

Anyway.
I got the news that Russ is gone, he is always pulling disappearing acts, nothing new. Soon I will get a letter telling me what world he is in and all the new things that he has learned or the new drinks he has found. Like when he found cocoa, man I thought he would never shut up about that. Chocolate in a cup, yes Russ I get it. Funny guy that. Going to miss the hell out of him. But like I said he does this time to time, comes back a few years later or even a dozen later.


Rosie and Daniel are doing good. She had a run in at the Inn the other night, I have to tell her that I don't want her out with Daniel at night. It isn't safe here in Rhydin for that. Thankfully nothing happened to her and Brian made sure she was safe, but still. I haven't really talked to her about it, I need some time to cool off. I'm not mad at her, just mad at the world we live in that you can't even take a damn walk without the worry of being attacked. But, this is life, and in Rhydin it just is.

Been a couple of months now that life took a rather big turn. I moved back to the fraternity house to be with my family. They've all been really good to me. Always there for me, making sure I'm taking care of myself. Even the first few days and even weeks that I was nothing but a lump in the bed they made sure I ate and forced me to take showers. Good guys.

I guess you could say it was a pretty big surprise that my young wife would pass away so quickly. After just having our son as well. You could also say I feel a little bit guilty that I wasn't around much near the end. Of course the doctors assure me that nobody could of known, but, a husband can tell when something is wrong with his wife, right? I should of been there but I can't live in the 'what ifs' or turn back the clock and be there, as much as I would like to.

So everyone keeps asking me if I'm alright. Yes, I'm alright. Am I happy? I have a beautiful baby son that Rosie and I made together, I look at him every day and see his Mother, yes I am very happy. Do I miss her? I couldn't tell you in written or spoken words just how much, trust me on that. Life hasn't been the same since, and it probably never will be like it was, I don't want it to.

Sometimes they try to get me to go out on little blind dates. Try and meet someone else. No, I'm sorry, I'm not ready nor willing to do that. I can't say when I will be ready, if ever. And I know that most people say something like that and turn the corner and there is love. Well, I'm not saying I wouldn't be happy to find love again, one day, but as of right now, I am happy to have my son. He is my main priority as it should be. He's growing so fast, I know Rosie must be very proud. I keep her picture in his crib, right next to where he lays his head. He can turn and see his Mom whenever he wants to.

Eventually I'll move out of the fraternity, raise Daniel close by though. His uncles would be pretty sore at me if I didn't have them near by. It's good to have such a big loving family. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I wish I could let them all know just how much I appreciate them for taking care of me and Daniel the way they have.

I keep jumping back and forth through things I know. My head tends to still get clouded at times. One moment I'm in the kitchen helping out Cook, the next I'm in the bedroom crying for hours. Not ashamed I cry, feels good to let that out, a release of sorts. I hope that she knows that I still am very much in love with her, I always will be.



Miss you Petal.